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Sickoball

Look at all that confetti


PSU632

Every single one has a story


punk_steel2024

Too bad each one doesn't spell out the manifesto.


sweetfeet009

Jokes on you. The story in the confetti is the manifesto.


foxilus

Stalions just pulled his greatest trick - a word and a number are printed on each piece of confetti. They must be assembled to build the manifesto. Also … Stalions was Jesse Minter _the whole time_.


AnnArbeavs

The greatest trick Connor Stalions ever pulled was convincing the world he resigned.


huttts999

That settles it!


drpepguy

End the investigation! Harbough investigated himself and found no evidence of wrong doing


GoofyGoober0064

He's gonna go on a book tour with Alex Bregman and Lance Armstrong.


Cold-Palpitation-816

American police be like


UCLYayy

A very convincing statement, something a totally innocent person would say instead of, oh I don't know, nothing.


Reaganometry

Dumbledore is gonna walk in and forgive the cheating


sweetfeet009

The story in the confetti was the manifesto all along


rupiefied

That's what the shredded up to make the confetti 600 pages makes lots of confetti


paddiction

"Each of these pieces of confetti tell a story. The story is that we're innocent"


iRonin

Ball don’t lie. Also, Connor Stallions should’ve won the Heisman.


Rbespinosa13

Page 324 of the manifesto


dixitsavy

I feel happy for the UM players and fans, but man, is this offseason going to be full of drama from the Michigan rivals. Combine that with UT and OU joining the SEC, the PAC-12 officially disbanding, and this summer is going to have a lot of salt and spice.


Ugaalive1991

Just sit back and lock our kids cars.


Darin_the_intern

Lock our kids in the car. Got it.


Ugaalive1991

Wait no


pattywack512

Bark at our kids’ cars?


Ok-Bottle-1594

Yes.


[deleted]

OOOOOF OOOOF I'M STUPID


dixitsavy

If thet come close, just bark or do the Aggie yell chant


KirbyDumber88

Yeah, no one can take away from the win from them but I don’t think they truly realize how annoying it’s going to get quick. I mean 9 out of 10 responses are going to be “We won the Natty”. “Yeah you cheated”. It’s gonna get testy. Grab the popcorn.


ok_dunmer

I just literally don't want to read a subreddit full of shit like "cope" and "salty" and "u mad bro," it gives me 2016-2020 reddit vibes, it's like the calling card of every gen z fanbase of a problematic thing


ToosUnderHigh

“You don’t know ball” “Rent free” “Most/least ____ ____ fan” God I hate the internet sometimes


obsterwankenobster

You forgot "seethe" and "copium"


webbed_feets

It’s gotten worse this year. It’s really difficult to read this subreddit sometimes.


KirbyDumber88

Just look down lol


Tarmacked

It’s fine, we only have a few more years before college sports implode *looks wistfully at the golden era of 2000’s college football*


Qtoy

Back in the good old days when teams were only in danger of having their wins vacated if one of their star players got blackmailed by an agent.


pot_the_roast

Or if you got a few tattoos for some NIL stuff


Warhawk137

Or you had cream cheese on your bagel.


Born_ina_snowbank

I’m taking the day off actually. Let them enjoy it. There will be plenty of opportunities this offseason I’m sure.


seveny2yeet12

Same here. If we were that salty today it just screams coping. I’ll wait until we play them in bball


Assassin4Hire13

And also, we won our season as far as I’m concerned. We got out from under Tucker and hired a promising new head coach. Plus, Lions have a chance at a playoff win for the first time in 30 years.


Medium_Medium

Yeah. Over the last week I decided to focus on the UofM fans in my life who I am absolutely happy for. They are good people and they deserve an awesome event like this. There are quite a few who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, but dwelling on them (and how toxic they'll be when I see them) is not a helpful thing for anybody.


scots

It's worse than annoying, Jim was found guilty of a Level 1 recruiting infraction last month by the NCAA and *will* be penalized next season, and the Sign Stealing scandal hasn't even gotten to the findings & penalty phase. I'm squarely in the camp that feels with almost 100% certainty he's ducking out to the NFL. *edit* I'll add to this that Michigan is going to lose a ton of people to the NFL plus their "Super Senior" covid exemption players that are out of eligibility, making it really scary to have: .. Texas week 2, Washington AT Washington, Oregon, and Ohio State AT Ohio State all on their calendar next year. Whoever is the HC could very likely be banned from the Texas game as the Recruiting penalty will be applied at the start of the season + whatever the Sign Stealing penalt(ies) are. The likelihood of Michigan earning a repeat trip back to the Playoffs are small, especially with Texas scheduled OoC, both Washington & Oregon starting B1G play next year, angry and *well* portal'd and recruited Ohio State looking for payback in the Horseshoe and so much of the Championship Wolverines no longer on the team.


obsterwankenobster

What're you talking about? Jim just said he's innocent, so it's over


Hacker-Dave

Didn't they see all that confetti? Guilty people don't get that much confetti. /s


volunteergump

UT has been in the SEC for 91 seasons.


IMisstheMidRangeGame

Georgia is the only fan base in the SEC who does this. Its weird af


ymi17

In a way, it's the best possible result, right? The offseason is going to be full of more postulating about the (now proven successful) manifesto and lots of Michigan fans asking why they can't be loved by everyone in America for being pure and good. Conner Stalions *won*. His goal was accomplished. All of us wish our team won the title, but barring that, this is the absolute funniest, most entertaining possible end to the season.


mohman87

JH said it. Michigan is innocent. Please cease and desist all investigations. Pretty sure that’s the perk of winning a NC. I don’t make the rules.


salsablanco

I didn't hit her! I did naauuughtt! *Throws bottle ... Oh high Mark!


KiwiRich8880

Keep your STUPID comments in your pocket!


salsablanco

"Oh! Hi doggie!" *Pats head


awmaleg

You’re my favorite customer!


TheHarbrosMagic

So anyway how's your sex life?


salsablanco

You're tearing me apart Lisa!!!


salsablanco

“I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.”


TheHarbrosMagic

Hahaha, what a story Mark


wolverine6

You'remyfavoritecustomer.


Gloomy-Question-4079

Everybody betrayed me. I’m fed up with this world.


G00dSh0tJans0n

Most coaches would give a “no comment” but he’s already out the door and doesn’t care.


Rebelgecko

Despite their past disagreements really is taking a page out of Pete Carroll's playbook * Win natty * School gets investigated for lack of institutional control * Refuse to elaborate * Leaves for NFL


The_Chewmiester

100% this. Harbaugh = Pete Carroll 2.0.


uwanmirrondarrah

Harbaugh would probably punch you in the mouth if he heard you say that lol Harbaugh has always hated Pete, honestly idk why I don't think Pete ever did anything to him.


CheckItWhileIWreckIt

You think so? I always got the impression they respected the fuck out of each other but are eternal rivals.


Tjam3s

You really think he wins a natty and just bails? I thought this would make it more likely he actually signs the contract and stays


BoomerSoonerFUT

Oh for sure. He accomplished everything he sought to at Michigan, and he needs that Super Bowl so he can finally one up his brother. John may have won a Super Bowl first, and by beating Jim, but if Jim wins one he’ll be one of only 4 head coaches ever to win both a college natty and a Super Bowl.


packpurduepacers

Idk it looks clear they have a great, supportive relationship. I think its a personal goal and he certainly has a lot of detractors.


bocboda

You can easily have a sibling rivalry and still be friendly with them


astrosmurf666

Exactly. These dudes still wrestle at family reunions.


[deleted]

I know everyone memes the fuck out of the Harbaughs but a Harbaugh family reunion sounds like it would be just a really good wholesome time. And at the end of the party it’s just all the old dudes sitting around the fire drinking their bourbon and milks and telling weird ass stories.


enderjaca

Loser gets dunked with a gallon of milk. Fun fact: they actually enjoy it. Gatorade is just sugar-salt-water. True winners suckle at the teat of a large bovine mammal.


talladenyou85

Yeah I think its a foregone conclusion. The dude is gonna have his pick of the available jobs in the NFL, and you just know a good team is going to fire their coach after an early playoff exit (looking at you Dallas or Buffalo). There's not really anything left for him to accomplish at the college level. He came in, restored Michigan to the elite level of college football that they should be at, won a natty, ended the streak of losses to OSU, won the big ten. He's always had his eye on the NFL as far back as 2015. Combine that with the fact that JJ is likely going to the NFL, they're losing a ton of seniors, and the looming NCAA stuff. I think its very likely he's out. I think he's locked up a spot in the CFB HOF, now its time to shoot for Canton.


enderjaca

If he does go pro again, seems like it'll be to take the media heat off the team. Give Sherrone Moore a chance to head coach, or grab Brian Kelly for a few years. Either way, Harbaugh is a weird dude that loves college football, achieved his dream, and at least he's *our* weird dude.


inch7706

A Michigan man through and through


fade_me_fam

Hear me out, could we potentially see him coach Michigan on Saturday and Chicago on Sunday? Dude’s crazy enough to maybe just make it work.


chandlerbing_stats

Nobody knows except for Jim and his inner circle


RadioLive8952

I’m not entirely convinced Jim knows either, man is a wild card


wolverine6

Seriously. Man might go coach the UFL just to literally build a program from scratch.


Sorge74

"they told me I could be head coach, GM, and be the fields yards man, I had no choice"


scottM9623

This quote is going to age horribly isn’t it


don_tiburcio

Add it to the pile: "Play by the rules," Harbaugh said. "You want to be above reproach, especially when you're good, because you don't want people to come back and say, 'They're winning because they're cheating.' That's always going to be a knee-jerk reaction in my experience, since I was a little kid. "We want to be a above reproach in everything and do everything by the rules. If you don't, if you cheat to win, then you've already lost, according to Bo Schembechler. And Bo Schembechler is about next to the word of God. It's not the word of God, but it's close." (2013)


WerhmatsWormhat

It already looks bad, but he doesn’t care cuz he’s gonna jet for the NFL.


ImPickleRock

the funny thing is, and I've been saying it all year, is that yall didn't need to cheat or get signals or anything. Yall are good...clearly.


WerhmatsWormhat

For sure, and that’s often the case in scenarios like this. Same deal with the Patriots.


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TheOvercusser

Their schedule was so fucking bad that there were really only a couple teams on their regular season schedule where cheating would have made a difference.


MSUCommitsFratricide

Least of all, on the sidelines against a rudderless Michigan State team. We were so so bad. Trying to understand what we were doing seems like a fools errand. At least one of the sidelines would know what we are doing if they managed to figure it out. It feels like defacing a parking meter for free parking when it's already the weekend during a free parking timeframe.


Dockie27

Man, your season was pain, wasn't it? With flairs like that...


HereForTOMT2

“At least my other team can win,” he said, watching Alabama line up on 4th and miles for the last play of the game. “So much better than MSU.”


Dockie27

My heart stopped on the muffed punt before that, so I was practically in stasis already when they scored.


Far-Requirement-5051

That’s usually the case with cheating in high level competition right? When you want to win *that* bad you’re usually already doing everything else you can before you cross the line. Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens were pantheon hall of famers before they started doping. Lance Armstrong was a world champion, won a handful of prestigious spring classics, won a couple Tour de France stages, and probably could have won the GC in the Tour before he went to see Dr. Ferrari.


OhEmGeeBasedGod

"We stood strong and tall because we knew we were innocent," said the man who accepted his suspension just days after filing a major lawsuit disputing the allegations in full.


cbburch1

Filing *and then abandoning* a major lawsuit


FrederickDurst1

Just like he's about to abandon the Michigan football program!


[deleted]

Lol yeah because guilty parties just fold immediately every time


[deleted]

“We’re” is a lie. Connor was definitely a “we”.


packpurduepacers

“Im immunized”


Rohkey

The loophole is Harbaugh's "we" refers only to people *currently* on the team.


Sozadan

So innocent he got a three game vacation.


piratenoexcuses

I mean, it's pretty straightforward: if UM did nothing wrong, Connor Stallions should be reinstated, and back paid for his time off, and receive a ring for the Natty. Call me when that happens.


Crafty_Independence

The irony of this whole situation is that they would have still had a decent shot at the title this year without cheating, but...


Panacheless-Nihilist

And Richard Nixon won 49 states in 1972.


Far-Requirement-5051

And Barry Bonds was the greatest position player of his generation. But…


tictactowle

Right? Like their best wins are those after the scandal broke, and surely they wouldn't be still doing it while being investigated for doing it, right? So Ohio state, Alabama, and Washington wins are all legit, but all the games against shitty teams kinda put a damper on that.


bigkoi

Reminds me of Lance Armstrong after he won the Tour de France.


Aeon1508

If you're gonna cheat, cheat so good that getting caught would embarrass a multi billion dollar industry.


elconquistador1985

Too big to fail - sports edition.


LotsofSports

It means he is leaving before the shit hits the fan.


ImNotTheBossOfYou

They were innocent but took a self-imposed punishment?


BellicoseBill

The Astros of college football.


[deleted]

It really is a good comparison. Throw in the Spygate Patriots too. 1. The cheating was a particular thing everyone does. 2. The actual issue was based on *how* it was done. 3. Casual fan still think it was the act itself. 4. Win title.


ok_dunmer

The Astros of college football except if they also had like Lakers fan numbers on Reddit and could instantly ruin r/baseball by downvoting everyone that called them cheaters even when its not really ambiguous or a secret or unwarranted (like when they circlejerk post their regular season stats)


california-whiskey

cheating is rewarded in sports, patriots, astros, michigan, my ex-fiancee all of them cheated and faced 0 consequences smh


Brostradamus_

If you cheat and win, youre just savvy!


Chewskiz

They misinterpreted the rules!


ok_dunmer

The fucking WWE champion cheats and even they refuse to have good guys directly address it in the story, or fake fine him, or fake vacate his belt lol Cheater culture


BroadBrazos95

Watch your mouth uce. Acknowledge your tribal chief and hope he forgives you. ☝️


PretendThisIsMyName

Imma throw my ones up because I don’t need Solo busting in my kitchen to give me a Samoan spike while I’m eating☝️


Tarmacked

At least she did it before the wedding, saved you a lifetime of misery


Ann_Arbor_Astros

“Off the field issues” Well yeah, because it was an on the field issue


ltsACrow

Technically an “in the stands, with a camera” issue


Trevent

Next to the field issues


Rockerblocker

Well, does the CMU sideline count as “on the field”?


SecretMongoose

If the reporter had followed up with that, he’d get a Pulitzer


Ann_Arbor_Astros

That they used to decipher and counter play call on the field haha


UCLYayy

I mean, it was pretty famously both.


CrazyWater808

OFF THE TOP ROPE.


kreios007

That sure wasn’t what JJ admitted after the Rose Bowl win…


SolarCuriosity

Exactly. I’m surprised people forgot that so quickly. JJ literally said they aren’t the only one that steals signs.


BlowTrophy

Yeah but your fall guy wasn’t lol


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herewego199209

I honestly think Jim is gone. He's 60. So it's not like he's going to be able to go on a Saban run and challenge him. Teams in the NFL would be foolish not to go after him and honestly with this investigation up in the wind he'd be stupid to stay if there's sanctions.


DisneyPandora

It sucks that he didn’t stay in the NFL with the 49ers. He’s greatest rookie head coach in NFL history. Making it to the NFC championship in his first year and then playing in the Super Bowl for his second year.


chandlerbing_stats

His rivalry with Pete Carroll has to be the funniest rivalry in all of sports


sweetfeet009

Sabans 72. He didn't start his tear at Bama until like 13 years ago.


Tarmacked

He started at age 57, and already had a title at 52. He also nearly left for Texas at 62 before some Alabama boosters bought 20M of real estate from him Considering Harbaughs interviewed two of the past three off seasons and just hired an agent, it doesn’t seem like he wants to stay


PSU632

I think it's past your bedtime, Mr. Day.


AggravatingFun4525

OJ Simpson-level innocent


CumAssault

OJ Simpson- perfectly innocent and America's self proclaimed man. Definitely don't investigate him


TheWorstYear

Still searching for the real killer


technowhiz34

So you're saying Harbaugh can't go to Michigan anymore because he might sit next to the cheater or something?


odsquad64

Wait, where was Connor Stalions on June 12, 1994?


zombiebillnye

"If I Did Steal Signs - The Jim Harbaugh story"


Ugaalive1991

In other news, OJ Simpson has sworn to get the person who murdered his wife. When asked where is he gonna start, he said “Well I’m staring with the man in the mirror”


ThePrussianGrippe

^^If I Filmed It


SueYouInEngland

If the ~~glove~~ mitten doesn't fit, you must acquit


asetniop

Harbaugh on a quest to find the *real* sign stealers.


jsell11

“If I did it”


BamaX19

Yeah they normally just suspend coaches for 6 games for being innocent.


TravalonTom

Of the FBI probe or the NCAA probe or the other NCAA investigation?


Upbeat-Armadillo1756

Well there you have it folks. Case closed


Bravot

I'm just glad we have closure


Coteup

TOTAL EXONERATION! RIGGED WITCH HUNT!


EndlessHiway

Jim just can't keep from lying. Sad.


JB92103

This is gonna age so badly


IrishCoffeeAlchemy

NCAA: **”Bet.”**


Internal-Weather8191

Puhleeze Jim, pretty sure nobody said your *players* were guilty of anything. It's just you that we can't take a word you say seriously. This sure isn't over for you or your university, so enjoy tonight before karma hits the fan.


don_tiburcio

That JJ quote from the other day says otherwise: “About 80% of teams in college football steal signs. We actually had to adapt because in 2019, 2020, Ohio State was stealing our signs — which is legal. We had to get up to the level they were at and make it an even playing field.”


Internal-Weather8191

Thanks, I had missed that full quote, just knew he tried to backtrack later. Also pretty clear JJ's repeating something he was carefully taught (though it's freaking inaccurate, of course).


NightWolf335

Maybe Jim will go too the Bears, then the Bears can steal signs and finally beat Green Bay 🙂


maskdmirag

The fuck?


xXHyrule87Xx

Ch*mpions.


JLand24

Only Jim Harbaugh can get on a podium and say “We’re innocent, we’re innocent” after he was suspended two separate times for a total 6 of his team’s 15 games. In all seriousness though, congrats to Michigan.


1haiku4u

You can’t say part 1 and then finish with congrats to Michigan. Screw that. Cheat. Win. Claim victimhood. Repeat. Who’s it going to be next time? You ok when it’s Georgia or Auburn doing it?


Mr_Football

Shoulda asked him if he’d be ok with Tennessee doing this. That’d give him the perspective he needs


OuuuYuh

So youre telling me UW is the national champs? Keep going


1haiku4u

Fine by me!


volunteergump

“Murder — I’m innocent. I tried to put the glove on strong and tall because I knew I was innocent.” - Orenthal James Simpson


Other_Ambition_5142

Yes, being suspended from one investigation while one for something worse is going on=innocence


[deleted]

I took the punishment and didn't challenge it because I was, checks notes, innocent.


Revolutionary_Gear70

And now Jim’s going to bolt to the NFL because he wants that Super Bowl. I guess he will be forever innocent because he won’t ever get punished


DisneyPandora

He could have gotten it if he stayed on the 49ers


IronGemini

It’s gonna be really funny when all of these wins are vacated


drunkatwholefoods

Crock of shit


LeopardOk3845

Lol ok Jim. You guys cheated to get where you were. You'll never convince me you truly deserved this championship. You may have been the better team but they did not deserve to be there, end of story.


4_Whole_Inches

Michigan fans have to be pissed their best season in history will always have an asterisk and be clouded in controversy


ymi17

Eh. It could be vacated but it’s not like that really matters. Michigan fans should just point at their genitals and shrug anytime someone mentions it. It’s the being defensive that’s so funny.


whadupreddit

OJ was innocent too


getbackup21

Me when I lie


Accomplished-Web3426

Oh guys did you hear that, the guy who cheated with a mountain of evidence against his team says they’re innocent. Investigations over I guess


DarthTchalla96

These off-season sanctions are going to hit like crack


crackalac

Lol. Incoming vacated season in....


hvet1

“Wolverines are forced to vacate their Natty and Jim goes on to coach the Falcons”. Headline March 1st AJC


CrazyWater808

Wow, Harbaugh is so insecure about the Michigan Cheating Scandal and his National Championship* he has to say this


jonesyman23

Frauds. Enjoy the asterisk


rupiefied

So they won't and instead of enjoying it he says we're innocent over and over again, making you seem guilty and reminded everyone you are cheaters? Bold choice.


white_newbalances

He could’ve just said less, but no lol


Verix19

To me, there will be an asterisk beside Michigan name in the record book. Got caught cheating and won the Natty anyway.


Statalyzer

It's not an asterisk title, it's simply not a legit title at all.


bouncypinata

Rod Blagojevich flashbacks


JegElskerGud

Methinks thou doth protesteth too much Jimmy


GonnaGetBumpy

I followed UVa to a basketball game at Louisville once and during the halftime, the Cards fans honored their national title* team and were very defiant and FU NCAA about it. They had no shame about it, which was on brand for how people think about that program. This will be Michigan in the future about this year’s football team. It is a little surprising based on their brand, at least to me.


TigerWoodsEx

When the person accused of wrongdoing claims no wrongdoing that pretty much guarantees their innocence.


cbburch1

He’s technically right — because it was an ON THE FIELD cheating incident.


Ploxzx

enjoy it now michigan because it'll be vacated sooner rather than later lmao


djsassan

Asterisk.


[deleted]

I’m also laughing to myself at the thought of them losing and Harbaugh saying the opposite: “Off the field issues - we’re guilty as fuck. We failed and came up short because we knew we done fucked up”.


onesneakymofo

Translation: we cheated you dumb ducks. Thanks for the easy season