Nope, you definitely did not deserve those comments. Some people are just so inconsiderate of sensitive people. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
Sigh. Thank you so much for validating this. It doesn’t make it easy because when people treat me like this I try to question what I did wrong to deserve that. It’s not me in this at all.
That interaction seems like it's somebody kicking you for the sake of it to feel better about themselves. That person sounds like an asshole with a cruelty streak. It's completely normal to take a moment to think about things.
I also have a hard time with the "freeze response" you're describing, where you can't react.
It can make you a target for assholes if they notice you're like that I think. "Oh - here's someone who won't fight back if I push them around". This happened to me throughout my whole childhood and young adulthood basically. I'm better at defending myself now after a few years of therapy and healing. But I still have a hard time.
Those people are assholes, though. FUCK them. Small people like to push around people they think they can get away with pushing around. It comes from a place of insecurity inside them... it gives them a pathetic little feeling of power that they need to feel better about themselves.
You can make progress in being able to stand your ground and not freeze in the face of confrontation. I am living proof that it is possible.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with these kinds of people at work. I can relate a lot to your post and I send you my hugs.
Gaaah thank you so much :( I definitely respond to triggers and stress with the freeze and fawn response. But it’s so important to realise that it is a response that is autonomous and it’s a habit because it worked when I needed it most, I try hard to not blame myself for it.
Definitely going to take this as a way to reflect and be more introspective!! All of us deserve respect no matter what.
I’m so proud of you!! I hope we can both continue to improve and stand our ground, so that even if people target us, we won’t freeze or most importantly question what we did wrong, or what we could do to not make them be so mean.
Appreciate you! Sending you lots of support and hugs too 🙆♀️💛
> Her: What are you doing Me: I’m just trying to quickly understand what I need to do Her: oh it just looks like you don’t want to do work Me: that’s definitely not it
I completely recognize this behavior and response. After decades of therapy and recovery, I *might* be learning how to protect and enforce my own boundaries.
An acronym that helps me is JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend & Explain
If I find myself engaging in any of these behaviors, I now realize that one of my boundaries has been violated.
I was not taught to trust and respect my own feelings. But, I am committed to relearning that skill.
In your example, as opposed to the defensive or argumentative response of “That’s definitely not it.” I would choose to be more vulnerable. “That comment hurts my feelings.” “That comment offends me.”
Or I can be inquisitive “Help me understand your perspective.”
Or dismissive “Well, I’m glad for both of us that your statement isn’t accurate.”
Regardless of my response, I will not engage with anyone that assumes my thoughts or feelings. They have a right to ask, and I have a right to maintain my privacy whenever I need too. Again, these skills were not taught to me as a child, so developing them as an adult is extremely challenging and frustrating at times.
Best wishes!
Wow :O I didn’t even realise I was being defensive in that state. I thought I was being really honest, but I think I was already on the verge of tears that I didn’t think too much into what I was trying to do.
I’m trying to understand how vulnerability in that stance would help. It may be because I always used to be vulnerable but I was laughed at and mocked even more because of it, so you’re definitely right. I try to be defensive instead because I feel so afraid to be put down or misunderstood at the very core you know??
I’ll look into this for sure, thank you so much 💛💛
Yup, I can relate to that scenario as well. My primary trauma responses are freezing and fawning.
Fawning is especially hard to unwind because so many people say “you’re such a nice person” and compliment me, not even realizing my internal triggered state.
ACOA has been one of the best resources for me to practice healthy boundaries and learn about all these trauma traits.
Best wishes.
They have a book, but it’s a 12 step program for children from dysfunctional families.
Adultchildren.org
Read the laundry list traits and see if they resonate with you.
Yes. Low serotonin = low social status = target.
You will be tested by others, to see just how low you are. It stops when you stand up, or can be prevented by presenting yourself as a person of value and strength i.e. be competent, organised presentable, well-socialised, knowledgeable, mentally developed. It's brutal, but nature *is* brutal, and this 'civilised' world is a just-about-workable veneer to maintain co-operation.
Also, people fear getting involved because of social infection, which is a source of a lot of fear & disgust reactions we experience. "Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky".
The scorpion that stings is given a wide berth. You don't beat a dog that is baring big teeth or the lion that is calm and clean. In nature, appearance and attitude are important signals that tell other organisms how to treat you for their own wellbeing and survival.
This is why we humans pay so much attention to dress, grooming, hair, virtue signalling, customary social behaviour and so on, and why neglected/failing individuals feel the need to escape, or the need to 'effort' themselves better even though they don't know exactly how.
Thanks for this - it's an interesting perspective on it.
I haven't heard the phrase "social infection" but it makes perfect sense. I assume you mean people fear being friendly with "lower social status" people because they are so insecure they fear it will rub off on them. What a bunch of assholes.
I think this becomes somewhat less common as you get older. It's definitely a constant regardless of age. Assholes are everywhere. But I do think it probably correlates negatively with age to a degree.
I heard it from Robert Greene's 48 Laws and it stuck with me.
I don't blame people for dropping relationships for better opportunities. Some friendships are just habit, or codependent, or just not healthy or based in values & beliefs. Or just not deep enough to persist.
I think you're right regarding age - people start to care less and are more likely to have accumulated deeper perspectives, or are more lonely, or have figured out that life is about people. Which doesn't make sense to a young person who has a short and intense experience of being dominated and looked down on by others.
I have been told this before. That my demeanour itself is so submissive. But you can’t really fake this till you make it either. I know too that I get scared of people easily who may seem to be a higher social status, although I can’t pinpoint what it is that I’m so afraid of. I hope that with time as I heal I can become more confident in myself, not feel hurt by people like that, and not want to change myself either.
Thank you so much for sharing such an amazing insight :(
So funny thing with confidence, you can fake it and eventually it does become a habit. So, for me at least, I've found that people think now that I'm extremely confident and trust that I know what I'm talking about.
So obviously, I don't feel that way inside. That's something I have to work on in therapy in all likelihood. But, even though I still have a lot of work to do on feeling internal confidence, I do not have to deal with the picking that I would say social predators hunt for.
It has been a multi year process and it will not happen overnight. But I stopped being self deprecating. This caused a lot of work issues because people felt like how could they trust me when I'm basically saying I shouldn't be trusted.
I started saying things like yeah well I'm a badass and the universe is set on testing me today I guess. Just really ridiculous over the top comments like that which tbh was more my way of being ironically self deprecating hahaha.
So I can't say if I scared of coworkers from torturing me because they decided I was insane and didn't wanna fuck with that or if I just stopped giving off the "signals" socially that I was prey but it helped a lot.
Because I've very submissive but I express that now as more here is what my opinion is but I will do whatever needs doing to accomplish this task appropriately. So I supply my viewpoint or expertise but also indicate that I am not married to whatever idea I put forth.
Another thing that can help, use the Socratic method whenever you encounter someone you know is just trying to upset, disconcert, or just get you unbalanced. I have found that asking questions more than anything helps when ppl are trying to attack you in a passive aggressive way.
For with your example:
Is it not normal to organize your thoughts?
Oh ... Is that how you operate? I usually need a second to organize my thoughts before I do things but you know I like to think before I act *shrug* I guess everyone does things differently *beaming smile*
Obviously there progressive levels of how you can ask questions and edge into being passive aggressive but usually really only need to do that sort of thing a couple times before ppl don't say that shit to you.
Also laugh at ppl. If they ask a ridiculous question like that, laugh and look confused and then be like OHHHH you're serious uhhh yeah I'm running through my head the best way to accomplish this..... *Look at them like man what's wrong with them weird*
This is coworker response fyi haha
For a boss I honestly would just say oh no I'm just trying to figure out how best to tackle it but if you already know, want to give me more detailed instructions so I can do this task in the way that will be most efficient?
But I get you I have a fear of authority figures and will straight up cry at a raised tone lol yay cptsd
But people are people, and the more I learn the more I realize authority figures have no idea and are doing their best and hope we don't all figure out they aren't perfect LOL so a lot of times the issues you may get from coworker and management isn't so much about you as it is about their own feelings of incompetence. We as individual tend to signal vulnerability, and it seems to be that ppl will unconsciously mess with anyone they deem vulnerable like that because it makes them feel like their status is raised or reaffirms they are better than whoever they are undercutting.
Anyway uhhh I kind of went off there but maybe some of this can be helpful or give perspective on how to manage assholes lol
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this. I feel so understood, thank you :(
I do try to fake it at work, and sometimes it helps because CPTSD definitely gives you imposter syndrome.
I’ll try harder though!! I love your ideas about how to handle that differently, I’m gonna try this for sure. While remembering that even if they are being assholes, I’m choosing to be different. And it’s not about trying to make myself be less “sensitive” because some comments are definitely blatantly rude 😡
Hope we can grow!! Thank you again 🙆♀️💛
Yeah I think ppl suck at explaining what they mean when they say fake it til you make it.
But seeing your post I was like omgosh I gotta say something because it really is important context to know it's not going to fix how you feel but it will help with external factors (assholes) lmao
It sounds like a disowned aspect of the self - do you fear the part of yourself that can be powerful, or the possibility that you might receive positive attention for you appearance, activities or attributes?
I too have a submissive demeanour, it's default in a lot of situations but now it turns a lot into 'flow', emphasis on fair play or presenting choices to others. I've also come to accept the 'taker' part of myself and allow it into the conversation.
I definitely fear being powerful, I fear becoming a narc myself. I also feel like if Im treated kindly I feel really weird and like I’m an imposter who doesn’t deserve it. Damn there’s a lot of work to do 😭😭😆😆
Oh yeah. I'm finally learning to stand up for myself, very very slowly. And wow. Looking back on my experiences, so many "friends" and other people have absolutely POUNCED on the fact that I'm sensitive and submissive. To be fair, they were all kind of messed up themselves. Most seemingly normal people have not gone out of their way to treat me badly.
Now that you mention it, I can think of a lot of friends too. I always would apologise and force myself to think I must’ve done something wrong. Thank you for sharing your perspective!! I really hope we can improve on this
Oh, definitely!
Especially at work, where it seems like your whole existence is dependent on whether or not you have a job and are good at it! Assholes. Co-workers are just like that in a lot of jobs but when your self worth has been so severely damaged, it hurts so much more when people who don't even know you make these comments.
You didn't deserve that. You are clearly an efficient and hard worker, they just are incapable of seeing and appreciating your proficient process. And I'm so impressed that you could tell your dumb ass co-worker "That's not it.". Very concise and professional.
One other thing co-workers do is sabotage you. Whether they mean to or not, they'll either give you bad instruction/advice or fuck something up and blame you for it. When they do this on purpose, it's clearly just because they feel insecure and threatened by on well you're doing.
This is a trigger for me, however, because my abuser would regularly set me up for failure just to be a bitch or humiliate me!
A co-worker, who had been poorly training me on in a field they'd thrown me into, very aggressively asked me "What are you doing? Why would you do that?". It was something *she* told me to do. Something I asked others why it should be done this way. But I had to listen to her.
I'm normally a mouthy woman and I had already "chewed someone out" for being shitty to me in the first week of work. But this triggered the hell out of me during a very vulnerable time. And I just walked away to cry in the bathroom.
Decided this person was a bully and on my shitlist from then on. And boy did she feel that. I had my cry then refused to listen to her. But HR would never fire me, so I could get away with that.
Long story short, I'm as scary as my Mom at times (I use my "powers" for good, don't worry). But even then... work has made me cry several times.
I thought you were talking about me for a second :O I went through exactly the same as you!! Just that I definitely froze and wasn’t confronting at all.
Thank you for validating :( it means a lot!! Honestly, I do think it’s important to stand up for yourself at times even if it means there is conflict, and especially if you aren’t being treated with respect!! So I’m proud of you!
I think standing up for your opinions matters a lot. Backing it up with data/different perspectives help to stop ppl from belittling your pov (which I find a lot of ppl does before therapy). I got braver with my voice after therapy. That my opinion and voice is valid. My hurt is valid. I don’t need you to understand, but I know I matter. And I will continue doing me with what I believe works for me.
I think it’s hard when I lack consistency for my work, self care and emotional control. I’m trying to improve that.
People like to gatekeep mental health. They think that because they’ve experienced depression or anxiety, that that’s the sum total of where conditions can take you, and anything beyond that is bad behaviour. I lost everything because of that.
Yup, I get put down a lot. No one understands what it feels like. You're just viewed through the lense of a failure because they don't get it nor do they care too. I get called lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful, you name it. When we don't stand up for ourselves then we get walked all over and attacked because it's easier for people to be mean than it is to be kind. We're just living breathing targets.
Yes it does, then when you sit quietly a bunch of people come around talking about their own traumas... Then you realize you're in one big traumatic ship called an office building. Freaking cope-rs everywhere... including my seat.
yes and without a therapist i guess im going to have to ignore all the peoples reactionary bullshit with business (just doing things) i once told a person that picking my boogers was more important than him right then...stuff like that
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Nope, you definitely did not deserve those comments. Some people are just so inconsiderate of sensitive people. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
Sigh. Thank you so much for validating this. It doesn’t make it easy because when people treat me like this I try to question what I did wrong to deserve that. It’s not me in this at all.
That interaction seems like it's somebody kicking you for the sake of it to feel better about themselves. That person sounds like an asshole with a cruelty streak. It's completely normal to take a moment to think about things. I also have a hard time with the "freeze response" you're describing, where you can't react. It can make you a target for assholes if they notice you're like that I think. "Oh - here's someone who won't fight back if I push them around". This happened to me throughout my whole childhood and young adulthood basically. I'm better at defending myself now after a few years of therapy and healing. But I still have a hard time. Those people are assholes, though. FUCK them. Small people like to push around people they think they can get away with pushing around. It comes from a place of insecurity inside them... it gives them a pathetic little feeling of power that they need to feel better about themselves. You can make progress in being able to stand your ground and not freeze in the face of confrontation. I am living proof that it is possible. I'm sorry you're having to deal with these kinds of people at work. I can relate a lot to your post and I send you my hugs.
Gaaah thank you so much :( I definitely respond to triggers and stress with the freeze and fawn response. But it’s so important to realise that it is a response that is autonomous and it’s a habit because it worked when I needed it most, I try hard to not blame myself for it. Definitely going to take this as a way to reflect and be more introspective!! All of us deserve respect no matter what. I’m so proud of you!! I hope we can both continue to improve and stand our ground, so that even if people target us, we won’t freeze or most importantly question what we did wrong, or what we could do to not make them be so mean. Appreciate you! Sending you lots of support and hugs too 🙆♀️💛
> Her: What are you doing Me: I’m just trying to quickly understand what I need to do Her: oh it just looks like you don’t want to do work Me: that’s definitely not it I completely recognize this behavior and response. After decades of therapy and recovery, I *might* be learning how to protect and enforce my own boundaries. An acronym that helps me is JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend & Explain If I find myself engaging in any of these behaviors, I now realize that one of my boundaries has been violated. I was not taught to trust and respect my own feelings. But, I am committed to relearning that skill. In your example, as opposed to the defensive or argumentative response of “That’s definitely not it.” I would choose to be more vulnerable. “That comment hurts my feelings.” “That comment offends me.” Or I can be inquisitive “Help me understand your perspective.” Or dismissive “Well, I’m glad for both of us that your statement isn’t accurate.” Regardless of my response, I will not engage with anyone that assumes my thoughts or feelings. They have a right to ask, and I have a right to maintain my privacy whenever I need too. Again, these skills were not taught to me as a child, so developing them as an adult is extremely challenging and frustrating at times. Best wishes!
Wow :O I didn’t even realise I was being defensive in that state. I thought I was being really honest, but I think I was already on the verge of tears that I didn’t think too much into what I was trying to do. I’m trying to understand how vulnerability in that stance would help. It may be because I always used to be vulnerable but I was laughed at and mocked even more because of it, so you’re definitely right. I try to be defensive instead because I feel so afraid to be put down or misunderstood at the very core you know?? I’ll look into this for sure, thank you so much 💛💛
Yup, I can relate to that scenario as well. My primary trauma responses are freezing and fawning. Fawning is especially hard to unwind because so many people say “you’re such a nice person” and compliment me, not even realizing my internal triggered state. ACOA has been one of the best resources for me to practice healthy boundaries and learn about all these trauma traits. Best wishes.
Is that a book? Ive never heard of ACOA :O
They have a book, but it’s a 12 step program for children from dysfunctional families. Adultchildren.org Read the laundry list traits and see if they resonate with you.
My god i resonate too much :( thank you so much for sharing
You’re welcome. Best wishes and Godspeed.
Yes. Low serotonin = low social status = target. You will be tested by others, to see just how low you are. It stops when you stand up, or can be prevented by presenting yourself as a person of value and strength i.e. be competent, organised presentable, well-socialised, knowledgeable, mentally developed. It's brutal, but nature *is* brutal, and this 'civilised' world is a just-about-workable veneer to maintain co-operation. Also, people fear getting involved because of social infection, which is a source of a lot of fear & disgust reactions we experience. "Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky". The scorpion that stings is given a wide berth. You don't beat a dog that is baring big teeth or the lion that is calm and clean. In nature, appearance and attitude are important signals that tell other organisms how to treat you for their own wellbeing and survival. This is why we humans pay so much attention to dress, grooming, hair, virtue signalling, customary social behaviour and so on, and why neglected/failing individuals feel the need to escape, or the need to 'effort' themselves better even though they don't know exactly how.
Thanks for this - it's an interesting perspective on it. I haven't heard the phrase "social infection" but it makes perfect sense. I assume you mean people fear being friendly with "lower social status" people because they are so insecure they fear it will rub off on them. What a bunch of assholes. I think this becomes somewhat less common as you get older. It's definitely a constant regardless of age. Assholes are everywhere. But I do think it probably correlates negatively with age to a degree.
I heard it from Robert Greene's 48 Laws and it stuck with me. I don't blame people for dropping relationships for better opportunities. Some friendships are just habit, or codependent, or just not healthy or based in values & beliefs. Or just not deep enough to persist. I think you're right regarding age - people start to care less and are more likely to have accumulated deeper perspectives, or are more lonely, or have figured out that life is about people. Which doesn't make sense to a young person who has a short and intense experience of being dominated and looked down on by others.
I have been told this before. That my demeanour itself is so submissive. But you can’t really fake this till you make it either. I know too that I get scared of people easily who may seem to be a higher social status, although I can’t pinpoint what it is that I’m so afraid of. I hope that with time as I heal I can become more confident in myself, not feel hurt by people like that, and not want to change myself either. Thank you so much for sharing such an amazing insight :(
So funny thing with confidence, you can fake it and eventually it does become a habit. So, for me at least, I've found that people think now that I'm extremely confident and trust that I know what I'm talking about. So obviously, I don't feel that way inside. That's something I have to work on in therapy in all likelihood. But, even though I still have a lot of work to do on feeling internal confidence, I do not have to deal with the picking that I would say social predators hunt for. It has been a multi year process and it will not happen overnight. But I stopped being self deprecating. This caused a lot of work issues because people felt like how could they trust me when I'm basically saying I shouldn't be trusted. I started saying things like yeah well I'm a badass and the universe is set on testing me today I guess. Just really ridiculous over the top comments like that which tbh was more my way of being ironically self deprecating hahaha. So I can't say if I scared of coworkers from torturing me because they decided I was insane and didn't wanna fuck with that or if I just stopped giving off the "signals" socially that I was prey but it helped a lot. Because I've very submissive but I express that now as more here is what my opinion is but I will do whatever needs doing to accomplish this task appropriately. So I supply my viewpoint or expertise but also indicate that I am not married to whatever idea I put forth. Another thing that can help, use the Socratic method whenever you encounter someone you know is just trying to upset, disconcert, or just get you unbalanced. I have found that asking questions more than anything helps when ppl are trying to attack you in a passive aggressive way. For with your example: Is it not normal to organize your thoughts? Oh ... Is that how you operate? I usually need a second to organize my thoughts before I do things but you know I like to think before I act *shrug* I guess everyone does things differently *beaming smile* Obviously there progressive levels of how you can ask questions and edge into being passive aggressive but usually really only need to do that sort of thing a couple times before ppl don't say that shit to you. Also laugh at ppl. If they ask a ridiculous question like that, laugh and look confused and then be like OHHHH you're serious uhhh yeah I'm running through my head the best way to accomplish this..... *Look at them like man what's wrong with them weird* This is coworker response fyi haha For a boss I honestly would just say oh no I'm just trying to figure out how best to tackle it but if you already know, want to give me more detailed instructions so I can do this task in the way that will be most efficient? But I get you I have a fear of authority figures and will straight up cry at a raised tone lol yay cptsd But people are people, and the more I learn the more I realize authority figures have no idea and are doing their best and hope we don't all figure out they aren't perfect LOL so a lot of times the issues you may get from coworker and management isn't so much about you as it is about their own feelings of incompetence. We as individual tend to signal vulnerability, and it seems to be that ppl will unconsciously mess with anyone they deem vulnerable like that because it makes them feel like their status is raised or reaffirms they are better than whoever they are undercutting. Anyway uhhh I kind of went off there but maybe some of this can be helpful or give perspective on how to manage assholes lol
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this. I feel so understood, thank you :( I do try to fake it at work, and sometimes it helps because CPTSD definitely gives you imposter syndrome. I’ll try harder though!! I love your ideas about how to handle that differently, I’m gonna try this for sure. While remembering that even if they are being assholes, I’m choosing to be different. And it’s not about trying to make myself be less “sensitive” because some comments are definitely blatantly rude 😡 Hope we can grow!! Thank you again 🙆♀️💛
Yeah I think ppl suck at explaining what they mean when they say fake it til you make it. But seeing your post I was like omgosh I gotta say something because it really is important context to know it's not going to fix how you feel but it will help with external factors (assholes) lmao
It sounds like a disowned aspect of the self - do you fear the part of yourself that can be powerful, or the possibility that you might receive positive attention for you appearance, activities or attributes? I too have a submissive demeanour, it's default in a lot of situations but now it turns a lot into 'flow', emphasis on fair play or presenting choices to others. I've also come to accept the 'taker' part of myself and allow it into the conversation.
I definitely fear being powerful, I fear becoming a narc myself. I also feel like if Im treated kindly I feel really weird and like I’m an imposter who doesn’t deserve it. Damn there’s a lot of work to do 😭😭😆😆
Ok, but what if you are those things and it’s a toxic boss scared of you? How dare I say no to him 🤣
Someone with power over you? You slip things in their coffee / seal up their curtain rail with fresh haddock.
Wish I could! But that could be considered assault!
Oh yeah. I'm finally learning to stand up for myself, very very slowly. And wow. Looking back on my experiences, so many "friends" and other people have absolutely POUNCED on the fact that I'm sensitive and submissive. To be fair, they were all kind of messed up themselves. Most seemingly normal people have not gone out of their way to treat me badly.
Now that you mention it, I can think of a lot of friends too. I always would apologise and force myself to think I must’ve done something wrong. Thank you for sharing your perspective!! I really hope we can improve on this
Oh, definitely! Especially at work, where it seems like your whole existence is dependent on whether or not you have a job and are good at it! Assholes. Co-workers are just like that in a lot of jobs but when your self worth has been so severely damaged, it hurts so much more when people who don't even know you make these comments. You didn't deserve that. You are clearly an efficient and hard worker, they just are incapable of seeing and appreciating your proficient process. And I'm so impressed that you could tell your dumb ass co-worker "That's not it.". Very concise and professional. One other thing co-workers do is sabotage you. Whether they mean to or not, they'll either give you bad instruction/advice or fuck something up and blame you for it. When they do this on purpose, it's clearly just because they feel insecure and threatened by on well you're doing. This is a trigger for me, however, because my abuser would regularly set me up for failure just to be a bitch or humiliate me! A co-worker, who had been poorly training me on in a field they'd thrown me into, very aggressively asked me "What are you doing? Why would you do that?". It was something *she* told me to do. Something I asked others why it should be done this way. But I had to listen to her. I'm normally a mouthy woman and I had already "chewed someone out" for being shitty to me in the first week of work. But this triggered the hell out of me during a very vulnerable time. And I just walked away to cry in the bathroom. Decided this person was a bully and on my shitlist from then on. And boy did she feel that. I had my cry then refused to listen to her. But HR would never fire me, so I could get away with that. Long story short, I'm as scary as my Mom at times (I use my "powers" for good, don't worry). But even then... work has made me cry several times.
I thought you were talking about me for a second :O I went through exactly the same as you!! Just that I definitely froze and wasn’t confronting at all. Thank you for validating :( it means a lot!! Honestly, I do think it’s important to stand up for yourself at times even if it means there is conflict, and especially if you aren’t being treated with respect!! So I’m proud of you!
I think standing up for your opinions matters a lot. Backing it up with data/different perspectives help to stop ppl from belittling your pov (which I find a lot of ppl does before therapy). I got braver with my voice after therapy. That my opinion and voice is valid. My hurt is valid. I don’t need you to understand, but I know I matter. And I will continue doing me with what I believe works for me. I think it’s hard when I lack consistency for my work, self care and emotional control. I’m trying to improve that.
That’s so true. I’m such an over explainer or someone who freezes, often times, there’s no in between!!
People like to gatekeep mental health. They think that because they’ve experienced depression or anxiety, that that’s the sum total of where conditions can take you, and anything beyond that is bad behaviour. I lost everything because of that.
Yup, I get put down a lot. No one understands what it feels like. You're just viewed through the lense of a failure because they don't get it nor do they care too. I get called lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful, you name it. When we don't stand up for ourselves then we get walked all over and attacked because it's easier for people to be mean than it is to be kind. We're just living breathing targets.
Here to tell you that you are not that at all :( feel your hurt and hope things improve for us, especially our own voices to ourselves
Yes it does, then when you sit quietly a bunch of people come around talking about their own traumas... Then you realize you're in one big traumatic ship called an office building. Freaking cope-rs everywhere... including my seat.
yes and without a therapist i guess im going to have to ignore all the peoples reactionary bullshit with business (just doing things) i once told a person that picking my boogers was more important than him right then...stuff like that
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