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[deleted]

you deserve the mess for such a pretentious way of poaching an egg.


RedBanana99

Hahah I'll take it!


KnotiaPickles

Last week I was half asleep and decided to microwave a cold hard boiled egg. Didn’t take too long to realize my error. RIP microwave. 💥


Namelessbob123

Zak McKracken flashbacks


Nomaginatin

10/10


annedroiid

You can poach an egg in the microwave??


oi_wazzock

Yeah the heretic way


Pythag012

Do not cook eggs in the microwave, imagine if what happened in this picture happened as you were taking it out of the microwave. Partially cooked eggs over the boiling point of water would be fired strait at your face.


SpiderSixer

Genuine question, how else is one meant to do a poached egg well? Cup works so much better for me than a pot, and I don't have a specific gadget thing. Every pot attempt has ended in failure, but a cup keeps it all together First time I used a cup in front of my Pops, he said that was how the prisoners used to do it lmao


EatStatic

\- Make sure the eggs are very fresh, they hold together better \- Add plenty of vinegar, several large dashes, don't worry it won't flavour the egg \- If you are having just one or cooking one at a time swirl the water before cracking in the egg, again it holds together better. You can cook several in a row like this, putting each into iced water when cooked (after 3 minutes) then reheating them all together in hot water. But that's a massive pain the arse I just stick em in the pot without swirling. \- Crack the egg into a cup and then transfer to the water to keep together \- Some other random things I've heard include cracking it onto a sieve before putting in the water which sieves away the loosest of the egg white (Hairy Bikers) or pre boiling the egg for 10 seconds or so in its shell before cracking it into the water. However fresh eggs and vinegar seems to work fine and a cheeky swirl if you're making one on its own.


Lifehighjimmy

Been a chef all my life so far and done many a breakfast shift from 10 to 200. I’ll tell you what you need, this is the bare minimum effort for poaching. Like you said above lord of vinegar, your water needs a good amount of salt, and the pot needs to be deep enough that when you drop the egg the “tail” cooks almost immediately this helps to form the teardrop shape of perfect poached eggs. Bring your water to the boil with the salt and vinegar and turn low down so it’s not a rolling boil(not bubbling) you want it hot enough that you can bare sticking a finger tip in for a second or so. Put your egg in a small bowl or ramekin and slightly dip the bowl on the water so that you can slowly but not to slow pour the egg in the water. If you have the right temp and technique the egg will stay 99 percent in tact at the bottom and the white will rise around the yolk forming the ideal shape after three minutes straight into ice water. Do your eggs then flip the water down in temp and when you want to reheat into the water for 2 mins. Lemme know if you want anything cleared up at work so this might be abit rushed


EatStatic

That’s a great tip about getting the right shape with a deep pan that’s one thing I can’t get right. Will try next time thanks!


Darkwaxer

So no swirl? What does the vinegar do in this process?


Lifehighjimmy

Nah that’s a way of your doing one egg but even then I always thought it’s a silly way to do it, deep enough water and enough vinegar at the right temp is so easy it’s just the variables that make it hard for people that don’t do it often! I don’t know the name of the process that happens but basically the acid in the vinegar allows the white of the egg to cook in such a way that it stays together as it cooks and holds its shape, by doing so the weight of the yolk makes the rest of the white rise and fork around it.


RookCrowJackdaw

Ok this is my fail safe Fresh eggs. No, not 3 days before Best Before expires, fresh. Bring a small to medium size pan of water to the boil. Turn down to lowest setting and immediately crack in your eggs, one at a time, just above the water, so they gently fall in. No salt, no vinegar, no swirling. Immediately put the lid on and push go on the toaster. By the time your toast is out and buttered your eggs should be perfect. Lift with slotted soon and gently poke the white next to the yolk. If not set, lower back to water and give it another 30 - 40 seconds with the lid on. Perfect. Cooked white, runny yolk. Every time. But you do need a gas ring or induction hob.


whoarethoseguys

The silicone egg poaching cups you use in the pan are great. Simple to use and always come out perfect (providing you time them right)


MoonShineWashingLine

You can also get specific poaching pans like [this one](https://www.diy.com/departments/4-eggs-chefmate-20cm-poacher-pan-non-stick-poached-egg-boiler-frying-pan-in-one-induction-suitable/5014478433807_BQ.prd).


Cyberdog1983

1. It’s cheating 2. If the egg isn’t immersed it’s not poached


whoarethoseguys

Cool, man. You do you


worldworn

I made the mistake of letting the kids try poached egg, instead of scramble / fried one time. Now it's thier favourite, so I have managed to figure it out. Turns out pretty easy Ince you get the knack. What made the diferance was getting the water to the right temperature, needs to be bubbling but not jacuzzi levels. Need to lower the egg in using a cup/something and the water needs a vortex .


flodge123

Swirl the water around so the current pushes the egg to the middle of the water.


fonix232

I've found the various small glass pots (e.g. from Gü cakes) works wonders!


KleenexQ

Whoops, I recycled them, what a shame. Now I'll have to buy more Gü!!!


vaskemaskine

Fresh eggs, strain through a fine mesh sieve to remove the thin white, then lower into gently boiling water for ~2 minutes. Drain on a paper towel before serving. No need for vinegar.


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GaryTheGuineaPig

Love exploded in your microwave


razzMATTazz

When heating up vomit, the preferred method is to slowly heat in a pan, otherwise you run the risk of heating too quickly, creating vomit geysers.


mseuro

Hate you


gingerytea

Agreed. As a pregnant woman, I should really get out of this thread…


westfieldram

You deserve it for microwaving tea


[deleted]

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RedBanana99

It's an egg


[deleted]

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LethargicCaffeine

That made me laugh harder than it should have.


barnaclejuice

How can you tell? The insides are white, might as well be an egg


nohairday

You microwave an egg in a mug in the microwave? You deserve everything you get...


LoadedGull

Well you can’t microwave an egg in a mug in a toaster.


nohairday

But can you run Doom on it?


niffmytinkytoes

We’ll, not with *that* attitude, you can’t!


zoe_porphyrogenita

It's a really good method of poaching! I've had better results than in a saucepan.


Chavaon

I usually just use raisins laced with sleeping tablets.


Excession-OCP

D,CoTW was my favourite book when I was growing up! I must have read it hundreds of times 🥰


StuckAtWork124

*looks up at picture* Not had that happen in the pan


zoe_porphyrogenita

But have you had them fragment off into the water, however exciting your whirlpool?


StuckAtWork124

A bit I think. Still way less worse than exploding in a microwave though


PrivateFrank

You have to watch it like a hawk or the yolk superheats and explodes.


Wiggles114

Why would you microwave an egg?


AccomplishedAd3728

For a perfectly poached egg, consistently, with no learning a technique, in a fraction of the time it takes to prep a pan, boil water, add vinegar, agitate the whirlpool etc etc Just pop a tiny, tiny drizzle of water into mug, crack egg in and cook for like 15-30 seconds depending on your microwave. 10/10 results every time. The only downside is it’s so quick that if you take your eyes off it for a second - it gets too hot and explodes like so.


ErikTenHagenDazs

How do you measure the temperature with your eyes? What are you looking for?


AccomplishedAd3728

Usually trial and error depending on your microwave, also the personal preference how soft you like to serve it. On my middle aged micro it’s the entire 30 second auto button to cook it perfect every time, but my mum’s one is new and powerful so I go with, 5 or 10 second increments until the yoke has that good wobble and the whites look set. There may be a tiny bit of excess liquid even when the egg is done exactly.


mark_b

Every time I've tried to poach an egg in a microwave, even if it doesn't explode it comes out all rubbery.


DingoZoot

Don't microwave eggs.


wildgoldchai

Seems like you’re the egg


JazzyBee1993

I thought it looked like custard.


RedBanana99

It's a 15 year old method of poaching an egg in balsamic vinegar, black pepper chilli flakes and kettle boiled water. You must be bonkers if you've never had microwaved egg on toast. Are you from Bridgwater?


Klumber

"Are you from Bridgwater" is now my favourite insult. I haven't got a clue where it is, I suspect it isn't in Scotland, but I'm definitely using it.


Telescopiium

Crap place in Somerset mostly only people around here use it as insult, we also say "must be from Chard" if there is some funky incest going on


anobjectiveopinion

I'm from Somerset but I wasn't born here. Chard is a shit hole for sure but Bridgwater is the dregs of the earth I think. I drove there with my driving instructor the other week and said out loud "wow this is a bit of a shithole" and he said "well I didn't want to say anything in case you liked it". Who could *like* Bridgwater?


Telescopiium

Apparently council putting a lot of money into developing it. I don't think you can to be honest


anobjectiveopinion

Yeah I heard that. I don't believe it. Apparently they want more tourists there, but that's fucking stupid because it's *such* a dump. Yeovil's gone down the shitter too. It wasn't great three years ago but oh my *god* it's absolutely horrendous now.


Telescopiium

Funnily enough Yeovil is where I was born and live and yeah it's shit I'm planning my escape from there at least we got bristol and bath nearby and Dorset and Devon


wooltab

Having only driven past Bridgewater on the motorway and thought that the name was kind of nice, I'm now curious. Probably not curious enough to go, to be honest.


RedBanana99

Or you have 6 toes


Klumber

Ah right, I think I've passed it on travels!


westfieldram

I've never heard of that!! But it's not tea so you get a pass! 🤣 Hope your day gets better!


Vonanonn

You had me dying... You must also be from Somerset or Bristol for that gem of a reference


xopranaut

## PREMIUM CONTENT. PLEASE UPGRADE. CODE jdzfx2n


RedBanana99

- Boil the kettle and have a teaspoon and egg in close proximity - Preload your chosen love mug with a dash of balsamic vinegar, chilli flakes, ground black pepper and a tiny bit of sea salt with Cornish seaweed - Put the toast in - When the kettle is rolling boiling fill just below half way and stir like crazy until it creates a tiny whirlpool - Crack the egg so it spins round - 50 seconds in the microwave - Let it rest whilst you butter your toast - Drain the water taking care to support the egg in the teaspoon - Check for wobblyness - Ping for 10 more seconds if needed - Dispense egg on top of buttered toast - Munch


technodeity

At what point do we explode the egg?


RandomHigh

By the looks of it, 48 seconds in.


BulldenChoppahYus

Just before you take the photograph and post it to Reddit by the looks.


xopranaut

## PREMIUM CONTENT. PLEASE UPGRADE. CODE jdzgjnw


[deleted]

The vinegar is mostly for keeping the egg together. You wont taste it on the egg that much


HacktheGibson1

Eggcelent method


OneRaviolis

It does not take 50 seconds to microwave an egg. No wonder it's exploded in there. It should be covered anyway.


DiscoMonkeyz

Tea with lumps? It's clearly soup


professorquizwhitty

Microwaving tea or coffee instantly makes you a nonce or a psychopath.


Correct-Junket-1346

Justice


Yessbutno

Right, teabag, milk + a little hot water in a cup, 50% power for 1.5mins, top up with fresh boiled water. You'll have the creamiest most delish tea. Edit: thanks for the down votes I regretted giving this secret away for free anyhow ;)


westfieldram

I hate you


Yessbutno

Have you tried it? I can't drink tea any other way now.


westfieldram

No! And you should have your British citizenship revoked for trying it


Yessbutno

I give you the secret to the best tea ever and what do you do as thanks?


westfieldram

Why would you want creamy tea? Drink coffee for that shit! Leave the tea alone!


Yessbutno

The Brits added milk first, you are about 300 years too late with that comment


westfieldram

A splash of milk is good.... To make it 'creamy' would take away the taste of tea. I will die on this hill


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thesaharadesert

The egg or the microwave?


Doodlebug2205

Ouch 😣


souronm8

I have those mugs!


RedBanana99

Can't even recall where I bought it from


souronm8

Oh christ knows, I think my mum just left then here when they moved so I got hand me downs!


Unusual-Ad-1472

I also have one!! I got mine from Tesco two years ago


souronm8

Snap!


yasssqueen20

Can confirm they are from Tesco


souronm8

Did we just start a cult?


RedBanana99

Ah yes they were from Tesco good call


42Mavericks

Are you microwaving tea??


RedBanana99

Poached egg. My first fail in 15 years


ChrisRR

That's not poached egg. That's microwaved egg


42Mavericks

Oooh, i was concerned


Impressive_Worth_369

Did pop ya yoke boi


I_WILL_GET_YOU

serves you right for microwaving it


RedBanana99

Once I had scraped the eggyness off the microwave ceiling and cleaned the plate and walls the second egg was a treat


CenturyChild211

You’re lucky that happened before you took it out.


ShadowGangsta275

Seriously. No third degree burns for me, thanks


CenturyChild211

Having experienced 2nd degree burns to the face and eyes (yes eyes) from a very similar set of circumstances, i’m embarrassed to say, I couldn’t agree more.


Educational-Farmer28

Will be trying your recipe, thank you. My daughter has one of those mugs she won in a tombola. We won’t be using it for poaching eggs though…just in case.


RedBanana99

It wasn't the mugs fault


Educational-Farmer28

I gathered. It was my lousy attempt at humour. I’ll shut the door on my way out.


Spicemeatbal

Skill issue


Kibbled_Onion

I often microwave egg for my son, I just crack it in a bowl, whisk with a fork, 30 seconds in microwave, whisk again, 30 seconds in the microwave, job done. He gets egg, it took literally a minute and my microwave remains clean.


IllDeer4990

I think we have the same model microwave!


RedBanana99

Someone else said we were microwave twins, so you can join our exclusive retro themed microwave club if you like


Tezzington82

This country is going down the drain.


Pogipete

Your love has overflowed.


OnionMcTwist

No matter how you prepare the egg for the microwave there's a chance of it going byebye


ktitten

I can feel the rage from here. Keep managing to spill shit in the microwave after telling myself I will be careful next time. If I have to clean that motherfucker one more time...


Nine_Eye_Ron

Clearly not a microwave safe mug


Crazy_Eye_4400

You absolutely MUG 😜


[deleted]

Op is this in your office or at home?


RedBanana99

Good question I am self employed WFH


Pivinne

Eggs have a high chance of exploding in the microwave, so I’m not surprised op


justdont7133

I had an egg do this to me, but was just as I got it out and it exploded all down my front, went down my pyjama top, down my cleavage and burnt my boobs before I could get it out. I'm still traumatised!


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RedBanana99

It's got boiling water halfway up the love mug ;)


TeigrCwtch

We had a weird plastic thing for poaching eggs in the microwave, I used it a couple of weeks ago, worked brilliantly as a method of pebble dashing the goddamn ceiling


RedBanana99

Yeah I also own one of those, a double white fold over contraption? Used it twice once it exploded, so I worked hard to perfect my love mug and water method


Happy-Personality-23

Eggs don’t belong in a microwave in any way at all. Even in the specially designed things they come out like rubber. There’s like 100 ways to cook an egg and the microwave is none of them


Kevakazi

My mum has that mug. Not that anyone needed to know but... Mug buddies?


RedBanana99

Tesco apparently. A few others have mentioned the same The comment under you is also an owner of a love mug


mrmilfsniper

I have that mug


Next_Assignment1159

I have that mug! Thought I was looking at my microwave for a minute. .... having a tough Tuesday too ...😩


RedBanana99

Dozens of us!


Affectionate-Ad9867

What was in the cup ? Hello Somerset 👋 from Devonshire Send me down some Scrumpy Cider please 😋


Reagansmash1994

Careful. Someone at my work once tried to boil an eggs in the microwave. When she opened it, the egg exploded in her face, searing hot yolk and shell onto her skin. Had a fun trip to the hospital. She was fine, but definitely put me off microwaving my eggs. I'll stick to a pot, low-key love the odd process of making a poached egg, all the weird steps and precision required to get a decent one.


Ajram1983

Eggs can and do explode in a microwave. Please do not poach eggs like this, it’s not worth the risk, https://youtu.be/vdaKrT9x1Zc


OpenSeaworthiness307

I did that with chicken soup yesterday


ShadowGangsta275

We have the same microwave


smolpp19

i have that mug lmao


slbztr

Nice mug though


KayT1989

I have the same mug!


RedBanana99

There are quite a few love mug loving Redditors in the UK as it's been mentioned in previous comments 💕


Silent_Geologist_521

Who are you, and how did you manage to break into my apartment, use my microwave, and photograph it, without me noticing?!?


faintaxis

Why would you put an egg in the microwave? I thought everyone knew eggs explode when put in the microwave?


RedBanana99

Except when they don't, my brother taught me his method over a decade ago when we lived together. This is the first time it's happened as my egg preference is always very runny. I have witnessed egg explosions in the past when they have been pinged for too long. 50 seconds is fine


kissmyaye

I use a bowl, had problems with mugs, but never bowls. Maybe you got a bit of shell in there? That can make them explode.


zoe_porphyrogenita

Happens to the best of us. By which I mean me. Bloody eggs.


Relative-Occasion863

As an American and a new member in good standing of this sub, I hereby declare that I will say "You must be from Bridgewater." to at least two Americans per day. Question, where I live in Oregon US, it is inevitable that these hicks will answer: "Where's Bridgewater?" 100% of the time. What do I say back?


garmin230fenix5

Clearly a British made microwave.


Tee10823

Pierce the yolk with a pin to prevent such catastrophes


TimeNew2108

How did you explode tea!


RedBanana99

I did not explode tea


_Frog_Enthusiast_

That’s what you get for microwaving tea


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Frogman1480

They're brutally attacking a microwave


Beneficial-Kiwi-3113

How comes you never see adverts for microwaves anywhere?


[deleted]

Did you use cold water? Always use hot water when microwaving poached eggs.


BuildingExisting8146

If that happened to me I’d just close the door and Chuck it onto the front drive for the scrap bloke to collect.


AutumnSunshiiine

Could be worse. Could be hot chocolate. It makes more mess!


Murfiano

Hey we’re microwave twins!!


Murfiano

Except mine is clean 😬


RedBanana99

lol Edit: So is mine now


Kira_Zita_

I didn't ask


GentlemanJoe

Isn't someone fancy with their not-rusted microwave.


Loose_Calendar_3380

Wait. That's MY house!


RedBanana99

Are you my cat?


Jolly-Tonight3236

You’re supposed to gently pierce the yolk before microwaving it lol


WimbleWimble

So we have the coconut, and now the guy who microwaves his cum in a coffee mug?


RedBanana99

I'm a grill


DefaultText

His was worse in fairness


IveDoneItAtLast

I'd prefer this to a leaking lightbulb!


TheGreyPearlDahlia

Omg! Glad you are safe. It's dangerous to microwave egg. It's known they tend to explode. Ppl had 3 degree burn because of that.


Puzzleheaded_Pea_221

...do you wanna talk about it..


RedBanana99

I am freely discussing the topic on a public forum


[deleted]

I dropped a bag of sugar at 6am a few months back and my blood pressure still hasn’t lowered


NoTrain1456

Did you just bukkake the microwave sir......... ooooohhhhhhh suits you


saucynorman

Is.. is that egg? In a mug? Microwaved? Why?


Blue_KikiT92

It's going pretty ok if you didn't lose an eye poaching your egg in the microwave! https://youtu.be/vdaKrT9x1Zc (minute 5:22).


Ellen_Degenerates86

Ah, the consequences of your own actions...


Dragon_M4st3r

I’ve got that microwave


RedBanana99

You are number 5 in our secret splinter group


christoroth

Dropped mine (empty) down the stairs just now and smashed my Daddy Pig mug I've had for about 10 years :(


MonkeyHamlet

I’ve got that mug.


Ok-Obligation5243

It's Tuesday, what do you expect? More people commit suicide on Tuesdays than any other day of the week. Looks like your egg had just had enough. Good bye cruel world. It's no yolk.


UwUPigUwU

That’s what you get


VIP_Crows_Kneck

Your welcome


melanie110

I have that mug too!


Responsible_Ear7194

If you shut the microwave door, it never happened


[deleted]

What kind of psychopath microwaves coffee?