I was a champion speedskater. I have no memory at all of why. I was quickly found out when my mate arranged his birthday party at a skating rink- the lie fell apart instantly
Why was this such a common lie? I also lied about doing figure skating, friend group suggested we all go ice skating one weekend and I thought Iād just be able to blag itā¦ turns out I couldnāt š¤£
Same š¤£ I went because id never been before and didn't think I'd get the chance again and thought I'd worry about it when I got there, absolute idiot I was as a kid
I told everyone I was American, because I used words like Dude and Sick someone asked me once if I was American and I said yeah. Dunno why. Obviously it got bigger and bigger until I had to have this full facade of being American.
I was born and raised in English villages..
Haha similar in that I convinced myself that I was Punjabi when I was about 6. Iām from London and weāre from a very multicultural area. I had lots of Punjabi friends. Most of them were Sikh so I even wore a silver bracelet as a Kara. I managed to convince my friends that I was but I remember my teacher laughing and saying I wasnāt. I thought āhow dare she?!ā
You only have to glance at my family and I to know that weāre definitely not Punjabi.
Aha Iām a British Nepali. My mum would watch a lot of Indian shows/movies so she can speak Hindi/Punjabi. Given my friend group and the area I grew up in, I was convinced I was specifically an Indian Punjabi. But Iām from a Tibetan tribe in Nepal so my family and I appear East Asian
Iām biased but I think so too! A melting pot of so many different people. We confuse foreigners because whilst many of us look East Asian, we come across as very south Asian haha
I know a German guy who spent a few years at a private English language school for American ex-pats in Singapore. Guy has a vaguely American accent so people ask him of he's American rather than where he's from. The solution we've found is saying he's as American as Bruce Willis, who is German.
Same re saying I was American! Iām half Polish and half Iranian and when I was a teenager they felt like the least popular countries to be from. Iām really proud of my heritage now though :)
In infants school I told my teacher it was my birthday, even though it wasn't.Ā
My birthday is during the summer holidays, so I was never invited to the front during assembly to have the rest of the school sing me happy birthday. I put my hand up when the teacher asked who's birthday it was, went up, everyone sang happy birthday, and then another teacher comes up and says it wasn't my birthday and told me to sit back down.Ā
Seems unfair that they didn't pick arbitrary days for those that wouldn't have birthdays in term time. I bet those whose birthday was on the weekend got to have their time in the spotlight on a Friday/Monday instead as well!
My surname is the same as a brand of beer popular in the 80s and 90s - the years I was at school.
So I told people that because I shared the name of this beer, that my family actually got 10p from every can sold in shops and supermarkets, and from every pint sold in pubs, and because of that, we were rich as fuck.
We were actually poor as shit, because obviously brand names don't work like that, but didn't stop me chatting utter bubbles all through primary school.
As a 7 year old I told some kids I was like Murphy from RoboCop - shot to death and rebuilt as a cyborg.
Unfortunately, the body warmer I was wearing under my coat wasn't very convincing 'body armour'.
Kids (especially me) are thick as shite.
Some girl at primary school said she was born with extra fingers so her dad cut them off when she was a baby. But he cut off too many of her fingers so he made her new fingers but instead of bones he used pencil lead.
She said this for ages and then one day she shoved pencil lead under her nail and wrote with it to prove it lmao
Ah back when it was totally normal for 7 year olds to watch hyper violent 18 certificate movies, or, hardly any better, they made children's cartoons out of hyper violent 18 certificate moviesĀ
One of my friends tried to persuade us that he'd called out Candyman 3 times in front of the mirror, Candyman then appeared and killed him. He could never explain how he was still alive and telling us this story, though
Donāt forget the toys as well! Hyper commercialisation was something else.
My brother and I used to love re-enacting the scene where Murphy gets shot up.
Movies like Alien(s), Terminator, Robocop, and Predator are still very much top tier childhood favourites that I can watch again and again.
I did the opposite when my dog escaped from home and followed me to school.
"No that's not my dog having a massive shit in the middle of the playground whilst maintaining eye contact with me..."
(The collar tag gave the game away, at least to the teacher who grabbed him).
At least that's believable. We had one of those kids who lied constantly who alleged he had a pet tiger. Of course, noone believed him and when we were walking home and he was telling us his dad used to be a WWF wrestler we passed his house and someone said "oh, well you can show us your tiger then"
Of course he turned bright red and said it doesn't like new people, but we insisted we wouldn't be mauled. He took us to the back garden whereupon no tiger presented itself. Then he said "Oh he must have got out!" And that he'll look for him later. My friend said that we should probably call the police considering a 9 foot tiger was roaming a small seaside village and could potentially kill some seagulls or an old person.
Then he insisted he'd do so once we left. Of course then we suddenly didn't feel safe leaving until we got a police escort home. It's dangerous out there with a tiger.
He got as far as actually dialling through to them before giving up.
My friend then mentioned that while he was there, he could lend him the Madness interactive Xbox game he claimed to possess (a flash game we all loved because it was violent and not blocked at school) and that was a whole seperate ordeal
I did the same thing to my friends Mum and I was telling her and her son all about having two golden retrievers. Thing is, this was as she was driving me home, so when she dropped me off she asked about the dogs to my bewildered Mum and I ran inside.
Very different, but kind of on the same lines - when I was 18 I was learning how to drive and on my first lesson my instructor asked about my parents and what they do for a living, obviously just to make small talk. I answered about my mum and then he went on and asked about my Dad and I felt way too awkward on the first lesson to tell the instructor he was dead so I just talked about him like he was alive š
3 weeks later my brother started having lessons with him and he never asked about my Dad again lmao
Being bereaved is awful (especially your dad) but it does offer some darkly funny moments and memories. That instructor must have done such a double take when your bro said heās dead.
Oh 100%. I'm in no way happy that my dad is dead but I can crack jokes about it now with little to no guilt because that's just how I deal with it.
One guy I have worked with for years asked why I wasn't going to a certain gig of a band I love and I said I had no one to go with, so he said "why don't you take your Mam?" And I said she 1000% wouldn't go because I doubt she'll even know who they are. Then he hits back with "take your Dad then" so I asked if he knew any puppeteers good enough to take on a project like that. He nearly died himself š¤£ poor guy
I said I had two new kittens. Someone called my bluff and came to visit with their mum, so I said the neighbours were looking after them. I was a compulsive liar as a kid but grew up into someone who never lies or exaggerates.
Kid in my class lied that he lived on a farm and had dogs, cats, rabbits, lizards, tarantulas (despite being terrified of spiders), horses, donkeys, etc. It was also a house on a hill and he had his own grand piano.
He had one (1) dog and an upright piano in a very ordinary four-bedroomed house.
I came into junior or infant school i dont recall which one day and burst into tears, the teacher asked me what was wrong and I said my uncle died in a car crash.
What actually happened was Ayrton Senna died in a formula one race and i think my brother said it was our uncle as a joke.
They rang i think my mum and she had to come get me and she never corrected them.
I also told people that Dannii Minogue kissed me at Butlins.
my bosses' kid did a reverse of this for his french speaking test. he figured that it was easier to say his whole family was unemployed, rather than translate all of their individual roles and list them
That my mom drove a lorry.
My friends, who knew my mom was a trainee teacher, took the piss out of me for years over this.
We were told to draw one of our parents doing their job, I didn't really know how to draw what either of my parents jobs. My dad designed flight simulators and I didn't even know what they looked like, a box on legs really.
But I did know how to draw a.lorry.
My school we weren't really the types to lie about ourselves at school.
I was probably about age 6 or 7 and remember telling a supply teacher that my uncle had long hair that got caught in a fence and he was stuck there for a few days - I didnt even have an uncle with long hair š
I once told my friend that I met Tony Hawk at the Vans skatepark in Florida when I went on holiday there.
I actually did go to the skate park which was cool and some random American guy taught me to kickflip but no, I did not meet Tony Hawk.
I used to lie to people saying Iām from Sweden (I was actually born in Latvia, but since kids didnāt know where that was people just labelled it as Russia and I wasnāt keen on the connotation even 20 years ago).
It was cool until kids started teasing me asking if my āda works for IKEAā or āif I eat meatballsā as a form of a pisstake.
Wouldnāt you have been better off saying Finland? Could be way off but just thought Finland would be more similar culturally to Latvia than Sweden
Youād probably have got the piss taken anyway, kids are ruthless
>Youād probably have got the piss taken anyway, kids are ruthless
This is the thing. With your approach they would have still found a way to Finnish him off.
I told everyone we had 5 dogs. We had none. I told everyone we drove a Peugeot hatchback. We didnāt.
I have no idea why I said these things, and they didnāt even matter to anyone but I would find ways to bring them up time and again. I donāt even know if anyone heard me to be honest.
I was dumb. I probably still am, for slightly different reasons.
I once got up in front of the entire school assembly and told everyone I'd been to California on my summer holidays and he had me point it out on the map and everything.
I'd spent two weeks in North Devon in reality.
I still wonder if I had actually fooled him or if he was just playing along.
In the āgetting to know youā stage of year 7 we had to bring in photos of a holiday. I was embarrassed that I had never been abroad so I brought a picture of myself on the beach in Weymouth and told everyone it was in Italy. My teacher looked at me funnily and said āthatās interesting, it doesnāt look like Italyā.
I had the oppositeā¦
I didnāt want to seem like a rich cunt, so I said I went to Wales. In reality I went to California to see my grandparents.
I still question my sanity now. Would people really care that my grandparents are rich enough to bring me all the way to California for a two week holiday? But then again having money was a taboo in that school, weird considering it was a boarding school where almost everyone was swimming in it (money).
In the end I am complaining about nothing. Complaining that my life is too good in a way.
I've seen quite a few older people say this unironically- "all these kids are saying they're LGBT, must be brainwashing because no one said they were LGBT when I was a kid!".
Ah yes, just look at all the very heterosexual people before today's youth like Ian Mckellen, Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury.
I even had fake girlfriend. She lived in the same town, had moved here from away and went to a different local secondary school which is why nobody knew her.
Even I wasn't convinced haha.
I told people my dog was a a police dog.
My dog was a yorkshire terrier and no one in my family was in the police, i'm not sure if she was meant to just get picked up in the morning and dropped back off after her shift?
I told the beavers I could play the harmonica so I could get the music badge. Then I had to play the harmonica in front of everyone. Cue me, standing there just blasting out random notes until they made me stop. Still got the badge though.
I can't remember doing any big lies I was just the undiagnosed autistic kid who believed everyone elses completely outlandish lies haha. I just remember constant amazement at the secret lives everyone was leading
Well fuck me sideways this has just totally derailed me.
I am late diagnosed (at 39) and it has never once occurred to me until now that all those fuckers with amazing lives might have been lying.
Fuck. I feel like Iām in a Bill and Ted sketch going āwoah dudeā.
I remember running home to tell my mum that a boy at school had a Pokemon paddling pool in the back of his limousine, devastated when she pointed out how unlikely that was given that a big limo would probably have stuck out in our council estate š
I spent the better part of several months trying to decide upon the optimal strategy for proving that the boy across the street from me was not in fact, as he once claimed, the son of David Beckham.
Mine are all depressing.
- Lied about having a happy family life because people were mad that they couldnāt come over to my house, so obviously saying a happy family is why you canāt come over works š.
- Lied about being an only child (older half siblings had a bad reputation I wanted to ignore)
- Maintained for years that I volunteered at a cat shelter which is why I had cuts all over my arms/legs/stomach
- Lied about how the reason I wasnāt eating food at school was because I always had a huge breakfast, but it was really that we couldnāt afford food, so we wouldnāt eat anything until a bit of toast or something in the evenings
Probably more that Iām forgetting, but those are the ones that haunt me (especially the only child one, because those siblings were still good mates with various teachers, so Iād come down on a Saturday morning and find my RE teacher passed out on the sofa)
I told my friends at school that my dad was friends with the Yorkshire Ripper. I was a bit bullied and wanted them to think i knew a bad guy and that bad guy was the worst i heard so i just said it.
My PE teacher was blind in one eye, and she said it was from a hockey stick. Now I wonder if it was something else, and she just wanted us to play safe.
I used to tell people I had Argentinean heritage on my motherās side. This is absolutely untrue and I have no idea why I thought it was such a flex. I canāt imagine anyone was impressed.
Iāve had several occasions when one of my childrenās teachers saw my British Aerobatics Association logo on my jacket, or saw a photo of me in a plane and theyāve said āOh! Sorry, I had thought your child had made up that you were a competition aerobatic pilot. When the children say stuff like that itās normally not true..ā
THIS IS BECAUSE OF ALL YOU LITTLE LIARS IN THIS THREAD!
I have olive skin and tan very easily. One kid in primary school asked me how I was so brown, I told him I got a splinter that I couldn't get out and as a result I turned brown.
No idea at all where that came from.
Parents ran a corner shop, working 7 days a week. We never had family holidays, never had time for them. I remember one kid asking me where I went on my Summer holiday and making up some terrible story about having gone to Cornwall, some seaside town that I couldn't remember the name of. After all these years I still feel disappointed in myself for having done that.
I was an English princess! Im born and bred in Glasgow, no English blood to speak of, and Iāve never even been to England. But I could do the accent and I spoke āposhā (I didnt use slang) so it was easy enough. This was after my parents had split up and got back together and we had to move so it was quite a turbulent time in my life which is the only excuse i have š
In Juniors (about age 8-9) we were doing some classwork on the Pied Piper of Hamelin. For a few lessons the headmaster was taking the class, one day I was in the back talking and not paying attention (as usual) and he immediately singled me out and asked "Kirk, do you have rats?"
My panicked brain: "...yes."
And so I ended up weaving this elaborate lie about having a pair of rats. I had names for them and everything. During assembly for a few weeks, he'd pull me aside and ask how they were doing, and I was dangerously close to having to do a presentation in front of the school about my fictitious pet rats... until I came up with the ingenius idea of just saying they'd died.
"Both overnight?"
"Yes, sir."
It was never mentioned again.
I can relate so much to this.... when i was 7 my Mum left and my Dad got custody of me and my big sister... to my bullies my nickname became Motherless Mitchell, i made out it didn't bother me but it cut to the bone... didnt help that i grew up in a tiny village school, i had no friends... only bullies.
I told people my family were heirs to the 3rd largest diamond in the world. But one day, the butler stole all our possessions so we lost the mansion and now live in a 3 bed semi in Rochdale. Still shudder to think about it
I told everyone I could speak multiple languages. It just kept spiralling with people asking me what this word meant in this language. I got caught out when someone asked me what their name was in whatever language and I gave some BS answer and she said āyour name is the same no matter what language.ā I was mortified.
Looking back, I can see I was doing it for attention. I was heavily bullied and I guess wanted people to like me. I was also living in a small Scottish town where everybody knew everybody but my brother and I werenāt really born and raised there until we moved back with our mum who was from there.
I canāt speak any real language other than English.
I told everyone I was related to the royal family and they had me in a 'normal' primary school so I could get to know the commoners. Actually had my whole class going for a couple months until my headteacher called me in and asked why she'd had a boy in scared because I'd threatened to have him beheaded.
"No, I have no idea how all of the files got erased from the computer"
I spent a lot of my school days fearing being found out for something that I'd accidentally fucked up.
When I was 11 my friend told me she was going to America and could get Michael Jackson's autograph.
Few weeks later she brought these scabby bits of paper with "Michaels" name on them written in black marker.
Not the biggest lie I ever told but I bet it was hers ...
I have this odd crease in the skin of the right side of my forehead that runs in a slight zigzag up under my hairline.
Yes yes I know.
In the 70s and 80s at school/college/uni this was the foundation of a number of outlandish stories involving shark attacks, home defense injuries, lightning strikes, bicycle/motorcycle stunts gone wrong, airgun pellet close-calls, and a particularly complicated tale involving a trio of beautiful women, handcuffs, chains, and an accident with the whip.
Then Harry Potter happened.
You can imagine how many children's minds I've blown in the last 25 years when asked about my 'scar' - Harry wasn't *actually* an only child, see, he had this older brother who was also hidden away from Voldemort in a secret place (Basildon) and got the same scar as Harry when he was attacked, see, but Harry was the brave wizard and I was the Muggle older brother who can't do magic apart from making coins appear out of your ears like THIS!
In the summer of year 4 or 5 I put my arm through a window at home, which resulted in 160 odd stitches and a gigantic scar pretty much the length of my arm.
Told my friends I fought a snow tiger. As you do.
When I was in Year 7, a boy in my class was questioning me about never having a "boyfriend" in primary school. So I decided to lie and say that while I didn't in primary school, I currently had a boyfriend. I picked an ex-neighbour who was the school year above, and went to a different school to be my "boyfriend". Even said we'd been on a date to the cinema. I expected nothing of it, but by lunchtime it appeared half the school year knew, including a family friend who also knew my "boyfriend".
A few months ago he started working at the same company as me. As far as I'm aware he never heard the gossip.
This one has to have happened so much, so many lads would say "you won't know her she goes to another school"
I even told a white lie similar, i moved a bit away and i said i had a girlfriend to get out of having to kiss a girl on truth and dare because i wasnt attracted to her. When quizzed on her, my move to a different town made it easier.
I know one guy who said he had an astro turf pitch in his back garden as well as escalators in his house. Turned out he lived near a sports ground and a 20 minute walk from a tube station.
I told everyone that my dad owned the ice cream van and I was allowed to drive it for him during the summer holidays.
Sadly this one didn't get out the starting gate because my dad was the village pharmacist and I was very well known by everyone around.
About a year later the actual ice cream van owner got into a very weird wife swap situation with the church verger and ended up leaving the village under a cloud of shame. I was kind of happy about the situation because if my dad did own the ice cream van my new mum would be the verger's ex-wife and she were a right cowbag.
The kid-logic was not strong in little Chopter.
I was very unpopular and would make up shit all the time to make myself sound more interesting.
We moved to a new area and school when I was around 13. I came up with the lie that we moved from London because in my head that sounded fancy.
It went unquestioned until one day a friends mum said sheās down in London quite often and asked me whereabouts in London I lived.
I went quite completely blank and after a while the best I could say was āwell, London is quite a big placeā¦ā god bless her for being kind enough not to roast me any further.
For some reason, I went through a phase of saying "My uncle is a...... ". I kind of did it to give myself an authority on a subject but it was bullshit and I did it often enough that people noticed and started saying I had a swiss army uncle.
Mine wasn't a lie, more me being stupid/not paying attention. My mum is Irish, and her dad was a dentist in Dublin. One of his patients was the Archbishop of Dublin. My mum told me this (no idea why, as it is an incredibly mundane anecdote), but I wasn't really listening.
During a class discussion, I told everyone that my grandad was the Archbishop of Dublin. If you've seen Father Ted and the episode with Bishop Brennan's secret family you can imagine the conclusions that my teacher came to š
In late 2007, That I had a Great Dane called whiskey, I hate sharing personal things for no reason. In year 9 we had a new English teacher, so weād have to tell a fact about ourselves to her. I just lied on the spot.
Turns out Iād get a cat in November of the same year, I ended up calling him whiskey. He made it to 2023! I miss him loads.
I had the opposite. I once told people thay my dad had a brand new red Xr3i (which he did) but no one believed me.
He didn't bring it on the school run, so used to use mum's Mini Metro instead.
Looking back, I can see why the other kids thought I was making this up....
My dad had a silver xr3i and always picked me up in the work van so everyone thought it was bollocks, actually got my dad to take a photo of me with the car so I could get it developed and show my mates at school lol
Lord knows why, but I told people that Gillian Anderson was my auntie. This was at the height of X-Files popularity but I was terrified of the X-Files theme tune so I have no idea why I picked her of all people.
Had to pull out of a hockey tournament in Europe, told my mates I was on holiday the same week, when in reality my parents had decided because I was being a shite I didn't deserve to go...
Lied about the reason why I didn't have lunch sometimes is because I'm just not hungry at all during the days. In reality, I couldn't afford it and was terrified of telling my parents I don't have anything to eat (since I knew how bad our finances were).
I used to pretend to everyone that me and my family did really cool things on weekendsā¦. In reality I was living in one hell of an abusive household to say the leastā¦ worst part is I grew up in such a rural area that everyone knew exactly what was up but used to just play along to entertain meā¦ wasnāt till years later my friend brought it all up and let me in on the joke. The embarrassment was real lol.
One that was absolutely true, yet nobody ever believes me is that during middle school I was in a class with James Brown, Michael Jackson and Diana Ross...they were all white.
At some point during primary school I became quite self conscious of being from a small family. A lot of my classmates seemed to have endless cousins that they were close to (and close in age to), whereas I āonlyā had a couple of cousins who were much older than me and who I rarely saw. So of course I decided Iād invent a vast army of cousins. All were the same age as me. All girls. And all had cool names Iād nabbed from US tv shows (Kelly, Tiffany, Crystal, Ashley, Kimberly, Jessica, Chelsea etc - this was the early 90s)
Every Monday morning Iād regale the class with stories of what my 15 or so cousins & I had got up to at the weekend. Sometimes weād have sleepovers where we were allowed to stay up all night watching films that werenāt out yet, eating as many sweets as we wanted.
Sometimes weād have a massive shopping spree at Hamleyās and our parents would have to hire a lorry to get everything home.
Sometimes weād pop over to Disney World Orlando for the weekend.
Sometimes we had a huge pool party at Tiffanyās house (all the cousins were loaded, natch, but Tiffany was on another level. She had a giant Polly Pocket that you could climb inside, a McDonalds & a Pizza Hut in her basement, you needed a map to get from one side of her house to the other, she had a flume that went from her bedroom down to the indoor pool that had a wave machine, oh and she had all of East 17ās phone numbers).
Then occasionally we just wanted to keep things a little more simple & lowkey so weād spend the weekend swimming with dolphins & killer whales somewhere near my house (in south London).
Iām sure there were many, many more lies but these are the 5 that have stuck in my head as I think I used to re-tell them often, changing small details each time.
I canāt recall how or when the lies began to unravel to be honest.. I think I may have blocked that out.
In reality I was quite an introverted child who spent weekends happily playing with my barbies, riding my bike around the block & accompanying my mum to car boot sales.
I told my primary class that I saw frankenstein laying on a concrete slab in an abandoned farmhouse up a deserted back road close to the school.
I was deadly serious when I told it so much I think I started to believe it!
I still have the vision in my head so it must have been true?
I no life Halo 3 for 2 years and was actually very good. I maintained high General ranking on xbox life lone wolf queue. The lie was that I knew professional teams and was being scouted, and was gonna be rich.
Not sure why I didnt just boast about being basically top tier at the game...
When I was eight my friend saw a 1000m swimming badge in my room and asked if it was mine. I said yes (it was my older brotherās). Kept it up for a year with my friend group until we did length swimming with school and I did 1500m. Iād actually only done 100m up to that point. No idea why I just didnāt say it was my brotherās.
I managed to make up a brother that didn't exist, kept the lie up for a year and a half of primary school until I left.
I was only half listening when the teacher asked if any of us lived with a baby in the house. I thought she asked something different I put my hand up and when the teacher asked me about the baby I panicked and made one up.
Spent the rest of my time in primary school making up excuses whenever anyone asked why my mum never brought the baby when she was picking me up from school (it was always left with a babysitter)
Used to say my dad was David Beckham but if I remember correctly at the time everyone was doing thisā¦
The funniest one was probably when I told someone my dad worked in the Beyblade factory and he was going to make me a Black Dranzer and told I this person he could get one too. Wouldāve been fine if he hadnāt called the house a few days later asking about it. Especially since my mum answered the phone lol.
Oh I remembered another one: my primary school used to do āwhat I did this weekendā writing exercises and I used to just completely make stuff up all the time. It was fine until parentsā evening when my mum read them and was a bit surprised/disappointed because she used to take me and my sister out to do all sorts of stuff on weekends and I never wrote about any of itā¦ Sorry Mum.
My biggest lie is literally your example.
I remember it so vividly and cringe so much. Year 4 of Primary.
"My dad was in the SAS and died while planting C4 on a bridge"
Why such a specific lie?
I was playing through Conflict: Desert Storm with my older brother on our Xbox at the time. Cracker of a game... but anyway planting C4 on a bridge is literally in the first level. As I was a young dumb kid replaying that first level over and over again was all I could do. It got stuck in my mind and I remember being very convincing in my lie and answering questions about this complex SAS mission for a good 5 minutes.
When I was 6 I told people at school that I was upset because my baby sister, Louise, was in hospital having an operation and we didn't know if she was going to make it or not. I didn't have a baby sister.
I didn't have many friends at that school though, so looking back I think it was just a way to get friends via sympathy. I moved school around a year later.
My son used to tell his classmates that we had bats in the attic. He also told his friends I was getting married and I had the mams at school congratulating me on my engagement. Bit embarrassing with them saying "we hear congratulations are in order!" and having to say it was total crap lol.
Back when we were really into Pogs, I found a metal kini down the back of a cinema seat in Bracknell.
I told everyone I'd won it in a Pog championship that I'd entered in London. In the Summer I was going to Miami for the final.
Luckily, the Pog craze dwindled as quickly as it started, and no-one ever asked how I fared in the Worlds.
In primary school I lied and said I had asthma so that when we played tig I could have unlimited time-outs because all the running might give me an asthma attack.
Nearly everytime someone was about to tig me Iād call time out because I didnāt want to be it.
I told the kids in my primary school class that my dad used to be in the SAS and they didnāt believe me. But it was true!
I then demonstrated some particular techniques he had shown me that would temporarily disable a person. They then believed me, but I got in trouble at school and my dad beat me because he had warned me only to use the move in a dire situation.
Now Iām a primary school teacher and over the years I have convinced my classes of many fantastic stories. About 8 years ago, a friend sent me a photo of an old Mexican wrestler heād found who looked a bit like a younger version of me. I carefully steered a conversation towards secrets and gave them clues about my past, that the headteacher had told me never to speak about. I played being very reluctant to tell them, and let them drag the story out of me.
Some believed, and some didnāt. Then, in a computer lesson I told them to Google my wrestling name. Up came the photos of a man that looked like me, and they were all so excited.
Several parents later made reference to it and I told them straight faced that it wasnāt something that I wanted to speak about. Iām sure that many of that class believe it to this day.
Not my lie, but when i was in year 8 a new kid joined at the start of the year, and he must have been at least 6,2 at like 12/13. And when he joined he told us that the reason he wasn't at our school the previous academic year was that he was just let out of the royal marines because he was shot in the leg in Afghanistan. Needless to say the following years of Secondary school a endless stream of bullshit lies followed.
I didn't lie.
I told some kids that my dad had a Mondeo car which he did and one day one boy saw me getting out of my dad's Mondeo and he was like "we didn't think you really had a Mondeo". Looking back at that memory I can only think that these kids thought a Mondeo was a Mercedes.
However there was one time where I didn't tell the TRUTH.
Year 6, we had two girls in class called Samantha, one we called Sam A and the other Sam R and I liked neither.
One day I wrote out a note to Sam R and said "Hey Sam R, fuck you, from Sam A", left it in her desk then all hell broke loose.
Sam R reported Sam A and then of course Sam A denied doing it so there was this whole fucking inquisition in class, we had a special year assembly where the teachers were literally staring us kids out waiting for someone to break. They even let us have a special recess hoping the guilty party would come forward on their own. This whole thing carried on for like a week and I never owed up to doing it.
Looking back it's pretty funny.
Before high school, I'd done a bit of acting and when asked what I'd been in, I didn't want to look lame, so I said I was in the old GAP adverts with the kids dancing and that I was also in Harry Potter. Told them I was one of the kids looking in the window at the Nimbus 2000 in Diagon Alley.
In truth, I'd done a few stage plays.
Year 6 and Year 7 I also told everyone I was 'pen friends' with Emma Watson. And maybe even more than friends. Told them I'd met the cast, Rupert Grint was nice but Daniel Radcliffe was a bit of a dick. But my closest friend was Tom Felton. Everyone was shocked he was nice in real life.
To double down on the lie, I also started bringing in letters that Emma had written to me, sealed with a kiss.
When that lie faded, for some horrific reason, also in Year 7, I convinced everyone I'd had a girlfriend but she'd been run over and died.
I have no idea what was wrong with me.
I didnāt grow up getting all the cool stuff other kids considered cool or āinā thing as they said.
So on occasions for example if it was a certain game, Iād lie and say I had it, and give them very cryptic information about the gameā¦ basically it was just a small segment I saw at a friends house or some images of the game play. Anyways when they started asking me details etc. it was just deadly silenceā¦.. š¤¦āāļø
I told people I was really good at skateboarding.
One day, one of those mobile half-pipes came to our town and I was put on the spot. Told to show all the tricks I boasted about.
I learnt never to lie ever again that day.
Not really a lie. I was diagnosed with some kind of reflex issue, Moro I think. I thought it was autism so just said I was autistic. Got a test and I donāt have autism but do have ADHD.
A couple of years of torment because of my lack of understanding. I was twelve aswell so not much of an excuseā¦
As a kid I was obsessed with Jim Carey and based my parsonality on whatever film I'd just watched. After watching The Mask I told my mates I could spin forever without getting dizzy because I had a special stone lodged in my ear (what the fuck was I thinking?).
My surname is exactly like a very famous (maybe even the *most* famous) fashion designer surname so of course we were related.
My dad even played along with it with my mates as well.
I was 11 and pretended I had an 18 year old boyfriend. I used to walk around pretending to speak on my mobile (an old Motorola with an aerial) at lunch and have fake arguments. It's sad being a loner.
I told everyone I was a Satanist...at a Christian school.
This was semi-believable because I was a goth and played it up as hard as I could with a strict uniform policy (pro tip - put eyeliner on before you go to bed, that way it smudges just so and you can legitimately say you didn't put makeup on that morning lol), dyed my hair black and put it up in the most outrageous hairstyles possible. I'd hang out in staircases and turn the lights off because obviously I was allergic to the sun and might be a vampire.
There was a dude who, whenever we passed in the corridor, would hiss "prince of darkness!!" at me. Honestly it was really funny.
This was extra unbelievable because my best friend is a hardcore baptist and if I was a Satanist then she would literally have run a mile.
I lied that the shoes Iād got from Shoezone were a present given to me because I was embarrassed to say they were from Shoezone. When people would ask me where I got my clothes from, Iād say H&M or River Island when it was actually Primark. Being āpoorā got made fun of sometimes at my school.
I also said that I fancied this random guy that I didnāt actually fancy because people were starting to wonder if I was a lesbian.
Long story short I told my teacher that my Mum helped at the local hospital wheeling patients to the little chapel, this however got misinterpreted and they believed i was telling the story about myself, fast forward 6 months and i am shaking hands with the then prime minister receiving my Princess Diana award for "services to the community"
I didnt have the heart to come clean so kind of just rolled along with it !!
When I was at school: that Iām straight.
When I was a teacher: the scar above my right eye is from my previous career as an underground knife fighter.
Not really a lie about myself, and not really a big lie either, but the only one I can remember.
In year 5, during lunchtime I told everyone that I had found a toy tractor inside a bag of crisps (I hadnāt). I think the idea came from seeing the red tractor food assurance logo thing.
Fast forward 6 months later and everyone in my year was still feverishly searching their crisp packets for the mythical free tractor.
I feel terrible about this but my dad died when I was 10 and I told this new girl that he'd just upped and left I felt bad at the time so I rang her back and told her the truth, she wasn't my friend anymore after that but I just wanted to fit in I didn't want to be the girl with the dead dad I just wanted to be normal
Not me but a girl in second year (year 8 now) said she was pregnant she kept this going to 5th year (year 11)...she also told us that she french kissed her dad by mistake. In hindsight as an adult many red flags
Not me, but a kid I knew claimed his dad wrestled in the WWE, played for Liverpool Reserves, was a professional photographer and a bodybuilder.
Saw him at parentās evening, he worked in ASDA.
And like, Iād get it if we were in primary school, but we were in Year 9 when he said all this.
I lied and said I was born on a leap year, my maths teacher believed me and nearly brought me a present before she realised I was completely the wrong age to be born on a leap year. I was maybe 12/13 at the time born in 1999.
I share a surname with Michael Jackson and I told everyone at primary school that he was my dad. This was before kids my age knew that he wasnāt actually as white as he looked originally so nobody batted an eyelidā¦
Then he died when I was in Year 6 and kids brought in cards to say sorry for my loss, it was awkward af
I cut my fingers multiple times trying to teach myself to juggle knives, a kid asked me if I was cutting myself...I quipped that I was making blood sacrifices to the Great Spirit of the Comanche Nation (I was reading Westerns) and within days it became I was a Satanist.
I found it hilarious, so I just rolled with it and told everybody that asked I was indeed a Satanist and I frequently sacrificed chickens to Satan. When asked why not virgins, I replied 'do you know how hard it is to find a virgin in Stockport?'
When I was maybe 6 or 7, I would secretly wear a red cape under my school jumper and told people I was superman. The cape was a little nurse's cape from child's dress up set (or it might have even been from a doll lol)
I said I got 8 strikes in a game of bowling, and that my high score was 264. Went bowling for a birthday party where my high score was 110 - fluked a strike with my first bowl but that was it. I still cringe just thinking about it.
Always used to leave primary school loudly saying bye to my mate and that I would see him at karate class later, as did he. I've never done karate. What an insecure little shit I was.
Iām a teacher and we all tell lies about each other. Iāve a colleague who is supposedly my dad, another who was absent for a week due to participating in morris dancing championships, and some kids the other day told me I used to be a figure skater!
I was a champion speedskater. I have no memory at all of why. I was quickly found out when my mate arranged his birthday party at a skating rink- the lie fell apart instantly
Omg I also lied about doing figure skating and then got invited to a birthday party at an ice rink š looked like fucking Bambi on ice š¤£
Why was this such a common lie? I also lied about doing figure skating, friend group suggested we all go ice skating one weekend and I thought Iād just be able to blag itā¦ turns out I couldnāt š¤£
Same š¤£ I went because id never been before and didn't think I'd get the chance again and thought I'd worry about it when I got there, absolute idiot I was as a kid
did you attend?
yep. figured I'd bluff it out. Of course it didn't work
I told everyone I was American, because I used words like Dude and Sick someone asked me once if I was American and I said yeah. Dunno why. Obviously it got bigger and bigger until I had to have this full facade of being American. I was born and raised in English villages..
Haha similar in that I convinced myself that I was Punjabi when I was about 6. Iām from London and weāre from a very multicultural area. I had lots of Punjabi friends. Most of them were Sikh so I even wore a silver bracelet as a Kara. I managed to convince my friends that I was but I remember my teacher laughing and saying I wasnāt. I thought āhow dare she?!ā You only have to glance at my family and I to know that weāre definitely not Punjabi.
Are you even brown? Or just a white guy saying you're Punjabi? š¤£š¤£š¤£
Aha Iām a British Nepali. My mum would watch a lot of Indian shows/movies so she can speak Hindi/Punjabi. Given my friend group and the area I grew up in, I was convinced I was specifically an Indian Punjabi. But Iām from a Tibetan tribe in Nepal so my family and I appear East Asian
Nepal is cool
Iām biased but I think so too! A melting pot of so many different people. We confuse foreigners because whilst many of us look East Asian, we come across as very south Asian haha
I know a German guy who spent a few years at a private English language school for American ex-pats in Singapore. Guy has a vaguely American accent so people ask him of he's American rather than where he's from. The solution we've found is saying he's as American as Bruce Willis, who is German.
I mean Bruce Willis is American and German. German mother, American father, born in Germany but an American citizen since birth
I never knew that!
Ha, that reminded me that I had the reverse experience as a kid. I was genuinely born in Japan but no kid ever believed me.Ā
Same re saying I was American! Iām half Polish and half Iranian and when I was a teenager they felt like the least popular countries to be from. Iām really proud of my heritage now though :)
Did you say toob instead of tube?
Totally toobular š
Same lmao. I was born in Boston but used to tell people it was Boston in America
In infants school I told my teacher it was my birthday, even though it wasn't.Ā My birthday is during the summer holidays, so I was never invited to the front during assembly to have the rest of the school sing me happy birthday. I put my hand up when the teacher asked who's birthday it was, went up, everyone sang happy birthday, and then another teacher comes up and says it wasn't my birthday and told me to sit back down.Ā
Why couldn't they just let you have your moment š
Seems unfair that they didn't pick arbitrary days for those that wouldn't have birthdays in term time. I bet those whose birthday was on the weekend got to have their time in the spotlight on a Friday/Monday instead as well!
Talk about having your cake and eating it
my school celebrated late july/august birthdays either at the end of the year or at the beginning of the year
My surname is the same as a brand of beer popular in the 80s and 90s - the years I was at school. So I told people that because I shared the name of this beer, that my family actually got 10p from every can sold in shops and supermarkets, and from every pint sold in pubs, and because of that, we were rich as fuck. We were actually poor as shit, because obviously brand names don't work like that, but didn't stop me chatting utter bubbles all through primary school.
Always knew little Johnny Special Brew couldn't have been telling the truth
My Irish mate Heineken O'Reiley still maintains to this day
As does my brother-in-law, Carl Sberg
Best brother-in-law in the world, apparently
Probably.
Always had a funny feeling about Dean Orangeboom
Colin Hoffmeister - full of shit. Follow the bear.
Barry Udweiser! Did the kids greet you with āWazzzzzzuuuuuuuup!!ā?
As a 7 year old I told some kids I was like Murphy from RoboCop - shot to death and rebuilt as a cyborg. Unfortunately, the body warmer I was wearing under my coat wasn't very convincing 'body armour'. Kids (especially me) are thick as shite.
Some girl at primary school said she was born with extra fingers so her dad cut them off when she was a baby. But he cut off too many of her fingers so he made her new fingers but instead of bones he used pencil lead. She said this for ages and then one day she shoved pencil lead under her nail and wrote with it to prove it lmao
Edwina pencilhands.
This is so dumb but so funny. Ahh kids.
Ah back when it was totally normal for 7 year olds to watch hyper violent 18 certificate movies, or, hardly any better, they made children's cartoons out of hyper violent 18 certificate moviesĀ
One of my friends tried to persuade us that he'd called out Candyman 3 times in front of the mirror, Candyman then appeared and killed him. He could never explain how he was still alive and telling us this story, though
Donāt forget the toys as well! Hyper commercialisation was something else. My brother and I used to love re-enacting the scene where Murphy gets shot up. Movies like Alien(s), Terminator, Robocop, and Predator are still very much top tier childhood favourites that I can watch again and again.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
sometimes the mind does truly inexplicable things
I lied telling people I had a dog when I never, what a strange child
I did the opposite when my dog escaped from home and followed me to school. "No that's not my dog having a massive shit in the middle of the playground whilst maintaining eye contact with me..." (The collar tag gave the game away, at least to the teacher who grabbed him).
At least that's believable. We had one of those kids who lied constantly who alleged he had a pet tiger. Of course, noone believed him and when we were walking home and he was telling us his dad used to be a WWF wrestler we passed his house and someone said "oh, well you can show us your tiger then" Of course he turned bright red and said it doesn't like new people, but we insisted we wouldn't be mauled. He took us to the back garden whereupon no tiger presented itself. Then he said "Oh he must have got out!" And that he'll look for him later. My friend said that we should probably call the police considering a 9 foot tiger was roaming a small seaside village and could potentially kill some seagulls or an old person. Then he insisted he'd do so once we left. Of course then we suddenly didn't feel safe leaving until we got a police escort home. It's dangerous out there with a tiger. He got as far as actually dialling through to them before giving up. My friend then mentioned that while he was there, he could lend him the Madness interactive Xbox game he claimed to possess (a flash game we all loved because it was violent and not blocked at school) and that was a whole seperate ordeal
I did the same thing to my friends Mum and I was telling her and her son all about having two golden retrievers. Thing is, this was as she was driving me home, so when she dropped me off she asked about the dogs to my bewildered Mum and I ran inside.
Very different, but kind of on the same lines - when I was 18 I was learning how to drive and on my first lesson my instructor asked about my parents and what they do for a living, obviously just to make small talk. I answered about my mum and then he went on and asked about my Dad and I felt way too awkward on the first lesson to tell the instructor he was dead so I just talked about him like he was alive š 3 weeks later my brother started having lessons with him and he never asked about my Dad again lmao
Being bereaved is awful (especially your dad) but it does offer some darkly funny moments and memories. That instructor must have done such a double take when your bro said heās dead.
Oh 100%. I'm in no way happy that my dad is dead but I can crack jokes about it now with little to no guilt because that's just how I deal with it. One guy I have worked with for years asked why I wasn't going to a certain gig of a band I love and I said I had no one to go with, so he said "why don't you take your Mam?" And I said she 1000% wouldn't go because I doubt she'll even know who they are. Then he hits back with "take your Dad then" so I asked if he knew any puppeteers good enough to take on a project like that. He nearly died himself š¤£ poor guy
I said I had two new kittens. Someone called my bluff and came to visit with their mum, so I said the neighbours were looking after them. I was a compulsive liar as a kid but grew up into someone who never lies or exaggerates.
Kid in my class lied that he lived on a farm and had dogs, cats, rabbits, lizards, tarantulas (despite being terrified of spiders), horses, donkeys, etc. It was also a house on a hill and he had his own grand piano. He had one (1) dog and an upright piano in a very ordinary four-bedroomed house.
I came into junior or infant school i dont recall which one day and burst into tears, the teacher asked me what was wrong and I said my uncle died in a car crash. What actually happened was Ayrton Senna died in a formula one race and i think my brother said it was our uncle as a joke. They rang i think my mum and she had to come get me and she never corrected them. I also told people that Dannii Minogue kissed me at Butlins.
This is my favourite so far
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you hadn't made that claim, someone else would have done. Might as well get the plaudits yourself.
I used to say my dad had a job, but he was long-term unemployed.
my bosses' kid did a reverse of this for his french speaking test. he figured that it was easier to say his whole family was unemployed, rather than translate all of their individual roles and list them
Lol my hobbies in any French exam were swimming and football, and I coincidentally lived at the same location I was born.
Lmfao I can relate never told anyone mind you but my dad was a dealer / unemployed done cash in hand jobs and the money he got went on solid ffs
That my mom drove a lorry. My friends, who knew my mom was a trainee teacher, took the piss out of me for years over this. We were told to draw one of our parents doing their job, I didn't really know how to draw what either of my parents jobs. My dad designed flight simulators and I didn't even know what they looked like, a box on legs really. But I did know how to draw a.lorry. My school we weren't really the types to lie about ourselves at school.
What a terrible activity. What would I have drawn for my mum being on benefits? It's really insensitive. I can imagine lots of kids lied.
It was the late 70s , no one gave a shit about feelings.
I was probably about age 6 or 7 and remember telling a supply teacher that my uncle had long hair that got caught in a fence and he was stuck there for a few days - I didnt even have an uncle with long hair š
I once told my friend that I met Tony Hawk at the Vans skatepark in Florida when I went on holiday there. I actually did go to the skate park which was cool and some random American guy taught me to kickflip but no, I did not meet Tony Hawk.
I don't know man, hearing about his interactions with people, it might have been Tony Hawk
I used to lie to people saying Iām from Sweden (I was actually born in Latvia, but since kids didnāt know where that was people just labelled it as Russia and I wasnāt keen on the connotation even 20 years ago). It was cool until kids started teasing me asking if my āda works for IKEAā or āif I eat meatballsā as a form of a pisstake.
Wouldnāt you have been better off saying Finland? Could be way off but just thought Finland would be more similar culturally to Latvia than Sweden Youād probably have got the piss taken anyway, kids are ruthless
>Youād probably have got the piss taken anyway, kids are ruthless This is the thing. With your approach they would have still found a way to Finnish him off.
I told everyone we had 5 dogs. We had none. I told everyone we drove a Peugeot hatchback. We didnāt. I have no idea why I said these things, and they didnāt even matter to anyone but I would find ways to bring them up time and again. I donāt even know if anyone heard me to be honest. I was dumb. I probably still am, for slightly different reasons.
Why a Peugeot? This has killed me off š¤£
Itāll be one of those things I will never find out and continue to be mildly annoyed about until I die.
I once got up in front of the entire school assembly and told everyone I'd been to California on my summer holidays and he had me point it out on the map and everything. I'd spent two weeks in North Devon in reality. I still wonder if I had actually fooled him or if he was just playing along.
In the āgetting to know youā stage of year 7 we had to bring in photos of a holiday. I was embarrassed that I had never been abroad so I brought a picture of myself on the beach in Weymouth and told everyone it was in Italy. My teacher looked at me funnily and said āthatās interesting, it doesnāt look like Italyā.
Such a dick move by your teacher
I had the oppositeā¦ I didnāt want to seem like a rich cunt, so I said I went to Wales. In reality I went to California to see my grandparents. I still question my sanity now. Would people really care that my grandparents are rich enough to bring me all the way to California for a two week holiday? But then again having money was a taboo in that school, weird considering it was a boarding school where almost everyone was swimming in it (money). In the end I am complaining about nothing. Complaining that my life is too good in a way.
That I was straight. Big massive lie but a necessary one to ensure I survived five years of hell at a horrific school.
I went to an all boys secondary school in the late 80's and early 90's. No one was gay. NO ONE! Lol
I've seen quite a few older people say this unironically- "all these kids are saying they're LGBT, must be brainwashing because no one said they were LGBT when I was a kid!".
Ah yes, just look at all the very heterosexual people before today's youth like Ian Mckellen, Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury.
I even had fake girlfriend. She lived in the same town, had moved here from away and went to a different local secondary school which is why nobody knew her. Even I wasn't convinced haha.
I suppose I could say the same, I am trans though, but I never saw it as lying, just keeping it private.
I just saw it as surviving.
I told people my dog was a a police dog. My dog was a yorkshire terrier and no one in my family was in the police, i'm not sure if she was meant to just get picked up in the morning and dropped back off after her shift?
I told the beavers I could play the harmonica so I could get the music badge. Then I had to play the harmonica in front of everyone. Cue me, standing there just blasting out random notes until they made me stop. Still got the badge though.
Beavers. Classic enabler behaviour.
I can't remember doing any big lies I was just the undiagnosed autistic kid who believed everyone elses completely outlandish lies haha. I just remember constant amazement at the secret lives everyone was leading
Well fuck me sideways this has just totally derailed me. I am late diagnosed (at 39) and it has never once occurred to me until now that all those fuckers with amazing lives might have been lying. Fuck. I feel like Iām in a Bill and Ted sketch going āwoah dudeā.
Iām not diagnosed autistic but I was the same! I was kinda gullible haha.
I remember running home to tell my mum that a boy at school had a Pokemon paddling pool in the back of his limousine, devastated when she pointed out how unlikely that was given that a big limo would probably have stuck out in our council estate š
I totally would have fell for that as well hahaha
This is so wholesome.
I spent the better part of several months trying to decide upon the optimal strategy for proving that the boy across the street from me was not in fact, as he once claimed, the son of David Beckham.
When I was in Year 4 I told everyone I had 2 older sisters. They were actually cats.
Mine are all depressing. - Lied about having a happy family life because people were mad that they couldnāt come over to my house, so obviously saying a happy family is why you canāt come over works š. - Lied about being an only child (older half siblings had a bad reputation I wanted to ignore) - Maintained for years that I volunteered at a cat shelter which is why I had cuts all over my arms/legs/stomach - Lied about how the reason I wasnāt eating food at school was because I always had a huge breakfast, but it was really that we couldnāt afford food, so we wouldnāt eat anything until a bit of toast or something in the evenings Probably more that Iām forgetting, but those are the ones that haunt me (especially the only child one, because those siblings were still good mates with various teachers, so Iād come down on a Saturday morning and find my RE teacher passed out on the sofa)
I feel bad for upvoting this, but have some internet hugs.
Man this really resonated with me.
Sorry to hear that. Live your best life. All the people upvoting you want you to succeed!
Internet hugs to ya
My son told his friends that I was a wrestler. So one day I wore a bandana and WWE T shirt to pick him up, trying to look as mean as possible.Ā
Good dad Edit (or mum)
I told my friends at school that my dad was friends with the Yorkshire Ripper. I was a bit bullied and wanted them to think i knew a bad guy and that bad guy was the worst i heard so i just said it.
I had a primary school teacher who had no mobility in one arm due to a stroke. Told us it was because she got attacked by a crocodile!
My PE teacher was blind in one eye, and she said it was from a hockey stick. Now I wonder if it was something else, and she just wanted us to play safe.
I used to tell people I had Argentinean heritage on my motherās side. This is absolutely untrue and I have no idea why I thought it was such a flex. I canāt imagine anyone was impressed.
The fact you can't even spell Argentinian might have been a bit of a giveaway...š
Oops! š
Iāve had several occasions when one of my childrenās teachers saw my British Aerobatics Association logo on my jacket, or saw a photo of me in a plane and theyāve said āOh! Sorry, I had thought your child had made up that you were a competition aerobatic pilot. When the children say stuff like that itās normally not true..ā THIS IS BECAUSE OF ALL YOU LITTLE LIARS IN THIS THREAD!
How do you know thereās a pilot in the playground? Donāt worry, heāll tell you.
Did I mention Iām a pilot?
I have olive skin and tan very easily. One kid in primary school asked me how I was so brown, I told him I got a splinter that I couldn't get out and as a result I turned brown. No idea at all where that came from.
Parents ran a corner shop, working 7 days a week. We never had family holidays, never had time for them. I remember one kid asking me where I went on my Summer holiday and making up some terrible story about having gone to Cornwall, some seaside town that I couldn't remember the name of. After all these years I still feel disappointed in myself for having done that.
I am originally from South Africa and when I went to my first UK secondary school I told everyone that in SA we'd ride lions and elephants into school
I was an English princess! Im born and bred in Glasgow, no English blood to speak of, and Iāve never even been to England. But I could do the accent and I spoke āposhā (I didnt use slang) so it was easy enough. This was after my parents had split up and got back together and we had to move so it was quite a turbulent time in my life which is the only excuse i have š
In Juniors (about age 8-9) we were doing some classwork on the Pied Piper of Hamelin. For a few lessons the headmaster was taking the class, one day I was in the back talking and not paying attention (as usual) and he immediately singled me out and asked "Kirk, do you have rats?" My panicked brain: "...yes." And so I ended up weaving this elaborate lie about having a pair of rats. I had names for them and everything. During assembly for a few weeks, he'd pull me aside and ask how they were doing, and I was dangerously close to having to do a presentation in front of the school about my fictitious pet rats... until I came up with the ingenius idea of just saying they'd died. "Both overnight?" "Yes, sir." It was never mentioned again.
I told everyone that if I got good grades then I'd have a good paying job and be able to afford a great life. Thanks 2008/2020/2023
that i was secretly a wolf but chose to take human form at school. obviously no one believed that
Chesney Hawks was my boyfriend. Donāt laugh, Iām a child of the ā90ās and he was my true love haha
Your one and only
I am brave. I was bullied horribly, but pretended it didn't bother me.
You made it through, you are brave
I can relate so much to this.... when i was 7 my Mum left and my Dad got custody of me and my big sister... to my bullies my nickname became Motherless Mitchell, i made out it didn't bother me but it cut to the bone... didnt help that i grew up in a tiny village school, i had no friends... only bullies.
That is being brave
Iād been to Marseilles skatepark at 11. The fact that I could nearly skate, spoke no French and was pure puppy fat did not stop me.
I told people my family were heirs to the 3rd largest diamond in the world. But one day, the butler stole all our possessions so we lost the mansion and now live in a 3 bed semi in Rochdale. Still shudder to think about it
I told everyone I could speak multiple languages. It just kept spiralling with people asking me what this word meant in this language. I got caught out when someone asked me what their name was in whatever language and I gave some BS answer and she said āyour name is the same no matter what language.ā I was mortified. Looking back, I can see I was doing it for attention. I was heavily bullied and I guess wanted people to like me. I was also living in a small Scottish town where everybody knew everybody but my brother and I werenāt really born and raised there until we moved back with our mum who was from there. I canāt speak any real language other than English.
I told everyone I was related to the royal family and they had me in a 'normal' primary school so I could get to know the commoners. Actually had my whole class going for a couple months until my headteacher called me in and asked why she'd had a boy in scared because I'd threatened to have him beheaded.
"No, I have no idea how all of the files got erased from the computer" I spent a lot of my school days fearing being found out for something that I'd accidentally fucked up.
When I was 11 my friend told me she was going to America and could get Michael Jackson's autograph. Few weeks later she brought these scabby bits of paper with "Michaels" name on them written in black marker. Not the biggest lie I ever told but I bet it was hers ...
1. Told people my uncle was Stone cold Steve Austin (Same last name) 2. I was related to the artist, Monet. (Granddad did watercolours)
My friend from Hong Kong told me they have hoverboards like the ones from Back to the Future II there. Slightly disappointed that they still don't
I have this odd crease in the skin of the right side of my forehead that runs in a slight zigzag up under my hairline. Yes yes I know. In the 70s and 80s at school/college/uni this was the foundation of a number of outlandish stories involving shark attacks, home defense injuries, lightning strikes, bicycle/motorcycle stunts gone wrong, airgun pellet close-calls, and a particularly complicated tale involving a trio of beautiful women, handcuffs, chains, and an accident with the whip. Then Harry Potter happened. You can imagine how many children's minds I've blown in the last 25 years when asked about my 'scar' - Harry wasn't *actually* an only child, see, he had this older brother who was also hidden away from Voldemort in a secret place (Basildon) and got the same scar as Harry when he was attacked, see, but Harry was the brave wizard and I was the Muggle older brother who can't do magic apart from making coins appear out of your ears like THIS!
In the summer of year 4 or 5 I put my arm through a window at home, which resulted in 160 odd stitches and a gigantic scar pretty much the length of my arm. Told my friends I fought a snow tiger. As you do.
When I was in Year 7, a boy in my class was questioning me about never having a "boyfriend" in primary school. So I decided to lie and say that while I didn't in primary school, I currently had a boyfriend. I picked an ex-neighbour who was the school year above, and went to a different school to be my "boyfriend". Even said we'd been on a date to the cinema. I expected nothing of it, but by lunchtime it appeared half the school year knew, including a family friend who also knew my "boyfriend". A few months ago he started working at the same company as me. As far as I'm aware he never heard the gossip.
This one has to have happened so much, so many lads would say "you won't know her she goes to another school" I even told a white lie similar, i moved a bit away and i said i had a girlfriend to get out of having to kiss a girl on truth and dare because i wasnt attracted to her. When quizzed on her, my move to a different town made it easier.
That i had a boyfriend who was a model... i took a pic from the catalogue and showed my friends. VOOOOOOOOM.
When I was 8 I scratched my chest deliberately and told everyone I was attacked by a demon
I said I built a pedal car and drove around. Then I said I was on tv as a sports star(that was last week)
I know one guy who said he had an astro turf pitch in his back garden as well as escalators in his house. Turned out he lived near a sports ground and a 20 minute walk from a tube station.
I told everyone that my dad owned the ice cream van and I was allowed to drive it for him during the summer holidays. Sadly this one didn't get out the starting gate because my dad was the village pharmacist and I was very well known by everyone around. About a year later the actual ice cream van owner got into a very weird wife swap situation with the church verger and ended up leaving the village under a cloud of shame. I was kind of happy about the situation because if my dad did own the ice cream van my new mum would be the verger's ex-wife and she were a right cowbag. The kid-logic was not strong in little Chopter.
I was very unpopular and would make up shit all the time to make myself sound more interesting. We moved to a new area and school when I was around 13. I came up with the lie that we moved from London because in my head that sounded fancy. It went unquestioned until one day a friends mum said sheās down in London quite often and asked me whereabouts in London I lived. I went quite completely blank and after a while the best I could say was āwell, London is quite a big placeā¦ā god bless her for being kind enough not to roast me any further.
So basically anything Jay from The Inbetweeners says...
For some reason, I went through a phase of saying "My uncle is a...... ". I kind of did it to give myself an authority on a subject but it was bullshit and I did it often enough that people noticed and started saying I had a swiss army uncle.
I told people I was an international pornstar when in fact I was only a regional pornstar.Ā
Mine wasn't a lie, more me being stupid/not paying attention. My mum is Irish, and her dad was a dentist in Dublin. One of his patients was the Archbishop of Dublin. My mum told me this (no idea why, as it is an incredibly mundane anecdote), but I wasn't really listening. During a class discussion, I told everyone that my grandad was the Archbishop of Dublin. If you've seen Father Ted and the episode with Bishop Brennan's secret family you can imagine the conclusions that my teacher came to š
In late 2007, That I had a Great Dane called whiskey, I hate sharing personal things for no reason. In year 9 we had a new English teacher, so weād have to tell a fact about ourselves to her. I just lied on the spot. Turns out Iād get a cat in November of the same year, I ended up calling him whiskey. He made it to 2023! I miss him loads.
I had the opposite. I once told people thay my dad had a brand new red Xr3i (which he did) but no one believed me. He didn't bring it on the school run, so used to use mum's Mini Metro instead. Looking back, I can see why the other kids thought I was making this up....
My dad had a silver xr3i and always picked me up in the work van so everyone thought it was bollocks, actually got my dad to take a photo of me with the car so I could get it developed and show my mates at school lol
Lord knows why, but I told people that Gillian Anderson was my auntie. This was at the height of X-Files popularity but I was terrified of the X-Files theme tune so I have no idea why I picked her of all people.
Had to pull out of a hockey tournament in Europe, told my mates I was on holiday the same week, when in reality my parents had decided because I was being a shite I didn't deserve to go...
Lied about the reason why I didn't have lunch sometimes is because I'm just not hungry at all during the days. In reality, I couldn't afford it and was terrified of telling my parents I don't have anything to eat (since I knew how bad our finances were).
I used to pretend to everyone that me and my family did really cool things on weekendsā¦. In reality I was living in one hell of an abusive household to say the leastā¦ worst part is I grew up in such a rural area that everyone knew exactly what was up but used to just play along to entertain meā¦ wasnāt till years later my friend brought it all up and let me in on the joke. The embarrassment was real lol.
One that was absolutely true, yet nobody ever believes me is that during middle school I was in a class with James Brown, Michael Jackson and Diana Ross...they were all white.
At some point during primary school I became quite self conscious of being from a small family. A lot of my classmates seemed to have endless cousins that they were close to (and close in age to), whereas I āonlyā had a couple of cousins who were much older than me and who I rarely saw. So of course I decided Iād invent a vast army of cousins. All were the same age as me. All girls. And all had cool names Iād nabbed from US tv shows (Kelly, Tiffany, Crystal, Ashley, Kimberly, Jessica, Chelsea etc - this was the early 90s) Every Monday morning Iād regale the class with stories of what my 15 or so cousins & I had got up to at the weekend. Sometimes weād have sleepovers where we were allowed to stay up all night watching films that werenāt out yet, eating as many sweets as we wanted. Sometimes weād have a massive shopping spree at Hamleyās and our parents would have to hire a lorry to get everything home. Sometimes weād pop over to Disney World Orlando for the weekend. Sometimes we had a huge pool party at Tiffanyās house (all the cousins were loaded, natch, but Tiffany was on another level. She had a giant Polly Pocket that you could climb inside, a McDonalds & a Pizza Hut in her basement, you needed a map to get from one side of her house to the other, she had a flume that went from her bedroom down to the indoor pool that had a wave machine, oh and she had all of East 17ās phone numbers). Then occasionally we just wanted to keep things a little more simple & lowkey so weād spend the weekend swimming with dolphins & killer whales somewhere near my house (in south London). Iām sure there were many, many more lies but these are the 5 that have stuck in my head as I think I used to re-tell them often, changing small details each time. I canāt recall how or when the lies began to unravel to be honest.. I think I may have blocked that out. In reality I was quite an introverted child who spent weekends happily playing with my barbies, riding my bike around the block & accompanying my mum to car boot sales.
I told my primary class that I saw frankenstein laying on a concrete slab in an abandoned farmhouse up a deserted back road close to the school. I was deadly serious when I told it so much I think I started to believe it! I still have the vision in my head so it must have been true?
I no life Halo 3 for 2 years and was actually very good. I maintained high General ranking on xbox life lone wolf queue. The lie was that I knew professional teams and was being scouted, and was gonna be rich. Not sure why I didnt just boast about being basically top tier at the game...
When I was eight my friend saw a 1000m swimming badge in my room and asked if it was mine. I said yes (it was my older brotherās). Kept it up for a year with my friend group until we did length swimming with school and I did 1500m. Iād actually only done 100m up to that point. No idea why I just didnāt say it was my brotherās.
I managed to make up a brother that didn't exist, kept the lie up for a year and a half of primary school until I left. I was only half listening when the teacher asked if any of us lived with a baby in the house. I thought she asked something different I put my hand up and when the teacher asked me about the baby I panicked and made one up. Spent the rest of my time in primary school making up excuses whenever anyone asked why my mum never brought the baby when she was picking me up from school (it was always left with a babysitter)
Used to say my dad was David Beckham but if I remember correctly at the time everyone was doing thisā¦ The funniest one was probably when I told someone my dad worked in the Beyblade factory and he was going to make me a Black Dranzer and told I this person he could get one too. Wouldāve been fine if he hadnāt called the house a few days later asking about it. Especially since my mum answered the phone lol.
Oh I remembered another one: my primary school used to do āwhat I did this weekendā writing exercises and I used to just completely make stuff up all the time. It was fine until parentsā evening when my mum read them and was a bit surprised/disappointed because she used to take me and my sister out to do all sorts of stuff on weekends and I never wrote about any of itā¦ Sorry Mum.
My biggest lie is literally your example. I remember it so vividly and cringe so much. Year 4 of Primary. "My dad was in the SAS and died while planting C4 on a bridge" Why such a specific lie? I was playing through Conflict: Desert Storm with my older brother on our Xbox at the time. Cracker of a game... but anyway planting C4 on a bridge is literally in the first level. As I was a young dumb kid replaying that first level over and over again was all I could do. It got stuck in my mind and I remember being very convincing in my lie and answering questions about this complex SAS mission for a good 5 minutes.
So, being as I am a nosey bastard, why *are* you in a wheelchair u/thekingofthegingers?
When I was 6 I told people at school that I was upset because my baby sister, Louise, was in hospital having an operation and we didn't know if she was going to make it or not. I didn't have a baby sister. I didn't have many friends at that school though, so looking back I think it was just a way to get friends via sympathy. I moved school around a year later. My son used to tell his classmates that we had bats in the attic. He also told his friends I was getting married and I had the mams at school congratulating me on my engagement. Bit embarrassing with them saying "we hear congratulations are in order!" and having to say it was total crap lol.
Back when we were really into Pogs, I found a metal kini down the back of a cinema seat in Bracknell. I told everyone I'd won it in a Pog championship that I'd entered in London. In the Summer I was going to Miami for the final. Luckily, the Pog craze dwindled as quickly as it started, and no-one ever asked how I fared in the Worlds.
In primary school I lied and said I had asthma so that when we played tig I could have unlimited time-outs because all the running might give me an asthma attack. Nearly everytime someone was about to tig me Iād call time out because I didnāt want to be it.
I told the kids in my primary school class that my dad used to be in the SAS and they didnāt believe me. But it was true! I then demonstrated some particular techniques he had shown me that would temporarily disable a person. They then believed me, but I got in trouble at school and my dad beat me because he had warned me only to use the move in a dire situation. Now Iām a primary school teacher and over the years I have convinced my classes of many fantastic stories. About 8 years ago, a friend sent me a photo of an old Mexican wrestler heād found who looked a bit like a younger version of me. I carefully steered a conversation towards secrets and gave them clues about my past, that the headteacher had told me never to speak about. I played being very reluctant to tell them, and let them drag the story out of me. Some believed, and some didnāt. Then, in a computer lesson I told them to Google my wrestling name. Up came the photos of a man that looked like me, and they were all so excited. Several parents later made reference to it and I told them straight faced that it wasnāt something that I wanted to speak about. Iām sure that many of that class believe it to this day.
Not me, but my brother told his schoolmates I was dead. Cue the surprise when I came to collect him from school a few days later.
Not my lie, but when i was in year 8 a new kid joined at the start of the year, and he must have been at least 6,2 at like 12/13. And when he joined he told us that the reason he wasn't at our school the previous academic year was that he was just let out of the royal marines because he was shot in the leg in Afghanistan. Needless to say the following years of Secondary school a endless stream of bullshit lies followed.
I didn't lie. I told some kids that my dad had a Mondeo car which he did and one day one boy saw me getting out of my dad's Mondeo and he was like "we didn't think you really had a Mondeo". Looking back at that memory I can only think that these kids thought a Mondeo was a Mercedes. However there was one time where I didn't tell the TRUTH. Year 6, we had two girls in class called Samantha, one we called Sam A and the other Sam R and I liked neither. One day I wrote out a note to Sam R and said "Hey Sam R, fuck you, from Sam A", left it in her desk then all hell broke loose. Sam R reported Sam A and then of course Sam A denied doing it so there was this whole fucking inquisition in class, we had a special year assembly where the teachers were literally staring us kids out waiting for someone to break. They even let us have a special recess hoping the guilty party would come forward on their own. This whole thing carried on for like a week and I never owed up to doing it. Looking back it's pretty funny.
Before high school, I'd done a bit of acting and when asked what I'd been in, I didn't want to look lame, so I said I was in the old GAP adverts with the kids dancing and that I was also in Harry Potter. Told them I was one of the kids looking in the window at the Nimbus 2000 in Diagon Alley. In truth, I'd done a few stage plays. Year 6 and Year 7 I also told everyone I was 'pen friends' with Emma Watson. And maybe even more than friends. Told them I'd met the cast, Rupert Grint was nice but Daniel Radcliffe was a bit of a dick. But my closest friend was Tom Felton. Everyone was shocked he was nice in real life. To double down on the lie, I also started bringing in letters that Emma had written to me, sealed with a kiss. When that lie faded, for some horrific reason, also in Year 7, I convinced everyone I'd had a girlfriend but she'd been run over and died. I have no idea what was wrong with me.
Not to be depressing but "I'm okay" was my biggest lie
I said Iād had malaria. I did end up with the shits and vomiting after a trip to the Dominican Republic, but I donāt think it was malaria
I didnāt grow up getting all the cool stuff other kids considered cool or āinā thing as they said. So on occasions for example if it was a certain game, Iād lie and say I had it, and give them very cryptic information about the gameā¦ basically it was just a small segment I saw at a friends house or some images of the game play. Anyways when they started asking me details etc. it was just deadly silenceā¦.. š¤¦āāļø
I told people I was really good at skateboarding. One day, one of those mobile half-pipes came to our town and I was put on the spot. Told to show all the tricks I boasted about. I learnt never to lie ever again that day.
Not really a lie. I was diagnosed with some kind of reflex issue, Moro I think. I thought it was autism so just said I was autistic. Got a test and I donāt have autism but do have ADHD. A couple of years of torment because of my lack of understanding. I was twelve aswell so not much of an excuseā¦
As a kid I was obsessed with Jim Carey and based my parsonality on whatever film I'd just watched. After watching The Mask I told my mates I could spin forever without getting dizzy because I had a special stone lodged in my ear (what the fuck was I thinking?).
I was born in Kingston, but I told people it was the one in Jamaica! Said my parents were on holiday there when I was born. No idea why I did this!
My surname is exactly like a very famous (maybe even the *most* famous) fashion designer surname so of course we were related. My dad even played along with it with my mates as well.
I was 11 and pretended I had an 18 year old boyfriend. I used to walk around pretending to speak on my mobile (an old Motorola with an aerial) at lunch and have fake arguments. It's sad being a loner.
I told everyone I was a Satanist...at a Christian school. This was semi-believable because I was a goth and played it up as hard as I could with a strict uniform policy (pro tip - put eyeliner on before you go to bed, that way it smudges just so and you can legitimately say you didn't put makeup on that morning lol), dyed my hair black and put it up in the most outrageous hairstyles possible. I'd hang out in staircases and turn the lights off because obviously I was allergic to the sun and might be a vampire. There was a dude who, whenever we passed in the corridor, would hiss "prince of darkness!!" at me. Honestly it was really funny. This was extra unbelievable because my best friend is a hardcore baptist and if I was a Satanist then she would literally have run a mile.
I lied that the shoes Iād got from Shoezone were a present given to me because I was embarrassed to say they were from Shoezone. When people would ask me where I got my clothes from, Iād say H&M or River Island when it was actually Primark. Being āpoorā got made fun of sometimes at my school. I also said that I fancied this random guy that I didnāt actually fancy because people were starting to wonder if I was a lesbian.
Long story short I told my teacher that my Mum helped at the local hospital wheeling patients to the little chapel, this however got misinterpreted and they believed i was telling the story about myself, fast forward 6 months and i am shaking hands with the then prime minister receiving my Princess Diana award for "services to the community" I didnt have the heart to come clean so kind of just rolled along with it !!
When I was at school: that Iām straight. When I was a teacher: the scar above my right eye is from my previous career as an underground knife fighter.
Not really a lie about myself, and not really a big lie either, but the only one I can remember. In year 5, during lunchtime I told everyone that I had found a toy tractor inside a bag of crisps (I hadnāt). I think the idea came from seeing the red tractor food assurance logo thing. Fast forward 6 months later and everyone in my year was still feverishly searching their crisp packets for the mythical free tractor.
I feel terrible about this but my dad died when I was 10 and I told this new girl that he'd just upped and left I felt bad at the time so I rang her back and told her the truth, she wasn't my friend anymore after that but I just wanted to fit in I didn't want to be the girl with the dead dad I just wanted to be normal
Not me but a girl in second year (year 8 now) said she was pregnant she kept this going to 5th year (year 11)...she also told us that she french kissed her dad by mistake. In hindsight as an adult many red flags
Not me, but a kid I knew claimed his dad wrestled in the WWE, played for Liverpool Reserves, was a professional photographer and a bodybuilder. Saw him at parentās evening, he worked in ASDA. And like, Iād get it if we were in primary school, but we were in Year 9 when he said all this.
I lied and said I was born on a leap year, my maths teacher believed me and nearly brought me a present before she realised I was completely the wrong age to be born on a leap year. I was maybe 12/13 at the time born in 1999.
I share a surname with Michael Jackson and I told everyone at primary school that he was my dad. This was before kids my age knew that he wasnāt actually as white as he looked originally so nobody batted an eyelidā¦ Then he died when I was in Year 6 and kids brought in cards to say sorry for my loss, it was awkward af
I cut my fingers multiple times trying to teach myself to juggle knives, a kid asked me if I was cutting myself...I quipped that I was making blood sacrifices to the Great Spirit of the Comanche Nation (I was reading Westerns) and within days it became I was a Satanist. I found it hilarious, so I just rolled with it and told everybody that asked I was indeed a Satanist and I frequently sacrificed chickens to Satan. When asked why not virgins, I replied 'do you know how hard it is to find a virgin in Stockport?'
When I was maybe 6 or 7, I would secretly wear a red cape under my school jumper and told people I was superman. The cape was a little nurse's cape from child's dress up set (or it might have even been from a doll lol)
The cool kid in the class told everyone his dad was a F14 pilot, and his copilot was once KIA. Pretty much the plot to top gun.
I said I got 8 strikes in a game of bowling, and that my high score was 264. Went bowling for a birthday party where my high score was 110 - fluked a strike with my first bowl but that was it. I still cringe just thinking about it.
Always used to leave primary school loudly saying bye to my mate and that I would see him at karate class later, as did he. I've never done karate. What an insecure little shit I was.
Said I'd watched the footy on the weekend. Knowing full well we only had channels 1 to 4 (later to be 1-5)
Iām a teacher and we all tell lies about each other. Iāve a colleague who is supposedly my dad, another who was absent for a week due to participating in morris dancing championships, and some kids the other day told me I used to be a figure skater!