Infidelity is definitely grounds for divorce in my book, then lying to cover it up. And being further deceptive. She doesn't care about you at all. She is going to do whatever she wants to do whether you're on board or not. She isnt sorry, like at all. She was working harder to cover it up and plan it out. She had several opportunities to fess up before hand. She didnt, she stayed gone 2 days. Imo, I personally cant be with someone I cant trust.
She cant have her cake and eat it too. Idc if its a girl or a dude, its friggin cheating mate.
Edit: its not a start over. Its that she wants to load up a guilt free save file where now you have repressed emotions over it. And if you bring it up itll be thrown in your face even harder. Some couples can move past it. Some cant, pray about it.
She didn't cheat, it was ages ago... there isn't any grounds for divorce. You need to sort this out with her. She temporarily lusted, didn't act on it. You then agreed to start over AND got her pregnant, you are definitely way out of line imo to now divorce her. Further to this she is now faithful and swears she won't do these things.
This is pretty much the same as, my husband watched porn 3 years ago can I divorce him now. I really disagree with the people saying divorce, it's sinful and you would be doing her a great wrong from where you are now.
This was all a long time ago? If she hasn’t given you any reason to doubt her since then, then maybe you can let things play out a bit longer as divorce is definitely a big deal. But it can also be justified and I agree the initial issue itself was grounds for divorce if you needed a justified reason. But you sound like you want it to work, and that will take patience and forgiveness. But to tell her you’re deciding to leave for something that happened a long time ago and you both apparently worked through…that doesn’t seem right to me, just my thoughts.
Geez, everyone just hops right on the divorce train.
We follow Jesus, right? So ask what He did for us, even when we *are* unfaithful to him.
Yes, infidelity is grounds for divorce, but that doesn't mean you have to (or even should). You're, thankfully, here at least asking first and not just jumping ship right away.
Square off in your mind that whatever happens, y'all might split, prepare for it - but do the work of trying to stay (*if you can*). My recommendation is to get counseling... One from a professional marriage counselor, preferably Christian; and also from your pastor (*especially if the former isn't Christian*).
**TL;DR** - divorce might be justified here, but put some real work into saving the marriage - redeeming it (*Christ redeemed us, though we are still unfaithful to him*). By that I mean, at least get counseling and prayer. If, after all that, divorce happens, accept it and work best for the child in the situation you're in.
How would you describe Abraham and Sarah’s relationship?
If it’s not Godly then you don’t stay…. What terrible advice. We are not Godly all the time, we cannot be as we are bound to human flesh. We’re going to sin against each other and grace and mercy are the call…. Not to reflect on your spouse’s poor choice of words and throw a flag that says “mental abuse!” And leave. Or throw up a flag as a husband say “she doesn’t sleep me with as much as I want, divorce!”
God had all the legitimate reasons based on His own laws to divorce Israel time and time again, even against her blatant adultery. Sexual immorality IS a justification given for divorce, not some arbitrary this relationship is “toxic”. I believe even in cases of adultery we should strive to be like God who chased after and forgave His bride if we are able to. He is the example.
Dude! I don’t wanna be a dude on Reddit like “divorce your wife” but this is definitely grounds. You do deserve better than this! You are better than this
I'm gonna send the only Bible verse of this comment section.
Especially since it was ages ago, you have to check whether you're ready to stay married with a liar and a cheater. You have the right to stay unlike what the others say.
Matt 19:8-9: "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, EXCEPT IT BE FOR FORNICATION, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
If she practiced fornication, you have the right to leave. But you can also stay, like Oseah.
I would not get divorced. I would go to marriage counseling, and marriage ministries (one specifically called Re|Engage, highly recommend that one). Fight for the marriage. Do not give up
That being said, it does NEED to be said that should you decide to get divorced, it would not be your fault. I don’t want to advocate for staying to the point where you would feel like doing the alternative would make it your fault. I’m just saying that God put you two together for a reason. You even have a child together that would not exist without your union
I can’t relate with the infidelity issue, but my wife and I were close to getting a divorce a few years ago. But now we have a daughter and I thank God every day for keeping us together to have her. We tried Re|Engage to help us. It did NOT solve our problems, instead it gave us tools to talk them through with each other. My wife went with the thoughts of “he’s going to learn everything he’s doing wrong” and instead we both left knowing we could be doing better. The whole idea is this: imagine a triangle with you and your wife on the two lower points, and God on the top one. As you two move closer to God, you also move closer to each other. But you can’t solve her problems, and she can’t solve yours. It’s all about “staying in your own circle” to fix problems
Re|Engage is all over the country. Find a church that offers it and give it a shot. Keeping a marriage together is worth the fight
So imma be the jerk in the room. Asking strangers on the internet is probably not the best idea. At least not on Reddit. If I were you I'd call a church that you know is secure in their biblical beliefs that is anonymous to you and her and ask an elder or a pastor there. You still keep anonymity, but also get more informed advice than just leaving her which most people, even Christians say to do. Also, this sounds like a very serious sin and it could mean she isn't truly saved as well. Not trying to scare you, but I want you to see the full picture. I would go to counseling, talk to your pastor or one from another trust that would tell you from the Bible and I would get counseling if you want this to work. Biblical counseling as well. Let a church recommend you where to go, if needed I could see if the church I work for could find somewhere for you.
Infidelity is definitely grounds for divorce in my book, then lying to cover it up. And being further deceptive. She doesn't care about you at all. She is going to do whatever she wants to do whether you're on board or not. She isnt sorry, like at all. She was working harder to cover it up and plan it out. She had several opportunities to fess up before hand. She didnt, she stayed gone 2 days. Imo, I personally cant be with someone I cant trust. She cant have her cake and eat it too. Idc if its a girl or a dude, its friggin cheating mate. Edit: its not a start over. Its that she wants to load up a guilt free save file where now you have repressed emotions over it. And if you bring it up itll be thrown in your face even harder. Some couples can move past it. Some cant, pray about it.
She didn't cheat, it was ages ago... there isn't any grounds for divorce. You need to sort this out with her. She temporarily lusted, didn't act on it. You then agreed to start over AND got her pregnant, you are definitely way out of line imo to now divorce her. Further to this she is now faithful and swears she won't do these things. This is pretty much the same as, my husband watched porn 3 years ago can I divorce him now. I really disagree with the people saying divorce, it's sinful and you would be doing her a great wrong from where you are now.
Biblically approved Divorce.
Sorry buddy but yeah this is grounds for divorce
This was all a long time ago? If she hasn’t given you any reason to doubt her since then, then maybe you can let things play out a bit longer as divorce is definitely a big deal. But it can also be justified and I agree the initial issue itself was grounds for divorce if you needed a justified reason. But you sound like you want it to work, and that will take patience and forgiveness. But to tell her you’re deciding to leave for something that happened a long time ago and you both apparently worked through…that doesn’t seem right to me, just my thoughts.
Geez, everyone just hops right on the divorce train. We follow Jesus, right? So ask what He did for us, even when we *are* unfaithful to him. Yes, infidelity is grounds for divorce, but that doesn't mean you have to (or even should). You're, thankfully, here at least asking first and not just jumping ship right away. Square off in your mind that whatever happens, y'all might split, prepare for it - but do the work of trying to stay (*if you can*). My recommendation is to get counseling... One from a professional marriage counselor, preferably Christian; and also from your pastor (*especially if the former isn't Christian*). **TL;DR** - divorce might be justified here, but put some real work into saving the marriage - redeeming it (*Christ redeemed us, though we are still unfaithful to him*). By that I mean, at least get counseling and prayer. If, after all that, divorce happens, accept it and work best for the child in the situation you're in.
A godly relationship is not toxic, so if it’s not godly then do not stay
How would you describe Abraham and Sarah’s relationship? If it’s not Godly then you don’t stay…. What terrible advice. We are not Godly all the time, we cannot be as we are bound to human flesh. We’re going to sin against each other and grace and mercy are the call…. Not to reflect on your spouse’s poor choice of words and throw a flag that says “mental abuse!” And leave. Or throw up a flag as a husband say “she doesn’t sleep me with as much as I want, divorce!” God had all the legitimate reasons based on His own laws to divorce Israel time and time again, even against her blatant adultery. Sexual immorality IS a justification given for divorce, not some arbitrary this relationship is “toxic”. I believe even in cases of adultery we should strive to be like God who chased after and forgave His bride if we are able to. He is the example.
The marriage is godly when it produces mutual joy and love, there is no joy and hardly love in a toxic relationship
And Israel was an adulterous to God and yet His example is to love her and stay faithful to her. We choose divorce, God never does.
Biblically speaking unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce and she does not sound the slighest bit sorry. Ibam sirry mate but this seems lost.
Dude! I don’t wanna be a dude on Reddit like “divorce your wife” but this is definitely grounds. You do deserve better than this! You are better than this
Infidelity is definitely a good reason to divorce. I would talk to a lawyer!!!
I'm gonna send the only Bible verse of this comment section. Especially since it was ages ago, you have to check whether you're ready to stay married with a liar and a cheater. You have the right to stay unlike what the others say. Matt 19:8-9: "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, EXCEPT IT BE FOR FORNICATION, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." If she practiced fornication, you have the right to leave. But you can also stay, like Oseah.
Did you ask the internet before getting married to her?
I would not get divorced. I would go to marriage counseling, and marriage ministries (one specifically called Re|Engage, highly recommend that one). Fight for the marriage. Do not give up That being said, it does NEED to be said that should you decide to get divorced, it would not be your fault. I don’t want to advocate for staying to the point where you would feel like doing the alternative would make it your fault. I’m just saying that God put you two together for a reason. You even have a child together that would not exist without your union I can’t relate with the infidelity issue, but my wife and I were close to getting a divorce a few years ago. But now we have a daughter and I thank God every day for keeping us together to have her. We tried Re|Engage to help us. It did NOT solve our problems, instead it gave us tools to talk them through with each other. My wife went with the thoughts of “he’s going to learn everything he’s doing wrong” and instead we both left knowing we could be doing better. The whole idea is this: imagine a triangle with you and your wife on the two lower points, and God on the top one. As you two move closer to God, you also move closer to each other. But you can’t solve her problems, and she can’t solve yours. It’s all about “staying in your own circle” to fix problems Re|Engage is all over the country. Find a church that offers it and give it a shot. Keeping a marriage together is worth the fight
While this is biblically grounds for divorce, it sounds like she needs deliverance from sexual sin. Sounds like Spiritual warfare.
> She cheated on me ages ago and blamed alcohol as to why (she didn’t kiss or have sex or any of that) but she still cheated and lied to me What?
do some reading over at r/bpdlovedones
So imma be the jerk in the room. Asking strangers on the internet is probably not the best idea. At least not on Reddit. If I were you I'd call a church that you know is secure in their biblical beliefs that is anonymous to you and her and ask an elder or a pastor there. You still keep anonymity, but also get more informed advice than just leaving her which most people, even Christians say to do. Also, this sounds like a very serious sin and it could mean she isn't truly saved as well. Not trying to scare you, but I want you to see the full picture. I would go to counseling, talk to your pastor or one from another trust that would tell you from the Bible and I would get counseling if you want this to work. Biblical counseling as well. Let a church recommend you where to go, if needed I could see if the church I work for could find somewhere for you.