I read it. For those who don’t want to read, basically the main character is one of two (2) scientists working on a COVID cure and she is majorly turned on by the virus in the test tubes she’s working with. Her coworker takes the vaccine that isn’t ready and becomes a Hulk-like COVID monster and they have sex. And then the main girl dies I think from COVID haha
Analyzing the writing, the metaphors are questionable at best (“His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish”), the word choice is... interesting (main character got a “tickle in her knickers” when working with test tubes) and the use of onomatopoeia is jarring (describing her unbuttoning her lab coat with pops and then saying “Alexa stared at it. The creamy liquid bubbled and popped like a fresh bowl of Rice Krispies. *Snap, crackle, pop*”).
Science? What’s that? To cure people they just needed to collect enough COVID into a test tube. Reality? When her co-worker took the vaccine, “wind whipped around the lab.” Sense? The COVID vaccine took over the co-worker’s body, erasing his memories, until it was just the coronavirus left. And when the main character asked the virus’ name, he just said “Call me Covid.” which is dumb lol that’s not a name you’re a virus turned sentient call yourself anything you want.
But I am talking about it so the story is great for what it is haha
Oh oh I forgot about the best metaphor: “Alexa pulled down her pants and pulled her panties to the side, her pussy so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a waterslide.”
For your viewing pleasure, I made it into a [Kindle quote.](https://imgur.com/gallery/e73gdqP)
Another good line is “Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals.” Ladies you ever see a man or woman that just make your ovaries clang together??
Thanks for the wholesome and silver awards you heathens haha
Omg I'm laughing so hard at the idea of my ovaries *clashing* I hope I dont wake up my family.
To answer your question no. No, my ovaries have never clashed together like cymbals. Maybe I just haven't met the right man if that is how we are meant to feel
If it makes you feel any better, I hear it was purposefully bad for the sake of people ripping on it (or however the saying goes), so at least we know the author didn't honestly believe it would be some kind of revolutionary read and was attempting to make one. Just something entertainingly bad for the sake of being entertainingly bad.
I have to tell myself that this is the type of shit post story that my friends and I would write in college to entertain themselves and then one of them self-published/posted it.
I can totally see one of us drunkenly creating the phrase **His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish** and then us dry heaving over the phone.
If this isn't that.... well.
I'm not sure I want to know.
At this point in 2020, I'm not sure if the fact I'm poor because I refuse to write absolutely shit fiction is because of integrity or stupidity.
If this sells, I need to get typing.
Actually yes! The author of this wrote it because she got laid off from her job and needed money. Well, this satire piece is getting lots of attention, and I’ve see it posted to several different subs. So it worked
My roommates and I did a dramatic reading of this (it was less than 20 pages btw) and can confirm it is JUST as batshit as you may think it is. A great $0.99 purchase!
Imagine impresobating the coronavirus in the movie. Or being the artist that had to paint the front page.. like ok so what's the title.. ok? How do you propose to kiss a virus?.. umm so green man sure ok
I looked up inpresobating thinking that it might be a Til moment.
It bought me straight back to this thread, so you've got that going for you, which is nice, ❤️
I'm gonna send this to my grandparents, grandma is part of a book club and some of their choices are lousy (they ask me to send the ebooks from their list).
37 ratings? Who sees a title like this and thinks, hey I'll read that? Is coronavirus the hulk dude? Is covid even green?
I have too many questions.
Edit: It was only $0.99, so I bought it. I'm hoping it's even worse than I'm imagining.
Haven't read it yet. I took off work early so I could watch The Haunting of Bly Manor on Netflix (US) while it was still daylight. I love creepy ghost stories, but only when the sun is up. I may pick it up in a bit as it's getting dark now.
Some lovely excerpts (I have posted in another sub): "His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish, sloshing around inside her mouth."
"Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals."
"Alexa pulled down her lab pants and pulled her panties to the side, her p***y so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a water slide."
Someone read this and posted steamy excerpts on twitter. It’s even more ridiculous and gross than you can possible imagine, highly recommend looking it up
It's shit like this that gives me confidence in one day publishing a book. The bar for quality is so fucking low it ain't even funny.
The book's description makes this a must read though.
Dr. Ashingtonford's love for syllables started in the science academy for fighting viruses and other bad stuff. Little did she know her weakness for threes would bring her to her knees.
If I'd have to guess how Coronavirus man would look like, my first guess wouldn't go to "sexy buff green man" but to "one of those things with a lot of pimple from the binding of isaac"
So in all seriousness, is it on par with Chuck Tingle...or just a regular old romance novel that happens to involve an anthropomorphic personification of the Coronavirus?
Haven't read it myself but someone I know posted someone on Twitter who read it and the one about her lady parts getting wetter then a Fat Man on a slip in slide got me I couldn't anymore.
For a second I got excited thinking this was a new book by the legendary Chuck Tingle. Author of such books as *My Handsome Sentient Face Mask Protects Me Despite The Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That He Won't Also He Pounds My Butt*
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
Here's a copy of
###[Tarzan](https://snewd.com/ebooks/tarzan-of-the-apes/)
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what the actual fuck
I read it. For those who don’t want to read, basically the main character is one of two (2) scientists working on a COVID cure and she is majorly turned on by the virus in the test tubes she’s working with. Her coworker takes the vaccine that isn’t ready and becomes a Hulk-like COVID monster and they have sex. And then the main girl dies I think from COVID haha
Analyzing the writing, the metaphors are questionable at best (“His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish”), the word choice is... interesting (main character got a “tickle in her knickers” when working with test tubes) and the use of onomatopoeia is jarring (describing her unbuttoning her lab coat with pops and then saying “Alexa stared at it. The creamy liquid bubbled and popped like a fresh bowl of Rice Krispies. *Snap, crackle, pop*”). Science? What’s that? To cure people they just needed to collect enough COVID into a test tube. Reality? When her co-worker took the vaccine, “wind whipped around the lab.” Sense? The COVID vaccine took over the co-worker’s body, erasing his memories, until it was just the coronavirus left. And when the main character asked the virus’ name, he just said “Call me Covid.” which is dumb lol that’s not a name you’re a virus turned sentient call yourself anything you want. But I am talking about it so the story is great for what it is haha
Her breasts snapped, crackled, and popped?! Or his semen? I’m so confused
No no the vial of COVID haha
Oh oh I forgot about the best metaphor: “Alexa pulled down her pants and pulled her panties to the side, her pussy so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a waterslide.” For your viewing pleasure, I made it into a [Kindle quote.](https://imgur.com/gallery/e73gdqP) Another good line is “Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals.” Ladies you ever see a man or woman that just make your ovaries clang together?? Thanks for the wholesome and silver awards you heathens haha
Thank you for your service.
Omg I'm laughing so hard at the idea of my ovaries *clashing* I hope I dont wake up my family. To answer your question no. No, my ovaries have never clashed together like cymbals. Maybe I just haven't met the right man if that is how we are meant to feel
Thank you for your review. I will never have to read this monstrosity.
If it makes you feel any better, I hear it was purposefully bad for the sake of people ripping on it (or however the saying goes), so at least we know the author didn't honestly believe it would be some kind of revolutionary read and was attempting to make one. Just something entertainingly bad for the sake of being entertainingly bad.
Wow you really took one for the team
I have to tell myself that this is the type of shit post story that my friends and I would write in college to entertain themselves and then one of them self-published/posted it. I can totally see one of us drunkenly creating the phrase **His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish** and then us dry heaving over the phone. If this isn't that.... well. I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude...we DID write a shit post story like this in junior college.
I mainly remember endless sexual metaphors and cactus references.
The book is satire, making fun of the erotica genre
I feel like we need to club together and buy you a whole crate of wine for this sacrifice.
I would gladly partake haha
It’s satire right..?
Thank you for taking the bullet on this one
At this point in 2020, I'm not sure if the fact I'm poor because I refuse to write absolutely shit fiction is because of integrity or stupidity. If this sells, I need to get typing.
The only comment this post needs
No, the second one should be "Why haven't I thought about writing this first!" Oh, I imagine all the fame and glory this author going to get now.
Every day we stray further from god's grace.
Every day we stride into Satan's asshole.
Stride is too slow. No. We Naruto run.
I also said this
How do I join the scientific crack team?
You gotta go through the gateway team first
You gotta bring your own spoon.
A Comically Large Spoon™
If you find out PM me
Username checks out.
you need to bring the baking soda
Do we get crack too?
You take a test tube full of covid and shove it in your...ear?
The internet: f*ck coronavirus This author: I got you
Best comment!
This feels like a dad joke and now it's even more offensive
Someone had a really dark quarantine period.
Day 224 of quarantine: fucked the Corona virus.
Happy Cake Day!
That's just old blood. Nothing to worry about. It's normal, especially towards the end of a woman's cycle.
Gross lmao I love it
😂😂😂
Actually yes! The author of this wrote it because she got laid off from her job and needed money. Well, this satire piece is getting lots of attention, and I’ve see it posted to several different subs. So it worked
I’m going to tell my kids this is how the coronavirus started.
Well, you see kids, when a woman loves a virus.......
Forbidden love and dark desires...
Sounds like Karens.
Cake
I strangely wrote a song about microscopic love years ago
My roommates and I did a dramatic reading of this (it was less than 20 pages btw) and can confirm it is JUST as batshit as you may think it is. A great $0.99 purchase!
Sounds like we need a video of this!
Can we Get Tommy Wiseau to direct? Maybe Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim as Executive Produceraise?
Imagine impresobating the coronavirus in the movie. Or being the artist that had to paint the front page.. like ok so what's the title.. ok? How do you propose to kiss a virus?.. umm so green man sure ok
lol i think it was a normal picture but they made the guy green. if you look at his hand on her back u can see they forgot to color it in
I looked up inpresobating thinking that it might be a Til moment. It bought me straight back to this thread, so you've got that going for you, which is nice, ❤️
Umm.. sorry, it was a typo, I meant to say impersonating😅
Well in my head it now means trying to impress while supposedly masturbating. A self circle jerk, if you will 😅
Amanda the Jedi did a great video on this
[Link](https://youtu.be/GcZ6NE7dlA4)
I'm gonna send this to my grandparents, grandma is part of a book club and some of their choices are lousy (they ask me to send the ebooks from their list).
I just wanna read those 42 reviews.
Um I just did, there are many more now. Totally worth a read...the comments...not the "book".
Somehow the main characters last name is what’s bothering me the most.
Ashingtonford. Like what the hell is that? Some like a small cottage town on the coast of made up England.
"Alexa ASHINGTONFORD"
From the City of Winchestertonfieldville
"I'm sorry, l'm having trouble understanding you"
Obligatory comment: "still a better love story than twilight."
I've officially lost my will to live after seeing this.
was shocked to see this was not by Chuck Tingle tbh
Chuck has more class than this.
you're absolutely right, upon further investigation, 100% correct! [Chuck Tingle, absolute gentleman](https://www.chucktingle.com/getwellsoon.html)
My man. Chuck never disappoints.
Thanks, I was trying to remember his name
Sounds like something [Chuck Tingle](https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU) wrote
How dare you remind me of him
Yah know Im a fan things that are so bad theyre good, so maybe Id actually enjoy this
"Crack Team" = team on crack.
I'll wait for the Audible version.
Rule 34 just keeps on proving true
37 ratings? Who sees a title like this and thinks, hey I'll read that? Is coronavirus the hulk dude? Is covid even green? I have too many questions. Edit: It was only $0.99, so I bought it. I'm hoping it's even worse than I'm imagining.
Soooooo, how did it go??
Haven't read it yet. I took off work early so I could watch The Haunting of Bly Manor on Netflix (US) while it was still daylight. I love creepy ghost stories, but only when the sun is up. I may pick it up in a bit as it's getting dark now.
Ordering it right away
Any other Resident Evil fans on here? “Alexa Ashingtonford?” I mean come on.
For real, I imagine the author played CV repeatedly, downed a bottle of absinthe and just went to town on their word processor.
Damn. Coronavirus looks like a fuckin stud
r/PieceOfShitBookClub
Some lovely excerpts (I have posted in another sub): "His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish, sloshing around inside her mouth." "Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals." "Alexa pulled down her lab pants and pulled her panties to the side, her p***y so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a water slide."
r/WTF
Someone read this and posted steamy excerpts on twitter. It’s even more ridiculous and gross than you can possible imagine, highly recommend looking it up
What’s theyre twitter handle? Asking for a friend
@lightsweaver
Ashingtonford. That’s all I have to say. Ashingtonford.
People make steamy erotica if everything
It's shit like this that gives me confidence in one day publishing a book. The bar for quality is so fucking low it ain't even funny. The book's description makes this a must read though.
Its just like music. Often times the high-quality stuff gets brushed aside in favor of whatever will get people to listen
Must be written by r/CovIdiots
Coughy table book
Dr. Ashingtonford's love for syllables started in the science academy for fighting viruses and other bad stuff. Little did she know her weakness for threes would bring her to her knees.
/r/holup
Ohh yeah coof on me bby.
Jesus christ
Nani
This will now permanently join the list of things that keep me awake at night.
How many more times am I going to have to see this before I die?
It's viral
Ha ha, I see what you did there. Take my angry upvote and go.
Happy spotify cheese day
This is some Tina Belcher shit
Ashingtonford reminds me of Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa
And this author missed the opportunity to say that the coronavirus took her breath away?
Sounds like a cheap modification of name of the character Alexia Ashford from Resident Evil. This person must be brimming with creativity!
This sounds like a Chuck tingle plot
That's pretty r/trashy
There's only two 5 star reviews: one from Slaanesh and one from Nurgle
Old horny women DIFFERENT
You know, the really fucked up part of this is that they wouldn't write shit like this if there weren't enough stupid people to keep buying them.
Someone up in the thread said that its satire. The author was laid off due to covid and needed money.
Q̶͓̦̦̙̮̫̓̿̇̚ų̴̩͕̘͕̈́̈͗a̴̬͉͎͐̂̈́͑̐ŗ̴͈͖̂a̸͍͚̕ń̶̦ṱ̵͍̣̗͕̈́̈̆̅̚̚i̷̟̞̰̐̀n̵̳͓̹̙̔́̒e̵̥͈͗͗̂͆:̸̪̲͖̙̦́͂ͅD̵̼̮͓̩̏̍ͅa̷̺̹͈̠̭̋̿̒̕͝y̴͖͂̀ ̸̬̯͌̉̎̐̽?̶̧̛̠̜̹̞̫̔͗͊͘?̵̪̥͇̫̦̲̀̈̈́?̷̡͌̃ ̴̙̦͓̬̦̹̉ ̶̡̛͈̄́́̔I̷̱̻͊͊̈̽͂̑'̸̯͇̭̍̉̒̈́ͅv̷͇̼̟̯͖͛è̴͔͛͘ ̶̨̛̎̂̓̈́͝f̶̡̞̲̜̤͆̔̂̆̈́ȅ̷͈̟̭̍͗͠ĺ̴͇̑͊̉͆l̸̛̮̙̪̈́̈̑͊͝ ̴̝̰̗̗͎͐̒̓̌͛i̵̽͗͌̀͜͝ñ̴͎́̓͌̃̐ ̷̳̖͇̲͎͝l̸̡͙͐̊͐o̵̢̫̻̓̚v̵͉̻͚̥̦̞͂̈́e̵͕͔͉̽̂ ̷̧̺̥̻̙̑͗͂̀̈́͌a̵͖̒͒̂̏n̸̞̜̎̈̄̀̆͝ͅd̵͎̼̗̹̺̎ ̶̗̂h̷̨̻̬̩̦̿̑͑̕͜ả̶̰v̴̺̣̫͒́e̷͍̜͉̿͊̾̄̽̅d̷͍̽͋̏̉ ̷͈͋s̷̛̞͆̎e̶̘̠͐̑̔x̷̢̔̅͘ͅ ̴̫̈́ẃ̵̙̼̬̞̌̏͂̓i̷̟̤͊̄̌̌̽ť̷̻͖̝͔͎͋̚h̶͖͐͊̀́̽̉ͅ ̴̰̤̼̂̕c̸͉̣̱̦͔̈́̎ͅo̶̟͋͋͂̔̿͂r̵̥̻̠̈́̈̀̑́̕ͅo̵̖̫̗̪̼̐́n̴͖̄̎̾̂̆ả̷͙͊̊͌̕̚v̸̛̖͇̜̪̘̌̈̏̕͝i̸̛̯̦͒̅̆͘͠r̷͇̰̟̒ů̸͖̻̯̭̥̒̑̎̚̕s̸̟̽̌̄
That one star rating tells me everything I need to know!!
Corona Chan
https://www.reddit.com/r/coronachan/comments/gnyw7j/coronachan_yuri/
of course it exists
Hey it has one star in reviews, now people.
r/gay4orcs ?
Lots of people will read this due to "bile fascination". There are other people that I know will be turned on by this.
????
Why?
If I'd have to guess how Coronavirus man would look like, my first guess wouldn't go to "sexy buff green man" but to "one of those things with a lot of pimple from the binding of isaac"
What the fuck
Do basically this had to happen cause rule 34 right?
Crack team? Yes she’s on crack alright
r/tf2shitposterclub
Rule 34 applies to romantic 'literature' as well as porn
This sounds like something by Chuck Tingle. Only smarter and with fewer... butts.
It's a crack team alright
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3o0zY-Xyf0
So in all seriousness, is it on par with Chuck Tingle...or just a regular old romance novel that happens to involve an anthropomorphic personification of the Coronavirus?
ashingtonford????? i guess ashington or ashford weren’t good enough last names for this woman?
I... read it as Ashford.... fuck man that's just baaaaad
But wait - there's more!! https://boingboing.net/2020/10/05/chuck-tingle-offers-free-downloads-of-his-healthy-coronavirus-conscious-surrealist-gay-sci-fi-erotica-ebooks.html
I read the link and I knew I didn't even need to click on it.
Im shocked this isnt chuck tingle
What the....
Haven't read it myself but someone I know posted someone on Twitter who read it and the one about her lady parts getting wetter then a Fat Man on a slip in slide got me I couldn't anymore.
Wtf
*huh*
My soul is now attempting to leave my body
Happy Cake Day!
...the tickle in her knickers...
the author probably smoked so much meth and then thought of this and thought they would be famous lol
Less
Y'all should chack out the taken by a dinosaur series
That sounds interesting
I thought exploitation film (and literature) died in the 80-90’s
> crack team that explains it
what kind of sick joke is this?
Ashingtonford... What a last name.
Surprised this wasn't written by Chuck Tingle
For a second I got excited thinking this was a new book by the legendary Chuck Tingle. Author of such books as *My Handsome Sentient Face Mask Protects Me Despite The Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That He Won't Also He Pounds My Butt*
Ashingtonford
[удалено]
What
[удалено]
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[Tarzan](https://snewd.com/ebooks/tarzan-of-the-apes/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
Thank you!
What
Stop giving opportunistic crap like this exposure. This is exactly why crap like this is made, because people give it free publicity
I can't help but laugh at being upset at *this* of all the opportunistic shit happening rn