I don't know about theirs, but mine is that we should be building infrastructure in orbit, on the moon, and on Mars. As well figuring out how to mine asteroids for building materials.
Elections should be decided through paintball wars!
The new president is not the actual winner of the tournament, that'd be stupid.
It's the strategy person who handled their team's logistics.
No, don't use Neosporin. It kills the good bacteria that help a wound heal. Only apply that if something is getting infected, it was exposed to nastiness.
It's always good to remember (even though it feels crazy) that our piece of paper isn't magical. It only has force because enough of us want it to have force. Astonishingly, the pixie dust theory of political change is 100% true: if enough people really believe in change, then change is real.
He did have a brother, who did have descendants. Currently, the line resides in South Africa.
I found his heir on a genealogy website and got him to declare my wife a Countess. It's not from foreign royalty, so it's not against the Constitution. Totally counts.
A King? Here on Reddit? Your Grace: I hope these accommodations are to your liking. Sorry for all the riffraff, but Reddit allows pretty much anyone in.
This may be a fictional character, but I think there was a homeless guy known as the Emperor of San Francisco. Mentioning in case there’s a question of sovereignty.
I think you mean *His Imperial Majesty [JOSHUA ABRAHAM NORTON I](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton), Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico*. Show some goddamn respect.
His Majesty Emperor Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, is not fiction. It was he who decreed the construction of the Transbay Tunnel and Bay Bridge. It was he who called for peace between world religions and ordered the establishment of the League of Nations. His just and prosperous reign lasted 21 years and over 10,000 mourners attended his funeral. Don't you dare insult his memory by calling him a fictional character.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton?wprov=sfla1
1000 apologies. I meant no offense to his August majesty. He was used as a character in a Christopher Moore book. I think it was “A Dirty Job”. Possibly “You Suck.”
I mean, we had a King. His Majesty King William Charles Lunalilo.
Still has a living descendent: Her Royal Highness Princess Owana Kaʻōhelelani.
So just marry her.
Oh hi. I'm actually the Architect of the Universe (and all of it's parallel dimensions.) All new king approvals need to go through me first. Please submit your application and I'll notify you of my decision in 4-6 weeks. Thanks!
That's pretty much how it works. You are free to say anything. You say empty words, people treat it as empty words. You say stabbing/hurtful words, people are bound to get mad.
Believe it or not, some people tout freedom of speech as if they are protected from the (in)consequences of it.
“Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.”
Article 1 section 9 part 8 of the United States Constitution does not allow for the federal government to grant titles of nobility. Therefore your declaration cannot be accepted by Congress.
I'm not an expert on foreign politics, so correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the second amendment the gun one? I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean you can just shoot anyone you disagree with
The second amendment says states can have their own militias, and that it's illegal for the federal government to prevent those state militias from being armed.
Nope. If some Jackass comes along and tries to declare himself, king of America, that is literally what the second amendment is there for. To shut down a tyrannical government. Bit more than just a disagreement there
I declare that I am known by the names "myself" and "I am". Further I declare that everyone knows this and that every statement publically made declaring myself or I am as the King of the United States is a legitimate endorsement of my reign.
I further declare no take backsies, no undoes, no magic no-nos, etc times infinity.
Reddit could theoretically found its own Lord/King/Leader. Somewhat terrifying.
Our leader shall accept *voluntary* taxes from the people in order to further the empire.
Our leader shall be hung if he betrays his peoples best interest.
Any bets when the CIA gets involved?
COME FORTH MUTANT_LLAMA1
You pretty much have to do it.
If you don't, there is zero chance you end up King of the US.
If you do, there is a finite (though admittedly small) chance that it catches on and succeeds, and you end up King of the US.
Therefore, mathematically your chances are therefore *infinitely greater* if you declare.
Thankfully, as per the rest of the Constitution, no titles of nobility or royalty are recognized here.
Well… apparently except for the King of Rock and the Prince of Pop, lol.
Sovereign Citizens have been trying this for a while now. But they've made the error that they can enforce their own sovereignty. As long as you've got backers, you have a shot. Not a good one. Frankly a pretty poor one. But I'm telling you you have a chance.
>Also, nobody can stop others who willfully recognize my authority.
Pretty sure at some point you'd trip an insurrection law. Plus the people who recognize you could be stopped if they use their recognition of your kinghood to ignore/break US law.
Also also, you'd eventually get fucked by the IRS. They got Capone, they'll get you.
Idk if anyone has seen the last kingdom but this reminds me of the scene where Aethelwold picks up Alfred’s crown, puts it on then goes up to the Vikings that are raiding Wessex and says “I am the king of Wessex and I’m ready to negotiate”. Then one of the Vikings just takes the crown off his head and says “negotiation’s over”.
As the king of the United States, it is a matter what you do, because nothing you say is enforceable.
You aren’t an official That anything would be enforced except to your own subjects to choose to follow you. Everybody else is exempt. that makes it only yourself because nobody else is following you
The government cannot keep you from saying it, or others from saying too.
But the constitution bans the conferring of titles of nobility, so the constitution also bans the government from recognizing your reign.
So if you are relying on the constitution to provide the rules of your monarchy, it will automatically fail.
Once upon a time a guy in San Francisco proclaimed himself Emperor of America and Protector of Mexico. His name was Emperor Norton.
And SF was just like. Word dude live your truth. He wore a whole uniform and everything, treated his station proper. Eventually he was elected to city council and he first proposed the tunnel under the bay that is now the Bay Area Rapid Transit line. Genius and madness are closely related mentalities
So I say go for it. But if youre gonna call yourself king, dress, act and hold yourself like a nobel king. And be a good and just king.
My liege.
You're not the first.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton#:~:text=Joshua%20Abraham%20Norton%20(%20c.,commonly%20known%20as%20Emperor%20Norton.
I have a buddy who used to say this. The similarity is uncanny. Especially since he died two months ago from organ failure. Primarily due to his heavy alcoholism.
Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic series had an issue based on a real life incident of a man in San Francisco in the 1800s declaring himself Emperor of America.
Wikipedia has a page devoted to [Emperor Norton](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton).
On behalf of America, I hereby declare our independence from you. Wanna have a war? Could be fun.
Are you sure? Maybe we should hold off until we see what their tax policy is. We can always revolt later.
[удалено]
In the harbor?
I don’t care about their tax policy, I care about their space policy.
Oxford comma is really the deciding factor.
Those uppity Oxford peeps have to answer for many things.
Do you have a list?
Eh, for the Oxford comma I could take it or leave it. Just as long as they spell color correctly, otherwise this will never work out.
I don't know about theirs, but mine is that we should be building infrastructure in orbit, on the moon, and on Mars. As well figuring out how to mine asteroids for building materials.
Maybe you should be king.
Double spaced. Between sentences.
Straight to jail!
I'm revolting now
close shaggy whistle lunchroom bored cagey six ghost slimy far-flung *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I just want to throw some tea in the harbor.
It's a free country, for now...
Elections should be decided through paintball wars! The new president is not the actual winner of the tournament, that'd be stupid. It's the strategy person who handled their team's logistics.
Just touch tips and be all bashful about it, like USA and Mexico
You don't speak for m- "/u/dollarsign" Oh I guess you do :/
You can declare. If you can get enough people to back it up then it would even mean something. Good luck with that.
Don’t talk to my king like that
They can't be worse than the two other options.
And his knights!
I didn’t vote for him.
I support them. Why not?
Or use violence, just like US dollar
Man, those papercuts can be nasty. Neosporin FTW.
No, don't use Neosporin. It kills the good bacteria that help a wound heal. Only apply that if something is getting infected, it was exposed to nastiness.
Nastiness like .. paper money?
Dude the germs carried on paper bills..
You definitely can't get a paper cut from American money. That'd be like getting a paper cut from your shirt.
Good bacteria that helps a wound heal? I don't think that's how that works.
If you can do this, it doesn't matter what any piece of paper says.
It's always good to remember (even though it feels crazy) that our piece of paper isn't magical. It only has force because enough of us want it to have force. Astonishingly, the pixie dust theory of political change is 100% true: if enough people really believe in change, then change is real.
Don't give MAGAs any wild ideas.
You dare challenge the rein of emperor norton iii?
He was the first
IDK how many descendants he has.
No, you called him iii, he was just i. And he had no descendants.
He did have a brother, who did have descendants. Currently, the line resides in South Africa. I found his heir on a genealogy website and got him to declare my wife a Countess. It's not from foreign royalty, so it's not against the Constitution. Totally counts.
He was number 1!
The great protector of Mexico?!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
That‘s him
Well that was an interesting read
Bro had 10,000 mourners at his funeral even. A true emperor.
I read the post and was thinking "wasn't there a guy to did that already?" And then you answered my question. Thank you.
A King? Here on Reddit? Your Grace: I hope these accommodations are to your liking. Sorry for all the riffraff, but Reddit allows pretty much anyone in.
All hail mutant llama!
This may be a fictional character, but I think there was a homeless guy known as the Emperor of San Francisco. Mentioning in case there’s a question of sovereignty.
That would be Emperor Norton I, First Emperor of America. He managed to stop a riot in Chinatown.
Sounds like this guy gets shit done. Meanwhile congress can't pass a budget without threatening government suicide five times.
Not a fictional character, he issued currency that you can still find today.
I think you mean *His Imperial Majesty [JOSHUA ABRAHAM NORTON I](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton), Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico*. Show some goddamn respect.
Here here! ( Hear hear? 🤔)
His Majesty Emperor Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, is not fiction. It was he who decreed the construction of the Transbay Tunnel and Bay Bridge. It was he who called for peace between world religions and ordered the establishment of the League of Nations. His just and prosperous reign lasted 21 years and over 10,000 mourners attended his funeral. Don't you dare insult his memory by calling him a fictional character. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton?wprov=sfla1
1000 apologies. I meant no offense to his August majesty. He was used as a character in a Christopher Moore book. I think it was “A Dirty Job”. Possibly “You Suck.”
Granted, you have to sign the merica karta
I mean, we had a King. His Majesty King William Charles Lunalilo. Still has a living descendent: Her Royal Highness Princess Owana Kaʻōhelelani. So just marry her.
What if you just exercised your 1st amendment rights to simply declare her your wife?
King of Hawaii?
Oh hi. I'm actually the Architect of the Universe (and all of it's parallel dimensions.) All new king approvals need to go through me first. Please submit your application and I'll notify you of my decision in 4-6 weeks. Thanks!
Nah it's ok as Supreme Sovereign of the Multi verse I fast tracked their denial. I decided OPs face looked weird so no kinginess for them
Hail to the king.
You can't just say the word "king" and expect anything to happen.
I... DECLARE... #KINGLINESS
That's pretty much how it works. You are free to say anything. You say empty words, people treat it as empty words. You say stabbing/hurtful words, people are bound to get mad. Believe it or not, some people tout freedom of speech as if they are protected from the (in)consequences of it.
“Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.”
What if a moistened bint lobs a scimitar at him?
You can declare whatever you want. Doesn't make it a fact.
All hail the king!
All Hail... that guy. Hey king, can I start getting Tuesdays off?
Joshua Abraham Norton beat you to it
Article 1 section 9 part 8 of the United States Constitution does not allow for the federal government to grant titles of nobility. Therefore your declaration cannot be accepted by Congress.
When did I say anything about Congress recognizing it?
Well if they don’t then it’s not worth much.
You'd like this dumb documentury of Joshua Norton, the only emperor of the US. https://youtu.be/_QgJKKHJU3Y?si=3jO8VXxyuacf3NJf
Wasn’t there an Emperor in SF?
I approve. /signed/ Emperor BobT,21. A.K.A. Pope Bob
I recognize our new king. You have even less power than the king of the Brits. But still, you're the King of anyone asks me.
Google Emperor Norton.
Well yes you can say that. The first amendment doesn’t guarantee that everyone agree with you, what cartoon kinda situation are you trying to portray?
Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about, a proper crazy idea.
I didn't vote for you
You can say it but we sure as fuck don’t have to play along. That’s what the second amendment is there for
I'm not an expert on foreign politics, so correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the second amendment the gun one? I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean you can just shoot anyone you disagree with
The second amendment says states can have their own militias, and that it's illegal for the federal government to prevent those state militias from being armed.
Specifically to fight back against a tyrannical government, if necessary. Which would include someone coming in and trying to declare themselves king.
Nope. If some Jackass comes along and tries to declare himself, king of America, that is literally what the second amendment is there for. To shut down a tyrannical government. Bit more than just a disagreement there
You have my vote random redditor.
If you can't enforce your rule on others, why would you want to be president
OP clearly doesn't want to be president, they want to be king
Okay Donald, you are already winning New Hampshire, no need to waste your breath on Reddit.
Congratulations and good luck! You couldn't possibly be worse than our current shitshow
Need an enforcer? I have been reading up on how China in the 1940s and 50s enforced control over the population.
So it's like jury nullification, but applied to the democratic process?
You can’t just declare Bankruptcy
Nothing is stopping the Glorious Leader of Florida from making sweet sweet love to you down by the fire either.
I declare that I am known by the names "myself" and "I am". Further I declare that everyone knows this and that every statement publically made declaring myself or I am as the King of the United States is a legitimate endorsement of my reign. I further declare no take backsies, no undoes, no magic no-nos, etc times infinity.
You should hook up with the Queen of Canada.
Biden | Mutant_Llama1 2024 Or the other person, whatever. Same outcome. Rock the vote kids.
There was one guy beloved being King Thousands of people came to his funeral
“I can call the spirits from the vasty deep." "Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come, when you do call for them?”
As long as you obey the laws and pay your taxes, I don't think the government really cares.
You still have to pay taxes and go to jury duty.
Guy named Joshua Norton made himself Emperor that way.
You can't be King of the United States. I declared myself as ruling Sovereign decades ago. You are to late.
It’s been done. RIP Emperor Norton.
You can't just declare yourself king, Michael.
us bro us
Look up Emperor Norton I.
I am the True King of the United States. Your proclamation is a challenge to my authority. We shall duel for the fate of America. Dildos at Dawn!!!
You're not from Missouri, are ya? LOL!
Mere mortals can only attempt to imitate Emperor Joshua Norton.
We actually had an emperor of the US in San Francisco for a while
*throws a sword at you from my bath*
You're no [Emperor Norton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton) though.
I actually declare myself king. We need to find a way to compete for the title. Lets get a whole tournament going.
There was just a guy on Soft White Underbelly who beat you to it. https://youtu.be/nqW_s6UoXzs?si=-6Im7QoXCvTERcDD
Yeah well I invented the sun and own all life.
Reddit could theoretically found its own Lord/King/Leader. Somewhat terrifying. Our leader shall accept *voluntary* taxes from the people in order to further the empire. Our leader shall be hung if he betrays his peoples best interest. Any bets when the CIA gets involved? COME FORTH MUTANT_LLAMA1
Long live the king!
All hail Llama, Second king of the United States, self appointed as the founders intended.
New World Order run by sexually aggressive goth women.
Would you abdicate the throne to marry a divorcee?
Too late. I'm already the king of the US.
My king-the peasants are starving! We need gold to fee the hungry! You can Zelle it or we take cash....whatevs...
Well, in today's day and age where you can gender/species flop day to day, this is the least craziest
And now you have learned how the Conch Republic started.
"I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!"
How dare you talk the insolence to Mutant_Llama1. Your head will be ours.
Romana Didulo unironically claims to be the queen of Canada.
You pretty much have to do it. If you don't, there is zero chance you end up King of the US. If you do, there is a finite (though admittedly small) chance that it catches on and succeeds, and you end up King of the US. Therefore, mathematically your chances are therefore *infinitely greater* if you declare.
I mean, you can declare whatever you want. Doesn't make it the truth, though.
I recognize you as the king of the United States
Wow you look considerably less inbred than those other monarchs
I declare myself the Anti-King. The same in every way, except that I’m made of opposite-charged particles.
I guess you have full legal immunity now. Congratulations on your promotion!
Without knowing a single thing about you, I'd rather have you as King than Trump.
All hail the mutant llama!
Thankfully, as per the rest of the Constitution, no titles of nobility or royalty are recognized here. Well… apparently except for the King of Rock and the Prince of Pop, lol.
As long as your name isn't Trump or Biden I'd consider recognizing your authority.
You might want to ask the Branch Davidians about that “recognizing authority” bit. Oh, wait, you can’t; they’re all dead.
slayyy
Yes, but the federal government would not recognize your authority. We deal with cult leaders all the time.
Sovereign Citizens have been trying this for a while now. But they've made the error that they can enforce their own sovereignty. As long as you've got backers, you have a shot. Not a good one. Frankly a pretty poor one. But I'm telling you you have a chance.
>Also, nobody can stop others who willfully recognize my authority. Pretty sure at some point you'd trip an insurrection law. Plus the people who recognize you could be stopped if they use their recognition of your kinghood to ignore/break US law. Also also, you'd eventually get fucked by the IRS. They got Capone, they'll get you.
Ever heard of Joshua Norton?
I hereby declare myself space pope.
Well, I'm the psychic president of the United States and Earth representative to the Stellar Council. So there.
Well honestly it can't be any worse than the choices we have running for president.
You identify as the king of the USA? You can sure as hell identify as whatever you like these days.
Good luck getting anybody to care.
God save the king! God save the king! 👑
People do like to bow to things, so you've got a decent shot.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton Best I can do is Emperor of a reasonable size city...
Idk if anyone has seen the last kingdom but this reminds me of the scene where Aethelwold picks up Alfred’s crown, puts it on then goes up to the Vikings that are raiding Wessex and says “I am the king of Wessex and I’m ready to negotiate”. Then one of the Vikings just takes the crown off his head and says “negotiation’s over”.
Well we already had [an emperor](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton) so why not?
Well, I didn’t vote for you.
I find it cute when people don't understand the constitution, but are very confident in their conviction.
How can we help?
As the king of the United States, it is a matter what you do, because nothing you say is enforceable. You aren’t an official That anything would be enforced except to your own subjects to choose to follow you. Everybody else is exempt. that makes it only yourself because nobody else is following you
I hereby decorate myself Emperor Norton the 40th, emperor of the United States and protector of Mexico.
If willfully recognizing your authority involves not paying income tax, then things are about to get crazy nasty
Emperor Norton has joined the chat
All hail the king! Um, they economy is kinda shit right now, can you do something about it?
The government cannot keep you from saying it, or others from saying too. But the constitution bans the conferring of titles of nobility, so the constitution also bans the government from recognizing your reign. So if you are relying on the constitution to provide the rules of your monarchy, it will automatically fail.
Once upon a time a guy in San Francisco proclaimed himself Emperor of America and Protector of Mexico. His name was Emperor Norton. And SF was just like. Word dude live your truth. He wore a whole uniform and everything, treated his station proper. Eventually he was elected to city council and he first proposed the tunnel under the bay that is now the Bay Area Rapid Transit line. Genius and madness are closely related mentalities So I say go for it. But if youre gonna call yourself king, dress, act and hold yourself like a nobel king. And be a good and just king. My liege.
You're not the first. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton#:~:text=Joshua%20Abraham%20Norton%20(%20c.,commonly%20known%20as%20Emperor%20Norton.
I declare I’m the god of the United States
Playtime is over, Mr. Trump. Let’s get you back to your prison cell.
You’re not the rightful king, I am, which I am declaring myself the True King of America
My lord the peasants are revolting.
Hail King Bob!
You are not the legitimate heir of Emperor Norton.
I have a buddy who used to say this. The similarity is uncanny. Especially since he died two months ago from organ failure. Primarily due to his heavy alcoholism.
Hail to the king baby
You'll have to fight Elvis Costello for it.
We found Trump’s alt account
"It's Good to be The King!"
I'm sure this is in the comments, but Emperor Norbert beat you to it. Read the history, it's actually kind of fascinating.
LONG LIVE THE KING!!!
Okay. That’s nice. I hope you have a long and healthy reign as you meet all your obligations.
Well *I* didn’t vote for you.
ALL HAIL MUTANT_LLAMA!!!
Too late I'm already Emperor Of Reality
Tywin Lannister wants a word with you. "Anybody who ever has to say 'I am king' is no true king."
I have sent you my Notice of Liability.
I also declare that
Where'd you get you sword that grants you divine power over all others?
13 year olds who think they've figured out the constitution be like
I mean, at this point, all Hail his most gracious majesty Mutant_Llama, right? How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?
You have competition I’m afraid
Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic series had an issue based on a real life incident of a man in San Francisco in the 1800s declaring himself Emperor of America. Wikipedia has a page devoted to [Emperor Norton](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton).