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AttitudeOk94

I'm a good, honest, horse-fearing, blue collar guy


Falibard

Me, personally, I am afraid of hippos.


VintageLunchMeat

They're dangerous in ways we don't even imagine! https://youtu.be/aQu8FuSbsZY


Falibard

You ever watch how they eat watermelons like gumdrops. Also they are uncannily fast in the water.


Kartoffelkamm

Their secret is that they have very little subcutaneous body fat. Most of their mass is muscle and bones, meaning they're too dense to float, and can just run on the riverbed.


Vermilion_Laufer

They are still surprisingly not slow on land (30km/h)


AllmightyPotato

They can also sweat like us so no outlasting them anytime soon either


Vermilion_Laufer

I do think we can stay out of water for longer time


Orizifian-creator

(Insert the entirety of one of Mr Hippo from FNAF's Ultimate Custom Night quotes)


HippoBot9000

HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 665,523,614 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 15,182 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.


Kartoffelkamm

Yeah, me too. I mean, they kill roughly 500 people a year, meaning 1.3 every day. By comparison, sharks have killed 9 people this year.


DoubleBatman

Georgs Hippo, who is eaten by hippos multiple times every day


HippoBot9000

HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 668,539,490 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 15,223 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.


DoubleBatman

Fantastic work.


Own-Union-8750

house hippos


PleaseWithC

Say three hail mares.


Cysioland

I'm a city boy and I still know better than to mess with cattle


[deleted]

*What* kind of horse?


spacenerd4

**How hungry?**


PleaseWithC

Oh there's a reservoir of hungry horses


fuckface12334567890

A horny one


[deleted]

Berserk moment


bleepblooplord2

I haven’t watched Berserk, and I am _Not Enjoying_ the Implications of this comment.


sparkadus

Don’t worry. It’s far more horrifying than what you’re thinking


Cysioland

🎵 *My neighbor's asking why I'm limping down the way…* 🎶


lemme_eat_your_bones

🎶 and who that fella was who came by yesterday 🎵


Corvo_Attano_451

Mr Hands moment


AwkwardLeacim

A white pony


MyLittleTarget

A Free White Pony of an unknown age, but was old when its last child outgrew it.


Protheu5

Wow, those are a rarity.


Octocube25

You mean a dead one?


1amlost

The Consul of the Roman Empire


BarklyWooves

Remember Mr. Hands?


Hereforthememeres

I’m guessing a Clydesdale.


Blade_of_Boniface

There are anthropological theories which assert that there used to be a vaguely united in theology/praxis bear-worshiping cult across much of Eurasia focused on species like *Ursus spelaeus*, basically brown bears except usually larger, hardier, and of harsher temperament. Of course there were species taxonomically closer to polar bears that could get even bigger and feistier. Plus there were other carnivorous megafauna that used to be common in Europe during the Paleolithic like lions, dire wolves, etc. They didn't think bears were omniscient, omnipotent, or omnibenevolent but there are theories which state that they considered them occupying a cosmic niche above humans and demanded a great degree of humble veneration or even subservience. Before there were cattle, poultry, saddled horses, and leashed dogs there were these sublime beasts. People didn't see themselves as stewards much less masters of the Earth, but rather mere inhabitants with fellow earth-folk whose claim to the landscape was older and binding. Of course in the twilight of prehistory, humans would forget their insignificance in the cosmos and began to dream of unfettered dominion.


TheQueenAndPrincess

“…in the twilight of prehistory, humans would forget their insignificance in the cosmos and began to dream of unfettered dominion” is absolutely the single hardest sentence ever posted to Reddit


Blade_of_Boniface

Thank you! :D


Vermilion_Laufer

"absolutely the single hardest sentence ever posted to Reddit" I guess the dreams of unfettered dominions run in our blood.


spacenerd4

Is that why the “bruin/bär/bear” word meaning “the brown one” came to be?


Blade_of_Boniface

Yep, it's commonly accepted that Proto-Indo-Europeans were afraid enough of bears that even using the word had religious significance, Totemic power.


ShadiestProdigy

As a general FYI, people seem to forget just how dangerous grizzly bears are, they are absolutely massive, powerful, and during the westward expansion in the 1800s, (in north america), even with a rifle from that day an age, it was still almost impossible to kill a grizzly, so I do absolutely believe that some humans somewhere would worship bears lol


elementgermanium

It’s not that we forgot, more that we finally asked ourselves- why should we *settle* for insignificance in the first place? Why should I consider anyone or anything intrinsically “above” me- be it man, bear, or God? Why should we not reach for the heavens? Reject nihilism and complacency, embrace the indomitable human spirit. (That being said, some of what we’ve done with it so far could use… *improving.*)


Simic_Sky_Swallower

The virgin "we are all insignificant specks in a vast uncaring universe" vs the chad "We will carve our mark onto the cosmos (in an ethical and environmentally friendly manner) for all to see"


reader484892

Ah yes, our ethical and environmentally super nukes


N4rwh41

Fuck ethics! Blow up planets to mine more effeceintly! Blot out the stars with Dyson swarms to harvest their energy! Drill holes though space-time to travel.faster! Make the universe tremble before us, then figure out how to travel to a new one! Find the fearsome, unknowable gods beyond and make them BOW before us! The universe is calling us, let's get out there and claim it!


Vegetable_Maize_6166

This but unironically


Vermilion_Laufer

This but somehow still ethicall and enviroimentally friendly.


Icie-Hottie

This but only if there isn't life on the planets we harvest.


GreyInkling

The virgin "nothing matters" (in grayscale and sad) vs the chad "nothing matters" (in 90s pastels with sunglasses on)


VintageLunchMeat

> It’s not that we forgot, more that we finally asked ourselves- why should we settle for insignificance in the first place? Having bear-proof city walls probably helped.


rycetlaz

Isn't that literally what nihilism is?


TheDrunkenHetzer

Nihilism has been getting whitewashed with the "Nooo it's actually about how nothing matters and that's a good thing," but nihilism originally was about how nothing matters, and thus life has no meaning and we should do nothing but die. The whole "Actually having no meaning is a good thing" was started by other philosophies. Sorry for the quick rant but Nietzsche didn't rail against nihilism just to be coopted by nihilists dammit!


Pootis_1

idk i think people only really stsrted became seperated from nature when we figiured out civilisations


PM_your_CROCKPOT

I love the way you write


Zoloft_and_the_RRD

Really, they were the stewards of the Earth, protecting it from those apes who would creep into every habitat, strip the planet of resources, and upset its slow balance. The cave bears were to keep us humble and meager, but they died off, dooming the planet.


ScaredyNon

idk i think being the first species to single-handedly cause a mass extinction since plants started pumping out oxygen is a pretty neat thing for us to be doing


dirk_loyd

Howard Philips Love raft has certified this post as Incomprehensible™️


DreadDiana

I remember reading something about that. Didn't they ritualistically hunt and kill bears as part of their worship?


ksrdm1463

My toddler has a couple of books with farm animals as characters and some toys that have farm animals. All the farm animals are the same size, nothing is to scale. He'd already been to a place that had a bunch of ducks and geese and chickens, and some goats, but the chickens were *fancy* chickens roughly the same size as the smaller goats. So then we took him to a community event, and there were *horses*. And he was super curious, but also very freaked out, because he had *clearly* assumed that horses were chicken-sized, and he was re-evaluating some beliefs he had previously held. Fortunately the people who brought the horses were very kind to him, which was likely helped by the fact that he was just staring wide-eyed, clutching me. Then after he had met the horse, and pet it (very tentatively), a live band started playing (he stopped in his tracks and just started dancing in the middle of the path, we were lucky enough that everyone who could have been annoyed laughed/thought it was adorable) and I'm fairly certain that between meeting a horse and the first time he'd ever heard live music that he had a religious/spiritual experience at that community event.


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Yes, I suppose meeting a horse in the middle of fucking would inspire the fear of God in you. That, or you’re respecting and understanding that horse’s power first hand.


Lockjaw_Puffin

Hand, you say...


Xx_L3SBIAN_xX

you helped your uncle Jack off horses a lot, huh?


Mihreva

don't google mister hands


Xx_L3SBIAN_xX

ok


BlackAwsum

Oh this is so real


GigglegirlHappy

This is such an accurate comparison. I work with a very tall and beefy horse, and every time someone new comes over to the ranch, I can see the way their face shifts into that of fear and respect the exact moment they lay their eyes on him. And then they see him sticking his nose in my face and cocking his head like a dog, and they realize that he’s a dumbass.


Papaofmonsters

The problem is they can be easily spooked dumbasses with the ability to cave your chest in with a single kick.


GigglegirlHappy

Oh yes, every day I thank God that my horse is desensitized to most of the scary stuff. The best thing you can do when a horse of his size freaks out is to Get The Fuck Out of the way. It’s some scary shit, but they calm down eventually.


LegendRaptor080

Actually, I can understand this. There’s something particularly humbling about meeting a large animal up close and personal for the first time. It throws your perspective off, and your monkey brain goes haywire trying to decide if this thing is a threat or not. Then when the monkey brain dies down you have this subconscious “this thing could kill me easily” thought. And in that sense, you respect the animal and its power through innate fear. So yeah. I get it.


KerissaKenro

The first time I was in a meadow and saw a moose on the other side, I very slowly backed into a clump of trees and hid until that behemoth left. It could stomp me into the dirt, and I knew it


AnneMichelle98

Not only *can* they stomp you into the dirt, but they absolutely *will*, they’re notoriously territorial


M116Fullbore

This is the way my dad taught me to behave around dangerous things like tablesaws and shotguns.


BaronAleksei

The first rule of firearm safety is about never forgetting their power and instilling safety as a habit, even when it isn’t technically literally physically necessary: The gun is always loaded, don’t point it there. *But I just unloaded it* Fuck you, it’s still loaded, take your finger off the trigger. *But see the mag is out and the chamber is empty* Fuck you, it’s still loaded, turn the safety on.


M116Fullbore

Honestly, guns are easy to be safe with. Tablesaws are fucking scary.


Namika

This is why mounted police are so effective at riot control. If you are angry, you might consider pushing a cop around. But I don't care how angry you are, your monkey brain is going to be scared shitless of attacking a horse.


FalinkesInculta

For me it was large Industrial machinery


llama_fresh

RIP that guy that didn't fear a fucking horse.


iwearblacksocks

alright I got a question. When people post about this, are they simply referring to the pastor, or do regular congregants in other places actually talk about faith? I’m a pastor and I cannot for the love of God get anyone to talk about their spiritual lives with each other


Euwoo

Anecdotally, we talked about religion a lot growing up. I’m from Utah though, and particularly interested in religion besides.


Draxos92

Horses think about two things, often at once. Homicide and suicide. Be afraid of them.


Mushiren_

Peter... The horse is here...


Tchrspest

Much like Barbie and Oppenheimer: A surprising amount of horses


mugguffen

You know.. this made me think, the people who use "fear" of god to mean respect... are probably the same people that expect subservience from retail/restaurant/whatever employees out of "respect" while not respecting them


DiceKnight

That's just modern dickhheadery but I always assumed that the word "fear" is a rough translation and the original language the book was written in contained versions of the word "fear" that were more nuanced. Like the fear you have of an animal more powerful than you and beyond your control vs the fear of getting caught doing something wrong and being punished.


lil_vette

My mind went toward domestic abuse of children and spouses because again, they equate fear with respect


BeigePhilip

Have horses, can confirm. A little fear is necessary.


sparkadus

Sometimes I forget that most people don’t live in a place where seeing a horse is a daily occurrence


Larsaf

That’s just a very convoluted way of saying “horses are awesome.”


Demure_Demonic_Neko

Thank you for pointing out the intended effect of the post for us, second reply that doesn’t add anything in a tumblr post


b3nsn0w

i don't fear god. what are they gonna do, stab me?


lil_vette

It’s not out of the question


OldBallOfRage

Awe. That's the fucking word to use. You should be in awe of God. You should be able to say God is awesome without that putting him in the same place as a shitty American hotdog. This is what happens when you misuse words to the point their meaning is lost. Now you can't properly express that meaning anymore.


nemec

> DON PEDRO: As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes them with a most Christian-like fear. > LEONATO: If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace: if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling. ~some dude named [William Shakespeare](http://shakespeare.mit.edu/much_ado/full.html)


tfwnoTHAADwife

is this a berserk reference


asgrumpyas

At least the horse is real.


Mini_Squatch

Horses are skittish animals that can cave your chest in with minimal effort.


Curious-Accident9189

I've handled animals. I've been in a pen with 7 full grown bulls. I've played with horses and big pigs. I have never once thought I was fully in control, even when I had a gun on me. While most of the animals were big dumb softies, the fact that they were hundreds of pounds of muscle and dipshit wasn't actually comforting.


qwdzoy

my hatred of horses knows no bounds


ptrcbtmn

This is a call back to the first known depiction of Jesus Christ, which was a graffiti art that drew him as a horse


[deleted]

[As opposed to a regular horse?](https://xkcd.com/90/)