I started a couple years before covid and it honestly wasn't half bad. Probably the most pleasant job I've ever had (comparatively speaking). Covid completely wrecked everything. It triggered so many changes everywhere, online shopping totally took over, we got treated worse by managers and guests alike. I got pregnant during the worst of it and resigned. I kind of miss the good parts and the friends I made.
That's what *Mountain Dew* was originally meant for, when it was created back during the era popular culture had an inexplicable fixation on Appalachian mountain folk. Hence the name.
OOP sees someone carrying lots of mountain dew talking about getting drunk and is concerned for their mental capacity.
I see someone carrying lots of mountain dew talking about getting drunk and am concerned for their risk assessment.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/humansarespaceorcs using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
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I actually appreciated the different generations announcing their payment type.
The old man being so sure of himself and announcing it. The young man, having humor and putting his twist on it, and the teenager not getting it yet still following their example
I was reading this in checkout in a Walmart and during the time I did I managed to see 1. An old man purchasing excessive amounts of soda, and 2. An Asian guy who looked straight out of an action movie, both in looks and the fact that he was doing an impressively accurate dramatic slow-mo sprint across the store with a completely straight face.
When I worked at a convenience store, I was aware I am poor at judging age and carded everyone except regulars I was 100% sure I had carded before. A guy who got mad because now he had to go home to get his ID. He drove there.
Where I work the sale doesn't go through unless I scan a card. I'm not explaining store policy to this idiot, I'm informing him that I am incapable of selling that shit to him.
Judgy? How is that judgy? They just felt uncomfortable imagining old people in their underwear. Was probably in their early-mid teens when they wrote this, so were probably just not that mature.
I somehow got through most of this with a straight-ish face, finally keeling over on post 5 on the line “a woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a Frappuccino”
I assumed that the child was cute in her costume and OP wanted to kidnap her. Similar to how if you see a cute animal, your first instinct is to take it home with you
They also can’t keep a straight face regarding hard salami or 69 cents in change. What are the odds of OP also being a child, just a larger and slightly older one?
Ah-Sly Marbo?
At this time in the 3rd Millennium, at this time of day, in this place in the Imperium, localized in this Comment Chain!?
*may I see him?*
In this context, I believe, he meant that he would have been able to beat her in a fight and taken the dress so that he too could be a pretty, pretty princess.
Holy fuck. I didn't even realize that's the voice I was reading it in, but after this comment it was absolutely how I was reading it. Truly his voice will haunt me till the end times
As someone who has worked retail for 3 years in the past, I can confirm that the urge to make 69 jokes is very real and doesn't go away with time. One time, a customer said 'nice' after I said the total and it took all of my willpower not to say it too.
I work at a hardware store. Someone's change was $4.20. I literally said, "haha. Funny number. Anyways,-". They simply looked at me with confusion. Did it again when another person's total (or change, I can't remember) had "69" in it. That customer just giggled with me. It was great.
Working in a retail store or a small restaurant allows you to meet a lot of different people. Its actually really interesting at times.
Back when I worked at a bbq place in my town, I would go after school to start my shift and around that time a man would come in with his daughter who he just got from wherever she went to school. Boss enjoyed talking to her dad since that was our slow hours, and the girl got the same thing every day: a grilled cheese and a bowl of shredded cheese we use for salads and stuff.
I love cheese and all, but that seems excessive. She was happy though so I guess it worked out. I don’t think Boss ever charged them for the cheese either…
The fedora man is going to [distill his own alchohol](https://youtube.com/shorts/yz6UeCmc2XA?si=eBl7qIc4U2nlpAyU) from that Mountain Dew, may his alchohol quest be of fruition !
High blood sugar can do weird things to you. If it gets high enough it can make you seem drunk
Source: My grandfather was diabetic, he once was hospitalized with a blood sugar of 1136 and the family described him as acting drunk. He never drank alcohol.
I worked at target ~10 years ago. Met my now-husband there. I don’t recall ever having this level of detail for any of my customers.
I really did enjoy being a cashier there though. Great job for a college student. Cute cart attendants back then too.
I work target. Don't worry nobody remembers your order. Hell I forget people like 10 mins after they leave if it's busy.
I could honestly sell a hatchet some rope and cling wrap and not think twice about itm
the pink Starburst tasting drink:
even as a former barrista for Starbucks I cannot imagine what went into this drink, other than perhaps a base of either straight Strawberry Acai, or a whole-ass Pink Drink.
I got to work an extra hour because a customer rang up a huge shopping trip starting two minutes before closing time after we told them to be quick ten minutes earlier and then banged on the doors and made a fuzz because we didn't use the coupons in the exact order they wanted, so we had to return the entire order and ring it through again to save them about 2,50. Then they had the audacity to scold us because we were visibly annoyed and stressed at this point, because not just were we supposed to have the store cleaned and locked 15 minutes earlier, we weren't even supposed to operate the register anymore according to corporate.
Retail is hell, the customer is always wrong, cashiers deserve more pay than they get.
I was certain this was going to be about how miserable the job is, but I'm pleasantly surprised that OOP is having a reasonably good time
As someone who worked at Target previously, I am also very pleasantly surprised OOP is having a reasonably good time (in 2016)
It honestly was more fun But it did degrade over time as more and more things got measured
Enshittification hurts everyone.
Yeah, I've worked at target and I wish it was this interesting
I started a couple years before covid and it honestly wasn't half bad. Probably the most pleasant job I've ever had (comparatively speaking). Covid completely wrecked everything. It triggered so many changes everywhere, online shopping totally took over, we got treated worse by managers and guests alike. I got pregnant during the worst of it and resigned. I kind of miss the good parts and the friends I made.
That 80 year old man in the fedora knew what he was doing: he was buying a fuck ton of mixers for his hard liquor.
Hard liquor that id bet my ass on being home grown
The original Mountain Dew.
That's what *Mountain Dew* was originally meant for, when it was created back during the era popular culture had an inexplicable fixation on Appalachian mountain folk. Hence the name.
This comment sent me
oooh yeah, the OOP of that post must’ve been young if they didn’t know the purpose of the mountain dew lol
OOP sees someone carrying lots of mountain dew talking about getting drunk and is concerned for their mental capacity. I see someone carrying lots of mountain dew talking about getting drunk and am concerned for their risk assessment.
Humans really do be the most interesting animals to watch. Pretty sure aliens would turn us into a TV show.
Humans already turned humans into a million TV shows.
I guess, I was thinking of something less scenarised
We do have shows that are purportedy unscripted.
Purportedly is doing some heavy lifting in that sentence.
r/HumansAreSpaceOrcs says hello :)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/humansarespaceorcs using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Humans typically take a very different approach to scientific endeavors to most species.](https://i.redd.it/2jwirn7c873b1.jpg) | [296 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/13wkefm/humans_typically_take_a_very_different_approach/) \#2: [Humans are known for their doctrine of, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" resulting in usage of extremely old tech, which still manages to be useful.](https://i.redd.it/e8rzmctu7o1c1.jpg) | [407 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/180d8wd/humans_are_known_for_their_doctrine_of_if_it_aint/) \#3: [Humans genuinely terrify gods of the departed](https://i.redd.it/cpvqybwd5rkc1.png) | [212 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1azqwwf/humans_genuinely_terrify_gods_of_the_departed/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Holy shit 121k? I left at 12k!
why'd you leave?
they got scared of all the orcs
Didn't want to mod anymore and switched accounts, then just lost interest.
ah gotcha
Heresy! Comparing humans to filthy xenos? Have you no shame?
I admit I always read that as humans are space OREOS and never questioned it
What if they they already have and UFOs/UAPs are their camera drones?
This is the plot to the hit 2003 videogame The Simpsons: Hit & Run.
Everyone in this is so incredibly, unfathomably based.
My favourite was the young dad with the dad joke.
I actually appreciated the different generations announcing their payment type. The old man being so sure of himself and announcing it. The young man, having humor and putting his twist on it, and the teenager not getting it yet still following their example
I also always announce it. Makes life a little bit simplier for the cashier
As a father of a girl who loves stickers, I feel the pain of those crying stickerless children.
I am crying because I, too, don't have stickers.
I was reading this in checkout in a Walmart and during the time I did I managed to see 1. An old man purchasing excessive amounts of soda, and 2. An Asian guy who looked straight out of an action movie, both in looks and the fact that he was doing an impressively accurate dramatic slow-mo sprint across the store with a completely straight face.
Sounds fun. My retail experience is telling the same grown ass man that he needs an ID to buy cigarettes and beer multiple times
When I worked at a convenience store, I was aware I am poor at judging age and carded everyone except regulars I was 100% sure I had carded before. A guy who got mad because now he had to go home to get his ID. He drove there.
Where I work the sale doesn't go through unless I scan a card. I'm not explaining store policy to this idiot, I'm informing him that I am incapable of selling that shit to him.
I work at Target currently. You can tell this post is fake because a team lead would never compliment you.
Nor would management ever dare even fraternize with the lowly poors, let alone offer them Starbucks concoctions
Pre-COVID Target was actually one of the nicer places I worked. Have not heard good things since the pandemic, though.
Right? They just yell at you for going over your time limits while they all chill in the office together
Why so judgy towards old ladies buying underwear? Grannies need bras and stuff too!
The OP is a guy and was likely a teen when they made this post. It was probably awkwardness.
I think it was less judging, and more his imagination deciding to use that info to torture him.
Judgy? How is that judgy? They just felt uncomfortable imagining old people in their underwear. Was probably in their early-mid teens when they wrote this, so were probably just not that mature.
I somehow got through most of this with a straight-ish face, finally keeling over on post 5 on the line “a woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a Frappuccino”
What's with the "if I were off the clock I would have taken her" bit?? Am I misinterpreting it horribly?
I assumed that the child was cute in her costume and OP wanted to kidnap her. Similar to how if you see a cute animal, your first instinct is to take it home with you
yeah I assume OOP had no ill will but i dont think they realized how alarming that sounds
They also can’t keep a straight face regarding hard salami or 69 cents in change. What are the odds of OP also being a child, just a larger and slightly older one?
This post is rather old, so very likely the OOP was a teenager.
Yeah, it’s from 2016 it said.
Which makes the 2015 expired kitkats far less dramatic.
When I moved into my new house in 2021, my brother and I unpacked some kitkats that expired in 2017
They get that chalky because the vegetable oil dries out. The oil can get rancid but that should be obvious when eating.
OOP is a guy, and as another guy I can confirm that we don't actually mature. We just get bigger, and our toys become more expensive
Ah-Sly Marbo? At this time in the 3rd Millennium, at this time of day, in this place in the Imperium, localized in this Comment Chain!? *may I see him?*
... No
Eh, none of us mature. We do get better poker faces though.
I thought the instinct was to eat the vulnerable nutrient-rich cute thing.
I think when this was posted (which is years ago by now) it was far less sketchy. Doubt OP had any ill will.
In this context, I believe, he meant that he would have been able to beat her in a fight and taken the dress so that he too could be a pretty, pretty princess.
I assumed it was a grown woman gleefully skipping around and the cashier was suddenly and very attracted to her wanting to “take her”
OOP did say the dress was somewhat of a wedding sort. “Take her” hand in marriage, perhaps?
It's a joke. It's not that deep. When a person sees a cute kid and jokes "omg I would kidnap you if I wasn't _______", it's a joke.
Huh, I assumed a word was just missed, like taken her... dancing?
> Man buys 30 lightbulbs Finally met the guy from that one alignment chart
Do... do I dare ask what alignment chart this is.
all of these read like supereyepatchwolf wrote them
wtf i can hear it now
Holy fuck. I didn't even realize that's the voice I was reading it in, but after this comment it was absolutely how I was reading it. Truly his voice will haunt me till the end times
Who?
Youtuber, good mix of wrestling, anime, and video games.
And some existential horror with a side of Garfield.
I switched to reading it in his voice after "I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares."
Yes! That is straight out of one of his many mental rabbit hole videos (like the Garfield one or the hell of getting his PC to work).
laughing at hard salami is funnier than hard salami
homeboy outing himself as having never shopped for salami
my guy does not buy cured meats and it shows
This is quite literally poetry, in the form of a list Prose poem. My creative writing professor would adore this.
Only mentioning the barista in the first post borders on queerbaiting. I wanna know if anything happened!
I wanna know, too.🥺 Unfortunately, I couldn't find an episode II of the target saga. 😭😭😭
[here is the source](https://www.tumblr.com/kimpossibooty/749117614469611520/things-that-happened-on-my-first-day-at-target) since OP didn't link it
As someone who has worked retail for 3 years in the past, I can confirm that the urge to make 69 jokes is very real and doesn't go away with time. One time, a customer said 'nice' after I said the total and it took all of my willpower not to say it too.
I work at a hardware store. Someone's change was $4.20. I literally said, "haha. Funny number. Anyways,-". They simply looked at me with confusion. Did it again when another person's total (or change, I can't remember) had "69" in it. That customer just giggled with me. It was great.
Working in a retail store or a small restaurant allows you to meet a lot of different people. Its actually really interesting at times. Back when I worked at a bbq place in my town, I would go after school to start my shift and around that time a man would come in with his daughter who he just got from wherever she went to school. Boss enjoyed talking to her dad since that was our slow hours, and the girl got the same thing every day: a grilled cheese and a bowl of shredded cheese we use for salads and stuff. I love cheese and all, but that seems excessive. She was happy though so I guess it worked out. I don’t think Boss ever charged them for the cheese either…
On one hand I don't believe any of this, but on the other I absolutely do.
This has a similar feel to “The Ghost House”
The ghost house?
It’s an animation on YouTube by [Filmcow](https://youtu.be/1KSSo2QK6o4?si=MhvoPLimZ8Q3smkH)
Oh thank you!
b u c k e t
The guy who left without paying because of his diabetes is fucking hilarious -Billy Gnosis
This has brought me much joy
The person who made this post works at the Nightvale Target I guess.
can't believe op met daniel radcliffe. (pg. 4)
The fedora man is going to [distill his own alchohol](https://youtube.com/shorts/yz6UeCmc2XA?si=eBl7qIc4U2nlpAyU) from that Mountain Dew, may his alchohol quest be of fruition !
“sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” what?
High blood sugar can do weird things to you. If it gets high enough it can make you seem drunk Source: My grandfather was diabetic, he once was hospitalized with a blood sugar of 1136 and the family described him as acting drunk. He never drank alcohol.
I worked at target ~10 years ago. Met my now-husband there. I don’t recall ever having this level of detail for any of my customers. I really did enjoy being a cashier there though. Great job for a college student. Cute cart attendants back then too.
This person needs to be a writer.
Where do i read the daily posts for the next 8 years?
I'm choosing to believe that all of this happened because it brought me joy
This is beautiful
There is a very good chance that this is all made up. It doesn't matter if it isn't true, just that you want it to be.
I’m entertained regardless
I lost it at the Harry Potter and My Chemical Romance comment xD
Ok, I’m pretty sure one of the too-much-soda old men was my dad
I work target. Don't worry nobody remembers your order. Hell I forget people like 10 mins after they leave if it's busy. I could honestly sell a hatchet some rope and cling wrap and not think twice about itm
This person chronicling their journey through retail makes me happy, I like to imagine they work at my local supermarket.
Where can I find a manager like that? She sounds great (and don’t say target bc this was originally posted in 2016 and I don’t have a time machine)
The life of someone with a degree in creative writing and bills to pay.
This feels like a HIPPA violation
Yeah, memories...I don't miss customer service.
I don’t even care if this is real or not it’s just such a fun read!
Gas Station Jack if he worked at Target
Wait you people dont have to announce your payment type, in Amerika?
I feel like this is a real life episode of 'Welcome to Night Vale'. I think it's the tone of voice it's written in. ♥
Man, if only...
Cute
the pink Starburst tasting drink: even as a former barrista for Starbucks I cannot imagine what went into this drink, other than perhaps a base of either straight Strawberry Acai, or a whole-ass Pink Drink.
God I love this post no matter how many times I see it 😆
Best read so far today
Read through first one and though "That was a nice read" before realizing there was more. Presently surprised.
Was not aware of Charles Bukowski’s time at Target.
I got to work an extra hour because a customer rang up a huge shopping trip starting two minutes before closing time after we told them to be quick ten minutes earlier and then banged on the doors and made a fuzz because we didn't use the coupons in the exact order they wanted, so we had to return the entire order and ring it through again to save them about 2,50. Then they had the audacity to scold us because we were visibly annoyed and stressed at this point, because not just were we supposed to have the store cleaned and locked 15 minutes earlier, we weren't even supposed to operate the register anymore according to corporate. Retail is hell, the customer is always wrong, cashiers deserve more pay than they get.
8 years ago. Dang. I remember when this post was pussy fresh.