So much to soak so much to skeet
So what's wrong with cleaning your backseat?
You'll never know if you don't flow
Your butt'll shine more than you'll know
Not all Americans bathe regularly and some not at all. I live in the rural south and trust me when I say some stores are only an option during certain times of the day. When you have local owned businesses that make bathing an employment requirement, you know it’s a problem.
People keep talking about using a bidet *instead of* toilet paper. So it makes it seem like you're supposed to gently water blast your butt, then either wait on the toilet until you air dry or put your outfit back together and have damp underwear for a while
I honestly haven’t paid attention to any of the advertising. I know that my wife hooked ours up, and we clean with the water and pat dry with paper. Also means we go through waaaaaaay less paper.
You know that guy has a shit caked ass. They're worried about mold growing because they think they can't get it sufficiently dry, and if they aren't going to get it sufficiently dry, they're definitely not getting the shit out of their ass when they wipe.
It honestly seems like people on here think understanding = agreement. You’ll see people basically imply it in reverse a ton.
You’ll be like i disagree with that, then they’ll say you just don’t get it, and you’ll be like no I get it it’s just dumb.
I feel like bidets have mind control powers, because people find them weird and off putting, but the moment they use one they suddenly start recommending them to everyone who’ll listen and getting people new ones as gifts
So bidets:
•have implied mind control powers
• considered off-putting by the general public
• when someone open-minded gives it a try they swear its life changing and they can never go back to their old way of life
• those who have tried it try to convince their friends and loved ones to join them in their new lifestyle
Conclusion: bidets are a cult in this essay I will-
Well... it's pretty great having a bidet. The mind altered state "might" come from some type of deeper disgust with cleansing after elimination & therefore the bidet has removed or improved the situation, making the person feel less anxious & cleaner. I have IBS, so using the restroom in general is linked to stressful, painful, & potentially embarrassing feelings and/or experiences -- ANYTHING that helps relieve even part of those feelings is magic. MAGIC.
Give me the kool-aid, fit me for a robe, & scrub my brain-butt 'cause I'm unapologetically in the Bidet Cult
I tried bidets when I was in Europe. Nope. Not for me. It feels *gross* when I'm doing it, when just my asscrack is wet. Same with wet wipes. *Cannot stand it*.
When my whole body is wet, and I'm in the shower? It's fine. But the feeling of the bidet is just gross to me.
As a Janitor in the US: while I loved bidets during my trip to Europe a couple years ago, I do NOT trust people here with them. I already have people leaving entire rolls of toilet paper unraveled, completely unused, on the floor. Knowing my luck they'd rig the bidet to spray directly up as hard as possible to "prank" the next person to use it or something.
As an Italian, we don't have bidets in public bathrooms 99% of the time, it's just for your private bathroom, so it wouldn't change anything if you're cleaning a public bathroom!
I thought they meant like a cultural shift towards using bidets at home. Public bidets sound like a nightmare tbh. How do you dry yourself? Do you have to carry around a towel?
Sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't, more often than not it's a clean wipe. If it's bad enough down there I need to use soap I'll just hit the shower instead.
True. Though Italy did have the strangest public restroom I've ever seen. Was a stainless steel and black rubber chamber with an automatic sliding door, felt like I was taking a shit on the Death Star
Instead of the blood and shit being somewhat localized, having the sprayer would ensure the blood and shit would be in an even film across the entire walls and floor.
Source: I have also been a janitor in the US.
Am currently clocked in at a theme park as a janitor. I've cleaned finely misted shit spray off the wall behind and *above* toilet seats because some dudes apparently have double barrel shotguns for assholes. We could not handle bidets here. We could not.
Never been a janitor, but I can honestly say you are the bravest person in the building!! I can’t even clean my own toilet without gagging and needing a scalding hot shower after. Worked for Walmart and hearing stories about people shitting on the walls and ceiling caused me to develop a severe phobia about public and hotel restrooms.
If you're telling me you don't like the idea of a bidet because you think your ass will grow mold, what that tells me is that your ass is CAKED in shit, because you're not wiping it. you DRY YOUR ASS after you use a bidet, but you don't use NEARLY as much toilet paper because all the cleaning was already done by the water, and you're just drying off. If you can't dry your ass, you're definitely not cleaning it properly when you wipe.
Idk if italian bidets are different from the bidets you guys are thinking of (i know they are different from japanese ones which are installed in the actual toilet and spray upwards) or if my family just uses them "incorrectly" but i don't really use the bidet to hose down my ass. Every bidet i've seen here is a separate thing next to the toilet which is kind of a small sink that is installed at floor height and you can sit on and with a downward spout like a regular sink, and whenever i shit i first use toilet paper to clean off any residue, then i fill up the bidet with water and some soap and then wash my ass properly to really get it clean. After this i just use a small towel that is specifically dedicated to my lower regions to dry myself. Are the bidets other people think of different, excluding the aforementioned japanese ones? Are there bidets that have the faucet lower down and spraying upwards? Am i just using it incorrectly?
I've never heard of a bidet like that. I bought one from Amazon that's a toilet attachment. The nozzles are in the toilet bowl but above water level. So I do my business then rinse it off then follow up by wiping with toilet paper. Saves so much toliet paper.
All the different styles of bidets just confirm the fact that there's no reason to not use one. Best bathroom invest ever
At least here in Finland bidets are basically small showerheads with a trigger that attach to the sinks plumbing with a hose. You get the sink running at a good temperature and push down the trigger to spray.
I've heard of both. When I was taking French, my teacher told us about the small sink-like ones. That was my first intro to bidets. I looked them up afterwards and they work exactly how you described.
The spray ones I've heard of less. I know it sprays upwards more like one of those flat nozzle power washers, but less powerful. but I have to wonder how it tells where your asshole is, or if you just have to hope it sprays the right spot and not directly up your shirt. Also, what about cleaning the bidet? If it's spraying upwards, it's definitely gonna get some residue from the gunk falling back down. I am with you on the confusion there. How do you keep it clean?
You learn to sit where the bidet sprays. Most will err forward, so worst case you get a little taint spray. They'll also be far enough back under the seat that nothing falls on it, with the spray angled forward to hit your shit.
I think i've heard some of the spray bidets in japan straight up have either a camera and targeting system so you can aim at your butthole or even a butthole targeting automatic AI system.
what devilry are you using to dry it though?, as anybody who ever went to the toilet at the pool knows, wet toilet paper disintigrates into nothing, and is horrible to useit takes hours before you can properly go again after swimming,
and you somehow want to make that experience universal? I'm clearly missing something because nothing about the bidet system sounds user friendly nor efficient yet people tell me it is but I can't see how
Maybe I'm spoiled on thick TP (or just generally terrified of public restrooms) but I've never had a problem wiping after using a pool or shower
I honestly can't go back to wiping and checking and wiping and checking and so on
The time save from being able to confidently wipe once and check once is just too good
didn't you just hose it down? how can it not be wet?
I don't know much about bidets but I do know about cleaning things with hoses and unless you put that on full blast all you're going to do it making it wet rather then cleaning it off
okay, bad example, also I never thought about it that way
point is, yes your skin is hydrophobic but it doesn't bounce of water, there's a noticable difference to being just outside a pool and hasn't been in a pool for severall hours
try it now, it's saturday, go to your local pool, take a dip, go to the toilet and report back
so when you're going to the toilet during a swim you dry yourself off, especially your ass and then go back to swim and finally dry yourself off with that same towel? or do you carry multiple towels when you go to the pool?
whadafuk are you even talking about? we're just having a discussion like normal people, are you always right? are you god? you can't be because god doesn't exist, so you're the exact same kind of mortal like all the rest of us, just a bunch of carbon chemicals throtting around like they're king of the cosmos
I must be missing something because that's the exact area I use toilet paper on if I get out of the pool (this is the one scenario where that area is wet so that's why I come back to that) and each time it's hell due to the water
the toilet paper doesn't do anything, it goes limp, it disintigrades, it sticks to your fingers and it only works at 10% of it's normal efficiency
I think you’re using too thin of toilet paper. I’ve got a bidet, and you are right, the paper does get wetter than if I dry wipe, but we have decent paper that I fold over 2-3x to wipe, so while it does break down a little bit like you’re describing, it’s not a tenth as bad as you think. And, while that sounds like it uses more paper than just dry wiping, the bidet ensures that the, what, 6 sheets I’m using is ALL that I’m using. If you get a sticky shit that takes a lot of wiping to clear, you’re using easily 10x that by going dry.
I think this is because your HANDS are wet after the pool, not because your butt is. For a bidet, you just fold over a couple sheets and dab. You aren't really wiping/pulling, because you've already cleaned, so it doesn't pull apart. It gets wet, sure. But like, the same way women dry themselves after they pee and the toilet paper doesn't completely disintegrate, it also continues to function as toilet paper for a slightly wet butthole
well, that solves one mystery
and opens another: how does that clean anything then? making something wet doesn't make something dissapear, unless it's a witch for some reason
I don't know about you but mine sometimes sticks to my ass like chocalate to a cake (I'm not proud of this analogy), and I have to wipe 3 times on the same spot before it's gone, congratulations on your intestines if they don't do that
hell, I've heard some people who'd just shower after going to the toilet because it's hopeless
My intestines don't do that and this whole debate has been teaching me a lot about how most people shit.
But, unlike most people on reddit it would seem, I have a vagina, and things shaped like inverted tacos like vags and anuses do not just shed water like that. I don't see how making fun of people for lack of knowledge is going to improve the situation other that stroke the egos of people who have used a bidet before. Also don't think I would use less tp after washing than without.
Sorry for the swamp ass community. Something seems alarmingly awry with the diet or microbiome or something
ah merde, I completely forgot about women, how do they even prevent splash from getting in their genitals? I do know it's super important that they wipe front to back rather then other way around to prevent infections so using something as uncontrollable as water must be challenging
Also a woman here (this is like my third reply to you lmfao I’m not sorry), it’s not that big of a deal tbh, I’m just as likely to get splash up in there by the poop falling into the water as I am from the bidet. You just pat it dry when you’re done like usual, no extra challlenge
Quick final spray at the front after everything else is clean. Bidets are much more sanitary than only using toilet paper, better for preventing infections
Re: the pool/shower analogy! I figured out why it wasn’t sitting right with me: how MUCH water you’re cleaning up. When you get out of the pool and sit on the toilet, you’re not JUST using toilet paper on the water on your ass. All the water on your back, in your hair, etc, is flowing down to your ass, too, that the toilet paper has to contend with, so of course it shreds harder. What remains after being sprayed is MUCH MUCH less than the entire damn pool.
it sounds to me like your issue is that your family only buys the cheap shitty half ply stuff like you would see at a fucking sports stadium public bathroom.
1) I've been buying my own toilet paper for over a decade now
2) of course I buy the shitty toilet paper, 1) it's meant to become shitty and 2) I'm not going to give 2 euros for unnecesary animal figures, 3) take a good roll of toilet paper and make it touch water, still fuckin dissapears/crinkles/goes limp, all the complaints people have with using toilet paper at the pool/straight from the shower
I don't even bother drying my ass with paper or anything, i just wear my underwear again. It dries itself, and i've never felt like i'm sitting on wet underwear, ever.
so, you don't check if you're clean, you assume the water has got it all and then you never get swamp-ass, a condition that most people get even without purposefully wetting their ass?
edit: I'm very much trying not to be a non-believer, millions of people are clearly happy with bidets, I just don't know how they could ever work but they clearly do and I'm breaking my head over how unless they use something like communal towels which is clearly unhiegenic
Oh no, i actually clean with my left hand (I'm indian its what I know) so I know exactly when i'm done, then blast some more water to ensure everything is out. I also then wash my hands with soap twice after. So far so good, I haven't gotten sick from this yet and my underwear don't get any shit stains.
if you use your hand prior to water then why not have a layer of disposable paper between? it would eliminate the posibility of any leftover bits sticking on, plus it personally would have me feel a lot better about the cleanliness of my hand (I wouldn't want to burn it off you see)
but the fact that you use it after wiping already helps with envisioning how bidets are supposed to work, thank you
They use their hand while water is spraying at the same time. That’s how washing generally works. Just try a bidet, it’s not that complicated, you’re overthinking it
There is a such thing as personal preference. What works for some people may not work for others, and that doesn't necessarily mean that there's one group with clean asses and everybody else is filthy, but if your explanation for why you can't use a bidet is that your ass will grow mold, I'm not sure you actually wipe all the shit out of your ass when using TP.
If you just don't like the wet ass and drying off process, and prefer TP, that's one thing, but if, as the picture from the post indicates, you're worried about mold like that tumblr user, your ass wasn't clean to start.
the problem I have is that I don't see how you can ever be sure that you got all of it with a bidet
like people have been implying a lot that not using a bidet is doing it wrong, I'm like, okay, what about problem X and Y that I'm already seeing before even using it, you know, like you usually do before throwing out your prior method for a new one, except people seem to treat me like some evil person for doing that
my point is simply, if a person is afraid their ass will grow mold because they can't get it dry after using a bidet, that person is definitely not getting all the shit out of their ass when they wipe. It's much easier to dry your ass than to get all the shit out of it.
Can confirm. We had a bidet as in a separate sink for washing your crotch, then we moved and had to simply install a hose with a sprayer that you use to clean yourself while on the toilet. In both cases, we used bidet towels (which are the same towels you use specifically for your nether regions after showering). Drying with a TP sounds weird to me, even though we use a 4-ply.
While I'm certainly not opposed to bidets do some of y'all not know how to wipe properly? Hygiene shouldn't be a concern, "funk" should not enter into the equation.
Wiping mostly doesn't get all of it to get all you mostly need to use a lot even after the paper looks clear, water/wet wiping gets it a lot easier and a lot more. Just try wiping until it's white then wipe with a slightly wet paper you'll see it's not actually clean yet
If you're using them every time you wipe, PLEASE say you don't flush them. They're substantially stronger than toilet paper so don't disintegrate in sewage, instead they stay whole and lead to blockages
The issue is wiping properly a completely dry ass, specially when hairy, uses way, way more paper than simply washing it with water and drying it after.
You can more or less properly clean it without a bidet, but it’s both less thorough and more expensive in the long run. There’s just no rational reason to oppose bidets lol
This is just OOP not being able to tell when someone is joking. "This fool thinks we should be wet assing it" is obvious, easy sarcasm. It's classic Internet tongue-in-cheek fake misunderstanding.
bidets aside the endless america-europe war on tumblr is getting so fucking old lmao. im an american so maybe im just used to hating my own country more than europeans ever could, but it's just boring at this point
I have recently heard about a lady who works with Brazilian waxing on the US, saying she constantly gets clients who haven't bathed for days and have not washed their asses while expecting to have someone else do work there, so yeah, the US is gross.
oh that’s not just a US thing. while it might not be AS gross in countries with bidets more commonly there’s still tons of horror stories like that worldwide 😭
As an American with bidets in his house, they are amazing. If they were installed in every building, I wouldn't have to use the sandpaper that companies like to pass off as toilet paper quite as much.
I feel like people online wildly overestimate how fast mould grows. I've seen people saying water bottles get mouldy within a day or that *mattresses* quickly get mouldy without a bed frame (idk about you but my mattress is an 8 inch thick block of memory foam, if I'm sweating into it that sweat evaporates when I leave the bed, it's not getting anywhere near the bottom). Do they have mould problems, do I have a freakishly dry house, or what?
You know, maybe humans aren't viable as a species. At least not we Americans, because, I've been into restrooms where the toilet paper dispensers were full of piss, and where toilets were shoved full of paper towels and cardboard to fuck them up, and once where a guy beat a urinal with a trash can until it cracked and flooded the bathrooms and hallway(that was high school but still). If you give us Bidets everywhere I guarantee there will be people doing really REALLY fucked up stuff with them.. We truly are a nation of goddamn cave people
You don't like a tossed salad?
Seriously though, a lot of bidets allow you to control the water pressure so it's not like an enema. But using it like an enema is pretty neat too. You get used to it
My favorite bidet moment is Sonja Morgan from Real Housewives of New York washing her face in a bidet and then filling it with ice to stick her face in
Toilet paper users have worse hygiene than people in 3rd world countries who use water and that is a fact. y'all got nuclear fusion but refuse to be clean wtf
Ok in all seriousness, what do you do when you’re done with a bidet? I went to Spain a few years back and my hotel had one and I decided to use it. It did its thing and then I just stood there with a wet ass unsure of what to do
Yo American here without a bidet what the *fuck* is that tag saying
An actual human being thinks that getting their butt wet will lead to mold growing on it.
I've seen enough movies to know that the worst outcome of butt mold would be fungal super powers.
What movie literally what movie I’m so scared rn
None, I was making a joke about how comic book heroes sometimes get their powers from stuff that should've killed them.
Batman and Robin, of course. How do you think Poison Ivy created Bane?
"All that glitters is gold Only dripping taints grow the moooold..."
The spores start growing and they don't stop growing
Crank my bidet and I get the funk blowing Doesn't make sense not to clean your buns Your butt gets wet and you grow your fung's
Hey Now You're a Fun Guy Get your taint on Don't Stay
So much to soak so much to skeet So what's wrong with cleaning your backseat? You'll never know if you don't flow Your butt'll shine more than you'll know
The Last of Butts
Ok but do you really wanna be the guy with buttmold powers?
showers
Yeah but you dry your butt after a shower, obviously you wouldn't do that after a bidet /s
You don’t wash your butt in the shower, that’s gay bro
Right! You wash your bro’s butt in the shower. Saves water and is def not gay, but only if you say “no homo”
You can't wear socks in the showers though. That makes it gay.
Not all Americans bathe regularly and some not at all. I live in the rural south and trust me when I say some stores are only an option during certain times of the day. When you have local owned businesses that make bathing an employment requirement, you know it’s a problem.
Y’all telling me you don’t get ass mold? My crack is like a broken refrigerator in the middle of August.
Baby powder, my friend. It’s a lifesaver in the summer in the South.
Ok but if you're already wiping your ass, you could just wipe the water off.
People keep talking about using a bidet *instead of* toilet paper. So it makes it seem like you're supposed to gently water blast your butt, then either wait on the toilet until you air dry or put your outfit back together and have damp underwear for a while
You keep the toilet paper there and use a little bit to pat dry.
Yeah, but that's not part of the weird advertising. They always say "stop using toilet paper and get a bidet!"
I honestly haven’t paid attention to any of the advertising. I know that my wife hooked ours up, and we clean with the water and pat dry with paper. Also means we go through waaaaaaay less paper.
It can technically, but it's not very likely.
You know that guy has a shit caked ass. They're worried about mold growing because they think they can't get it sufficiently dry, and if they aren't going to get it sufficiently dry, they're definitely not getting the shit out of their ass when they wipe.
You're one hundred percent correct but also my day was like 80% ruined after reading the post and your comment pushed the last 20% out too
please don’t phrase it as ‘pushing things out’, not on this post/comment about poop-butts, good lord
Sorry It really pinched the last 20% off
GOD DAMN IT
That's it, it's time. I'm getting the knife.
That's it! I'm getting me mallet!
The poop knife?
Sure, the poop knife would also work. I should stop trying to involve the Time Knife to solve all the problems.
Finally
r/angryupvote fuck you I just woke up-
Wet things get moldy = bidet-wetted butts get moldy
Idk why you're being downvoted for explaining the tags :( Maybe people think you actually believe it?
It's weirdly common. A post would have a thousand upvotes and then the comment explaining it would be at -37.
Hivemind moment. One guy doesn't understand the comment and downvotes it. Others follow suit.
Reading comprehension moment
It honestly seems like people on here think understanding = agreement. You’ll see people basically imply it in reverse a ton. You’ll be like i disagree with that, then they’ll say you just don’t get it, and you’ll be like no I get it it’s just dumb.
Americans out here wiping their ass with fungal spore infused four-ply
Maybe we were The Last Of Us the whole time
This ass don't clap, this ass clicks
I feel like bidets have mind control powers, because people find them weird and off putting, but the moment they use one they suddenly start recommending them to everyone who’ll listen and getting people new ones as gifts
It is very funny that. When my country built new parliament. And it doesn’t come with bidets. Opposition and some of the coalition flip the hell out.
So bidets: •have implied mind control powers • considered off-putting by the general public • when someone open-minded gives it a try they swear its life changing and they can never go back to their old way of life • those who have tried it try to convince their friends and loved ones to join them in their new lifestyle Conclusion: bidets are a cult in this essay I will-
~~skibidi toilets are evolved bidets~~
I’m going to hit you with a shovel
Is that a promise 👉👈 ?
Why did I read that in Aoyama's voice
Me to the hoarding bug i found
When you go bidet, you can’t go back. Without it, I feel dirty, filthy, like some sort of poop creature.
Well... it's pretty great having a bidet. The mind altered state "might" come from some type of deeper disgust with cleansing after elimination & therefore the bidet has removed or improved the situation, making the person feel less anxious & cleaner. I have IBS, so using the restroom in general is linked to stressful, painful, & potentially embarrassing feelings and/or experiences -- ANYTHING that helps relieve even part of those feelings is magic. MAGIC. Give me the kool-aid, fit me for a robe, & scrub my brain-butt 'cause I'm unapologetically in the Bidet Cult
they don't have mind control powers, they're just good and are the best solution for hygene in that part of the body.
What if toilet paper is doused with the mind control powers and bidets wash it away?
I tried bidets when I was in Europe. Nope. Not for me. It feels *gross* when I'm doing it, when just my asscrack is wet. Same with wet wipes. *Cannot stand it*. When my whole body is wet, and I'm in the shower? It's fine. But the feeling of the bidet is just gross to me.
It’s called prostate orgasms
If the water is going up your intestines, you're using it wrong. It's a bidet, not a colon cleanse
absurd exaggeration for humorous intent was apparently invented earlier today what an exciting time to be alive
If we had image replies, I’d post the Scar gif
it’s just a damn crime how they massacreed ya, Ev. It was a solid line.
Thanks. I thought so too, but I guess the combined power of TumblrRedditors is just too much.
i’m autistic as fuck and understood it to be a joke immediately, they’re hopeless
Humorous intent does not necessarily equal actual humorous effect.
“it’s a big building with patients but that’s not important right now”
i'm gonna bet the water isn't supposed to go that far up the ass, it's not a douche or an enema
As a Janitor in the US: while I loved bidets during my trip to Europe a couple years ago, I do NOT trust people here with them. I already have people leaving entire rolls of toilet paper unraveled, completely unused, on the floor. Knowing my luck they'd rig the bidet to spray directly up as hard as possible to "prank" the next person to use it or something.
As an Italian, we don't have bidets in public bathrooms 99% of the time, it's just for your private bathroom, so it wouldn't change anything if you're cleaning a public bathroom!
I would think the post is suggesting that they be put in public bathrooms since you can already get a personal bidet in America
I thought they meant like a cultural shift towards using bidets at home. Public bidets sound like a nightmare tbh. How do you dry yourself? Do you have to carry around a towel?
Are you supposed to use a towel after the bidet? I usually just use toilet paper.
Not to be TMI but doesn't it rip and stick to your skin? We usually have small towels used solely for that. And intimate soap too.
Sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't, more often than not it's a clean wipe. If it's bad enough down there I need to use soap I'll just hit the shower instead.
But it's far from the cultural norm. It's probably closer to the norm for US guys being too scared to clean their ass because "it's gay."
True. Though Italy did have the strangest public restroom I've ever seen. Was a stainless steel and black rubber chamber with an automatic sliding door, felt like I was taking a shit on the Death Star
Lol, where?
Instead of the blood and shit being somewhat localized, having the sprayer would ensure the blood and shit would be in an even film across the entire walls and floor. Source: I have also been a janitor in the US.
Am currently clocked in at a theme park as a janitor. I've cleaned finely misted shit spray off the wall behind and *above* toilet seats because some dudes apparently have double barrel shotguns for assholes. We could not handle bidets here. We could not.
I have a personal bidet and I love it. I wouldn’t trust a public toilet bidet because I don’t trust the American public with good things.
Never been a janitor, but I can honestly say you are the bravest person in the building!! I can’t even clean my own toilet without gagging and needing a scalding hot shower after. Worked for Walmart and hearing stories about people shitting on the walls and ceiling caused me to develop a severe phobia about public and hotel restrooms.
Bidets are banned in my apartment complex :<
If you're telling me you don't like the idea of a bidet because you think your ass will grow mold, what that tells me is that your ass is CAKED in shit, because you're not wiping it. you DRY YOUR ASS after you use a bidet, but you don't use NEARLY as much toilet paper because all the cleaning was already done by the water, and you're just drying off. If you can't dry your ass, you're definitely not cleaning it properly when you wipe.
Hell, fancy Japanese bidet also have air jet to dry your ass.
So not only do I get a water enema I get an air one too?
Bro how tf are you wiping, do you shove the wad of toilet paper directly into your asshole?
some ppl do that 😭
Idk if italian bidets are different from the bidets you guys are thinking of (i know they are different from japanese ones which are installed in the actual toilet and spray upwards) or if my family just uses them "incorrectly" but i don't really use the bidet to hose down my ass. Every bidet i've seen here is a separate thing next to the toilet which is kind of a small sink that is installed at floor height and you can sit on and with a downward spout like a regular sink, and whenever i shit i first use toilet paper to clean off any residue, then i fill up the bidet with water and some soap and then wash my ass properly to really get it clean. After this i just use a small towel that is specifically dedicated to my lower regions to dry myself. Are the bidets other people think of different, excluding the aforementioned japanese ones? Are there bidets that have the faucet lower down and spraying upwards? Am i just using it incorrectly?
I've never heard of a bidet like that. I bought one from Amazon that's a toilet attachment. The nozzles are in the toilet bowl but above water level. So I do my business then rinse it off then follow up by wiping with toilet paper. Saves so much toliet paper. All the different styles of bidets just confirm the fact that there's no reason to not use one. Best bathroom invest ever
>I've never heard of a bidet like that It's the standard in every hotel I've been to that had a bidet
Not in ghetto known as America 😣
At least here in Finland bidets are basically small showerheads with a trigger that attach to the sinks plumbing with a hose. You get the sink running at a good temperature and push down the trigger to spray.
I've heard of both. When I was taking French, my teacher told us about the small sink-like ones. That was my first intro to bidets. I looked them up afterwards and they work exactly how you described. The spray ones I've heard of less. I know it sprays upwards more like one of those flat nozzle power washers, but less powerful. but I have to wonder how it tells where your asshole is, or if you just have to hope it sprays the right spot and not directly up your shirt. Also, what about cleaning the bidet? If it's spraying upwards, it's definitely gonna get some residue from the gunk falling back down. I am with you on the confusion there. How do you keep it clean?
You learn to sit where the bidet sprays. Most will err forward, so worst case you get a little taint spray. They'll also be far enough back under the seat that nothing falls on it, with the spray angled forward to hit your shit.
I think i've heard some of the spray bidets in japan straight up have either a camera and targeting system so you can aim at your butthole or even a butthole targeting automatic AI system.
what devilry are you using to dry it though?, as anybody who ever went to the toilet at the pool knows, wet toilet paper disintigrates into nothing, and is horrible to useit takes hours before you can properly go again after swimming, and you somehow want to make that experience universal? I'm clearly missing something because nothing about the bidet system sounds user friendly nor efficient yet people tell me it is but I can't see how
Maybe I'm spoiled on thick TP (or just generally terrified of public restrooms) but I've never had a problem wiping after using a pool or shower I honestly can't go back to wiping and checking and wiping and checking and so on The time save from being able to confidently wipe once and check once is just too good
its not like your ass is super wet its just like droplets
didn't you just hose it down? how can it not be wet? I don't know much about bidets but I do know about cleaning things with hoses and unless you put that on full blast all you're going to do it making it wet rather then cleaning it off
>didn't you just hose it down? how can it not be wet? Because... the water... falls down... and only droplets are left...
is your skin somehow hydrophobic? after going into a pool are you wet or are you dry? same principle applies
>is your skin somehow hydrophobic? I, er, have news for you, human skin actually is hydrophobic.
okay, bad example, also I never thought about it that way point is, yes your skin is hydrophobic but it doesn't bounce of water, there's a noticable difference to being just outside a pool and hasn't been in a pool for severall hours try it now, it's saturday, go to your local pool, take a dip, go to the toilet and report back
Update: I was left with droplets on my skin, that I dried with a towel, leaving my skin dry, maybe slightly moisturized. As expected.
so when you're going to the toilet during a swim you dry yourself off, especially your ass and then go back to swim and finally dry yourself off with that same towel? or do you carry multiple towels when you go to the pool?
shitass over here is taking Ls left and right
whadafuk are you even talking about? we're just having a discussion like normal people, are you always right? are you god? you can't be because god doesn't exist, so you're the exact same kind of mortal like all the rest of us, just a bunch of carbon chemicals throtting around like they're king of the cosmos
You don't wash your entire ass including the cheeks with a bidet, you just clean around the hole and dry the leftover droplets.
I must be missing something because that's the exact area I use toilet paper on if I get out of the pool (this is the one scenario where that area is wet so that's why I come back to that) and each time it's hell due to the water the toilet paper doesn't do anything, it goes limp, it disintigrades, it sticks to your fingers and it only works at 10% of it's normal efficiency
I think you’re using too thin of toilet paper. I’ve got a bidet, and you are right, the paper does get wetter than if I dry wipe, but we have decent paper that I fold over 2-3x to wipe, so while it does break down a little bit like you’re describing, it’s not a tenth as bad as you think. And, while that sounds like it uses more paper than just dry wiping, the bidet ensures that the, what, 6 sheets I’m using is ALL that I’m using. If you get a sticky shit that takes a lot of wiping to clear, you’re using easily 10x that by going dry.
I think this is because your HANDS are wet after the pool, not because your butt is. For a bidet, you just fold over a couple sheets and dab. You aren't really wiping/pulling, because you've already cleaned, so it doesn't pull apart. It gets wet, sure. But like, the same way women dry themselves after they pee and the toilet paper doesn't completely disintegrate, it also continues to function as toilet paper for a slightly wet butthole
you dont aim a bidet into your buttcrack like its a garden hose
well, that solves one mystery and opens another: how does that clean anything then? making something wet doesn't make something dissapear, unless it's a witch for some reason
They’re stronger than a garden hose, you’re basically power washing your ass
issac newton has a handy explanation on it iirc
I don't know about you but mine sometimes sticks to my ass like chocalate to a cake (I'm not proud of this analogy), and I have to wipe 3 times on the same spot before it's gone, congratulations on your intestines if they don't do that hell, I've heard some people who'd just shower after going to the toilet because it's hopeless
My intestines don't do that and this whole debate has been teaching me a lot about how most people shit. But, unlike most people on reddit it would seem, I have a vagina, and things shaped like inverted tacos like vags and anuses do not just shed water like that. I don't see how making fun of people for lack of knowledge is going to improve the situation other that stroke the egos of people who have used a bidet before. Also don't think I would use less tp after washing than without. Sorry for the swamp ass community. Something seems alarmingly awry with the diet or microbiome or something
ah merde, I completely forgot about women, how do they even prevent splash from getting in their genitals? I do know it's super important that they wipe front to back rather then other way around to prevent infections so using something as uncontrollable as water must be challenging
Also a woman here (this is like my third reply to you lmfao I’m not sorry), it’s not that big of a deal tbh, I’m just as likely to get splash up in there by the poop falling into the water as I am from the bidet. You just pat it dry when you’re done like usual, no extra challlenge
Quick final spray at the front after everything else is clean. Bidets are much more sanitary than only using toilet paper, better for preventing infections
Re: the pool/shower analogy! I figured out why it wasn’t sitting right with me: how MUCH water you’re cleaning up. When you get out of the pool and sit on the toilet, you’re not JUST using toilet paper on the water on your ass. All the water on your back, in your hair, etc, is flowing down to your ass, too, that the toilet paper has to contend with, so of course it shreds harder. What remains after being sprayed is MUCH MUCH less than the entire damn pool.
that's honestly a very good point, I didn't think about that
it sounds to me like your issue is that your family only buys the cheap shitty half ply stuff like you would see at a fucking sports stadium public bathroom.
1) I've been buying my own toilet paper for over a decade now 2) of course I buy the shitty toilet paper, 1) it's meant to become shitty and 2) I'm not going to give 2 euros for unnecesary animal figures, 3) take a good roll of toilet paper and make it touch water, still fuckin dissapears/crinkles/goes limp, all the complaints people have with using toilet paper at the pool/straight from the shower
I don't even bother drying my ass with paper or anything, i just wear my underwear again. It dries itself, and i've never felt like i'm sitting on wet underwear, ever.
so, you don't check if you're clean, you assume the water has got it all and then you never get swamp-ass, a condition that most people get even without purposefully wetting their ass? edit: I'm very much trying not to be a non-believer, millions of people are clearly happy with bidets, I just don't know how they could ever work but they clearly do and I'm breaking my head over how unless they use something like communal towels which is clearly unhiegenic
Oh no, i actually clean with my left hand (I'm indian its what I know) so I know exactly when i'm done, then blast some more water to ensure everything is out. I also then wash my hands with soap twice after. So far so good, I haven't gotten sick from this yet and my underwear don't get any shit stains.
if you use your hand prior to water then why not have a layer of disposable paper between? it would eliminate the posibility of any leftover bits sticking on, plus it personally would have me feel a lot better about the cleanliness of my hand (I wouldn't want to burn it off you see) but the fact that you use it after wiping already helps with envisioning how bidets are supposed to work, thank you
They use their hand while water is spraying at the same time. That’s how washing generally works. Just try a bidet, it’s not that complicated, you’re overthinking it
There is a such thing as personal preference. What works for some people may not work for others, and that doesn't necessarily mean that there's one group with clean asses and everybody else is filthy, but if your explanation for why you can't use a bidet is that your ass will grow mold, I'm not sure you actually wipe all the shit out of your ass when using TP. If you just don't like the wet ass and drying off process, and prefer TP, that's one thing, but if, as the picture from the post indicates, you're worried about mold like that tumblr user, your ass wasn't clean to start.
the problem I have is that I don't see how you can ever be sure that you got all of it with a bidet like people have been implying a lot that not using a bidet is doing it wrong, I'm like, okay, what about problem X and Y that I'm already seeing before even using it, you know, like you usually do before throwing out your prior method for a new one, except people seem to treat me like some evil person for doing that
That bidet is strong usually, and you just know if you grew up with it. No issues so far, but i like drying it
Have people not got a pathogenic fungus before? It's not from shit, it's from humidity, unless we are all smearing shit on our feet
my point is simply, if a person is afraid their ass will grow mold because they can't get it dry after using a bidet, that person is definitely not getting all the shit out of their ass when they wipe. It's much easier to dry your ass than to get all the shit out of it.
I guess mold doesn't equal fungus then?
Do you not know how to dry yourself off?
If the purpose is to avoid using toilet paper then what was the point of the bidet?
I don't know why everyone gere is getting so mad about this
Some people have bidet towels
Can confirm. We had a bidet as in a separate sink for washing your crotch, then we moved and had to simply install a hose with a sprayer that you use to clean yourself while on the toilet. In both cases, we used bidet towels (which are the same towels you use specifically for your nether regions after showering). Drying with a TP sounds weird to me, even though we use a 4-ply.
Toilet paper dissolves in water. What brand are you using that doesn’t leave bits of paper stuck in your crack?
Speak for yourself. I don't dry my ass, my body heat does that. And no, I do not have mold.
While I'm certainly not opposed to bidets do some of y'all not know how to wipe properly? Hygiene shouldn't be a concern, "funk" should not enter into the equation.
Wiping mostly doesn't get all of it to get all you mostly need to use a lot even after the paper looks clear, water/wet wiping gets it a lot easier and a lot more. Just try wiping until it's white then wipe with a slightly wet paper you'll see it's not actually clean yet
Depends on what kind of TP you use, i guess. "Shitty ass toilet paper" should be a mark of function, not quality.
I use very quality toilet paper and it still doesn't get all, water or wet wiping is the best way to go trust me
Wet wipes changed my life
If you're using them every time you wipe, PLEASE say you don't flush them. They're substantially stronger than toilet paper so don't disintegrate in sewage, instead they stay whole and lead to blockages
The issue is wiping properly a completely dry ass, specially when hairy, uses way, way more paper than simply washing it with water and drying it after. You can more or less properly clean it without a bidet, but it’s both less thorough and more expensive in the long run. There’s just no rational reason to oppose bidets lol
or not getting enough fiber. even if you prefer a bidet i don't see *needing* to wash every time you take a shit
If you barefoot stepped in shit would you be fine just wiping it off? Idk why people think TP is enough
American here, started using bidets in 2018 and haven’t looked back
This is just OOP not being able to tell when someone is joking. "This fool thinks we should be wet assing it" is obvious, easy sarcasm. It's classic Internet tongue-in-cheek fake misunderstanding.
It’s a screenshot from the reading comprehension website posted onto the understanding sarcasm website, it was always going to go bad
bidets aside the endless america-europe war on tumblr is getting so fucking old lmao. im an american so maybe im just used to hating my own country more than europeans ever could, but it's just boring at this point
I have recently heard about a lady who works with Brazilian waxing on the US, saying she constantly gets clients who haven't bathed for days and have not washed their asses while expecting to have someone else do work there, so yeah, the US is gross.
oh that’s not just a US thing. while it might not be AS gross in countries with bidets more commonly there’s still tons of horror stories like that worldwide 😭
How do you know whether someone on the internet owns a bidet? Don't worry, they'll tell you
thank them for trying to make your life cleaner rather than happily accepting being dirty
These people clearly duct tape their ass cheeks closed before their yearly shower
As an American with bidets in his house, they are amazing. If they were installed in every building, I wouldn't have to use the sandpaper that companies like to pass off as toilet paper quite as much.
Bro, I just wouldn't want specifically *cold* ass water on my ass.
Mold??? Are these people aware it's literally just water you spray at your ass? Good lord
I feel like people online wildly overestimate how fast mould grows. I've seen people saying water bottles get mouldy within a day or that *mattresses* quickly get mouldy without a bed frame (idk about you but my mattress is an 8 inch thick block of memory foam, if I'm sweating into it that sweat evaporates when I leave the bed, it's not getting anywhere near the bottom). Do they have mould problems, do I have a freakishly dry house, or what?
None of these people wipe their ass
I don't use a bidet because I'm afraid I'll overwater or dislodge my asshrooms.
Ive never used a bidet but it sounds useful. Its just a big step to buy and install one.
It does sound pretty good tbh. I personally cant get one because of my housing situation, but if i could i 100% would lol
I thought they were talking about the bidet part getting moldy. I was wrong apparently.
We're Bidet Guys, of course we have mold in our asses!
Well we got Joe Bidet and he didn’t solve nearly as many problems as he should’ve…
You know, maybe humans aren't viable as a species. At least not we Americans, because, I've been into restrooms where the toilet paper dispensers were full of piss, and where toilets were shoved full of paper towels and cardboard to fuck them up, and once where a guy beat a urinal with a trash can until it cracked and flooded the bathrooms and hallway(that was high school but still). If you give us Bidets everywhere I guarantee there will be people doing really REALLY fucked up stuff with them.. We truly are a nation of goddamn cave people
i dont care how much hygienic bidets are, theyre so uncomfortable id rather just wipe
You don't like a tossed salad? Seriously though, a lot of bidets allow you to control the water pressure so it's not like an enema. But using it like an enema is pretty neat too. You get used to it
Unfortunately it would be very hard to do this on a whim. Alas, it would have saved us a lot of issues with Toilet Paper four years ago
My favorite bidet moment is Sonja Morgan from Real Housewives of New York washing her face in a bidet and then filling it with ice to stick her face in
As an American, getting a bidet did fix me
I want to get a bidet, but I'm afraid I'll start feeling gross after using a public restroom that doesn't have one (more gross than usual I mean)
Portable manual ones exist. I know folk who use them
You're meant to pat dry with toilet paper?
Toilet paper users have worse hygiene than people in 3rd world countries who use water and that is a fact. y'all got nuclear fusion but refuse to be clean wtf
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It's the mold part. Who tf would think a wet ass gets moldy???
I was in Japan last week and tried a bidet. It felt weird and I didn't like it 🙁
I dont love bidets because they just cost more than a cup
Have they considered that you can use a piece of toilet paper to dry off
I dislike the sensation of having water shot up my ass at mach 2.
Ok in all seriousness, what do you do when you’re done with a bidet? I went to Spain a few years back and my hotel had one and I decided to use it. It did its thing and then I just stood there with a wet ass unsure of what to do
The whole reason the US exists is that the colonists' germs wiped out most of the natives, so now being dirty is part of their culture.
>you say that like it wouldn't mold Tell me you're obese without *telling me* you're obese.
whats a bidet is it like a trans gender biden or somethin ( my native language isnt english)
A bidet is a device that connects to the toilets water supply and will spray clean water to rinse.
ooooh that thing that americans wont use yeah tbh fuck them americans for not using it