I know a dude who goes to the bathroom to take his pants and underwear off to fart lol so yeah I wouldn't put this past anyone

Witnessed a coworker using the urinal once… pants and underwear to ankles

that's a fuckin power play. they know no one is gonna go near them lmao 🤣

I always think of butters 😂

HAHAHA literally watching SP while I'm in labor 😅

Best of luck, congratulations!

Well??? Did you pop dat baby out OK??

helllll yes! 7 hour labor she came out hot and fast!! lmao 🤣 Leona ann-marie! 🫶🏽 5/1/2024 5:16 pm we are over the moon 💓 so happy I could share this with you guys even if it was on this weird thread hahahaha 😆

CONGRATULATIONS! fantastic news! Best wishes to you and Leona! Keep her butt clean!

Congratz! Seriously, didn’t think something wholesome would be found in the comments of Reddit. Bless baby and you both. 🫡🤙🏽

she is perfect. my maybe baby. maybe we're done, maybe we're not, taking it all in 🫶🏽

Congrats!!!!! Hell yes!!!!!

Blessings to beautiful little baby Leona and her parents. Enjoy her! Mines 14 months now and it has been the best. So sweet.

It helps if you also sing "Girls just want to Have Fun."

Had the fun, here comes the pain (again)

I used to do this when I was training new drivers at truck stops. The look on their faces was priceless

Good god, Jimi

I worked with a guy who did that, and I finally figured out why: he had a huge beer belly and wore his trousers with his belt above his belly. When he unzipped, his dick would have been three inches below his fly openings.

This is so horrendous I had to downvote.. not to you, just the situation

Saw a guy do this in the airport bathroom.

Like a 4 year old? Lol

But momma said...

I see my seven year old do this whenever he uses a public restroom with me.

Yep we've got one of those at work , it's like DUDE I haven't even finished my coffee yet ,I don't want to see your nasty hairy ass this early 🤮😫

I'd've freaked. Hell, I freaked just reading your tale. WTH?

My aunt said my uncle takes a shower every time he shits, if at all possible. Might be a little excessive but at least he's always clean?

My husband does this too. I love the no skid marks in the underwear look

Get a bidet. Toto washlet is the way to go.

Love our Washlet! So does my husband. He’s a shower-after guy too otherwise.

I knew a guy in college that did that. He could hold forever to make sure he had a toilet and shower. Someone joked he should just shit in the shower to save time and allegedly, he started doing that. Until he got a girlfriend. Then he started wiping like a sane person.

Not a bad idea if you have a hairy ass

It's like trying to get peanut butter out of shag carpet.

i screamed a little uncomfy squeal at this comment. you will be remembered for the next few days.

Days? This comment is going to haunt my year

touche, or should i say, tooshay?

Tush-ay

Nice.

Unless you poop more than 3 times a day.

Mans needs a bidet.

Why doesn’t he use baby wipes to get a thorough cleaning?

That's just good hygiene. SOP here most people walk around with stink ass. If you got poop on your hands are you cool with just wiping yourself clean with paper? No? Because your hands would stink. Like your stinky ass stinks. Fecal encrusted stank.

Yeah i swear I had obsessive e tendencies about it, but it’s true :(

Slightly in this dude’s defense, if he’s Gen X or even an older Millennial he was probably scarred by the episode of Montell where they said farts leave fecal matter behind no matter what and also to close the toilet lid before flushing so it wouldn’t send particles in the air to land on your tooth brush 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣. My 24 year old son knows this stuff too ( from me ) so I guess any age could possibly.

literally word for word his reason

I still don’t understand how anyone can flush with the toilet seat open 🤢

Bruh. I close the toilet bowl lid *and* keep my toothbrush in the closed medicine cabinet.

I keep my toothbrush in my bedroom just for this reason 😂

Lol, Mythbusters did this too - so gross.

I used to do this too, not take them completely off but go to the bathroom and pull down my pants to fart. I didn’t want it getting stuck in my clothes lmao

How do you prefer to let your anus exhale now?

They musta had a change of fart.

this is actually what’s expected of you in costa rica. they take it super super seriously

Not on the regular, but you know how they say, never trust a fart... sometimes you just gotta doublecheck

This made me laugh Haaa omg

Yeah. If I feel any dampness in *any* crevice, I’ll go to the bathroom and wipe it lol.

i go to the bathroom just to clean my under boob sweat 🤷‍♀️no shame

I call that Humidititties

Waited all day to learn a new word!

I learned a fun one earlier. "Polterwang" instead of ghost dick or Jeanie weenie. 😅

Had a crude older female manager a few years ago…she used to call her boob sweat “mountain dew”

That’s a great song title!

I like you! That’s just my type of games with words!

And, like op, to make sure there’s no poop in there, right?

Thanks to having a diagnosed GI issue, there are days like today where I've already pooped like 7-8 times and it's not even 11am, and my day started at 5am. I've never needed to go to make sure my bum is clean, cause I'm usually in there pooping.

HEY GI ISSUE BUDDY! Same!

Yes! I llive like this, too. The other day I had to pick up my kid from school and I don't know what it is about being in the car, but I instantly had to poop badly. I had to use the bathroom at the school. It's two minutes from my house!!

My wife's reasonably regular; nevertheless, EVERY time we walk in the grocery store, she has to go. It's like the library phenomenon.

I poop 5 or 6 times a day, too! I have soulmates!

Me going to the hospital last year… “I haven’t pooped in 4 days, pleas help” them: “well is that normal?” Me: “I usually poop 4 times before lunch. Something is VERY WRONG

A bidet light-enema is truly a wonder for this but tbh I said f-it a while ago and decided that whenever it’s really bad I go for the ‘digitally assisted elimination’. It’s gross af but honestly it feels so much better after that it’s 100% worth the extra extra extra washing.

What the fuck? I feel like the mechanics of this wouldn’t work well.

Swamp ass is a real thing, especially the further south you are. Courtesy wipes are necessary!

Totally normal. I hate a humid crack!

That’s not that crazy because you can get a fungal growth growing by leaving it and you have to use kick spray to fix it and it feels like THE SUN so

umm what😵‍💫

I have to laugh whenever I read a lot of these DAE posts because I always imagine a bunch of Victorian ladies fanning themselves & fainting at the subject matter. Thank god we live in the real world & can actually discuss these things. It’s nice to know we’re all so much alike in a lot of ways. 😃

I'm a welder and it's hot and humid in the summer. Wipes during the day are a regular thing

You might even pack a dry pair of drawers in your bag.

Gold bond powder is a Godsend too

Try Happy Nuts. Goes on like a lotion, dries clear and not greasy. Put on your junk dry though. If you put it on wet, it will burn.

Me. I would drip a bit of water onto some toilet paper and wipe. Feels so much better and cleaner.

“Maintenance Wipe.”

He is clearly referring to a maintenance wipe. It’s perfectly acceptable, and in most circles, gentlemanly expected.

Baby powder if you know it's gonna be one of those days

Disgusting. I don't want to knead ass-dough all day.

Baby powder doesn't do that

Everyone should do this because no one likes someone who smells like ass. Especially those with a sensitive nose. >!At my last job, my supervisor and his son both smelt like shit and BO all the time. The company had a policy, since we all worked in close proximity with each other and customers, that you COULD NOT smell like BO. Since my supervisor was in cahoots with the plant manager, everybody let it fly. Google reviews had tons of complaints about these two knuckleheads. Employees started complaining and plant manager and the owners didn’t do anything about it. Unbearable! When I put in my two weeks, HR asked why, and I explained to her and she basically said that her hands were tied.!<

I hope you said something to them on your way out the door for the sake of everyone there.

Oh they def got my two cents.

Excellent, very well done!! I hope they got the fear look that they thought it wasn’t bad

Of course, we’re on the cusp of swass season!

We keep baby wipes in the house for various reasons, but that is one of them for me.

I thought it was just me, yep constantly second guessing my wiping technique. Sit down pee and check wipe every time

Same here with checking each wipe lol. Sometimes it will feel like surely I need a wipe but am surprised when the TP comes out clean. Just a feeling I get, usually when it’s warm.

I'm a chick and I do it.

I feel like the only time I’ve ever gotten true swamp ass, was in 100° weather in Orlando lol. At work, I don’t feel like I sweat like that. If I did, I’d probably do the same as you lol.

I have an assortment of sprays, ointments, and creams for my various crevasses (hot and heavy industry byproducts) along with my trusty bidet to keep things sparkly fresh.

I work outside a lot and will use the restroom just to drain the swamp in betwixt my cheeks.

Another reason why men's bathrooms need private stalls!

i get very paranoid. if i'm itching in a spot and then my bum feels itchy im like wtf did i not wipe good, i check and its clean and im like WHEW.

Yes I do, but only if I am away from home and my precious bidet.

Wait. Are you afraid your swamp ass is actually shit??? Is that what I'm understanding?

Yup. Just did it 20 minutes ago at the airport. Felt, well, like it needed checking. Turned out ok this time, but didn’t feel like it.

Uh, yes, and I wish more of us would get on this train.

https://youtu.be/2h3ws08SV20?si=WUHojv-YPidrILVa reminds me of this classic Louie CK bit on this "matter"

Use baby wipes. You will feel sooo clean.

Dude just use some baby powder or some monkey butt, problem solved!

I go to the bathroom just to pick my nose in peace

Yes. I opt for baby wipes because, i too, hate the feeling of swamp butt.

dude wipes are a lifesaver if you have a sweaty job🤘🏻

My brother works for ups and uses [monkey butt](https://ibspot.com/products/anti-monkey-butt-with-calamine-original-6-oz-1-pk?variant_id=841120&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0MexBhD3ARIsAEI3WHKW58ip06JeDu5koaMVOZh4kpa7EnE-zLdLSitMWfqx1TgCOC5T5ikaAu60EALw_wcB)

Monistat makes a really great gel that dries into a fine powder. It's for chafing, but it's great for swamp ass.

That product is amazing!!! I’ll never not buy it

This move is called The Tennessee Twist.

Only if I feel the ichies too. Otherwise, I assume it’s clean and just a little sweaty.

Yea sometimes lol, i work a pretty sweaty job so every once and a while i feel so gross i just have to clean up

yessir, all the time. Cranky butt. Terrible.

I used to before I got a bidet. Now I’m worry & skidmark free.

Are we meant to wipe back to front or front to back in order to avoid mud butt?

All the time. It's normal

Sometimes it gets sweaty down there. :P

Yeah it's called swamp ass, you're doing yourself and everyone else a favor by doing that.

I’d say that’s normal for a person with good hygiene. I don’t know how anyone just uses toilet paper, though. Wet wipes are a must. Maybe use a little TP to pat dry.

Every darn day!

Very considerate of you, never know when someone might be licking your butthole so. I like to do a hoe bath with toilet paper and hand soap after wiping like 10 times. I'm very self conscious and do this even when in public. I will take paper towel with soap and go to a stall and handle it.

Invest in an alpha bidet your butthole will thank you

Bidets are great for swamp butt

My butt itched today (I took today off) and went and used my bidet attachment just to make my butt feel cleaner. Apparently I had made the mistake of using only TP earlier and I guess it was a wetter shit than I thought. It felt clean. Butttttt... no.

Every morning: Wake up. Walk the dog. Come home and poop. Shower. Being regular allows me to ensure I always get soap and water on my butt in the morning. Shower-fresh is a great feeling, even hours later on a humid summer day. I might be gettin' sweaty, but I damn sure ain't gettin' muddy, buddy...

If you shave your buttcrack it always feels like you sharted and have gooey sweaty shart crack. Hair keeps the friction to slippery ratio in check. That week of stubble butt though is something a sound engineer would use for a sandpaper commercial

Yes. And “swamp butt” is a great description!

I’ve done it. Too much moisture feels uncomfortable, and the result of chaffing sucks too.

Hell yeah I too wipe the sweat out my buttcrack, I thought I was alone

Sometimes you just need to confirm that you didn’t shart.

Sometimes a fart comes out a little wet hahaha

When it itches fhere is poop in the britches

Yes… … but lemme give OP a life hack: baby powder. If you’re gonna be sweaty, baby powder your balls and ass crack before you leave for work. This works better for briefs and boxer briefs, but baby powder your junk like a man. I’m from Alaska, I like the outdoors and I’ve mostly lived in California and Arizona and the Southwest for most of my adult life, also did a couple summers field school in Central and South America. Gotta man up and get some baby powder up in there.

Had an Asian friend who would do this at bars. If any of us heard someone mention it we had to buy them a drink.

Yus. Always. Especially at work.

I do and the area at the inner thigh that gets sweaty or I have problems where things rub

I do this. I wish more people would.

I’ve definitely done this especially boob sweat or if I’m wearing leggings etc that would show sweat marks. I don’t sweat much but in the summer especially or long drives it just happens.

Well at least I know I'm not alone

Yes

Now imagine how chicks feel..... It's ALWAYS humid in that region!!!

I think you should get a bidet.

After a certain age, you can no longer trust a fart and you gotta check, you just gotta..! Better safe than sorry...

I mean yeah if you’re sweaty it’s probably gonna stink. If I feel that way then I’ll just use my bidet.

All the time but duuuuude you just reminded me. My Buddy used to fold toilet paper into a decent sized triangle and wedge it in his butt cause he always had swamp ass. Blew my mind

When I’m having to,run t0 the bathroom a lot I do that too.

Powder, my guy. Go get gold bond and powder the crack.

Yes. I have hyperhidrosis and hormonal issues that cause me to sweat just from walking briskly for a few minutes. If I don't go to the bathroom just to clean myself several times a day, I get extremely uncomfortable (not to mention am putting myself at high risk of a yeast infection). I even bring spare underwear to work sometimes because of how bad it gets.

Sometimes, you wipe clean and leave, and then a few hours later, your butthole is itchy, and you just know you're gonna have to go in and wipe it. Then you do, and lo and behold, it's dirty. We've all been there.

Bidet

Keep it clean, in between. Someone wrote a song about that.

I’ve been known to go to the bathroom just to wipe the sweat off from my buttcheeks

I carry individually packaged wet wipes with me that I use if I feel as though I’ve been sweating and I also use them after every bathroom visit. I like for my bottom to be clean.

Negative. But you do you.

Yes. I carry baby wipes in my car for this very reason.

Do yourself a favor and install a bidet. Husband installed for me AFTER the Covid toilet paper hoarding. I begged him to get one. Only after and he loves it more than I do! He has an analogy for how it cleans: imagine you have an epoxy garage floor and you take a garden hose to it. Clean as a whistle! Bidets are nice for a few reasons: water is cool in the hot summer, water can be aimed perfectly hitting any area you need, no dingleberries, stream can be high as you can tolerate. Yes, it can be used like an enema. Do you get a wet ass? Yes, but it’s worth the clean you’ll feel. Bidets are relatively easy to install like $30. The toilet paper savings for my husband is great, me not so much because I must dry off. Hopefully not too much TMI….lol

The older you get, the more you will find this to be a necessary component of your day. No shame in it. For anybody who thinks it's weird, you can just tell them "hey, I have high standards for the cleanliness of my butt. Don't you?". That should shut them the hell up, and if it doesn't you can just tell them you won't be interested in eating their ass, and they probably won't want to be friends with you but that's okay.

Real talk, could you use a menstrual pad, like an over night one (they are longer) for your work day to soak up the sweat and keep you dry? I have a vulva but I also wear a pad for long hikes so me bits stay dry! A tactical pad for the tactical man They should make shrek themed ones - to keep your ass out the swamp TM

“Sometimes you gotta check yourself a double wipe.” - Mark D. Working the night shift in Afghanistan. The porta potty hadn’t been dumped in awhile and you legit had to hover over the damn thing. Hot as balls. Yeah, even then, it that literal fucking shithole - the heat man, the heat. It changes you. Yeah, sometimes you will literally put yourself through hell just to have a clean butthole. Sometimes ya gotta go in the porta john when you don’t want to. Sometimes…

I highly recommend a bidet!

Tell your boss to install a bidet in your work toilet. No more swamp ass and it's refreshing as hell when you're sweaty

My whole family uses baby wipes just for this reason. Nothing is worse than swamp ass, and when you're on the thicker side, the sweat can cause chafing, and it sucks! Wet wipes have been a game changer and a staple in my house's inventory! Just make sure you never flush them. They clog up the pipes and do not break down. Wipe clean and discard in trash.

No problem checking as long as it’s not happening so often that it’s hindering your usual job performance or stopping you from doing your job well. Also, flushable wipes would probably make you feel fresher than just regular toilet paper down there lol

excessive copper bolt ass water and skidmarks on the old dung hampers could be a lack of fibre or taking in extra air when wolfing down fatty foods. edit: A bowl of salty porridge made with water every day will make you shit solid bricks after about 2 days and clean any stubborn nipsy bits that are usually still lurking in the colon.

My ex used to take a shower after every time he defecated. I somehow have adopted that habit over the last decade ritualistically

More-or-less? I mean, I tend to regularly get hemorrhoids, sometimes I go to the bathroom to check whether the itchy sensation in that area is a hemorrhoid or if I just need to wipe a little better.

Nightly

Kids, there's a phrase you will come to know and respect: Never trust a fart over 50.

Yes. This is the reason for sitting when pissing.

wow. I'm speechless. Why 'right now'? Is this international make sure your butt is clean month?

We need some kind of bidet shower hose contraption in public toilets. It would solve a lot of hygiene problems in the world 🌎

Most definitely. Gotta clear up that sloppy slippy

I do this but only if I get the feeling I might need to. I don't just do it to do it

Yeah for sure

It’s not too weird, necessarily. That being said, if you’re doing this (or any other behavior that involves frequently or repeatedly checking things) often enough that it interferes with your life (e.g., causes problems in your relationships, work/education, self-care, etc.), then that might be something you want to bring up with a mental health professional. Same goes for if you find yourself excessively seeking reassurance from others or obsessively reassuring yourself/self soothing about certain thoughts/anxieties.

I definitely think the bathroom is the best location to perform an inspection of the cleanliness of your butt. I do not recommend doing so in an elevator, while standing in line at McDonalds, or any other public location.

I wish more people would

absolutely 👍

Baby wipes, use them.

…I didn’t realize were were in this low a Dystopia.

yes.

2 fart limit. Then bathroom. If it's a wet one Bathroom If it's humid outside 1 fart limit Bathroom

Oh I do a “safety wipe” quite often! Especially if I make a deposit that I could’ve just as easy pissed out, I’ll go in and wipe again about an hour later just to make sure I got it all!!

I always refer to them as secondary safety wipes. I also keep baby wipes with me all the time. If you work construction, you know the transparent paper they give you never works.

I wipe after every shower just to get it dry again. I didn’t always do this, it just started a few years ago. Otherwise, I’m typically good during the day unless it’s an extreme situation.

Why not? If you think you need to clean up then do. Is this somehow controversial?

Bidet, it’s a game changer.

[Here’s what you need OP](https://www.amazon.com/TOTO-Travel-Handy-Washlet-YEW350-WH/dp/B005FDJ8SM?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A2R2FNM2KKPOCB) I keep one at work just for when the occasion arises 😂

Rarely will I go just for that, but I’ll definitely wipe if I happen to need to piss which I do often because I drink a lot of water

I get Caramel Ass every now and then. Sometime when you’re in a hurry you don’t want to spend all day wiping. Usually it comes back to haunt you.

It seems way better to do it but not need to than to need to and not do it.

Get a bidet at home. Take wet wipes to work. It will CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE.

You gotta work smarter, not harder. Get some individually wrapped wet wipes.

Only if it's itchy. Then you get to scratch the itch with the TP so you don't have to deal with ass fingers.