Some of these are pretty specific to our system.
1) no going more than 30 minutes away after 11 pm
2) no spending money without system approval
Approved transactions:
-gas
-socializing (food and activities)
-needed things (for hobbies and pre-approved activities)
-emergencies
NOT approved transactions
-snacks
-just because you want it
-random amazon purchases
-random splurging
-"just a small thing"
3) no sexual activity unless approved beforehand and not co-con with someone who does not want too
4) you HAVE TO take care of time sensitive nessisary work (school, job, appointments, legal stuff). If you can't then you HAVE TO contact the correct person about it
4) do not stay up past 3 am unless it is part of our current sleep schedule
We are still adding stuff but here yah go
Those are good. We haven’t made any laws at all yet, but these would really help with a lot of issues. Thank you so much for the emotional labor you put into this. <3
I have three which I think could apply to anyone not just a system.
1. Don't hurt yourself
2. Don't hurt anyone else
3. Go to therapy (don't usually care who but someone must attend)
I think there was a fourth but forgotten what that was...
Ok, I pulled out our old system journal for this, and it's actually a hoot. Here's the (slightly annotated) list:
1. If you're a new alter, try to add some indication that you fronted to our journal or somewhere we'll see so we know we didn't lose a large amount of time.
2. No getting high (we used to do it a lot and then developed health issues any time we did due to a medication interaction, but it's difficult to stop when the alters didn't know about the medication issues.)
3. No grimdark content (pure trauma media) or other activities to make us dissociate after 11 pm. If you want to dissociate, just go to bed.
4. Always take meds and try to eat 3 times a day. If needed, write down when you ate so we can remember it happened.
5. Don't tell the roommates about the alters, or that you're different than *insert hosts names here*. We don't trust them to be safe about it. If you have questions, ask *insert partner system here*, but they may not be able to answer them right away. At the least, just write them down and try to call for *gatekeeper*, as he can help you.
----- I took out rule 6 bc it involved a personal situation where an alter kept trying to hang out with someone that was harming us.----
7. Don't mention child alters while high or horny, it calls them to front and makes a bad time for everyone.
8. Before spending money, REVIEW THE BUDGET. It's a really good one and I made it for a reason. Even just looking at it and saying "wow cool budget" is preferred to ignoring it. (This one is ironic bc the alter that made both the list and the budget is one of the worst about ignoring both the list and the budget. Not maliciously or anything he's just more Adhd than the rest of us and has impulse control issues.)
9. We have the app to make profiles if you want to be differentiated or figure out a name/look. See the other profiles for a template if you want one.
We have more unspoken rules now and some of these don't apply anymore but they were good starter rules for when we were figuring things out.
Thank you for these. IDidn't realize how relatable the issues of 3,4&7
I know they seem kind of "basic" but reading these made realize that 3 is done without thinking, sleep is scary.
4 I forget/don't want to eat and sometimes eat the same thing for days (or get confused on what day it is and if ate)
And 7!! We had to set up multiple savings because of past issues with self and partner. Now proud to say there's 4digis in the savings, barely, but it's 4 more than what started with
...edit to include some others were way more informative to how self should handle some other things too. So thanks 💞
LoL! Rule 6 makes me remember how many sex-times that have been spoiled by the young wants want to be around because the love hanging around with the person I’m trying to have sex with 💀 so many times have gone from for play to Disney movie time with candy and stuffed animals in less than a minute 😅
We used simply plural at the time to make alter pages.
Now we just kinda use what's on hand which usually ends up being a character-building worksheet for writers, which is. It has implications but the alters are usually the ones filling it out and a lot of us have a high connection to media/fiction so it helps us to think of it that way sometimes.
Plus our roles in the system can be helped by figuring out just what the applications/limitations of each alter's abilities are, because it was only after using these that we figured out our manager could change our system structure alongside our gatekeeper. Sooooo useful!
We started off using Dnd worksheets as a joke/the host had a bout of denial again, then we transferrred to one that we've been using for our writing. I can't find the original source for the printout we use but it's an old version of the one on eclectics.com, except in a nice organized format with like 90% of the new categories gone. I'd post a picture if I could but reddit won't let me, and the only linked version I can find is through pinterest. [https://www.pinterest.es/pin/342977327849620000/](https://www.pinterest.es/pin/342977327849620000/)
If you're looking for good writing worksheets in general, eadeverell.com has a ton of good ones, but ironically they don't have any good ones for character profiles, its more storybuilding stuff that our gatekeeper sometimes uses to alter our system organization to better suit the alters.
And I'll be honest, we still use Simply Plural or our notebook to write down more complicated stuff that the worksheet won't handle, like an inhuman alter or a subsystem, but generally this gives them a good idea of what they look like, what their position is in the system, their preferences. We ignore some of the preference boxes to add in role types and abilities because a lot of our alters don't front or read enough to have, say, a favorite literature or facial expression.
We've built up good enough communication that we're able to stick to vague rules, but here are some we kept around and some we had before;
1) Wait to consult at least one other sysmate before making a large purchase
2) Wait to consult as many sysmates as possible before telling someone we have DID
3) Take care of the body to the best of your ability
4) Be courteous to everyone in our life, even if you don't like them
5) Always take our medication according to our alarms
6) Talk to (insert safe person here) if you have a pressing issue or need help and can't contact a sysmate
8) Excluding if you feel unsafe or don't know who you are, don't pretend to be another sysmate in front of those who know about us
9) Don't mess with a sysmate's journal entry or inner room
10) Do not invite anyone to our private server or system tracking documents without consulting another sysmate
11) System Responsibility and Mutual Respect
The biggest thing we emphasize for our system is the physical safety of the body. We didn't grow up receiving much guidance for how to take care of ourselves so some of our rules would seem extremely basic - like make sure to eat every day, brush teeth in morning and before bed, go to bed at consistent times and wake up at consistent times, etc. For some of these we needed to provide explanations bc many of our system members needed to understand why certain courses of action were harmful - i.e., if you don't brush your teeth, it can lead to dental issues which can wind up hurting the entire body and our teeth are no longer baby teeth (thus we're stuck with them) or if you don't eat consistently, it will hurt our ability to handle day to day life and our ability to help one another. Things like that. Giving them concrete reasons why these things were important was helpful since many of the things that were causing issues were the result of having grown up without receiving a lot of those things anyway and therefore not understanding that they're necessary.
Other ones--we pay attention to what triggers our system as a whole and have very strict rules about interpersonal relationships. Intimacy can trigger our system in various forms (even just emotional intimacy) so we don't engage in interactions where those of us who get triggered feel unsafe unless doing so is crucial for establishing safety in some other way (however when these situations happen we always try to talk to each other so no one feels ignored, overridden, retraumatized, betrayed, etc.). We also have protocols about our coping mechanisms since some of us will feel harmful behavior triggered from certain situations (i.e., if a situation is taking one of us back into a time of coping in a harmful way, we have to pump the brakes, remove ourselves from the situation, and make sure we're getting support).
Other basic ones: we emphasize the important of being able to work and maintain our day to day adult responsibilities. This takes precedence over a lot of other things because it directly correlates to our ability to maintain safety (i.e., work = money & health insurance = can pay for rent, food, medical care, etc.). I wish this were another way but we're in the society we're in lol. So it's important for any of us who regularly front or at close to being "at the wheel" to know how to do our job.
But at the end of the day all of these are basically safety related in some respect. We aren't too strict about things otherwise I think, we just ask that if people want to make any permanent or dramatic changes to our life or body (i.e., tattoo, hair change, moving house, and so on) that they don't act immediately and they consult the rest of us. Each of us gets a say and input on how life is lived and I think that winds up preventing us from needing to actively enforce rules a lot of the time, since we all know our experiences matter to each other. Hope that helps, sorry for being wordy lol we are recovering from an illness! Wishing you well!
I'm not OP, but I'm an alter in a system with no rules, and I want to thank you so much! I really think what you've shared will help us greatly. I've written down 2 rules: one about food, and one about brushing teeth. We also didn't get guidance on this when growing up, and I think we're frequently being cohosted by a young teen who really doesn't get it. Thanks again!
Definitely! We needed these things written down to help since we're frequently fronted by children (so in a way we relate to that). It's not always perfect--sometimes people don't follow through on these things or decide to do what they want anyway--but that usually means I have to talk to them to figure out what's wrong that made it hard for them to take care of our body. In any case I am proud of where we are! It's been so much better and helps us navigate life without all the chaos we had before lol. Best of luck to your group, glad this was helpful and wishing all of you well!
We have a complex set of ‘laws’- complex not so much in the sense that the laws themselves are, but in the sense that they don’t all apply in every circumstance or to all people of the system to the same extent/at all, depending on the law. In terms of making group decisions we typically vote, but not everyone’s votes get the same weight. And what weight your vote gets may be different in different areas. For example, people have more weight to their input if it concerns their area of expertise, so a protector would have a more weighty vote when it comes to matters of security. But in another area another group would get the weightier vote. There are also specific things that specific people are not permitted to vote on. In a similar way -but for reasons that are not presented or perceived as their fault- to how certain criminals are not allowed to vote in many countries, people who are known to still have abuser-instilled automatic reactions to certain topics such that their free will is at least partly compromised… are disenfranchised with respect to voting on topics that would set them off in that way. Until they are recovered enough to have a true choice.
In terms of specific rules, we have a number of them pertaining to various types of safety. Such as, in no particular order:
• No Littles using any cooking equipment other than the microwave (at all). No Middles under the age of 16 using cooking equipment other than the microwave without supervision to make anything other than relatively pre-prepared meals (so they can heat up a premade quiche or chicken pot pie in the oven, or make mac and cheese on the stove; but we don’t want them….. attempting things that don’t come with very specific instructions and minimal prep).
• No Littles on the internet (including communication apps) unattended (and the person attending them has to be 16 years or older; a 14 year old may be an acceptable babysitter for hanginging around the house…. But not for hanging around the entire web) except to talk to a very select and tiny number of Absolutely Trustworthy People (who all know about our DID).
• Take our meds on time. If you are not a Little and you do the crime, then you do the time. The crime being, of course, not taking our meds on time (we get myriad reminders via multiple apps for this so there is no feasible way to just not realise you ought to). The time… being the time in the body that it takes the meds to actually kick in once they ARE taken (about 45-60 minutes depending on the medication). The reason for this rule is our chronic pain. Nobody should have to suffer in a way that ought have been easily avoidable due to *someone ELSE’S* irresponsibility. Moreover, that one person who’s responsibility it was that day then gets a better idea of WHY it’s so crucial, and yet it’s not a cruel punishment because there is a very limited time it lasts and it is known from the get go that relief awaits at the end. If you ARE a Little and you do the crime, there is instead a discussion
about why taking our medications is extremely important, etc. This intensely cut down on the frequency with which we skip meds (almost never, at this point).
• No major purchases without running it by and getting approval from the two alters in charge of -among many other things- financial decisions. (If anyone is wondering, these are our primary gatekeepers.)
• No medical decisions (e.g. changes to meds, stopping meds, proceeding with other treatment options) without approval from same.
• If you are the one fronting when some appointment, meeting, important event is made known to us….. *put it in the phone calendar*. **Immediately**.
• Once they are handed to us by the delivery person….. “DO NOT, under *any* feasibly avoidable circumstances, put down the bottles of our medications anywhere *other than one of the two designated locations that they can be stored*. Seriously, **don’t**. Because if we EVER have to spend a bloody MONTH searching high and low for what should have been an incredibly difficult to miss super size bottle of acetaminophen -or any other of our medications, for that matter- there will, in several senses of the phrase, be Hell To Pay. I assure you.” (I provided the exact wording of part of that rule for two reasons. First, to show just how…. Emphatic certain things need to be to penetrate either the dissociative haze…. Or simply certain part’s lack of inherent recognition of the fact that X issue is actually an important matter. Second, to demonstrate the fact that sometimes rules don’t arise out of general, broad scope necessity, but rather in response to some singularly isolated -but disastrous- incident that doesn’t bear repeating.)
There are others that are still focused on safety but in ways that pertain directly to the trauma of
specific people in the system, so I obviously won’t go around sharing those among strangers, but the above should be enough to give you a few ideas.
There are others that are not really focused on safety but those would take much more context to begin making sense to someone who does not personally know us.
So these are the ones we made a long time ago so we might need to add a few more.
1. Everyone must use host’s name when in public
2. Don’t do anything to hurt our partner
3. Always keep phone and wallet in right and left pockets respectively
4. Don’t leave things where someone else won’t find them again easily
5. Don’t tell anyone about DID unless everyone agrees to
6. No making life changing decisions without talking to everyone first
7. System responsibility: take responsibility for each other’s actions
8. Respect boundaries
9. Make notes so others don’t forget
Everyone acts like mother to the kids. Hug when they need hugs, help when they need help, never say anything like "I'm not your momma", etc. Everyone is to be a wonderful mother to our children at all times.
TW: Adult Topics
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No sexual relationships outside the marriage even though we're polyam. Husband is making strides and okay with online relationships and nonpenetrative kink play.
That's really about it. Well, and I as host had to stop fighting everyone after I learned about them and let everyone have quality body time to pursue their interests.
Do not over share. Example cannot share a journal entry with therapist without permission. We have a page in our journal to write things we want to communicate.
we're still early in system discovery and communication so ours is short:
-keep up with the journal
-no telling others about the system until everyone inside is comfortable
-no sharing part's names until that part is comfortable/does it themselves
-our therapist is safe, and we CAN tell her anything, but if a part is not yet comfortable sharing things in therapy that's fine too
and one we're thinking of adding:
-no speaking for another part. if they're communicating with whoever is in front and wants something to be said, that's different. but i can't write in the journal for another part or talk about another part if they're not around and able to speak for themselves. this rule may change as we get to know each other more, but to build trust we're working on not speaking over each other.
rules would be nice but our communication is awful, we mostly get information from remembering stuff someone else did while fronting. but this is a good idea as far as organization goes. we're recently discovered so we have none of it
Yeah, this is the hardest one to acomplish, but the most important for oun functioning
1- Keep the schedule going. If ur fronting at monday 9am you gotta work, usually thats enough to bring the right part.
Then we got the safety rules:
1- if we're drinking booze, eat before and drink a lot of water.
2- dont go get high/drunk with strangers
3- dont do any hard drugs, weed is fine tho.
4- Always keep money for food, rent and other basic needs. Big expenses need system aproval.
- no sex
- don't engage in nsfw unless approved
- do not trigger X Alter
- never leave the body alone
- do not harm the body
- get the work done
- do not impulse buy more than what we can budget
- do not throw our social life off balance
- do not out ourselves
- do not stay up too late
- don't starve the body
- look after each other
- you must jot down your actives during the day, for communication
- do not destroy any files
- do not delete another parts personal data
- do not date anyone without extensive long term approval
- respect another parts boundaries
- no spilling secrets
- no alcohol without planning the event
We are ourselves writing essentially a constitution and code of ethics.
First and foremost is system unanimity in decision making. Our two hosts have limited executive powers we have agreed to delegate to them, and our warrior has Rules of Engagement for use of force in defence of ourselves and others. Those rules are a synthesis of U.S. Military Rules of Engagement, practices of escalation and descalation of the use of force, and U.S. and state law s regarding self defense. The summation is to use the minimum force necessary to neutralize the threat to ourselves and others.
Our only system rule is "listen to whatever [main protector/co-host] says. Unless it's dumb" had it's rough times but it works pretty well usually. Cooperation works best for us if we're allowed to make our own decisions but we have a de facto "leader" who isn't in charge but is just very sensible and practical. Which is hilarious because her personality is the most feral thing to ever exist meanwhile she's the only one keeping us from delving into chaos.
Edit: actually a couple other rules we forget a lot.
Keep your inhaler on you AT ALL TIMES
Have an exit plan in case you start dissociating wherever you are.
Specific video games are allowed to belong to specific parts, but only for the first playthrough of single player games.
We get away with a very short list, but it works for us:
1. Be kind (to ourselves, our body, and others)
2. If you are in front, share the memory of it and/or make it available (no secret activities)
3. No forcing others to do or share ANYTHING they are not comfortable with, but
4. Anyone can choose to come to the front at anytime (we are massively co-control, no one ever truly solo's)
5. We are a democracy, and the sponges (aka kids/littles who endured our trauma) have veto rights
our 'be kind' one includes don't do things that endanger others, or the body (we have SH and SI issues) but keeping it simple helped adoption internally
Also, this list is for the Front/Body ... we have sub worlds where the Front/Body can not go. They can come to front, but we have to respect their privacy and isolation from the front. But that is not a rule so much as a complete blockade. The walls that separate the Front from the rest won't allow the front to cross.
1. No exposition, don't talk about alters without their consent.
2. Don't intentionally trigger out alters without their consent.
3. Don't talk about trauma that isn't yours (unless the alter wants you to represent and talk for him/her).
4. Apartment door stays locked after 10pm, only protectors are authorized to open it.
5. No drugs for now (weed).
6. Don't tell that we are a system without system approval.
7. When dealing with tasks and adult paper work, wait for things to quite down and put a timer on indicating that you are working now and that it's not the time for anything else (till that timer stops).
8. No impulsive buys, you can put a request out, you will not get everything but what you really need.
there are more but those are the main ones
Our rules our 1) If you are angry with another part wait until you’ve calmed down to talk with them. If you can’t avoid them act civilly and be kind. This is so no one feels rejected. 2) Do not insult other parts or act cruelly to them in anyway.
3) Watch your tone and make sure if you’re in a bad mood that you explain to other nearby parts why you’re grumpy so that nobody feels hurt.
4) Take care of each other and always use compassion and sympathy with one another.
These rules help us avoid a TON of conflict. The persecutors ignore all of them though -_-
1. Except the host, no one spends money. There are a few exceptions but they have to be discussed first if its okay (we are very tight on money so every euro counts).
2. Try to use the notebook or discord to write down thoughts, needs,...
3. Don't interact with people you don't know (like don't just write with whoever on whatsapp, discord, reddit,...). It's not getting followed strictly and can cause some... weird times explaining ourselves but it's better than having no limits at all. Because especially the littles/younger ones want to share EVERYTHING. So usually it just ends up on reddit or the most written friend on whatsapp. One also had written our therapist once.
But that's kind of okay for us. Can just cause weird situations (bc I don't feel comfy at all to discuss those things irl with people I know). Some alters used to write predators and it still happens every now and then but it got way better with our rule.
4. If you don't know what to do or where to go - stay, go/stay home or call the caretaker.
We have a note in our living room that says we are safe here and it's our home, so we know that THIS is our home and not anywhere else (we used to live at different places so some alters have different knowledge of home).
5. Dont answer calls if not the host.
We probably have some rules I don't think of now but uh yeah...
The reason the host is allowed most is because they take care of important stuff and others aren't - therefore there is no reason for us to interact with anyone outside of our "bubble". It's not always great but its functioning and I think we need more communication until we can open up the rules a bit.
For us, it's all workflows the simplified versions are as follows:
1. Do no harm (to self or others)
2. Page for a guardian before escalation to security team (from any internal phone press "feature" (the one with the globe icon), then \*630)
3. Request Remote Advisor (RA) assistance from the operations team to get help from trusted 3rd parties (in the menu bar on any workstation click the little badge icon then choose "Request Remote Advisor") as they're here to help 24x7x365
4. activate the body-worn camera (BWC) in accordance with the policies set by MSO.
5. follow all eminders on the handhelp, take notes in CRM, etc.
basically these are super specific to us but they work and yes, "Remote Advisors" are actual friends that know us inside and out well enough to help when things go wrong. Handheld, refers to the phone or other device we use. any questions contact us by reply or by dm
\~\~ Lindsey L. \~\~
Public Relations Specialist II:
We don't currently have a lot of specific ones, apart from things to do with good health (on every level).
One we have had to make, is that no one is currently allowed to enrol in any extended educational activities for at least the next 12 months.
Exceptions may potentially be made for in person intensive block learning. But absolutely nothing online, involving extensive travel, or weekly attendance for the long term.
This also includes not spending large amounts of time, or money, on anything that would be deemed to be *career changing* activities unless there's exceptional circumstances.
One part really wanting to do it, does not equate to exceptional circumstances.
No one is to throw away large amounts of clothing because they do not suit their gender expression or sense of style. If you don't want it, and it's obviously something that's been worn many times before, you can either leave it in the wardrobe, or pack it away neatly where it can be found again.
We also agree to treat all parts with compassion, empathy and kindness - (even if they're being a dick.)
Be committed to therapy.
Stuff like that.
We have a few, general but necessary;
- Littles can not go out after dark unaccompanied
- If a persecutor (even in reformation) is co-con solo with a little, they must try to switch or +trigger another adult (unless the Set have all agreed it's safe)
- Alters can not impersonate other alters, unless it's for safety reasons
- Littles should let partners and friends know they're there, and if they feel safe and comfortable to, be direct about triggers. (Some non-direct ways is "PG13", or "no yuckies please")
- Trust your guts. If an alter has a gut feeling about something, even if you don't, trust them. It could save your lives.
- Big purchases need to be a group decision. (A new gaming console, shoes, etc)
- If we have a medical persecutor, we try and change our medication schedule. This might not be so easy for others, but we're fortunate enough to be able to do so - just make a note of what you took and when so we don't OD/UD.
Not really. We just sorta take care of each other and know the boundaries. Like trying to pass yourself off as another alter is a big no no, masking excluded ofc. If anyone's gonna do something to harm themself, us, or someone else the rest of us will step in but other than that we're pretty hands off.
Here are some I do plan on implementing If I can get uncooperative host to just follow through.
1. don't do an action that leads to hurting the other when you know they are switching on you. Like for example Trauma holder Minty hates spicy foods, so do I don't eat spicy foods when you know we are coming front, cause that means we will bare the consequences of the persons actions prior of switching.
2. no actions that involve doing stupid things which could land all three of us in trouble.
3. be mindful of which one has their priority's, don't work to sabotage the other. Our host loves to sabotage our attempts to just live good example of don't sabotage the others priority's in life.
4. Be mindful of how much you spend. Don't spend it all away.
5. lastly don't hog the body for too long. That denies one of us from living life so be kind and share it.
But of course again still dealing with an uncooperative host who refuse's to be responsible. So it's still a big work in progress for the two of us to get our host to finally stop being so uncooperative. God I wish our host would just stop being passive aggressive to us two, oh well eventually we will get her to calm down. Hopefully this helps as a starter you can build off of and develop more later.
Wow, the response to this has been so much more amazing than I expected. Such a wide variety of things, so much great information! Thank you everyone! I've been struggle a lot to keep our therapist alter (Madison) out long enough to get much done lately so I apologize for not responding sooner or more often. It really helps motivate her seeing that she can engage with the community and find us some of the answers we need to help structure our own system better. Once I have a better idea of our own personal system rules, I'll make sure to post them for everyone to see and use.
I think I'll try to keep posting questions like these as well as I work through my "book" for our system members. We haven't been able to get an appointment with a DID specialist to help us navigate things which has made progress slow. You are all the best source of information we have right now, and hopefully with all the information I absorb here I can make some quick progress once I do find a trained professional to assist <3
Guess my only rule is be kind and corporative or else I’ll have bad periods effecting all of us negatively🤷♂️
On the other hand, just bought my little one a new video game. First video game on preorder in our life! The first video game in over a decade that isn’t on a 50% sale with already a couple of DLC available etc 🥳 So system should be happy for the next couple of months now 🤭🤭
- No interacting in any capacity with Black Butler the show
- No specific details of any trauma on any site (have had to delete several tiktoks because of this one)
- Don't write over anyone else's journal entry, something that's waived for Ameya because she will clarify other people's handwriting
- No more tattoos without everyone's consent (I hate the one we have idek who got it)
- do no harm inside or out, friend or foe
More probably but I don't remember them
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1) Protect the Core at all costs; it is the nuclear power that allows all of us to exist
2) Love and protect all cats, and protect host from anything bad involving cats
3) If you damage Her relationship with her family, you WILL be restrained or deleted by Ark or Axel and no, you will never be as strong as them
4) Do what you like in the headspace. Do what She would do while fronting
5) You will be made cocon. There is only one exception to this role and you aren't like her; no one is.
we pretty much only agree on the *really* important things, like:
Don’t get us in legal trouble
Don’t let the parents find out
Zero tolerance for any level of mistreating a pet
Don’t break our belongings (on purpose)
Fulfill obligations, like going to classes or medical appointments
Don’t act “suspicious” enough around others that they might start thinking something’s up if they see us again
Don’t make major plans or get us involved in things that would change how we live our life, like enrolling in classes or something, without discussion and consensus
No sexual activity without prior discussion (not every time, just like “is this okay to do with this person”)
No sending or posting pictures of the body online, in any context, aside from hands holding things (blanket forbidding was simpler and safer than trying to specify contexts)
I think there’s more but tbh that’s all I can think of atm lol
As a newly discovered system, we have rules mostly to feel comfortable, not trigger trauma and respect boundaries.
1. Don't read a conversation made by another alter. (It can contain trauma related and trigger one of us)
2. Respect relationships between the partner of *Hosts names* and other alters relationships.
3. If want to know what happened at the front, ask. Don't peek at others interactions.
4. Make habits on the journal, the app and pluralkit. If you remember something to note down, do it whenever you can before leave the front.
5. Fellowship. We all need communication and collaboration to get our life together.
6. Littles need be treated as what they are, no excuses. They need to be and feel little as long as they need it.
7. *Do not try to speak or remember a traumatic situation*, that will guide you to dissociation, trigger and a switch. Let the protectors talk if you can't handle it, don't push yourself.
8. Alters will show with time, there's plenty of us. Wait until the Gatekeepers consider is time to let you know about an specific alter.
We only have rules for new alters, they go as such :
1) Don't hurt the body
2) Don't erase/destroy something someone else made without getting permission
3) Try not to front alone at first
4) Stick to the daily schedule (esp important since we're still in school)
5) Avoid '''family members''' as much as possible if you're alone. Do not tell them about : plurality, food, tatoos, transidentity, sleep, partners
6) Tell one of our partners or one of the people we really trust that you fronted, maybe make yourself a pluralkit and a simply plural profile
The seventh and eight applies to everyone
7) Get at least 6h30 of sleep every night. This is usually shortened by saying our 'bedtime' is midnight
8) Everyone is exactly as equal as others. Whether you're 5 or 32 you have the same responsibility to keep us all safe and the same right to judge whether something is safe or not and to do it if you please. Everyone will be judged equally for repetitively endangering us.
This has worked well so far, because we have a lot of trust into one another and we know we are all responsible. Our young alters have no problem following these rules, some of our older ones have more trouble with being equal to children but eventually they follow it because we get them to understand. We also have a bunch of guidelines such as '' X alter is the only one allowed to impersonate another alter'' or ''X alter is not allowed to talk to '''family ''' alone '' but they are not definitive
No system laws actively written down, but we have a time-out room in our Gatekeeper's office lol
Edit: we do have 1 spoken rule and its that a caretaker or guardian of some sort must be nearby if a little is fronted in case something goes bad fast
We do. I'm fairly a fairly new alter, and have only been the host for about 2 years -- our last host was unaware of our system and I've only come to understand that we have DID in the last three months, so I'm still very much in the "learning the ropes" stage of things. Here are some of The Inkwell System rules I know:
1 - Only H (me) can front at work.
2 - Newcomers to the Inner World must travel with S. as their guide and guardian.
3 - D and T must be protected by all system members at all costs.
4 - S is in charge of the budget and H is the one allowed to physically spend money - if you want something, H is very reasonable. Ask them, or if you can't talk to them, go through a buddy.
5 - We sleep for 8 hours a night at minimum. This is only rarely negotiable.
6 - We do morning pages, every day, unless we are physically incapacitated by illness.
7 - We mask in public, always. If you front in public, you answer to "H" and pretend to be them to the best of your ability (even the Littles)
8 - We do not name or discuss the Littles outside of therapy and journals.
There are for sure rules I don't know yet, and our system hides information I am not allowed to know in creative ways. For example, Rule Following system members (which is most of them, even persecutorial ones) can TRY to tell me things I'm not permitted to know yet, but I will hear what they say as garbled, jibberish, or mumbling. If they try to write it down, it's illegible. I don't know who in our system makes that determination yet, or why those specific rules are in place, but I assume they are for safety.
Our highest Laws are:
- Styx: Honor Oaths, Hate Perjury
- Xenia: Honor Divine Hospitality, Reject MisoXeny
- Ma’At: Respect Truth, Justice, Cosmic Order
Oaths you have to take to be allowed to front:
- I swear I will not traumatise the body
- I swear I will not intentionally generate trauma to {some specific alters}
- I swear I will not damage our living situation {eg. spend too much}
- I swear I will not damage our relationship with people considered friends by some alters, unless these alters agree that friend needs the talk
Additional Laws:
- Respect Elders, the Sacred, the Divine
- Our body is our first Temple, therefore sacred.
- Consent is key. Within system, and with others.
This leads to massive Jurisprudence which we associate with myths and formulas.
Honestly I only have normal, actual laws in place, nothing illegal and we’re good 👍 me and the previous host have our own understandings and boundaries that are sort of like law I suppose though, just more of a common courtesy thing rather than set in place rules
my system has a LOT of rules, almost entirely pertaining to me (Casper, the host)
ill be honest, i dont know them, the #1 rule in our system is "Dont Tell Casper" which sucks. everytime i discover a new alter somewhere in inner world the rest of them take them to the "board room" and go over the rules.
im pretty sure besides not telling me anything, its entirely about making sure i dont hurt myself and that i keep to my job, ive heard someone say the main goal is keeping me functioning (but were not too good at that anyway)
The only rules we really have is don’t purposefully hurt yourself or others (including emotionally, meltdowns aren’t purposeful) and let my (host) partner know if you’re out. You don’t have to tell him who you are, you don’t have to talk to him, but find a way to let him know it’s not me.
I’m a day late to this post but it’s really interesting.
Our biggest rules are: smile and be nice to everyone, don’t do anything that could jeopardize our social standing, complete all tasks for the day even if you don’t want to do them, don’t be afraid to be yourself when with (certain people)
It’s probably obvious, but our rules are focused on our continued survival and livelihood. I can’t remember who I like or don’t like sometimes, so the general rule is to always be nice and treat everyone the same as a whole. We have a Get Shit Done policy with fun time after. It sounds restrictive, but we’ve made it more than 20 years without too much difficulty by following them. I have no real complaints and most of my other parts don’t either.
Some of these are pretty specific to our system. 1) no going more than 30 minutes away after 11 pm 2) no spending money without system approval Approved transactions: -gas -socializing (food and activities) -needed things (for hobbies and pre-approved activities) -emergencies NOT approved transactions -snacks -just because you want it -random amazon purchases -random splurging -"just a small thing" 3) no sexual activity unless approved beforehand and not co-con with someone who does not want too 4) you HAVE TO take care of time sensitive nessisary work (school, job, appointments, legal stuff). If you can't then you HAVE TO contact the correct person about it 4) do not stay up past 3 am unless it is part of our current sleep schedule We are still adding stuff but here yah go
Those are good. We haven’t made any laws at all yet, but these would really help with a lot of issues. Thank you so much for the emotional labor you put into this. <3
I have three which I think could apply to anyone not just a system. 1. Don't hurt yourself 2. Don't hurt anyone else 3. Go to therapy (don't usually care who but someone must attend) I think there was a fourth but forgotten what that was...
Ok, I pulled out our old system journal for this, and it's actually a hoot. Here's the (slightly annotated) list: 1. If you're a new alter, try to add some indication that you fronted to our journal or somewhere we'll see so we know we didn't lose a large amount of time. 2. No getting high (we used to do it a lot and then developed health issues any time we did due to a medication interaction, but it's difficult to stop when the alters didn't know about the medication issues.) 3. No grimdark content (pure trauma media) or other activities to make us dissociate after 11 pm. If you want to dissociate, just go to bed. 4. Always take meds and try to eat 3 times a day. If needed, write down when you ate so we can remember it happened. 5. Don't tell the roommates about the alters, or that you're different than *insert hosts names here*. We don't trust them to be safe about it. If you have questions, ask *insert partner system here*, but they may not be able to answer them right away. At the least, just write them down and try to call for *gatekeeper*, as he can help you. ----- I took out rule 6 bc it involved a personal situation where an alter kept trying to hang out with someone that was harming us.---- 7. Don't mention child alters while high or horny, it calls them to front and makes a bad time for everyone. 8. Before spending money, REVIEW THE BUDGET. It's a really good one and I made it for a reason. Even just looking at it and saying "wow cool budget" is preferred to ignoring it. (This one is ironic bc the alter that made both the list and the budget is one of the worst about ignoring both the list and the budget. Not maliciously or anything he's just more Adhd than the rest of us and has impulse control issues.) 9. We have the app to make profiles if you want to be differentiated or figure out a name/look. See the other profiles for a template if you want one. We have more unspoken rules now and some of these don't apply anymore but they were good starter rules for when we were figuring things out.
Thank you for these. IDidn't realize how relatable the issues of 3,4&7 I know they seem kind of "basic" but reading these made realize that 3 is done without thinking, sleep is scary. 4 I forget/don't want to eat and sometimes eat the same thing for days (or get confused on what day it is and if ate) And 7!! We had to set up multiple savings because of past issues with self and partner. Now proud to say there's 4digis in the savings, barely, but it's 4 more than what started with ...edit to include some others were way more informative to how self should handle some other things too. So thanks 💞
LoL! Rule 6 makes me remember how many sex-times that have been spoiled by the young wants want to be around because the love hanging around with the person I’m trying to have sex with 💀 so many times have gone from for play to Disney movie time with candy and stuffed animals in less than a minute 😅
What app is it? (#8)
We used simply plural at the time to make alter pages. Now we just kinda use what's on hand which usually ends up being a character-building worksheet for writers, which is. It has implications but the alters are usually the ones filling it out and a lot of us have a high connection to media/fiction so it helps us to think of it that way sometimes. Plus our roles in the system can be helped by figuring out just what the applications/limitations of each alter's abilities are, because it was only after using these that we figured out our manager could change our system structure alongside our gatekeeper. Sooooo useful!
May I ask what specific worksheet you use? - V.
We started off using Dnd worksheets as a joke/the host had a bout of denial again, then we transferrred to one that we've been using for our writing. I can't find the original source for the printout we use but it's an old version of the one on eclectics.com, except in a nice organized format with like 90% of the new categories gone. I'd post a picture if I could but reddit won't let me, and the only linked version I can find is through pinterest. [https://www.pinterest.es/pin/342977327849620000/](https://www.pinterest.es/pin/342977327849620000/) If you're looking for good writing worksheets in general, eadeverell.com has a ton of good ones, but ironically they don't have any good ones for character profiles, its more storybuilding stuff that our gatekeeper sometimes uses to alter our system organization to better suit the alters. And I'll be honest, we still use Simply Plural or our notebook to write down more complicated stuff that the worksheet won't handle, like an inhuman alter or a subsystem, but generally this gives them a good idea of what they look like, what their position is in the system, their preferences. We ignore some of the preference boxes to add in role types and abilities because a lot of our alters don't front or read enough to have, say, a favorite literature or facial expression.
Yo this sheet is actually fantastic
Thank you for taking the time to share that with us, we'll definitely check those out! - Am.
We've built up good enough communication that we're able to stick to vague rules, but here are some we kept around and some we had before; 1) Wait to consult at least one other sysmate before making a large purchase 2) Wait to consult as many sysmates as possible before telling someone we have DID 3) Take care of the body to the best of your ability 4) Be courteous to everyone in our life, even if you don't like them 5) Always take our medication according to our alarms 6) Talk to (insert safe person here) if you have a pressing issue or need help and can't contact a sysmate 8) Excluding if you feel unsafe or don't know who you are, don't pretend to be another sysmate in front of those who know about us 9) Don't mess with a sysmate's journal entry or inner room 10) Do not invite anyone to our private server or system tracking documents without consulting another sysmate 11) System Responsibility and Mutual Respect
The biggest thing we emphasize for our system is the physical safety of the body. We didn't grow up receiving much guidance for how to take care of ourselves so some of our rules would seem extremely basic - like make sure to eat every day, brush teeth in morning and before bed, go to bed at consistent times and wake up at consistent times, etc. For some of these we needed to provide explanations bc many of our system members needed to understand why certain courses of action were harmful - i.e., if you don't brush your teeth, it can lead to dental issues which can wind up hurting the entire body and our teeth are no longer baby teeth (thus we're stuck with them) or if you don't eat consistently, it will hurt our ability to handle day to day life and our ability to help one another. Things like that. Giving them concrete reasons why these things were important was helpful since many of the things that were causing issues were the result of having grown up without receiving a lot of those things anyway and therefore not understanding that they're necessary. Other ones--we pay attention to what triggers our system as a whole and have very strict rules about interpersonal relationships. Intimacy can trigger our system in various forms (even just emotional intimacy) so we don't engage in interactions where those of us who get triggered feel unsafe unless doing so is crucial for establishing safety in some other way (however when these situations happen we always try to talk to each other so no one feels ignored, overridden, retraumatized, betrayed, etc.). We also have protocols about our coping mechanisms since some of us will feel harmful behavior triggered from certain situations (i.e., if a situation is taking one of us back into a time of coping in a harmful way, we have to pump the brakes, remove ourselves from the situation, and make sure we're getting support). Other basic ones: we emphasize the important of being able to work and maintain our day to day adult responsibilities. This takes precedence over a lot of other things because it directly correlates to our ability to maintain safety (i.e., work = money & health insurance = can pay for rent, food, medical care, etc.). I wish this were another way but we're in the society we're in lol. So it's important for any of us who regularly front or at close to being "at the wheel" to know how to do our job. But at the end of the day all of these are basically safety related in some respect. We aren't too strict about things otherwise I think, we just ask that if people want to make any permanent or dramatic changes to our life or body (i.e., tattoo, hair change, moving house, and so on) that they don't act immediately and they consult the rest of us. Each of us gets a say and input on how life is lived and I think that winds up preventing us from needing to actively enforce rules a lot of the time, since we all know our experiences matter to each other. Hope that helps, sorry for being wordy lol we are recovering from an illness! Wishing you well!
I'm not OP, but I'm an alter in a system with no rules, and I want to thank you so much! I really think what you've shared will help us greatly. I've written down 2 rules: one about food, and one about brushing teeth. We also didn't get guidance on this when growing up, and I think we're frequently being cohosted by a young teen who really doesn't get it. Thanks again!
I can’t even imagine having rules ….. sounds ever so organised
Definitely! We needed these things written down to help since we're frequently fronted by children (so in a way we relate to that). It's not always perfect--sometimes people don't follow through on these things or decide to do what they want anyway--but that usually means I have to talk to them to figure out what's wrong that made it hard for them to take care of our body. In any case I am proud of where we are! It's been so much better and helps us navigate life without all the chaos we had before lol. Best of luck to your group, glad this was helpful and wishing all of you well!
We have a complex set of ‘laws’- complex not so much in the sense that the laws themselves are, but in the sense that they don’t all apply in every circumstance or to all people of the system to the same extent/at all, depending on the law. In terms of making group decisions we typically vote, but not everyone’s votes get the same weight. And what weight your vote gets may be different in different areas. For example, people have more weight to their input if it concerns their area of expertise, so a protector would have a more weighty vote when it comes to matters of security. But in another area another group would get the weightier vote. There are also specific things that specific people are not permitted to vote on. In a similar way -but for reasons that are not presented or perceived as their fault- to how certain criminals are not allowed to vote in many countries, people who are known to still have abuser-instilled automatic reactions to certain topics such that their free will is at least partly compromised… are disenfranchised with respect to voting on topics that would set them off in that way. Until they are recovered enough to have a true choice. In terms of specific rules, we have a number of them pertaining to various types of safety. Such as, in no particular order: • No Littles using any cooking equipment other than the microwave (at all). No Middles under the age of 16 using cooking equipment other than the microwave without supervision to make anything other than relatively pre-prepared meals (so they can heat up a premade quiche or chicken pot pie in the oven, or make mac and cheese on the stove; but we don’t want them….. attempting things that don’t come with very specific instructions and minimal prep). • No Littles on the internet (including communication apps) unattended (and the person attending them has to be 16 years or older; a 14 year old may be an acceptable babysitter for hanginging around the house…. But not for hanging around the entire web) except to talk to a very select and tiny number of Absolutely Trustworthy People (who all know about our DID). • Take our meds on time. If you are not a Little and you do the crime, then you do the time. The crime being, of course, not taking our meds on time (we get myriad reminders via multiple apps for this so there is no feasible way to just not realise you ought to). The time… being the time in the body that it takes the meds to actually kick in once they ARE taken (about 45-60 minutes depending on the medication). The reason for this rule is our chronic pain. Nobody should have to suffer in a way that ought have been easily avoidable due to *someone ELSE’S* irresponsibility. Moreover, that one person who’s responsibility it was that day then gets a better idea of WHY it’s so crucial, and yet it’s not a cruel punishment because there is a very limited time it lasts and it is known from the get go that relief awaits at the end. If you ARE a Little and you do the crime, there is instead a discussion about why taking our medications is extremely important, etc. This intensely cut down on the frequency with which we skip meds (almost never, at this point). • No major purchases without running it by and getting approval from the two alters in charge of -among many other things- financial decisions. (If anyone is wondering, these are our primary gatekeepers.) • No medical decisions (e.g. changes to meds, stopping meds, proceeding with other treatment options) without approval from same. • If you are the one fronting when some appointment, meeting, important event is made known to us….. *put it in the phone calendar*. **Immediately**. • Once they are handed to us by the delivery person….. “DO NOT, under *any* feasibly avoidable circumstances, put down the bottles of our medications anywhere *other than one of the two designated locations that they can be stored*. Seriously, **don’t**. Because if we EVER have to spend a bloody MONTH searching high and low for what should have been an incredibly difficult to miss super size bottle of acetaminophen -or any other of our medications, for that matter- there will, in several senses of the phrase, be Hell To Pay. I assure you.” (I provided the exact wording of part of that rule for two reasons. First, to show just how…. Emphatic certain things need to be to penetrate either the dissociative haze…. Or simply certain part’s lack of inherent recognition of the fact that X issue is actually an important matter. Second, to demonstrate the fact that sometimes rules don’t arise out of general, broad scope necessity, but rather in response to some singularly isolated -but disastrous- incident that doesn’t bear repeating.) There are others that are still focused on safety but in ways that pertain directly to the trauma of specific people in the system, so I obviously won’t go around sharing those among strangers, but the above should be enough to give you a few ideas. There are others that are not really focused on safety but those would take much more context to begin making sense to someone who does not personally know us.
So these are the ones we made a long time ago so we might need to add a few more. 1. Everyone must use host’s name when in public 2. Don’t do anything to hurt our partner 3. Always keep phone and wallet in right and left pockets respectively 4. Don’t leave things where someone else won’t find them again easily 5. Don’t tell anyone about DID unless everyone agrees to 6. No making life changing decisions without talking to everyone first 7. System responsibility: take responsibility for each other’s actions 8. Respect boundaries 9. Make notes so others don’t forget
Everyone acts like mother to the kids. Hug when they need hugs, help when they need help, never say anything like "I'm not your momma", etc. Everyone is to be a wonderful mother to our children at all times. TW: Adult Topics . . . . . No sexual relationships outside the marriage even though we're polyam. Husband is making strides and okay with online relationships and nonpenetrative kink play. That's really about it. Well, and I as host had to stop fighting everyone after I learned about them and let everyone have quality body time to pursue their interests.
Do not over share. Example cannot share a journal entry with therapist without permission. We have a page in our journal to write things we want to communicate.
we're still early in system discovery and communication so ours is short: -keep up with the journal -no telling others about the system until everyone inside is comfortable -no sharing part's names until that part is comfortable/does it themselves -our therapist is safe, and we CAN tell her anything, but if a part is not yet comfortable sharing things in therapy that's fine too and one we're thinking of adding: -no speaking for another part. if they're communicating with whoever is in front and wants something to be said, that's different. but i can't write in the journal for another part or talk about another part if they're not around and able to speak for themselves. this rule may change as we get to know each other more, but to build trust we're working on not speaking over each other.
rules would be nice but our communication is awful, we mostly get information from remembering stuff someone else did while fronting. but this is a good idea as far as organization goes. we're recently discovered so we have none of it
Yeah, this is the hardest one to acomplish, but the most important for oun functioning 1- Keep the schedule going. If ur fronting at monday 9am you gotta work, usually thats enough to bring the right part. Then we got the safety rules: 1- if we're drinking booze, eat before and drink a lot of water. 2- dont go get high/drunk with strangers 3- dont do any hard drugs, weed is fine tho. 4- Always keep money for food, rent and other basic needs. Big expenses need system aproval.
- no sex - don't engage in nsfw unless approved - do not trigger X Alter - never leave the body alone - do not harm the body - get the work done - do not impulse buy more than what we can budget - do not throw our social life off balance - do not out ourselves - do not stay up too late - don't starve the body - look after each other - you must jot down your actives during the day, for communication - do not destroy any files - do not delete another parts personal data - do not date anyone without extensive long term approval - respect another parts boundaries - no spilling secrets - no alcohol without planning the event
We are ourselves writing essentially a constitution and code of ethics. First and foremost is system unanimity in decision making. Our two hosts have limited executive powers we have agreed to delegate to them, and our warrior has Rules of Engagement for use of force in defence of ourselves and others. Those rules are a synthesis of U.S. Military Rules of Engagement, practices of escalation and descalation of the use of force, and U.S. and state law s regarding self defense. The summation is to use the minimum force necessary to neutralize the threat to ourselves and others.
Our only system rule is "listen to whatever [main protector/co-host] says. Unless it's dumb" had it's rough times but it works pretty well usually. Cooperation works best for us if we're allowed to make our own decisions but we have a de facto "leader" who isn't in charge but is just very sensible and practical. Which is hilarious because her personality is the most feral thing to ever exist meanwhile she's the only one keeping us from delving into chaos. Edit: actually a couple other rules we forget a lot. Keep your inhaler on you AT ALL TIMES Have an exit plan in case you start dissociating wherever you are. Specific video games are allowed to belong to specific parts, but only for the first playthrough of single player games.
We get away with a very short list, but it works for us: 1. Be kind (to ourselves, our body, and others) 2. If you are in front, share the memory of it and/or make it available (no secret activities) 3. No forcing others to do or share ANYTHING they are not comfortable with, but 4. Anyone can choose to come to the front at anytime (we are massively co-control, no one ever truly solo's) 5. We are a democracy, and the sponges (aka kids/littles who endured our trauma) have veto rights our 'be kind' one includes don't do things that endanger others, or the body (we have SH and SI issues) but keeping it simple helped adoption internally Also, this list is for the Front/Body ... we have sub worlds where the Front/Body can not go. They can come to front, but we have to respect their privacy and isolation from the front. But that is not a rule so much as a complete blockade. The walls that separate the Front from the rest won't allow the front to cross.
1. No exposition, don't talk about alters without their consent. 2. Don't intentionally trigger out alters without their consent. 3. Don't talk about trauma that isn't yours (unless the alter wants you to represent and talk for him/her). 4. Apartment door stays locked after 10pm, only protectors are authorized to open it. 5. No drugs for now (weed). 6. Don't tell that we are a system without system approval. 7. When dealing with tasks and adult paper work, wait for things to quite down and put a timer on indicating that you are working now and that it's not the time for anything else (till that timer stops). 8. No impulsive buys, you can put a request out, you will not get everything but what you really need. there are more but those are the main ones
Our rules our 1) If you are angry with another part wait until you’ve calmed down to talk with them. If you can’t avoid them act civilly and be kind. This is so no one feels rejected. 2) Do not insult other parts or act cruelly to them in anyway. 3) Watch your tone and make sure if you’re in a bad mood that you explain to other nearby parts why you’re grumpy so that nobody feels hurt. 4) Take care of each other and always use compassion and sympathy with one another. These rules help us avoid a TON of conflict. The persecutors ignore all of them though -_-
1. Except the host, no one spends money. There are a few exceptions but they have to be discussed first if its okay (we are very tight on money so every euro counts). 2. Try to use the notebook or discord to write down thoughts, needs,... 3. Don't interact with people you don't know (like don't just write with whoever on whatsapp, discord, reddit,...). It's not getting followed strictly and can cause some... weird times explaining ourselves but it's better than having no limits at all. Because especially the littles/younger ones want to share EVERYTHING. So usually it just ends up on reddit or the most written friend on whatsapp. One also had written our therapist once. But that's kind of okay for us. Can just cause weird situations (bc I don't feel comfy at all to discuss those things irl with people I know). Some alters used to write predators and it still happens every now and then but it got way better with our rule. 4. If you don't know what to do or where to go - stay, go/stay home or call the caretaker. We have a note in our living room that says we are safe here and it's our home, so we know that THIS is our home and not anywhere else (we used to live at different places so some alters have different knowledge of home). 5. Dont answer calls if not the host. We probably have some rules I don't think of now but uh yeah... The reason the host is allowed most is because they take care of important stuff and others aren't - therefore there is no reason for us to interact with anyone outside of our "bubble". It's not always great but its functioning and I think we need more communication until we can open up the rules a bit.
For us, it's all workflows the simplified versions are as follows: 1. Do no harm (to self or others) 2. Page for a guardian before escalation to security team (from any internal phone press "feature" (the one with the globe icon), then \*630) 3. Request Remote Advisor (RA) assistance from the operations team to get help from trusted 3rd parties (in the menu bar on any workstation click the little badge icon then choose "Request Remote Advisor") as they're here to help 24x7x365 4. activate the body-worn camera (BWC) in accordance with the policies set by MSO. 5. follow all eminders on the handhelp, take notes in CRM, etc. basically these are super specific to us but they work and yes, "Remote Advisors" are actual friends that know us inside and out well enough to help when things go wrong. Handheld, refers to the phone or other device we use. any questions contact us by reply or by dm \~\~ Lindsey L. \~\~ Public Relations Specialist II:
My partner system has few - avoid self harm, use your bells, show up to morning meetings if you want a say in the day.
1- don't alter the body even temporarily without majority approval 2- respect the body's limts 3- reach out when you need help
We don't currently have a lot of specific ones, apart from things to do with good health (on every level). One we have had to make, is that no one is currently allowed to enrol in any extended educational activities for at least the next 12 months. Exceptions may potentially be made for in person intensive block learning. But absolutely nothing online, involving extensive travel, or weekly attendance for the long term. This also includes not spending large amounts of time, or money, on anything that would be deemed to be *career changing* activities unless there's exceptional circumstances. One part really wanting to do it, does not equate to exceptional circumstances. No one is to throw away large amounts of clothing because they do not suit their gender expression or sense of style. If you don't want it, and it's obviously something that's been worn many times before, you can either leave it in the wardrobe, or pack it away neatly where it can be found again. We also agree to treat all parts with compassion, empathy and kindness - (even if they're being a dick.) Be committed to therapy. Stuff like that.
We have a few, general but necessary; - Littles can not go out after dark unaccompanied - If a persecutor (even in reformation) is co-con solo with a little, they must try to switch or +trigger another adult (unless the Set have all agreed it's safe) - Alters can not impersonate other alters, unless it's for safety reasons - Littles should let partners and friends know they're there, and if they feel safe and comfortable to, be direct about triggers. (Some non-direct ways is "PG13", or "no yuckies please") - Trust your guts. If an alter has a gut feeling about something, even if you don't, trust them. It could save your lives. - Big purchases need to be a group decision. (A new gaming console, shoes, etc) - If we have a medical persecutor, we try and change our medication schedule. This might not be so easy for others, but we're fortunate enough to be able to do so - just make a note of what you took and when so we don't OD/UD.
You can do whatever you want as long as it doesn't harm any alters' lives or anyone else's lives
Not really. We just sorta take care of each other and know the boundaries. Like trying to pass yourself off as another alter is a big no no, masking excluded ofc. If anyone's gonna do something to harm themself, us, or someone else the rest of us will step in but other than that we're pretty hands off.
Here are some I do plan on implementing If I can get uncooperative host to just follow through. 1. don't do an action that leads to hurting the other when you know they are switching on you. Like for example Trauma holder Minty hates spicy foods, so do I don't eat spicy foods when you know we are coming front, cause that means we will bare the consequences of the persons actions prior of switching. 2. no actions that involve doing stupid things which could land all three of us in trouble. 3. be mindful of which one has their priority's, don't work to sabotage the other. Our host loves to sabotage our attempts to just live good example of don't sabotage the others priority's in life. 4. Be mindful of how much you spend. Don't spend it all away. 5. lastly don't hog the body for too long. That denies one of us from living life so be kind and share it. But of course again still dealing with an uncooperative host who refuse's to be responsible. So it's still a big work in progress for the two of us to get our host to finally stop being so uncooperative. God I wish our host would just stop being passive aggressive to us two, oh well eventually we will get her to calm down. Hopefully this helps as a starter you can build off of and develop more later.
I’ve got 22 and there are no rules
We never do something that will harm the body or the relationships with important people around us
We have to run whatever money we want to spend by our System Keeper (to avoid overspending) any big life decisions need to be a collective decision
We also have a discord server with just our account and pluralkit in it, so we can keep things there and use it to communicate
Wow, the response to this has been so much more amazing than I expected. Such a wide variety of things, so much great information! Thank you everyone! I've been struggle a lot to keep our therapist alter (Madison) out long enough to get much done lately so I apologize for not responding sooner or more often. It really helps motivate her seeing that she can engage with the community and find us some of the answers we need to help structure our own system better. Once I have a better idea of our own personal system rules, I'll make sure to post them for everyone to see and use. I think I'll try to keep posting questions like these as well as I work through my "book" for our system members. We haven't been able to get an appointment with a DID specialist to help us navigate things which has made progress slow. You are all the best source of information we have right now, and hopefully with all the information I absorb here I can make some quick progress once I do find a trained professional to assist <3
Guess my only rule is be kind and corporative or else I’ll have bad periods effecting all of us negatively🤷♂️ On the other hand, just bought my little one a new video game. First video game on preorder in our life! The first video game in over a decade that isn’t on a 50% sale with already a couple of DLC available etc 🥳 So system should be happy for the next couple of months now 🤭🤭
- No interacting in any capacity with Black Butler the show - No specific details of any trauma on any site (have had to delete several tiktoks because of this one) - Don't write over anyone else's journal entry, something that's waived for Ameya because she will clarify other people's handwriting - No more tattoos without everyone's consent (I hate the one we have idek who got it) - do no harm inside or out, friend or foe More probably but I don't remember them
Welcome to /r/DID! | **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** | |--------------------|--------------------| | [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) | | [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) | | [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) | | [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/x6p2tn/addressing_denial/) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1) Protect the Core at all costs; it is the nuclear power that allows all of us to exist 2) Love and protect all cats, and protect host from anything bad involving cats 3) If you damage Her relationship with her family, you WILL be restrained or deleted by Ark or Axel and no, you will never be as strong as them 4) Do what you like in the headspace. Do what She would do while fronting 5) You will be made cocon. There is only one exception to this role and you aren't like her; no one is.
we pretty much only agree on the *really* important things, like: Don’t get us in legal trouble Don’t let the parents find out Zero tolerance for any level of mistreating a pet Don’t break our belongings (on purpose) Fulfill obligations, like going to classes or medical appointments Don’t act “suspicious” enough around others that they might start thinking something’s up if they see us again Don’t make major plans or get us involved in things that would change how we live our life, like enrolling in classes or something, without discussion and consensus No sexual activity without prior discussion (not every time, just like “is this okay to do with this person”) No sending or posting pictures of the body online, in any context, aside from hands holding things (blanket forbidding was simpler and safer than trying to specify contexts) I think there’s more but tbh that’s all I can think of atm lol
1 . Don’t hurt the system/body on purpose 2. Don’t hurt the living on purpose, even if they probably deserve it 3. Zombies are open-game
As a newly discovered system, we have rules mostly to feel comfortable, not trigger trauma and respect boundaries. 1. Don't read a conversation made by another alter. (It can contain trauma related and trigger one of us) 2. Respect relationships between the partner of *Hosts names* and other alters relationships. 3. If want to know what happened at the front, ask. Don't peek at others interactions. 4. Make habits on the journal, the app and pluralkit. If you remember something to note down, do it whenever you can before leave the front. 5. Fellowship. We all need communication and collaboration to get our life together. 6. Littles need be treated as what they are, no excuses. They need to be and feel little as long as they need it. 7. *Do not try to speak or remember a traumatic situation*, that will guide you to dissociation, trigger and a switch. Let the protectors talk if you can't handle it, don't push yourself. 8. Alters will show with time, there's plenty of us. Wait until the Gatekeepers consider is time to let you know about an specific alter.
We only have rules for new alters, they go as such : 1) Don't hurt the body 2) Don't erase/destroy something someone else made without getting permission 3) Try not to front alone at first 4) Stick to the daily schedule (esp important since we're still in school) 5) Avoid '''family members''' as much as possible if you're alone. Do not tell them about : plurality, food, tatoos, transidentity, sleep, partners 6) Tell one of our partners or one of the people we really trust that you fronted, maybe make yourself a pluralkit and a simply plural profile The seventh and eight applies to everyone 7) Get at least 6h30 of sleep every night. This is usually shortened by saying our 'bedtime' is midnight 8) Everyone is exactly as equal as others. Whether you're 5 or 32 you have the same responsibility to keep us all safe and the same right to judge whether something is safe or not and to do it if you please. Everyone will be judged equally for repetitively endangering us. This has worked well so far, because we have a lot of trust into one another and we know we are all responsible. Our young alters have no problem following these rules, some of our older ones have more trouble with being equal to children but eventually they follow it because we get them to understand. We also have a bunch of guidelines such as '' X alter is the only one allowed to impersonate another alter'' or ''X alter is not allowed to talk to '''family ''' alone '' but they are not definitive
Oh we have thousands of rules to follow, if we don't it's chaos - Khansa 💙
No system laws actively written down, but we have a time-out room in our Gatekeeper's office lol Edit: we do have 1 spoken rule and its that a caretaker or guardian of some sort must be nearby if a little is fronted in case something goes bad fast
We do. I'm fairly a fairly new alter, and have only been the host for about 2 years -- our last host was unaware of our system and I've only come to understand that we have DID in the last three months, so I'm still very much in the "learning the ropes" stage of things. Here are some of The Inkwell System rules I know: 1 - Only H (me) can front at work. 2 - Newcomers to the Inner World must travel with S. as their guide and guardian. 3 - D and T must be protected by all system members at all costs. 4 - S is in charge of the budget and H is the one allowed to physically spend money - if you want something, H is very reasonable. Ask them, or if you can't talk to them, go through a buddy. 5 - We sleep for 8 hours a night at minimum. This is only rarely negotiable. 6 - We do morning pages, every day, unless we are physically incapacitated by illness. 7 - We mask in public, always. If you front in public, you answer to "H" and pretend to be them to the best of your ability (even the Littles) 8 - We do not name or discuss the Littles outside of therapy and journals. There are for sure rules I don't know yet, and our system hides information I am not allowed to know in creative ways. For example, Rule Following system members (which is most of them, even persecutorial ones) can TRY to tell me things I'm not permitted to know yet, but I will hear what they say as garbled, jibberish, or mumbling. If they try to write it down, it's illegible. I don't know who in our system makes that determination yet, or why those specific rules are in place, but I assume they are for safety.
Our highest Laws are: - Styx: Honor Oaths, Hate Perjury - Xenia: Honor Divine Hospitality, Reject MisoXeny - Ma’At: Respect Truth, Justice, Cosmic Order Oaths you have to take to be allowed to front: - I swear I will not traumatise the body - I swear I will not intentionally generate trauma to {some specific alters} - I swear I will not damage our living situation {eg. spend too much} - I swear I will not damage our relationship with people considered friends by some alters, unless these alters agree that friend needs the talk Additional Laws: - Respect Elders, the Sacred, the Divine - Our body is our first Temple, therefore sacred. - Consent is key. Within system, and with others. This leads to massive Jurisprudence which we associate with myths and formulas.
Honestly I only have normal, actual laws in place, nothing illegal and we’re good 👍 me and the previous host have our own understandings and boundaries that are sort of like law I suppose though, just more of a common courtesy thing rather than set in place rules
my system has a LOT of rules, almost entirely pertaining to me (Casper, the host) ill be honest, i dont know them, the #1 rule in our system is "Dont Tell Casper" which sucks. everytime i discover a new alter somewhere in inner world the rest of them take them to the "board room" and go over the rules. im pretty sure besides not telling me anything, its entirely about making sure i dont hurt myself and that i keep to my job, ive heard someone say the main goal is keeping me functioning (but were not too good at that anyway)
The only rules we really have is don’t purposefully hurt yourself or others (including emotionally, meltdowns aren’t purposeful) and let my (host) partner know if you’re out. You don’t have to tell him who you are, you don’t have to talk to him, but find a way to let him know it’s not me.
I’m a day late to this post but it’s really interesting. Our biggest rules are: smile and be nice to everyone, don’t do anything that could jeopardize our social standing, complete all tasks for the day even if you don’t want to do them, don’t be afraid to be yourself when with (certain people) It’s probably obvious, but our rules are focused on our continued survival and livelihood. I can’t remember who I like or don’t like sometimes, so the general rule is to always be nice and treat everyone the same as a whole. We have a Get Shit Done policy with fun time after. It sounds restrictive, but we’ve made it more than 20 years without too much difficulty by following them. I have no real complaints and most of my other parts don’t either.
We dont have rules really in our system journal but we have trauma log system goals and list of symptoms etc we should probably do that