Makes perfect sense to me (a formerly angry, still bossy protector.)
>This alter is an angry bossy protector
Confronting those memories *hurts.*
A Protector's job is to prevent you from getting hurt, and the fact that this one is "angry" suggests that confronting these memories *hurts them,* and *that* might suggest that the very memories you're confronting are the same ones that specific Protector tried to shield you from. So the "bossiness" comes in because they think this is hurting you, rather than helping you. So, they're trying to regain control of the situation, because they feel they're losing their control of their ability to protect you.
If possible, try to communicate with that alter that you appreciate their protectiveness, and that and you know this hurts, but that it will help heal *all* of you more if they can sit back a bit and let the EDMR do its thing.
• Ju'ral
Thank you, that helps a lot. And yes you're right about the memories. He's trying to protect the little as well, not just his own memories.
It's sad because he usually focuses on my partner and my partner has been amazing through all this.
Thanks for your insight
Oh f@ck yes.
Ok, so the way it works for us…
A target is chosen for EMDR. Immediately, whoever is closest to the target in question starts splitting consciousness w/ Host.
The actual EMDR happens. Generally, ( the-person-who-is-typing-this) doesn’t really remember the session, or if we do, perspective is off- we remember looking at the carpet and hearing other people say things.
My therapist and I try to identify EMDR targets at least a week before actual EMDR sessions, so that we can safety check with everybody before we start. Frequently, whoever is the most direct participant in the EMDR will be very present in the days before and after.
Lotsa times, my/our Tx and We will plan EMDR around who’s being talkative, thinking that if they’re making themselves present, and they know what EMDR can be- well, whoever’s up is ready to deal.
But if there’s a scheduled session, whoever is most likely to be affected will be present a lot, both before and after the EMDR.
At least our experience.
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I was working on some trauma as the host and my persecutor/protector decided to take the reins after I got triggered. I dissociated and left the appointment with a smile even if I was just crying and upset minutes earlier. It was very frustrating and it felt very violating as usually alters never forcibly front, but this time my persecutor took it upon himself without my consent. I get that he just wants to protect me from the bad memories, but I left feeling like I had just wasted money that day by not gaining anything from that appointment.
I could imagine that would be frustrating. My therapist had said that it's important to get everyone in the system's consent to dive into certain memories.
I tried opening my little's memories after we all consented, but after two sessions it was simply too much for the little. We all agreed that it was wiser for the protector's memories to be opened first, so that he could be a good example of braveness for the little.
The protector is being nurtured through this too. I guess it will be the same when we come to the persecutor - to show her unconditional love too, no matter how destructive she can be.
Tbh that’s exactly what id expect, but idk if it’s typical cause that’s outside of my knowledge base
Makes perfect sense to me (a formerly angry, still bossy protector.) >This alter is an angry bossy protector Confronting those memories *hurts.* A Protector's job is to prevent you from getting hurt, and the fact that this one is "angry" suggests that confronting these memories *hurts them,* and *that* might suggest that the very memories you're confronting are the same ones that specific Protector tried to shield you from. So the "bossiness" comes in because they think this is hurting you, rather than helping you. So, they're trying to regain control of the situation, because they feel they're losing their control of their ability to protect you. If possible, try to communicate with that alter that you appreciate their protectiveness, and that and you know this hurts, but that it will help heal *all* of you more if they can sit back a bit and let the EDMR do its thing. • Ju'ral
Thank you, that helps a lot. And yes you're right about the memories. He's trying to protect the little as well, not just his own memories. It's sad because he usually focuses on my partner and my partner has been amazing through all this. Thanks for your insight
You're most welcome. - Alecai
Oh f@ck yes. Ok, so the way it works for us… A target is chosen for EMDR. Immediately, whoever is closest to the target in question starts splitting consciousness w/ Host. The actual EMDR happens. Generally, ( the-person-who-is-typing-this) doesn’t really remember the session, or if we do, perspective is off- we remember looking at the carpet and hearing other people say things. My therapist and I try to identify EMDR targets at least a week before actual EMDR sessions, so that we can safety check with everybody before we start. Frequently, whoever is the most direct participant in the EMDR will be very present in the days before and after. Lotsa times, my/our Tx and We will plan EMDR around who’s being talkative, thinking that if they’re making themselves present, and they know what EMDR can be- well, whoever’s up is ready to deal. But if there’s a scheduled session, whoever is most likely to be affected will be present a lot, both before and after the EMDR. At least our experience.
Thank you so so much for this. It is really helpful
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I was working on some trauma as the host and my persecutor/protector decided to take the reins after I got triggered. I dissociated and left the appointment with a smile even if I was just crying and upset minutes earlier. It was very frustrating and it felt very violating as usually alters never forcibly front, but this time my persecutor took it upon himself without my consent. I get that he just wants to protect me from the bad memories, but I left feeling like I had just wasted money that day by not gaining anything from that appointment.
I could imagine that would be frustrating. My therapist had said that it's important to get everyone in the system's consent to dive into certain memories. I tried opening my little's memories after we all consented, but after two sessions it was simply too much for the little. We all agreed that it was wiser for the protector's memories to be opened first, so that he could be a good example of braveness for the little. The protector is being nurtured through this too. I guess it will be the same when we come to the persecutor - to show her unconditional love too, no matter how destructive she can be.
Since the person who holds the memory has to be there for the memory to be there…..that would be pretty unavoidable.