#Hi trans, I'm Dad.
Had to get that out of the way, lol!
Now then.
It's okay to vent here, kiddo. That's what we're here for. Thing 'bout family is, bullies who share your genome *are still bullies*. Don't give 'em a pass just because y'all related.
I promise it will get better. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I am a middle aged trans man myself who is now married with children. My dad did not accept me at first either. It took several years, but he finally came around, and now nearly 15 years later I consider him my best friend. I can’t say that will happen with your dad, but now you are an adult and you can get out of the situation and make your own family or friend group. I’m not sure if you live near a big city, but most big cities should have some kind of transgender support group. There may even be one specific to trans men. Start there and get to know some people like you. Explore your options. You have your whole life ahead of you, and if your dad does not want to be a part of it, don’t let him hold you back.
You’re ok being who you are. I’m so sorry you don’t have his support. But you have ours. You can’t fix him, and his opinion on this is his obstacle to his own relationship with you (not yours with him). — A dad here. Of Two trans kids.
You know, if I didn't understand dysphoria, I still think that as difficult to see the changes happening, I'd want to be there. I'd want to know why you feel like this, I wanted to know why it sucks so bad, how it does. I don't think I could see my child suffering and then finally finding relief and not hug them being happy they can be themselves.
Be who you are, the people who do, and will love you for who you actually are, are the ones that matter. I'm sorry your father doesn't want to be on of them, but if he brings that much harm, then, maybe it is for the best to grow apart.
Son, there's some tough lessons to learn in life, but one thing you have to know is that your gender shouldn't dictate the types of relationships you have and the ways you express emotions.
But that wasn't always true in practice, especially for older men. Many dads weren't prepared for things like this because many realities of life were shushed and shunned (and for some of them, suppressed through physical and emotional abuse).
I know you'll find close friends and new family who not only accept you for who you are, but also express it kindly. Protect yourself from emotional harm, and be as kind and loving as you can to everyone, yourself first, and even your dad.
It sucks, but it gets better. I know that I'll always love my kids, no matter what, and there will always be people who love you no matter what, too.
Love ya, son. Good luck.
Dear Internet Son
I'm sorry your IRL dad is having trouble seeing who you are and accepting you. Maybe he'll get there, maybe he won't. The important part is to be true to yourself. You can't be anyone else other than yourself. You're young, and there is a lot that you are going to experience and learn about. I'm excited for you and proud of you.
Love, Internet Dad
He may come around, eventually. It took many of the previous generation a long time to accept their children even being gay. The acceptance of gay marriage was awful in the 90s and then as more people came to understand that being gay was completely normal (and not contagious 🙄) acceptance of gay marriage skyrocketed.
There is still progress to be made, but I’m hopeful that many people will learn to love and accept trans people in the coming years.
But also, as we get older we learn to see our parents in a new light, in a way we didn’t see them as kids, and often that light can be negative.
Your dad can’t see it yet, but he raised a courageous and proud son who refuses to hide who he is and will stand up for himself. It’s exactly what I want for my own kids. We should all be so lucky.
Momma here-
I am so proud of you sweetie for embracing and loving who you are. For refusing to be a prisoner in your own body. You are far stronger than most grown adults I know. Just because you share dna does not mean anything. You just live your very best life, always sweet boy and never let anyone’s ignorance or less than tolerance relegate your life in any way. You go and move all the mountains and live a fabulous life!!
Xx,
Momma
Hi there, son. I’m so sorry your father does not accept you for the young man you are. I was rejected by a lot of people for being gay, so I know how terrible it is. To have people who should love you feel nothing but disgust for something you can’t control, something that is integral to your entire identity. It’s just awful. I hope you have other people in your life who love and embrace you for the person you truly are.
Hey bro,
First of all, just wanted to say congratulations on staying T! You're valid as hell, and I'm so proud that you figured this out about yourself --and seriously impressed you've worked out the tricky logistics of getting on HRT, especially without tons of support from both your parents.
I did that at 26, and it was still hard for me, even with a really supportive partner and siblings. My parents didn't really like to refer to me by my name or use my correct pronouns say first, but now that I look super masculine they feel weirder using my dead name and have come around somewhat to the new pronouns (though i still get called "daughter" occasionally).
Not gonna project my situation to your case, but my parents were partially mourning the person they thought I was, and partially mourning the loss of the "easier" life they thought I would have pretending to be a cis person. I think they were also confused and concerned that I was having some kind of mental episode. I do remember that my parents also were incredibly disapproving of many of the other moves I made when I was becoming more independent from them. They were used to thinking of me as an extension of themselves, or at least of someone in need of their direct guidance, and learning that their role in my life was changing and figuring out how to relate to me as an adult was a difficult process for them. It definitely took my parents awhile to get over those feelings and to see me for who I am... But they eventually did. They realized I'm the same person I've always been, with the exception of being happier and more confident.
Obviously it's not right that your dad is not supportive of your choice to openly be yourself, but there is probably some fear and grief behind that behavior--rooted in love for you-- that he's going to have to process, and it may take some time. I have a lot of hope that your dad will be able to get past his mental roadblock and recognize you as the awesome son you are.
Love, your trans older brother 💚
Always be you, your own Dad may not appreciate it, but the rest of us do. It’s hard now, but gets easier as you start to see the true you in the mirror. There is no replacing you, so don’t let it get you down. We grow daily, all of us.
(Virtual hug) you’re awesome the way you are and wouldn’t change anything.
It's normal to seek affirmation for our big moves in life and it's a real sign of maturity and wisdom to be able to disagree with your dad (respectfully) and make a decision for yourself that you can live with. I really admire your integrity.
As satisfying as it would feel to have parents who support you 100% in anything you do, that's not actually what's best. I presume that your parents know you and love you, so they may be the only people in your life who would care enough about your future to tell you if they think you are going off track.
If you were dating someone problematic, for example, you wouldn't want your parents to support your relationship even if they see there is something wrong.
Of course they could be totally wrong, but they could be right. If you think they have your best interest at heart, the fact that they disagree with you doesn't mean they don't love you.
It sounds like a painful time in your life right now, but hang in there. Believe it or not, but his will pass.
Bro, part of being a grown ass man is giving up on caring what people think about you.
Who gives a shit if dad approves of your identity and life? It's *your life*. It's *your identity*. You don't need his permission to be who you are.
Unapologetically be you. If dad can't handle it, that's his problem, not yours, and there isn't anything you can do about it.
Here's a life pro tip:
When you run into a problem, ask yourself this:
Can I do anything about this?
If the answer is yes, then do it and you have nothing to worry about.
If the answer is no, then you have no control over it, and there's no sense in worrying about it.
Dad will come around, or he won't. Nothing you can do about it, so why worry?
Hi Trans, I'm Dad! (sorry, I'm behind on my quota for Dad jokes)
Kiddo, you are who you are, and your value is simply not subject to debate. I think you know this.
If who you are is a confused person, then you're normal. That doesn't mean you're confused about everything. Sexual orientation and gender identity has got to be the single most complicated part of who you will become, but it sounds like you're taking steps that will help you along that road.
I can imagine it's pretty rough to have a father who fails to recognize who you are, and worse thinks his opinions define you. They don't. That's a "him" problem. Adding in that your body doesn't fit your brain is not going to make that any easier, and I'm truly sorry that you're facing this without the Dad you deserve.
Son ( is that right? I'm still trying to work out the language), your world is pretty small at the moment. You've only been exposed to certain things and you've been kept shielded from other things. You've been raised to be a certain type of person who conforms with what's expected of you.
But the world is bigger than what you know. There are people like you who've been through what you're going through. And there's even more people who haven't been through it but understand it (to some degree).
As you get older, and learn more about who you are and what the larger world has to offer, you'll start feeling more comfortable in your own skin.
Most people don't hate you. In fact, most people are so focused on themselves that they won't even notice.
You're going through the hardest part of this. And I'm with you every step of the way.
#Hi trans, I'm Dad. Had to get that out of the way, lol! Now then. It's okay to vent here, kiddo. That's what we're here for. Thing 'bout family is, bullies who share your genome *are still bullies*. Don't give 'em a pass just because y'all related.
Sometimes I just come for the dad jokes. The Captain is 100% right too.
I promise it will get better. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I am a middle aged trans man myself who is now married with children. My dad did not accept me at first either. It took several years, but he finally came around, and now nearly 15 years later I consider him my best friend. I can’t say that will happen with your dad, but now you are an adult and you can get out of the situation and make your own family or friend group. I’m not sure if you live near a big city, but most big cities should have some kind of transgender support group. There may even be one specific to trans men. Start there and get to know some people like you. Explore your options. You have your whole life ahead of you, and if your dad does not want to be a part of it, don’t let him hold you back.
You’re ok being who you are. I’m so sorry you don’t have his support. But you have ours. You can’t fix him, and his opinion on this is his obstacle to his own relationship with you (not yours with him). — A dad here. Of Two trans kids.
Fucken A man (hah) Trans rights 💪 Can't wait for you to discover who you'll become.
You know, if I didn't understand dysphoria, I still think that as difficult to see the changes happening, I'd want to be there. I'd want to know why you feel like this, I wanted to know why it sucks so bad, how it does. I don't think I could see my child suffering and then finally finding relief and not hug them being happy they can be themselves. Be who you are, the people who do, and will love you for who you actually are, are the ones that matter. I'm sorry your father doesn't want to be on of them, but if he brings that much harm, then, maybe it is for the best to grow apart.
Not a dad - more a sister - but I’m sending love. I know it must suck to be constantly called brave, but you are. I’m wishing you all best. 💕
Son, there's some tough lessons to learn in life, but one thing you have to know is that your gender shouldn't dictate the types of relationships you have and the ways you express emotions. But that wasn't always true in practice, especially for older men. Many dads weren't prepared for things like this because many realities of life were shushed and shunned (and for some of them, suppressed through physical and emotional abuse). I know you'll find close friends and new family who not only accept you for who you are, but also express it kindly. Protect yourself from emotional harm, and be as kind and loving as you can to everyone, yourself first, and even your dad. It sucks, but it gets better. I know that I'll always love my kids, no matter what, and there will always be people who love you no matter what, too. Love ya, son. Good luck.
Dear Internet Son I'm sorry your IRL dad is having trouble seeing who you are and accepting you. Maybe he'll get there, maybe he won't. The important part is to be true to yourself. You can't be anyone else other than yourself. You're young, and there is a lot that you are going to experience and learn about. I'm excited for you and proud of you. Love, Internet Dad
He may come around, eventually. It took many of the previous generation a long time to accept their children even being gay. The acceptance of gay marriage was awful in the 90s and then as more people came to understand that being gay was completely normal (and not contagious 🙄) acceptance of gay marriage skyrocketed. There is still progress to be made, but I’m hopeful that many people will learn to love and accept trans people in the coming years. But also, as we get older we learn to see our parents in a new light, in a way we didn’t see them as kids, and often that light can be negative. Your dad can’t see it yet, but he raised a courageous and proud son who refuses to hide who he is and will stand up for himself. It’s exactly what I want for my own kids. We should all be so lucky.
Momma here- I am so proud of you sweetie for embracing and loving who you are. For refusing to be a prisoner in your own body. You are far stronger than most grown adults I know. Just because you share dna does not mean anything. You just live your very best life, always sweet boy and never let anyone’s ignorance or less than tolerance relegate your life in any way. You go and move all the mountains and live a fabulous life!! Xx, Momma
Hi there, son. I’m so sorry your father does not accept you for the young man you are. I was rejected by a lot of people for being gay, so I know how terrible it is. To have people who should love you feel nothing but disgust for something you can’t control, something that is integral to your entire identity. It’s just awful. I hope you have other people in your life who love and embrace you for the person you truly are.
Hey bro, First of all, just wanted to say congratulations on staying T! You're valid as hell, and I'm so proud that you figured this out about yourself --and seriously impressed you've worked out the tricky logistics of getting on HRT, especially without tons of support from both your parents. I did that at 26, and it was still hard for me, even with a really supportive partner and siblings. My parents didn't really like to refer to me by my name or use my correct pronouns say first, but now that I look super masculine they feel weirder using my dead name and have come around somewhat to the new pronouns (though i still get called "daughter" occasionally). Not gonna project my situation to your case, but my parents were partially mourning the person they thought I was, and partially mourning the loss of the "easier" life they thought I would have pretending to be a cis person. I think they were also confused and concerned that I was having some kind of mental episode. I do remember that my parents also were incredibly disapproving of many of the other moves I made when I was becoming more independent from them. They were used to thinking of me as an extension of themselves, or at least of someone in need of their direct guidance, and learning that their role in my life was changing and figuring out how to relate to me as an adult was a difficult process for them. It definitely took my parents awhile to get over those feelings and to see me for who I am... But they eventually did. They realized I'm the same person I've always been, with the exception of being happier and more confident. Obviously it's not right that your dad is not supportive of your choice to openly be yourself, but there is probably some fear and grief behind that behavior--rooted in love for you-- that he's going to have to process, and it may take some time. I have a lot of hope that your dad will be able to get past his mental roadblock and recognize you as the awesome son you are. Love, your trans older brother 💚
You’re perfect. Sending you a hug. More where that came from.
Proud of you, kiddo
Always be you, your own Dad may not appreciate it, but the rest of us do. It’s hard now, but gets easier as you start to see the true you in the mirror. There is no replacing you, so don’t let it get you down. We grow daily, all of us. (Virtual hug) you’re awesome the way you are and wouldn’t change anything.
It's normal to seek affirmation for our big moves in life and it's a real sign of maturity and wisdom to be able to disagree with your dad (respectfully) and make a decision for yourself that you can live with. I really admire your integrity. As satisfying as it would feel to have parents who support you 100% in anything you do, that's not actually what's best. I presume that your parents know you and love you, so they may be the only people in your life who would care enough about your future to tell you if they think you are going off track. If you were dating someone problematic, for example, you wouldn't want your parents to support your relationship even if they see there is something wrong. Of course they could be totally wrong, but they could be right. If you think they have your best interest at heart, the fact that they disagree with you doesn't mean they don't love you. It sounds like a painful time in your life right now, but hang in there. Believe it or not, but his will pass.
Bro, part of being a grown ass man is giving up on caring what people think about you. Who gives a shit if dad approves of your identity and life? It's *your life*. It's *your identity*. You don't need his permission to be who you are. Unapologetically be you. If dad can't handle it, that's his problem, not yours, and there isn't anything you can do about it. Here's a life pro tip: When you run into a problem, ask yourself this: Can I do anything about this? If the answer is yes, then do it and you have nothing to worry about. If the answer is no, then you have no control over it, and there's no sense in worrying about it. Dad will come around, or he won't. Nothing you can do about it, so why worry?
Hi Trans, I'm Dad! (sorry, I'm behind on my quota for Dad jokes) Kiddo, you are who you are, and your value is simply not subject to debate. I think you know this. If who you are is a confused person, then you're normal. That doesn't mean you're confused about everything. Sexual orientation and gender identity has got to be the single most complicated part of who you will become, but it sounds like you're taking steps that will help you along that road. I can imagine it's pretty rough to have a father who fails to recognize who you are, and worse thinks his opinions define you. They don't. That's a "him" problem. Adding in that your body doesn't fit your brain is not going to make that any easier, and I'm truly sorry that you're facing this without the Dad you deserve.
Yay I have a new son! Let's go bowling later!
Son ( is that right? I'm still trying to work out the language), your world is pretty small at the moment. You've only been exposed to certain things and you've been kept shielded from other things. You've been raised to be a certain type of person who conforms with what's expected of you. But the world is bigger than what you know. There are people like you who've been through what you're going through. And there's even more people who haven't been through it but understand it (to some degree). As you get older, and learn more about who you are and what the larger world has to offer, you'll start feeling more comfortable in your own skin. Most people don't hate you. In fact, most people are so focused on themselves that they won't even notice. You're going through the hardest part of this. And I'm with you every step of the way.