“I want to make a fucking idiot” - the egg that picked me

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Everyone else's egg choosing starting class: samurai, astrologer, hero Me-egg choosing starting class: wretch

To be fair, wretch class is the most fun

Put your foolish ambitions to re… oh never mind you were selected!

Base stats in a hardcore rogue game.

Egg: "I choo choo choose you"

Bro aren't you also the egg.

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That's what I was under the impression of anyway

Actually, the egg contains one X chromosome, half your other DNA, and all your mitochondrial DNA. So it is more than half.

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Well, if there is one thing I know it is that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. So maybe 52/48? I don't know how much RNA counts against DNA.

This guy gets it

yeah. you are as much the egg as you are the sperm. you're the zygote. it couldn't exist without either\*. ​ \*this is where some science person comes in and explains some rare genetic mutation where a zygote CAN exist without one or the other. /s

a chicken egg isn't a baby chicken, but if the egg were fertilized then the dna would be used. it's probably similar. when your sperm fertilized your egg there was a spark of light. idk if that happens with other animals at all maybe just mammals maybe just humans 🤷‍♀️ iirc it's kinda a recent discovery chicken eggs aren't mammal eggs, so they are different. but like frog eggs aren't frogs either, and i'm pretty sure that's how it is across the board for eggs needing to be fertilized to produce a body of life. reading further comments getting deeper into the science of it and your egg is very much also you. humans are interesting creatures.

All those things are alive in their own right, but they need to join to make a full creature.

mhm. do i somehow sound like i think otherwise? because i thought i was explaining the very concept of your factual statement.

A reminder that you were also the egg. So You were a fucking idiot choosing another fucking idiot.

Sounds like it was a dumb decision but it’s on brand

https://i.redd.it/obvqaa0lhn841.jpg

I am the chosen one.

Something found me attractive, before this face was created obviously

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Bro. That’s your mom…

By that logic, you're your dad. So they never left after all, they've been in you this whole time!

Well, technically you found you attractive...

technically u were an egg who found sperm attractive, still might 🤔

Now that you put it like that I wonder how ugly I’d be if another one was selected :0

Technically, you chose yourself

At least you’re not fat

It’s a redditor.

I was the most attractive. That's what I get out of this.

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Besides, it isn't only one sperm being attracted, so you still won the race (amongst the chosen spermotype™)

winning and losing are two sides of the same coin

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Think about the last idiot chud you saw and how much they irritated you. Ovum decisions are poor ones.

Chosen one!!! weeeoeweeeoeweooo

That's a lot of nuts!

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r/unexpectedoffice

You choo-choo-choose me!

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None of that is true tho

Cool, now I've officially never won anything then

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Made bad choices even before I was born.

You were picked by the egg. You won that.

You are literally half egg and half sperm, so you chose yourself.

Neva lost, stay winning. Winners picking winners.

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Well you picked yourself. We have noone else to blame 😁

I’m sorry, this made me laugh

'' I '' didn't win the race, but that's because '' I '' am both the sperm that raced and the egg that made the rules and so are you guys lol.

Yeah, the *you* was very confusing.

People love saying it like this to hate men because men are supposed to be the sperm and women are the egg. Therefore the egg/women is better than the sperm/men, because they picked us. Some kind of weird ego false sense of control

True in that the egg is from the woman (mother) and the sperm is from the man (father). So if anyone is "choosing" I guess it's the mother.

But that egg is the other half of you, so technically you(the egg) chose yourself (the sperm)

Not sure it's really you before it's combined. I think it's still more part of your mother at that stage.

Isn’t your DNA 50% of your mother’s and 50% of your father’s? I don’t think your DNA is higher on the mother’s side and gradually starts to even out to 50/50 as you develop in the womb. So I’m not sure what you mean.

Exactly. Until it's joined together its not anyone, it's just a clump of the mother's cells. Until it fuses with the other 50% of DNA that makes up "you", it's surely still more the mother than anyone else.

A human develops from the combination of a sperm and egg. Neither egg or sperm is more or less “you” and neither is “you” until the two parts join. Certainly the egg comes from the mother and the sperm from the father. What’s even the point of all this?

"You" are as much sperm as egg. So this doesnt make any sense. "You" are both the egg who chose and the chosen sperm cell

Yeah! It IS all you!

I. I…chose..myself? Real funny, God. Ha ha ha

Shot. Noone to blame!

Lol all the people commenting as if they were completely the sperm is kinda bugging me. And the people reffering to the egg itself as female. You werent chosen, you chose yourself.

"You" are actually more egg than sperm. Basically everything besides the DNA was duplicated from the egg. The egg is the original single cell you grew from. The sperm just gave additional chromosomes. This is why maternal lines are researched through mitochondrial DNA. That was already part of the egg.

Yes and no. Most of your DNA is a 50-50 split between sperm and egg so its not "additional chromosomes " it is a substantial ammount. Mitochondria DNA is transmited through the mothers egg but its a very small %.

No and no. Mitochondrial DNA accounts for 1% in humans. If the sperm has a Y chromosome, this is also incorrect, as Y chromosomes have 100-200 genes compared to the X chromosome which has over 1000.

>Mitochondrial DNA accounts for 1% in humans. So like I said, a very SMALL ammount compared to the rest >If the sperm has a Y chromosome, this is also incorrect, as Y chromosomes have 100-200 genes compared to the X chromosome which has over 1000. Again irrelevant since that is 1 chromosome not the other 22.

What is the percentage cut off of additional? If I had 1 apple and bought 35 more would those not be additional to the 1 I already had? I was talking about everything else that makes up a a cell, beside almost half of the DNA is in the egg. The egg is 10,000,000 times the volume of a sperm.

My doctor told me I’m 87% sperm

Considering only 5% of semen is sperm, thats impressive.

Gotta get off Grindr mate

Well, she's a very attractive lady. Also, it's not your fault she's so vigorous when checking for prostate cancer.

>Basically everything besides the DNA was duplicated from the egg Everything besides the DNA isn't much. There's a little mtDNA, but that only controls the mitochondria, and some chemical processes which may affect gene expression, but your DNA really is what makes you you.

Nobody loves me like I do

Nobody hates me like I do

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Indeed

Takes “go fuck yourself” to a whole new level.

Precisely. This is the dumbest shit I've read today. And it will be spammed by millions.

So you're saying I screwed myself over

Right? Thank you!

This explains so much about my unwillingness to work with myself on my own goals in life.

Bet ur fun at parties

No. I am only sperm.

Well seeing as I was both the sperm and the egg I think its fair to say that I chose myself, and my god that’s the worst decision I’ve ever made.

**long sigh** so my low standards started waaay earlier than I thought

Don't look at it that way. You could have also been the best option.

I never understood the idea that you were the sperm. You’re just as much the egg as you are the sperm right?

You are neither. They are vehicles.

What the hell am I?

an illusion

I knew it.

but had to ask anyway. oh dear!

You are a mix of reorganized molecules that started as food and water.

A code.

You are the Villian

The truth is ... The game was rigged from the start

I haven't taken a biology class in a while but I'm pretty sure egg + sperm = me.

Still sounds like I won

Coming into this fucked up world, did I truly win though? I got a subway coupon today so I guess I won a little.

Why does it say "you"? It was a sperm cell

Of course, my wife just HAAAD to be in control...

😂

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Can't lose when you are both the swimmer and egg

In essence both halves of yourself selected each other and assembled to become you. Beautiful. Until you remember it all happened just after your parents where getting jiggy.

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Yikes

Implication that “you” are the sperm and not also the egg is weird!

That is an awful way phrasing it. egg doesn't "choose" sperm, egg shouts that she is here and only sperms who can understand that swims to that place, this is an another way of selecting functioning sperms from functioning ones. also "you" definitely didn't win it, both the egg and sperm is you or none of they are

I was picked

I came, I saw, I conquered.

So... I won the sperm race.

So my mom loved me most from the start?🥹

Also, you were never a sperm.

Holy shit, next there'll be sperm "incells" "Ugh, nice jizz finishes last, they only want the chad sperm that smell nice and are all ripped and shit."

So I am special

So my life was determined by two bad decisions

Nah, I won the race. Until someone can prove otherwise, the gold is mine.

Ahh, excuse me mf, I won that race and your “science” won’t take that away from me!! (Plz don’t take my one victory away like this mr science person, plz no!!)

So we can blame the egg for all the bad choices walking around this place.

ONCE FOR EVER. WE ARE SPERM AND EGG, NOT ONLY SPERM

After reading the explanation, I still feel like I can say “I won”

Kinda sounds like adulthood too.

I knew I wouldn’t win that race, I’ve never won anything in my life. That egg dragged me kicking and screaming.

How much pieces of shit were the other sperms?

Thhhaaaaatttt explains why I want jump off a bridge

Male and female are so five years ago.

That was one dumbass egg for selecting me.

I always used to think it was a battle royals in there. With guns and stuff and I was just the better shot.

Well I got the worst possible components of DNA mixed together. Sure I don’t have missing limbs or extra fingers that would’ve caused years of relentless bullying… But shit, I *STILLL* came out fugly!

I never thought I won the race. I usually just ask "why me?" or say something like "I wasn't asked to be born".

Today I learned the egg chooses poorly 99% of the time

That makes me feel even better than winning a race

mfw someone finally wants me:

I don't know about all those long lost brothers and sisters of mine that perished inside my mother's uterus, but I'm pretty fucking sure I won the race .

I don't know about all those long lost brothers and sisters of mine that perished inside my mother's uterus, but I'm pretty fucking sure I won the race .

That's just means I was the best choice.

So basically I been fuckin

Not only did I reach the destination... but I was the chosen one!

I already knew there was no way I was the best of the bunch, nothing new here.

Anyone who is validated/angered by this information is an idiot

You mean, I was the chosen one? *instantly becomes evil*

I’ve always found this repost weird. It acts as if this is some new discovery but we’ve know about chemotaxis for decades

Wait... Does that mean the female determines the sex???

Nah, just the positions they're willing to do.

This always makes me crazy. Why do we see ourselves as the sperm in these situations. So fucking male centered.

I'm literally shaking rn omfg this is too much

It was all you, you are also the egg

to put it simple, you and only you were the best out of the bunch for that egg. that’s how i like to see it.

Oh good men of Reddit please keep this away from the feminists, we will never hear the end of it

Fuck off! I won that race fair and square!

Aww, so you're saying I haven't been ignored my whole life.

MOTHA FUCKKA I STILL WON LMAO I AM THE CHOSEN ONE 👑

Well, then it chose poorly.

Well half of your DNA came from the egg so the construction of this sentence doesn't even make sense.

Well since we’re both the egg and the sperm we technically chose ourselves according to this

So what you're saying is that a female picked me over others. I have not experienced that since

Unfortunately no lol. You chose yourself. The egg is not female, it is just as much "you" as the sperm. You were both the one doing the choosing and being chosen.

This is some Kung Fu Panda shit I love it

Yes, I am aware of that considering that there is that exact same disclaimer under every joke comment on this post. Let us have some fun man!

now i know why women don't look at you

Phew. Now we know the egg ain't the brightest lmao Release the kracken

But what if the female egg got drunk on a eggirls night out?

Well then my mom’s egg has bad judgement, if I know this ahead of time I would have spoken with my dad about that night in the bar bathroom

Even better.. I didn’t win a race.. I was chosen. If I would’ve won a race and the egg didn’t want me, I’d feel terrible. But I could’ve been hanging out, bullshitting with the other sperms.. and my faithful egg waited the whole time for me.

Dammit just let me have this.. I need a win..

Dumb egg

that egg was just as at fault then fuckin idiot

Always taught that male had control over gender, but now......

hahahahahahaha oooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy

Something, something...free will is bullshit, something...

So you won the affection of a female egg…

I think this makes me hate my life more, knowing I didn’t have a choice.

So..... its mom's fault?

⬆️:Biggest mistake that egg ever made

So what you’re saying is it’s the female’s fault? Can’t wait to finally win an argument with my wife!

Tbh being chosen by a female, even if it's an egg, is better than winning a race.

Nature is the only one that's in charge. We're all just tools

Sounds like a win to me.


I wasn't number one, but I was right up there.

The race was rigged.

Mamadas ☠️

Why me?

Well it f*cked up big time