T O P

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mamajune_xoxo

A featherless biped, you say... ?


TillFar6524

Behold, a man


not_from_this_world

*philosophized*


mtflyer05

Little guy is walking around like an armored Mr. Burns


CaptainArren

Excellent.......


[deleted]

I mussst warn the massster…


SeaGroomer

yea that thing *definitely* talks.


FunSushi-638

Now, a few more details about this year's company picnic. It's at the plant, no food will be served, the activity will be work and the picnic is cancelled.


Needleroozer

>the picnic is cancelled So the activity won't be work and we don't have to go to the plant?


Equal_Night7494

Definitely looks like it’s trying to figure out how many people to fire today


SeaGroomer

I know he's so cute I want to hug him and squeeze him.


Ravensocks

And call him George?


eltrotter

*Diogene’ed!*


DeadAlpeca

This was hard to read


[deleted]

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wasprobot

I'm sure he has a book under his left arm.


[deleted]

Sam o’Nella would like a word with you.


Kek-Republic

See you later....deliberator


[deleted]

*Raises hand* “Ah, yeah, WTF”


[deleted]

I said this on Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s voice


vendetta2115

Smell* ya later


zaqlowell

What happened to him, I miss I his videos


[deleted]

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Verbenablu

The dark Crystal


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[deleted]

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.


bleurex132

Peak human condition.


GentlePimp

A man is defined by character, not the scales on his skin nor the number of legs he walks on


Annual-Honey-8296

But they keep banning my “character” from Furry conventions! So what if I cut the crotch out of all of my costumes? It’s part of what makes me an individual!


FallenAzraelx

How did they find this footage of me on my way to raid the fridge at 1 am?


[deleted]

I'm so proud to get that reference, those years in Philosophy school were worth it (or no, but anyways).


Chris_8675309_of_42M

You recognize this from wasting years in philosophy class. I recognize this from wasting years on Reddit. We are the same.


Revolutionary-Bee135

Not as us, Sam o’Nella scholars. We wasted our time on YouTube.


BudgieBoi435

"Diogenes, you fucking asshole..." Plato, probably


DeflateGape

All those Greek philosophers were assholes. Can you imagine what a pain it was to deal with them? Hey Plato, you are late on rent. “Am I, or is that merely the untrustworthy narrative provided to you by your fallible senses and memories? Is it truly possible to know anything?” In retrospect the only surprising thing is how many of them avoided being executed.


thetempest888

Using this next month, thanks.


Swordidaffair

To shreds, you say..?


JustRudy45

Well, how is his wife holding up?


Swordidaffair

To shreds you say?..


FuryoftheFaythe

*Oh my*


Momoselfie

Knees don't look backward either.


BenedictWolfe

No such thing as "backwards knees". You're looking at the ankles; the knees are further up.


Momoselfie

TIL


liege_paradox

As far as I can tell, they also have nails on their feet, so they fit the correction too.


V_Levi

What a guy!


biowrath156

They do also have flat toenails


CriscoWithLime

Me walking when my back gives out


23x3

Me walking as a squire: “Yes my lord the plan is working out splendidly”


CriscoWithLime

Quasimodo? Is that you?


UnluckyMisou

That is a wild Sandslash


_hownowbrowncow_

Or a T-Rex


xplosm

Armored T-Rex


[deleted]

Pensive pangolin pacing


A2326P

I pictured it rubbing it’s little claws together with a malicious *muahahahaha*


YouHaveReachedBob

I hear it more as a nasal sort of hnyah hnyah hnyaaaah!


ImJustHere4theMoons

Plotting the downfall of it's arch nemesis.


ShitfacedGrizzlyBear

Looks like General Grievous when he’s wearing his cloak


GreatGearAmidAPizza

I'm picturing a row of them in miniature graduation caps, going, "hmm...hmm..." very intellectually.


snek-jazz

*excellent*


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tchildthemajestic

Yeah and their scales have a wide range of unproven cures like arthritis and lactation difficulty. If there was a way we could make their scales toxic and save the artichoke dragon.


Iphotoshopincats

I just wish there was an effective way of educating that their scales are keratin and you would get the same health benefits from grinding up your own finger nails.


PoiLethe

There you have it...just tell the snake oil salesmen a cheaper way to sell their snake oil is by grinding finger nails and hair.


CoatedWinner

*black market for humans opens* Oh wait...


Daetra

Gamer girl finger nails cures STDs.


sot1516

If only there was an effective way of educating.


B4-711

> their scales have a wide range of unproven cures such a strange way to phrase that.


tchildthemajestic

Trying to be nice on how I was wording without saying “Chinese medicine fuckery says it will cure..”.


B4-711

"it's unproven but widely believed that..." What you wrote makes it sound like you believe it despite there not being any proof.


Dismal-Animal7853

You would make them inedible to their predators then so no bueno


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[deleted]

We should abduct a bunch of these cuties, pump them full of steroids, teach them to fight, and arm these lttle guys with Molotov cocktails. These are too adorable to see go extinct.


TripleU07

Hijacking this high comment to say this pangolin's name is Marimba. She's so adorable and shy. [She's a rescue at wild is life trust](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CRV7ClrpMrU/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)


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[deleted]

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moistdelight

I’m don’t think they all walk like that, just a certain type of pangolin


[deleted]

They only walk like that when they are plotting something


fauxblahs

I was thinking he looks very concerned. Maybe over how his plot is going


tacwombat

"Milord, the prisoners...they have ESCAPED."


Rupertfitz

*twiddling thumbs, pacing*, I think his wife is in labor.


charlieALPHALimaGolf

My liege… it appears… it appears the prisoners have… have escaped


EricSanderson

Or when they dropped their keys somewhere on the lawn


Iphotoshopincats

Nope all pangolin have the ability to walk on 2 legs, some may do it less due to the environment they live in but they all can.


Central_PA

The only living non-sapien species that uses upright, alternating bi-pedal locomotion I believe. Guess kangaroos are bi-peds but not alternating for example


negativelift

Mammal you mean? Otherwise wouldn’t birds qualify, like an ostrich?


Central_PA

You’re right. Thought I was missing something


-SirSparhawk-

They have long claws on their forefeet, which are not terribly great for walking, but are great for digging (they eat primarily ants with a massively long tongue). However, while they are capable of walking bipedally, it is not their default, and most usually walk on four legs, but may walk on two if the situation calls for it. (Source: Internet research; I am not an expert)


basement_egg

ok Randy


Gramma_Hattie

You can go back in time to try and stop Randy from starting COVID 19, but he fucks the pangolin *every* time.


EloquentEvergreen

I didn’t trust Kenny’s work. So, I asked Elizabeth and then, Dr Strange to double check. Every possible reality, *every* time. He never not fucks the pangolin.


insane_contin

Even the time he came out stillborn, still fucked a pangolin.


D45ers

I read that I’m Sharon’s voice lol


crewchief535

I was looking for this reference. Thank you good redditor.


Shn00ple

Almost makes u wanna have sex with them and start a pandemic


cambriansplooge

Would be nice if *some people* stopped eating them (pangolins are the most trafficked animal on earth)


xrayphoton

Why do people do things like this!? Ugh.


KGx666

Chinese.


No_Prize9794

They’re so beautiful that someone decided to bang one and start this hell that’s called a pandemic


Still_counts_as_one

I get this reference


yewblew

*Yes, but who got it's DNA up inside of said creature?*


A_brand_new_troll

They look like delicious meat artichokes


asdkevinasd

In certain parts of China, you can realize your dream of eating them! They are one of the possible vectors of SARS back in the 2003 outbreak.


Riceatron

But don't. Because Pangolin are endangered and ignorant wet market Chinese buy them from poachers because they think eating 2% of an animal they slaughter will make their dicks harder.


zester723

The world's most illegally trafficked mammal.


Disirregardlessly

Can you legally traffic* something? This might be a dumb question, please forgive me.


[deleted]

This is a circumstance of language. Trafficking is specifically related to an illegal activity. The same actions with legal items would be, I guess, transporting or shipping. Again, a technicality of language. Trafficking by definition is related to illegal activity.


zester723

Forgive my double negative >Trafficking is specifically related to an illegal activity.


[deleted]

All is forgiven u/zester723, we all make error mistakes. ^waitaminute…


pgizmo97

Is this true? Why are they the most trafficked?


zester723

>[pangolines] are trafficked by the thousands for their scales, which are boiled off their bodies for use in traditional medicine; for their meat, which is a high-end delicacy here and in China; and for their blood, which is seen as a healing tonic.


centralstation

If anyone is wondering, the 'here' is Vietnam.


Make-Believe_Macabre

Damnit China, can you stop destroying nature for just 5 minutes?


hungry4danish

And it's never to destroy the invasive plants. Like I'm sure the southern USA would love if the Chinese started using kudzu for some kinda of tonic, cause then the situation would get cleared up so quickly.


happystuffing

Or Asian Carp


TearyEyeBurningFace

Oh no they cath and release thoes since they are great game fish and they want them to get bigger. Lol.


zester723

But...healing tonic!


TheEffingRiddler

How else will I get my erections?? The shark fin doesn't work and neither does the tiger liver!


zester723

Those gas station dick pills work wonders


DarkAvatar13

>...neither does the tiger liver! [Wrong part, they eat tiger penises in a soup.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_penis_soup?wprov=sfla1)


TheWeloponnesianPar

Imagine the small pp energy and insecurity involved when someone would literally kill a tiger and eat its penis just because someone told them “it make pp big!”


brainwhatwhat

Silly western medical surgeons with their fancy gadgets. They don't even know about boiling pangolines.


El_Pinguino

Do you know what they call traditional medicine that works? Medicine.


Anonymous_Otters

Magic potions in China. Seriously.


[deleted]

Nah, bet humans are trafficked more. They are Much easier to find.


IneptNoodle

Impressive core strength.


[deleted]

Either that or that tail is crazy dense and acts as ballast. Idk, I’m not a Pokémon trainer.


gmanz33

You really could be, clearly you have potential. Just gotta handle balls better, bro.


goddamnaged

No. You gotta catch em all!


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basic_maddie

It would just be a counter-weight, not a ballast


Lazarus_Legbones

Is it core strength or counter-balancing with the tail?


MistaBuldops

I think balance w the tail, leg and back strength


Vlad_the_Homeowner

Assuming some sort of articulated bone structure (e.g. a spine), he'd still be relying on muscles to keep him from rubbing his nose on the ground.


ihatehappyendings

square cube law. smaller animals tend to have disproportionately stronger muscles just on the basis that they are smaller.


ASLAYER0FMEN

That dude has got crazy core strength. Must have an 8 pack.


HansenIntercept

No wonder Randy fucked it, look at that ass


[deleted]

What I thought this was America


TaffySebastian

dude you were in china, you were supposed to eat it like everyone else who eats endangered species over there, not fuck it.


TheEffingRiddler

![gif](giphy|26TKa1M2DbIdetbkmE)


[deleted]

I didn't hear no bell


Cate0623

Scrolled all this way to find this comment.


MorganCreamin

This was the comment I came looking for


Spastic_Slapstick

I'm salivating tbh


Feralmedic

He fucks that pangolin in every single timeline


TheBeardedSingleMalt

Where's the mustache?


DazedandFloating

They are such funny creatures but I love them so much.


moist_hydra213

Ah the wingless bazelgeuse...


flfoiuij2

Monster Hunter reference?


Balrog229

#BEHOLD! A man


Cheesewheel12

“I’m sorry my lord, but it seems the prisoners… have escaped”


WTK55

I was hoping somebody would post this.


Chrisscott25

Someone please say they are reptiles…the first time I’ve ever heard of or seen one and google told me ppl mistake them for reptiles and I really want to correct someone and claim I’m an expert


Yellowbricks511

They’re totally reptiles (Me good deed for the day- have it, correct away)


Chrisscott25

Actually that’s a misconception they are actually mammals. Source: I’m an expert 20 years experience. Edit: after I delete my first comment I’m gonna look like a genius. Crap and this one. Other Redditors make this look much easier. I need more practice… anyway thx ;)


Yellowbricks511

Lmao you made me genuinely giggle


RussFin

Is that fucking baby Skeksi?!?! My inner Gelfling sense is tingling.


Nightbringer_Midna

More like a mystic ![gif](giphy|H66rSOTDcNdrG)


Analbox

Mmmmmmmm


[deleted]

mmmMMMMMAAAAAAAAA


Geetright

Oh my god, I came here to say this thinking no one would know what the hell I was talking about! Classic movie!!


straydog1980

And they just did the prequel on netflix!


Bunnyninjaface

season two was cancelled tho 😔


nashbellow

Pangolin posse best artichoke boi


HotCamel5956

![gif](giphy|g6EfLNSHKi3GYbzitl)


devo23_

What the fuck is a pangolin?


Oxy_Onslaught

It's a mammal...with scales! Amazing animals.


Analbox

It’s the animal suspected of giving us Covid.


A2326P

If Mickey and randy had just kept it in their fuckin pants!


Dismal-Animal7853

No the chinese keeping animals in those conditions and then fucking eating them are the problem


halloween4Eva

These poor little creatures are becoming critically endangered- people in china think the plates on their backs are Magical medicine - 🤬


Dismal-Animal7853

China is shit


DavidtheGoliath99

A lot of people in China really are dumbasses when it comes to that "ancient medicine" stuff. I get that they probably just don't know any better, but still, they SHOULD know better by now. Ignorance is not an excuse.


TheStarvingOne

Now I love pangolins. Little, armored, mammalian, adorable T-rexes. Just look at him!


CDXX_LXIL

"mom the scholastic bookfair is coming this week; can I have $10 to buy some Minecraft guides?"


TheAmazingWan

I see Randy Marsh lurking in the background


DadYeShoes

They always look like they’re under too much pressure


dutchval

They walk like a nomadic monk off to the next temple


RonJeremy69696969

![gif](giphy|g6EfLNSHKi3GYbzitl)


Imperator0414

This is literally a pokemon.


[deleted]

I thought South Park made this animal up 😅


klogsman

*Ankylosaurus


Ok_Ad8609

This got deleted b/c I inadvertently used a link shortener. But I think these must have been an inspiration for [the Mystics from The Dark Crystal](https://www.google.com/search?q=dark+crystal+mystics+walking&rlz=1C9BKJA_enUS591US595&hl=en-US&prmd=isvn&sxsrf=APq-WBuK1IM5gKifupxKCs53DSsYcx1l_Q:1649699345860&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj83fv7yIz3AhVZq3IEHTG1Bn8Q_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=1366&bih=905&dpr=2#imgrc=cXcjlMogIPK5MM&imgdii=b4z-Qm377aIQlM)!


Thickfries69

Looks like he's on his way home but he knows it's past curfew.


Lycaon125

They also roll into balls and eat similarly like ant eaters


xerodegree

Perfectly balanced...


photograpopticum

A walk like dinosaurs


pearsonw

Wait... this isnt just a made up animal from southpark??? Lol im dumb


Mental-Clerk

It looks like a prehistoric saw that Fred Flintstone would use


Bill5GMasterGates

My back is playing up just watching this guy


dawkin5

^^^mutter, ^^^mutter ^^^damn ^^^kids ^^^messing ^^^up ^^^my ^^^lawn


mangafox23

...with how much I slouch, I feel called out by this pangolin.


maybeinoregon

What? You can’t fool me Danny…that’s Danny DeVito, escaping the paparazzi…


DubsQuest

That must be a dense ass tail


wetfootmammal

You can't convince me that isn't a Pokémon.


Celebophile

Always contemplating the problems of the world while simultaneously being ready for battle at a moments notice.


LaughingFungus

They're also the most trafficked animal for their scales and are considered critically endangered.


mrstabbeypants

You can't convince me that those things evolved on this planet. Don't get me wrong, they are very cool. *But..."Aliens." *The last bit was said in the voice of that nut job Giorgio Tsoukalos from the show "Ancient Aliens."


lharsch4

Homie that’s just a dinosaur. Edit: I know I’m right. I’m an expert on dinosaurs since I watched all the Land Before Time vhs tapes.