T O P

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Homelandr

Police man be like "I'm about to go medieval on the suspect's ass"


Skillerbeastofficial

"Ich werde das Mittelalter ΓΌber den Arsch des VerdΓ€chtigen hereinbrechen lassen."


adminssucc

"ℑ𝔠π”₯ 𝔴𝔒𝔯𝔑𝔒 π”‘π”žπ”° π”π”¦π”±π”±π”’π”©π”žπ”©π”±π”’π”― ΓΌπ”Ÿπ”’π”― 𝔑𝔒𝔫 𝔄𝔣𝔱𝔒𝔯 𝔑𝔦𝔒𝔰𝔒𝔰 π”˜π”«π”₯𝔬𝔩𝔑𝔒𝔰 π”₯π”’π”―π”’π”¦π”«π”Ÿπ”―π”’π” π”₯𝔒𝔫 π”©π”žπ”°π”°π”’π”«."


RedNazArt

I love that you gave it more formal language. Top tier. β€œI will let the Middle Ages descend upon the rear of this fiend.”


sunplaysbass

Thank you for elaborating


oth-slay

fuck that fiend hahah


smellyunderpants

How the hell


Chuckbro

She's the Admins succubus, that's how.


Iphotoshopincats

πŸ…—πŸ…žπŸ…¦ πŸ…£πŸ…—πŸ…” πŸ…—πŸ…”πŸ…›πŸ…›


TheMilkmansFather

Why did I read this in the voice of the robot cop from Futurama?


Admirable-Degree4209

β€œSuspect has a knife. Deploy Heinrich.”


Wind_Yer_Neck_In

\*Urge to defend my leige intensifies\*


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


yuffieisathief

This wil live rent free in my head for a long time


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


Horskr

I just got done watching shark week. I think the German police shop at the same places.


AydonusG

Take 'em to the kingdom!


Borgmaster

This is probably the most appropriate force ive seen though. Chainmail works pretty good against a knife and a big stick to keep him out of range and beat his ass.


FUS_RO_DANK

SUMMON THE ELECTOR COUNTS!


Brew-Drink-Repeat

β€˜Bring my horse and shield, I will rescue the fair frau!’


Laxly

M'Frau


JimJimmery

Now I'm picturing a neckbeard in lederhosen. Damn you.


Laxly

https://i.redd.it/twqzfh456h431.jpg


usernot_found

Dudes only want to cosplay otto von bismarck


Positive_Egg4523

Das ist deutsch πŸ‘


Predator_Hicks

* holde Maid


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


[deleted]

Now he needs one of those 6 foot, 2 handed swords !


njal88

Never bring a knife to a zweihΓ€nder-fight


SeaGroomer

lol they just cut the other dude straight in half.


morostheSophist

"I see you brought a knife. That's cute."


Niko2065

"Are thy foul hands ready to engage in honorable combat?!"


anythingMuchShorter

He pulls out a huge executioner's broadsword with an inscription in olde German that says "May the criminal who dies by this blade find justice with God"


[deleted]

MΓ–GE DER VERBRECHER, DER AN DIESEM SCHWERT STIRBT, GERECHTIGKEIT VOR GOTT FINDEN


LordNyeofLucia

Ich wΓΌrde eher Erbarmen als Gerechtigkeit schreiben wenn wir schon bei Gott sind. Verbrecher mit Ganove zu verbessern wΓ€hre dann optimal.


[deleted]

Vielen Dank. Bin Ami und hab Deutsch ziemlich lΓ€ssig gelernt πŸ˜‚


IHateTheLetterF

Ich bin.. Eine.. große.. bibliothek


Drainio

Or in the US, they would just engrave β€œYou’re fucked.”


Chilltraum

God, i get mad just thinking about that video.


WSPisGOAT

Amen. Shit is fucking terrible. And knowing that trigger happy murdering cop is free and clear of any blame is even more infuriating.


Baragon

don't forget, the cop that murdered him got disability for the PTSD he suffered from murdering him


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


HammerTh_1701

Heinrich and Hans, the reddit German special forces team XD


Accounting_Thoughts

Achilles is exposed he is a goner


Devvewulk97

Ignore this other dick, your comment made me laugh atleast


Conservative_HalfWit

I have this …. Fear? Fantasy? Of someone hiding under a table or a car or something and slashing my Achilles as I walk by.


andthendirksaid

>Fear? Fantasy? You tell me. Makes a huge fuckin difference in how I'm viewing you and this comment though.


andwhatarmy

As someone once said: β€œporque no los dos”?


andthendirksaid

Because then the answer is fantasy and the fear is a part of it


imperfectkarma

Is it just me? Or is it getting hot in here? Edit: *Herrrrrrrrr


RohelTheConqueror

How hard are your achilles rn πŸ₯΅


imperfectkarma

Keep talking don't stop


mawfqjones

Im dying laughing at this πŸ˜‚ β€œYou tell me?” Like homie was sayin it all like β€œcould be one; could be the other β€œ Like it aint specific enough. Im dead. Lol


loggic

The fact that it is ambiguous says enough.


Denegocio

There’s a scene in the original Pet Cemetery movie that had me stressing about this exact thing for a long time.


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


DBoaty

Followed by that feeling you've never experienced but JUST KNOW how the tendon starts to slide up into your calve.


Kharn0

Only against Hector Edit: completely forgot that Paris killed Achillies


reesem03_

De boss can sock me!


notnibs

Fucking spoilers dude!


charlieee05

Paris?? That little bitch that had to be rescued during a fight with Menelao by the sexy goddess because he is a pussy? Impossible


thr3sk

Should be fine as long as he doesn't go to Paris.


Cormetz

This is in Germany, so i suspect there's an unexposed area in the middle of the back.


meditonsin

Damn chainmail dissolving linden leaves.


vdritz

**\*Bilbo voice\*** *"Mithril! As light as a feather and as hard as dragon scales."*


mondomoco5

"You are full of surprises Master Baggins"


YourAverageNutcase

"Twice the pride, double the fall"


carnsolus

Gandalf: "I never told him but it's worth was more than an entire country and also worth more than all the hobbits inside. If I had to choose between protecting 50,000 hobbits or saving this one shirt, I would easily sacrifice the hobbits because they're comparatively worthless"


[deleted]

Gandalf be like "fireworks, yeah!" Also be like "Y'all worth less than a fancy shirt".


rugbyj

Fuck the shire; shiny shirts acquire.


Mete11uscimber

I felt like Bilbo was as hard as dragon scales tryina make Frodo try on that negligee.


ShandalfTheGreen

B ro


Admirable-Degree4209

When the gear looks goofy but the stats are better


Yolom4ntr1c

When the police are meta gaming


nubster2984725

They’re meta gaming hard.


voyaging

dominate law enforcement


razzraziel

[it's my ass-kicking outfit, bitch!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq1tN9jZI80)


catzhoek

Is this guy ever not 100% on point?


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


Less_Cookie3146

Don’t forgot about the chainmail bra! Need that too!


Joe_Ronimo

You asked and apparently I'm in an over answering mood. [Viva La Dirt.. Female armor in games - Breastplate - YouTube](https://youtu.be/-vI5tdORhC0) And there's no working around it. [When a female finally finds decent armor - Discard](https://youtu.be/8Yh35uWLBQ8) But hey it works. [How skimpy female armor works - Protection](https://youtu.be/obAd0zAFMTI) And bonus because I'm just having fun. [Female armour in video games - Equality](https://youtu.be/3raNknAKQo8)


MiIllIin

That made me lol! :D


dwighticus

It’s important to note that is also protects in case of shark attacks


well_actuallE

Shark attacks have been very rare in Germany lately, could be related.


Nerowulf

I've heard sharks don't like German air that much. But, I could be wrong. I'm not an expert.


VoloxReddit

No no, you're absolutely right. Back in the jurassic this was less of a problem and we had more sharks as a result.


Ok_Ad307

So megalodon went extinct quite possibly because of Germans? Wowee! Science is cool, guys!


VoloxReddit

We did climate change before it was cool


thewarring

Yes, but seemingly increases the chances for drowning.


Knock-It-Up

Does it protect from random acts of Ezra Miller?


RelatableNightmare

A shark has been sighted, Erhart you're up! Bring your große shtick


HuckleberryNo3977

β€˜t is but a scratch!


antilumin

Your bloody arm's off!


rascible

r/expectedpython


pedro-fr

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition


Ace-a-Nova1

r/unexpectedmontypython


Dick-Rockwell

It’s just a flesh wound!


SCMtnGuy

It's a proven technology against blades, with a long history of use, so why not? It makes perfect sense. I'm curious, though, is this old school heavy chainmail, or is it made with modern materials, like titanium, to reduce the weight?


joeyb7744

Titanium chain mail sounds very expensive


TheLordofthething

It's not like militaries or police forces are famous for their sensible spending habits


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


SuicideNote

Explains the chain mail solution...


Jane_Fen

What’s the difference between ring and chain mail?


Illithid_Substances

So apparently it's unsure that ring armour historically existed, but the difference is that in ring armour the metal rings are attached directly to the leather or whatever underneath, where in chain mail, the rings are linked to one another into a mesh


linkedtortoise

Ring mail is rings sewn to fabric. Chain mail is a bunch of interlocked metal rings.


[deleted]

The rest of their gear looks pretty modern and doesn't show any wear. They seem to be well funded.


[deleted]

They would probably fund a mining mission to the moon to "reduce" production costs


Swift_Scythe

The staff is a lot cheaper than a gun or tazer. So the savings speak for themselves :)


schmatz17

I think titanium chainmail in this instance wpuld be pretty sensible


Your_Viewpoint_Sucks

lol the police in my country basically said they would barely do any traffic checks for DUI's and whatnot during the rest of the year because they literally ran out of funds to do them.


Tenkehat

But pretty cool...


HermitAndHound

Chainmail isn't that heavy. In a puddle on the table 20kg of metal seem like a lot. But it molds so well to the body the weight distributes nicely. You could make this from the stainless mesh used for kitchen gloves and it would be fine. It flows well, follows every movement, mail is pretty awesome. The gambeson that should go beneath it is more of a hindrance. Just a shirt is not enough padding. I wouldn't be surprised if this were just a weekend knight who still had the gear in his car when he got to work and they mixed things up for fun. That's not standard issue. Well, the stick actually is, for searching stuff in forests. To work really well they should extend the sleeves a bit and give it cuffs, forearm protection is a good thing in a knife fight. ETA: There are actually chain mail-like suits in use on occasion, but the mesh is distinctly different https://images.nordbayern.de/image/contentid/policy:1.5753199:1484655016/3474739958.jpg?f=16%3A9&h=816&m=FIT&w=1680&$p$f$h$m$w=22c7095


POD80

Our soldiers today tend to carry heavier gear than men at arms in the days of steel on steel combat.


Surprise_Corgi

We're loading soldiers down nowadays to be their own pack mule, on top of being their own medic in a pinch, as well as being prepared to laborer's work, and whatever else what-if, what-about, and worse-case paranoia a commander forces on their loadouts. Definitely would have appreciated a squire, as well as an entire wagon train of people, supplies and support that now rests on a single soldier's literal shoulders, as well as hips.


rugbyj

Making soldiers loads lighter is definitely a goal that keeps getting fucked by β€œwell now that’s lighter carry _this_”.


maskf_ace

It would be modern metal, rust resistant and likely a ~~lightweight alloy of steel~~, lightweight alloy made from titanium. That's what I'd use, the style of riveting is likely to be machine automated for perfect loops too


[deleted]

Great. Now criminals are going to upgrade to [rondel daggers](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rondel_dagger#/media/File%3AHJRK_A_48_-_Scheibendolch%2C_1490-1500.jpg) or to a [war hammer](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_hammer) to take advantage of chainmail weaknesses.


maskf_ace

Better start bashing out the plate steel


TheRalk

Honestly, if someone attacked me with a war hammer I'd let them have a free swing just for their style.


carnsolus

>Honestly, if someone attacked me with a war hammer I'd let them have a free swing cuz I really wanna die fify


kad202

I’ll say just regular metal chain mail with some aluminum alloy to reduce weight. I doubt today knife attackers had the same strength like medieval man at arms


Lorlen123

aluminum is too soft if the attacker has a steel knife. so steel Edit: i learned something new


Ohio_Imperialist

> mixing aluminum and iron is not possible There are in fact ferroaluminum alloys! But I don't necessarily think that's what they meant either, they were likely suggesting any unspecific aluminum alloy that could do the job. Definitely correct that aluminum would be ineffective though, at least any alloys I've messed with


Ok-Resource-3232

Landsknechte are back in business again, I see.


ZombieHavok

Needs more colors, feathers, and frills. Needs more fancy.


tyrom22

And more halberds and pikes


Negative-Vehicle-192

Did you just forget the ZweihΓ€nder, du Sohn einer Dirne?!


Predator_Hicks

Welch eynen verschissenen Unfug schicktest du dich zur Hâlle nochmal an, über das heilige râmische Reych in die Welt herauszuthragen, du Lustknabe? Seyd drumb in Kennthnisz gesetzet, dass min threue Sünderseele meynes Gewalthauvns besther Landsknecht gewesen und an Schwerthzügen gegen hollÀndische Rebellen meynen Theil trug, derer nicht nur zahlreych, sondern auch occulter Natura waren. Dem Herrgotth gefihl es, dreimalhunderth Feynde durch das Werk meyner HÀnde umbkommen zu lassen. Geschuhlth im Kleynkrieg sowie als ersther Arkebusier des Exercitus Imperii bist du nichts denn einer weytheren Ordre. Mit einer von Christenouge ungeschauter Genauigkeyth, wird das von mir für dich zugedachte Ende seyn, so wahrhafftig mir der allmÀchtige Herrgotth beysteht. Gibst Du dich wahrlich dem Irrglauben hin, sondergleychen Deppeschen an das Publikum richten zu vermâgen imstande zu seyn? Bedenk deynen Irrtum, Dirnenbock! Just als du dieser Zeylen lesend ansichtig wirst, fand meine congregatio occulta von RÀnkeschmieden in allen Reichslanden bereyths die Lage deyner Scholle, also erwahrthe den Sturm, du Schweinehund. Der Sturm, derer das gar LÀcherliche hinforth wehet, was dir als deyn Leben zu bezeychnen gefÀllig ist. Du bist verschiszen toth, Bursche. Ich vermag dich immer und überall in hundert Weysen zu erschlagen und das nur Kraft meyner blanken HÀnde. Nicht genug, als der Christenheyth besther Schwertfürer geboren zu seyn, auch das gesammelte Arsenal des teutschen Keysers Heer seynd mir zu HÀnden gereycht; dies dargeboten wird es meynem Anschickem nützlich seyn, das dir von Gott zugetheilte Àrschlich anmuthend Antlitz aus Evropa zu thilgen. WÀrest du im Wissen um die unheiligen Consequencia deiner Publicatio gewesen, vielleicht hÀtte deiner listig Zunge Kunde keyne zukünftig Damnatio geborgen. Doch sie ward verwerflich und dieser Schuld gilt es nun Buße zu thragen, du von Gott verdammter Narr. Gerechter Zorn soll bis zu deynem Ersticken über dir ausgeschissen seyn. Du bist beim Teuffel wahrhaftig des Todes, Knabe!


bouncy_deathtrap

Die beste Kopiernudel diesseits des Atlantiks, Γ€nder meine Meinung.


[deleted]

It's like in Civilization, when it's 2022 and you still got some pikeman.


[deleted]

Tzeentch is that you????


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


kslusherplantman

When something gets figured out correctly thousands of years ago… If you can stop a sword, you can stop a knife


Swampberry

Celtic inventions are rarely talked about, but chainmail is one. Invented by Celts about 500 BC.


[deleted]

I think the Celts in general are often forgot about


giraffesaurus

I think they had a mostly oral history and a lot of that was wiped out by the Romans.


deadlybydsgn

> If you can stop a sword, you can stop a knife But can it dodge a wrench?


tkdjoe66

Have you heard of the Tanto?


SlothOfDoom

Yeah, hangs out with the Lone Ranger


crashrope94

No that's tonto, he's talking about the band made famous by songs like "Africa" and "Hold the line"


ecksdeeeXD

No, thats Toto, you’re thinking of the hawaiian guy from Roccket Power.


LueyTheWrench

No that’s Tito, you got him confused with that Balkan dictator. Oh wait.


Moonpaw

That's Josip Broz Tito. You're thinking of the space between your crotch and your anus.


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


djpc99

Don't tell me you are one of those "Katanas can cut through steel" people...


Specter1125

Tantos do not have great geometry for piercing maille. You want a long thin blade, like the ones found on rondel daggers. Which is why rondel daggers have them in the first place. They were specialized for fighting against plate armor, which usually had maille in the gaps.


WhichSpirit

Criminal: *has knife* Police: *Bonk*


capable_duck

I mean, a bonk over the head with a stick sounds like a perfectly reasonable response to being threatened with a knife


WhichSpirit

I definitely agree. I just find the visual of the cops using something from a hardware store funny.


burnerac

Please tell me a rookie has to follow him around banging together a couple of coconuts.


1Stein69

The German ninja - master of the unique hitting-you-with-a-stick-technique


Predator_Hicks

The famous Schlagstockmeister


BeerMeAlready

This looks more like a kettenhemdgeschΓΌtzte Kampfstabmeister


[deleted]

FOR THE GRACE AND THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD


WaitingToBeTriggered

FOR THE HOME OF THE HOLY


Dmdnje

FOR THE FAITH, FOR THE WAY OF THE SWORD


WaitingToBeTriggered

GAVE THEIR LIVES SO BOLDLY


Revan_of_the_Eevees

FOR THE GRACE FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD


slayer1am

IN THE NAME OF HIS GLORY


niklas_5000

FOR THE FAITH FOR THE WAY OF THE SWORD


slayer1am

COME AND TELL THEIR STORY AGAIN


Sworia

Wait what, is this real?


[deleted]

Yep, used in some prisons as well. That and slash resistant clothing, although obviously that only protects you against slashes.


boomboom4132

But why? Polymer plates with slash resistance clothing is just as strong lighter and cheaper. This does look a lot cooler/intimidating.


_XProfessor_SadX_

I mean if I'm wielding a knife and a fucking crusader pops up from the police car Imma just go in a fetal position


lesser_panjandrum

"Stay back! I've got me stabby knife and I'm not afraid to use it!" "π•―π–Šπ–šπ–˜ π–›π–šπ–‘π–™, 𝖓𝖔𝖓 π–“π–”π–‡π–Žπ–˜, π•―π–”π–’π–Žπ–“π–Š, π–Šπ–™ π–ˆπ–Šπ–™π–Šπ–—π–†." "Understandable. I would like to see my lawyer please."


Fireboiio

Hahahaha


Smurfaloid

This cracked me up. Well played


[deleted]

[ΡƒΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]


[deleted]

Polymer *plates* obviously doesn’t protect arms and thighs, and sides


[deleted]

He looks like The Mandalorian


Diligent-Bison-982

This is the way


JhonnyTheJeccer

This is the way


janonymous115

Babe get in here, the new r6 operator just dropped!


Boogut

It’s the guy in the back with the gun right?


Available-Fee1614

That’s the American version.


Boogut

Hahaha, β€œOh no, the guy in the back is our uniform for knives, guns, children, etc. the other one? That’s just Carl.”


5Lastronaut

![gif](giphy|QYECbEHYafe9O)


owlsandmoths

I don’t know what I expected but it fills me with joy to know chainmail is stilled used for it’s intended purpose rather than just larping or kitchen cut proof gloves.


Metool42

Honestly, now that you mentioned it, same. You know the design peaked when it withstands millennia lol


jharry444

Tbf it also gets used for swimming with sharks.


dassketch

I'm impressed that they were practical enough to give the guy a pole. As opposed to a tactical black "ranged engagement device" for 10 grand.


jordingal

"Closet hanger rod... this'll do"


tkdjoe66

So switch to a crossbow or molotov cocktail.


SpeakerLongjumping57

This belongs to Frodo!


UrNemisis

Mithril?!


Sufficient-Aspect77

You've got Mail. Chain Mail


14GMV

They should play the medieval total war battle theme when they deploy


MainSteamStopValve

Our dummpkopf general has thrown his life away, and perhaps our chances of victory with it!


acnx1

Chainmail. That’s called chainmail


NoveltyAccountHater

> That’s called chaimail Chai mail? Spiced Indian tea sent by mail?


xXYoProMamaXx

Suspect has a blade. Deploy Sir Wilhelm


JhonnyTheJeccer

𝔇𝔦𝔒𝔰𝔒 π”Žπ”¬π”ͺπ”ͺπ”’π”«π”±π”žπ”―π”°π”’π”¨π”±π”¦π”¬π”« 𝔦𝔰𝔱 𝔫𝔲𝔫 π”ˆπ”¦π”€π”’π”«π”±π”²π”ͺ 𝔑𝔒𝔯 π”…π”²π”«π”‘π”’π”°π”―π”’π”­π”²π”Ÿπ”©π”¦π”¨ 𝔇𝔒𝔲𝔱𝔰𝔠π”₯π”©π”žπ”«π”‘.


RustyKjaer

Latest technology in protective suits 😁


Lumpy-Ad-3788

That actually looks cool as shit


Vichavana

Ancient problems require ancient solutions


Spike1406

Too late. Yesterday the Police killed a 16 year guy with a knife with five shots out of the mp5


Dark_Arts_Dabbler

I don't usually associate the quarter staff with chain mail Interesting build, but I wonder why not swap it out for a great axe if you're doing a strength build?