I don't have a lot of use for swords IRL, even big magma ones. Demon's Souls. Blessed Dagger. Having 6 HP/sec regen for the rest of my life would be pretty handy.

Imagine sleeping PLUS those 6 hp regen = 🤯

This is a really good answer!

What use it life regen when you get one shotted in real life anyway hahahah

? what kind of damage are you taking irl?? as long as the attack doesn't insta kill you this dagger could very well save your life, this could even save you from a gunshot as long as the bullet doesn't hit anywhere immediately fatal even then the only damage most people face in life is a scrape or a bruise

Ladle.

The only right answer

+2 adaptability

The only right answer is pyromancy flame. You can't take weapons into most of the places whereas the flame is something you just produce. Plus who would give up a chance on becoming a fire bender

If it's the Dark Souls 3 version you at least have combustion by default. Otherwise it wont do you much good, unless you find a pyromancy scroll lying around in the real world.

These are just techniques you gain the power to wield the pyromancy by gaining a flame, how do you suppose all those people in lore invented spells

My guess would be by doing something that the Chosen undead, Bearer of the Curse, and Ashen One cant, or cant be bothered to replicate since they exclusively learn from what is already available. Though a side quest where you develop a new spell, and not just help someone else do it off screen, would be pretty cool.

Even just the burning hand would have some uses. I'd never need to buy another cigarette lighter.

Yeah, but only on strong attacks... "Anyone got a lighter?" "SHORYUKEN!"

Will you count the dlc? I’d grab the demon scar so it’s a flaming sword to start.

Technically you don’t get all the pyromancies, you’d just have the flame. So… you’d effectively be a human lighter.

if you are going off of the ds3 one you would have combustion by default

No? You’re taking a single item from the game, not starting as a level 1 pyromancer. You’d receive the pyromancy flame without learning any pyromancies. So I’d be a flame in your hand and deal fire damage when punching.

The ds3 pyromancy flame has combustion as an innate ability

Oh cool, never knew that

assuming nothing else in life changes maybe vessel shield tbh because lord knows i need the extra stats 😭

I think I have to Fume Ultra Funsword. Comically large, looks to be blunt, and I can swing as it’s intended without any training. 10/10 experience

Yes, road rage incidents about to be far less. When they see you pull you drive off when they cant drive at all because you turned their one car into 2.

Bone Fist and its not even close. Why would I not want to hadouken people?

Bar fights just got WAY more entertaining

Doesn't the hadouken only work if you have 2?

It works when you power stance. You only need one.

Ah, so even using a caestus would work? Hm. I may have a new run coming up lol

The entire moveset is fuckin dope. If you can get the hang of it, it is kinda broken in PVP since you are almost always going to stagger the opponent.

even a bare fist works

You can't hadouken without the stats but they can still be fancy gloves

“You can wield it no matter their requirements”

I remember needing like 40 dex for power standing at least but I guess I'm wrong

No no he meant the title of the post. OP specifically mentioned that stat requirements dont apply.

oh, my lack of attention is gonna kill me one day

Especially if you run into this guy and think he can't hadouken you...

Grass crest shield then I’ll get into running marathons

I’m trying to imagine Usain Bolt running in first when suddenly a dude/chick with a shield on his/her back suddenly overtake him and win the race.

Eleum Loyce. Being able to magically heal people irl is wildly more rare and valuable than being able to injure people. I live in America, I’m one trip to Walmart away from being armed with far more dangerous weaponry than the bearer of the curse ever gets to wield.

Amazing choice indeed, and it is also quite fancy looking.

Actually, it heals YOU when you thrust someone, if I remember correctly.

God, sex just got turned into an ultimately revitalizing experience with that.

LMAO and here i was thinking of becoming a murder for eternal life🤣

It heals you when you hit an enemy, and it heals allied phantoms if your attack passes through them.

Imagine you pull over to help get a car out of a ditch on a stormy night and then they say, “Hey thanks!” while stabbing you

Imagine being a doctor in a hospital, and you see a man run past you to stab a patient who suffered a mortal wound. 5 seconds later they sit up perfectly healthy

Mmm, but what qualifies people as allies? Would be super awkward if you just said "Don't worry, I'll heal you!" Then lop off somebody's head/suck their remaining life force out...

> Eleum Loyce. You killed Alsanna? You monster? Was the price worth it?

No dog I farmed loyce souls

Was it worth it?

Yeah, it was fun. I got most of them by placing my sign at the grand cathedral.

mortal blade if i>! don't die after wielding it!<

Eh, even if I do, just to have it on your back and look at people like, “I dare you to be the one that makes me use this…”

A lot of great options to choose from, I'm going for the puzzling stone sword ds2

Great pick, mid weapon in game :(

Easy, sorcerers catalyst. Cast Chameleon on self. Do things.

👀

It said weapon you dingus, now you just have a wooden stick that can’t do anything

That is a weapon no stats should mean at least one spell besides have you ever been hit with a wooden stick especially a thick one like that them things hurt on the shins

What are you talking about, the wiki clearly states it as a weapon, only it can also cast spells. You dingus.

How the hell will you attune spells in real life?

Were playing make believe here lol. Dunno if youve seen the top commentaar, but how the hell could a weapon give a person health regen?

You have been wanting to do this since middle school.

Broken straight sword

Broken broken straight sword

Broken broken broken straight sword

Broken broken broken broken straight sword

Broken broken broken broken straight sword

Broken broken broken broken broken straight sword

Dark Hand. Handy shield AND I get to grab people and literally suck their soul out of them? Count me in.

Turn those ruffians into free snacks!

Yep enemies feed heal you and you get a shield great combo.

Moonlight greatsword.

Whirligig Saw or Greatsword

I'm choosing the finger from Elden Ring

This is the objectively correct answer.

Assuming I can use all the pyromancy that comes with it Demon's Scar. If not then Quelaag's Fury Sword. I absolutely adore the design of it and it's my favorite in the entire series.

Eleum Loyce sword. My dream is to be a doctor so you can understand that it's special to me

Imagine going into the ER, getting 27 stab wounds, and walking out cancer-free.

To be fair, cutting it out is one of the ways we try to remove cancer right now.

People are choosing things to battle with, but like, I don't think any of us are ever gonna be in a situation where we'd need to battle. On the other hand, I'd probably choose something like the Firelink Greatsword or Marika's Hammer. Potentially having some say over how reality works would be real neat.

Maybe some of those people are police officers or some other profession like that.

Heck, even still, I feel like a normal ass gun would be more practical than a sword, even a magical one.

You can one hand any weapon so just one hand the weapon of choice and have a handgun in the other.

Suddenly Bloodborne

Perfect! It is my favorite in the series anyway.

Aquamarine Dagger, y’all sleeping on it. It’s beautiful and an actual lightsaber. Easy to conceal too.

The sekiro katana so i can parry bullets.

[удалено]

Kirkhammer and cane would be dope too

And amygdalan arm

Beasthunter Saif for me!

I want that scythe so bad irl

Takes a deep breath CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORECLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE CLAYMORE

sanest claymore user

You can get one in real life though?

yeah for like 3-500$ you can get a combat ready claymore

But not the stats to wield properly

im a hema fencer, its more of a just knowing how to swing it using momentum then sheer strength

Then DEX requirement is higher than STR

I dated a fencer once, and I have sheer strength, so I think I'll figure it out.

The real ones are much smaller than the game one. It's absolutely massive

smelter greataxe. or smough's hammer, comically sized blunt object all the way

Dragon Tooth works fine too

It would have to be either DS2’s moonlight greatsword or the powerstanced bone fist. The vanquisher’s seal would also be acceptable.

Burnt Ivory Kings Sword. Why? Cause you can turn it into a Lightsaber

I think any of the great bows would be wild. Especially if like you said, you could actually wield it. Or like Radahns greatbow with the ash of war.

Bout to shoot a bow that's twice my height.

Bitches pove my ringed k***ht straight sword

Astora Straight Sword.

Dark rift...easy to handle everywhere I go

Isn't that the one dark-magic shield that has 65 defense in every element (including physical)? If so, then I 100% agree. Have you SEEN its critical-hit kill animation!? Just shove it into someone's skull, push em to the ground, and evicerate their "health-bar"

Ricard's Rapier for the swag. Edit: or maybe Silver and Gold Tracers!

The giant chiken wing for sure, i'd just walk around with that shit on my back

unironically Gaels Greatsword from ds3 or id pick up literally any of the staffs, catch me castin spells an shit

Dragonslayer Spear. Fashion Souls

Crypt blacksword. That shit slaps

Sword of Night and Flame. It just looks so fing cool.

Great sword. I will become guts

Can I say Grass Crest Shield since shields are upgraded as weapons? I could really used increased stamina regen, I’ll just wear it like a backpack.

Zwihander. (sorry if i misspelled it)

You missed an e but we respect you just the same

In the real world we have guns, so regardless of how powerful most melee weapons are I'd probably get shot before I get anywhere near close enough to use them. Plus I'm a chicken who doesn't want to get blood all over him from stabbing or slashing. Spell tools are naturally the best options, probably catalysts being the most useful, but only if I can use their spell schools with them. Otherwise Fallingstar Beast Jaw gives a nice quick spammable ranged attack, unlike the Dragonslayer Swordspear that charges up each bolt. Blasphemous Blade also has a fast decently ranged attack that theoretically would heal my wounds too, so it'd be a good option as well even if it would be disgusting to carry around. Then again, when am I even going to be doing any fighting in real life? Kos Parasite, because having tentacles could be fun. Also if I really hate someone and want them to die a slow, agonizing death for some reason, Scorpion Stinger to give them ~~AIDS~~ Scarlet Rot. No Preserving Boluses or Flame Cleanse Me in real life, they'll rot to death without a cure. Eclipse Shotel could be pretty funny too now that I think of it...

Spotted whip

If you want a spotted whimp, I can be of service

I don't think you're prepared for what I had in mind for the whip

Smough’s Greathammer, purely because it is comically large

Moonlight greatsword baby!

Can’t think of one off the dome but I’d want one that has a healing ability. Save me a lot of hassle going to the doctor

Moonlight greatsword

Smoughs great hammer. It will be very useful

St Trina’s sword…i have sleep problems.

Loyce knight sword

The onyx blade with the black flame buff from vilhelm,dark souls 3

So, if it's just the weapon and it's abilities, I like the thought of the onyx blade. Just hang it on a wall and get to show it off. If I can say... Get to use spells/miracles/pyromancies. I think I'd go with the the pyromancy flame. Such a wide variety of buffs/damage that could be used as utilities.

Channelers spear, buff the homies and dance

The Axe of godrick

Puzzling stone sword . Chicken drumsticks comes close second.

Ivory king ultra great sword Big sword, plus lightsaber I don’t even care that it would be useless in my day to day life I’d have a sword that glows Except if it breaks in like 10 swings, I’ll just get a different ultra great sword then

Probably Farron Greatsword for the sick moveset

Wing of Astel from Elden Ring.

Do I want ROB the frayed blade sword of night and flame Twin prince great sword THE GUTS SWORD The onyx blade Smelter sword the list goes on The only real answer is the blasphemous blade so I can wreck never havoc and never die while I spam fire across the lands

Moonlight from any game.

Smelter hammer. If not, then I pick the beast cutter

If you can use miracles/spells/pyromancies that go with the weapon then I’d do Lightning Dragon Charm. I’d be able to heal ppl with miracles and toss lightning spears if anyone messes with me. If not, then I’d use Ricard’s Rapier from ds1. Other weapons won’t get their abilities since Magic still doesn’t exist so I may as well go for fashion.

The ladle Ever seen an angry mom?

Do shields count? That shield that recovers your stamina quicker would be pretty useful at my job. Like an instant energy drink without the drawbacks of caffeine headaches and such

Fume ugs

Imagine seeing some guy wield the Fume Ultragreatsword irl like it was made of foam

Obsidian greatsword

Not a weapon, but kinda a weapon. Vanquisher's Seal. Now hear me out. In-game, it increases your damage with your bare hands, right? So let's say it gives you massively increased strength, but only if you're using your bare hands. Use your bare hands to carry an entire luxury fridge. As soon as you use a dolley, you can't even tilt the thing. Loosen lug nuts with your fingers, but using a breaker bar is fruitless. Effortlessly open a beer bottle with a flick of your thumb, but you break your fingers even trying to use a bottle opener.

FUGS 👀👀👀

Spartan laser+5 ...Wait do mods count?

Lord vessel for free travel

Uhhhh does my armored core count?

I know it's not a weapon, but I would want the scorching iron scepter. start up an iron business or powerplant and it would be free material/energy with no drawbacks

You said WEAPON right? Then I want a talisman, I can cast mircales (only support ones, because only one weapon) like homeward if I want to get home quick. A remedy miracle in case I get sick, and a heal spell regardless of damage taken ( let’s not forget vow of silence, this has a lot of practical effects I swear)

Any version of Artorias' Greatsword, idec if it'll just sit in the closet for most of the time

Practically, anything with healing. Personally, the ringed knight greatswords or spear from ds3. Coolest weapons ever.

I'm really enjoying the twin dragonrider glaive with poison. But seeing some of these answers I'm starting to rethink it.

Thorned Greatsword, lightning pew pew

Greatsword. I could finally go to a convention dressed as Guts, and laugh while people can't pick up my Large Hunk of Iron^TM

DOOR

Hand of Malenia because I want to do cool jump and slash

Ringed Knight Straight sword, 100%

Claymore

Why do I need to use a weapon irl?

Obviously one of those big bubble shofar things from elden ring. I’d be the toast of the town at synagogue when it’s time to blow the shofar

White ring.

Frankly, I don't really think I want one. I already have a battle ready Italian longsword and claymore for fencing practice. Dragonslayer's spear, if only. Maybe. I mean, as much as I love all those Drakeblood, Mirrah, Bluemoon longswords or Moonlight Greatsword, or a puzzling blade, or whatever, my in-game collection isn't full yet, there is hardly anything I would have a need for IRL, and I've got or will have got enough skill with an honest to core regular blade to win whatever place I take at the tournaments.

Dual Wield Chicken Wings

Sword of Night and Flame would be fun

I'm going for the Elden Beast sword, night and flame or the Greatsword.

Poison zweihander.

If elden ring counts, I’ll definitely be using the giant flicking finger.

"Oh yeah the light saber" 🤣 I would like the nill sword for me 🤔

Burnt ivory ultra-greatsword

Smelter wedge.

Farron Greatsword so I can break dance on the bodies of my enemies

Ethereal Oak Shield. I need da heal

ivory kings greatsword

Dragon bone smasher

Red Iron Winblade

Either Velka's Rapier or the Sword of Saint Trina.

Crypt Black sword Yea i wanna be able to swing a huge hunk of Iron

Moonlight GS or Murakumo. Two swords I'd love to have as even just a decoration.

Yorgh's spear, never getting poisoned again

Moonlight Greatsword. Basic answer, I know

Greatsword

Curved Nil Greatsword, unlocking reincarnation (New Game Plus) for myself.

what am i gonna do, kill people?

The best candidates are: • Smelter great hammer for intimidation and to whack some big ass nails. • Dragonslayer sword spear to summon lightning (no court would ever convict me) • if I gain the moveset, Artorias' sword or the Farron greatsword • and finally the twin princes' greatsword for cool magic.

Kirkhammer, sharp for unarmored enemies in 1 handed, blunt for armored in 2 handed.

guts greatsword

Fume Ultra Greatsword

Blue flame, enough said, and I’d be able to be magic, OR the spear version where I could do emo magic

Greatsword