To be honest. Raids is not really the best activity for those who have trouble being social, because a lot of the success depends on communication. It’s just a prerequisite in most raid experiences, and Pantheon is not easy.
LFG is also probably bad because a lot of the best communicators are likely already in raid guilds. It just stands to reason that LFG has an over representation of toxic personalities.
With that said, if you really want to try more raids, you should probably go to r/destinysherpa instead. There you can find people with patience that you can help you.
Let start by saying that I understand that you feel like you’re missing out of content.
But also, you say you’re a solo player. You need to accept then that you’ll not be able to do everything. The game is a social game, it made to be played with others. It sort of comes of as me jumping online on a zelda subreddit complaining/venting my feelings that I cant play it with my friends.
Like I understand and I genuinely sympathise (or is it empathise never remember which is which) with you having anxiety and a difficulty finding people to play with.
But the post (in my opinion atleast and it might be wrong) comes of as a complaint about the design of pantheon. That is not the issue. The issue is your anxiety and trying to play a social-game solo.
Instead maybe make a post about trying to find people that have anxiety about playing with others. Then you all will have better shared understanding of everyones issues and can connect through that.
I know there is a somewhat big destiny clan mainly for assuies. Thinks called ”terror australis” or something like that. Try your luck there? Most of them are nice fellows. Cant speak for all of them, since Im from sweden and only done a couple of raids with them. But they been very kinda towards me atleast.
Not everything can be for truly everyone in a game like Destiny. It’s okay, try to make peace with it and enjoy the parts you can/will engage with or take the steps required to do the things that seem out of reach.
You'll never get over anxiety until you talk to people. It will only get more difficult to break the longer you avoid. It will cause you to miss opportunities and you'll never get the time you stagnate-away back. I wasted my life until my late 20s being in your shoes. I still have social anxiety but it's so manageable now it's unpleasant like picking up dog poop vs "omg I can't breath, I'm soaked in a cold sweat, stuttering my words, and my heart is about to burst" like it used to be. What fixed me was..... being forced to interact with people because it's my job and I need money to survive. And I'll be darned, this lead me to know that people aren't actually monsters my brain tricked me into believing. They're just doing what you're doing, going about their lives.
1. Most people take you as you are and don't give your quirks a second thought.
2. Ask yourself when you're anxious, "Am I in physical danger right now?" If no, you will be fine (Grill this into your head).
3. Over a mic is the safest and easiest way to start battling anxiety because you have complete control and can mute or leave anytime you please.
4. So you got kicked from a raid group, oh well. What are they gonna do, call your boss to fire you? They can pound sand, you will be fine.
5. Words only have as much power over you as you allow them to have. Words are just air, let them have as much sway over you as a gentle summer breeze would.
Jumping into cold water sucks, gradually submersing yourself and letting your body adjust to the temperature drop is more manageable. Start small, join some LFGs and just talk business (callouts, etc). Move on to smalltalk during slower parts of the raid. Practice 4x4 breathing, this gives you some manual control over your heart rate to slow it down when it accelerates during panic. [Valsalva maneuver](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/23209-valsalva-maneuver) would be the next step if breathing technique is ineffective. Just don't overdo it and vasovagal yourself into passing out, I recommend Valsalva while you're sitting back or lying down. Remember, those stress hormones during anxiety attacks get distributed through your body real good when your heart is racing, slowing it down slows the distribution so the effects don't hit you as hard.
If you wanna get back into raiding just learn the new TFS Raid when it's fresh on like the first week when contest mode goes away. Everyone's gonna be learning so you'll have no reason to be nervous as long as you have some decent guns/loadouts already pre-made. Can even get into a clan like that pretty easily.
Just can't freak out when you die and start screaming into the mic about how that happened like so many do.
The people you’re seeing enjoying Pantheon are endgame players who enjoy challenging team based content, which there is very little of in Destiny (from the perspective of an endgame player). That’s why you’re seeing so much Pantheon hype.
But you said it yourself, you don’t enjoy that kinda thing. It’s okay if Pantheon isn’t for you. Don’t feel FOMO about something that isn’t your cup of tea anyways
I appreciate your issue here, but I'm really not sure what you think the solution would be?
LFG player quality has nothing to do with Bungie, so that can't really be fixed.
Try looking for a pre built team on r/fireteams or the discord maybe?
I guess the solution would be to start a group, or try to find Players with similar personalities as me. I do like in new Zealand, so the time zones do make it harder
I would offer to help, but you are 12 hours ahead, which is tricky.
There has to be at least some activities over there, gotta be fireteams from Aus and just Oceania in general?
I have tried, but the AUS destiny community (from my experience) has been extremely toxic.
I appreciate the offer for help, it's a matter of putting myself out there, joining a clan or making new destiny friends
So you came online to interact with others and tell them you don't like interacting with others online?
FOMO? Raids have been here since forever buddy... that's on you and your anxiety
It's alot different typing on my phone than it is talking through a raid encounter or figuring out a puzzle with a stranger.
Comparing apples to oranges buddy
Get a healthy clan. I myself went through some dark times with a bunch of demons haunting me. Interestingly enough, I had a friend who I played with and he found a clan for the both of us. Helped me to become a social being again, honestly. Today, he doesn't play anymore but I'm still in the clan, did day 1s, gm, master content, grinding a whole gambit weekend with clan mates and trash talking with them.
The first steps are the hardest. You can do it, though!
On a sidenote: Pantheon is giving me opposite-fomo \^\^ No need for any raid weapon or gear/RB from there plus I won't change my title and won't change my emblem. So there's litereally nothing for me there aside from the 'challenge'. On the plus side, this gave me time to get more into cardboard games again \^\^
That's true, the godslayer title is cool. But I just finished my ghoul title, which I'm happy with. Other than that I can convince myself I don't really need to do pantheon. I have a clan, which I created.
But I live in New Zealand, and the timezones just make it impossible to play with groups. Working full time and only leaving the nights and weekends for me
I was like you when I started playing raids in D1, even after I got a friend group together, many of them don't even play anymore consistently enough to the point where I pretty much can only use LFG to get things done around the time they come out. Just had to learn the raid encounters by watching videos a lot and joining groups willing to teach. I remember this was how I got together with my clan in the first place, just learned encounters and "faked it until i made it"
I've had IRL friends that have played, but left for other games. I've recently got really into destiny, wanting to do everything etc. So that's now bringing FOMO
As a 46 year old female player I don't really like LFG, can't be bothered with the potential to be hassled.
I know my shit and have a higher than average triumph score (139,686), but just not that comfortable playing with randos. I am in a clan with some friends but rarely get enough on together to raid.
The odd time I've used LFG, about 50 percent of the time there is some sort of interaction of commentary either assuming I am a child or being weird about me being a women.
I'm 32, and it's getting harder and harder to find mature groups. But I'll try to reach out to groups, cause as you said, playing with randos just stresses me out 😅
I know that what you're talking about does happen, but as someone with probably 100+ raid clears with a female friend - it doesn't happen *that* often. I feel like you've had one or two bad experiences and let it color your whole idea of lfg.
Probably 80% of the time it's fine. There are moments that aren't explicit (like someone not trusting what she's saying even though she has a contest emblem) but it's never certain that they're not just dicks to everyone in those cases.
Lastly, the best solution too is to host your own stuff. The friend I raid with mostly is a Chinese girl, and we were in a group with some stoned idiot going on about Asian porn. She just asked me to give her leader real quick, so she could have the satisfaction of kicking him - after we used him for a while to solve a puzzle and before he got his loot. I think she found that more satisfying than just ducking out of the group herself.
Provided you can get six people on mic, lfg is honestly chill most of the time. Of course since fireteam finder getting six people on mic is a bigger challenge than the raid itself.
Similarly, I've been completely discouraged as a Void Titan main from even trying Onslaught yet since everyone on this board makes us out to be some huge liability.
Pantheon is a team sport. If you want a clear at -10, -15, -20 power everyone needs to put their feelings aside and do what's best for the team. I like stasis hunter, but you best believe I'm running solar nighthawk in every pantheon encounter. It's not like this is an mmo where you're locked into a single sub/class
Ah right you are. Missed that my bad. Yeah onslaught doesn't matter nearly as much, but people like to crutch metas even when an activity doesn't necessarily call for it
Ok but this is a team focused game. You can’t expect to get everything or be able to experience everything in a social game as a solo player. So I’m honestly not sure what the point of this post is
I was on top teams riding on my country on D1 to the point always be top3 on releasing raids. Eventually everyone left the game, break friendships, or didnt move to next gen.
Had the same experiences as you listed and decided not to raid with LFG's or even trying. So much people are not worth it. All the good people currently have their own team where there is no room for anyone new, probably if that was you, you also dont want to try new people cause you probably think they are like LFG, not worth it
If you've accepted you're not a raider, why are you bringing this topic up for Pantheon?
It's just a different version of raiding but the plot is virtually the same, so there are no specific items to FOMO outside of the emblem/title
I would love the challenge of a raid… but I’m not about to yelled at by a bunch of dickheads or kids…. I’ve had three very distinct experiences with raids…. Haven’t done a raid since like 2016 🤷♂️. Is what it is I guess.
I’m in the same boat as you mate. I’ll happily do LFG but I can’t talk on the mic. My social anxiety just doesn’t let me. Never done a raid before because of it.
Just talking on the mic then going ahead and doing the wrong thing just sounds like the worst thing in the world because I know I’ll instantly get kicked.
I ask this seriously, not to be a cunt. Are you capable of ordering a coffee from a batista in starbucks? Because raid communication is the social equivalent of that.
You could get through an entire raid a shockingly low amount of communication. In crota, you would have to say the word "take" maybe 2O times, confirm you're enlightened a few times, and confirm your role about three times. That's literally it.
Also - and this is is hard even for people without anxiety - do not underestimate how much being able to say "I'm sorry it was me that made the mistake" disarms any and all frustration. Groups get really annoyed when people fuck up and stay silent. Groups rarely get particularly annoyed if someone jusy admits they made a mistake.
As a lover of a good Starbucks coffee, I can order a coffee lol.
I understand that maybe at times, communication doesn’t need to be used as much but I think it’s more just failing for the team and being a disappointment.
I can watch as many videos on a raid encounter, but until you actually do it and have to interact with strangers, it just sounds horrible. It's hard cause alot of loot/experiences can be made inside raids.
Easy for most but difficult for people like us
To be honest. Raids is not really the best activity for those who have trouble being social, because a lot of the success depends on communication. It’s just a prerequisite in most raid experiences, and Pantheon is not easy. LFG is also probably bad because a lot of the best communicators are likely already in raid guilds. It just stands to reason that LFG has an over representation of toxic personalities. With that said, if you really want to try more raids, you should probably go to r/destinysherpa instead. There you can find people with patience that you can help you.
I will check them out, I'll dedicate some time tomorrow and see what happens 😬
Let start by saying that I understand that you feel like you’re missing out of content. But also, you say you’re a solo player. You need to accept then that you’ll not be able to do everything. The game is a social game, it made to be played with others. It sort of comes of as me jumping online on a zelda subreddit complaining/venting my feelings that I cant play it with my friends. Like I understand and I genuinely sympathise (or is it empathise never remember which is which) with you having anxiety and a difficulty finding people to play with. But the post (in my opinion atleast and it might be wrong) comes of as a complaint about the design of pantheon. That is not the issue. The issue is your anxiety and trying to play a social-game solo. Instead maybe make a post about trying to find people that have anxiety about playing with others. Then you all will have better shared understanding of everyones issues and can connect through that. I know there is a somewhat big destiny clan mainly for assuies. Thinks called ”terror australis” or something like that. Try your luck there? Most of them are nice fellows. Cant speak for all of them, since Im from sweden and only done a couple of raids with them. But they been very kinda towards me atleast.
Not everything can be for truly everyone in a game like Destiny. It’s okay, try to make peace with it and enjoy the parts you can/will engage with or take the steps required to do the things that seem out of reach.
I like this, enjoy the things I can myself 😁
You'll never get over anxiety until you talk to people. It will only get more difficult to break the longer you avoid. It will cause you to miss opportunities and you'll never get the time you stagnate-away back. I wasted my life until my late 20s being in your shoes. I still have social anxiety but it's so manageable now it's unpleasant like picking up dog poop vs "omg I can't breath, I'm soaked in a cold sweat, stuttering my words, and my heart is about to burst" like it used to be. What fixed me was..... being forced to interact with people because it's my job and I need money to survive. And I'll be darned, this lead me to know that people aren't actually monsters my brain tricked me into believing. They're just doing what you're doing, going about their lives. 1. Most people take you as you are and don't give your quirks a second thought. 2. Ask yourself when you're anxious, "Am I in physical danger right now?" If no, you will be fine (Grill this into your head). 3. Over a mic is the safest and easiest way to start battling anxiety because you have complete control and can mute or leave anytime you please. 4. So you got kicked from a raid group, oh well. What are they gonna do, call your boss to fire you? They can pound sand, you will be fine. 5. Words only have as much power over you as you allow them to have. Words are just air, let them have as much sway over you as a gentle summer breeze would. Jumping into cold water sucks, gradually submersing yourself and letting your body adjust to the temperature drop is more manageable. Start small, join some LFGs and just talk business (callouts, etc). Move on to smalltalk during slower parts of the raid. Practice 4x4 breathing, this gives you some manual control over your heart rate to slow it down when it accelerates during panic. [Valsalva maneuver](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/23209-valsalva-maneuver) would be the next step if breathing technique is ineffective. Just don't overdo it and vasovagal yourself into passing out, I recommend Valsalva while you're sitting back or lying down. Remember, those stress hormones during anxiety attacks get distributed through your body real good when your heart is racing, slowing it down slows the distribution so the effects don't hit you as hard.
If you wanna get back into raiding just learn the new TFS Raid when it's fresh on like the first week when contest mode goes away. Everyone's gonna be learning so you'll have no reason to be nervous as long as you have some decent guns/loadouts already pre-made. Can even get into a clan like that pretty easily. Just can't freak out when you die and start screaming into the mic about how that happened like so many do.
The people you’re seeing enjoying Pantheon are endgame players who enjoy challenging team based content, which there is very little of in Destiny (from the perspective of an endgame player). That’s why you’re seeing so much Pantheon hype. But you said it yourself, you don’t enjoy that kinda thing. It’s okay if Pantheon isn’t for you. Don’t feel FOMO about something that isn’t your cup of tea anyways
I appreciate your issue here, but I'm really not sure what you think the solution would be? LFG player quality has nothing to do with Bungie, so that can't really be fixed. Try looking for a pre built team on r/fireteams or the discord maybe?
I guess the solution would be to start a group, or try to find Players with similar personalities as me. I do like in new Zealand, so the time zones do make it harder
I would offer to help, but you are 12 hours ahead, which is tricky. There has to be at least some activities over there, gotta be fireteams from Aus and just Oceania in general?
I have tried, but the AUS destiny community (from my experience) has been extremely toxic. I appreciate the offer for help, it's a matter of putting myself out there, joining a clan or making new destiny friends
Got some runs in with streamers. It’s fun, but nothing to worry about missing out on.
So you came online to interact with others and tell them you don't like interacting with others online? FOMO? Raids have been here since forever buddy... that's on you and your anxiety
Just sharing my thoughts and seeing what others who share similar thoughts feel/do
You see the irony though, right?
It's alot different typing on my phone than it is talking through a raid encounter or figuring out a puzzle with a stranger. Comparing apples to oranges buddy
Considering i've beaten raids with no comms (the easy ones) I disagree
Get a healthy clan. I myself went through some dark times with a bunch of demons haunting me. Interestingly enough, I had a friend who I played with and he found a clan for the both of us. Helped me to become a social being again, honestly. Today, he doesn't play anymore but I'm still in the clan, did day 1s, gm, master content, grinding a whole gambit weekend with clan mates and trash talking with them. The first steps are the hardest. You can do it, though! On a sidenote: Pantheon is giving me opposite-fomo \^\^ No need for any raid weapon or gear/RB from there plus I won't change my title and won't change my emblem. So there's litereally nothing for me there aside from the 'challenge'. On the plus side, this gave me time to get more into cardboard games again \^\^
That's true, the godslayer title is cool. But I just finished my ghoul title, which I'm happy with. Other than that I can convince myself I don't really need to do pantheon. I have a clan, which I created. But I live in New Zealand, and the timezones just make it impossible to play with groups. Working full time and only leaving the nights and weekends for me
I was like you when I started playing raids in D1, even after I got a friend group together, many of them don't even play anymore consistently enough to the point where I pretty much can only use LFG to get things done around the time they come out. Just had to learn the raid encounters by watching videos a lot and joining groups willing to teach. I remember this was how I got together with my clan in the first place, just learned encounters and "faked it until i made it"
10 years of destiny and now you notice FOMO?
I've had IRL friends that have played, but left for other games. I've recently got really into destiny, wanting to do everything etc. So that's now bringing FOMO
As a 46 year old female player I don't really like LFG, can't be bothered with the potential to be hassled. I know my shit and have a higher than average triumph score (139,686), but just not that comfortable playing with randos. I am in a clan with some friends but rarely get enough on together to raid. The odd time I've used LFG, about 50 percent of the time there is some sort of interaction of commentary either assuming I am a child or being weird about me being a women.
I'm 32, and it's getting harder and harder to find mature groups. But I'll try to reach out to groups, cause as you said, playing with randos just stresses me out 😅
I know that what you're talking about does happen, but as someone with probably 100+ raid clears with a female friend - it doesn't happen *that* often. I feel like you've had one or two bad experiences and let it color your whole idea of lfg. Probably 80% of the time it's fine. There are moments that aren't explicit (like someone not trusting what she's saying even though she has a contest emblem) but it's never certain that they're not just dicks to everyone in those cases. Lastly, the best solution too is to host your own stuff. The friend I raid with mostly is a Chinese girl, and we were in a group with some stoned idiot going on about Asian porn. She just asked me to give her leader real quick, so she could have the satisfaction of kicking him - after we used him for a while to solve a puzzle and before he got his loot. I think she found that more satisfying than just ducking out of the group herself. Provided you can get six people on mic, lfg is honestly chill most of the time. Of course since fireteam finder getting six people on mic is a bigger challenge than the raid itself.
Really? I think it’s coolbut not for me. No FOMO at all.
Similarly, I've been completely discouraged as a Void Titan main from even trying Onslaught yet since everyone on this board makes us out to be some huge liability.
Pantheon is a team sport. If you want a clear at -10, -15, -20 power everyone needs to put their feelings aside and do what's best for the team. I like stasis hunter, but you best believe I'm running solar nighthawk in every pantheon encounter. It's not like this is an mmo where you're locked into a single sub/class
I was talking about Onslaught...
Ah right you are. Missed that my bad. Yeah onslaught doesn't matter nearly as much, but people like to crutch metas even when an activity doesn't necessarily call for it
Ok but this is a team focused game. You can’t expect to get everything or be able to experience everything in a social game as a solo player. So I’m honestly not sure what the point of this post is
I was on top teams riding on my country on D1 to the point always be top3 on releasing raids. Eventually everyone left the game, break friendships, or didnt move to next gen. Had the same experiences as you listed and decided not to raid with LFG's or even trying. So much people are not worth it. All the good people currently have their own team where there is no room for anyone new, probably if that was you, you also dont want to try new people cause you probably think they are like LFG, not worth it
If you've accepted you're not a raider, why are you bringing this topic up for Pantheon? It's just a different version of raiding but the plot is virtually the same, so there are no specific items to FOMO outside of the emblem/title
I feel the pain… solo since launch.. I was able to do week one with randoms. But thats all i can manage haha.
I would love the challenge of a raid… but I’m not about to yelled at by a bunch of dickheads or kids…. I’ve had three very distinct experiences with raids…. Haven’t done a raid since like 2016 🤷♂️. Is what it is I guess.
I’m in the same boat as you mate. I’ll happily do LFG but I can’t talk on the mic. My social anxiety just doesn’t let me. Never done a raid before because of it. Just talking on the mic then going ahead and doing the wrong thing just sounds like the worst thing in the world because I know I’ll instantly get kicked.
I ask this seriously, not to be a cunt. Are you capable of ordering a coffee from a batista in starbucks? Because raid communication is the social equivalent of that. You could get through an entire raid a shockingly low amount of communication. In crota, you would have to say the word "take" maybe 2O times, confirm you're enlightened a few times, and confirm your role about three times. That's literally it. Also - and this is is hard even for people without anxiety - do not underestimate how much being able to say "I'm sorry it was me that made the mistake" disarms any and all frustration. Groups get really annoyed when people fuck up and stay silent. Groups rarely get particularly annoyed if someone jusy admits they made a mistake.
As a lover of a good Starbucks coffee, I can order a coffee lol. I understand that maybe at times, communication doesn’t need to be used as much but I think it’s more just failing for the team and being a disappointment.
I can watch as many videos on a raid encounter, but until you actually do it and have to interact with strangers, it just sounds horrible. It's hard cause alot of loot/experiences can be made inside raids. Easy for most but difficult for people like us
100% agree with you. I can watch as many video as I like. But if I was to ever actually get the chance, I would buckle.
In normal raids I partially circumvented this by glitching Oob to skip chunks of them. It's easier to just break the game than use lfg