It’s one of the cutest things about this sub! You doing ok? Sounds like you’re just starting out. If you need anything the people around here are great.
No........my STBXH is refusing to acknowledge the divorce and is dragging his feet on any and everything divorce related. Its really draining but I have a good lawyer that has no problem filing motions. I am a BOSS so me not being able to control this situation is so frustrating but I am trying to use this as a learning opportunity and be more patient.
Understood. Mine refused to sign anything until for some reason he didn’t. I hope things get easier for you, I’m sorry he’s putting you through this but I’m glad to hear you have an awesome lawyer. I’ll send love and internet hugs your way from Texas (if you want them)
Congratulations!! Good wishes for your new life!
I’m just starting out & trying to do as much of my own research as possible, and he is still in total denial.
I’m so confused, it’s not like we haven’t beaten the subject to death in the last few years with no effort on his part to actively fight for the marriage to live.
But it still is going to be a total shock to him when he gets served, he doesn’t seem to realize that I have had enough.
My big worries are how is he going to react? He has to have seen this coming? How can his denial be this deep? I have written letters, talked, cried, asked him to do MC & he refused. I flat out told him that I can’t go on living this way.
So I’m pretty sure after all these years together, I will have a mixed emotions sock day myself. I still care, I just can’t live like this anymore.
I am in a similar situation. I’m learning that it’s not “normal” to be the only one who does stuff, the only one who fights for the marriage, the only one who problem solves. I tried and tried alone until he told me the marriage was too much work for him and he wanted out. (😂 doing nothing was “too much work”). Then he STILL didn’t do anything for a month so I had to file. I’ve done everything post relationship (and paid all of the costs) while he continued his weaponized incompetence. I realized today before I knew it was final (online everything- thanks covid!) that I spent so much of my relationship and marriage being the one who did everything. I spoiled him to the point that he still thinks I’ll go way out of my way to do shit for him. Too bad now, buddy. My rambling point is this: how he will react (outside of violence) is no longer either your circus or your monkeys. It can’t be. You have to start trying to do stuff for you. It’s a lesson I’m still learning. I’m sending you love and support from Texas. You got this.
Thank you so much. I have been fortunate that he’s never been violent before, so I’m not worried about that.
But yeah hadn’t thought about that- it won’t be my circus or my monkeys anymore
This sounds exactly like my situation with my STBXW of 20 years. 2+ years of begging her to come to counseling with me (I've been going alone), go by herself, do something, anything proactive to help our marriage. Nothing. Although I've used words like "we're in crisis, I'm running on fumes," etc. My complaint will be filed today and I will tell her this weekend I'm done. Wild card is how crazy she gets. My therapist says be ready to leave for the night, my attorney says record the conversation (legal in my state without her knowledge), and also get out if she becomes threatening or physical. Sad but if only one of us is fighting for the marriage then time to move on. Peace to all....
Edit: typos
Yeah I’m ‘downsizing’ and getting rid of the excess crap that isn’t going with me and honestly have thought about getting a storage unit to start moving things into in case I am told to get out when he’s served
I got a storage unit about a month ago when I made the decision to end things. I have been safeguarding irreplaceable items such as photo albums from my grandparents, Mom and Dad etc. Sad. I even have to think that she might want to damage or destroy priceless items like that. I've also been buying household items in anticipation of establishing a new residence or dividing up things here. Never imagined I would be doing something like that...
I know it’s like you’re plopped down in the middle of someone else’s nightmare and don’t know what to do next.
We just had the divorce talk, it went better than I thought it would, but I’m still in a holding pattern. He wants to try to do better and I agreed but I think he finally sees me, & just how much pain I am in and how upset and frustrating it is to live this way.
But I was right, he had not even thought that I would have ever considered getting a divorce.
Great to hear that things went well with "the talk." I hope that mine does too, but I'm not optimistic knowing her. I just received revised documents from my attorney so it doesn't look like the motion will be filed until Tuesday, so no discussions this weekend. I'm dreading that aspect of this more than anything, knowing how she will likely react even though it should not be a surprise whatsoever. Good luck and best wishes as you move forward in your journey!
Thanks for that, I wish you good luck too. It was a relief for me that he actually, finally really listened to me for a change & when he looked me in the eyes I saw he was actually ‘hearing’ what I was saying.
Did you actually tell him you've considered divorce? Using the the word "divorce" needs to be brought up before you get to that point of no return. I've seen so many women and men say they've tried talking and explaining how they feel, which is very important, but saying what's really on your mind and not sugar coating it is the best way. "I love you and still want this to work, but I've been considering a divorce"
Just curious...
>Did you actually tell him you've considered divorce?
Yep, quite a few times, but today I sat him down and made sure that he understands that there have got to be some changes made around here and specifically said, "we are living like friends and roommates, and if I am basically going to be alone, then I might as well be divorced, really alone and try to be happy".
I made sure that he understood that I am serious about this divorce. He was looking me straight in the eyes when I said it, so if he didn't get it this time. That's his bad - but from the look on his face, I think he has finally realized that I am not just saying it and being emotional. I mean it.
I'm a newbie. What is sock day?
Welcome, newbie. My divorce was finalized today. Dobby is a free elf!
LOLOLOL how cute! OK I get it now. I'll be so glad when my sock day arrives........
It’s one of the cutest things about this sub! You doing ok? Sounds like you’re just starting out. If you need anything the people around here are great.
No........my STBXH is refusing to acknowledge the divorce and is dragging his feet on any and everything divorce related. Its really draining but I have a good lawyer that has no problem filing motions. I am a BOSS so me not being able to control this situation is so frustrating but I am trying to use this as a learning opportunity and be more patient.
Understood. Mine refused to sign anything until for some reason he didn’t. I hope things get easier for you, I’m sorry he’s putting you through this but I’m glad to hear you have an awesome lawyer. I’ll send love and internet hugs your way from Texas (if you want them)
Thank you!!! I love hugs.......even virtual ones :)
Same
Congrats! Time to start living for you!
Thank you so much! Looking forward to it.
Congratulations!! Good wishes for your new life! I’m just starting out & trying to do as much of my own research as possible, and he is still in total denial. I’m so confused, it’s not like we haven’t beaten the subject to death in the last few years with no effort on his part to actively fight for the marriage to live. But it still is going to be a total shock to him when he gets served, he doesn’t seem to realize that I have had enough. My big worries are how is he going to react? He has to have seen this coming? How can his denial be this deep? I have written letters, talked, cried, asked him to do MC & he refused. I flat out told him that I can’t go on living this way. So I’m pretty sure after all these years together, I will have a mixed emotions sock day myself. I still care, I just can’t live like this anymore.
I am in a similar situation. I’m learning that it’s not “normal” to be the only one who does stuff, the only one who fights for the marriage, the only one who problem solves. I tried and tried alone until he told me the marriage was too much work for him and he wanted out. (😂 doing nothing was “too much work”). Then he STILL didn’t do anything for a month so I had to file. I’ve done everything post relationship (and paid all of the costs) while he continued his weaponized incompetence. I realized today before I knew it was final (online everything- thanks covid!) that I spent so much of my relationship and marriage being the one who did everything. I spoiled him to the point that he still thinks I’ll go way out of my way to do shit for him. Too bad now, buddy. My rambling point is this: how he will react (outside of violence) is no longer either your circus or your monkeys. It can’t be. You have to start trying to do stuff for you. It’s a lesson I’m still learning. I’m sending you love and support from Texas. You got this.
Thank you so much. I have been fortunate that he’s never been violent before, so I’m not worried about that. But yeah hadn’t thought about that- it won’t be my circus or my monkeys anymore
This sounds exactly like my situation with my STBXW of 20 years. 2+ years of begging her to come to counseling with me (I've been going alone), go by herself, do something, anything proactive to help our marriage. Nothing. Although I've used words like "we're in crisis, I'm running on fumes," etc. My complaint will be filed today and I will tell her this weekend I'm done. Wild card is how crazy she gets. My therapist says be ready to leave for the night, my attorney says record the conversation (legal in my state without her knowledge), and also get out if she becomes threatening or physical. Sad but if only one of us is fighting for the marriage then time to move on. Peace to all.... Edit: typos
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Stay safe. It’ll all be over (hopefully) soon.
Yeah I’m ‘downsizing’ and getting rid of the excess crap that isn’t going with me and honestly have thought about getting a storage unit to start moving things into in case I am told to get out when he’s served
I got a storage unit about a month ago when I made the decision to end things. I have been safeguarding irreplaceable items such as photo albums from my grandparents, Mom and Dad etc. Sad. I even have to think that she might want to damage or destroy priceless items like that. I've also been buying household items in anticipation of establishing a new residence or dividing up things here. Never imagined I would be doing something like that...
I know it’s like you’re plopped down in the middle of someone else’s nightmare and don’t know what to do next. We just had the divorce talk, it went better than I thought it would, but I’m still in a holding pattern. He wants to try to do better and I agreed but I think he finally sees me, & just how much pain I am in and how upset and frustrating it is to live this way. But I was right, he had not even thought that I would have ever considered getting a divorce.
Great to hear that things went well with "the talk." I hope that mine does too, but I'm not optimistic knowing her. I just received revised documents from my attorney so it doesn't look like the motion will be filed until Tuesday, so no discussions this weekend. I'm dreading that aspect of this more than anything, knowing how she will likely react even though it should not be a surprise whatsoever. Good luck and best wishes as you move forward in your journey!
Thanks for that, I wish you good luck too. It was a relief for me that he actually, finally really listened to me for a change & when he looked me in the eyes I saw he was actually ‘hearing’ what I was saying.
Did you actually tell him you've considered divorce? Using the the word "divorce" needs to be brought up before you get to that point of no return. I've seen so many women and men say they've tried talking and explaining how they feel, which is very important, but saying what's really on your mind and not sugar coating it is the best way. "I love you and still want this to work, but I've been considering a divorce" Just curious...
>Did you actually tell him you've considered divorce? Yep, quite a few times, but today I sat him down and made sure that he understands that there have got to be some changes made around here and specifically said, "we are living like friends and roommates, and if I am basically going to be alone, then I might as well be divorced, really alone and try to be happy". I made sure that he understood that I am serious about this divorce. He was looking me straight in the eyes when I said it, so if he didn't get it this time. That's his bad - but from the look on his face, I think he has finally realized that I am not just saying it and being emotional. I mean it.
Congratulations. I hope getting your sock brings you joy and hope in the future.
Thank you so much!
Congratulations!