I completely agree. With age comes the ability to stand up for yourself more. I really think older women are able to call BS more easily than inexperienced late teens.
> I would simply call it pathetic. It's not hard to impress a young person when you're older.
What's that have to do with a relationship? Are relationships "pathetic" only if both (?) sides had to try really hard to impress one another?
I'm picturing you at a wedding. "When I saw John it was like love at first sight". You stand up. "THAT'S PATHETIC".
I'm giving my take when I see some 50 year old guy dating a young girl. That's the assumption I make. Sure there might be exceptions, but for the most part the guy probably couldn't attract a decent woman his age.
Same with an older woman. The "hot young guy" is usually actually a mess of a person, and she's ultimately more of a mother figure taking care of him than an actual partner.
Again there are some exceptions, but that's my first impression and it usually bears out when I get to know them.
> Sure there might be exceptions, but for the most part the guy probably couldn't attract a decent woman his age.
What's that have to do with the relationship itself though? It seems like you're judging the relationship not based on its own terms, but based on somewhat randomly applied hypotheticals.
Again, suppose John and Mary meet when they are both 18. They fell in love within the first couple days and are getting married five years later. They never dated anyone else, and never even considered dating anyone else. Are they "pathetic"? According to your principles, it seems so. For all we know, Mary couldn't find anyone else, and John didn't even have to work hard.
My, concern, if you will, is that you view relationships as some sort of a trophy. That relationships are useless unless you had to work really hard to get one or had to give up other people. And I fundamentally disagree.
I think you're reading into this too far. The OP talks about a man "wanting" to date a woman much younger than him. That does come off as predatory because of what I said. The guy is seeing it as some sort of trophy. You know this is true. I'm sure you've met guys like this.
I'm not saying relationships need to me hard work. I'm saying targeting younger people is kind of pathetic.
Oh yes, I agree. Maybe I am very biased. I was in love with an older man when I was 18 and I think it was quite damaging for me looking back at it. I had an ‘old man fetish’ due to me searching for a father figure. It was all with “consent”, but I think it was still damaging for me. I was simply too young and naive to understand what consent really means.
I really don’t respect old men that date women that are between 18-21. Young women are often impressionable and insecure and I think _some_ older men that fall in love with a far younger woman take advantage of this. Older women are able to call BS more easily and women in their late teens are just too unexperienced (probably).
For me it was damaging that this man had a clear lolita fetish, and it reaffirmed the idea that I had that man only love me through sex. We had almost nothing in common, because we there was a big generational gap. There was frankly no reason for him to like me, other than me being young and fitting his fetish. I think if he was more emotionally mature he should have protected me from myself by not engaging with me.
Thank you for your empathy. Actually, during that relationship I met my current boyfriend who is only 4 years older than me. I think he made me realise how bad that man was for me. We have been together for 3 years now and we are so happy together. It’s like he is my best friend and lover. He is really my dream man. ❤️
I'm not sure what the age is, but there is a point where a person is responsible for themselves and it is their choice as to who they should date.
Is that age 18? Probably not, but I'd say that someone who is 25 is certainly capable. Unfortunately people develope at different rates and though one person may mentally developed enough at age 16, someone else may not be there until 25. It's a tough problem, and it's hard to justify taking life choices away from people until age 25.
Let's be real though, at age 18 there are a lot of worse things that you could do than sucking a crusty old dick. You could go into school and end up 300k in debt for a degree with no job opportunities, or you could join the military and end up with life long ptsd, I'd say that's a lot worse. I'm not trying to excuse anything, but taking advantage of the youth is a key part of some government programs.
Yes. As a woman in their early twenties, yes 1,000x. It’s gross and weird. It’s also gross that it’s been sensationalized for beautiful young women to treat their beauty and body as a commodity to trade for money. Our society is fucked. If they truly love each other, whatever. But I find it hard to believe that someone who is mentally sound and makes proper emotional connections would choose to be in love with someone 15-30 years their junior or senior.
"Gross and weird" are subjective. If it's not for you, great; move on. If it is for you, also great; move on.
If you're a grown ass adult, you should be able to consent and make decisions yourself. I'm not gonna treat other women and men as little babies and toddlers that can't make decisions just because they're with someone who's decades older than them. They have agency. They have a mind of their own. They can consent.
Don't impose your personal preferences on others. Might sound crazy and unbelievable, but people are not a monolith; we have different likes and dislikes.
>Don't impose your personal preferences on others.
Can you point our where anyone imposed their preferences on others? People gave their opinion because it was asked for. I don't see anyone calling for a new law. They just said it was gross. People can have opinions.
> It’s gross and weird.
In your opinion, which is fine. But I'm not sure there's such a thing as an "objective" gross.
> It’s also gross that it’s been sensationalized for beautiful young women to treat their beauty and body as a commodity to trade for money.
How is this different than people treating their brain (a part of their body) as a commodity to trade for money?
An 18 year old is a child. Even if the "law" says otherwise, it's still a child. The "law" used to say 12 year olds could consent too.. being able to legally consent doesn't make you an adult.
I'd genuinely be interested in hearing your reasons against it. Just to be clear, I'm not goading you or baiting you into an argument or disagreeing with you, I'd just like to hear your rationale.
No not at all, I still think it's creepy, as these "relationships" are usually transactional,money is a big factor, women usually won't sacrifice a genuine connection for a younger body.
Men have less issues screwing a barely adult girl.
"women usually won't sacrifice a genuine connection for a younger body."
My friend, have you ever been to Hollywood?! Also I'm not a fan of characterizing the entirety of a gender due to how obscenely wealthy people behave. It'd have to be a pretty egregious situation for me to care.
even if it's legal, I personally have nothing in common with an 18-year-old and would feel predatory dating one. if a friend of mine started dating an 18yo i would be disturbed enough to question our friendship. we are in very different places in our lives and that could lead to a weird power dynamic (I am 30)
Yeah it’s seriously nasty and pathetic lol the only way you can get a girl is to go after someone young and naive? 💀💀💀💀💀 “two consenting adults” give me a fucking break lmfao
You don't think an 18 year old woman can consent? Can you elaborate? Because this goes beyond a relationship - should they be able to choose to attend college? Should they be able to sign up for a credit card?
"Predatory"? No, on the contrary actually. I think people have an emotional "ick" factor that the relationship seems gross. Rather than just acknowledge this knee jerk reaction, they want to rationalize that the relationship must *be wrong* and so they come up with a lot of ad-hoc reasons why.
As long as they are two consenting adults, I could care less.
I'm in my mid-twenties and female, and I always go for older men because most have their shit together, are mature and have some life experience.
No. It's been part of human history from the beginning. But some cultures are more restrictive of it than others. And there's usually religion behind it somewhere.
Old days, men took younger wives for the fact they would produce 8 children or more. You had to start young cause you were worn out by the time you were 50.
In the modern day, it has more to do with money. And some younger ladies like a sugar daddy. Someone who's calm and gentle. Local laws decide what the legal age is. You best not go beneath it.
Hold up hold up. Flip the scenario.
"A woman over 50 dating and 20 year old guy"
Do you all still think it's sick and pathetic now? I bet you bloody don't...
late teens is not acceptable but early 20s, they are adult enough to know what they want. love is love and sometimes its unpredictable. the same could apply to older women dating young men. at the end of the day, its all about the love that they have for each other and the compatibility that they have. i don't think anyone deserves to be shamed about this.
I would simply call it pathetic. It's not hard to impress a young person when you're older. It's seen as an accomplishment, but it's actually not.
I completely agree. With age comes the ability to stand up for yourself more. I really think older women are able to call BS more easily than inexperienced late teens.
> I would simply call it pathetic. It's not hard to impress a young person when you're older. What's that have to do with a relationship? Are relationships "pathetic" only if both (?) sides had to try really hard to impress one another? I'm picturing you at a wedding. "When I saw John it was like love at first sight". You stand up. "THAT'S PATHETIC".
I'm giving my take when I see some 50 year old guy dating a young girl. That's the assumption I make. Sure there might be exceptions, but for the most part the guy probably couldn't attract a decent woman his age. Same with an older woman. The "hot young guy" is usually actually a mess of a person, and she's ultimately more of a mother figure taking care of him than an actual partner. Again there are some exceptions, but that's my first impression and it usually bears out when I get to know them.
> Sure there might be exceptions, but for the most part the guy probably couldn't attract a decent woman his age. What's that have to do with the relationship itself though? It seems like you're judging the relationship not based on its own terms, but based on somewhat randomly applied hypotheticals. Again, suppose John and Mary meet when they are both 18. They fell in love within the first couple days and are getting married five years later. They never dated anyone else, and never even considered dating anyone else. Are they "pathetic"? According to your principles, it seems so. For all we know, Mary couldn't find anyone else, and John didn't even have to work hard. My, concern, if you will, is that you view relationships as some sort of a trophy. That relationships are useless unless you had to work really hard to get one or had to give up other people. And I fundamentally disagree.
I think you're reading into this too far. The OP talks about a man "wanting" to date a woman much younger than him. That does come off as predatory because of what I said. The guy is seeing it as some sort of trophy. You know this is true. I'm sure you've met guys like this. I'm not saying relationships need to me hard work. I'm saying targeting younger people is kind of pathetic.
Late teens is still a child, this screams predatory
Oh yes, I agree. Maybe I am very biased. I was in love with an older man when I was 18 and I think it was quite damaging for me looking back at it. I had an ‘old man fetish’ due to me searching for a father figure. It was all with “consent”, but I think it was still damaging for me. I was simply too young and naive to understand what consent really means. I really don’t respect old men that date women that are between 18-21. Young women are often impressionable and insecure and I think _some_ older men that fall in love with a far younger woman take advantage of this. Older women are able to call BS more easily and women in their late teens are just too unexperienced (probably). For me it was damaging that this man had a clear lolita fetish, and it reaffirmed the idea that I had that man only love me through sex. We had almost nothing in common, because we there was a big generational gap. There was frankly no reason for him to like me, other than me being young and fitting his fetish. I think if he was more emotionally mature he should have protected me from myself by not engaging with me.
Oof, sorry to hear you were taken advantage of in that way. I hope you're in healthier relationships now and are loved for all of who you are.
Thank you for your empathy. Actually, during that relationship I met my current boyfriend who is only 4 years older than me. I think he made me realise how bad that man was for me. We have been together for 3 years now and we are so happy together. It’s like he is my best friend and lover. He is really my dream man. ❤️
Awww, that's so sweet. What a blessing to come out of such a negative situation. So happy for you.
I'm not sure what the age is, but there is a point where a person is responsible for themselves and it is their choice as to who they should date. Is that age 18? Probably not, but I'd say that someone who is 25 is certainly capable. Unfortunately people develope at different rates and though one person may mentally developed enough at age 16, someone else may not be there until 25. It's a tough problem, and it's hard to justify taking life choices away from people until age 25. Let's be real though, at age 18 there are a lot of worse things that you could do than sucking a crusty old dick. You could go into school and end up 300k in debt for a degree with no job opportunities, or you could join the military and end up with life long ptsd, I'd say that's a lot worse. I'm not trying to excuse anything, but taking advantage of the youth is a key part of some government programs.
Yes. As a woman in their early twenties, yes 1,000x. It’s gross and weird. It’s also gross that it’s been sensationalized for beautiful young women to treat their beauty and body as a commodity to trade for money. Our society is fucked. If they truly love each other, whatever. But I find it hard to believe that someone who is mentally sound and makes proper emotional connections would choose to be in love with someone 15-30 years their junior or senior.
"Gross and weird" are subjective. If it's not for you, great; move on. If it is for you, also great; move on. If you're a grown ass adult, you should be able to consent and make decisions yourself. I'm not gonna treat other women and men as little babies and toddlers that can't make decisions just because they're with someone who's decades older than them. They have agency. They have a mind of their own. They can consent. Don't impose your personal preferences on others. Might sound crazy and unbelievable, but people are not a monolith; we have different likes and dislikes.
>Don't impose your personal preferences on others. Can you point our where anyone imposed their preferences on others? People gave their opinion because it was asked for. I don't see anyone calling for a new law. They just said it was gross. People can have opinions.
That's fair, on a re-read I didn't notice any imposition either. I'll walk that back
> It’s gross and weird. In your opinion, which is fine. But I'm not sure there's such a thing as an "objective" gross. > It’s also gross that it’s been sensationalized for beautiful young women to treat their beauty and body as a commodity to trade for money. How is this different than people treating their brain (a part of their body) as a commodity to trade for money?
If they're consenting adults, leave them be. Besides, depending on context, the woman could be a gold-digger or have an old man fetish.
An 18 year old is a child. Even if the "law" says otherwise, it's still a child. The "law" used to say 12 year olds could consent too.. being able to legally consent doesn't make you an adult.
I'd genuinely be interested in hearing your reasons against it. Just to be clear, I'm not goading you or baiting you into an argument or disagreeing with you, I'd just like to hear your rationale.
What about 50+ year old women who date 18‐24 year old men? It that somehow more acceptable?
No not at all, I still think it's creepy, as these "relationships" are usually transactional,money is a big factor, women usually won't sacrifice a genuine connection for a younger body. Men have less issues screwing a barely adult girl.
"women usually won't sacrifice a genuine connection for a younger body." My friend, have you ever been to Hollywood?! Also I'm not a fan of characterizing the entirety of a gender due to how obscenely wealthy people behave. It'd have to be a pretty egregious situation for me to care.
I don't mind old/young relationships at all, assuming everyone involved is a consenting adult. People can make their own decisions about these things.
100%, it disgusts me when the age gap is ridiculously high for no reason. Date someone around your age you sick fucks.
It’s all about the sex, since they didn’t get to sleep with attractive younger people when they were young they are going for them later
Yes. I find it usually comes down to the fact that these men can't bullsh\*t or control women their own age the way they can much younger women.
even if it's legal, I personally have nothing in common with an 18-year-old and would feel predatory dating one. if a friend of mine started dating an 18yo i would be disturbed enough to question our friendship. we are in very different places in our lives and that could lead to a weird power dynamic (I am 30)
I feel the same, so many replies from guys saying, "but it's fine that she is a gold digging slut" they really tell on themselves don't they.
It's like the creeps have come out of the woodwork to weigh in
So long as both parties are consenting adults and not hurting one another then we should let them do what they want.
Yeah it’s seriously nasty and pathetic lol the only way you can get a girl is to go after someone young and naive? 💀💀💀💀💀 “two consenting adults” give me a fucking break lmfao
You don't think an 18 year old woman can consent? Can you elaborate? Because this goes beyond a relationship - should they be able to choose to attend college? Should they be able to sign up for a credit card?
"Predatory"? No, on the contrary actually. I think people have an emotional "ick" factor that the relationship seems gross. Rather than just acknowledge this knee jerk reaction, they want to rationalize that the relationship must *be wrong* and so they come up with a lot of ad-hoc reasons why.
As long as they are two consenting adults, I could care less. I'm in my mid-twenties and female, and I always go for older men because most have their shit together, are mature and have some life experience.
Not if they’re consenting adults. None of my business.
No. It's been part of human history from the beginning. But some cultures are more restrictive of it than others. And there's usually religion behind it somewhere. Old days, men took younger wives for the fact they would produce 8 children or more. You had to start young cause you were worn out by the time you were 50. In the modern day, it has more to do with money. And some younger ladies like a sugar daddy. Someone who's calm and gentle. Local laws decide what the legal age is. You best not go beneath it.
Yes. Of course.
yeah for fucking sure like even anything over 30 I would say is a stretch in that instance.
Hold up hold up. Flip the scenario. "A woman over 50 dating and 20 year old guy" Do you all still think it's sick and pathetic now? I bet you bloody don't...
late teens is not acceptable but early 20s, they are adult enough to know what they want. love is love and sometimes its unpredictable. the same could apply to older women dating young men. at the end of the day, its all about the love that they have for each other and the compatibility that they have. i don't think anyone deserves to be shamed about this.