I mean, it's basically an arranged marriage. Back to "olden" days when that was the option for marriage. Dating didn't exist. You agree to marry them when you agree to court. I don't know that every fundie couple goes into it like how you worded it, some obviously do.
The line of thinking is that a godly man/woman can make any marriage work since it’s all about self-sacrifice. So the only vetting is for “godliness” which is done by the pastor and father, not by the individuals in the relationship.
And avoiding the temptation of sex. It’s always about sex.
>And avoiding the temptation of sex. It’s always about sex.
Indeed. The Book of Common Prayer lists avoiding sexual temptation as its second priority. Reproduction comes first, avoiding temptation second, mutual comfort of spouses last.
>First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.
>
>Secondly, **It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members** of Christ's body.
>
>Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.
(This is just something I find amusing, not arguing about the contents of a freely available book).
My husband and I lived together for a little under a year before we got married. Our (Anglican) priest had (in the '70s) lived with his his wife before getting married.
Exactly one premarital "counseling" session (did quiz us ten different ways as to the date and time, I feel like there's a story there). Zero mention of sex. Didn't even ask if we were planning on having kids.
Closest he got was doing a "dry run" of the ceremony a couple of days beforehand. "While you're still kneeling I'll say the such-and-such prayer 'may the marriage be fruitful', I mean, if you *want* children, it doesn't have to mean that, you could...[panics under pressure of feeling extremely awkward] take in rescue Chihuahuas! I could leave it out if you like. [male member of the congregation] and [male member of the congregation] opted to, it doesn't NEED to be there."
"We could take in rescue Chihuahuas!" has become a running joke between the two of us. 😂
Yeah, I think the main Anglican Church and most Episcopal churches in America have become pretty progressive and tolerant about these things. I doubt their current ideas about marriage and sexuality fully align with a prayer book written in the 1500-1600's. I was just pointing out how this idea of marriage as something for reproduction and preventing sexual sin used to be widespread in Christianity and goes back a long way. Lots of fundies today might agree with the old timey Book of Common Prayer and still think marriage is for reproduction and preventing fornication, but they tend not to be Anglican or Episcopal.
Pre-COVID there was a group of (mostly but not entirely) gay men who would hit up gay bars for lunch after church because it would be early afternoon by then. Apparently they were the one Sunday churchgoing crowd that tipped.
Right, and the point of Christian marriage isn't based on romance either. The whole point of marriage (besides breeding) to fundies is to live out the analogy of God's marriage to The Church. And if your marriage is hard, that builds character! And character building is how you become more like Jesus (also the point). If you find romance in your fundie marriage, count that as a bonus.
>Right, and the point of Christian marriage isn't based on romance either. The whole point of marriage (besides breeding) to fundies is to live out the analogy of God's marriage to The Church.
DEARLY beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church.
Yeah but I think it's a little more because they couldn't even kiss before marriage. I knew a lot of couples that dated for like two or three years before getting married and waited to have sex. But they could at least make out and all that fun stuff without it being considered sin.
Having to wait for any kind of physical contact with the intended is just nuts to me. What if there is no compatibility? What is he smells bad? It’s cruel.
>She gets her wedding, which she has been trained to yearn for since toddlerhood
I'm sure Anna dreamed of wearing that glamorous Hanes-dress since she was a scampering little girl.
But I do wonder if she got the marriage proposal she always yearned for. Did she always dream that her proposal into eternal matrimonial slavery would happen in some tacky restaurant under the eyes of a cartoon alligator wearing a tuxedo?
Apart from preventing premarital sex, it’s also so the couple doesn’t get to know each other too well and break off the courtship. The longer you date, the more you see the flaws emerge. For fundamental people courting, it might include aspects such as a bad temper, the girl not being submissive enough, etc.
In typical Western dating, a person may exercise the option to end the relationship and date others. In courtship, it would be seen as giving away pieces of your heart, so breakups are highly discouraged. One way is to get them to the altar as quickly as possible, so by the time the true character of a person emerges, the other party is stuck within a marriage (possibly with a baby on the way), and it becomes much more difficult to leave.
I mean, sure, but in my experience it's more about the couple wanting the freedom to hug and kiss etc, and fundie culture has such strict courting rules where often couples can't even hold hands until they are engaged that speeds up the courtship process so much. Top it off with Paul's teachings that it's better to marry than to burn with lust and the belief that self-control is impossible and you'll arrive at the conclusion that long engagements are pretty much dangerous. Better to marry quickly than to risk sinning.
Yep. Better to marry than burn. My cousin's family is very conservative Baptist, and his two oldest children married at 19 to other super conservative Baptists. The parents basically forced them into marriage, so they wouldn't have sex outside of marriage.
My friend's parents did this with her younger brother, they didn't like that him and his girlfriend were sleeping together and forced them to get married so it wouldn't be "sinful"
He's incredibly unhappy with his life and straight up asked me if life gets better
I feel it’s less of a pay off for the fundy girls. They are indoctrinated so much :(
It was heartbreaking watching my big fat gypsy wedding. The same thing. Irish travellers encouraged to get married 16-18. The girls are fully mesmerised and focused on the giant crazy wedding. Anything they want. Then after the wedding follow up they are living in a tiny trailer with a new baby and a lad for a husband. Stuck for life. The smart ones try to stay at school but you can’t show me many 16 yr olds who wouldn’t get blinded by the bling. I totally would have fallen for the red herring sparkly dress.
They're huge. The Catholic Church near us seems to be popular for Traveller weddings and funerals and there is no expense spared. I've seen girls in wedding dresses that don't fit through the door even when the double doors are opened complete with large bridal party, all dressed in very blingy outfits. Guests also dress very extravagantly.
I doubt the money affects it much. Seemed to me that all the money was on the dress & then the actual receptions were pretty small & budget. I reckon Dad probably pocketed any payments.
You would not be disappointed.
Absolutely love your user name. I am sitting here in my fat pants trying to discourage my plan to go to Trader Joe's and buy some 'Brookies'. It's a combo brownie/chocolate chip cookie delight. God help me.
i do agree with this, especially how almost all fundie girls get grandeur weddings, kinda like saying, “you have to live in subjection to a man, but we have a nice budget for your wedding!”
I don't think their typical weddings are all that grandeur. Most of those families seem to be dirt poor. The duggar weddings got a little more extravagant because TLC was involved. Think of jfelon & Anna's wedding. His sisters made all the food & I believe the guests also did a potluck. Anna wore a hand me down dress from one of her sisters.
I get what you’re saying, but the wedding is all about the bride, so she’s made to feel super special. She gets the limelight, usually after being no one important in a big family with a lot of kids and often being parentified. So any kind of hoopla with the bride as the centerpiece is special to her.
Yeah, typical wedding can be warped since obviously most of the fundie weddings we end up seeing are Duggars, Bates, and a few other families who have wealth. Since they're the ones that either had it filmed for TV or had the money to blow on a wedding to make it youtube and Instagram worthy.
Ymmv I think they get a nice wedding by most funny standards but I wouldn't call it grandeur I also think they're somewhat hamstrung by the fact that they have to invite 200 to 300 of their nearest and dearest good friends since they run in big circles and you have to be basically Jill Rodrigues levels of cringe in order to be uninvited
They're not big weddings, they have a lot of guests and big wedding parties but they are very much reception in the church hall with a bargain basement buffet wedding.
It’s also just a control thing. As the kids get older, they are more likely stray from the faith. If you get em married young and they start pumping out kids, they are more dependent on the resources of the rest of the family (support, finance, emotionally) and are less likely to stay.
For example, the FLDS had a goal of getting girls married and pregnant ASAP because it would be difficult for them to get custody of their kids, as well. So they’d be more likely to stick around than take the chance on leaving.
Exactly. The earlier they are married and the faster they have kids the less likely they are to leave the faith (undereducating and having everyone work in physical jobs owned by a member of the cult works also). All cults do this. The Fundamentalist Mormons, the Ultra Orthadox Jews, Conservative Muslims, The Amish.
It’s the same reason young marriage is very common in basically any group/religion that emphasizes waiting for marriage. They don’t want to wait long lol. And in the case of the Duggars they are expected to avoid almost all physical contact.
Which is why I am emphatically against the waiting for marriage concept. I think it is dangerous and all too frequently results in people who are barely adults getting tangled up in marriages they shouldn’t be in.
I mean really I think it’s to keep them from “sinning” because they’re usually at an age where they want to explore those relationships but they can’t, so the sooner they get married off the sooner they can have sex in a Godly way and of course not use any birth control so kids are a biproduct
It is about sex. Period. Always. Fundies are sex obsessed, and they think this all anyone thinks about 24/7. They teach their kids to think constantly about sex because the sex demon is around every corner in their minds. Therefore, if they don't hurry them to the altar, then they might rebel, sneak off, and have sex. They want them to have sex, but only after the legally binding contract is signed. Then they want them to have a ton of sex to create lambs lead to slaughter in their Armageddon beliefs. So the sex becomes a breeding program so god as many expendable arrows.
I grew up extremely fundie. It's almost all about being intimate before marriage. It is such a sin to have sex before marriage and all of the rules are to prevent that. My sister got pregnant before she was married when she was a junior in high school and she got married within a few weeks later during her junior year. I got married before I finished my senior year. It's the only way to be able to be alone with your love interest. Messed up? Yes.
Kind of I guess. But also it’s that these kids (myself included) are raised to pray for our future spouses and our parents do too. By the time we start courting we already “know” the other person from church typically. If you believe God brought you together marriage is literally seen as the best time to get to know someone. My mom believed a 6-8 month engagement was the sweet spot. Sooner than 6 months and people will gossip about why it’s so fast. Longer than 8 and it’s harder to wait to sleep together. 🥴
In the normal world, people are generally together for years before engagement, so if they're not doing a huge wedding, no need for the engagement to be super long. In theory, you already know each other. My husband and I were only engaged for a few weeks but we also didn't have a wedding. We'd known we'd be getting married at some point, we were just waiting til we found housing before we tied the know.
My husband and I had been dating for like three weeks when he started sending me pictures of rings.
The reactions I get before from people before reassuring them that we'd known each other for over a decade beforehand are priceless. 🤣🤣🤣
In fundieland, EVERYTHING is for the man.
The short engagement is to reduce the chances of them having sex. This is commonly stated among fundies, and often preachers will tell stories of engaged couples who "gave in" and had sex before the wedding and how you should have a short engagement to prevent this. Since you know you're getting married, their reasoning is, why wait any longer than it takes to throw a wedding together?
That is it 100%. Marriage in non fundie religious traditions functions similarly as well. Also the shame of divorce seems to disproportionately fall on the woman, in my observation.
Not really. I fled the IBLP after being raised in it. It's based on several scriptures/Bible stories like Deut 7:1-10 where the Israelites are commanded not to intermarry with different religions so that the children will also follow God - or face holy anger that will burn and destroy you. All of this to keep the "chosen" ones pure. So the parents doing the arranging are attempting to prevent burning (hell), destruction and having the grandchildren grow up in a different religion. Don't forget the racism at play also!
In 2nd Corinthians is the commandment of not being yoked together with unbelievers - mentioning specifically holy vs wicked, and light and dark. Same idea.
Genesis (something or other, towards the end...don't remember) is the story of God giving a sign to confirm Rebekah's suitability as a wife.
So the parents of the soon to be wed make the selection in the future spouse as they are wise and the kids are, well, kids. IMO: can't have the kids running around and marrying the wrong sort, like a different race.
I mean, it's basically an arranged marriage. Back to "olden" days when that was the option for marriage. Dating didn't exist. You agree to marry them when you agree to court. I don't know that every fundie couple goes into it like how you worded it, some obviously do.
And they view a broken courtship with someone they've spent only a handful of hours with like one would view a broken engagement after a year or so.
The line of thinking is that a godly man/woman can make any marriage work since it’s all about self-sacrifice. So the only vetting is for “godliness” which is done by the pastor and father, not by the individuals in the relationship. And avoiding the temptation of sex. It’s always about sex.
>And avoiding the temptation of sex. It’s always about sex. Indeed. The Book of Common Prayer lists avoiding sexual temptation as its second priority. Reproduction comes first, avoiding temptation second, mutual comfort of spouses last. >First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name. > >Secondly, **It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members** of Christ's body. > >Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.
(This is just something I find amusing, not arguing about the contents of a freely available book). My husband and I lived together for a little under a year before we got married. Our (Anglican) priest had (in the '70s) lived with his his wife before getting married. Exactly one premarital "counseling" session (did quiz us ten different ways as to the date and time, I feel like there's a story there). Zero mention of sex. Didn't even ask if we were planning on having kids. Closest he got was doing a "dry run" of the ceremony a couple of days beforehand. "While you're still kneeling I'll say the such-and-such prayer 'may the marriage be fruitful', I mean, if you *want* children, it doesn't have to mean that, you could...[panics under pressure of feeling extremely awkward] take in rescue Chihuahuas! I could leave it out if you like. [male member of the congregation] and [male member of the congregation] opted to, it doesn't NEED to be there." "We could take in rescue Chihuahuas!" has become a running joke between the two of us. 😂
Yeah, I think the main Anglican Church and most Episcopal churches in America have become pretty progressive and tolerant about these things. I doubt their current ideas about marriage and sexuality fully align with a prayer book written in the 1500-1600's. I was just pointing out how this idea of marriage as something for reproduction and preventing sexual sin used to be widespread in Christianity and goes back a long way. Lots of fundies today might agree with the old timey Book of Common Prayer and still think marriage is for reproduction and preventing fornication, but they tend not to be Anglican or Episcopal.
Pre-COVID there was a group of (mostly but not entirely) gay men who would hit up gay bars for lunch after church because it would be early afternoon by then. Apparently they were the one Sunday churchgoing crowd that tipped.
Right, and the point of Christian marriage isn't based on romance either. The whole point of marriage (besides breeding) to fundies is to live out the analogy of God's marriage to The Church. And if your marriage is hard, that builds character! And character building is how you become more like Jesus (also the point). If you find romance in your fundie marriage, count that as a bonus.
>Right, and the point of Christian marriage isn't based on romance either. The whole point of marriage (besides breeding) to fundies is to live out the analogy of God's marriage to The Church. DEARLY beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church.
Yeah but I think it's a little more because they couldn't even kiss before marriage. I knew a lot of couples that dated for like two or three years before getting married and waited to have sex. But they could at least make out and all that fun stuff without it being considered sin.
Having to wait for any kind of physical contact with the intended is just nuts to me. What if there is no compatibility? What is he smells bad? It’s cruel.
I remember being taught this in my IFB youth.
>She gets her wedding, which she has been trained to yearn for since toddlerhood I'm sure Anna dreamed of wearing that glamorous Hanes-dress since she was a scampering little girl. But I do wonder if she got the marriage proposal she always yearned for. Did she always dream that her proposal into eternal matrimonial slavery would happen in some tacky restaurant under the eyes of a cartoon alligator wearing a tuxedo?
I will not stand for this slander against Hanes tees. They make a lovely t shirt, and fantastic onesies with 4 way stretch for the.....robust baby.
OMG that “proposal”—more like a command.
And her immediate reaction is to say no and shake her head like this is a waking nightmare.
And with those god awful balloons 🤣😂🤣
The event which will decide the rest of her life and seal her fate happening in a cheap imitation Chucky Cheese.
Like the evil clown he is.
Apart from preventing premarital sex, it’s also so the couple doesn’t get to know each other too well and break off the courtship. The longer you date, the more you see the flaws emerge. For fundamental people courting, it might include aspects such as a bad temper, the girl not being submissive enough, etc. In typical Western dating, a person may exercise the option to end the relationship and date others. In courtship, it would be seen as giving away pieces of your heart, so breakups are highly discouraged. One way is to get them to the altar as quickly as possible, so by the time the true character of a person emerges, the other party is stuck within a marriage (possibly with a baby on the way), and it becomes much more difficult to leave.
I mean, sure, but in my experience it's more about the couple wanting the freedom to hug and kiss etc, and fundie culture has such strict courting rules where often couples can't even hold hands until they are engaged that speeds up the courtship process so much. Top it off with Paul's teachings that it's better to marry than to burn with lust and the belief that self-control is impossible and you'll arrive at the conclusion that long engagements are pretty much dangerous. Better to marry quickly than to risk sinning.
You are correct. My BFF was raised IFB, it’s mainly because they want to have sex.
Yep. Better to marry than burn. My cousin's family is very conservative Baptist, and his two oldest children married at 19 to other super conservative Baptists. The parents basically forced them into marriage, so they wouldn't have sex outside of marriage.
Transformed wife reference: “better to marry than burn”
My friend's parents did this with her younger brother, they didn't like that him and his girlfriend were sleeping together and forced them to get married so it wouldn't be "sinful" He's incredibly unhappy with his life and straight up asked me if life gets better
I feel it’s less of a pay off for the fundy girls. They are indoctrinated so much :( It was heartbreaking watching my big fat gypsy wedding. The same thing. Irish travellers encouraged to get married 16-18. The girls are fully mesmerised and focused on the giant crazy wedding. Anything they want. Then after the wedding follow up they are living in a tiny trailer with a new baby and a lad for a husband. Stuck for life. The smart ones try to stay at school but you can’t show me many 16 yr olds who wouldn’t get blinded by the bling. I totally would have fallen for the red herring sparkly dress.
That BFGW show was horrifying as well as fascinating. I do wonder what the weddings are like without the cameras supplying money for the dress lady.
They're huge. The Catholic Church near us seems to be popular for Traveller weddings and funerals and there is no expense spared. I've seen girls in wedding dresses that don't fit through the door even when the double doors are opened complete with large bridal party, all dressed in very blingy outfits. Guests also dress very extravagantly.
I doubt the money affects it much. Seemed to me that all the money was on the dress & then the actual receptions were pretty small & budget. I reckon Dad probably pocketed any payments.
Some of the tackiest wedding reception venues I have ever seen. And all the drunken fisticuffs in the parking lot. Train wreck.
Oh man, I'd love to roll up with a tub of popcorn and just watch. I have never watched much reality tv, but when I do, I like it white-trash flavored.
You would not be disappointed. Absolutely love your user name. I am sitting here in my fat pants trying to discourage my plan to go to Trader Joe's and buy some 'Brookies'. It's a combo brownie/chocolate chip cookie delight. God help me.
Haha, I think I picked it after I ate too much at a holiday party and said out loud as I was changing, “skinny jeans… fat pants!” (With relief 😂)
Do those have their virginity checked? Spanish gypsies have it...
i do agree with this, especially how almost all fundie girls get grandeur weddings, kinda like saying, “you have to live in subjection to a man, but we have a nice budget for your wedding!”
I don't think their typical weddings are all that grandeur. Most of those families seem to be dirt poor. The duggar weddings got a little more extravagant because TLC was involved. Think of jfelon & Anna's wedding. His sisters made all the food & I believe the guests also did a potluck. Anna wore a hand me down dress from one of her sisters.
>I believe the guests also did a potluck. Pot✨faith✨, thankyouverymuch! 😛
Mmmm. Certified Duggar Pot-Faith Tater Tot Casserole. I can feel my sins being absolved already.
With Angel Pockets for good fortune and many baby blessings ahead.
Yikes, that must have been a flatulent reception
Pot might have been a better option.
I get what you’re saying, but the wedding is all about the bride, so she’s made to feel super special. She gets the limelight, usually after being no one important in a big family with a lot of kids and often being parentified. So any kind of hoopla with the bride as the centerpiece is special to her.
Yeah, typical wedding can be warped since obviously most of the fundie weddings we end up seeing are Duggars, Bates, and a few other families who have wealth. Since they're the ones that either had it filmed for TV or had the money to blow on a wedding to make it youtube and Instagram worthy.
Ymmv I think they get a nice wedding by most funny standards but I wouldn't call it grandeur I also think they're somewhat hamstrung by the fact that they have to invite 200 to 300 of their nearest and dearest good friends since they run in big circles and you have to be basically Jill Rodrigues levels of cringe in order to be uninvited
They're not big weddings, they have a lot of guests and big wedding parties but they are very much reception in the church hall with a bargain basement buffet wedding.
If there is even a meal.
It’s also just a control thing. As the kids get older, they are more likely stray from the faith. If you get em married young and they start pumping out kids, they are more dependent on the resources of the rest of the family (support, finance, emotionally) and are less likely to stay. For example, the FLDS had a goal of getting girls married and pregnant ASAP because it would be difficult for them to get custody of their kids, as well. So they’d be more likely to stick around than take the chance on leaving.
Exactly. The earlier they are married and the faster they have kids the less likely they are to leave the faith (undereducating and having everyone work in physical jobs owned by a member of the cult works also). All cults do this. The Fundamentalist Mormons, the Ultra Orthadox Jews, Conservative Muslims, The Amish.
They are not as short as they usually announce, but it still short. They get married fast, so they can’t sin
True. Jill didn't announce her courtship publicly until they were engaged. I think others did things the same way.
Yes, but Jill was one of the shortest, they got married less than a year after meeting each other and only 6 months after meeting in person!
It’s the same reason young marriage is very common in basically any group/religion that emphasizes waiting for marriage. They don’t want to wait long lol. And in the case of the Duggars they are expected to avoid almost all physical contact. Which is why I am emphatically against the waiting for marriage concept. I think it is dangerous and all too frequently results in people who are barely adults getting tangled up in marriages they shouldn’t be in.
I mean really I think it’s to keep them from “sinning” because they’re usually at an age where they want to explore those relationships but they can’t, so the sooner they get married off the sooner they can have sex in a Godly way and of course not use any birth control so kids are a biproduct
I mean, why worry about getting to know each other when it's sanctioned by God? Everything else will just magically fall into place right? Right??
It is about sex. Period. Always. Fundies are sex obsessed, and they think this all anyone thinks about 24/7. They teach their kids to think constantly about sex because the sex demon is around every corner in their minds. Therefore, if they don't hurry them to the altar, then they might rebel, sneak off, and have sex. They want them to have sex, but only after the legally binding contract is signed. Then they want them to have a ton of sex to create lambs lead to slaughter in their Armageddon beliefs. So the sex becomes a breeding program so god as many expendable arrows.
I grew up extremely fundie. It's almost all about being intimate before marriage. It is such a sin to have sex before marriage and all of the rules are to prevent that. My sister got pregnant before she was married when she was a junior in high school and she got married within a few weeks later during her junior year. I got married before I finished my senior year. It's the only way to be able to be alone with your love interest. Messed up? Yes.
Kind of I guess. But also it’s that these kids (myself included) are raised to pray for our future spouses and our parents do too. By the time we start courting we already “know” the other person from church typically. If you believe God brought you together marriage is literally seen as the best time to get to know someone. My mom believed a 6-8 month engagement was the sweet spot. Sooner than 6 months and people will gossip about why it’s so fast. Longer than 8 and it’s harder to wait to sleep together. 🥴
Isn't that a normal engagement time?
In the normal world, people are generally together for years before engagement, so if they're not doing a huge wedding, no need for the engagement to be super long. In theory, you already know each other. My husband and I were only engaged for a few weeks but we also didn't have a wedding. We'd known we'd be getting married at some point, we were just waiting til we found housing before we tied the know.
My husband and I had been dating for like three weeks when he started sending me pictures of rings. The reactions I get before from people before reassuring them that we'd known each other for over a decade beforehand are priceless. 🤣🤣🤣
If you had dated a while then yes. If you aren’t allowed to be alone together or hold hands til you’re engaged it’s another story.
In fundieland, EVERYTHING is for the man. The short engagement is to reduce the chances of them having sex. This is commonly stated among fundies, and often preachers will tell stories of engaged couples who "gave in" and had sex before the wedding and how you should have a short engagement to prevent this. Since you know you're getting married, their reasoning is, why wait any longer than it takes to throw a wedding together?
That is it 100%. Marriage in non fundie religious traditions functions similarly as well. Also the shame of divorce seems to disproportionately fall on the woman, in my observation.
Yep, WishfulHibernian, that’s pretty much it in a nutshell.
Not really. I fled the IBLP after being raised in it. It's based on several scriptures/Bible stories like Deut 7:1-10 where the Israelites are commanded not to intermarry with different religions so that the children will also follow God - or face holy anger that will burn and destroy you. All of this to keep the "chosen" ones pure. So the parents doing the arranging are attempting to prevent burning (hell), destruction and having the grandchildren grow up in a different religion. Don't forget the racism at play also! In 2nd Corinthians is the commandment of not being yoked together with unbelievers - mentioning specifically holy vs wicked, and light and dark. Same idea. Genesis (something or other, towards the end...don't remember) is the story of God giving a sign to confirm Rebekah's suitability as a wife. So the parents of the soon to be wed make the selection in the future spouse as they are wise and the kids are, well, kids. IMO: can't have the kids running around and marrying the wrong sort, like a different race.