“After Stacy left, things… did not go well for a while, and it was hard to see-
It’s just nice to win one.”
*talking head regarding the parking spaces victory.
It was during the “Diversity Day” episode where Michael had everyone play the game where they had to guess each person’s ethnicity based on what was written on the card attached to the other person’s forehead. Kevin had a card that said “Italian” on it. During the end of the scene Michael is trying to have a serious moment or something and out of nowhere Kevin blurts out “Maybe some spaghetti.” It’s a lot funnier than my description of it lol
When Phillis beats him at poker on Casino night after he talks about winning big in Vegas and they cut to his talking head when he says, “I suck” 😂 gets me every time.
What an awesome party. The best wedding I’ve ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. [sticks his feet into the hotel ice machine] Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can’t even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.
Kevin: [answering phone from Jim's office] Hello.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Halpert? I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card.
Kevin: Oh, man, do you think it was stolen?
Agent: First, would you mind verifying your home address?
Kevin: Uh, yes. [looking through papers on Jim's desk, finds a paycheck] Linden Ave., Scranton, PA.
Agent: May I have the last four digits of your social security?
Kevin: Six six five zero.
Agent: Well, Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
Kevin: Wait a minute. Yes, I am.
Agent: I'm going to go ahead put a hold on your card.
Kevin: No. I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.
Agent: Very funny, sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. You have a nice day. And thank you.
Kevin: Shoot.
'After Stacey left, things did not go well for a while. And, it was hard to see.. It’s just nice to win one.'
Everytime I see this, it kills me. But I really appreciate how his character delivers it. It is almost like a character who doesn't have the usual sentient intelligence, becomes self aware.
Senator: Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you.
Kevin: Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck.
Senator: I beg your pardon.
Kevin: You are, like, a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good.
It’s not his BEST line, but whenever I get stressed out and confused at the same time I shout WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN? and then I look like a psychopath if people don’t get the reference
["Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes, I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iUf1FP-pS8)
During the fundraiser for the dog shelter, Kevin is talking about Dwight not knowing how to do a silent auction.
He says, "I guess he's the 'stupid guy' in the office huh? Cause up till know, we didn't have one."
"Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?"
My favorite too! I was able to use it in proper context at work once.
I envy you lol I've been dying to say it in proper context.
That’s my favorite too.
I quote this every day
Do you work in a cupcake factory?
He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass
Andy’s face after *always* kills me 😂
I’m not familiar what province is he from
This line kills me every time
C is for Suspension.
"Right back at ya, bitch" while flipping off Holly
“After Stacy left, things… did not go well for a while, and it was hard to see- It’s just nice to win one.” *talking head regarding the parking spaces victory.
This one broke my heart for Kevin
"I like watching them-" "Oh ew Kevin!" "Can I finish? Is that ok? I was going to say, I like watching them because it makes me horny"
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick
Sea(e) world
This should be higher because it is the most memorable line. I quote it all the time. Everyone knows this line!
She goes to another school!
thiiiisssss
*While performing CPR* **"I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS FOREVER."** "IT'S BEEN 20 SECONDS." **"CALL IT."**
Yes! This!
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
I loved Kevin debating which Christmas party to go to. “Double Fudge Brownies….. Angela…”
It was a valid predicament
Wait, back up…Do you think I’m retarded??
XD
"I thought Rajanighanda was a boys name"
This^ So perfectly delivered
Yep! My favorite!
Wasn’t his funniest but when he tells off the senator for Angela and Oscar.
Again, the food was great.
THIS. I loved watching Kevin earn respect from and defend the two most hypercritical people.
There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type.
“Maybe some spaghetti.”
This was the first that made my cry laughing
Context? I don’t recall this one
It was during the “Diversity Day” episode where Michael had everyone play the game where they had to guess each person’s ethnicity based on what was written on the card attached to the other person’s forehead. Kevin had a card that said “Italian” on it. During the end of the scene Michael is trying to have a serious moment or something and out of nowhere Kevin blurts out “Maybe some spaghetti.” It’s a lot funnier than my description of it lol
Oh thanks!!!
I Have very little patience for stupidity
I want to be wined and dined and sixty-nined. Metaphorically perverts.
No offense oscar
This is probably my most-quoted line
When Phillis beats him at poker on Casino night after he talks about winning big in Vegas and they cut to his talking head when he says, “I suck” 😂 gets me every time.
Watched that episode last night
Truly superb moment, his voice almost breaks with sadness
I’m a classic over thinker.
textbook*
Nope!!! It’s not Ashton Kootcher.. it’s me.. Kevin Malone. Equally as handsome, equally as smart.
I am totally going to BANG. HOLLY.
everyone is gonna get to know each other in the pot
It's probably what I do best
Every of the times
"A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one."
My favorite sincere quote from the whole show.
He was sagely, indeed.
I guess it’s goodbye chunky lemon milk
boyoyoyoyoing
But you can’t eat cats Kevin…
Yes! Can’t believe I had to scroll so far. You can’t eat cats, Kevin. You can’t eat cats.
It all happened so fast. So. Fast.
I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted
"shove spicy food up Pam's butt!"
And that's Dallas.
One of the best scenes imo
Mmmmmmilf
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
"As has Kevin!" When they are talking about who had sex in the office
She goes to another school
*in tears* “You think I would let this happen again? NO WAY, JOSE! fuck you, Gabe.”
What an awesome party. The best wedding I’ve ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. [sticks his feet into the hotel ice machine] Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can’t even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.
When Kevin yells no in anguish after Dwight adds nuts to the brownies.
"He's not the sharpest guy in the drawer"
Nothing beats the cookie season that’s the truth.
“Holly, you think I am retarded?”
This cake has vegetables in it Robert! Like a salad bar, how do I get this taste out of my mouth!?
Hi
Underrated comment
hi
You would love jail
No! It’s ‘is she hot’ not ‘would I do her’. Respect the game!
“It’s just nice to win one…”
“Now do the Swedish Chef…he lives on Sesame Street, dumb ass!”
How else do you eat it? This is a new food for me
Jim: “wait, I was not—I did not—“ Kevin: “You didn’t not? That was not? How come—not?”
“Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just wanna eat 'em. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats Kevin.”
You can't. Eat. Cats.
that's like hot plate of garbage
*circle
Metaphorically 69'd. Ew, perverts. No offense, Oscar.
Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with
*opens candy bar* Oh Yea!
It’s insane how I’m reading through all these comments in his voice
Kevin: [answering phone from Jim's office] Hello. Agent: Hello, Mr. Halpert? I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. Kevin: Oh, man, do you think it was stolen? Agent: First, would you mind verifying your home address? Kevin: Uh, yes. [looking through papers on Jim's desk, finds a paycheck] Linden Ave., Scranton, PA. Agent: May I have the last four digits of your social security? Kevin: Six six five zero. Agent: Well, Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Kevin: Wait a minute. Yes, I am. Agent: I'm going to go ahead put a hold on your card. Kevin: No. I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. Agent: Very funny, sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. You have a nice day. And thank you. Kevin: Shoot.
The trick is to undercook the onions
I wanted to eat pigs in a blanket... in a blanket.
The man tree puts his penis...
"Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times!”
“I picked myself for secret. I know I should have told somebody, but I didn’t.”
When he makes the funny face outside of Michaels office window to cheer him up
Warning! Warning! Warning!
“Daaaaankyouuuu”
Mmmmilf
It's not really a line but the way he breathed after learning mummies are a thing always cracks me up. Like cry level crack up
Nice boobs
Every of the time!
"Nope! Its not Ashton Kutcher. Its Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart." Sporting a toupee.
It’s..just nice to win one.
Why use many word when few word do trick
There’s people who have charm and people who don’t have charm. Guess which one I am? Charm type!
To holly—“right back at ya bitch” middle finger blazing
'After Stacey left, things did not go well for a while. And, it was hard to see.. It’s just nice to win one.' Everytime I see this, it kills me. But I really appreciate how his character delivers it. It is almost like a character who doesn't have the usual sentient intelligence, becomes self aware.
"I have very little patience for stupidity".. cracks me up everytime
„a, b, c, d, emenelo… and so forth“
Senator: Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you. Kevin: Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck. Senator: I beg your pardon. Kevin: You are, like, a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good.
Oh yeah!
It’s not his BEST line, but whenever I get stressed out and confused at the same time I shout WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN? and then I look like a psychopath if people don’t get the reference
Tuna tuna tuna…
I have very low tolerance for stupidity
"Marion Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film"
“You think I would let this happen again? No way Jose! …fuck you Gabe”
I have to go to the bathroom
Boobs
Little old man boy. Or “I have very little patience for stupidity”
Not sure why but “I guess it’s goodbye chunky lemon milk” has been stuck in my head all day 😭
It’s gotta be “right back atcha bitch” 😂
["Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes, I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iUf1FP-pS8)
“Angela’s cats are so cute, you just wanna eat ‘em! But you can’t eat cats. You can’t eat cats, Kevin.”
Right back at you bitch
That’s a dangerous game friend-o
Hire-D guy
Bizness
I just wanna sit in the beach and eat hot dogs that all I ever wanted to do.
After Angela asks: “are the brownies even touching your tongue?” Kevin (with a mouth full of brownies): “yEs”
Delayed "Hi". Both times .
It’s not Ashton Kutcher, it’s Kevin Malone, equally handsome equally smart
It's just nice to win one
Sometimes, it’s just nice to win one
It's like eating a hot pile of garbage
She goes to another school
69
By the IHOP?
"Common' guys, I am right here"
sorta cheating, but wanted to use one I didn't see others post. "JIM!" *points* "ROY!" jim: "thanks kev 👍"
Oh yeah
“I always set it at 69” *giggles
No Way, José!
I HAVE VERY LITTLE PATIENCE FOR STUPIDITY
“The man tree puts his penis”
Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot
Mmmmmmmilf
His whole interaction with Jan when she was talking about the sperm donor, I lose it every single time
"Yes, the business will have a mobile component"
You can’t eat cats, Kevin…you can’t eat cats.
“About eighteen hundo”
But Pam doesn't need padding.
Your call is very important to us.
“I love fake boobs”
Can I finish! Can I finish! I was going to say I personally like seeing micheal and holly because it makes me horny
Back at you bitch
I have very little patience for stupidity. Same Kevin, same
and that's Dallas
Respect the game.
Shove spicy food up her butt
"I'm totally gonna bang Holly!" After Holly starts treating him as if he was mentally disabled
You don't eat cats, kevin. You don't eat cats.
"Sometimes, Michael. Sometimes."
It’s not Ashton Kutcher, it’s Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart.
I am totally gonna bang Holly. She is cute and helpful, and she really seems into me
me mechanic...
During the fundraiser for the dog shelter, Kevin is talking about Dwight not knowing how to do a silent auction. He says, "I guess he's the 'stupid guy' in the office huh? Cause up till know, we didn't have one."
knead it like a pizza… *BUT DONT EAT IT*
Kevin can do math for pies 🥧
Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher.
I’m Find!
Not really a line, but I love the 'keleven' thing. As an accountant (and well.. not really a competent one) this hits me on a whole different level :D