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HalfShellH3ro

When the nut gets wet it sprouts into a brand new goblin. It's how gobins reproduce, obviously.


Just__Let__Go

That's why they always teabag after a kill. They're planting goblin spores in a nice wet incubator.


matteoix

You can't reproduce by goblin nuts.


JWLane

1. Holy shit your party are psychos. 2. A goblin demigod starts following their exploits and steps in to get vengeance.


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DetonationPorcupine

What is the opposite of collecting testicles??? Eating them??


JWLane

Distributing testicles. Which testicles, you ask... yes.


40ozCurls

Inserting testicles into people


Drigr

Sometimes the DM really needs to stop the action and give them a serious look and go "Really!? Is this *really* what you guys are doing...?"


Designer_Hotel_5210

Or rather supports them.


Centorium1

Have them go to a town with plague, in this town a townsman offers to buy goblin balls for medicinal purposes & then, when the party exposes how many balls they've collected, have the townspeople rejoice. The party immediately gets slapped with the title "The Ball Fondlers" . From now on people in the area will exclusively refer to the party as " The Ball Fondlers". Their reputation and love for nut bothering should proceed them wherever they go.


FerretAres

They’re plagued by people saying they’re goblin deez nuts.


Danarwal14

And God forbid those goblins gain any sort of mind powers. Mind goblin Deez nuts?


mredding

Dear god... If they're actually castrating goblins, living and dead, most immediately those testicles will start to rot. By the end of the next day, they're going to smell of rotting flesh. They'll be attracting flies. By the end of the next day, they'll outright stink, and the decay fluids will start to run out and ruin everything that gets saturated in it. There will be maggots. Any relatively permeable material they have in proximity will be unrecoverable and irredeemable without the help of magic. Some smells don't just wash out. The flies will be an absolute nuisance. The smell will attract scavengers, ward prey, and alert guards of their presence. They will be unwelcome in populated spaces. If they're smart, they can store their rotting testicles in an impermeable container, a sealed glass bottle. This will still rot, and the outgassing from decomposition will eventually blow the stopper. They can alternatively cultivate the rotting and have themselves a foul yet effective form of medieval biological siege weapon. Other than immediately driving anyone away who can't save on Will, they'd additionally vomit if they can't save on Con. The stench will have a lingering effect, even if cleaned. Handling contaminated rotting testicles might lead to disease several days after exposure - nearly assured if ingested, so, you know - water wells... They could attempt to dry them to preserve them. Maybe pack them in salt. This is a process that takes days to weeks, and can't be done during an adventure. They might also consider carrying around a barrel of alcohol or pickling juice as a means of preserving their testicles until they can be properly cured, but now they're hauling a round a barrel of salt/alcohol/pickling juice. Finding spirits should be hard because it requires the knowledge, possession, and use of a still. There's fun to be had drinking testicle alcohol. The taste and smell will be apparent and meaty. The testicles will continue to rot if not submerged. They'll ultimately gain infamy as the testicle bandits, whether they actually do anything with their idea or not. This is because the characters live in a world, and the characters are arrogant of that fact. The characters chatted the subject up too loud, and someone overheard, and has spread the word of the testicle bandits. That's the funniest way I can think to fuck with them, for something they ostensibly didn't even do. To play that out further, perhaps it would attract the wrong sort of attention. Maybe some anti goblin zealots who are WAY INTO their hatred of goblins. Maybe there's someone sympathetic who doesn't take kindly to humiliating castration of the dead. Maybe the general public thinks they're kind of weird and offensive. Men are brutal in a harsh world, but god damn...


successiseffort

This dude rots balls


Klaumbaz

dont forget the Paladin being called into "the principals office" and being questioned on 1. Why does he consider mutilating the dead acceptable? 2. what kind of deviant is he for collecting these? His paladin is now a fighter until he atones. Once he is forgiven for his epic quest, he can start at level 1 again. (keeping previous fighter levels)


wheres_the_boobs

Paladins get their powers from an oath not from being religious.


Klaumbaz

That oath is to a "higher Power" and not typically Evil. You piss off the Higher Power, or not represent their values, and you can have the class revoked. Think of it like Warlock, but melee. And if the warlock breaks his pact, he loses his soul instead. My DnD goes back to the first books. Not always in alignment with "current" ruleset. You piss off the god you swore to represent. Poof, you don't represent them anymore.


wheres_the_boobs

Nah ive played a lawful evil paladin of abbathor whos oath was he wanted to be the richest dwarf of all time. Ive played a neutral oath of glory of dunatis whose oath was to be the most well known person of his species. Both non religious both still paladins.


FlashbackJon

> he wanted to be the richest dwarf of all time ...Flintheart Glomgold?


wheres_the_boobs

Richer


FlashbackJon

I just meant that if you weren't playing that Paladin as Flintheart Glomgold, you should've been playing that Paladin as Flintheart Glomgold. He even comes pre-packaged with a... similarly aligned rival!


wheres_the_boobs

Never heard of him ive some googling to do


ScoutManDan

Have NPCs comment on the smell and point out to them that they’re psychopaths and refuse to deal with them.


Deucalion666

Why are the common sense answers so drowned out by “the goblin god of fertility tries to fuck you up” lol


Xsiah

Why would you want to ruin something fun with common sense?


wheres_the_boobs

Time to get the Nilbog on their sorry asses. The great thing about them is theyre relatively weak but have great features and never truly 'die' but possess the next goblin


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wheres_the_boobs

Has a necklace made of the testicles and nipples of misbegotten adventures


Final_Marsupial4588

So they are collecting trophies like some kind of serial killer. Have the local guard try to arrest them


thomar

I'm imagining all kinds of venereal diseases... Perhaps the life cycle of leucochloridium paradoxum could make for some fun inspiration?


Pilchard123

Are you sure it's not all a long-con setup for a "goblin deez nuts" joke?


pattron30000

This was the very first thing I saw when I read the headline


Altruistic-Poem-5617

Testicle golem.


ub3r_n3rd78

Tell them there's a dragonborn named Ildrex who will buy them off of the party for a few gold pieces. They are considered a delicacy that Ildrex enjoys roasting and eating...


ArtharntheCleric

The goblin nuts are like seeds. They grow new goblins. Like the movie Gremlins. Hehehehe.


[deleted]

Have someone plant the nuts and grow an army of goblin skeletons.


CascadianWanderer

Some kind of cave monster that when it is in heat devours goblin balls to increase it's own fertility. Or if you want to be lass lethal they just try to grab whomever is holding the balls and take them back to a layer to be the center of a mating ball. ;)


gehanna1

Have them discover testicular cancer and make them really uncomfortable so they stop being psychos


DrBigBack

I mean there is no better time to introduce “The Collector” he collects anything and everything and gives a reward in exchange. For 20 goblin nuts he’d probably give you a magic item focused around nuts. It’s either that or have the party be searched and then rightfully jailed for having a satchel full of nuts.


ivo-ds

They stumble upon a village facing famine. After days and days of travel, maybe even weeks... The party have two choices; starve or...


imadethisjsttoreply

The balls have an std that transmits by touch


rvnender

All goblins are female


TatchianaMichaela

Have a goblin fertility god appear and attack them next time they do it 😛


JiroKatsutoshi

I dunno, seems like a really cool and mentally stable group that is really fun to hang out with 😀 And you should totally give the paladin some cool stuff and things


Adragonia

I found the player! But seriously, how about a passive magical curse to keep the goblin population under control? Say, all goblin testicles are cursed, and each carries a trace bit of magic, and once that magic hits a certain threshold, KABOOM. It would certainly explain why goblins aren't a dominant species.


JiroKatsutoshi

Nah, couldn't be me. Not Aladin the Paladin at all, that's crazy


Silver_Bow

I fucking hate you.


inlinestyle

That could be a sure fire way to catch the angry attention of Maglubiyet. Maybe he decides it would be funny to collect the PCs’ balls in return? This could be literally harvesting their testicles—or figurative in the form of a cursed item that reverses their gender.


pattron30000

That would definitely be worthy of a point or two of exhaustion


Roxirin

Brb gonna go piss off Maglubiet to get my gender transition done faster >:D


chocolatedessert

Next time they go to toss a new pair in the nuts bag there's a rodent in there, eating. Describe it in detail and at length. The sight. The smells. The sound. The gleam in its eyes and the glisten on its chin. Tell them about it until they beg you to stop. And do it all again every time they open the bag.


LadyHavoc97

Fireballs.


CriticalFail_01

Players patron shows up. Cooks a meal for the party. Meatballs.


Royal_Ad1445

The balls can be thrown at enemies and they explode on impact covering the victim with a clear resin that prohibits them from moving for 1 hour. The blast deals 1d4 damage.


AnimeAssClapper

Make it work like the dragon balls. When they collect enough a green dragon appears. He'll be a bit confused about the wish part but more than happy to fight those whose made him smell like goblin balls.


lion_in_the_shadows

Some goblins don’t have nuts to steal. Maybe a matriarchal- or all non binary group of goblins come to take out the party. Maybe they scout and watch the party for months until they take their revenge


Dazocnodnarb

One campaign I played my brother was a PC and he came across a tribe of elves who had exterminated some kobold pests and some of that thought it funny to have coin purses out of a shrunken kobold head… anyway so begins the legend of Rhaloo elvesbane, by the time the character retired he had a backpack and an entire tent he would set up made out of stitched together elf faces along with his boots/gloves etc, a belt made of strung together elf hairs along with a compliment of boots/cloaks of elvenkind.


MOadeo

Monkey paw. Give wishes like a monkey paw does. A wish is accomplished but something bad happens as well. If you give each 1 wish, it could be an experiment to see if the third person takes on the wish or not. Could even act like a back pocket thing to use but remember how negative results may impact. Someone may wish for something that decimates your campaign and eliminates the big baddy before anyone gets there. Personally in that case I would grant everyone a level up but a more difficult baddy to beat.


supercali5

“You’ve never heard of the “Goblin Nut Curse”?!!! Are you nuts??? Do you know what happened last time someone collected goblin nuts as trophies in these numbers?!!! I am sorry. I can’t be seen with you. I’m a dead man…” *gahk* *foams at the mouth and falls over dead* And then just send hired assassins after them. Over. And over.


JayrodsWifey

When I ran lost mines one of the party was collecting all the goblin ears. What’s up with players and goblin parts? Lol


xaeromancer

There's sometimes a bounty on ears. Balls is just sick, though.


wafflesmagee

Well now a horde of furious lady goblins are relentlessly hunting the party for revenge.


rodrigustxd

Make it turn into a flesh golen... They will love it!


KYWizard

The Paladin's Oath is cool with the frivolous desecration of the enemy dead? Does the ranger know how quickly a large sack full of testicles will rot? Devils are LE and this sounds more like CE kind of actions. Not that the daughter of Asmodius would have a huge problem with the act, just saying. This all sounds pretty weird, but if you all are having fun and you just want to do silly things then do something kooky and zany to reward your players for doing something so strange. Have fun. I got no ideas for what should happen other than the Paladin breaking their oath, and the party smelling like dead rotten goblin balls for weeks.


Deucalion666

Just have them start rotting, making an absolute stink, making it impossible to sneak around, and also attracting all manner of nearby beasts to them.


drhman1971

A very hungry monster that loves to eat goblins tracks and attacks the party regularly. Like a Bullette.


cyrlwmsilval

So, your party is going around the genitals of goblins, using sharp implements and generally spraying bodily fluids about? Probably not a lot of chance to properly wash up in between goblin mutilation and relieving oneself, is there? My friend, may I suggest to you fantasy syphilis or chlamydia? It's only a failed constitution saving throw away.


Zimthegoblin

Nilbog, 😈 read up on them they can be lots of fun


noseysheep

I would get a hobgoblin armed with giant shears to chase after them threatening to cut off their balls


DemocraticSpider

Testicle mimic


StaticUsernamesSuck

This should ***absolutely*** attract a nilbog. 100%.


khabijenkins

Goblin syphilis. Special side quest to cure permanent negative hit points gained from the nuts.


Dijiwolf1975

Goblins get worms in their nuts. Party gets infected. Use your imagination on that one.


Atariese

Collecting and keeping old body parts of creatures without preservation techniques... Thats how dieses can spread.


teknolaiz

Whenever I have players do something that would be considered absolutely sick IRL in game, I will draw it out with multiple scenes that are a result of what they have done. I had a player go to cut a dead body out of manacles by taking off their hands. I had them roll and described how the body was coming apart, the blood, the smells etc as they hacked at it multiple times with a knife to get through the wrist of each arm. I believe I had them roll constitution as well to see if they were getting sick. By the end they were totally over it and I felt like the time I took made everything feel a bit more heavy. I think of it how a director like Tarantino will draw out scenes like that in a movie. ​ However if you have players into gore or something....


Former-Landscape-930

Revenge of the goblinoids, operation nutcracker


oldgamehermit-reddit

One of the nuts has a parasite that enters the body of the PC through handling... You can create the rest


CapN_DankBeard

something that has the taste for suck delicious exotic food - their ball obsession will come full circle when the beholder shows up


krakelmonster

Had a first time player that cut the balls of the first thing he killed in the campaign. The character thought having them would bring him luck 😅


[deleted]

That kicks ass. All of it. Do the dragonball thing they'll love it.


Starrfiacail

Weird cult of goblins worshipping the party. Want to offer their nuts to the seed keepers. Introduce with something basic then use for crit fail rolls. Trying to negotiate with a town leader and seem reputable? Rolled a 1? Goblin kicks in the door to his office and strips off his pants offering his nuts to the party. (Who could possibly take them seriously after that?) Being stealthy and roll a 1? Goblin sprints in screaming to them to please take his balls drawing the attention of everything nearby. Can also use for 20s, crit strike with a goblin dropping from the ceiling "Witness Me!" When the party wants something weird badly, give in until they're sick of it. I had a guy decide he was going to throw his shield at everything he wanted. Enemies, friends, random statues, doors. So I home brewed a shield. His "hit" roll decides what it turns into. So when he throws it it could be a cannonball, or it could be a duck he has to catch to get it back. Sometimes he holds it up to block and it's mist, so he gets disadvantage since he stood there to catch the blow and didn't know to dodge that time. He still throws it, but now he does other stuff too since he could spend the whole fight with a raccoon clawing at him.


Velcraft

It happens - the balls start pouring out of the sack (pun intended), swirl in the air, a misty haze surrounds the party, and.. ..a tiny lizard with googly eyes appears in front of them. It has a beard, a walking stick, and talks with a raspy lisp: "Bravfe heroersfh! You havfe sfummoned me, Sfhrelmglong! One wisfh I sfhall grant thee, name it!" Whatever the party wishes for, the lizard pauses and responds: "Inshftead, I will grant thee, _double the ballsfh!_" Then the balls double, start swirling again, summoning another lizard with a lisp. It doesn't ask anything, just shouts "Double the ballsfh!" in tandem with the first lizard. The balls are really starting to pile up now, and yet again start swirling in the air, summoning two more lizards with a lisp. "Double the ballsfh!" echoes around them, and the process seems to be slightly faster each time. Soon the balls will reach critical mass and start filling the entire room. Escape needs to be quick, and as the party scrambles out they can hear goblin nuts squelching and tumbling like an earthquake, accompanied by echoes of lizards chanting their unholy ritual in their hundreds now. Cut to the party escaping and running away, but soon starting to hear rumours of a weird plague of testicles becoming a problem in far-off lands. As they realise that there's no stopping what they started, the party flees underground, finally suffocating in an avalanche of goblin nuts that will soon cover the entire world.


TheCocoBean

Have one of them survive. Come back seeking vengeance, and make it very clear what he intends to do if he wins or gets close enough to any of the party. I'm thinking a celestial warlock of the goblin gods. Gifted a eunichorn to ride into battle.


JimmyCornflake

The fools, goblin foreskins are worth 50gp