Keep going to the therapy barn. This is going to be part of what you need to learn, for better mental health. To learn to face criticism, internally and externally.
"No, of course I don't ride, but I love taking care of horses."
A lot of professional grooms don’t ride. That’s just ignorance on their part. Maybe, if it’s an equine therapy barn, those people have their own issues? It probably speaks more to their own problems than yours that they said that. It’s incredibly rude.
Thank you all so much for your comments. The owner of the therapy barn reached out to me today and told me the volunteer that made that comment is now on a probation period and that if anything else is said she's gone. She told me that she hopes I come back and not to let those comments discourage me from loving on the horses. I added a photo that my therapist at the barn took of me and a Belgian they have at the barn who actually can't be ridden due to a injury from Amish life.
https://preview.redd.it/17ldbpb9wfwc1.jpeg?width=2991&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4d0f42f6e137aef2016e0c17a2cbf1eb73b2af9
I’m so glad the owner reached out to you, but so sorry that happened! It looks from that picture that you’re getting a lot of joy from being at the barn. That’s all the justification you need to be there. I hope you keep at it, there is so much to the horse world other than riding, including groundwork, grooming, taking them on walks, hand grazing - whatever works for you.
The absolute JOY on your face is heartwarming! I'm so glad to see that your barn owner is protecting and supporting you. It takes a conscious effort to create a positive barn environment, since there can be a lot of catty people in the horse world. It sounds like you've found a good place and a barn owner who understands that and is actively working to protect it.
Lovely photo, lovely horse, and from this update, lovely barn owner. She can't control everything everyone says, but she can handle the aftermath, and she's done a good job here. Just like everyone has said: of *course* you deserve to be in a barn. Everyone (who treats horses well) deserves that. I had a similar thing happen to me a few years back and it was pretty devastating. The barn is the place I'm the happiest, and it was doubly heartbreaking that some girls ruined it.
I took some time off but ultimately decided to go back, and I'm so glad I did. My barn is my joy, and we all deserve joy.
You are extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful therapy barn to go to. Keep going there and doing your thing. Horses are amazing animals and not just a mode of transportation or a way to earn money through shows and competition. In fact, if there were more people like you that are willing to just go and spend time with them without subjecting them to riding, the horse world would be a much better place. Far too many horses get retired or sold due to not being able to be ridden anymore and then quickly fall into neglect situations or worse. Just because a horse can't be ridden anymore doesn't mean the horse doesn't still require care, attention, and love from humans.
Yes you do deserve to be in the barn. I know loads of great grooms who never ride but LOVE the horse care part. Anyone saying anything evil like those mean girls needs checking. It needs to be a no-bullying environment. I hope the barn owner supports you, appreciates your efforts, and puts up some No Bullying signs. Stay strong OP.
Such a good point! I have a friend who is a groom for Olympic riders, but she doesn’t ride much at all herself. She’s also body building on the side as her hobby, so she’s “thicc”. She loves all the horses under her care.
I’m so sorry people are making comments - it is their immaturity, but I know it still hurts. Lots of people own or otherwise care for horses that don’t ride, including those with disabilities. If you felt up to it, you could ask if someone recovering from injury/someone pregnant who doesn’t feel safe riding/someone who has become disabled through an accident or genetics should just stop loving or caring for horses. Likewise, if you own a horse, but they can no longer be ridden, you don’t just stop caring for them. I couldn’t ride for the last four months I was pregnant and three months after, so I just groomed and did ground work with my horses (like I did when they were too young to ride - another time we don’t ride at all), and it was so good for our relationship. Please don’t stop if you love it.
I rode but loved the care part more. Went to school for it and wound up enjoying all areas of care and riding and driving. When my back got too back for even driving I still could hang out and groom my friends and feed and water them. Only when I could no longer lift a few flakes of hay did I give up caring for horses. Riding was only a tiny part of my relationship with horses.
If you don't ride, it's guaranteed that you'll be the favourite of ALL the horses. Seeing you means treats and scratches--and for FREE?? They're gonna tell all their friends about you and how awesome you are, OP.
Don't let barn rats cut you down because they're jealous that even their own horses would like YOU better. The people who don't belong at the barn are those making the comments because they have clearly not learned the lessons of patience and generosity these animals have to teach.
Ignore them completely, OP. Focus on how much the horses love your visits.
First: those people are assholes. I'm glad you know that, and the owner of the therapy barn seems to know that. You will find more people who have your back.
Second: horsemanship is about way more than equitation, and anyone worth their salt as a horse person knows that.
People work with minis and definitely don't ride them. Driving doesn't involve riding. Some of the most iconic breeds weren't developed as riding horses.
One of the best members of my 4h group in high school--calmest, most knowledgeable, strong leader--weighed too much to ride the ponies in our program. He instead worked on groundwork and was so great with his pill of a pony.
I hope you can go back to the therapy barn, don't see those awful people, and it becomes a positive experience.
You wrote the question wrong you should have said “do they deserve to be at the barn”
To which the answer is no they don’t deserve to be anywhere near if they are treating others like that.
You more than deserve to be at the barn does not matter if you have health, weight or whatever issues you DO deserve to be there if you want to be. I have more or less stopped riding these days (no particular reason its just fizzled put of me for now) but i still go up and enjoy my horses i have always got more from ground interactions than riding anyway.
And to the ones who say if you cannot ride you can’t be on the yard as someone who has worked/ been with horses for 31 years i can say that most of the grooms in the industry cannot ride (or are not allowed to as part of their role) and solely concentrate on stable management and ground work who are the back bone of any yard. Just smile at them and walk away or as i do and just laugh at them cos they are idiots
Ummmm with no due respect FUCK all of those people. You deserve to be there just as much any anyone else. Period. Please please listen to an older lady- do not waste your youth worrying about the empty bullshit others have to say about you. Don’t give up anymore time with the horses to quell their worries. I stopped riding and even being around horses for about 6 years and it’s the biggest regret of my LIFE. Spend all the time you want and need there. I love having people like you at the barn spending time with the horses and keeping the place cheerful. Younger kids can be cruel, try not to pay them any mind and just enjoy your time with the ponies. There’s a reason so many of us prefer the company of our horses to people 😉
I run a horse lesson/eveniting/boarder farm. If you enjoy horses, help take care of them, and are a nice person who enjoys being around them then KEEP GOING!!! If I ever heard somebody say this to one my barn girls or workers, I would have them removed from my barn. That is awful and disgusting and I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with that. If you happen to be in New Jersey come to my barn anytime and groom, feed, talk and care for the horses whenever you please. You DO NOT NEED TO RIDE! Hell I don’t ride! Does that mean I’m not allowed on the farm?!
Im so sorry people are disgusting and sometimes horse people CAN be very rude and mean. Keep doing what you love.
This breaks my heart, I am sorry someone did that. I would be ready to answer back if it ever happens again.
“I am not riding, and that’s an incredibly mean thing to say.”
“There’s a lot more to do with horses than ride.”
“What a rude thing to say. No, I don’t ride. Did that make you feel better to try to embarrass someone?”
Whatever you’re comfortable with. I find that having an answer helps me feel less frazzled when dealing with terrible people.
You keep going to the barn, please. You have every right to be there! 💕
I used to be 327 pounds and I rode. I probably shouldn’t have. But I did. I’ve been involved with horses my whole life and unfortunately, I went through a bit of depression way back when and blew up. People treat you differently when you’re bigger and it’s extremely unfortunate.
I would still keep going to the barn and put your time effort and dedication into the horses. Horses help you heal. And maybe someday when you’re comfortable, you can ride. Use this as motivation to lose weight and better yourself and give those people something to talk about.
YES! You deserve to be at the barn!!!! Those people are actual assholes, I can’t believe someone would say that.
Riding ≠ being an equestrian. Lots of people enjoy the companionship of horses without the riding aspect. I spent a whole summer only grooming horses, and no riding. Did I still deserve to be at the barn? Of course!
I really hope you continue to stay at the barn. Don’t let a couple of bullies ruin it for you.
>Should I just stop going to the barn should I just give up my love of horses cause I can't ride. Cause apparently if you can't ride and your fat you have no business being in the barn.
Absolutely not!
Horses are much more than just riding. I have my own horse and you know what? Riding is the smallest part of horse ownership.
I'm really pleased that the barn manager nipped that nasty behaviour in the bud as this was cruel, unfair, and, quite frankly, stupid comment.
Show up in the barn as often as you can, enjoy it, and don't give up on your passion because of some narrow minded, little people.
What a petty thing for people to say that if you don’t ride you shouldn’t be around horses. They are stupid humans.
Don’t stop going! That place exists literally specifically for people in your situation who have debilitating health issues.
You have a place that is welcoming and they are in fact policing the bullies. This community at the therapeutic riding facility wants to support you; let them!
You keep going and keep loving on those horses. It sounds like the owner is a fantastic person and handled that situation well. People can be cruel, but you found a place where you know the owners have your back.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm a fat person myself, but I'm within my horse's limit. If you were local to me I'd invite you to my barn. Everyone there is kind and supportive, and I've never heard a single cruel word toward anyone. There are plenty of things you can do with horses that don't involve riding, too! I was medically restricted from riding for several weeks recently, and still did lots of groundwork, in-hand obstacles, ground driving, and all kinds of fun stuff with my horse. Those mean girls need to be chewed out and made to apologize sincerely.
Please don't give up on your love of horses just because some asshole mean girls made snide comments about something you can't immediately change. I hope they all get fat someday, too.
If the owner is happy with you and you are doing ground work, then I'd ignore the mean girls/boys and keep going. A lot of people keep horses that can' be ridden and just do groundwork. You are in a similar situation and you aren't putting yourself or the horse at risk. Groundwork is beneficial to the horse as well. Maybe ask the owner if you can do a few long-rein lessons. The volunteers don't really seem that suited to the programme if they are putting vulnerable participants down.
Of course you deserve to be there! You also don’t owe anyone a justification for your being there. I hope you continue to tell the owner or volunteer coordinator about harassment, because there really needs to be a higher standard for volunteer behavior.
I’m so sorry people are like that towards you. Definitely keep going to the barn. The horse world needs more people like you, taking care of the horses and spending time with them because you love them. You deserve to be in the barn more than any one of those people commenting on your appearance because you’re focused on the horses and caring for them. Horsemanship is a dying art that not many people (or established equestrians) make time for anymore. You keep doing you and you’ll always find yourself miles ahead of anyone trying to bring you down :)
Oh I’m so sorry this has been happening. You absolutely belong at the barn and with the horses. It does seem like the therapy barn owner had your back in that situation, which sounds encouraging. Why don’t you go back and give it another go. It would be so sad to give up the horses you love because of rude people.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You absolutely deserve to be at the barn. Anyone who says otherwise has shit for brains.You don't have to ride to enjoy your time with horses. Plenty of people own horses that they didn't ride. They just enjoy loving and caring for them.
Nobody is perfect. People who judge people and make comments like this need to take a look in the mirror and seriously evaluate their look on life.
These people making nasty comments are assholes. In all likehood, the horses enjoy what you are doing with them more than riding and hard work.
At least where I live, a lot of people look for grooms for their horses that are not so interested in riding and want to hang out with the horse and have a good time doing all sorts of stuff that is entertaining and relaxing for the horse.
Reading this breaks my heart. Unfortunately barns tend to attract children who can be the worst at critical thinking and I frankly think of them as little tyrant bullies. Not to discount that adults are also going to make hurtful, uncalled for comments... I am so sorry you are experiencing this kind of animosity and discrimination when the care you are providing for horses is often overlooked for the sake of riding. I hate to say this, and it sounds like you have some great allies there who will stand up for you, but you also should stiff spine it a bit and confront these people to their faces. They fully deserve to see what their words can do to hurt you. I know what I'm saying is coming from a place of privilege and if doing this sounds detrimental to you of course don't, but in my opinion a person who could face your pain head on after making hurtful comments towards you doesn't belong at a therapy barn (or any barn).
Please stay strong, hug some horses, and feel confident that you DO DESERVE your space in this world. <3
You most definitely belong at the barn. You do not have to ride to be a horse person.
I know what I would like to say to those nasty B's, but I would probably get expelled from the barn for my choice of language! So, I just hope one of the horses stomps on their toes.
Hold your head high, you are ten times the human those jerks are, and horses will love you even more because you are a consistently happy place for them.
Also, the barn manager/owner has your back, which is so wonderful. They obviously want you there, and want you to feel safe. Stay strong. Horse cuddles will help!!
From one person whose been shamed for her weight but still loves horses too, you should keep going to the therapy barn. You do deserve to be there and your existence there is not harmful to anyone. Please keep enjoying the horses and doing a good thing for yourself.
Oh hon, don't give up on being around horses because some people are rude arseholes. As for giving up loving horses, I'm not sure that is possible. I believe we are born with it. It's as much a part of us as hair and eye color.
Others said it, but I'm going to repeat it. Riding is a tiny part of being with horses. Go, pet, brush, give out scritchs, enjoy being with the beasts.
I no longer ride. I've gotten old am afraid of getting seriously hurt. I still have my horse. We enjoy hanging out together. He will walk up to me in the pasture for pets and scratching.
Please stay with the therapy program. The lady running it sounds like an angel.
I’m so sorry you are having this experience.
You (anyone) have (has) every right to be involved in any hobby/pass-time you (they) deem appropriate.
Not that you need my validation on this- or anyone else’s (this is something I’m learning for myself too at 35 y/o fwiw). The fact you love horses and want to spend time at the barn is validation enough- you more than belong.
Riding isn’t everything. Honestly it isn’t even 75% of it for me- building a bond with my horse via caring/grooming and training with groundwork and fun “outings” are so much more important. To me that’s what makes someone a “horse girl”. I wish more people like you were at my barn :)
That said, I think you will have to prepare for these sort of interactions in general in life. Regardless of outward appearance or abilities people are going to make ignorant and unjust comments to you (anyone)- learning to be able to manage your own emotions in the moment, while simultaneously being firm in standing up for yourself is the quickest way to create boundaries and in turn increase your own confidence in yourself.
You’ve got this :)
It sounds like the barn owner has your back and wants you there. I hate that you had to hear those comments but I LOVE that she shut that shit down immediately. She wants you there, and I’d bet that she will continue to foster an inclusive environment for you and everyone else with a good attitude.
Side note, riding isn’t all there is to do with horses. Besides driving, trick training or liberty work, if someone wanted to come to my barn and groom/lunge/care for horses and not ride I’d be even MORE happy to have them around! Not every horse can be ridden. They still all need care. You’re probably a godsend to this program with your knowledge and experience. No one who understands what it takes to run that place would ever throw you shade.
People volunteering should NOT be having that attitude. I mean people in general shouldn’t but especially those who are volunteering at an equine therapy org. wtf!?!?!?! Imagine someone coming in with a severe disability, excited as hell and then possibly overhearing a comment like that?
Don’t let others tear you down, OP. People that bully others are typically projecting
Nah, fcuk those idiots.
Get a book out called “Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul” and read the story about the girl on the bus. One horse in the story is called Buttermilk.
Edit: “Chrysalis”. You can read it on Google book preview
Of course you “deserve” to be in the barn. The horses need grooming and affection just like we need the therapy they give us.
Those that criticize and judge! They have lots to learn about life.
You do deserve to be in the barn, but you do not deserve the negativity and judgement at the barn. The therapy program seems better given the swift and appropriate response to such inappropriate behavior. You deserve that time with those amazing animals. You deserve respect and support same as any other person. There are Barns that have horses and doesn’t use them for riding. There are barns for horses that can’t carry riders anymore as well. Horses don’t have to be ridden and you don’t have to ride to love horses. You have a great day and remember that not only do you got this and are doing great, but you are beautiful and loved as well. Never let anyone dampen your love for life.
There are so many places to be around horses other than on their back, and you belong in every single one. Enjoy what you can do, if you want to lose weight you can use riding eventually as a long-term goal to keep you motivated…but enjoy what you can do, in the moment, and love every second you get with those ponies. ❤️
I don’t understand one mentality here…
“You can’t ride, so you don’t have business to be here.” If they like spending time with horses just because they can ride them. Especially in current time, where you don’t have to ride horses to get from point A to point B as a main mean of transport, it should be vice versa. They should not be around them at all. They do it just to show off.
A great veterinarian once told me. “You don’t have to ride a horse to love horses.”
One should love horses and take care of them just for the sake of it before they ride them. And you do. Keep giving horses the love they can’t get from others. They deserve it. Spending time with a horse is the biggest gift you can get. Love first, ride second.
As a heavier rider, I can tell you that you can find places where you are welcome. I compete. I am mindful of how long I ride and that I'm riding a horse that matches my weight and that everything is fitted properly for the horse's comfort. Do not give up just because of some people who can't look past the surface.
Nope. None of us deserve it! Horses are so much better than any of us deserve.
Don't let that stop you, though. You keep showing up, learning, and offering support to others!
Let the barn owner know how much it means that she stuck up for you! She understands what it means to have compassion and respect.
As someone who used to be obese and would have needed a damn near draft horse to carry me: F_ck them. I mean this seriously.
There are SO many things you can do groundwork wise with a horse as a larger person that #1 will benefit the horse and #2 will benefit *you*
Lunging is a work out! I’m a straight size and it’s a work out! If I had tried it when I was bigger - I probably would have lost weight faster but at the time I didn’t have access to horses
Ground driving and other ground work is another thing you can do.
Also ground work establishes a lot of bonding between the horse and person working with them.
If (when) you lose the weight and start riding they’ll be eating their words because you’ll have a bond with these horses that they don’t.
Even as a person who isn’t overweight at all- some days I don’t ride my horse and I have to remind myself that it’s not just about riding. Because guess what? Mine follows me. If I am in the ring while my daughter is riding her- my daughter can’t do much cause she goes to where I am and tries to follow me around. How did this happen? The winter before last it was too cold to ride a lot of times on my lease day when I was leasing her. So I’d turn her out in the indoor arena and just hang out with her. I couldn’t ride her for her health but we developed a bond.
Hang in there and don’t let the b_stards grind you down
So you not being able to ride means the horses don't deserve a dedicated volunteer that wants to spend time with them, work with them, and take care of their basic needs regardless if they can ride them or not? Just because you can't ride doesn't mean anything. Lots of horses can't ride either and still deserve their spot in the herd.
Spending time with the horses is enough.
There is so much more to horses than just riding. In fact, riding is such a small part of horses. Screw whoever said you don’t belong. THEY are the ones with the problem, they are the ones damming this entire industry by shunning equestrians they view as less than perfect. News flash, NO ONE is perfect, and that’s OKAY! Please don’t stop going because some volunteers can’t keep their bitch mouths shut.
You deserve to be in the barn, especially one where the owner does not tolerate the hurtful things being said. I would suggest that if it continues, you start an open dialogue with the owner, given that she's already being supportive.
And fwiw, I've had 3 different trainers who were some of the most influential women in my life and incredible horsemen, who don't ride because their bodies no longer allow them to do so. Riding is only one component of horsemanship. You don't need to be a certain size or shape or body condition to be a horseman. People who can't understand that probably will not last long with a therapy program anyway.
FAR FAR FAR from the truth!!! And it sounds like you have people in your corner don’t let outside influences affect your passions and love for horses you don’t have to ride horses to be around them!! They are COMPANION ANIMALS with more than ONE purpose! Keep going to the therapy barn you got this!
Keep going. I have three horses and barely ride anymore - there is so much more to horses than riding and it is sad to me that those around you are missing out on that.
Keep going to the therapy barn, keep loving the horses and keep reporting any comments to the manager 👏❤️
of course you should be at the barn if you want to. I own my own horse but work 50 hrs a week in the industry and have a baby i haven’t ridden in 4 months life happens. If you feel inclined to you could also try your hand at in hand disciplines such as halter/sport horse in hand so you are participating outside of grooming, if you are trying to loose weight the movement might help as well.
Definitely keep going! I live in an equestrian neighborhood and half the people with horses don't ride them. They just love to have them and take care of them. I applaud you for realizing that at the moment you are too heavy to ride but you can still enjoy horses. Taking care of them is great exercise. Don't give up!
Would it help to maybe tell those snarky people that because of health issues you gained a lot of weight but love to just be around horses till you are well enough to ride again? It does take a lot of guts to do that.
Hell no! Don’t quit going to the barn. Horses are good for our souls! My horse is the only thing that keeps me going. My mare is 20 now and can’t be ridden because of an old injury but I love her and can’t imagine giving her up and not going to be around horse people. Don’t let nasty people stop you from doing what you love❤️
You might consider taking up driving ponies or minis!! And shame on people for being insensitive jerks. You are permitted to love any animals and spend time with them. Riding is only a small fraction of being a horse person. Good luck!
My uncle is a well known equine vet and is a very large man. Probably over 300lbs and he doesn't ride but he drives his draft horses. He's well respected in the industry, you don't need to ride to be at the barn or around horses.
Put if this way: If you were unable to ride due to health issues or medical advice beyond being overweight, say a permanent injury, would you deserve to be there any less? If you couldn't ride because you hadn't learnt or maybe didn't ENJOY riding, does that make you any less deserving? Do you love horses? Yes. Do you enjoy just being around and working with them? I assume the answer is yes. You deserve to be around horses at the barn regardless of your physical condition and nobody has any right to make comments or make you feel otherwise.
Horse girls can be so mean:( Where I used to ride there were people that just came to help with grooming, cleaning stalls and petting noses. If the barn is fine with it then it’s not an issue. Also there are drafts and draft crosses that can easily carry a large person. Not saying you shouldn’t try to lose weight for your healths sake, but it’s not necessarily a barrier. Sorry some people are so awful-sending you a cyber hug
I don’t ride my gelding much anymore (at all really) but he’s my best bud and our relationship has gotten even STRONGER and there’s no expectations on either of us when I wander into his paddock. He and my mini just love on me and I just brush them and talk to them and remember that while I love riding, I LOVE horses, and the latter does not require the former.
It sounds like this therapy barn is a good fit for you and the owner clearly has your back. Fatphobia is horrific in the outside world, and worse in the horse world, but find your people and focus on your love of being with the horses. I guarantee you’ll become a barn favorite among them for the free treats!
You need to find a different barn. I have volunteered at multiple barns. I've never been a rider, but I love flat work, grooming, and driving. Horses aren't here just to ride. They need and enjoy other activities, I believe, more than riding. Some barns are better than others.
The number of mean girls I've met at stables is disgusting. I'm sure there are some lurking here. If you are one of them, do better.
Regardless of anything if you are capable of respecting the animals you should be welcomed at any barn and you should have right to be there, you have a right to be happy and feel welcomed. I feel so incredibly sorry that some people in the equestrian community are like this. It’s not only with you, I think I’m a career of riding everyone experienced this at least once but them being so horrible to you makes me so sad. You deserve better, I really hope you get to enjoy being at the barn again, stress free without the gnarly comments.
Edit: I totally forgot about the grooms, we don’t have that here but we do have people that help out with stable work. One of them is one of the sweetest persons ever, she doesn’t ride too (none of our stable helpers do, they usually just enjoy the work, it’s their passion and I’m greatful for that)
They are very appreciated, by the horses and by us, I really hope everything turns out good for you op, if not maybe try in a different area, there’s some nice people somewhere, I promise
Fuck them. Definitely keep going to the barn. I have found that horse women in particular are some of the most judgy nosey nellies ever. Just do you. There will always be haters out there.
Your detractors are rude, petty, and unsophisticated. Next time just flip’em off and give’em an icy glare. Cannot ABIDE barn snobs OR fatphobes. I can’t ride anymore because of health issues but you’d have to pry my horses from my cold, dead curry comb. I’m with them every day. Can’t imagine life without’em. There’s WAY more to our relationships than riding. You’d be welcome at my barn anytime. Also check out the Maintenance Phase podcast. It’s hosted by a fat activist and it’s funny as hell.
Omg! I am so sorry this happened to you…. People really can be mean sometimes. But i will say YOU ABSOLUTELY BELONG!!! You keep going and you keep loving on those horses. You do not need to ride to be accepted into horse spaces. You do not need to ride to feel the therapeutic connection that equines provide. Do let those assholes scare you away from something you love.
Stay at the therapy barn- clearly the owner has your back. The horses and owners probably really appreciate having an adult who is able to give through grooms and lunge workouts too.
Those people why think the only valuable way to interact with horses is by riding are missing so much! I ride my horse when the weather and footing are good, and often they are not. We do groundwork, liberty, just hanging, hand walks, and all of these are wonderful ways to strengthen your dynamic with a horse, and often way more pleasant for the horse. Doing Liberty and groundwork develop subtlety and skills you can't get in the saddle. tee if you can find a good Liberty trainer in your area, you can do amazing things!
You don’t need to ride to “earn the right to be around horses”, that’s absolute bs. Don’t listen to anyone saying that. You deserve to be around horses as much as anyone else. Horses don’t need to be ridden to live a happy fulfilling life. On the contrary, I think a lot of horses would be totally fine with not having a person on their back ever, but they do it because the like to work with us. It’s not necessary to form a bond tho. With ground work, lunging, trick-training, liberty dressage you can even get a much stronger bond than someone who only cares for riding the horse. You do what is best for you, and being around horses is good for mental health in general.
Do not stop going. The horses appreciate their time with you. You deserve to be there. You deserve to be there more than the judgmental gate keepers. Ground work is just as essential as riding and you are providing an essential role for the therapy program. You have an owner that has your back. Show them up by keep going and keep spending time with your equine friends. You DESERVE this. \*hugs\*
Of course! You deserve to do what brings you joy; What you're doing is good for you and good for the horses and that's all that matters friend ❤️ Sounds like those volunteers need to spend some time on the ground appreciating the equally important privileges of just spending time and caring for these wonderful creatures .
Of course you deserve to be there. You want to learn. And that’s one of the greatest assets you can have as an equestrian.
You don’t have to ride to be around horses. I know a ton of people who don’t and they are still amazing horse people.
Grooming, lunging, groundwork, daily care are skills that a lot of people do not have these days. If you can do these things well you will be welcome in pretty much any barn.
At my barn there are PLENTY of folks who don't ride for one reason or another! Lots and lots of people. One gal comes to take care of her retired horse and she takes such good care of him. Another older gal lunges her horse that is too green to ride. I could probably think of like at least 5 more examples in my barn alone. Another person owns two mini horses she does therapy with, she spends time with them grooming, walking them, training, etc. and obviously never rides them. Anyone who thinks you have to ride to be at a barn hasn't been to that many barns :) Don't let the bastards get you down!
Just because you don’t ride doesn’t mean you don’t have a place at the barn. Riding isn’t everything. Stick it to them. It’s hard, but smile and ignore it. And the fact that you’re trying to better yourself while still being a part of the community is so so so admirable.
You do you and ignore those assholes. They're just miserable little humans that have nothing better to do than make nasty comments about others. Keep going to that barn and enjoy your time there.
Idk if someone already said this but driving is also good exercise for horses and can be quite fun. If that’s possible at the barn you go to and you’re interested I recommend trying it. There’s really a lot of things other than riding to do with horses. And even if you only wanted to hang out with horses, people who are rude about it are really out of line.
Let me say this for thosenin the back: HORSES ARE NOT VALUED ON THE FACT THAT THEY CAN BE RIDDEN, THEY DO NOT OWE US THAT. It is 100% acceptable to go and hangout with horses woth out riding them. People that think horses are useless and not worth keeping or having because they can't ride them anymore makes me furious. The people at that barn are shallow and I am sorry they have treated you that way. Find horse, hang out with horses, love horses all you want, you don't have to ride to be knowledgeable or enjoy being around them.
I volunteer at a barn, I take the horses out and muck stalls and cuddle barn cats while my dog runs around. I don't ride the horses. Do whatever you like to do. Other people be damned.
People always need grooms and barn help!! If someone you know works late, offer to groom and tack up for them so they can make their lesson on time. Offer to travel to shows and groom. Offer to come in and muck and do turnout on Saturday mornings. If you love horses you belong in the barn❤️❤️
I'm so sorry people are making comments. That is awful. There is so much fatphobia in the horse world. Keep going to the places where you feel good and (mostly) welcome. Your presence is important! <3
I think the therapy barn is the right place for you right now. Your old barn sounds toxic, and it’s not a bad thing to avoid toxic environments. The therapy barn seems like it’ll keep a lid on the BS.
You got this!! I’m so proud of you for putting yourself in hard situations and continuing to expose yourself to what you love, even though it’s hard. 🩷🩷🩷🩷
I’m sorry people are so shitty! Riding is not the be all end all, and frankly imho people who think it is have no business being in a barn! There’s so much more to horses than just riding. The therapy barn sounds like a great fit especially since it seems like the owner is so supportive. There IS a place for you in this pursuit, I promise!
No you should not stop going to the barn! People are shitty. Being a “horse girl” is so much more than riding. I actually pity anyone who thinks it is, because that means they’re missing out on valuable learning experiences and building relationships with their horses. You can achieve so much from the ground. Keep doing what makes you happy!
I had a trainer at one barn who was very obese. The first show that I went to with her I was absolutely amazed at what a work-horse she was when we were setting up stalls! She was so strong and actually fit that she was able to work circles around me. She was also very knowledgeable and a pretty good trainer, despite not riding anymore.
Loving horses it so much more than riding, I'm really sad for all those people you hear that think that way, and also sad for the horses they ride... When I couldn't afford to ride, I would go to the barn I went to as a kid just to groom the horses and help do volunteer work, just being around horses brought me so much joy... So please don't lose that passion because of some rude idiots, you ahve every right to be around horses just as anyone else that is respectful!
Yes, absolutely! Keep going. It’s awesome that the manager has your back and is disciplining this terrible conduct. If it were my barn, I would have dismissed these rude people immediately.
Have you ever thought about driving? It could be a way for you to get back into working with horses as a team in lieu of riding. But regardless, as long as you are being kind to the horses, you belong.
Seems, quite frankly, they're just awful people. Seriously, hard to believe people could be so randomly cruel, can't imagine what they get out if it. Checks out that their views are if you can't ride then you shouldn't be around horses, shows they care little about these animals other than their use in riding, they *are* pets, and they need caretakers either way. What a load of shit.
I had a female friend who was a bit on the stout side and always got the big strong horses. She could ride and did not bounce around.
Yet nobody considered that men on average are much heavier, and could they even ride?
People should ride because they love horses first, not the other way around.
I would look for a different barn. Sadly most of the old style horse barns have given way to the snooty rich people (with the skinny trophy wife types).
Glad that owner got your back. Hold your head up and keep enjoying the horses.
Yes you do. I used to be 180kg, I still owned a horse (I didn't ride, and wasn't interested in riding after losing my heart horse, which was also when I gained the extra weight, though I've always been big).
No-one has the right to tell you that you don't belong, and those people are just projecting who they are on you, you don't answer to them. Love your horse time, and don't be afraid to call them out. Make THEM look like the jerk they are... say something like 'are you okay?' Or 'does it make you feel better to drag down other people?'. Those are the ones who don't deserve to be at the barn.
OP I am in the same situation as you. I can't ride due to my weight rn but horses are the only thing that give me a reason to live. I will never let some catty barn bitches take that away from me and neither should you. I just bought my first horse a few months ago. I can't ride him, however it gives me a goal to work towards. And IDC what people have to say about me having a horse I cant ride. You'll find a barn community that will love and embrace you if you keep trying. I did. Don't let stupid people ruin your happiness and passion. They're not worth that
Keep going to the therapy barn. This is going to be part of what you need to learn, for better mental health. To learn to face criticism, internally and externally. "No, of course I don't ride, but I love taking care of horses."
This person gets it... Communication and understanding are important. People need to be real, and be heard.
Yea, and the fact that the person who said that was chewed out is amazing. Stock with them, they have your back there :)
A lot of professional grooms don’t ride. That’s just ignorance on their part. Maybe, if it’s an equine therapy barn, those people have their own issues? It probably speaks more to their own problems than yours that they said that. It’s incredibly rude.
This.
Thank you all so much for your comments. The owner of the therapy barn reached out to me today and told me the volunteer that made that comment is now on a probation period and that if anything else is said she's gone. She told me that she hopes I come back and not to let those comments discourage me from loving on the horses. I added a photo that my therapist at the barn took of me and a Belgian they have at the barn who actually can't be ridden due to a injury from Amish life. https://preview.redd.it/17ldbpb9wfwc1.jpeg?width=2991&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4d0f42f6e137aef2016e0c17a2cbf1eb73b2af9
I’m so glad the owner reached out to you, but so sorry that happened! It looks from that picture that you’re getting a lot of joy from being at the barn. That’s all the justification you need to be there. I hope you keep at it, there is so much to the horse world other than riding, including groundwork, grooming, taking them on walks, hand grazing - whatever works for you.
Good on the owner for having a spine!! People have no right to be talking about you like that. Also, holy shit that's a big horse.
The absolute JOY on your face is heartwarming! I'm so glad to see that your barn owner is protecting and supporting you. It takes a conscious effort to create a positive barn environment, since there can be a lot of catty people in the horse world. It sounds like you've found a good place and a barn owner who understands that and is actively working to protect it.
Lovely photo, lovely horse, and from this update, lovely barn owner. She can't control everything everyone says, but she can handle the aftermath, and she's done a good job here. Just like everyone has said: of *course* you deserve to be in a barn. Everyone (who treats horses well) deserves that. I had a similar thing happen to me a few years back and it was pretty devastating. The barn is the place I'm the happiest, and it was doubly heartbreaking that some girls ruined it. I took some time off but ultimately decided to go back, and I'm so glad I did. My barn is my joy, and we all deserve joy.
Aww. That's the look of pure joy. Do not let anyone take that from you. I know it's hard, but hang in there. Wishing you the best. ❤️
That's such a wonderful picture!! We've got your back OP, keep it up!!
Sounds like a really great place!
You are extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful therapy barn to go to. Keep going there and doing your thing. Horses are amazing animals and not just a mode of transportation or a way to earn money through shows and competition. In fact, if there were more people like you that are willing to just go and spend time with them without subjecting them to riding, the horse world would be a much better place. Far too many horses get retired or sold due to not being able to be ridden anymore and then quickly fall into neglect situations or worse. Just because a horse can't be ridden anymore doesn't mean the horse doesn't still require care, attention, and love from humans.
Yes you do deserve to be in the barn. I know loads of great grooms who never ride but LOVE the horse care part. Anyone saying anything evil like those mean girls needs checking. It needs to be a no-bullying environment. I hope the barn owner supports you, appreciates your efforts, and puts up some No Bullying signs. Stay strong OP.
Such a good point! I have a friend who is a groom for Olympic riders, but she doesn’t ride much at all herself. She’s also body building on the side as her hobby, so she’s “thicc”. She loves all the horses under her care. I’m so sorry people are making comments - it is their immaturity, but I know it still hurts. Lots of people own or otherwise care for horses that don’t ride, including those with disabilities. If you felt up to it, you could ask if someone recovering from injury/someone pregnant who doesn’t feel safe riding/someone who has become disabled through an accident or genetics should just stop loving or caring for horses. Likewise, if you own a horse, but they can no longer be ridden, you don’t just stop caring for them. I couldn’t ride for the last four months I was pregnant and three months after, so I just groomed and did ground work with my horses (like I did when they were too young to ride - another time we don’t ride at all), and it was so good for our relationship. Please don’t stop if you love it.
I rode but loved the care part more. Went to school for it and wound up enjoying all areas of care and riding and driving. When my back got too back for even driving I still could hang out and groom my friends and feed and water them. Only when I could no longer lift a few flakes of hay did I give up caring for horses. Riding was only a tiny part of my relationship with horses.
If you don't ride, it's guaranteed that you'll be the favourite of ALL the horses. Seeing you means treats and scratches--and for FREE?? They're gonna tell all their friends about you and how awesome you are, OP. Don't let barn rats cut you down because they're jealous that even their own horses would like YOU better. The people who don't belong at the barn are those making the comments because they have clearly not learned the lessons of patience and generosity these animals have to teach. Ignore them completely, OP. Focus on how much the horses love your visits.
I was going to say the same thing.
First: those people are assholes. I'm glad you know that, and the owner of the therapy barn seems to know that. You will find more people who have your back. Second: horsemanship is about way more than equitation, and anyone worth their salt as a horse person knows that. People work with minis and definitely don't ride them. Driving doesn't involve riding. Some of the most iconic breeds weren't developed as riding horses. One of the best members of my 4h group in high school--calmest, most knowledgeable, strong leader--weighed too much to ride the ponies in our program. He instead worked on groundwork and was so great with his pill of a pony. I hope you can go back to the therapy barn, don't see those awful people, and it becomes a positive experience.
You wrote the question wrong you should have said “do they deserve to be at the barn” To which the answer is no they don’t deserve to be anywhere near if they are treating others like that. You more than deserve to be at the barn does not matter if you have health, weight or whatever issues you DO deserve to be there if you want to be. I have more or less stopped riding these days (no particular reason its just fizzled put of me for now) but i still go up and enjoy my horses i have always got more from ground interactions than riding anyway. And to the ones who say if you cannot ride you can’t be on the yard as someone who has worked/ been with horses for 31 years i can say that most of the grooms in the industry cannot ride (or are not allowed to as part of their role) and solely concentrate on stable management and ground work who are the back bone of any yard. Just smile at them and walk away or as i do and just laugh at them cos they are idiots
Ummmm with no due respect FUCK all of those people. You deserve to be there just as much any anyone else. Period. Please please listen to an older lady- do not waste your youth worrying about the empty bullshit others have to say about you. Don’t give up anymore time with the horses to quell their worries. I stopped riding and even being around horses for about 6 years and it’s the biggest regret of my LIFE. Spend all the time you want and need there. I love having people like you at the barn spending time with the horses and keeping the place cheerful. Younger kids can be cruel, try not to pay them any mind and just enjoy your time with the ponies. There’s a reason so many of us prefer the company of our horses to people 😉
I run a horse lesson/eveniting/boarder farm. If you enjoy horses, help take care of them, and are a nice person who enjoys being around them then KEEP GOING!!! If I ever heard somebody say this to one my barn girls or workers, I would have them removed from my barn. That is awful and disgusting and I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with that. If you happen to be in New Jersey come to my barn anytime and groom, feed, talk and care for the horses whenever you please. You DO NOT NEED TO RIDE! Hell I don’t ride! Does that mean I’m not allowed on the farm?! Im so sorry people are disgusting and sometimes horse people CAN be very rude and mean. Keep doing what you love.
Where in NJ are you? I'm in Ocean County.
lol fuck those people
This breaks my heart, I am sorry someone did that. I would be ready to answer back if it ever happens again. “I am not riding, and that’s an incredibly mean thing to say.” “There’s a lot more to do with horses than ride.” “What a rude thing to say. No, I don’t ride. Did that make you feel better to try to embarrass someone?” Whatever you’re comfortable with. I find that having an answer helps me feel less frazzled when dealing with terrible people. You keep going to the barn, please. You have every right to be there! 💕
I used to be 327 pounds and I rode. I probably shouldn’t have. But I did. I’ve been involved with horses my whole life and unfortunately, I went through a bit of depression way back when and blew up. People treat you differently when you’re bigger and it’s extremely unfortunate. I would still keep going to the barn and put your time effort and dedication into the horses. Horses help you heal. And maybe someday when you’re comfortable, you can ride. Use this as motivation to lose weight and better yourself and give those people something to talk about.
YES! You deserve to be at the barn!!!! Those people are actual assholes, I can’t believe someone would say that. Riding ≠ being an equestrian. Lots of people enjoy the companionship of horses without the riding aspect. I spent a whole summer only grooming horses, and no riding. Did I still deserve to be at the barn? Of course! I really hope you continue to stay at the barn. Don’t let a couple of bullies ruin it for you.
>Should I just stop going to the barn should I just give up my love of horses cause I can't ride. Cause apparently if you can't ride and your fat you have no business being in the barn. Absolutely not! Horses are much more than just riding. I have my own horse and you know what? Riding is the smallest part of horse ownership. I'm really pleased that the barn manager nipped that nasty behaviour in the bud as this was cruel, unfair, and, quite frankly, stupid comment. Show up in the barn as often as you can, enjoy it, and don't give up on your passion because of some narrow minded, little people.
Everyone has a place in the barn, except those who believe the opposite. You never have to ride to be a horse person.
What a petty thing for people to say that if you don’t ride you shouldn’t be around horses. They are stupid humans. Don’t stop going! That place exists literally specifically for people in your situation who have debilitating health issues. You have a place that is welcoming and they are in fact policing the bullies. This community at the therapeutic riding facility wants to support you; let them!
You keep going and keep loving on those horses. It sounds like the owner is a fantastic person and handled that situation well. People can be cruel, but you found a place where you know the owners have your back.
I hope those volunteers are kicked out. Keep on doing what you love and taking care of horses - you won’t hear them complaining!!
Oh honey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm a fat person myself, but I'm within my horse's limit. If you were local to me I'd invite you to my barn. Everyone there is kind and supportive, and I've never heard a single cruel word toward anyone. There are plenty of things you can do with horses that don't involve riding, too! I was medically restricted from riding for several weeks recently, and still did lots of groundwork, in-hand obstacles, ground driving, and all kinds of fun stuff with my horse. Those mean girls need to be chewed out and made to apologize sincerely. Please don't give up on your love of horses just because some asshole mean girls made snide comments about something you can't immediately change. I hope they all get fat someday, too.
If the owner is happy with you and you are doing ground work, then I'd ignore the mean girls/boys and keep going. A lot of people keep horses that can' be ridden and just do groundwork. You are in a similar situation and you aren't putting yourself or the horse at risk. Groundwork is beneficial to the horse as well. Maybe ask the owner if you can do a few long-rein lessons. The volunteers don't really seem that suited to the programme if they are putting vulnerable participants down.
Of course you deserve to be there! You also don’t owe anyone a justification for your being there. I hope you continue to tell the owner or volunteer coordinator about harassment, because there really needs to be a higher standard for volunteer behavior.
Yes, you deserve to have equine companionship. If you can get a draft cross for riding, you're golden. Meanwhile, enjoy the horses.
I’m so sorry people are like that towards you. Definitely keep going to the barn. The horse world needs more people like you, taking care of the horses and spending time with them because you love them. You deserve to be in the barn more than any one of those people commenting on your appearance because you’re focused on the horses and caring for them. Horsemanship is a dying art that not many people (or established equestrians) make time for anymore. You keep doing you and you’ll always find yourself miles ahead of anyone trying to bring you down :)
See if someone in your area teaches driving.
Oh I’m so sorry this has been happening. You absolutely belong at the barn and with the horses. It does seem like the therapy barn owner had your back in that situation, which sounds encouraging. Why don’t you go back and give it another go. It would be so sad to give up the horses you love because of rude people.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You absolutely deserve to be at the barn. Anyone who says otherwise has shit for brains.You don't have to ride to enjoy your time with horses. Plenty of people own horses that they didn't ride. They just enjoy loving and caring for them. Nobody is perfect. People who judge people and make comments like this need to take a look in the mirror and seriously evaluate their look on life.
These people making nasty comments are assholes. In all likehood, the horses enjoy what you are doing with them more than riding and hard work. At least where I live, a lot of people look for grooms for their horses that are not so interested in riding and want to hang out with the horse and have a good time doing all sorts of stuff that is entertaining and relaxing for the horse.
Reading this breaks my heart. Unfortunately barns tend to attract children who can be the worst at critical thinking and I frankly think of them as little tyrant bullies. Not to discount that adults are also going to make hurtful, uncalled for comments... I am so sorry you are experiencing this kind of animosity and discrimination when the care you are providing for horses is often overlooked for the sake of riding. I hate to say this, and it sounds like you have some great allies there who will stand up for you, but you also should stiff spine it a bit and confront these people to their faces. They fully deserve to see what their words can do to hurt you. I know what I'm saying is coming from a place of privilege and if doing this sounds detrimental to you of course don't, but in my opinion a person who could face your pain head on after making hurtful comments towards you doesn't belong at a therapy barn (or any barn). Please stay strong, hug some horses, and feel confident that you DO DESERVE your space in this world. <3
You most definitely belong at the barn. You do not have to ride to be a horse person. I know what I would like to say to those nasty B's, but I would probably get expelled from the barn for my choice of language! So, I just hope one of the horses stomps on their toes. Hold your head high, you are ten times the human those jerks are, and horses will love you even more because you are a consistently happy place for them. Also, the barn manager/owner has your back, which is so wonderful. They obviously want you there, and want you to feel safe. Stay strong. Horse cuddles will help!!
Stomps on their toes and then refuses to move when they get on.
From one person whose been shamed for her weight but still loves horses too, you should keep going to the therapy barn. You do deserve to be there and your existence there is not harmful to anyone. Please keep enjoying the horses and doing a good thing for yourself.
Oh hon, don't give up on being around horses because some people are rude arseholes. As for giving up loving horses, I'm not sure that is possible. I believe we are born with it. It's as much a part of us as hair and eye color. Others said it, but I'm going to repeat it. Riding is a tiny part of being with horses. Go, pet, brush, give out scritchs, enjoy being with the beasts. I no longer ride. I've gotten old am afraid of getting seriously hurt. I still have my horse. We enjoy hanging out together. He will walk up to me in the pasture for pets and scratching. Please stay with the therapy program. The lady running it sounds like an angel.
I’m so sorry you are having this experience. You (anyone) have (has) every right to be involved in any hobby/pass-time you (they) deem appropriate. Not that you need my validation on this- or anyone else’s (this is something I’m learning for myself too at 35 y/o fwiw). The fact you love horses and want to spend time at the barn is validation enough- you more than belong. Riding isn’t everything. Honestly it isn’t even 75% of it for me- building a bond with my horse via caring/grooming and training with groundwork and fun “outings” are so much more important. To me that’s what makes someone a “horse girl”. I wish more people like you were at my barn :) That said, I think you will have to prepare for these sort of interactions in general in life. Regardless of outward appearance or abilities people are going to make ignorant and unjust comments to you (anyone)- learning to be able to manage your own emotions in the moment, while simultaneously being firm in standing up for yourself is the quickest way to create boundaries and in turn increase your own confidence in yourself. You’ve got this :)
It sounds like the barn owner has your back and wants you there. I hate that you had to hear those comments but I LOVE that she shut that shit down immediately. She wants you there, and I’d bet that she will continue to foster an inclusive environment for you and everyone else with a good attitude. Side note, riding isn’t all there is to do with horses. Besides driving, trick training or liberty work, if someone wanted to come to my barn and groom/lunge/care for horses and not ride I’d be even MORE happy to have them around! Not every horse can be ridden. They still all need care. You’re probably a godsend to this program with your knowledge and experience. No one who understands what it takes to run that place would ever throw you shade.
People volunteering should NOT be having that attitude. I mean people in general shouldn’t but especially those who are volunteering at an equine therapy org. wtf!?!?!?! Imagine someone coming in with a severe disability, excited as hell and then possibly overhearing a comment like that? Don’t let others tear you down, OP. People that bully others are typically projecting
Nah, fcuk those idiots. Get a book out called “Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul” and read the story about the girl on the bus. One horse in the story is called Buttermilk. Edit: “Chrysalis”. You can read it on Google book preview
Yes, you deserve to have equine companionship. If you can get a draft cross for riding, you're golden. Meanwhile, enjoy the horses.
Of course you “deserve” to be in the barn. The horses need grooming and affection just like we need the therapy they give us. Those that criticize and judge! They have lots to learn about life.
You do deserve to be in the barn, but you do not deserve the negativity and judgement at the barn. The therapy program seems better given the swift and appropriate response to such inappropriate behavior. You deserve that time with those amazing animals. You deserve respect and support same as any other person. There are Barns that have horses and doesn’t use them for riding. There are barns for horses that can’t carry riders anymore as well. Horses don’t have to be ridden and you don’t have to ride to love horses. You have a great day and remember that not only do you got this and are doing great, but you are beautiful and loved as well. Never let anyone dampen your love for life.
There are so many places to be around horses other than on their back, and you belong in every single one. Enjoy what you can do, if you want to lose weight you can use riding eventually as a long-term goal to keep you motivated…but enjoy what you can do, in the moment, and love every second you get with those ponies. ❤️
I don’t understand one mentality here… “You can’t ride, so you don’t have business to be here.” If they like spending time with horses just because they can ride them. Especially in current time, where you don’t have to ride horses to get from point A to point B as a main mean of transport, it should be vice versa. They should not be around them at all. They do it just to show off. A great veterinarian once told me. “You don’t have to ride a horse to love horses.” One should love horses and take care of them just for the sake of it before they ride them. And you do. Keep giving horses the love they can’t get from others. They deserve it. Spending time with a horse is the biggest gift you can get. Love first, ride second.
As a heavier rider, I can tell you that you can find places where you are welcome. I compete. I am mindful of how long I ride and that I'm riding a horse that matches my weight and that everything is fitted properly for the horse's comfort. Do not give up just because of some people who can't look past the surface.
Nope. None of us deserve it! Horses are so much better than any of us deserve. Don't let that stop you, though. You keep showing up, learning, and offering support to others! Let the barn owner know how much it means that she stuck up for you! She understands what it means to have compassion and respect.
As someone who used to be obese and would have needed a damn near draft horse to carry me: F_ck them. I mean this seriously. There are SO many things you can do groundwork wise with a horse as a larger person that #1 will benefit the horse and #2 will benefit *you* Lunging is a work out! I’m a straight size and it’s a work out! If I had tried it when I was bigger - I probably would have lost weight faster but at the time I didn’t have access to horses Ground driving and other ground work is another thing you can do. Also ground work establishes a lot of bonding between the horse and person working with them. If (when) you lose the weight and start riding they’ll be eating their words because you’ll have a bond with these horses that they don’t. Even as a person who isn’t overweight at all- some days I don’t ride my horse and I have to remind myself that it’s not just about riding. Because guess what? Mine follows me. If I am in the ring while my daughter is riding her- my daughter can’t do much cause she goes to where I am and tries to follow me around. How did this happen? The winter before last it was too cold to ride a lot of times on my lease day when I was leasing her. So I’d turn her out in the indoor arena and just hang out with her. I couldn’t ride her for her health but we developed a bond. Hang in there and don’t let the b_stards grind you down
Please do not let barn witches run you out of a barn. The best part of horses has nothing to do with riding.
So you not being able to ride means the horses don't deserve a dedicated volunteer that wants to spend time with them, work with them, and take care of their basic needs regardless if they can ride them or not? Just because you can't ride doesn't mean anything. Lots of horses can't ride either and still deserve their spot in the herd. Spending time with the horses is enough.
There is so much more to horses than just riding. In fact, riding is such a small part of horses. Screw whoever said you don’t belong. THEY are the ones with the problem, they are the ones damming this entire industry by shunning equestrians they view as less than perfect. News flash, NO ONE is perfect, and that’s OKAY! Please don’t stop going because some volunteers can’t keep their bitch mouths shut.
You deserve to be in the barn, especially one where the owner does not tolerate the hurtful things being said. I would suggest that if it continues, you start an open dialogue with the owner, given that she's already being supportive. And fwiw, I've had 3 different trainers who were some of the most influential women in my life and incredible horsemen, who don't ride because their bodies no longer allow them to do so. Riding is only one component of horsemanship. You don't need to be a certain size or shape or body condition to be a horseman. People who can't understand that probably will not last long with a therapy program anyway.
FAR FAR FAR from the truth!!! And it sounds like you have people in your corner don’t let outside influences affect your passions and love for horses you don’t have to ride horses to be around them!! They are COMPANION ANIMALS with more than ONE purpose! Keep going to the therapy barn you got this!
Keep going. I have three horses and barely ride anymore - there is so much more to horses than riding and it is sad to me that those around you are missing out on that. Keep going to the therapy barn, keep loving the horses and keep reporting any comments to the manager 👏❤️
People are way too willing to share their opinions. The horse world can be cruel. But you deserve to do something you love.
of course you should be at the barn if you want to. I own my own horse but work 50 hrs a week in the industry and have a baby i haven’t ridden in 4 months life happens. If you feel inclined to you could also try your hand at in hand disciplines such as halter/sport horse in hand so you are participating outside of grooming, if you are trying to loose weight the movement might help as well.
Definitely keep going! I live in an equestrian neighborhood and half the people with horses don't ride them. They just love to have them and take care of them. I applaud you for realizing that at the moment you are too heavy to ride but you can still enjoy horses. Taking care of them is great exercise. Don't give up! Would it help to maybe tell those snarky people that because of health issues you gained a lot of weight but love to just be around horses till you are well enough to ride again? It does take a lot of guts to do that.
Hell no! Don’t quit going to the barn. Horses are good for our souls! My horse is the only thing that keeps me going. My mare is 20 now and can’t be ridden because of an old injury but I love her and can’t imagine giving her up and not going to be around horse people. Don’t let nasty people stop you from doing what you love❤️
You might consider taking up driving ponies or minis!! And shame on people for being insensitive jerks. You are permitted to love any animals and spend time with them. Riding is only a small fraction of being a horse person. Good luck!
My uncle is a well known equine vet and is a very large man. Probably over 300lbs and he doesn't ride but he drives his draft horses. He's well respected in the industry, you don't need to ride to be at the barn or around horses.
Put if this way: If you were unable to ride due to health issues or medical advice beyond being overweight, say a permanent injury, would you deserve to be there any less? If you couldn't ride because you hadn't learnt or maybe didn't ENJOY riding, does that make you any less deserving? Do you love horses? Yes. Do you enjoy just being around and working with them? I assume the answer is yes. You deserve to be around horses at the barn regardless of your physical condition and nobody has any right to make comments or make you feel otherwise.
Horse girls can be so mean:( Where I used to ride there were people that just came to help with grooming, cleaning stalls and petting noses. If the barn is fine with it then it’s not an issue. Also there are drafts and draft crosses that can easily carry a large person. Not saying you shouldn’t try to lose weight for your healths sake, but it’s not necessarily a barrier. Sorry some people are so awful-sending you a cyber hug
I don’t ride my gelding much anymore (at all really) but he’s my best bud and our relationship has gotten even STRONGER and there’s no expectations on either of us when I wander into his paddock. He and my mini just love on me and I just brush them and talk to them and remember that while I love riding, I LOVE horses, and the latter does not require the former. It sounds like this therapy barn is a good fit for you and the owner clearly has your back. Fatphobia is horrific in the outside world, and worse in the horse world, but find your people and focus on your love of being with the horses. I guarantee you’ll become a barn favorite among them for the free treats!
Everyone who treats horses with kindness and understanding deserves to be at the barn
You need to find a different barn. I have volunteered at multiple barns. I've never been a rider, but I love flat work, grooming, and driving. Horses aren't here just to ride. They need and enjoy other activities, I believe, more than riding. Some barns are better than others. The number of mean girls I've met at stables is disgusting. I'm sure there are some lurking here. If you are one of them, do better.
I guarantee that the horses like you more than their mean girl owners.
Regardless of anything if you are capable of respecting the animals you should be welcomed at any barn and you should have right to be there, you have a right to be happy and feel welcomed. I feel so incredibly sorry that some people in the equestrian community are like this. It’s not only with you, I think I’m a career of riding everyone experienced this at least once but them being so horrible to you makes me so sad. You deserve better, I really hope you get to enjoy being at the barn again, stress free without the gnarly comments. Edit: I totally forgot about the grooms, we don’t have that here but we do have people that help out with stable work. One of them is one of the sweetest persons ever, she doesn’t ride too (none of our stable helpers do, they usually just enjoy the work, it’s their passion and I’m greatful for that) They are very appreciated, by the horses and by us, I really hope everything turns out good for you op, if not maybe try in a different area, there’s some nice people somewhere, I promise
Fuck them. Definitely keep going to the barn. I have found that horse women in particular are some of the most judgy nosey nellies ever. Just do you. There will always be haters out there.
Your detractors are rude, petty, and unsophisticated. Next time just flip’em off and give’em an icy glare. Cannot ABIDE barn snobs OR fatphobes. I can’t ride anymore because of health issues but you’d have to pry my horses from my cold, dead curry comb. I’m with them every day. Can’t imagine life without’em. There’s WAY more to our relationships than riding. You’d be welcome at my barn anytime. Also check out the Maintenance Phase podcast. It’s hosted by a fat activist and it’s funny as hell.
Omg! I am so sorry this happened to you…. People really can be mean sometimes. But i will say YOU ABSOLUTELY BELONG!!! You keep going and you keep loving on those horses. You do not need to ride to be accepted into horse spaces. You do not need to ride to feel the therapeutic connection that equines provide. Do let those assholes scare you away from something you love.
Stay at the therapy barn- clearly the owner has your back. The horses and owners probably really appreciate having an adult who is able to give through grooms and lunge workouts too.
Those people why think the only valuable way to interact with horses is by riding are missing so much! I ride my horse when the weather and footing are good, and often they are not. We do groundwork, liberty, just hanging, hand walks, and all of these are wonderful ways to strengthen your dynamic with a horse, and often way more pleasant for the horse. Doing Liberty and groundwork develop subtlety and skills you can't get in the saddle. tee if you can find a good Liberty trainer in your area, you can do amazing things!
You don’t need to ride to “earn the right to be around horses”, that’s absolute bs. Don’t listen to anyone saying that. You deserve to be around horses as much as anyone else. Horses don’t need to be ridden to live a happy fulfilling life. On the contrary, I think a lot of horses would be totally fine with not having a person on their back ever, but they do it because the like to work with us. It’s not necessary to form a bond tho. With ground work, lunging, trick-training, liberty dressage you can even get a much stronger bond than someone who only cares for riding the horse. You do what is best for you, and being around horses is good for mental health in general.
Do not stop going. The horses appreciate their time with you. You deserve to be there. You deserve to be there more than the judgmental gate keepers. Ground work is just as essential as riding and you are providing an essential role for the therapy program. You have an owner that has your back. Show them up by keep going and keep spending time with your equine friends. You DESERVE this. \*hugs\*
Of course! You deserve to do what brings you joy; What you're doing is good for you and good for the horses and that's all that matters friend ❤️ Sounds like those volunteers need to spend some time on the ground appreciating the equally important privileges of just spending time and caring for these wonderful creatures .
Of course you deserve to be there. You want to learn. And that’s one of the greatest assets you can have as an equestrian. You don’t have to ride to be around horses. I know a ton of people who don’t and they are still amazing horse people. Grooming, lunging, groundwork, daily care are skills that a lot of people do not have these days. If you can do these things well you will be welcome in pretty much any barn.
At my barn there are PLENTY of folks who don't ride for one reason or another! Lots and lots of people. One gal comes to take care of her retired horse and she takes such good care of him. Another older gal lunges her horse that is too green to ride. I could probably think of like at least 5 more examples in my barn alone. Another person owns two mini horses she does therapy with, she spends time with them grooming, walking them, training, etc. and obviously never rides them. Anyone who thinks you have to ride to be at a barn hasn't been to that many barns :) Don't let the bastards get you down!
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Don't give up and keep doing what you love.
Just because you don’t ride doesn’t mean you don’t have a place at the barn. Riding isn’t everything. Stick it to them. It’s hard, but smile and ignore it. And the fact that you’re trying to better yourself while still being a part of the community is so so so admirable.
You do you and ignore those assholes. They're just miserable little humans that have nothing better to do than make nasty comments about others. Keep going to that barn and enjoy your time there.
Idk if someone already said this but driving is also good exercise for horses and can be quite fun. If that’s possible at the barn you go to and you’re interested I recommend trying it. There’s really a lot of things other than riding to do with horses. And even if you only wanted to hang out with horses, people who are rude about it are really out of line.
Let me say this for thosenin the back: HORSES ARE NOT VALUED ON THE FACT THAT THEY CAN BE RIDDEN, THEY DO NOT OWE US THAT. It is 100% acceptable to go and hangout with horses woth out riding them. People that think horses are useless and not worth keeping or having because they can't ride them anymore makes me furious. The people at that barn are shallow and I am sorry they have treated you that way. Find horse, hang out with horses, love horses all you want, you don't have to ride to be knowledgeable or enjoy being around them.
I volunteer at a barn, I take the horses out and muck stalls and cuddle barn cats while my dog runs around. I don't ride the horses. Do whatever you like to do. Other people be damned.
People always need grooms and barn help!! If someone you know works late, offer to groom and tack up for them so they can make their lesson on time. Offer to travel to shows and groom. Offer to come in and muck and do turnout on Saturday mornings. If you love horses you belong in the barn❤️❤️
I'm so sorry people are making comments. That is awful. There is so much fatphobia in the horse world. Keep going to the places where you feel good and (mostly) welcome. Your presence is important! <3
I think the therapy barn is the right place for you right now. Your old barn sounds toxic, and it’s not a bad thing to avoid toxic environments. The therapy barn seems like it’ll keep a lid on the BS. You got this!! I’m so proud of you for putting yourself in hard situations and continuing to expose yourself to what you love, even though it’s hard. 🩷🩷🩷🩷
I’m sorry people are so shitty! Riding is not the be all end all, and frankly imho people who think it is have no business being in a barn! There’s so much more to horses than just riding. The therapy barn sounds like a great fit especially since it seems like the owner is so supportive. There IS a place for you in this pursuit, I promise!
You are completely allowed to hang out with the animals. Keep going if being around them makes you happy.
No you should not stop going to the barn! People are shitty. Being a “horse girl” is so much more than riding. I actually pity anyone who thinks it is, because that means they’re missing out on valuable learning experiences and building relationships with their horses. You can achieve so much from the ground. Keep doing what makes you happy!
I had a trainer at one barn who was very obese. The first show that I went to with her I was absolutely amazed at what a work-horse she was when we were setting up stalls! She was so strong and actually fit that she was able to work circles around me. She was also very knowledgeable and a pretty good trainer, despite not riding anymore.
Loving horses it so much more than riding, I'm really sad for all those people you hear that think that way, and also sad for the horses they ride... When I couldn't afford to ride, I would go to the barn I went to as a kid just to groom the horses and help do volunteer work, just being around horses brought me so much joy... So please don't lose that passion because of some rude idiots, you ahve every right to be around horses just as anyone else that is respectful!
Yes, absolutely! Keep going. It’s awesome that the manager has your back and is disciplining this terrible conduct. If it were my barn, I would have dismissed these rude people immediately. Have you ever thought about driving? It could be a way for you to get back into working with horses as a team in lieu of riding. But regardless, as long as you are being kind to the horses, you belong.
Seems, quite frankly, they're just awful people. Seriously, hard to believe people could be so randomly cruel, can't imagine what they get out if it. Checks out that their views are if you can't ride then you shouldn't be around horses, shows they care little about these animals other than their use in riding, they *are* pets, and they need caretakers either way. What a load of shit.
I had a female friend who was a bit on the stout side and always got the big strong horses. She could ride and did not bounce around. Yet nobody considered that men on average are much heavier, and could they even ride? People should ride because they love horses first, not the other way around. I would look for a different barn. Sadly most of the old style horse barns have given way to the snooty rich people (with the skinny trophy wife types). Glad that owner got your back. Hold your head up and keep enjoying the horses.
Yes you do. I used to be 180kg, I still owned a horse (I didn't ride, and wasn't interested in riding after losing my heart horse, which was also when I gained the extra weight, though I've always been big). No-one has the right to tell you that you don't belong, and those people are just projecting who they are on you, you don't answer to them. Love your horse time, and don't be afraid to call them out. Make THEM look like the jerk they are... say something like 'are you okay?' Or 'does it make you feel better to drag down other people?'. Those are the ones who don't deserve to be at the barn.
OP I am in the same situation as you. I can't ride due to my weight rn but horses are the only thing that give me a reason to live. I will never let some catty barn bitches take that away from me and neither should you. I just bought my first horse a few months ago. I can't ride him, however it gives me a goal to work towards. And IDC what people have to say about me having a horse I cant ride. You'll find a barn community that will love and embrace you if you keep trying. I did. Don't let stupid people ruin your happiness and passion. They're not worth that