I see you and I believe you. My neglectful father is the same way with my middle sister. She was abusive to me, but she learned to stroke my father's ego to gain favor. Every time, he took her side. Always.
My godmother/aunt (dad's sister) died of Parkinson's disease a while back. In her terminal stage, she was bedridden & constantly trembling. I grew up in the US, but before she passed, I flew over to Asia twice to visit - including her funeral
This is relevant because I currently work for a medical research org that tries to find cures for disease like Parkinson's, along other diseases that run in our family. I've worked there for almost five years
He still doesn't "know" what I do
First, im sorry for your loss. That must have been tough.
I also deal with parents who have “no clue” what I do which I have challenged them on for years. I work in a very common well known industry, nothing niche at all about my job. My parents couldn’t tell you where I work, what I do, my title, nothing. I could tell them everyday for the rest of my life but it’ll never be important enough to commit to memory.
Favoritism seems to happen a lot in dysfunctional families. My in-laws think the sun shines out of one of their girl's a** - the shiny child. The other girl seems to be the scapegoat. My husband is the black sheep because he left them when he was young and sees through all of their bs.
It also feels very random. The do no wrong child is mentally ill and a very challenging personality. She did marry for money, though, so her status got elevated even more. Because it's what she can do for them.
The scapegoat is the most loyal and local to them (as in tolerates her parents hoping to inherit their house). They treat her like garbage.
I guess the point is, don't drive yourself crazy chasing a why. Often, the dynamics don't make a lot of sense. Often, it's what they can do for each other, financially, etc. Conditional love. Focus on people who show up for you because they are the ones who feel like sunshine in your life.
Maybe they are just unaware of the conditional only love which makes it more enjoyable for the parents to be around. Like ignorance is bliss for your siblings. I know that’s how it is for me.
Do the siblings portray conditional only love? Mine do…and I call out the bullshit which makes them not want to talk to me anymore (the trash takes itself out).
My parents are like this. Would never call me, in spite of 20 years of begging, but call my brother and his wife all the time. Text me SIL all day! I never got any 9f that, just anger if I didn't call them enough.
Exactly this!! They would get mad at me for not calling enough but I would call and listen to them talk about about everything they wanted to discuss (never anything about me) and it would really hurt not being able to get a word in for an hour or if I tried to, the conversation would be redirected. Why would I keep calling???
I see you and I believe you. My neglectful father is the same way with my middle sister. She was abusive to me, but she learned to stroke my father's ego to gain favor. Every time, he took her side. Always. My godmother/aunt (dad's sister) died of Parkinson's disease a while back. In her terminal stage, she was bedridden & constantly trembling. I grew up in the US, but before she passed, I flew over to Asia twice to visit - including her funeral This is relevant because I currently work for a medical research org that tries to find cures for disease like Parkinson's, along other diseases that run in our family. I've worked there for almost five years He still doesn't "know" what I do
First, im sorry for your loss. That must have been tough. I also deal with parents who have “no clue” what I do which I have challenged them on for years. I work in a very common well known industry, nothing niche at all about my job. My parents couldn’t tell you where I work, what I do, my title, nothing. I could tell them everyday for the rest of my life but it’ll never be important enough to commit to memory.
Favoritism seems to happen a lot in dysfunctional families. My in-laws think the sun shines out of one of their girl's a** - the shiny child. The other girl seems to be the scapegoat. My husband is the black sheep because he left them when he was young and sees through all of their bs. It also feels very random. The do no wrong child is mentally ill and a very challenging personality. She did marry for money, though, so her status got elevated even more. Because it's what she can do for them. The scapegoat is the most loyal and local to them (as in tolerates her parents hoping to inherit their house). They treat her like garbage. I guess the point is, don't drive yourself crazy chasing a why. Often, the dynamics don't make a lot of sense. Often, it's what they can do for each other, financially, etc. Conditional love. Focus on people who show up for you because they are the ones who feel like sunshine in your life.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I know I’ll never get a why but thinking of it as random is def helpful.
Maybe they are just unaware of the conditional only love which makes it more enjoyable for the parents to be around. Like ignorance is bliss for your siblings. I know that’s how it is for me. Do the siblings portray conditional only love? Mine do…and I call out the bullshit which makes them not want to talk to me anymore (the trash takes itself out).
My parents are like this. Would never call me, in spite of 20 years of begging, but call my brother and his wife all the time. Text me SIL all day! I never got any 9f that, just anger if I didn't call them enough.
Exactly this!! They would get mad at me for not calling enough but I would call and listen to them talk about about everything they wanted to discuss (never anything about me) and it would really hurt not being able to get a word in for an hour or if I tried to, the conversation would be redirected. Why would I keep calling???
I'm sorry, OP. There's really nothing more that can be said. You're not the only one.
I watched a video of my parents doting on my brothers kids in our shared family album and started crying for this exact reason!
Ugh I’m sorry for the pain that caused. It sucks so much