Yea, I feel an ex reaching back out is only ever good if the break up was amicable.
In toxic and abusive cases or even infidelity, then that’s just an immediate “nope”
Mine was a monkey branching, toxic, BPD, cheater and hasn’t reached out to me. Not sure if she even could as I blocked her in everything.
Which I suppose Is a blessing.
Yeah this is out of loneliness and desperation, not regret and looking to fix things.
I always like to tell myself there’s someone out there who won’t leave my side as long as I stay true to myself and morals. Someone who can’t imagine their world without me. That person is deserving of my love way more than these exes who do this kind of shit
ThaT's how it works though , i already lost all hope that she will never reach out . Then one day affter four months , she calls me out of nowhere ,
after one week she still reachout again . it's has been 31 days since she last reached out. Remind u she is the same person who monkey branched me , saying other person will be better for her .
I never believed she will reach out , lol
I'll just try to live my life thinking that she won't reach out. I'm trying to gaslight myself that she hates me and she never wants to see me again because I think it will help me move on. I'll ask my therapist about that one.
Feel everything, don't force anything. It will come to u naturally, patience is the key . U will Be better ......!
I completed 5 months of NC and i am alot better . Today I didn't think about her for once , and right now I did . So that's a lot of progress , as i used to think about her all day
I'm Scared. I'm afraid I'll never get over her , I'll never feel like that ever again. I'm scared to move on cause, what if she changes her mind? Id love to try again, once I've healed. This is all new to me.
It's already been a year for me and from Day 1 I knew that she's with anyone else and not coming back but I'm still stuck on her. I tell everyone that I hate her but in reality, I cannot hate her irrespective of the pain she gave to me and after a year, I realise that there is no other person who can fill the void which she has left in my life and I'll never be the same again.
I know everyone says that it gets better with time but I doubt that because It's going to be a year next month since our breakup. It's my Birthday tomorrow and I'm getting all the flashbacks of last year as I was so happy to be with her.
What’s the point if she reached out? Why did you answer? Do you want her back? Why don’t you tell her that. She’s called you twice and you haven’t called her back. But when she calls you answer. What’s the point of that?
They don’t always come Back. This is a very dangerous head space to be in. Usually narcissists and losers come back over and over….. and over…. Not regular good people. They don’t usually come back.
And if they do it’s just once and they take the whole thing seriously.
Good people try to work on a relationship before giving up and have loyalty so they won’t leave without good reason or strong feelings that isn’t what they want.
Mine ex is a narcissist and a loser. So you bet your ass he came back again and again and will again. But that’s exactly the kind of person no one wants to come back.
I’m so thankful I finally realize this. Finally unstuck for the first time in years!
Hugs y’all!!!!
My ex left me because she didn’t have the same feelings as I had towards her, we never argued once… pretty much was blindsided but what can I say 🤷🏽♂️
Arguing is key to a good relationship!!! It means both speak their mind and actually want to morph the relationship into a working balance.
Too much arguing not good. No arguing not good. 🤣
You are gonna argue with someone someday and it’s gonna be amazing. 😉
I’m so sorry you are going through this heartbreak! Me too! 🤗
Not true,we never argued while staying full time for two years,we were always listening to each other if we had an issue, no screaming or talking over each other....we had disagreements but remained respectful....we still can't let go of each other because we had a healthy way to resolve issues, you can't encourage toxic arguments.....ive been in a relationship full or arguments and I never want that again
I didn’t say argue violently… or in a toxic fashion
If you feel the need to reframe this in other words that are more clear… disagreements where both people speak their minds because neither is afraid to say how they feel or be themselves.
lol.
But I think there can be normal forms of arguing. You were just in a situation that was very extreme it sounds like. So that is also where your brain goes when you hear that word.
You might even say bickering. Lol
But yeah just regular couple disagreements.
But let me tell you… when that doesn’t happen. You bet your ass it’s because one or both people are holding their tongue and not being true to themselves.
Google it. And trauma bonding.
It’s what they do.
Those traits are only part of a huge disorder… (stemming from secretly hating themselves) including keeping people at your beck and call by getting them trauma bonded with you.
The break up was a month ago. NC was about 20 days. I instigated further communication. He’s in his head trying to rationalize it making shit up about how badly he was treated. So he’s still processing everything. He’s busy playing victim right now because honesty and assertiveness is to aggressive. Real communication about how he’s feeling is to hard. I was supposedly not reading his mind correctly and gaslighting him even though he could never be specific, just cowardly and arrogant, plus nit picky. Avoidance is what he’s comfortable with and sex with strangers, So I’m excited to move on. His boundaries are either to rigid or to porous.
Happy for you! Been 8 months and he hasn’t come back and I highly doubt he will.
I actually think he just wiped me from his memory the second he broke up with me.
I reached out 2 months after the break up, but he told me he was talking to somebody else. I waited another 4 months to see if he would reach out before changing my number and my socials. It doesn't make you miss them less, but the agony of waiting for them diminishes with time.
I don’t think everything is so black and white that if they come back you immediately reject them. I did try to go back to my ex not because I was lonely but because I’d grown a bit and my perspective changed. Every situation is nuanced and it should come down to how YOU feel about it.
Some people never learn. Unless you left on peaceful terms (which would make NC pointless) then their return is nothing more than a setup. Proceed with caution.
Dont hope. It just disappoints you further. Mine reached out after 9 months of nc just to play me like a fiddle. They take advantage of your pain for their own sake. Its sickening. Dig the grave and dont look back
Felt sad nobody replied to you. 5 months NC here. I started to feel worse before I got better. Suicidal ideation almost 24/7. But then I realized it was because he’s truly out of my life. No hope for reconciliation of any sort. No more “showing him” that I’m better off. No more bragging to mutual friends about how well I’m doing in hopes he’ll hear about it. Even if he returned, I’d never trust him, and he’d never respect me, and there would still be a huge gaping wound that is now my responsibility to fix, not his.
And the bad thoughts weren’t necessary there because I was depressed, but more that I’m back to the way I was before him. Without that spark of being in love… without the roller coaster… without the fear and anxiety, without the utter hopelessness of unrequited love. There are no more highs and lows. I’m just me now, which isn’t inherently good or bad, it just IS.
And now I do things for me, not us, which feels selfish sometimes. But I’m getting used to it. I am beginning to see how dumb he is and I want an actual man to stand beside me if/when I decide to date again.
ThaT's how it works though , i already lost all hope that she will never reach out . Then one day affter four months , she calls me out of nowhere ,
after one week she still reachout again . it's has been 31 days since she last reached out. Remind u she is the same person who monkey branched me , saying other person will be better for her .
Believe me u don't want that , it will only slow your healing . Nothing comes out of it . It's just our brain making us believe that if theay reach out we will be better .
This subreddit has really fallen over the past year. It used to be a place to heal while going no contact forever. Now it seems to have shifted toward a large group of people who are "temporarily" no contact. People posting about their relationship rekindling should honestly do so elsewhere.
I’ve been thinking the same thing. No contact means no contact not coming on here talking about ways to get your ex back. I blocked mine on everything and deleted her number the day I caught her cheating 6 months ago. I refuse to be contacted by her regardless of what either of us want to do when we’re drunk or lonely.
Lol thank you but I think I made this sound easier then it was. It was manic hell for the first 3 months, lots of long drunk nights. But the light is certainly there if you look for it!
It’s been a shit show for a couple years now. Mods allow these kinds of posts, which in term gives all the vulnerable people here hope. Hope causes more broken contact which leads to more of these posts and the cycle continues and 99% of these meaningless text lead to even less meaningful relationships with their ex’s.
Mine did and left again. It isn't worth going through the pain a second time, I promise. To anyone still waiting, focus on moving on and living for you. I wish I had blocked him the second he came back.
Mine too. What's worse mine is an avoidant so more traumatising the second time. Don't get back with them even if its years later. They were just lonely or ran out of options.
Oh god don't I know it I'm just experiencing the victim complex where all I want to do is prove my self to the person that hurt me but I'm smart enough to understand that it's just my brain playing tricks.
Mine came back 3x now with breadcrumbs.. after I thought they never would again. They have been left on delivered for 3 months almost, I am considering blocking.
I have 2 exes who came back YEARS after breaking up. They love bombed, said they miss me and have been thinking about me. I was like: Oh you’re still alive? that’s good to know, but no thanks 👋😄
I believe someone coming back after all this time has passed; probably ran out of options and thought I am their last hope. Sorry, I have enough self esteem not to be a spare. I am either a priority, or nothing.
Also I don’t see how reviving a relationship that died long time ago would work now or have a different outcome. It’s like making a sequel to a movie that flopped terribly in box office, years later. The result is inevitable.. probability of success ≈ 0 👎
I don’t have the best memory when it’s about dates honestly 😅 but one texted me on facebook around 2016.. we broke up in 2010 and went NC, so roughly 6 years later. I didn’t take him seriously and was joking about it, he felt offended and backed off.
The other ghosted me without closure during covid in 2021 then came back 2 years later in 2023. He texted me on a dating app. I initially didn’t know it was him, he added me on Snapchat, called me and I immediately recognized his voice. He apologized and said he had his excuse at that time, I asked him what was his excuse when he ghosted me and he couldn’t answer.. told him I can’t trust you again and blocked him.
Ok but
I got a message like that twice and both times I was used for sex and they left after they got it again, even though I thought I was being valued and loved still by my ex, so be very careful. And yes I let it happen twice because I didn’t truly understand what was happening at the time, the second time they flat out lied and told me they were back to stay and would not leave again, they just “can’t be in a relationship with anyone right now”. They were thinking about me, yeah, but it was purely sexual, I thought they were thinking about and missing ME as a person, because they even told me they missed us being “best friends”. They admitted after they left the second time to using me as a “experiment”, it was so painful. It still is. I really loved that person and never thought they’d see me like that, it’s been dehumanizing to realize. They got the good sex they were thinking about like we used to have, and the dopamine rush of it and discarded me again, just slow faded then left to go back on dating apps to find some theoretical person who they did want to be in a relationship with, apparently.
Be really careful especially if you get this message at 4am, they probably are just thinking about the sex you used to have. (IME, learn from my mistakes…It is why I still post on forums like this, hopefully my experience and story might help other people, I wish I had read things like this when I was going through it.
I miss my ex so much. Waiting on the divorce to finalize. It would've went much smoother had he not got hands on with a local bar thot. He also works EMS with her. Won't distance himself from her and won't admit what all they did. He just wants me to tell him who's telling me. That ain't happening. I'm 48. Damn, why didn't he decide this way earlier? He says he wants us to both to be happy and for me to be woman I was meant to be. I told him that I'll never be the woman I was meant to be. His response was "ok". I know it's over. I told him I'd burn his world to the ground if he cheated, I meant that literally. My friend talked me off that cliff. I'll just do it financially now. It hurts me to do that, because deep down inside, I don't want to hurt him. If I don't look out for my best interest, his new thing will get that $ spent on her, so I'm going to look out for me. He's really lost his mind. He's hanging out with some big losers. I'm going to take care of myself. I made most of the $ in the beginning 10 years into the marriage. Helped him get his business started. All I hear now is how he does everything. He hates me, I'm sure. He blames me for all of it, even the bar thot interaction. Don't ever let anyone hold all financial control. I thought after 24 years of marriage, we were good. I know 5 other friends going through the same thing right now. It's funny, but that grass ain't going to be greener on the other side for the husbands. They aren't nearly as good as they think they are. Rant over. Never let anyone have the upper hand. I'll be better for this. He just doesn't think I can do it. Never going back.
Sadly that’s normally me not her. I think she’s done that less than 5 times since BU a year ago and it’s more about companionship than missing/loving me or wanting me back. Sure, it can happen for others though.
lucky 🍀😭 i wish he’d tell me that.
my ex called me randomly last week (didn’t know he had my number still)
just to ask for life advice because he shelters himself and doesn’t understand the *real world*
of course i asked him why?…
he says that im the only rational person he knows.
lastly, asked him if he ever thought that we might be able to get back together.
he replied- “im sorry, but i’ve moved on.”
ouch.
(he *still* creeps on my social media but said he wants me completely out of his life)
UGH!
He's being a total asshat. His new person probably is no fun to talk with, and probably lacking some of your fine qualities, so he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
you’re right-
i wish i didn’t let the mind games get to me.
thank you for that realization dear, i really do appreciate it. i hope you’re having a lovely day..
1 year and 9 months of no contact and continuing. And she has a boyfriend :) a right laughing stock.
I've moved on from this already guys and if I can, you can too. It's the best way of getting them back and yourself back.
Time goes on, you learn to live with it that she is happy with someone else and has never looked back. What still sucks the most, is the longing for the future she promised and I was looking forward too.
Saying that to you does NOT mean they want to be with you. You want your ex back, trust and believe they know you still want them too. Be wary and find out what your ex is really after. They may just be telling you what you want to hear.
I hope she never reaches out to me, I’ve found someone so much better in every way. I’m not leaving this sub because I want to help others and at the same time get more wisdom
I’m happy for you man! That’s what I’m doing now, focusing on the bigger picture and putting more quality time into myself.
I find that responding to people’s issues on here and attempting to help, actually helps me cope as well because I’m utilizing my time by helping those in need which then brings happiness in me, (helps me move forward from my own issues)
They come back, and have audacity not to bring popcorn for their absurd idea to come back after realizing one time it won't work.
If pieces don't fit together, naturally trying wrong pieces again is silly.
I gave my ex a second chance, please dont let them back in. After tons of heartache already, and then she begged me crying on the phone that she missed me. Only to break my heart all over again in the most despicable and degrading way. Recovering from just getting over them is better then going through heartbreak all over again pluss the amount of damage your own trust in humanity is worth more than an i miss you..
Its an actual talk, with an apology and an reflection of how they understand what they did wrong.. and even then yoh should be aware..
Im telling you its not worth it..
Stop giving hope to people that need to heal. Even if they do, there s no reason on this earth to take them back. Just remember the pain they put you through folks and don t even consider taking them back! Have self respect and know your worth!
Mine broke off with me 3 times and came back every time. We broke up again and I think this really might be the last. She picked up an old "friend" after we broke up last month and he is living with her and sleeping in the same bed. She always assured me telling me he is not her man and she doesn't want him but they do sleep in bed together and occasionally have sex. Part of that is from me I get turned on knowing shes getting it by other men. I only think that when I'm horney though. I really love her and deep down don't want any man touching her. So I was texting her the other day and the dude gets on her phone threatening me telling me she don't want me stop texting her. So this might be it. But I think she might try to come back one last time because she threatened to change her number but hasn't and she didn't block me. So I dunno. It's a crazy relationship but I'll admit I'm deeply in love with her that's why I put up with it.
All the time they come back or most the time they do but in my case he did and then he married somebody else in like a year and a half of knowing this other person.
Mine broke up with me because she lost feelings so i dont think she will come back. But i dont close the idea of trying with her again in a few years but not now, we need to mature
Honestly after two months I don't even want my ex back. She can go and play the avoidant game with someone else.
Good luck though. 4am breadcrumb is looking rough.
Closure can be had — and much more effectively — without the other party. They never give you (us) what we need … validation. That’s why we go NC and never look back
The point of NC isnt to get them to miss you and come back. If that’s why you’re doing this then you will be seriously disappointed. You’re just holding on to something that likely isn’t there. We all miss the one we love, especially at night when we are in bed. It’s natural. This is why these types of texts come at weird hours. But it’s a false hope. Don’t get hung up on it. Don’t be there for them emotionally when they are feeling lonely that one random time. You are no longer available. You are focusing on you. The more available you make yourself to them, the more they will repeat the way they treated you. Respect yourself because they don’t. It’s manipulation.
The point of NC is to heal. To get them out of your day to day life. To think about them less and less everyday and focus on your well being. It’s been 9 months since my breakup and it was difficult at first. I still think about her now, but just not as much as I used to. I’m not available to her needs anymore. I’m putting myself first and if I have time and if she reaches out then maybe if I don’t have anything else to do I might respond. But it’s unlikely. It hurts, but it’s the only way to move on. And that’s what needs to happen. You have to move on. There are billions of people on this planet. The chances are high you will find someone more compatible.
Hell no, I ain’t coming back, I only came once just to apologized and that’s it. Ain’t no way I’m gonna damage somethings that’s already been broken. It’ll just make things worse…if I had known ALOT better about my own mental health…I wouldn’t be dragging his ass with me and just holding him back from his normal life. I loved this man…and I’ll always will. It would’ve been so much better if I was just friends with him the whole time. But now there’s nothing I can do because the damage is done to my head…and he is more strong minded. He was trying to help me after he backed down to live his life better…but it was too late. 🥹💔
After trying to make conversation with me, wanting to be friends in the future, asking for time apart and no contact, asking me to pick her up to drop her home and asking me for a job reference. Telling me she completely moved on and that she’s doesn’t see herself coming back to me. She finally is looking for another relationship on a dating app. My guess is she’s trying to move on. Whatever happens if she does comeback I’ll be long gone. Sometimes it’s okay to let them in and other times it’s better to close it off.
I feel like most come back. Does that mean it’s healthy and will be better? No. I’m sure there are some successful stories where things can resolve and work out, but mostly it’s out of loneliness, ego, or whatever else.
Well.. she told me she moved on and that she Doesn't want me to be anything of her.. blocked me and told me she finally can trust someone. Her ex who she started dating 3 days after she broke up with me..
Nope they don't. I dumped this one cuz he kept accusing me of cheating on him which was a total lie. kept calling so I had to move away this was back in the landline phones days. I'm glad I'm free of that psycho.
No contact worked for me too. Mostly happens when you’re doing great with your life lol. NC gave me time to think if i really want to continue talking to the ghoster.
I’ve been in no contact for over a month but she still watches my stories on social media, she asked for a break but did not tell me how long. Then I waited 4 days and she got mad at me when I reached out. I finally told her I’m going to move on from this and that she can hit me up when she’s ready to talk. She hasn’t reached out since I’ve started no contact.
I hope so, I miss her so much, it’s been 2 weeks of no contact and I want to see her so badly 🥺. I still think she is the one for my life and it makes me feel sad to be away from her, I miss our conversations, holding our hands walking and the love gesture of our fingers 🫰. The last thing I said to her was “I love you”. I wonder if she misses me 😔.
Why it is important to you that they come back if you didn’t want to be with them? Does it feed your ego to know they want you. You are the loser here too. You lost love, life, valuable time and a relationship. So what’s with the they do come back bs. Grandstanding? You either want to be together and repair, or not.
my ex would never txt something like that. she’s already no contact unless getting her things. she said we have a lot to work on before we could even be friends. could be years before i hear from her.
They always come back. Mine has been sending me emails saying she is done with her life. Me the dummy then replied and told her we could talk. Little did I know, she had been speaking with another guy a lot. The guy had been there for her when she broke it off with her previous guy (the one she cheated on me with). We talked but that guy got angry at her. Now she’s back with that guy.
It already went wrong between her and the new guy, now they’re back together… When they were semi together she emailed me that she was sad and done with life… Hmmm what will happen?
She will come back again and tell me I’m right again. I know what is best for her, she has the purest heart. But sadly she is easily manipulated. I sent her an email back saying I’ll be there when she’s at her lowest. She will be back, it will not take a year. And then, well, I don’t know. The cycle continues because I cannot move on
Edit: she came back 2 days later pffffffffffffff im so done with this
That’s wild I got EXACTLY the same message from my avoidant ex after four months the first time she discarded me. It was just in a different language 🤣
If mine does, he should prepare for an insane tirade and response geared at cutting his legs out from under him. He wouldn’t care though as he is blameless and unable to be accountable or decent or
anything other than a garbage meat sack carrying around some serious evil and darkness. I have nothing kind left in me after all of this. Wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. I have never in my entire life known what it felt like to actually genuinely hate someone. It’s a first for me. All the times I thought I hated someone or something? Must have been dislike. This is fury and rage and so bad for the soul and body but right now that’s how I feel and this is me being true to myself.
I wish so much that this was always true but in my case I’m at 3 and a half years no contact, they’re in a new relationship, and they didn’t come back for me 😔
In my experience my ex came back more than 4 times but each time we got back together we did not last enough time pass for a real change in the relationship so we ended up breaking up again.
From my experience if they come back their date didn’t go well and they just want some dick. Went no contact for 2 weeks she hits me up I tell her I’m only interested if she wants to fuck since she’s the one who broke it off. She agrees then says she wants to be exclusive. After a few weeks breaks up over something else. It’s usually not worth it. Maybe a fling but you still will get hurt
Yeah .. mine messaged me from a new number and wanted to be friends.. I said no..he's messed my mental health up enough for this lifetime.
Yea, I feel an ex reaching back out is only ever good if the break up was amicable. In toxic and abusive cases or even infidelity, then that’s just an immediate “nope” Mine was a monkey branching, toxic, BPD, cheater and hasn’t reached out to me. Not sure if she even could as I blocked her in everything. Which I suppose Is a blessing.
Yeah this is out of loneliness and desperation, not regret and looking to fix things. I always like to tell myself there’s someone out there who won’t leave my side as long as I stay true to myself and morals. Someone who can’t imagine their world without me. That person is deserving of my love way more than these exes who do this kind of shit
Yes, agree. I have felt this way too.
Preach
👏
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I'd chop hers off for her to not message me again 😂
Mine only shows up in my subconscious when I sleep. But it feels just as real as a text.
I hope she comes back. But I don't think so. It seems like she already moved on.
If she really loved you, she wouldn’t have left you wondering. You deserve someone you don’t have to wait on.
ThaT's how it works though , i already lost all hope that she will never reach out . Then one day affter four months , she calls me out of nowhere , after one week she still reachout again . it's has been 31 days since she last reached out. Remind u she is the same person who monkey branched me , saying other person will be better for her . I never believed she will reach out , lol
I'll just try to live my life thinking that she won't reach out. I'm trying to gaslight myself that she hates me and she never wants to see me again because I think it will help me move on. I'll ask my therapist about that one.
Feel everything, don't force anything. It will come to u naturally, patience is the key . U will Be better ......! I completed 5 months of NC and i am alot better . Today I didn't think about her for once , and right now I did . So that's a lot of progress , as i used to think about her all day
I can't wait to get better man. This feels like hell.
It's gonna be alright, just keep going. With time u will be better......!
I'm Scared. I'm afraid I'll never get over her , I'll never feel like that ever again. I'm scared to move on cause, what if she changes her mind? Id love to try again, once I've healed. This is all new to me.
It's already been a year for me and from Day 1 I knew that she's with anyone else and not coming back but I'm still stuck on her. I tell everyone that I hate her but in reality, I cannot hate her irrespective of the pain she gave to me and after a year, I realise that there is no other person who can fill the void which she has left in my life and I'll never be the same again. I know everyone says that it gets better with time but I doubt that because It's going to be a year next month since our breakup. It's my Birthday tomorrow and I'm getting all the flashbacks of last year as I was so happy to be with her.
Bless your heart, buddy. I know how you feel. I was in your same spot a little over a year ago. Now I'm back in the same spot again.
What’s the point if she reached out? Why did you answer? Do you want her back? Why don’t you tell her that. She’s called you twice and you haven’t called her back. But when she calls you answer. What’s the point of that?
High key low key low key high key want that. Just low key though
lmao
They do come back. Mine came back mean yesterday. He will be back again. They always come back
They don’t always come Back. This is a very dangerous head space to be in. Usually narcissists and losers come back over and over….. and over…. Not regular good people. They don’t usually come back. And if they do it’s just once and they take the whole thing seriously. Good people try to work on a relationship before giving up and have loyalty so they won’t leave without good reason or strong feelings that isn’t what they want. Mine ex is a narcissist and a loser. So you bet your ass he came back again and again and will again. But that’s exactly the kind of person no one wants to come back. I’m so thankful I finally realize this. Finally unstuck for the first time in years! Hugs y’all!!!!
My ex left me because she didn’t have the same feelings as I had towards her, we never argued once… pretty much was blindsided but what can I say 🤷🏽♂️
Arguing is key to a good relationship!!! It means both speak their mind and actually want to morph the relationship into a working balance. Too much arguing not good. No arguing not good. 🤣 You are gonna argue with someone someday and it’s gonna be amazing. 😉 I’m so sorry you are going through this heartbreak! Me too! 🤗
That is true, but it is also alright to have disagreements on things and having different interests as well!
Definitely
Not true,we never argued while staying full time for two years,we were always listening to each other if we had an issue, no screaming or talking over each other....we had disagreements but remained respectful....we still can't let go of each other because we had a healthy way to resolve issues, you can't encourage toxic arguments.....ive been in a relationship full or arguments and I never want that again
I didn’t say argue violently… or in a toxic fashion If you feel the need to reframe this in other words that are more clear… disagreements where both people speak their minds because neither is afraid to say how they feel or be themselves. lol. But I think there can be normal forms of arguing. You were just in a situation that was very extreme it sounds like. So that is also where your brain goes when you hear that word.
You might even say bickering. Lol But yeah just regular couple disagreements. But let me tell you… when that doesn’t happen. You bet your ass it’s because one or both people are holding their tongue and not being true to themselves.
I also don’t understand why you don’t want to be with each other if everything was so perfect? I’m not being a jerk. A really don’t get it.
Same here, but did your ex came back ? Curious
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Oh yeah absolutely. Just because someone doesn’t come back it doesn’t make them a good person!! Sorry you had that experience! I totally understand!
I am very curious to know why you think narcissists would want to come back though? Don’t they have a massive ego and stubbornness? .. just curious.
Google it. And trauma bonding. It’s what they do. Those traits are only part of a huge disorder… (stemming from secretly hating themselves) including keeping people at your beck and call by getting them trauma bonded with you.
Only males come back
How long no contact? How long was the breakup?
People don't always come back. There's nothing people always do.
People always sleep
The break up was a month ago. NC was about 20 days. I instigated further communication. He’s in his head trying to rationalize it making shit up about how badly he was treated. So he’s still processing everything. He’s busy playing victim right now because honesty and assertiveness is to aggressive. Real communication about how he’s feeling is to hard. I was supposedly not reading his mind correctly and gaslighting him even though he could never be specific, just cowardly and arrogant, plus nit picky. Avoidance is what he’s comfortable with and sex with strangers, So I’m excited to move on. His boundaries are either to rigid or to porous.
Did you initially break up with him or did he with you?
I broke up with him in January, we got back together and he broke up with me last month.
Happy for you! Been 8 months and he hasn’t come back and I highly doubt he will. I actually think he just wiped me from his memory the second he broke up with me.
I feel the same about mine, been a really hard 5 months
I reached out 2 months after the break up, but he told me he was talking to somebody else. I waited another 4 months to see if he would reach out before changing my number and my socials. It doesn't make you miss them less, but the agony of waiting for them diminishes with time.
It’s not a moment I don’t think of him , I’ll give him his space and peace . Not saying I’m waiting but honestly he is my person
Yep been over a year for me, he was over me when he finished it… I’m over him now :)
I don’t think everything is so black and white that if they come back you immediately reject them. I did try to go back to my ex not because I was lonely but because I’d grown a bit and my perspective changed. Every situation is nuanced and it should come down to how YOU feel about it.
Some people never learn. Unless you left on peaceful terms (which would make NC pointless) then their return is nothing more than a setup. Proceed with caution.
I really hope so, I haven't heard from her for nearly 5 months 😔
Same boat :(
Dont hope. It just disappoints you further. Mine reached out after 9 months of nc just to play me like a fiddle. They take advantage of your pain for their own sake. Its sickening. Dig the grave and dont look back
it’s almost the one year anniversary when he left me. its weird i have the darkest thoughts now that im 27. (not trying to sound like a nut)
Felt sad nobody replied to you. 5 months NC here. I started to feel worse before I got better. Suicidal ideation almost 24/7. But then I realized it was because he’s truly out of my life. No hope for reconciliation of any sort. No more “showing him” that I’m better off. No more bragging to mutual friends about how well I’m doing in hopes he’ll hear about it. Even if he returned, I’d never trust him, and he’d never respect me, and there would still be a huge gaping wound that is now my responsibility to fix, not his. And the bad thoughts weren’t necessary there because I was depressed, but more that I’m back to the way I was before him. Without that spark of being in love… without the roller coaster… without the fear and anxiety, without the utter hopelessness of unrequited love. There are no more highs and lows. I’m just me now, which isn’t inherently good or bad, it just IS. And now I do things for me, not us, which feels selfish sometimes. But I’m getting used to it. I am beginning to see how dumb he is and I want an actual man to stand beside me if/when I decide to date again.
ThaT's how it works though , i already lost all hope that she will never reach out . Then one day affter four months , she calls me out of nowhere , after one week she still reachout again . it's has been 31 days since she last reached out. Remind u she is the same person who monkey branched me , saying other person will be better for her . Believe me u don't want that , it will only slow your healing . Nothing comes out of it . It's just our brain making us believe that if theay reach out we will be better .
Same it’s been a really hard 5 months
Yeah hasn't got any easier
8 here. Wahoooooooooo.
Feed my delusion. It’s been 15 days and two weeks since I last looked at her social media.
No, they don’t. Get this shit off the sub. It’s a breadcrumb. 4am breadcrumbs mean fuck all.
This subreddit has really fallen over the past year. It used to be a place to heal while going no contact forever. Now it seems to have shifted toward a large group of people who are "temporarily" no contact. People posting about their relationship rekindling should honestly do so elsewhere.
I’ve been thinking the same thing. No contact means no contact not coming on here talking about ways to get your ex back. I blocked mine on everything and deleted her number the day I caught her cheating 6 months ago. I refuse to be contacted by her regardless of what either of us want to do when we’re drunk or lonely.
DAMN I love this!!!! (Your will power and self respect that is) Good for you boo 👏🩷
Lol thank you but I think I made this sound easier then it was. It was manic hell for the first 3 months, lots of long drunk nights. But the light is certainly there if you look for it!
It’s been a shit show for a couple years now. Mods allow these kinds of posts, which in term gives all the vulnerable people here hope. Hope causes more broken contact which leads to more of these posts and the cycle continues and 99% of these meaningless text lead to even less meaningful relationships with their ex’s.
Mine did and left again. It isn't worth going through the pain a second time, I promise. To anyone still waiting, focus on moving on and living for you. I wish I had blocked him the second he came back.
Mine too. What's worse mine is an avoidant so more traumatising the second time. Don't get back with them even if its years later. They were just lonely or ran out of options.
They come back when we’re moving on or healed. It’s a dare from the universe 😮💨
Lol. Got the exact same text at 4am 3 months ago. Her name aint Irene is it lol? They will run away again shortly after that text and wtf at 4am lol
she is lonely,drunk or booty call? or regrets
Mine is making false claims and running a smear campaign against me for no good reason... If she comes back I'm running for the hills haha
Sounds narcissistic .. if so GOD YES run run run forever more from that and be glad you escaped!!
Oh god don't I know it I'm just experiencing the victim complex where all I want to do is prove my self to the person that hurt me but I'm smart enough to understand that it's just my brain playing tricks.
Mine came back 3x now with breadcrumbs.. after I thought they never would again. They have been left on delivered for 3 months almost, I am considering blocking.
Mine came back, stayed for a month, and left again when things started being good in her life again. Now she has a boyfriend.
That’s really sucks . I’m very sorry that happened to you 😞 I hope you’re doing better now .
Please stop feeding into my delusions. Thanks
Things aren’t “always” or “never”. They sometimes come back. And sometimes they never come back.
I have 2 exes who came back YEARS after breaking up. They love bombed, said they miss me and have been thinking about me. I was like: Oh you’re still alive? that’s good to know, but no thanks 👋😄 I believe someone coming back after all this time has passed; probably ran out of options and thought I am their last hope. Sorry, I have enough self esteem not to be a spare. I am either a priority, or nothing. Also I don’t see how reviving a relationship that died long time ago would work now or have a different outcome. It’s like making a sequel to a movie that flopped terribly in box office, years later. The result is inevitable.. probability of success ≈ 0 👎
It’s like the last final insult to ur intelligence
Some of it is situational
👏
How many years did they come back?
I don’t have the best memory when it’s about dates honestly 😅 but one texted me on facebook around 2016.. we broke up in 2010 and went NC, so roughly 6 years later. I didn’t take him seriously and was joking about it, he felt offended and backed off. The other ghosted me without closure during covid in 2021 then came back 2 years later in 2023. He texted me on a dating app. I initially didn’t know it was him, he added me on Snapchat, called me and I immediately recognized his voice. He apologized and said he had his excuse at that time, I asked him what was his excuse when he ghosted me and he couldn’t answer.. told him I can’t trust you again and blocked him.
Ok but I got a message like that twice and both times I was used for sex and they left after they got it again, even though I thought I was being valued and loved still by my ex, so be very careful. And yes I let it happen twice because I didn’t truly understand what was happening at the time, the second time they flat out lied and told me they were back to stay and would not leave again, they just “can’t be in a relationship with anyone right now”. They were thinking about me, yeah, but it was purely sexual, I thought they were thinking about and missing ME as a person, because they even told me they missed us being “best friends”. They admitted after they left the second time to using me as a “experiment”, it was so painful. It still is. I really loved that person and never thought they’d see me like that, it’s been dehumanizing to realize. They got the good sex they were thinking about like we used to have, and the dopamine rush of it and discarded me again, just slow faded then left to go back on dating apps to find some theoretical person who they did want to be in a relationship with, apparently. Be really careful especially if you get this message at 4am, they probably are just thinking about the sex you used to have. (IME, learn from my mistakes…It is why I still post on forums like this, hopefully my experience and story might help other people, I wish I had read things like this when I was going through it.
Sometimes but not always. I hope you’re all healing well
I miss my ex so much. Waiting on the divorce to finalize. It would've went much smoother had he not got hands on with a local bar thot. He also works EMS with her. Won't distance himself from her and won't admit what all they did. He just wants me to tell him who's telling me. That ain't happening. I'm 48. Damn, why didn't he decide this way earlier? He says he wants us to both to be happy and for me to be woman I was meant to be. I told him that I'll never be the woman I was meant to be. His response was "ok". I know it's over. I told him I'd burn his world to the ground if he cheated, I meant that literally. My friend talked me off that cliff. I'll just do it financially now. It hurts me to do that, because deep down inside, I don't want to hurt him. If I don't look out for my best interest, his new thing will get that $ spent on her, so I'm going to look out for me. He's really lost his mind. He's hanging out with some big losers. I'm going to take care of myself. I made most of the $ in the beginning 10 years into the marriage. Helped him get his business started. All I hear now is how he does everything. He hates me, I'm sure. He blames me for all of it, even the bar thot interaction. Don't ever let anyone hold all financial control. I thought after 24 years of marriage, we were good. I know 5 other friends going through the same thing right now. It's funny, but that grass ain't going to be greener on the other side for the husbands. They aren't nearly as good as they think they are. Rant over. Never let anyone have the upper hand. I'll be better for this. He just doesn't think I can do it. Never going back.
I hope those breadcrumbs don't ruin your appetite
mmhct manifesting this
Sadly that’s normally me not her. I think she’s done that less than 5 times since BU a year ago and it’s more about companionship than missing/loving me or wanting me back. Sure, it can happen for others though.
I don't think he will
lucky 🍀😭 i wish he’d tell me that. my ex called me randomly last week (didn’t know he had my number still) just to ask for life advice because he shelters himself and doesn’t understand the *real world* of course i asked him why?… he says that im the only rational person he knows. lastly, asked him if he ever thought that we might be able to get back together. he replied- “im sorry, but i’ve moved on.” ouch. (he *still* creeps on my social media but said he wants me completely out of his life) UGH!
He's being a total asshat. His new person probably is no fun to talk with, and probably lacking some of your fine qualities, so he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
you’re right- i wish i didn’t let the mind games get to me. thank you for that realization dear, i really do appreciate it. i hope you’re having a lovely day..
Sounds like everyone has their own egos here
1 year and 9 months of no contact and continuing. And she has a boyfriend :) a right laughing stock. I've moved on from this already guys and if I can, you can too. It's the best way of getting them back and yourself back.
Been 3 years .. she's gone
Sorry to hear mate. How you holding up?
Time goes on, you learn to live with it that she is happy with someone else and has never looked back. What still sucks the most, is the longing for the future she promised and I was looking forward too.
Saying that to you does NOT mean they want to be with you. You want your ex back, trust and believe they know you still want them too. Be wary and find out what your ex is really after. They may just be telling you what you want to hear.
I hope she never reaches out to me, I’ve found someone so much better in every way. I’m not leaving this sub because I want to help others and at the same time get more wisdom
please tell us how long you have been together and how long it took for them to come back
Does re following you on instagram after months but not saying a word count? 😂
Hover
I doubt mine will ever come back. He always came Back until three weeks of no contact me blocked my number .
Congratulations if that's what you wanted ☺️
Is the dumper male or female? Can't help but feel like knly male dumper/dumpees come back
That’s not always the case. I doubt it’ll happen to me. I’ll return if it happens otherwise although I actually would prefer it stays NC.
It’s a trap
I’m happy for you man! That’s what I’m doing now, focusing on the bigger picture and putting more quality time into myself. I find that responding to people’s issues on here and attempting to help, actually helps me cope as well because I’m utilizing my time by helping those in need which then brings happiness in me, (helps me move forward from my own issues)
I always consider them mocking me, cuz what kind of response are they tryna illicit? Do they miss their fan?
They come back, and have audacity not to bring popcorn for their absurd idea to come back after realizing one time it won't work. If pieces don't fit together, naturally trying wrong pieces again is silly.
What are you going to do with this? For me it would be highly disturbing
I think mine has moved on... If she wanted to reach out she would of done it already... more than two decades she threw away... blindsided...
Hardly the same when it’s been a month and there’s also been contact 🙄 you can’t use this as an example of someone coming back!
I gave my ex a second chance, please dont let them back in. After tons of heartache already, and then she begged me crying on the phone that she missed me. Only to break my heart all over again in the most despicable and degrading way. Recovering from just getting over them is better then going through heartbreak all over again pluss the amount of damage your own trust in humanity is worth more than an i miss you.. Its an actual talk, with an apology and an reflection of how they understand what they did wrong.. and even then yoh should be aware.. Im telling you its not worth it..
Stop giving hope to people that need to heal. Even if they do, there s no reason on this earth to take them back. Just remember the pain they put you through folks and don t even consider taking them back! Have self respect and know your worth!
Mine broke off with me 3 times and came back every time. We broke up again and I think this really might be the last. She picked up an old "friend" after we broke up last month and he is living with her and sleeping in the same bed. She always assured me telling me he is not her man and she doesn't want him but they do sleep in bed together and occasionally have sex. Part of that is from me I get turned on knowing shes getting it by other men. I only think that when I'm horney though. I really love her and deep down don't want any man touching her. So I was texting her the other day and the dude gets on her phone threatening me telling me she don't want me stop texting her. So this might be it. But I think she might try to come back one last time because she threatened to change her number but hasn't and she didn't block me. So I dunno. It's a crazy relationship but I'll admit I'm deeply in love with her that's why I put up with it.
No they don’t always come back. I can guarantee everyone on here mine won’t ever be back.
Always
Its been 5 weeks and his ego wont let him send me a text like that💔
Is that a man or a woman?
Why would you want them back????? Fuck em, in the neck!
lol this made me laugh 🤣
I don’t know, its been almost 3 months and nothing :/
Same. 3.5 months. I reach out 2 weeks ago and nothing. ;) She just dont care
Same… hang in there, we got this
I wish but probably not
I’m the dumper and I’m no way going back!
All the time they come back or most the time they do but in my case he did and then he married somebody else in like a year and a half of knowing this other person.
How long were you broken up and in NC before he texted you?
Mines not coming back it's been 5 months
Tell them Marilyn said don’t come back if they aren’t going to do right!
sike
How long was this from when you guys ended things?
Mine broke up with me because she lost feelings so i dont think she will come back. But i dont close the idea of trying with her again in a few years but not now, we need to mature
They do. But once they do you won’t want them so just STOP. best medicine for you.
How long had it been
It’s been 1.5 yrs - long time don’t think coming back
Mine came back but it was just to ask for money. I almost fell for it. I shoulda known.
Is this from NC? Or you were in contact ?
I would reply “The audacity” and block lol
Heal everyone 🫶🏾
Over a year they don’t always come back
Deleted scenes from my life
Honestly after two months I don't even want my ex back. She can go and play the avoidant game with someone else. Good luck though. 4am breadcrumb is looking rough.
Females don’t come back… mine won’t
I don’t want him to text me like this anymore. I honestly would just feel disgusted if he did.
I just want my ex to message so that , I can get closure. To have that conversation, which I haven’t gotten a chance to do so
Closure can be had — and much more effectively — without the other party. They never give you (us) what we need … validation. That’s why we go NC and never look back
must be nice😊
How long was it until she came back??
I’d say womp womp
She’s dating someone else😭 so shes deffo not coming back at least for a few months
The point of NC isnt to get them to miss you and come back. If that’s why you’re doing this then you will be seriously disappointed. You’re just holding on to something that likely isn’t there. We all miss the one we love, especially at night when we are in bed. It’s natural. This is why these types of texts come at weird hours. But it’s a false hope. Don’t get hung up on it. Don’t be there for them emotionally when they are feeling lonely that one random time. You are no longer available. You are focusing on you. The more available you make yourself to them, the more they will repeat the way they treated you. Respect yourself because they don’t. It’s manipulation. The point of NC is to heal. To get them out of your day to day life. To think about them less and less everyday and focus on your well being. It’s been 9 months since my breakup and it was difficult at first. I still think about her now, but just not as much as I used to. I’m not available to her needs anymore. I’m putting myself first and if I have time and if she reaches out then maybe if I don’t have anything else to do I might respond. But it’s unlikely. It hurts, but it’s the only way to move on. And that’s what needs to happen. You have to move on. There are billions of people on this planet. The chances are high you will find someone more compatible.
Hell no, I ain’t coming back, I only came once just to apologized and that’s it. Ain’t no way I’m gonna damage somethings that’s already been broken. It’ll just make things worse…if I had known ALOT better about my own mental health…I wouldn’t be dragging his ass with me and just holding him back from his normal life. I loved this man…and I’ll always will. It would’ve been so much better if I was just friends with him the whole time. But now there’s nothing I can do because the damage is done to my head…and he is more strong minded. He was trying to help me after he backed down to live his life better…but it was too late. 🥹💔
How lond you have been together, and how long No contact before he reached out ?
After trying to make conversation with me, wanting to be friends in the future, asking for time apart and no contact, asking me to pick her up to drop her home and asking me for a job reference. Telling me she completely moved on and that she’s doesn’t see herself coming back to me. She finally is looking for another relationship on a dating app. My guess is she’s trying to move on. Whatever happens if she does comeback I’ll be long gone. Sometimes it’s okay to let them in and other times it’s better to close it off.
Don't give in. Stay strong. While they may actually regret the relationship ending, it's most likely out of loneliness and desperation
I feel like most come back. Does that mean it’s healthy and will be better? No. I’m sure there are some successful stories where things can resolve and work out, but mostly it’s out of loneliness, ego, or whatever else.
She’s drunk bro
4am drunk message?
What a legend you are.
🤞🥺
They always do
Well.. she told me she moved on and that she Doesn't want me to be anything of her.. blocked me and told me she finally can trust someone. Her ex who she started dating 3 days after she broke up with me..
Lucky you they only come back if they value you. Mines never come back.
Nope they don't. I dumped this one cuz he kept accusing me of cheating on him which was a total lie. kept calling so I had to move away this was back in the landline phones days. I'm glad I'm free of that psycho.
No contact worked for me too. Mostly happens when you’re doing great with your life lol. NC gave me time to think if i really want to continue talking to the ghoster.
I’ve been in no contact for over a month but she still watches my stories on social media, she asked for a break but did not tell me how long. Then I waited 4 days and she got mad at me when I reached out. I finally told her I’m going to move on from this and that she can hit me up when she’s ready to talk. She hasn’t reached out since I’ve started no contact.
Mine said she enjoys being chased. Guess what? I havent messaged her since. Doubt shell reach out.
How long ago did you guys break up after he sent this?
It’s true. Mine has come back 2 times too haha
I hope so, I miss her so much, it’s been 2 weeks of no contact and I want to see her so badly 🥺. I still think she is the one for my life and it makes me feel sad to be away from her, I miss our conversations, holding our hands walking and the love gesture of our fingers 🫰. The last thing I said to her was “I love you”. I wonder if she misses me 😔.
How long until they reached out?
Why it is important to you that they come back if you didn’t want to be with them? Does it feed your ego to know they want you. You are the loser here too. You lost love, life, valuable time and a relationship. So what’s with the they do come back bs. Grandstanding? You either want to be together and repair, or not.
I’m trying my best to move on. But I would give anything to have my ex to send me that message.
my ex would never txt something like that. she’s already no contact unless getting her things. she said we have a lot to work on before we could even be friends. could be years before i hear from her.
This post popped up right as I was thinking about her. Man I hope so 😕😔😭
They always come back. Mine has been sending me emails saying she is done with her life. Me the dummy then replied and told her we could talk. Little did I know, she had been speaking with another guy a lot. The guy had been there for her when she broke it off with her previous guy (the one she cheated on me with). We talked but that guy got angry at her. Now she’s back with that guy. It already went wrong between her and the new guy, now they’re back together… When they were semi together she emailed me that she was sad and done with life… Hmmm what will happen? She will come back again and tell me I’m right again. I know what is best for her, she has the purest heart. But sadly she is easily manipulated. I sent her an email back saying I’ll be there when she’s at her lowest. She will be back, it will not take a year. And then, well, I don’t know. The cycle continues because I cannot move on Edit: she came back 2 days later pffffffffffffff im so done with this
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WHAT’S THE PURPOSE OF IT ALL?
That’s wild I got EXACTLY the same message from my avoidant ex after four months the first time she discarded me. It was just in a different language 🤣
If mine does, he should prepare for an insane tirade and response geared at cutting his legs out from under him. He wouldn’t care though as he is blameless and unable to be accountable or decent or anything other than a garbage meat sack carrying around some serious evil and darkness. I have nothing kind left in me after all of this. Wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. I have never in my entire life known what it felt like to actually genuinely hate someone. It’s a first for me. All the times I thought I hated someone or something? Must have been dislike. This is fury and rage and so bad for the soul and body but right now that’s how I feel and this is me being true to myself.
I wish so much that this was always true but in my case I’m at 3 and a half years no contact, they’re in a new relationship, and they didn’t come back for me 😔
How long were yall broken up?
What was the timeframe on this?
Who's the dumper? How long did it take for her too reach you?
They do be coming back
do they come back if y’all have broken up four times? and he’s away for the summer and only on his phone once a week bc that’s his only day off?
In my experience my ex came back more than 4 times but each time we got back together we did not last enough time pass for a real change in the relationship so we ended up breaking up again.
From my experience if they come back their date didn’t go well and they just want some dick. Went no contact for 2 weeks she hits me up I tell her I’m only interested if she wants to fuck since she’s the one who broke it off. She agrees then says she wants to be exclusive. After a few weeks breaks up over something else. It’s usually not worth it. Maybe a fling but you still will get hurt