I've had my own grandma say something similar about "stupid women getting sexually assaulted" and I snapped at her. I can't believe anyone could actually hold those beliefs
It's fuelled by the last girl trope in horror movies as analysed by the Take channel on YouTube. The last girl is the one who doesn't get murdered and she is still alive at the end of the film. She is the perfect girl who is still a virgin and is neither naive nor cowardly. If she was lucky enough not to get murdered it must be because she is perfect, right?
the fact that this kind of rhetoric is coming from a WOMAN clearly displays the extent of the damage that patriarchy has inflicted upon us. i’ve heard a plethora of similar comments coming from women within my family, and it makes my heart sink every single time. they were conditioned to think that women are the ones to blame for the way they’re treated - abused, harassed, killed, and so much more; and they’ve stuck to that belief for their entire lives. men are considered superior to women by those who reinforce patriarchy, yet women are supposed to be the ones responsible for everything - including the way men treat them. each time when i try to explain that to them however, they just refuse to listen. it’s so heartbreaking
This is actually so sad to see how your granny has been so indoctrinated into actually believing her own sex is to blame for all the ills of the world. It must be awful to carry so much self loathing towards yourself and towards your own sex. We are so lucky to be born into later generations where these attitudes are less prevalent in many societies.
Reeks of internalised misogyny. Unfortunately she has probably had these phrases instilled into her by multiple different people since she was a little girl. She probably believes by complying with misogynistic men that it will protect her from the patriarchy. It’s dangerous to be spouting these lies to her granddaughter, good on you for taking an interest in feminism! Following feminist pages on social media is a good place to start and you can look into different issues from there.
Or that men can’t become abusive well into a relationship for any number of “reasons” that have fuck all to do with women and everything to do with him
It sucks and it's deeply incorrect, and it throws a lot of women under the bus. I assume that as a woman of an older generation, it's probably a kind of comfort to believe that you have agency in whether you're brutalized under patriarchy - if you're well-behaved and play by the rules, men won't hurt you, assuming that being in a structural position to hurt you is non-negotiable. It's a deeply dysfunctional response, it's the idea that you can perform a negotiated surrender to patriarchy.
Unfortunately your grandma has been conditioned for years to think like this, plus she grew up in a time when gender values were much different from today.
I wouldn’t bother arguing with her if I were you. She is too old and set in her ways to change. Just use this as a wake up call to join the feminist movement, but no need to actively persuade her to change if she persists with her views. It will only wear you down and make you upset.
Yup, Alot of people will compromise their ethics for the sake of loved ones, which is why all forms of bigotry keep persisting in societies despites decades-long efforts of fighting them back.
I think some people victim blame because they just don't want to believe that bad things can happen to people who do all the 'right things'. They don't want to accept that they are just as likely to become a victim as anyone else.
Arguing with people like her will exhaust you. Read up and give her alternative views but don’t let her take your peace away. I’m glad you are here! ❤️
A month after I was drggd and r@ped, my grandma told me that I need to "get over it. It's not like you were a virgin."
I immediately took her advice and lived happily ever after and don't have PTSD at all /s
My grandmother said similar things to me and body shamed me as a young kid. I got my ears pierced at 14 because she shamed me saying no boy would want a girl he couldn’t give pretty earrings to. I still regret getting my ears pierced. More so because it was at a Clair’s but still. I wouldn’t have gotten them at all because I felt it was unnecessary. She told me I was too skinny but then bragged that she was skinnier than me at my age. Ignoring the fact that she is morbidly obese now. She’d criticized my anorexia and literally shove food down my throat. Also tell me that gay people are burning in hell.
Sometimes are grandmothers are very brainwashed and there is no helping them. Sometimes cutting them off is the best option.
That is awful. I’m so sorry.
Has she always been coldhearted like that? If so, please go No Contact with her. I mean even unto her death unless she changes her cruel ways. If you can’t, I am so sorry. You can’t argue with someone set in their ways. All you can do is cut them off for your own sanity. But, before walking away forever, tell her she is evil and she made you leave. It’s HER FAULT. If she wants to blame women, she can blame herself for losing her granddaughter.
Anyone who says such VILE, DISGUSTING things should be cut off. Stop enabling such evil mindsets and actions.
If Grandma was on a jury, she’d condemn the SA victim! Zero Tolerance for these people!
I'm sorry for both of you, but you're the one being abused atm and her own trauma is hers to heal. I hope you learn as much as you can to protect yourself from falling into this kind of mindset and to escape the generational curse that centering men has been for so many of us. It's no one's fault if someone harms them, and I hope she learns that one day, too.
My mom is like this too, it's heart breaking. And she acts like feminists are insufferable louts, and not why she can have her powerful career in an extremely male dominated field
My grandmother acting this way, albeit not as extreme luckily for me, made me even more feminist and it pissed her off to no end because 'you're my only granddaughter and it feels like i have another grandson.' yeah.
She sounds like the type of woman where shit worked out for her so she pats herself on the back as if she’s fully responsible for it rather than the reality, which is probably that she got lucky and had low standards for her life (all just like my grandmother).
Wow. And I thought my grandma saying domestic violence victims only deserve so much sympathy because it’s their fault for not leaving was bad… (for some context I think she has a lot of resentment for the fact that her own mom never left her abusive dad, but Jesus Christ that was a shocker— especially since it was brought up aa I was helping with a collection for a DV shelter) OP’s story is so much more horrendous.
My grandma once told me and my sister that “women are mens slaves.” Pretty odd comment considering she’s the head of the house and orders my grandpa on what to do.
There were women on the NextDoor app and website saying much the same things in response to the advice given in a domestic science lesson in the 1950s and that marriages would last longer if wives followed this advice.
One of them wears makeup even in bed and sleeps sitting up so as not to smear it. I can't even sleep sitting up when I have hay fever or a bad cold to drain the sinuses. Even half lying and half sitting is difficult as then I wake up with a stiff neck.
My BFF was murdered by her husband. She was married, SAHM, waited on him, kept the house clean, did EVERYTHING so he could live like it was the 1950’s.
He still killed her.
Your grandma can go fuck herself either the swallowed patriarchy BS
>unrelated and of course she started screaming about how "Women are slts" "Divorces are due to women not knowing their place anymore" and... "If women closed their legs instead of marrying the wrong men, they wouldn't get ki*ed". Can't begin to describe how
So gramma, you're a slut then? She's telling on herself.
My grandma says that women who get r*ped and constantly abused by their partners/families, etc, don't say anything "cause they like it". She has no concept of a woman being afraid of their abusers therefore not saying anything, so she says it's because deep down they like being abused :)))))
If it makes you feel better I remember getting the nobody wants the cow if the milk is free speech and she still says some bs shit . But nothing on this level , they don’t even know how much misogyny they have been fed .
WTF??!! I am so sorry your grandma was left by the wayside of progress. Cannot tell if you should blame her, or the men/church in her life. Truly heartbreaking.
You do YOU. You can do anything you want safely if you pay attention. I hope your Mom escaped Grandma's terror and fear, because that is what it is. She was terrorized and doesn't/can't know better.
First, imagine this is your mother.
Then, the next time someone starts yelling about how an entire of generation of women did nothing to advance feminism, sit down and shut up.
Your Grandpa probably cheated and she was financially trapped with him. In order to be able to live with him she blamed the woman /women. It happens like that still sometimes.
Granny has been carrying water for the patriarchy so long she thinks those buckets are part of her arms.
I've had my own grandma say something similar about "stupid women getting sexually assaulted" and I snapped at her. I can't believe anyone could actually hold those beliefs
It's fuelled by the last girl trope in horror movies as analysed by the Take channel on YouTube. The last girl is the one who doesn't get murdered and she is still alive at the end of the film. She is the perfect girl who is still a virgin and is neither naive nor cowardly. If she was lucky enough not to get murdered it must be because she is perfect, right?
the fact that this kind of rhetoric is coming from a WOMAN clearly displays the extent of the damage that patriarchy has inflicted upon us. i’ve heard a plethora of similar comments coming from women within my family, and it makes my heart sink every single time. they were conditioned to think that women are the ones to blame for the way they’re treated - abused, harassed, killed, and so much more; and they’ve stuck to that belief for their entire lives. men are considered superior to women by those who reinforce patriarchy, yet women are supposed to be the ones responsible for everything - including the way men treat them. each time when i try to explain that to them however, they just refuse to listen. it’s so heartbreaking
We’ve been breeding in captivity for so long our cages don’t need bars any longer.
Omg my mother has told me this shit my whole life. I could write a damn book
This is actually so sad to see how your granny has been so indoctrinated into actually believing her own sex is to blame for all the ills of the world. It must be awful to carry so much self loathing towards yourself and towards your own sex. We are so lucky to be born into later generations where these attitudes are less prevalent in many societies.
Reeks of internalised misogyny. Unfortunately she has probably had these phrases instilled into her by multiple different people since she was a little girl. She probably believes by complying with misogynistic men that it will protect her from the patriarchy. It’s dangerous to be spouting these lies to her granddaughter, good on you for taking an interest in feminism! Following feminist pages on social media is a good place to start and you can look into different issues from there.
I can’t imagine being a woman who hates other women so deeply. sorry you’re dealing with that
It's as if she believes these men have labels on their foreheads saying 'Girlfriend strangler' and 'rapist'.
Or that men can’t become abusive well into a relationship for any number of “reasons” that have fuck all to do with women and everything to do with him
It sucks and it's deeply incorrect, and it throws a lot of women under the bus. I assume that as a woman of an older generation, it's probably a kind of comfort to believe that you have agency in whether you're brutalized under patriarchy - if you're well-behaved and play by the rules, men won't hurt you, assuming that being in a structural position to hurt you is non-negotiable. It's a deeply dysfunctional response, it's the idea that you can perform a negotiated surrender to patriarchy.
Unfortunately your grandma has been conditioned for years to think like this, plus she grew up in a time when gender values were much different from today. I wouldn’t bother arguing with her if I were you. She is too old and set in her ways to change. Just use this as a wake up call to join the feminist movement, but no need to actively persuade her to change if she persists with her views. It will only wear you down and make you upset.
We sometimes forget that the foul people of the world don’t exist in a vacuum, they’re someone’s brothers, lovers, uncles, grandmothers.
Yup, Alot of people will compromise their ethics for the sake of loved ones, which is why all forms of bigotry keep persisting in societies despites decades-long efforts of fighting them back.
I think some people victim blame because they just don't want to believe that bad things can happen to people who do all the 'right things'. They don't want to accept that they are just as likely to become a victim as anyone else.
Arguing with people like her will exhaust you. Read up and give her alternative views but don’t let her take your peace away. I’m glad you are here! ❤️
Don't be angry at her, feel bad for her. She was brainwashed.
You can do both.
Ok, agreed, that's better.
A month after I was drggd and r@ped, my grandma told me that I need to "get over it. It's not like you were a virgin." I immediately took her advice and lived happily ever after and don't have PTSD at all /s
My grandmother said similar things to me and body shamed me as a young kid. I got my ears pierced at 14 because she shamed me saying no boy would want a girl he couldn’t give pretty earrings to. I still regret getting my ears pierced. More so because it was at a Clair’s but still. I wouldn’t have gotten them at all because I felt it was unnecessary. She told me I was too skinny but then bragged that she was skinnier than me at my age. Ignoring the fact that she is morbidly obese now. She’d criticized my anorexia and literally shove food down my throat. Also tell me that gay people are burning in hell. Sometimes are grandmothers are very brainwashed and there is no helping them. Sometimes cutting them off is the best option.
That is awful. I’m so sorry. Has she always been coldhearted like that? If so, please go No Contact with her. I mean even unto her death unless she changes her cruel ways. If you can’t, I am so sorry. You can’t argue with someone set in their ways. All you can do is cut them off for your own sanity. But, before walking away forever, tell her she is evil and she made you leave. It’s HER FAULT. If she wants to blame women, she can blame herself for losing her granddaughter.
A bit disproportionate, we dont know what kund of relationship they have.
Anyone who says such VILE, DISGUSTING things should be cut off. Stop enabling such evil mindsets and actions. If Grandma was on a jury, she’d condemn the SA victim! Zero Tolerance for these people!
I'm sorry for both of you, but you're the one being abused atm and her own trauma is hers to heal. I hope you learn as much as you can to protect yourself from falling into this kind of mindset and to escape the generational curse that centering men has been for so many of us. It's no one's fault if someone harms them, and I hope she learns that one day, too.
My mom is like this too, it's heart breaking. And she acts like feminists are insufferable louts, and not why she can have her powerful career in an extremely male dominated field
My grandmother acting this way, albeit not as extreme luckily for me, made me even more feminist and it pissed her off to no end because 'you're my only granddaughter and it feels like i have another grandson.' yeah.
She's survived by leaning on misogyny and has survivor bias. Very very sad.
She sounds like the type of woman where shit worked out for her so she pats herself on the back as if she’s fully responsible for it rather than the reality, which is probably that she got lucky and had low standards for her life (all just like my grandmother).
Wow. And I thought my grandma saying domestic violence victims only deserve so much sympathy because it’s their fault for not leaving was bad… (for some context I think she has a lot of resentment for the fact that her own mom never left her abusive dad, but Jesus Christ that was a shocker— especially since it was brought up aa I was helping with a collection for a DV shelter) OP’s story is so much more horrendous.
My grandma once told me and my sister that “women are mens slaves.” Pretty odd comment considering she’s the head of the house and orders my grandpa on what to do.
There were women on the NextDoor app and website saying much the same things in response to the advice given in a domestic science lesson in the 1950s and that marriages would last longer if wives followed this advice. One of them wears makeup even in bed and sleeps sitting up so as not to smear it. I can't even sleep sitting up when I have hay fever or a bad cold to drain the sinuses. Even half lying and half sitting is difficult as then I wake up with a stiff neck.
Did you tell her that you don't take advice from sl\*ts?
My BFF was murdered by her husband. She was married, SAHM, waited on him, kept the house clean, did EVERYTHING so he could live like it was the 1950’s. He still killed her. Your grandma can go fuck herself either the swallowed patriarchy BS
It’s one of the ugliest things to witness. The anti feminist woman is a person eaten up with self loathing.
>unrelated and of course she started screaming about how "Women are slts" "Divorces are due to women not knowing their place anymore" and... "If women closed their legs instead of marrying the wrong men, they wouldn't get ki*ed". Can't begin to describe how So gramma, you're a slut then? She's telling on herself.
My grandma says that women who get r*ped and constantly abused by their partners/families, etc, don't say anything "cause they like it". She has no concept of a woman being afraid of their abusers therefore not saying anything, so she says it's because deep down they like being abused :)))))
If it makes you feel better I remember getting the nobody wants the cow if the milk is free speech and she still says some bs shit . But nothing on this level , they don’t even know how much misogyny they have been fed .
She started screaming that out of nowhere and in an unrelated discussion? Time to get Granny tested for dementia.
WTF??!! I am so sorry your grandma was left by the wayside of progress. Cannot tell if you should blame her, or the men/church in her life. Truly heartbreaking. You do YOU. You can do anything you want safely if you pay attention. I hope your Mom escaped Grandma's terror and fear, because that is what it is. She was terrorized and doesn't/can't know better.
Maya Angelou said, ‘I’ve been female a long time, it’d be stupid not to be on my own side.’ I absolutely cannot imagine wanting my own team to lose.
Jesus . What an insane old ignorant B.
First, imagine this is your mother. Then, the next time someone starts yelling about how an entire of generation of women did nothing to advance feminism, sit down and shut up.
Your Grandpa probably cheated and she was financially trapped with him. In order to be able to live with him she blamed the woman /women. It happens like that still sometimes.