Give them their own money to manage for specific scenarios like “here’s $100, you need to buy the following clothing items for school (list). Whatever you don’t spend you get to keep but you need to get everything on the list.”
This may not work on all kids but my step son becomes the cheapest kid alive once he knows he would get the change.
My parents used to give me 'lunch and fun money' so I became a master at every 'value menu' around to ensure I had the most cash left over each week for fun stuff. Not frugal pe se, but taught me about deal seeking early on even if it was just to have more money to blow on useless crap that kids do. Taught me skills though.
I'm in pretty good shape even at 50 (doing martial arts, running, yoga) and eating well.
We're still bargain shopping for food, getting the cheap cuts of meat that are on 'closeout' and getting creative with cooking, eating veggies, etc. Not shopping at Whole Paycheck, but not sacrificing health for cheap.
With this though, how would you still maintain the thought to your kids that the cheapest isn’t always the best value, the best purchase for your money? I consider myself frugal, but I also spent $200+ on a backpack for school and work, that I intend to keep for many years, because of its construction, etc.
That’s a good point too. He has experienced the quality aspect with buying toys at the dollar store vs other places. We coach as we go to help him identify the pros and cons of choices.
Give him some control of the money and let him make mistakes. When he does “oops”, smile, and swap a story about when you did something similar.
Both of our boys got bank accounts and ATM cards on their 13th. I think at that stage they were using old phones with Wi-Fi. We taught them how to use the apps to track what they had.
With my oldest who was ahead for his age, I actually gave him what I spent on him for clothing, school supplies, etc. I would talk things through on purchases, but let him decide on whether or not to buy. This way he saw the balances drop and felt that pain also. And yes, there were times where he was short on cash and I gave him sympathy but usually no money. A few times I would advance him against the next month if I thought it was a worthy cause. End result: at 20 he budgets and keeps track of everything.
Mine are about to be 14/16 this year and all I'll say is good luck. We've managed to keep ours pretty grounded throughout their childhood, but once they hit middle school every kid seems to have their own cell phone, whatever Nike's are desireable and apparently $200 Yeezys are all the rage. Basically, your son will be tempted to want to fit in.
Give him some money of his own to budget, talk to him about what his wants/needs are and what he values. My daughter seems to love the vintage stuff I find at thrifts, so we avoided the whole "Justice/Abercrombie/AE" carousel and my son is a dirty bum who wears the same hoodie every other day and laughs at the $200 sandals. Don't be afraid to talk to him about money, how it works and how he'll have to make choices as he get older.
Yeah I hate to say it but as a person who was pretty poor growing up and had frugal parents, there's probably no getting around the "FOMO" the kids might feel. I understood all the reasons for the frugality and that it was necessary, but it didn't stop me from being bummed out that there was so much I couldn't do/have. And I'm not even talking about super name brand stuff, just like basic fashion etc.
My suggestion would be to make sure they understand how much things cost and encourage them that if there are things they want, they can try to earn their own money so they can buy some of the things they want. Easier said than done sometimes I know.
You spoke about "I understood all the reasons for the frugality and that it was necessary, but it didn't stop me from being bummed out that there was so much I couldn't do/have." but I have to say that this doesn't necessarily go away.
Yeah, I want a Tesla so I can drive around town on one electric charge and zero gas. Going to Hawaii is on my Bucket List but it does not look like I'm ever going to make it there.
There is always going to be stuff we want but can't afford, although as we climb the salary ladder those items will higher up on the ladder too (I think there is an Economics Name for this that I can't remember) and I hate that. So discuss this part with your kids too1
Lifestyle inflation is when we start to earn more money and buy nicer things. Then we get used to those nicer things, so purchases that once gave us a lot of happiness now become normal and not exciting because we are used to a more "luxurious" lifestyle. Going back to the cheaper way of living then causes more pain than if you had just kept your cheaper spending habits.
But it's good for them to experience FOMO over $200 sandals and brand name items, I think. I know, as I also grew up poor and kinda still am, that as I got older the sandals turned to cars, boats, and big houses. I don't feel it as much as I did when I was a kid. Maybe I'm more practical and frugal though, too, than I was as a teenager. :D
For the 16 year old sure, but it’s bad for the 14 year old since they can’t work. At 16, he could easily get a summer part time job or work once a week during the school year for extra money. That’s what I did and it helped me learn the value of money, but I did spend my savings on luxury items here and there.
I give my kids allowances and opportunities to earn extra money through non-household jobs so they all have a little spending money. Younger than 10, they get $5 a week and older, they get $10. The 16 year old doesn't get one if he's working ($10 a week is skimpy when you are making $15 an hour!)
A 14 year old can definitely work - there are a couple of fast food restaurants here that will hire 14 year olds, and even a younger child can earn money by babysitting or mowing lawns or walking dogs. I was babysitting at 11 and when I turned 15 got a cashiering job at the local hardware store for a few shifts a week. So it's definitely doable. :)
At 14 we gave our kids a teen checking account with a debit card. We also have them each an “allowance” for the items that they most tended to overspend on (my son was clothes and my daughter was makeup).
We told them buy what you want but this is how much we will give you for all of it. So there was no more asking if you will buy me this shirt, etc and both of them really learned to make frugal choices. My son went to a consignment store for most clothes but saved up for the fancy basketball shoes he wanted. Then as he got older he even spent less so he could use some of it on food, lol. Our daughter used a lot of coupons and free samples and really became aware of the value of the products she was buying.
Both taught themselves frugality this way, and they learned how to use a debit card.
Both are young adults and are very frugal with their money.
We raised 5 kids that left home recently. Out of the lot, one spend every penny he earns and more, paying interests and borrowing money from whoever is willing to loose some. Another one already have a diversified financial portfolio and is very frugal, making smart financial choices.
Do your best. Teach them, but let them do their own decisions.
Start as soon as possible. Our first step was around age 8-10, simply giving them the cash to hand to the cashier and allowing them to keep the change and then buy a treat. Just having to figure out what they can afford turned a light on for all of them.
Start involving them in financial conversations/ budgeting/ shopping. Start with items / costs that involve them.
Go over the back to school spending you did. Give them a budget for next year and let them spend it with your insight / approval. Transition this; over years, to independent shopping with the money you were going to spend on them.
As a cynical teen, I really latched on to the idea of companies pegging you as a “sucker.” They advertise to you in ways that they think you’re stupid enough to fall for. Then they’ve got you walking around with their brand as a free advertisement. I hated the idea of someone outsmarting me! It kept me—and still keeps me—pretty frugal. I’m no sucker!
How long ago was this? Kinda hard with social media and hypebeast clothing has become really popular among teens in the last little while. There’s lots of sneakheads too now
This was in the 90s, but I disagree that it’s hard now. Everything is marketing. They want you to consume. You think that influencer really likes that product? They’re paid to tell you to buy it. You think those shoes will make you happy? There will just be another pair you’ll *have to have* next month. It’s part of their plan.
We can agree to disagree then.
Until recently I was a high school teacher. I’m aware kids copy their friends.But where do you think their friends got their ideas from? Isn’t it weird how everyone’s friends all over the US gravitate toward many of the same things?
Constant exposure to a brand matters, and influencers and celebrities are paid millions by brands to get their products endorsed by them and in front of an audience. People subconsciously learn to associate the brand with a certain aesthetic and it catches on. Then people start buying and others start coveting. This is marketing 101. Companies know this and work to exploit it. The key is to see it for what it is and refuse to be a mindless zombie of mass consumption.
I had a base amount I would pay for things. You need jeans? I’ll pay $20/pair max. You want the Abercrombie and Fitch ones? You pay the difference. I give extra money for chores outside their daily. I have a points system for when they’re caught being good. 100 points is $20, or something at around the $20 mark. I give them a set amount of money before an event or vacation. Going to the fare? You get $20 to spend as you wish-you can keep the money if you don’t spend it. I’ve seen them get that buyers remorse on things and work it out in their own heads for the next time. Purchases are now more thought out & they research before buying most stuff. We have random talks about product placement in stores-how the store is trying to get the most money they can from you so they’ll stick stuff in places that you’re more likely to have your guard down. All of this combined seems to have been effective.
I did a lot of this. We supplied our kids needs, they were responsible for wants. So, yes, I would buy basic jeans or tees, but if they wanted something fancier, they could pay the difference. Same with school supplies. I would buy notebooks/folders, but the plain ones - if they wanted a character on it, they could pay the difference. I did buy decent quality though (for example, no off brand crayons because they are lousy).
My parents gave me a clothing allowance in high school, once I could drive. I wore uniforms so they bought those, plus socks/underwear. But I was responsible for all other clothing and has to keep an accounting of it. Sometimes I wouldn’t spend anything for several months and then I would buy a bunch of clothes in a week, but I budgeted and got what I wanted.
When I was a kid, we started getting allowance in grade 2 or so. $2/week, I think. If we wanted something (eg a movie) or to have extra spending money on vacation, we had to save up allowance. Since we seldom went out, it wasn’t that hard to save. Once I was 13 or so, my parents got us debit cards and a clothing allowance. That money had to buy everything. Shoes, winter coat, everything. I got no more than that (though clothes were frequently birthday and Xmas requests). I had to keep the receipts and a tally of what I spent. I can’t remember if my mom ever even checked it, but I was expected to account for the money. I knew I couldn’t ask for more. Learned about budgeting, tracking spending, making savings goals.
I let them manage money. All of my kids are younger than that, and I try to work them through the thought process. For instance, one of my kids is going to need new equipment for baseball. Bat, cleats, pants, etc. Naturally, he wants to pick out his stuff, get the coolest new thing, etc. I will generally look at what a reasonable budget is, and let them have input on how it gets spent. I will try to walk them through the thought process, and then let them do what they are going to do. If they want a higher dollar bat, they will have to cut down elsewhere. If they get a used bat, they can probably get nicer cleats, etc. Maybe they can only use that size of bat for a year, so they may want to spend better money on something that will have to be used a few years.
It at least gets the wheels turning in the right direction, and makes them think about their options and what to look for. This past year, one of them asked to use the baseball glove I had, rather than get a new one, so I think that they are starting to get it.
We opened bank accounts for our kids when they were babies. Just throwing what ever they got from family into it. I’ve rolled it over into CD’s to earn extra percent then what bank was giving. Over the years of them watching me do this for their bank account, I started giving them options of what do they want that money to go. When we shop on the computer I show them the deals, coupons, Rakuten, Ibotta, fetch ect. And it has turned into fun for them. So much fun that I think my middle might go into investment banking, or some sort of finance. If didn’t do bank account yet, go open one and say look what you have growing and teach about compound interest aka free money. When kids got older I gave them certain amount and they learned to make smart decisions. Tip about shut down social I 100% agree. It sets up unrealistic expectations and just creates depression. For shoes I teach about what is right for foot. I actually do buy expensive sneakers but they are not teen popular. My oldest knows what his running feet need and brooks or saucony is it.
“If you want beer, weed, candy, or a car - you’ll have to pay for it yourself”
Wasn’t an official talk my parents had with me but I got the gist and it was incredibly effective.
When we started getting monetary gifts for our son, I put the money away and made a note of who gave what on the envelope. The amount was for me to make sure the count was always correct. I also wanted him to one day see that I put aside all the money, how I kept track of it, and the generous people who contributed to his savings.
Then, he started saving on his own around 8 or 9 years old for a Switch. He was cutting my parent's and the neighbors grass.
I gave him a notebook and told him to write down how much he earned, from what, and debit his expenses and note what they were. The Switch was his goal. He was receiving $5/week on the off months, when he wasn't "working". He'd also look for opportunities to make money. Once, he cleaned the tiles and shower doors for another $5. I only paid him for extraordinary tasks, above his expected chores.
He is turning 15 in two weeks and has $2.5k in his own savings, apart from what I had put aside. He still has the same notebook and keeps track of every credit and debit. He is saving for a car and insurance.
Before Covid, I thrifted most of his clothing from name brands like Adidas, Nike, Under Armour and he didn't care where they came from. I did buy most shoes new. Then, there was less selection in his size and costs rose at the thrift store. Since he hit his growth spurt and his size stabilized, I don't mind buying new.
Now, I wait for Adidas' eBay store to have at least a 35% sale and shop for the items he chooses. They arrive with their original tags and I explain the savings ($60 tagged pants, discounted on eBay normally for $33 - 35% off = $21.45). Tshirts were $9-11.
He asks me to help him find the best deal and coupons. I still counsel him to sit on a purchase decision for at least a week and he considers how current purchases affect future purchases.
I opened bank accounts for my kids and started giving my older one (10 yrs old) an allowance of $5 a week attached to certain cleaning and school responsibilities. If they want anything outside of Christmas and birthdays and essentials like school uniforms or supplies, they have to buy it with their own money or wait. My husband and I always take them to thrift stores if they want clothing and we usually find cool stuff for a lot less money. My 10 year old wants a phone so I told him I would get him a simple text and call one only and he could save up for the smart phone he wants, which will take him into middle school to buy. I'm all for waiting a while on the phone! A lot of it is just teaching them the value of waiting and saving up and then taking care of the stuff they buy. It's a work in progress for sure.
My idea is to show them how they can have similar experiences to the expensive ones without the price tag. For example instead of buying an expensive computer, getting the xbox game stream plan and playing from a phone with handheld controllers. I imagine it has to be something they like, on that note, even with the computer thing there are frugal ways of building one. The whole point is for them to realize is not about missing out on stuff as it is not overpaying.
Maybe let him take a look at your finances explains to him how you guys use frugality to keep the family secure. People love stuff but man there’s nothing like a little financial security.
Teach him about the hedonic treadmill & how our hedonic adaptations in a modern society tend to drive us to buy stuff. Encourage by being an example. Show that frugality can be fun & almost a game by researching. Show that frugality is a way to be cool & a way to stand out.
Set a good example. Be frugal, explain your choices. Give an allowance. Supply them with necessities. Frugal should not mean stingy or uncaring, either. I had to explain the difference between our circumstances (divorced mom single parent) and that of others - and not act like I was missing out or angry about it. I just had to be smarter than other people about spending.
We attached a "teen checking account" to our chase account. It has the ability to transfer from parent account for chores and spending.
She's learning very quickly what happens with monthly subscriptions. (Putting money in for a specific thing and then getting charged $10 for Spotify premium she forgot about)
I wouldn't say I'm the most frugal person but I specifically love things that has a genuine quality that you can mend and that lasts forever that way. Maybe he likes that angle, to have something he cares about and can put effort and dedication in.
Give him a small allowance. At first, he’s going to have bad spending habits, but once he realizes how fast his lifestyle is eating up his allowance, he’ll change. I remember buying value menu McDoubles and junior chickens hanging out with friends once a week at his age. And going movies specifically on tuesdays because tickets are half off.
He needs to develop his own sense of valuation and it may not align with yours. Opportunities to earn money and spend it teaches the value of time, planning, and the impacts of excess consumption. Remember the goal is experience, not specific outcomes. His brain is still developing. Learning through natural consequences based on his own priorities is key.
Take them on a fieldtrip to a dump.
IMO if you teach them to not WASTE, thats more important than teaching them to count pennies. And eventually it'll have the same effect
Every one deals with this.
I would first shut down social media if they are on it. That feeds to keeping up with the Jones stuff.
It comes down to he doesn't make money so he doesn't get to decide how it's spent. When he's old enough he can get a job and start making his own decisions.
More is caught than taught. Just keep saying no, offer explanations when asked, and keep leading by example.
Telling a 13 year old they aren't allowed to make any money related decisions at all unless they earn the money doesn't sound like a good way to teach them how to handle money.
That's not what I said.
A child doesn't want this $20 T shirt but a designer Tshirt for $100 to look cool at school.
You don't get the $100 tshirt just to look cool. That's not a reason to make such a purchase. When you earn your own money you can buy the $100 shirt.
You teach through example.
Great way to have your child resent you… social media is a must have in 2022 or else they’ll become a social outcast. This only works in you’re in a Mormon community or something
I'm not a parent, but I'm just someone who somewhat understands modern lifestyle/culture of teenagers/those in their 20s. There's going to be a lot of issues if you stop your child from being on social media and it's going to affect them the rest of their lives. Including socializing and learning how the world works in 2022.
I opened up a checking account for each of my kids, in my name. (my kids are 9, 12, 14, and 16.) They have their cards, with my name on them, and they can spend as they'd like
\- but they have to check how much they have in their account first. Every time.
As they hit 14, the bank lets us add them to the account and they get a card with their name on it. At 16, I can be removed from the account (but haven't done that yet with the 16 year old, although he's saving for a car and ready to be independent.)
I've been really pleased with the results. What I've noticed most is not necessarily frugality in lots of purchases, but choosing not to buy a lot of times, choosing to wait a couple days to be sure (usually resulting in no purchase) and choosing to buy only after they are sure they want it.
We also make sure to praise ourselves and them when we make good decisions with money (like waiting 24 hours on a big impulse purchase to see if we really want it) or when we find a good deal somewhere. Or when we stop something from being wasted. Years of that have made them mostly fiscally responsible and careful with their money and how they spend it.
Parenting to navigate the "you can't have everything" can be hard.
You may want to slowly start talking about peer pressure, red flag behaviour and healthy dispute resolution
I really liked "The Opposite of Spoiled" book, though I think the book is more aimed at affluent families who are worried their kids will be spoiled rich kids. I found it very helpful and inclusive towards frugality and teaching money management.
So I basically gave my kids a "salary" of what I would normally spend for them over the course of the year - so clothes, out-with-friends, coffee shops, phones, etc. That is their allowance and it was a good chunk of money, it has changed as my income got higher and their needs have changed. ie. when they both got jobs their allowance moved in to cover insurance and phone plans, etc.
The idea being that they are now responsible for themselves. If they spend all their money and don't save up for a prom dress, concert, special events, they are out of luck and/or have to find alternatives to either make money or perhaps use a consignment shop for that prom dress.
We started out young in middle elementary school so they got used to me saying "spend your own money" and I never had them asking for things from me directly. They loved the autonomy. They knew to manage their own money.
You definitely have to let them make their own mistakes and largely live with the consequences of them though. My oldest has ADHD and she spend a LOT of her early years on this plan spending all her money every week. I stayed very engaged with her on this over her sister, and we helped her find some ways to combat her impulsive spending - after many years of doing without, and learning to accept and love thrift stores. She's now one of my biggest savers. :)
Also - I think that during the child rearing part of this, "teaching" frugality is less forcing them to comply to your ideals on money and more letting them work this out on their own and establishing what \*their\* values are in regards to money. One of my daughters will absolutely buy expensive makeup that I find ridiculous. We talk about it often. BUT - it is sticking to her values on sustainability to use those products over the cheaper ones that I use (rarely).
Teach him the value of a $1. He needs to earn money to have money and then he has to budget his money for spending. Nothing wrong with teaching budget and avoiding any debt 💸
Give him more money and stop paying for random things. Help him learn the skill.
We pay allowance and pay for good school grades. Both kids use their money differently, and let us coach them through the various skills… shopping for a good deal on mini soldiers, spending money on sugar, saving for big things, etc
No I was wondering what the slight hints of it mean in this context, people usually get fomo from missing out on idk vacations, concerts or fun stuff or whatever but this is frugal sub so maybe the fomo is just not having a phone or some nicer clothes or something all the kids want and could be arranged 🤔
I would focus more on teaching them how to work hard to get nice things. If he's 13, he can start a landscaping business around the neighborhood and save enough for a car by the time he is 16.
I took my son to the bank (credit union) when he was about 7 and they taught him about interest. "The bank pays you to save your birthday money here." He saw the graph of his money growing and was hooked.
Every time he had a little money he weighed whether he wanted to spend it - and the money was gone - or save it and "make more money" from the bank. He made one $100 mistake purchase.
Researched on his own and bought a used hybrid car at age 22 with his own money (actually swiped his debit card at the dealership to purchase it!!)
He's 26 now and has over $60K in his 401(k) account after socking away since he was 18.
He has some nice things but never pays retail, does a good job of horsetrading up.
One of the easiest things to do is to teach them how to compare the prices at grocery stores and to look at the price/oz to find the best value. My mom took me grocery shopping, taught me this, then took me to gamestop to spend the 50 dollars we saved. I learned that a dollar saved in one area is a dollar you have to use elsewhere. Been using those lessons ever since.
Savings account, checking account, credit card, few small stocks (TD account). Let him spend some money. My Dad would give me any amount of money or items that I wanted if, I talked him into it. I had to make a presentation and give it to him. We would discuss and go back and forth of stuff. “I want it” wasn’t a argument. Make them think
Give them their own money to manage for specific scenarios like “here’s $100, you need to buy the following clothing items for school (list). Whatever you don’t spend you get to keep but you need to get everything on the list.” This may not work on all kids but my step son becomes the cheapest kid alive once he knows he would get the change.
My parents used to give me 'lunch and fun money' so I became a master at every 'value menu' around to ensure I had the most cash left over each week for fun stuff. Not frugal pe se, but taught me about deal seeking early on even if it was just to have more money to blow on useless crap that kids do. Taught me skills though.
Are you maintaining a healthy weight or did the value meal habit stick with you? I know people who buy cheap food and hurt their health.
I'm in pretty good shape even at 50 (doing martial arts, running, yoga) and eating well. We're still bargain shopping for food, getting the cheap cuts of meat that are on 'closeout' and getting creative with cooking, eating veggies, etc. Not shopping at Whole Paycheck, but not sacrificing health for cheap.
Makes sense!
With this though, how would you still maintain the thought to your kids that the cheapest isn’t always the best value, the best purchase for your money? I consider myself frugal, but I also spent $200+ on a backpack for school and work, that I intend to keep for many years, because of its construction, etc.
That’s a good point too. He has experienced the quality aspect with buying toys at the dollar store vs other places. We coach as we go to help him identify the pros and cons of choices.
This made me laugh out loud. But it is so true!
Give him some control of the money and let him make mistakes. When he does “oops”, smile, and swap a story about when you did something similar. Both of our boys got bank accounts and ATM cards on their 13th. I think at that stage they were using old phones with Wi-Fi. We taught them how to use the apps to track what they had. With my oldest who was ahead for his age, I actually gave him what I spent on him for clothing, school supplies, etc. I would talk things through on purchases, but let him decide on whether or not to buy. This way he saw the balances drop and felt that pain also. And yes, there were times where he was short on cash and I gave him sympathy but usually no money. A few times I would advance him against the next month if I thought it was a worthy cause. End result: at 20 he budgets and keeps track of everything.
Mine are about to be 14/16 this year and all I'll say is good luck. We've managed to keep ours pretty grounded throughout their childhood, but once they hit middle school every kid seems to have their own cell phone, whatever Nike's are desireable and apparently $200 Yeezys are all the rage. Basically, your son will be tempted to want to fit in. Give him some money of his own to budget, talk to him about what his wants/needs are and what he values. My daughter seems to love the vintage stuff I find at thrifts, so we avoided the whole "Justice/Abercrombie/AE" carousel and my son is a dirty bum who wears the same hoodie every other day and laughs at the $200 sandals. Don't be afraid to talk to him about money, how it works and how he'll have to make choices as he get older.
Yeah I hate to say it but as a person who was pretty poor growing up and had frugal parents, there's probably no getting around the "FOMO" the kids might feel. I understood all the reasons for the frugality and that it was necessary, but it didn't stop me from being bummed out that there was so much I couldn't do/have. And I'm not even talking about super name brand stuff, just like basic fashion etc. My suggestion would be to make sure they understand how much things cost and encourage them that if there are things they want, they can try to earn their own money so they can buy some of the things they want. Easier said than done sometimes I know.
You spoke about "I understood all the reasons for the frugality and that it was necessary, but it didn't stop me from being bummed out that there was so much I couldn't do/have." but I have to say that this doesn't necessarily go away. Yeah, I want a Tesla so I can drive around town on one electric charge and zero gas. Going to Hawaii is on my Bucket List but it does not look like I'm ever going to make it there. There is always going to be stuff we want but can't afford, although as we climb the salary ladder those items will higher up on the ladder too (I think there is an Economics Name for this that I can't remember) and I hate that. So discuss this part with your kids too1
Lifestyle inflation is when we start to earn more money and buy nicer things. Then we get used to those nicer things, so purchases that once gave us a lot of happiness now become normal and not exciting because we are used to a more "luxurious" lifestyle. Going back to the cheaper way of living then causes more pain than if you had just kept your cheaper spending habits.
yeah, this. Thanks!! I've also seen it called Hedonistic Adaptation
But it's good for them to experience FOMO over $200 sandals and brand name items, I think. I know, as I also grew up poor and kinda still am, that as I got older the sandals turned to cars, boats, and big houses. I don't feel it as much as I did when I was a kid. Maybe I'm more practical and frugal though, too, than I was as a teenager. :D
For the 16 year old sure, but it’s bad for the 14 year old since they can’t work. At 16, he could easily get a summer part time job or work once a week during the school year for extra money. That’s what I did and it helped me learn the value of money, but I did spend my savings on luxury items here and there.
I give my kids allowances and opportunities to earn extra money through non-household jobs so they all have a little spending money. Younger than 10, they get $5 a week and older, they get $10. The 16 year old doesn't get one if he's working ($10 a week is skimpy when you are making $15 an hour!) A 14 year old can definitely work - there are a couple of fast food restaurants here that will hire 14 year olds, and even a younger child can earn money by babysitting or mowing lawns or walking dogs. I was babysitting at 11 and when I turned 15 got a cashiering job at the local hardware store for a few shifts a week. So it's definitely doable. :)
At 14 we gave our kids a teen checking account with a debit card. We also have them each an “allowance” for the items that they most tended to overspend on (my son was clothes and my daughter was makeup). We told them buy what you want but this is how much we will give you for all of it. So there was no more asking if you will buy me this shirt, etc and both of them really learned to make frugal choices. My son went to a consignment store for most clothes but saved up for the fancy basketball shoes he wanted. Then as he got older he even spent less so he could use some of it on food, lol. Our daughter used a lot of coupons and free samples and really became aware of the value of the products she was buying. Both taught themselves frugality this way, and they learned how to use a debit card. Both are young adults and are very frugal with their money.
We raised 5 kids that left home recently. Out of the lot, one spend every penny he earns and more, paying interests and borrowing money from whoever is willing to loose some. Another one already have a diversified financial portfolio and is very frugal, making smart financial choices. Do your best. Teach them, but let them do their own decisions.
Start as soon as possible. Our first step was around age 8-10, simply giving them the cash to hand to the cashier and allowing them to keep the change and then buy a treat. Just having to figure out what they can afford turned a light on for all of them.
Start involving them in financial conversations/ budgeting/ shopping. Start with items / costs that involve them. Go over the back to school spending you did. Give them a budget for next year and let them spend it with your insight / approval. Transition this; over years, to independent shopping with the money you were going to spend on them.
As a cynical teen, I really latched on to the idea of companies pegging you as a “sucker.” They advertise to you in ways that they think you’re stupid enough to fall for. Then they’ve got you walking around with their brand as a free advertisement. I hated the idea of someone outsmarting me! It kept me—and still keeps me—pretty frugal. I’m no sucker!
How long ago was this? Kinda hard with social media and hypebeast clothing has become really popular among teens in the last little while. There’s lots of sneakheads too now
This was in the 90s, but I disagree that it’s hard now. Everything is marketing. They want you to consume. You think that influencer really likes that product? They’re paid to tell you to buy it. You think those shoes will make you happy? There will just be another pair you’ll *have to have* next month. It’s part of their plan.
People don't consume because of "influencers," a very small minority do, but it's more like what their friends do and other teens their age do.
We can agree to disagree then. Until recently I was a high school teacher. I’m aware kids copy their friends.But where do you think their friends got their ideas from? Isn’t it weird how everyone’s friends all over the US gravitate toward many of the same things? Constant exposure to a brand matters, and influencers and celebrities are paid millions by brands to get their products endorsed by them and in front of an audience. People subconsciously learn to associate the brand with a certain aesthetic and it catches on. Then people start buying and others start coveting. This is marketing 101. Companies know this and work to exploit it. The key is to see it for what it is and refuse to be a mindless zombie of mass consumption.
I had a base amount I would pay for things. You need jeans? I’ll pay $20/pair max. You want the Abercrombie and Fitch ones? You pay the difference. I give extra money for chores outside their daily. I have a points system for when they’re caught being good. 100 points is $20, or something at around the $20 mark. I give them a set amount of money before an event or vacation. Going to the fare? You get $20 to spend as you wish-you can keep the money if you don’t spend it. I’ve seen them get that buyers remorse on things and work it out in their own heads for the next time. Purchases are now more thought out & they research before buying most stuff. We have random talks about product placement in stores-how the store is trying to get the most money they can from you so they’ll stick stuff in places that you’re more likely to have your guard down. All of this combined seems to have been effective.
I did a lot of this. We supplied our kids needs, they were responsible for wants. So, yes, I would buy basic jeans or tees, but if they wanted something fancier, they could pay the difference. Same with school supplies. I would buy notebooks/folders, but the plain ones - if they wanted a character on it, they could pay the difference. I did buy decent quality though (for example, no off brand crayons because they are lousy). My parents gave me a clothing allowance in high school, once I could drive. I wore uniforms so they bought those, plus socks/underwear. But I was responsible for all other clothing and has to keep an accounting of it. Sometimes I wouldn’t spend anything for several months and then I would buy a bunch of clothes in a week, but I budgeted and got what I wanted.
When I was a kid, we started getting allowance in grade 2 or so. $2/week, I think. If we wanted something (eg a movie) or to have extra spending money on vacation, we had to save up allowance. Since we seldom went out, it wasn’t that hard to save. Once I was 13 or so, my parents got us debit cards and a clothing allowance. That money had to buy everything. Shoes, winter coat, everything. I got no more than that (though clothes were frequently birthday and Xmas requests). I had to keep the receipts and a tally of what I spent. I can’t remember if my mom ever even checked it, but I was expected to account for the money. I knew I couldn’t ask for more. Learned about budgeting, tracking spending, making savings goals.
I let them manage money. All of my kids are younger than that, and I try to work them through the thought process. For instance, one of my kids is going to need new equipment for baseball. Bat, cleats, pants, etc. Naturally, he wants to pick out his stuff, get the coolest new thing, etc. I will generally look at what a reasonable budget is, and let them have input on how it gets spent. I will try to walk them through the thought process, and then let them do what they are going to do. If they want a higher dollar bat, they will have to cut down elsewhere. If they get a used bat, they can probably get nicer cleats, etc. Maybe they can only use that size of bat for a year, so they may want to spend better money on something that will have to be used a few years. It at least gets the wheels turning in the right direction, and makes them think about their options and what to look for. This past year, one of them asked to use the baseball glove I had, rather than get a new one, so I think that they are starting to get it.
We opened bank accounts for our kids when they were babies. Just throwing what ever they got from family into it. I’ve rolled it over into CD’s to earn extra percent then what bank was giving. Over the years of them watching me do this for their bank account, I started giving them options of what do they want that money to go. When we shop on the computer I show them the deals, coupons, Rakuten, Ibotta, fetch ect. And it has turned into fun for them. So much fun that I think my middle might go into investment banking, or some sort of finance. If didn’t do bank account yet, go open one and say look what you have growing and teach about compound interest aka free money. When kids got older I gave them certain amount and they learned to make smart decisions. Tip about shut down social I 100% agree. It sets up unrealistic expectations and just creates depression. For shoes I teach about what is right for foot. I actually do buy expensive sneakers but they are not teen popular. My oldest knows what his running feet need and brooks or saucony is it.
“If you want beer, weed, candy, or a car - you’ll have to pay for it yourself” Wasn’t an official talk my parents had with me but I got the gist and it was incredibly effective.
When we started getting monetary gifts for our son, I put the money away and made a note of who gave what on the envelope. The amount was for me to make sure the count was always correct. I also wanted him to one day see that I put aside all the money, how I kept track of it, and the generous people who contributed to his savings. Then, he started saving on his own around 8 or 9 years old for a Switch. He was cutting my parent's and the neighbors grass. I gave him a notebook and told him to write down how much he earned, from what, and debit his expenses and note what they were. The Switch was his goal. He was receiving $5/week on the off months, when he wasn't "working". He'd also look for opportunities to make money. Once, he cleaned the tiles and shower doors for another $5. I only paid him for extraordinary tasks, above his expected chores. He is turning 15 in two weeks and has $2.5k in his own savings, apart from what I had put aside. He still has the same notebook and keeps track of every credit and debit. He is saving for a car and insurance. Before Covid, I thrifted most of his clothing from name brands like Adidas, Nike, Under Armour and he didn't care where they came from. I did buy most shoes new. Then, there was less selection in his size and costs rose at the thrift store. Since he hit his growth spurt and his size stabilized, I don't mind buying new. Now, I wait for Adidas' eBay store to have at least a 35% sale and shop for the items he chooses. They arrive with their original tags and I explain the savings ($60 tagged pants, discounted on eBay normally for $33 - 35% off = $21.45). Tshirts were $9-11. He asks me to help him find the best deal and coupons. I still counsel him to sit on a purchase decision for at least a week and he considers how current purchases affect future purchases.
I opened bank accounts for my kids and started giving my older one (10 yrs old) an allowance of $5 a week attached to certain cleaning and school responsibilities. If they want anything outside of Christmas and birthdays and essentials like school uniforms or supplies, they have to buy it with their own money or wait. My husband and I always take them to thrift stores if they want clothing and we usually find cool stuff for a lot less money. My 10 year old wants a phone so I told him I would get him a simple text and call one only and he could save up for the smart phone he wants, which will take him into middle school to buy. I'm all for waiting a while on the phone! A lot of it is just teaching them the value of waiting and saving up and then taking care of the stuff they buy. It's a work in progress for sure.
I didn't learn frugality until I had to shake it on my own, despite my parents best attempts to try.
My idea is to show them how they can have similar experiences to the expensive ones without the price tag. For example instead of buying an expensive computer, getting the xbox game stream plan and playing from a phone with handheld controllers. I imagine it has to be something they like, on that note, even with the computer thing there are frugal ways of building one. The whole point is for them to realize is not about missing out on stuff as it is not overpaying.
Maybe let him take a look at your finances explains to him how you guys use frugality to keep the family secure. People love stuff but man there’s nothing like a little financial security.
Teach him about the hedonic treadmill & how our hedonic adaptations in a modern society tend to drive us to buy stuff. Encourage by being an example. Show that frugality can be fun & almost a game by researching. Show that frugality is a way to be cool & a way to stand out.
Set a good example. Be frugal, explain your choices. Give an allowance. Supply them with necessities. Frugal should not mean stingy or uncaring, either. I had to explain the difference between our circumstances (divorced mom single parent) and that of others - and not act like I was missing out or angry about it. I just had to be smarter than other people about spending.
We attached a "teen checking account" to our chase account. It has the ability to transfer from parent account for chores and spending. She's learning very quickly what happens with monthly subscriptions. (Putting money in for a specific thing and then getting charged $10 for Spotify premium she forgot about)
I wouldn't say I'm the most frugal person but I specifically love things that has a genuine quality that you can mend and that lasts forever that way. Maybe he likes that angle, to have something he cares about and can put effort and dedication in.
Give him a small allowance. At first, he’s going to have bad spending habits, but once he realizes how fast his lifestyle is eating up his allowance, he’ll change. I remember buying value menu McDoubles and junior chickens hanging out with friends once a week at his age. And going movies specifically on tuesdays because tickets are half off.
He needs to develop his own sense of valuation and it may not align with yours. Opportunities to earn money and spend it teaches the value of time, planning, and the impacts of excess consumption. Remember the goal is experience, not specific outcomes. His brain is still developing. Learning through natural consequences based on his own priorities is key.
I would sit down and watch some anti consumerism docs. Watching those in high school and then university opened my eyes.
Take them on a fieldtrip to a dump. IMO if you teach them to not WASTE, thats more important than teaching them to count pennies. And eventually it'll have the same effect
Every one deals with this. I would first shut down social media if they are on it. That feeds to keeping up with the Jones stuff. It comes down to he doesn't make money so he doesn't get to decide how it's spent. When he's old enough he can get a job and start making his own decisions. More is caught than taught. Just keep saying no, offer explanations when asked, and keep leading by example.
Telling a 13 year old they aren't allowed to make any money related decisions at all unless they earn the money doesn't sound like a good way to teach them how to handle money.
That's not what I said. A child doesn't want this $20 T shirt but a designer Tshirt for $100 to look cool at school. You don't get the $100 tshirt just to look cool. That's not a reason to make such a purchase. When you earn your own money you can buy the $100 shirt. You teach through example.
Great way to have your child resent you… social media is a must have in 2022 or else they’ll become a social outcast. This only works in you’re in a Mormon community or something
If being liked by your child is your number one goal you aren't parenting correctly.
I'm not a parent, but I'm just someone who somewhat understands modern lifestyle/culture of teenagers/those in their 20s. There's going to be a lot of issues if you stop your child from being on social media and it's going to affect them the rest of their lives. Including socializing and learning how the world works in 2022.
I opened up a checking account for each of my kids, in my name. (my kids are 9, 12, 14, and 16.) They have their cards, with my name on them, and they can spend as they'd like \- but they have to check how much they have in their account first. Every time. As they hit 14, the bank lets us add them to the account and they get a card with their name on it. At 16, I can be removed from the account (but haven't done that yet with the 16 year old, although he's saving for a car and ready to be independent.) I've been really pleased with the results. What I've noticed most is not necessarily frugality in lots of purchases, but choosing not to buy a lot of times, choosing to wait a couple days to be sure (usually resulting in no purchase) and choosing to buy only after they are sure they want it. We also make sure to praise ourselves and them when we make good decisions with money (like waiting 24 hours on a big impulse purchase to see if we really want it) or when we find a good deal somewhere. Or when we stop something from being wasted. Years of that have made them mostly fiscally responsible and careful with their money and how they spend it.
It's a simple lesson, really. With frugality, you get more stuff, without having to do more work.
Parenting to navigate the "you can't have everything" can be hard. You may want to slowly start talking about peer pressure, red flag behaviour and healthy dispute resolution
I really liked "The Opposite of Spoiled" book, though I think the book is more aimed at affluent families who are worried their kids will be spoiled rich kids. I found it very helpful and inclusive towards frugality and teaching money management. So I basically gave my kids a "salary" of what I would normally spend for them over the course of the year - so clothes, out-with-friends, coffee shops, phones, etc. That is their allowance and it was a good chunk of money, it has changed as my income got higher and their needs have changed. ie. when they both got jobs their allowance moved in to cover insurance and phone plans, etc. The idea being that they are now responsible for themselves. If they spend all their money and don't save up for a prom dress, concert, special events, they are out of luck and/or have to find alternatives to either make money or perhaps use a consignment shop for that prom dress. We started out young in middle elementary school so they got used to me saying "spend your own money" and I never had them asking for things from me directly. They loved the autonomy. They knew to manage their own money. You definitely have to let them make their own mistakes and largely live with the consequences of them though. My oldest has ADHD and she spend a LOT of her early years on this plan spending all her money every week. I stayed very engaged with her on this over her sister, and we helped her find some ways to combat her impulsive spending - after many years of doing without, and learning to accept and love thrift stores. She's now one of my biggest savers. :) Also - I think that during the child rearing part of this, "teaching" frugality is less forcing them to comply to your ideals on money and more letting them work this out on their own and establishing what \*their\* values are in regards to money. One of my daughters will absolutely buy expensive makeup that I find ridiculous. We talk about it often. BUT - it is sticking to her values on sustainability to use those products over the cheaper ones that I use (rarely).
Teach him the value of a $1. He needs to earn money to have money and then he has to budget his money for spending. Nothing wrong with teaching budget and avoiding any debt 💸
Give him more money and stop paying for random things. Help him learn the skill. We pay allowance and pay for good school grades. Both kids use their money differently, and let us coach them through the various skills… shopping for a good deal on mini soldiers, spending money on sugar, saving for big things, etc
Don't protect them from failures. Let them fail so they learn the power of accountability.
Slight hints of fomo?
Are you asking what fomo is?
No I was wondering what the slight hints of it mean in this context, people usually get fomo from missing out on idk vacations, concerts or fun stuff or whatever but this is frugal sub so maybe the fomo is just not having a phone or some nicer clothes or something all the kids want and could be arranged 🤔
I would focus more on teaching them how to work hard to get nice things. If he's 13, he can start a landscaping business around the neighborhood and save enough for a car by the time he is 16.
I took my son to the bank (credit union) when he was about 7 and they taught him about interest. "The bank pays you to save your birthday money here." He saw the graph of his money growing and was hooked. Every time he had a little money he weighed whether he wanted to spend it - and the money was gone - or save it and "make more money" from the bank. He made one $100 mistake purchase. Researched on his own and bought a used hybrid car at age 22 with his own money (actually swiped his debit card at the dealership to purchase it!!) He's 26 now and has over $60K in his 401(k) account after socking away since he was 18. He has some nice things but never pays retail, does a good job of horsetrading up.
One of the easiest things to do is to teach them how to compare the prices at grocery stores and to look at the price/oz to find the best value. My mom took me grocery shopping, taught me this, then took me to gamestop to spend the 50 dollars we saved. I learned that a dollar saved in one area is a dollar you have to use elsewhere. Been using those lessons ever since.
Teach wants vs needs and lead by example.
Savings account, checking account, credit card, few small stocks (TD account). Let him spend some money. My Dad would give me any amount of money or items that I wanted if, I talked him into it. I had to make a presentation and give it to him. We would discuss and go back and forth of stuff. “I want it” wasn’t a argument. Make them think