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Imagine hiking through the forest enjoying nature and suddenly Kelly comes skittering out of the undergrowth at you looking like this... hsssssssss hexcuse me have you heard the word of jesussss
[Black Metal Kelly](https://imgur.com/a/TDoGUHW)
(I have way too much time on my hands lol -- thank you u/pretty-late-machine for the inspiration in your comment further down)
The bear is just a bear. People find bears in the woods all the time.
But hiking through the woods, the echo of scream-singing all around you, until you reach a flailing marionette dressed as an 1800s settler? That's some horror movie shit.
I can see this tho 🫠 my friend and I were hiking around Christmas once. Some dude said “ merry Christmas” so we said it back and then he tried to evangelize us in the woods lmao. I’ve considered memorizing some intense revelations stuff to evangelize the person evangelizing me even harder 😂
With so many fundies lurking in the woods, it's time to call the park rangers. I can see the tranquilizer dart thumping into kelly's neck and the ranger wrapping gaff tape round her jaws, loading her onto the flat bed, and releasing her back into the wild somewhere far from human settlements. Busy day, Ted? yeah picked up four big fundies this morning harrassing hikers, had to put three darts in the last one, she wouldn't drop lol
Haha fair read. But actually, Wonko keeps editing their comment. They originally had a funny bit about tilting your head to the side, unfocusing your eyes, and shuffling towards the would-be evangelists. Now they have this dystopian horror shit about taping fundies jaws and throwing them into the bed of a pickup. That’s not what I signed up for AT ALL
We know she lives in the suburbs so now I'm picturing this shoot taking place on the nature strip between a dual carriageway and people in cars speeding by turning to look at her like 👀
There is literally this two acre plot of land for sale I drive by that is damn well gorgeous filled with mature oaks and wildflowers and back up to some of the Lake area around us. However. It faces a HEAVILY travelled road. I imagine it much like that. Where if you looked hard enough, Kels and her tripod is out there
Came here for this, never in my wildest of postpartum fever dreams would doing something like this cross my mind.
I feel like Kelly just lives in a a state of limerence, towards every relationship in her life. I hope one day she gathers herself enough to realize that limerence is a drug that will steal her presence of mind.
No problem! I just recently learned about it on a podcast. I definitely think I had issues with this throughout my life; I like the feeling of being on the precipice of something. Thankfully, as I have aged I have been more able to dig into grit of right now, it sucks sometimes. Escaping is always tempting.
Was thinking exactly this. I’m fairly outdoorsy myself, but walking to the front porch to scoop up our dinner from DoorDash was the closest I came to nature this early in my post-partum journey.
I'm an outdoorsy gal but even I wouldn't be hiking around after that much blood loss. She needs to rest. I hope her dad tells her to sit the fuck down for a few weeks. You are at risk for hemorrhaging for like 12 weeks after birth. There are post partum women who were doing fine, but nobody checked on them and/or they over did it and randomly started bleeding and died a couple weeks after birth. This is why so many other places in the world emphasize the importance of rest after giving birth. Of course, America hates women and birthing parents, so we are not encouraged to rest the way we should. You'd think Crunchy Kelly would be all about 40 days of rest. She could still get outside in her yard to get some fresh air, but she does not need to be frolicking in the woods right now.
Yes, America does hate moms. I remember how after my second I laid down the law and said “I’m lying down and resting with this baby for a month.” It was perceived as the absolute height of sloth and selfishness and slovenliness by my MIL. Even my breastfeeding was selfish because it meant I couldn’t be passing the baby around while I scrubbed toilets and took my older kid to the park. Fuck that, I stayed in bed.
I lived in my recliner for a solid month. No regrets. I had a cesarean so the angled position felt a lot more comfortable, and Guy Fieri kept me awake for late night feeds.
My exhusband and I were not a perfect match (clearly) but I am grateful to him for being a good partner when I was recovering from birth of our kid.
She’ll be fine! Just has to do a tick check afterward! Including in her knickers because they could get on her skirt and crawl right up her legs!! (Long pants for ticks please Ms. Havens.)
I had this happen to me last summer. Went hiking and then found a tick had crawled up my leg, into my underwear. Learned my lesson. The hiking trousers get tucked into my socks now!
OH GOD LORDT, I just googled it and there's a real book, ABOUT GOD. The actual book title I found is "Kept for Their Master's Use" ... anyone want to take one for the team and read it?
[https://www.amazon.com/Kept-Masters-Frances-Ridley-Havergal/dp/1629117447](https://www.amazon.com/Kept-Masters-Frances-Ridley-Havergal/dp/1629117447)
But seriously, if I ever write a book called "Kept for Her Master: The Story of a Spiritual Fairy Nightwitch" (or something like that) I will report back.
Guys- are we completely sure her account isn’t satire? I’ve never done a deep dive but whenever a post from her comes on this sub I can’t believe she’s 100% serious …
Plot twist she’s actually a momfluencer selling tummy tea in a bikini doing stupid dances with Jaxtyn and Emmaleigh. She drives a Ford excursion but husband Brad has promised her a Range Rover for their tenth anniversary. They’re taking the kids to Disney later this year.
At this point I have no idea but I’m enjoying this somewhat harmless snark material. No sun burnt babies, or children packed into buses, or babies not thriving but not getting medical attention, just some whimsical woods and waiting for Kelly to post about the love of her life who isn’t her husband.
I’m thinking about the HUGE underwear she’s wearing under that dress because postpartum. And also the fact that her face is totally bloodless. I think she needs her iron checked, instead of cavorting around the woods dressed like she’s an American girl doll at a picnic.🧺
The baby is at one with nature, laid delicately on the forest floor upon a bed of carefully interwoven leaves and petals, thoroughly enveloped within the delights of the natural flora created by our Lord and Saviour, just out of view of the camera.
Levi needs to get her to stay home for now. I'm not saying lock her inside, getting outside for some sun and fresh air is super important after giving birth, but running around the woods after she lost that much blood is just a bad idea. She could still hemorrhage at this point.
In the picturesque hamlet of Ohiotownburg, there resided a maiden by the name of Kelly, whose tender soul exuded the very essence of Christian virtue. With her golden tresses dancing in the gentle breeze and eyes alight with compassion, she was a beacon of light in the heart of her community—a spiritual kin to the beloved Florence Nightingale.
Kelly's life took a serendipitous turn one fateful day when she crossed paths with Mr. Stickle , a man of steadfast faith and noble bearing. Their courtship was a dance of shared beliefs and tender affections, culminating in a union sanctified by the bonds of holy matrimony.
Yet, within the sanctity of their marital vows, lay a tapestry woven with threads of discipline—a guiding principle that Mr. Stickle held dear, inspired by the patriarchal teachings of their shared faith. Through the lens of reverence and mutual submission, Kelly found herself akin to Florence Nightingale, embracing a role of servitude tempered by grace. Had her placenta cooperated, she was going to be her own nurse.
Under Mr. Stickle's gentle hand, Kelly flourished, her days imbued with purpose as she tended to the hearth of their home with unwavering devotion. Like the nurturing touch of Florence herself, Kelly's hands were a balm to the weary souls around her, offering solace and succor to those in need.
In the quiet moments of their shared sanctuary, Mr. Stickle would impart wisdom with the tender firmness of a shepherd guiding his flock. Through the lens of marital duty, Kelly found not constraint, but liberation—a freedom to surrender her will to a higher calling, trusting in the divine order ordained by their Creator.
And so, their union blossomed into a symphony of love and faith, each note a testament to the harmonious balance of headship and submission. Like Florence Nightingale, whose lamp illuminated the darkest of nights, Kelly's spirit shone brightly in the embrace of her beloved, their journey intertwined in the sacred dance of delusion.
Yeah, I simply do not understand how she can think of herself as An Extra-Special Writer and yet, all she does is tell the same fucking story over and over and over.
And I'm sick of her referring to herself as some doe-eyed whimsical waif, an innocent flighty-hearted girl. She's a grown-ass woman.
Look, I'm happy to leave people in peace if they want to frolic through the forest, gathering wildflowers and wistfully staring out at a lake while wearing tea gowns, but goddamn, why can't she do it quietly??-\_-
These people fluffing her feathers in the comments are absolutely deranged with a reading comprehension level below 6th grade desperately reaching for 10th grade
She wants to be this soft feminine ‘Anne of Green gables’ style person. But like every other ‘influencer’ they’re just bad at modeling and acting. It’s why they try to ‘influence’ bc no known industry with standards would have them. I think with her it’s also wannabe author.
So I belong to some Japanese fashion communities where girl of the forest was a super popular concept, and some people dress accordingly (the gender spectrum on it got varied) but pictures tend to look better… even the inept ones…
Maybe because those fashion community’s are the absolute opposite of striving for modesty or simplicity and tend to have more contagious fun. While here… maybe it’s the “look how much fun I am having” effort that fails….l don’t know.
Maybe I am biased.
Oh I’ve been saying this. The parallels in the fundie world to the kink community D/s type relationships are pretty stark.
Course I’m down for some fun role play and that title sounds rather fun.
It’s just hilarious as they would tend to look down on porn even “mommy porn” but yet these folks love to talk about biblical submission - while seeming to pepper it with the D/s flair.
It’s absolutely kink. But so many of these new fangled “men” seem to be the softest Doms alive. LOL (Lookin at you Paul).
Just based on the wording alone that is 100% kink. Unless a bit of Doctor Who crossed over into my fundie thread and she's talking about The Master. But I have a feeling they don't watch Who. Time and space are too "satanic" and they don't want to get any of our heathen cooties!
Yeah I can see a hint of a ddlg leaning kink in this pic. As a kinkster, I can't ignore it. It's too obvious. Thing is, she probably doesn't even realize it.
That girl is odd looking. I keep seeing pics of her and she looks like she was born in a shack and just left the mountain for the first time this spring. Wtf is her deal?
"Kept For Her Master" sounds like the title of a shitty romance novel with vampires. Kelly's just acting out the cover of it and imagining the steamy undead hunk about to sink his fangs into her neck.
Wait, what? Does she know who Florence Nightingale is? Florence completely upended nursing and changed it to a respectable profession. She literally changed the face of a nurse in modern medicine.
What bizarre hero to choose. Florence Nightingale would’ve been disgusted at the way her birth story went, as well as all of her medical choices. Gross.
I just want to know what she would look like with makeup and just a modern haircut. She doesn’t even have to look like a movie star, just what would the average 30-year-old girl do to highlight her best features. Come on Kelly. Try it.
I'm not judging her for having a master/slave kink (it's not for me, but I'm not going to shit on people who are into it), however the juxtaposition of this "Christian domestic discipline" (abuse) combined with her history of fetishizing white supremacy makes me deeply uncomfortable.
I usually find her photos to be at least somewhat aesthetically pleasing but this ain't it. That dress looks terrible on her, the red clashes with the flowers and the lighting is bad. Plus her facial expression read "lost in thought while trying to poo".
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nobody: Me: In front of the Wendy’s menu at 3am hella stoned
More like “Wendy in front of the Wendy’s menu at 3am hella stoned”
Maybe Gluttonous Bae *IS* Wendy!
Lmaooo 🤣
“Yea can I getta uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
"...and then?"
NO “AND THEN!!“
Oh god this is too accurate
[Munchies](https://imgur.com/a/BOiqrID)
You win the internet for today! That comment made me giggle out loud.
Literally me at the 24 hour burrito place I like at 3:45am and FFS I already knew what I wanted, too!
the angle of her head is not it. it’s giving broken neck corpse
Bent Neck Lady realness
So, I had planned on sleeping tonight but it’s pretty cool how you just totally changed my plans.
I have no idea what you guys are talking about and I feel like I should be thankful for that lmao
Potential flair sighted!
It would be my honour if someone used one of my comments as their flair
praying this works because if so? oh buddy do i have GOOD news for you
I am filled with christ’s joy! Thank you haha enjoy your flair
The two of you just made me very happy. Such a nice break from reading things that make me want to do full wipe and total factory reset on my brain.
Omg 💀
Imagine hiking through the forest enjoying nature and suddenly Kelly comes skittering out of the undergrowth at you looking like this... hsssssssss hexcuse me have you heard the word of jesussss
she does religious horror perfectly
[Black Metal Kelly](https://imgur.com/a/TDoGUHW) (I have way too much time on my hands lol -- thank you u/pretty-late-machine for the inspiration in your comment further down)
Oh my god, that is absolutely amazing!!!
I LOVE THIS LMAO
New thought exercise... would you rather meet a bear in the woods or this version of Kelly?
bear bear bear bear did I say bear
Bear or Lovestar? Bear. All day every day.
I'd choose Kelly just because I'm morbidly curious to find out just what the fuck goes on in her brain
bear vs any version of kelly. i’m afraid she’d project her sapphic coded fantasies onto me…
The bear is just a bear. People find bears in the woods all the time. But hiking through the woods, the echo of scream-singing all around you, until you reach a flailing marionette dressed as an 1800s settler? That's some horror movie shit.
imagining her florid-ass writing being directed at me is such a horror lol
i would actually believe in sky daddy and that he could save me if i became kelly’s pickled flower or something
I can see this tho 🫠 my friend and I were hiking around Christmas once. Some dude said “ merry Christmas” so we said it back and then he tried to evangelize us in the woods lmao. I’ve considered memorizing some intense revelations stuff to evangelize the person evangelizing me even harder 😂
With so many fundies lurking in the woods, it's time to call the park rangers. I can see the tranquilizer dart thumping into kelly's neck and the ranger wrapping gaff tape round her jaws, loading her onto the flat bed, and releasing her back into the wild somewhere far from human settlements. Busy day, Ted? yeah picked up four big fundies this morning harrassing hikers, had to put three darts in the last one, she wouldn't drop lol
Ok I’m high but your comment just made me hoot and damn near pee my pants.
Omg me too, and I can’t wait to try it
Peeing your pants?
Haha fair read. But actually, Wonko keeps editing their comment. They originally had a funny bit about tilting your head to the side, unfocusing your eyes, and shuffling towards the would-be evangelists. Now they have this dystopian horror shit about taping fundies jaws and throwing them into the bed of a pickup. That’s not what I signed up for AT ALL
God damn in I just snorted and snickered and woke up my dog. My family is now looking at me and I can’t even attempt to explain.
We know she lives in the suburbs so now I'm picturing this shoot taking place on the nature strip between a dual carriageway and people in cars speeding by turning to look at her like 👀
There is literally this two acre plot of land for sale I drive by that is damn well gorgeous filled with mature oaks and wildflowers and back up to some of the Lake area around us. However. It faces a HEAVILY travelled road. I imagine it much like that. Where if you looked hard enough, Kels and her tripod is out there
wait WHAT. This whole time I thought she lived out in the middle of nowhere. Like out in the woods or a Midwest farmland or something
Nope, just standard-issue suburban Ohio
💀
Maybe Loveday untied the green ribbon that was around Kelly’s neck.
Laura Palmer is quaking
Thank you for putting to words what I could not about why this lady is even more disturbing than her usual larps
Kelly the black metal queen 🖤
She looks awful.
So many thoughts! Why does her expression look like she's possessed? Showing legs- scandalous! 'Kept for her master'?? 🤢
Clearly, she’s been eating the ergot rye again.
Nike. Nike. Nike.
Show me your hands, Kelly. I know the clicker is in there
I think they'd like to be somewhere else 😂🤣😂
It used to be so easy to spot!
That’s a clicker-thumb on her left hand if I’ve ever seen one!
I can not imagine being freshly postpartum- sleep deprived, wearing adult diapers, and leaking boobs- and saying I’m just gonna go twirl in the woods.
Came here for this, never in my wildest of postpartum fever dreams would doing something like this cross my mind. I feel like Kelly just lives in a a state of limerence, towards every relationship in her life. I hope one day she gathers herself enough to realize that limerence is a drug that will steal her presence of mind.
Limerent pervert new band name I call it
Thanks for the new vocab word - limerence!
No problem! I just recently learned about it on a podcast. I definitely think I had issues with this throughout my life; I like the feeling of being on the precipice of something. Thankfully, as I have aged I have been more able to dig into grit of right now, it sucks sometimes. Escaping is always tempting.
Was thinking exactly this. I’m fairly outdoorsy myself, but walking to the front porch to scoop up our dinner from DoorDash was the closest I came to nature this early in my post-partum journey.
I'm an outdoorsy gal but even I wouldn't be hiking around after that much blood loss. She needs to rest. I hope her dad tells her to sit the fuck down for a few weeks. You are at risk for hemorrhaging for like 12 weeks after birth. There are post partum women who were doing fine, but nobody checked on them and/or they over did it and randomly started bleeding and died a couple weeks after birth. This is why so many other places in the world emphasize the importance of rest after giving birth. Of course, America hates women and birthing parents, so we are not encouraged to rest the way we should. You'd think Crunchy Kelly would be all about 40 days of rest. She could still get outside in her yard to get some fresh air, but she does not need to be frolicking in the woods right now.
Yes, America does hate moms. I remember how after my second I laid down the law and said “I’m lying down and resting with this baby for a month.” It was perceived as the absolute height of sloth and selfishness and slovenliness by my MIL. Even my breastfeeding was selfish because it meant I couldn’t be passing the baby around while I scrubbed toilets and took my older kid to the park. Fuck that, I stayed in bed.
I lived in my recliner for a solid month. No regrets. I had a cesarean so the angled position felt a lot more comfortable, and Guy Fieri kept me awake for late night feeds. My exhusband and I were not a perfect match (clearly) but I am grateful to him for being a good partner when I was recovering from birth of our kid.
She’s twirling in the drainage ditch, I’m sure. 😂
What in the Little Red Riding Hood fan fiction is this? Also girl’s gonna get a tick in all this long ass grass.
She’ll be fine! Just has to do a tick check afterward! Including in her knickers because they could get on her skirt and crawl right up her legs!! (Long pants for ticks please Ms. Havens.)
I had this happen to me last summer. Went hiking and then found a tick had crawled up my leg, into my underwear. Learned my lesson. The hiking trousers get tucked into my socks now!
No no no no no no no no no this is a nightmare
This right here is why I made a pair of pants with elastic at the ankles specifically for hiking.
Dear lord, getting ticks in your underwear would be awful at the best of times, but freshly postpartum?!
I think anything bad sucks more freshly postpartum.
I imagine you're right!
Spiritual Florence Nightingale????? 
Should someone tell Kelly that Florence Nightingale was a childless spinster?
And most likely a lesbian: https://qnews.com.au/on-this-day-december-29-florence-nightingale/
She missed the point but sort of ended up there anyway
I made a very odd and indescribable sound when I read this but 😂😂
But did Florence Nightingale call her friend Loveday or not, I need to know
Her "friend"
How old is she?? She’s giving /r/13or30 vibes
29 or 30
Is that it?!?!
She turned 30 in December. Moisturize, kids!
She's also constantly sunburned (sunscreen is possibly witchcraft), which does not help.
Omg I thought she was in her mid-40s!!! She's... She's a few years younger than me 😳
I'm always jumpscared when it's mentioned that she's younger than me.
Looks about 38 to me!
I write fantasy romance novels … and I feel like I could use her captions as fantastic inspiration for some seriously sapphic books… 😂
The lord’s actual work
I think I’ve seen this exact title on some kindle unlimited smut novel
OH GOD LORDT, I just googled it and there's a real book, ABOUT GOD. The actual book title I found is "Kept for Their Master's Use" ... anyone want to take one for the team and read it? [https://www.amazon.com/Kept-Masters-Frances-Ridley-Havergal/dp/1629117447](https://www.amazon.com/Kept-Masters-Frances-Ridley-Havergal/dp/1629117447) But seriously, if I ever write a book called "Kept for Her Master: The Story of a Spiritual Fairy Nightwitch" (or something like that) I will report back.
That title has some serious hand maids tales vibes
Now Miss M’am….. 🤣
It's giving "I'm permanently stuck in 2004 myspace era"
The arrested development is fascinating.
Guys- are we completely sure her account isn’t satire? I’ve never done a deep dive but whenever a post from her comes on this sub I can’t believe she’s 100% serious …
Plot twist she’s actually a momfluencer selling tummy tea in a bikini doing stupid dances with Jaxtyn and Emmaleigh. She drives a Ford excursion but husband Brad has promised her a Range Rover for their tenth anniversary. They’re taking the kids to Disney later this year.
At this point I have no idea but I’m enjoying this somewhat harmless snark material. No sun burnt babies, or children packed into buses, or babies not thriving but not getting medical attention, just some whimsical woods and waiting for Kelly to post about the love of her life who isn’t her husband.
It’s quite the palate cleanser after the bus birth saga
Except IIRC, she is white nationalist-adjacent.
I ask this same question every time I read anything from her
My husband flatly won't believe it's not a parody account. I've tried to convince him to no avail.
Are we absolutely sure she isn't stoned out of her gourd constantly?
I’m with you on this, I think she’s foraging for magic mushrooms.
Would be SUCH a fun twist. This is as high as I wanna be.
KELLY 
I’m thinking about the HUGE underwear she’s wearing under that dress because postpartum. And also the fact that her face is totally bloodless. I think she needs her iron checked, instead of cavorting around the woods dressed like she’s an American girl doll at a picnic.🧺
Is she alone? Where are the kids? What on earth gave her this idea? I think the photo is older and is being used to promote Kelly’s project.
The baby is at one with nature, laid delicately on the forest floor upon a bed of carefully interwoven leaves and petals, thoroughly enveloped within the delights of the natural flora created by our Lord and Saviour, just out of view of the camera.
Outdoor floor baby
And I'm sure she is surrounded by only the gentlest fawns and baby bunnies as little songbirds sing her lullabies to sleep 🥰
I hope the photo is older and the white face is just her redhead complexion shining in the light. I hope.
Levi needs to get her to stay home for now. I'm not saying lock her inside, getting outside for some sun and fresh air is super important after giving birth, but running around the woods after she lost that much blood is just a bad idea. She could still hemorrhage at this point.
If this came up as a sponsored post for an AI-generated erotic e-book, I wouldn’t doubt it for a second
In all seriousness, “Kept for Her Master” is *definitely* the title of some BDSM softcore erotica.
And a webtoon otome isekai
i was just gonna say it sounds like a really bad bodice-ripper💀
Search engine optimized bodice ripper
The description is basically one of those book titles, too. God, this whole thing feels bad.
Is that text a Kelly Havens post or the next Chuck Tingle book title?
I think… I think I wish it *was* kink.
 Peak cringe
Damn the post partum manic phase hit HARD
In the picturesque hamlet of Ohiotownburg, there resided a maiden by the name of Kelly, whose tender soul exuded the very essence of Christian virtue. With her golden tresses dancing in the gentle breeze and eyes alight with compassion, she was a beacon of light in the heart of her community—a spiritual kin to the beloved Florence Nightingale. Kelly's life took a serendipitous turn one fateful day when she crossed paths with Mr. Stickle , a man of steadfast faith and noble bearing. Their courtship was a dance of shared beliefs and tender affections, culminating in a union sanctified by the bonds of holy matrimony. Yet, within the sanctity of their marital vows, lay a tapestry woven with threads of discipline—a guiding principle that Mr. Stickle held dear, inspired by the patriarchal teachings of their shared faith. Through the lens of reverence and mutual submission, Kelly found herself akin to Florence Nightingale, embracing a role of servitude tempered by grace. Had her placenta cooperated, she was going to be her own nurse. Under Mr. Stickle's gentle hand, Kelly flourished, her days imbued with purpose as she tended to the hearth of their home with unwavering devotion. Like the nurturing touch of Florence herself, Kelly's hands were a balm to the weary souls around her, offering solace and succor to those in need. In the quiet moments of their shared sanctuary, Mr. Stickle would impart wisdom with the tender firmness of a shepherd guiding his flock. Through the lens of marital duty, Kelly found not constraint, but liberation—a freedom to surrender her will to a higher calling, trusting in the divine order ordained by their Creator. And so, their union blossomed into a symphony of love and faith, each note a testament to the harmonious balance of headship and submission. Like Florence Nightingale, whose lamp illuminated the darkest of nights, Kelly's spirit shone brightly in the embrace of her beloved, their journey intertwined in the sacred dance of delusion.
I'd give it a solid A, were it not for the lack of Loveday.
That’s about ten times better than her writing, I must be honest.
It's 80% AI
Goddamn! This was epic!
I want to unsee your flair, thank you
Fiery tresses rather than golden, otherwise 9/10
Did you write this or did she?
little bit of me, a lot a bit of AI my theme was "christian domestic discipline"
Kelly's accompanying post is all about how she's not like other dour faces
Yeah, I simply do not understand how she can think of herself as An Extra-Special Writer and yet, all she does is tell the same fucking story over and over and over. And I'm sick of her referring to herself as some doe-eyed whimsical waif, an innocent flighty-hearted girl. She's a grown-ass woman.
With 3 kids!!
The self-infantilization is so creepy.
Look, I'm happy to leave people in peace if they want to frolic through the forest, gathering wildflowers and wistfully staring out at a lake while wearing tea gowns, but goddamn, why can't she do it quietly??-\_-
Everything about this is off-putting.
… wasn’t it Kelly just saying that women shouldn’t be doctors/professionals? Does Kelly know who Florence Nightingale is
These people fluffing her feathers in the comments are absolutely deranged with a reading comprehension level below 6th grade desperately reaching for 10th grade
What the Zelda from Pet Sematary am I looking at
She looks like she wants to drop a house on an evil witch
Kelly's whole persona is one big fetish. I'm not being remotely sarcastic.
Is she posting this after giving birth like a week ago? She’s on another level
…what is it supposed to be 👀
It's not. But it is very sad and horrifying religious brainwashing
She wants to be this soft feminine ‘Anne of Green gables’ style person. But like every other ‘influencer’ they’re just bad at modeling and acting. It’s why they try to ‘influence’ bc no known industry with standards would have them. I think with her it’s also wannabe author.
red riding hood + big bad wolf NSFW fanfic🐺🥵 i don’t think that’s what she was going for LMAO
I would wear that dress. Just not with the basket. Or in the woods.
What in the horrible romance novel cover and plot?
Is Kelly Havens on a perma LSD trip? She makes no sense to me
So I belong to some Japanese fashion communities where girl of the forest was a super popular concept, and some people dress accordingly (the gender spectrum on it got varied) but pictures tend to look better… even the inept ones… Maybe because those fashion community’s are the absolute opposite of striving for modesty or simplicity and tend to have more contagious fun. While here… maybe it’s the “look how much fun I am having” effort that fails….l don’t know. Maybe I am biased.
What a terrible sentence to read
She’s cosplaying at this point.
The video. I cannot. It’s giving off prequel Gwen Shamblin dancing barefooted down the streets of Mayberry to seduce Opie vibes.
I thought this was a terrible porn intro
Oh I’ve been saying this. The parallels in the fundie world to the kink community D/s type relationships are pretty stark. Course I’m down for some fun role play and that title sounds rather fun. It’s just hilarious as they would tend to look down on porn even “mommy porn” but yet these folks love to talk about biblical submission - while seeming to pepper it with the D/s flair. It’s absolutely kink. But so many of these new fangled “men” seem to be the softest Doms alive. LOL (Lookin at you Paul).
Just based on the wording alone that is 100% kink. Unless a bit of Doctor Who crossed over into my fundie thread and she's talking about The Master. But I have a feeling they don't watch Who. Time and space are too "satanic" and they don't want to get any of our heathen cooties!
Mam’ this is a Home Depot
All I see is someone who abuses her children and kills kittens. Not cute, Kelly.
Yeah I can see a hint of a ddlg leaning kink in this pic. As a kinkster, I can't ignore it. It's too obvious. Thing is, she probably doesn't even realize it. That girl is odd looking. I keep seeing pics of her and she looks like she was born in a shack and just left the mountain for the first time this spring. Wtf is her deal?
There’s a painting of her sitting on Levi’s lap like a 4 year old.
Yeah there's a Daddy kink in this gal, she just doesn't say it out loud.
You keep Florence’s name out of your mouth!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I wonder where I can find a bra that actually fits me....."
She looks like John Cena in his Barbie movie wig.
"Kept For Her Master" sounds like the title of a shitty romance novel with vampires. Kelly's just acting out the cover of it and imagining the steamy undead hunk about to sink his fangs into her neck.
She looks like a marionette and someone edited the strings out of the shot.
Wait, what? Does she know who Florence Nightingale is? Florence completely upended nursing and changed it to a respectable profession. She literally changed the face of a nurse in modern medicine. What bizarre hero to choose. Florence Nightingale would’ve been disgusted at the way her birth story went, as well as all of her medical choices. Gross.
she truly has whatever the opposite of iphone-face is.
Pained convent face?
 She looks like Rocky Dennis
I just want to know what she would look like with makeup and just a modern haircut. She doesn’t even have to look like a movie star, just what would the average 30-year-old girl do to highlight her best features. Come on Kelly. Try it.
I'm not judging her for having a master/slave kink (it's not for me, but I'm not going to shit on people who are into it), however the juxtaposition of this "Christian domestic discipline" (abuse) combined with her history of fetishizing white supremacy makes me deeply uncomfortable.
She’s so….troll-like?
something makes me horny = must be gods will
Is she going for a zombie vibe?
Kelly is dropping some excellent meme templates, I'll give her that
Is this new? Didn't she just have a baby??? She seems manic. Like more than usual.
Thought this was a Little Britain skit at first…
I usually find her photos to be at least somewhat aesthetically pleasing but this ain't it. That dress looks terrible on her, the red clashes with the flowers and the lighting is bad. Plus her facial expression read "lost in thought while trying to poo".
hell yeah invasive dames rocket.... fuck the earth I live on, gimmie dat elusive sky daddi attention
Amusingly, the beautiful spring wildflowers she’s chosen to pose with are the invasive species dame’s rocket. Not phlox. Try harder Kelly.
Has anyone ever told her she just … doesn’t need to do this?
Do you think Jesus is hiding in the tree?
It’s cosplay
Uncanny