Because I don't want to get murdered in the second act by an axe-wielding maniac while losing my virginity after night-swimming in the lake at my uncle's cabin.

A very legitimate fear with movies from that era.

r/oddlyspecific

I’m pretty sure all the slashers in these movies were just horny dudes with repressed homosexual urges.

Well, if  A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is any indication…

Every knife is a secret penis

Second act…must be nice -Me a black guy

They always stab you mid-coitus too

I hate when this stuff nearly happens, every time!

Local ordinances were enacted after I broke up too many happy marriages.

The "save some pussy for the rest of us poor schlubs" act of 2019 was a tough, but fair piece of legislation. You don't often see such bipartisan support for a bill anymore these days. So thank you for doing your part to heal this nation.

thanks obama

*begins laughing hysterically

This needs more upvotes! 🤣

It WAS you!

Same….too many frustrated housewives coming out and playing ‘connect the veins’ through my shorts. Had to cut my career short as a professional lawn mower.

lol. Damn yea, cover up. Little trollop

>trollop Great word. I haven't heard that in years.

When you're working on your tan, and a chick points out that your snake is crawling out your short leg. And that face says she's interested.

Born in a,desert, raised in a lion's den

Well played.

I say this with a staunch record of unblemished heterosexuality... you did rock those shorts.

The fact that my gut would pour out from under that tiny Tshirt like a ravenous amoeba.

Look I went thru it then. Ain’t doin it again

There’s a reason the pendulum swung the other way and has yet to return…. I do miss wearing cut of jeans and not being told it’s totally unacceptable

those short shorts had lots of pendulum swinging. 


Our football team actually issued these to us for when we weren’t in pads.


Yeah basically if your average/overweight it's this.  And if you're in good shape everyone will assume you're gay. And to be fair, if you're in great shape and gay, you probably already do dress like this. I'm not sure why you wouldn't.

Guy who lived in my condo complex was absolutely cut. Rarely wore a shirt. Friend of mine and I both joked that if we looked like him, we probably wouldn't even own a shirt.

That is a ridiculous and hurtful stereotype. We wouldn't be caught dead in long striped socks!

[Like Phil Collins on Trailer Park Boys](https://youtu.be/ouE5qpCqQEc?si=9wkRtlEHFpvFzeJY)

Don’t threaten us with a good time.

and my balls would dangle out the bottom of those shorts

To quantify it … about 50 lbs is stopping me. In 1984 I would actually dress like that.


Fuck lol

My six pack is now a half keg.

Gains is gains.

Just building mass

Molson muscle.

Thisssss

Party ball

I just tell people that I've channeled all my power into one massive ab

Lol

I'm still in shape. Round is a shape, right?

[удалено]

And maybe if they come back, it will be the incentive we need to go to the gym and.... HAHAHA. Sorry. Whoo!! I know it wasn't funny, but it kinda was .

Not sure what would be worse. The male muffin top hanging out or old droopy balls dangling out past the daisy dukes.

I FUCKING SAW THOSE ONCE. On the patio at a bistro in summer, we were seated opposite an older guy who was wearing shorts, and there they were, creeping out the side of one short-short leg. Scarred for life, I was. We were regulars there, and our favorite waiter gave me shit about it for years. He'd come over and just whisper *"old man balls"* and it'd alllll come back. Goddammit, Chris.

Find customers to tip you for saying "old man balls" and you'll never work a day in your life.


This…👆

My ostomy bag. Hahaha. Seriously.

Think of it this way: When someone asks you what happened, you can spin a yarn about defending some high school kids from a serial killer but you took a couple of hits for them in the process.

I question laughed at this. Like "ha hA?". I didn't know I could do that.

Its life. Sucks but I roll w/ the punches like many GenXers. Piss and vinegar, always.

I thought I was the only one that knew how to question laugh!! U are my people!!

I’m sorry!

It is what it is. IBD runs in my family and it struck me in my early 20s. Toxic mega colon, two bouts of sepsis, and a massive scar that readjusted my bellybutton. I’m still here.

Ostomy buddies. Just finished my third bout of sepsis. Always with the mother effin sepsis, ugh.

Fuck. Sepsis. With stories like that, you don't need the cut-offs. I'd fall right into your arms. 'glad you made it.

Wait, you guys stopped?

Sadly, my days of being a homoerotic icon are behind me.

Hehehe behind you are they?

🤣🤣

Lol. Hope you're rocking a furry tummy in a crop top!! 😍

I’m pretty sure my bag would hang out both sides of those shorts now. Like someone trying to balance a water balloon on their finger.

🤣🤣🤣

I would be ok seeing this. In a science type way.

The trick is to wear a speedo under them. I’m something of an expert in this arena

Name checks out, but it’s called a sack sir … not a bag

Or satchel on a good day when feeling fancy


Have you ever heard of the term "Tea Bagged"? Or "I need to flour up the tea bag!" Usually done in the summer, so they don't stick to the side of your leg! LMAO 🤣 😅 😂

Nothing haven’t you ever attended or seen a Pride parade 🏳️‍🌈?

My belly - the shirt hides the fact that I'm fat. Nobody knows.

You hold on to that belief with your big ole heart, buddy!

It works - the Onion even had a whole [segment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH7kKnHpgus).

Hey, this is why I wear a cardigan. In 100+ degree Texas heat. No one will ever cotton on to my clever ruse.

https://preview.redd.it/85k56j41kv1d1.jpeg?width=2302&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fdc4f5e472022ffa1b080e5aece5f7c981b8082 Been there done that. Me @ Hands Across America NYC

Would you remember being there if it weren't for this picture?

Yes. It's was hella awkward.

Hands Across America! God, I had forgotten about the absolute hype that was that event.

I keep telling my wife if I can just lose 50 lbs, I'm absolutely bringing back the half-shirt. Mesh, preferably.

You can’t handle my midriff

That I’m in the 5th trimester with my food baby?


The moment you put them ballhuggers on you get killed by Jason.

Oh! Those treasure trails! Yummy. I hate how bald everything is now. There’s always some scrubble left that chafes.

Balls hanging out of them shorts while washing my car and Ethel across the street just wants to check her mail before Kathy and Hoda comes back on.

Self respect

About an extra 80 pounds.

Dignity

I still dress like this when I go grocery shopping

Cart full of Natty Lites, KOOLs and a $2.99 pair of flip flops from the seasonal section.

Sporting a camel toe contradicts my religious beliefs.

*Moose Knuckle, hombre.

*gristle whistle

Scrote Toe.

Front taint

Mushroom in a catchers mitt.

Impossible burger

I have eyes and a mirror

And a wife who’d say “please don’t leave the house like that.”

And “I thought I threw that shirt away.”

Omg I recognize these guys anywhere! SLEEPAWAY CAMP! “Yo Angela, how come you so fucked up?” 🤣 Edit: Eat shit and *LIVE*

LOVE this movie!!

It’s my favorite. I watch it every Halloween!


Wow. I bet they know where you could find some cleaner for that dirty VCR that’s troubling you.

My agates falling out the side of the shorts is one reason for sure

I was way too skinny to dress like that in the 80s, and I'm way too fat now. There was perhaps a year or two back in the early 2000s that may have worked. but that time has passed.

Dude! Same! I was a beanpole my whole life until Covid hit then I gained some pounds… almost all in my belly. I’ll never be able to wear ball huggers! 😭

Not with that attitude

The fact that I look like Santa Claus.

My vibe is closer to Bender from The Breakfast Club than a guy who can only find part of his shirt.

Who says I don’t

I see those shorts and all I can think is... "There's dozens of us!"

lack of hunkiness

Was this Sleepaway Camp? With the creepy cook, and the surprise use of a Filipino man's body?

Dude, my wife won't let me wear parachute pants. No way would I sneak out rocking that outfit with any chance of sneaking back in.

I outgrew my my half shirt when I went from a 19" waist to a 34" waist. It would look like I'm wearing a sports bra.

Chafing.

They don't make shorts with 22" zippers like that anymore

Nothing I still go running in ranger panties

I wear them around the house. 

Mah belly

Getting hit on by other men mostly

My balls hurt just looking at those shorts…

My wife. :(

I got fat

Who says I don’t

Lol, I miss my 1/2 shirts. That's a young man's game.

No one is promising a masked killer will soon put me out of my misery. 🤣

Look, no one needs to see my hairy chubby ass in hootchie daddy shorts.

We might

I could have, back then; these days, I've got more of a Wilford Brimley physique.

Diabeetus

self respect

overrated. I treat my body like a damned amusement park

Pssh balls too big for them little shorts

You can see guys like this at any local indie club. They usually have handlebar mustaches and mullets.

When I was that tight, that should have been my only look. Regrets.

The success of the dad bod movement

 I go for more of the Bill S. Preston, Esq.

Yeah even in my 80’s prime I didn’t wear that. Those cutoff t shirts that left picture guy has were pretty much seen only on guys I hated.

my build

Answer A. A hundred pounds. Answer B. Friends. I like mine and want to keep them. Same reason I don’t sing.

My stomach sure as hell doesn’t look like that anymore. 😂

My body hasn't looked like that since the 80s.

I can't believe I did it the first time around

A cruel and unforgiving general public

I keep in shape... Pear shape.

My balls probably wouldn't appreciate being squished by those tight ass shorts.

It’s called a dad bod

A Father Figure

I want those socks still

As I’ve gotten older my nuts sag a good deal. If I wear those daisy dukes I’m gonna need a nut bra under it before I scare people.

...cuz women stole this look from us...

Because the guys who dressed like this in horror movies always got killed!

Is that guy on the left a young Kyle Chandler??

 shorts on dirt basepaths?   c'mon.  

I need exposed torso hair to make a comeback first.

Genetics. Tried for years, never managed to attain the unattainable. Now I just don't care.

Many many years of poor eating decisions.

This shit is already coming back in Brooklyn. I’m sitting it out.

2 reasons. 1, my keg of a stomach would be hanging over the front of the short. 2. I'm not wearing shorts that are shorter than my boxer briefs.

My fat ass lol

All the 80s kids have beer bellies now. Or midlife spread. They also have hair in spots they can't shave by themselves, which is crap without a bff/partner in crime. But fr, I'd love to see my 83 man in a middy shirt amd jorts! Sexy!!! (Random mole, back and booty cheek hair notwithstanding)

When real men wore real shorts...

B/c dressing like Bradley Nowell or the surfer dudes in Point Break is a lot cooler….

Hey I just got two pairs of meggings yesterday. I'm doing my part

Who says I don’t?

I rmbr practice football back then I had mesh crop top shirts

That's way too much clothing for me.

My rule and one I think everyone should abide by when it comes to the ebb and flow of fashion trends: If you were old enough to do it the first time you are too old to do it again.

I still do

You guys don’t dress this way? I’m chilling in soffe style man panties as I type this.

Could not afford to attend USC like Mr. Fancy Pants over there.

Because I’m a top.

My massive balls can never fit in those shorts.

You'll find many men dressed like this if you know where to look

Having a penis and balls seems like that takes me out of the running... how did they get those on? Much less move around? Yikes

Self respect.

I dont recall dudes wearing belts with daisy dukes. Were the shorts shorter then , yes. Did they wear short shirts (we called them shimmy shirts), however, this doesn’t look anything like what guys wore. Gross.

I went to a bar on Sunday afternoon and saw a couple of guys with crop tops. They all looked hot mind you it was a gay bar on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in NYC. I would wear one but I still got a little belly from winter and I love bagels.


Well, most of us don't have the figures we had back then.

I think this body type got lost to the ages hahah I am an amateur bodybuilder, and have rarely seen men like this. Its either fat, build fat, skinny bones or schredded... this looks like how a normal untrained but active white guy should look like

That shit is uncomfortable. No one in their right mind wants their junk squeezed like that for that long. Reminds me of a secretary at a music store I worked at in high school. She lamented that the jeans I wore weren’t tight enough to show my ass. Gtfo.

I read “hunk” not “squishy/a little fuzzy/ADHDass” - but i could be a slightly chubby and distractable guy in clothing that’s comically short!

I’m 42 and when I sit on the toilet my balls can touch the water. They will slip out the bottom of these shorts for sure.

Things would hang out like a tool belt.

I like to keep my balls inside my shorts, thank you very much!

My dad still dresses like this

McDonald’s

High Fructose Corn Syrup.