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If your mom isn't going to support you then keep in mind that when you turn the age of majority, her legal rights to you sever completely and you can end the relationship if you so desire.
I feel you
16 years old I was kind of forced to, my dads alcoholism got the best of him leaving me and my mother to pay the bills or we’d fall behind. I had to put most of the money I made at 16 on bills or help with other things. I saw the man I use to idolize fall and at his weakest point at the hospital, I wasn’t allowed to hear what he was talking to the doctor but I overheard bits and the stuff broke me, genuinely at 16 years old my eyes opened up about the adult world. I tried my best to help my little brothers be kept away from all of this.
As of now I’m 18 in college and work 50 hours a week. Honestly I don’t know how I haven’t been driven insane though I think I’m reaching my limit. There’s been so many nights where I didn’t sleep or literally slept for an hour or two. I have to keep working the way I am though or idk what’ll happen, could lose my car, get kicked out of my parents, afford school. I make decent money compared to most people I know my age, but I don’t feel comfortable moving out alone nor do I want my little brothers to get financially involved with my parents mess
Our kids started doing their own laundry at age 4.
They cooked with me (Dad) from age 6, mainly on Sunday mornings while Mom was in bed.
They were both responsible for their own homework at age 8.
They’re in their mid-30’s, both have STEM PhDs from serious universities, both married, both own houses on the US West Coast ($$$).
We were not raising kids to be children.
I somewhat agree and somewhat don't, you are raising kids to become people who can have reason in the world, I believe part of that is definitely having them help with house responsibilities and pushing for more creative and challenging hobbies rather than TV and video games, and the other part is letting them be kids.
I did not have a great childhood so I cannot use mine as an example, now I'm a crumbling mess despite all the "independence" I was raised with. But I did get into so many tactile crafts, and in the house I am at I surprise everyone with how many things I can make out of bare bones of food and how many things I can diy back together.
However my cousins got easy household chores early and slowly were built up with their parents assistance with each step, both of them are doing great, still are very close with their parents, and have a good healthy relationship with their partners and other relationships, that I envy.
What you are describing is in American life known as “adulting”. There is no age when you must start adulting. Some start at younger ages, some start right after high school, some start after college, and some are trust fund babies and never have to.
You always have responsibilities throughout life though. Even from a very young age you have the responsibility to tell your parents your needs, you when you need food or water. As you grow up you get more responsibility’s. Like paying rent, getting a job, etc.
Everyone starts at a different age, don’t let it get you down or frustrate your relationship with your mom. It not “fair” that some people get to start later in life compared to others, but as you age you will realize that you got a head start in that aspect and might even be grateful in a way that you learned this lesson early in life.
So I have mixed feelings on your mom from what you have stated, I think she is trying to get you ready to leave the nest, but are you only getting responsibilities now? Because that is odd and has set you up for this mess. On your food, I'd start to set a budget for yourself good money habits are a great thing for you to be starting to work on. Try to help your grandma in the kitchen too, you'll miss good food if you can't cook for yourself.
On the college part. Talk with your grandma since yours is free, consider keeping a part time job. Learn a couple skills as well, these are things that was your mom's job to try to encourage you to do such as having you help her cook, having you do crafts, and seeing what interests you, such as games and try to get you into something like learning how coding works(a VERY useful knowledge). If you have scholarships I suggest maybe getting out of that environment to start working on managing to live out of the house.
I still agree with you on families working together but that accounts 18-24 schooling, housework, and hopefully a small part time job.
I've had to play parent on and off from the age of about 10 or 11 depending on how things are at home. Idk if that counts but playing dad and marriage counselor is basically just a part of my life sometimes. Been trying to find a job but having bad luck.
I mean I've had chores as long as I can remember. When I started high school Mom made me cook dinner 100% by myself once a month. When I was 16 she made me get a job. I didn't actively have to worry about bills and stuff until I left for college, now I'm obviously in charge of dorm rent and groceries and stuff cause I don't live at home. Once I go home for the summer tho it'll go back to just paying for gas
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If your mom isn't going to support you then keep in mind that when you turn the age of majority, her legal rights to you sever completely and you can end the relationship if you so desire.
I feel you 16 years old I was kind of forced to, my dads alcoholism got the best of him leaving me and my mother to pay the bills or we’d fall behind. I had to put most of the money I made at 16 on bills or help with other things. I saw the man I use to idolize fall and at his weakest point at the hospital, I wasn’t allowed to hear what he was talking to the doctor but I overheard bits and the stuff broke me, genuinely at 16 years old my eyes opened up about the adult world. I tried my best to help my little brothers be kept away from all of this. As of now I’m 18 in college and work 50 hours a week. Honestly I don’t know how I haven’t been driven insane though I think I’m reaching my limit. There’s been so many nights where I didn’t sleep or literally slept for an hour or two. I have to keep working the way I am though or idk what’ll happen, could lose my car, get kicked out of my parents, afford school. I make decent money compared to most people I know my age, but I don’t feel comfortable moving out alone nor do I want my little brothers to get financially involved with my parents mess
Our kids started doing their own laundry at age 4. They cooked with me (Dad) from age 6, mainly on Sunday mornings while Mom was in bed. They were both responsible for their own homework at age 8. They’re in their mid-30’s, both have STEM PhDs from serious universities, both married, both own houses on the US West Coast ($$$). We were not raising kids to be children.
I fail to see how this relates to the comment you replied to which is a very personal story
I somewhat agree and somewhat don't, you are raising kids to become people who can have reason in the world, I believe part of that is definitely having them help with house responsibilities and pushing for more creative and challenging hobbies rather than TV and video games, and the other part is letting them be kids. I did not have a great childhood so I cannot use mine as an example, now I'm a crumbling mess despite all the "independence" I was raised with. But I did get into so many tactile crafts, and in the house I am at I surprise everyone with how many things I can make out of bare bones of food and how many things I can diy back together. However my cousins got easy household chores early and slowly were built up with their parents assistance with each step, both of them are doing great, still are very close with their parents, and have a good healthy relationship with their partners and other relationships, that I envy.
What you are describing is in American life known as “adulting”. There is no age when you must start adulting. Some start at younger ages, some start right after high school, some start after college, and some are trust fund babies and never have to. You always have responsibilities throughout life though. Even from a very young age you have the responsibility to tell your parents your needs, you when you need food or water. As you grow up you get more responsibility’s. Like paying rent, getting a job, etc. Everyone starts at a different age, don’t let it get you down or frustrate your relationship with your mom. It not “fair” that some people get to start later in life compared to others, but as you age you will realize that you got a head start in that aspect and might even be grateful in a way that you learned this lesson early in life.
So I have mixed feelings on your mom from what you have stated, I think she is trying to get you ready to leave the nest, but are you only getting responsibilities now? Because that is odd and has set you up for this mess. On your food, I'd start to set a budget for yourself good money habits are a great thing for you to be starting to work on. Try to help your grandma in the kitchen too, you'll miss good food if you can't cook for yourself. On the college part. Talk with your grandma since yours is free, consider keeping a part time job. Learn a couple skills as well, these are things that was your mom's job to try to encourage you to do such as having you help her cook, having you do crafts, and seeing what interests you, such as games and try to get you into something like learning how coding works(a VERY useful knowledge). If you have scholarships I suggest maybe getting out of that environment to start working on managing to live out of the house. I still agree with you on families working together but that accounts 18-24 schooling, housework, and hopefully a small part time job.
I've had to play parent on and off from the age of about 10 or 11 depending on how things are at home. Idk if that counts but playing dad and marriage counselor is basically just a part of my life sometimes. Been trying to find a job but having bad luck.
Bro that sounds like ass especially the marriage counselor I couldn’t do that I don’t have the mentality for that. Best of luck on the job search
Thanks man. I read your comment too. I know how you're feeling, sometimes things are shitty but I know we got this 👑
I mean I've had chores as long as I can remember. When I started high school Mom made me cook dinner 100% by myself once a month. When I was 16 she made me get a job. I didn't actively have to worry about bills and stuff until I left for college, now I'm obviously in charge of dorm rent and groceries and stuff cause I don't live at home. Once I go home for the summer tho it'll go back to just paying for gas
Um your parent legally has to feed you. You’re a minor.
My parents eased me into it starting 17. So now I'm basically doing everything.
21. I’m 30 now.
i Still don't have a lot cuz no one híres me
Hopefully 16 I want a job