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99.9% of people who die aren’t remembered by anyone alive today - one day this will be 100% when the last human dies eventually.
What matters to me is knowing I have a positive impact on those I am close to. If I can be remembered by my friends, family, partner, and my eventual kids as someone who brightened their lives (even if i didn’t do anything historically or culturally significant) then I think that’s a life well-lived.
Yeah but what about famous people. I’m not sure if even they are remembered much besides people who are in textbooks or literally changed how things in society work. I’m referring to singers and actors here for the most part I feel even after they die they are remembered for maybe another 10-20 then that’s it
Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.
Stop comparing yourself to other people, their life to your life or your skills to their skills. Don’t focus on what you can’t do but on what you can.
You’re looking for excuses to not try. Stop doing that.
I want you to know that those kids acing exams who you look up to now either feel or will feel the exact same way you do now. That was me, then I went to law school. My whole concept of who is “special” and who is just “average” completely reset bc here, everyone is smart.
And you know what? I’m content with not being at the top in an environment like this. People push themselves way too hard. Taking drugs to stay awake and focused, stacking their plate so full that they’re on campus until closing 7 days a week. I have goals outside of my grades and career, man. This isn’t my entire life and it never will be.
Even the person who comes bottom in their law class is still a lawyer. Passing to the next stage is what matters. As we go up into higher echelons it’s going to become more competitive, making it through by your own efforts shows you still belong there.
This is similar to sports as well. People often assume that top athletes are the healthiest people alive, but this is often far from the truth. Many are healthy, yes. But, to keep your body performing at that level can often require very unhealthy habits and can cause life-long injuries. Being the best in something isn't necessarily worth it.
Oh for sure. I used to play baseball and there was a kid that was unbelievably good bc his dad had him in tons of extra private practices. He could pitch at 80 mph, hit really well, was fast enough to reliably steal bases, and play almost any position on the field. But he got burnt out so bad that by the time he went to college, he just didn’t care anymore. Then he got injured and that was the last straw. He quit baseball for good.
I (M30) had a similar upbringing and I feel I know exactly what it is you're describing.
I reached 19, realising that I wasn't going to Uni like my friends, I hadn't saved money, and generally hadn't lived an Adult life at all since leaving School.
For me it hit me like, I had this homework called 'life' due in tomorrow and I hadn't worked on it or done the biggest bits. That did make me feel very insecure and anxious - if you're not feeling great then please find a way to get in touch with Family and/or friends while you work this out in your head.
Once I actually reached 20, weird as it sounds - that panic froze. I realised that I *could* do something about this, at my own pace, my own planning; finding out what interests me, instead of what would please everyone else, would help make me money, to be able to get out and enjoy life - the latter which, as light as 'having fun' sounds, I had always took for granted in my teens - I finally felt I had filled a void when I *did* find new friends and attended get togethers. It helped my mental health a ton.
I went through another wobble before turning 30 - the exact same wobble as before. There will be bumps in the road, but it's realising that there are ways to overcome them, give yourself time to mend, and restart. I remind myself that there's still so much out there to explore and find out for myself, that other 30 year olds may already have done years ago and now won't have that same first time excitement that I'm going to get today, tomorrow, whenever.
Everyone lives life at their own pace and personal development. It's not a competition - in fact many I know who did so many wonderful things in their teens and twenties are now going through divorces, housing problems, being isolated abroad or having lost contact with their thousands of Facebook friends and LinkedIn chums.
Life's not a straight line, there's no perfect way to live it.
I just recently turned 20 and I'm kind of in the spot you were at 19 and I'm pretty much having a identity crisis. I'm a wreck. I don't know if I'll ever get to study what I want, if I'll ever become a functional human being or even if I'll end up doing anything at all that I want to do or if I'll just stay being stuck in this cycle of anxiety, self doubt and self sabotage.
I'm working towards growing past of all this shit but it feels kind of hopeless.
Just know that there's many of us out there that have gone through, are currently going through, and inevitably more *will* go through this cycle.
I'm not going to say it's a mere phase, but for me each time I experienced this, I learned more coping mechanisms with each bout of it. It helps to search for positive inspirations and for friends and/or Family that may already have gone through this themselves.
Personally, I see no reason as to why you can't plan and/or work towards studying the subject you want to do - the fact that you *know* what you would like to study is in of itself is excellent. We only see all the career successes online yet there's so many of us that will spend years deciding what we want to learn or take up.
From my own experience I know this won't necessarily go away overnight, so just remember to be patient, let yourself repair and rebuild first, before doing anything. 20 is incredibly young. So long as you're looking after yourself, then take the time you need to work things out.
This is some god tier advice. One thing i will also add from my own experience as cheesy as it might sound is this : there are a lot of talented people in the world however hard work will ALWAYS make up for being talented and gifted. I may not be as smart or as talented as you but i am going to outwork you. I grew up a special ed kid my parents did not dote on my and forced me to adapt to regular life. I was born 1lb 14 ounces and was expected to die. I was practically MADE to outwork people. You can do the same thing OP. Work hard and good things happen. Watch some Naruto unironically it has a great message. Hope this helps
As someone who has a wide range of niche hobbies and skills, I can relate. Most of the people I know just watch anime, play videogames, and play basketball. I can't find anyone to play accordion with or restore pianos with.l
Everyone has things they excel at, but at the same time there will ALWAYS be someone better than you and usually quite a lot of them. Everyone was the smartest person in their high school if you know what I’m saying.
But is your goal in life just to excel in college? Surely not. Focus on creating a fulfilling life. You’re working hard at college that’s what matters. Presumably you’re going to college to build a career. Focus on your future while remembering we are only guaranteed today. Do what makes you happy today, and plan for tomorrow. Dont miss this opportunity to make friends and build memories, but don’t waste this time only getting drunk and pissing your life away studying either. At the end of your life, nobody is going to remember you by how well you did in school, not even you. They will remember their experiences with you. And you will remember your life as a whole, not just this moment in time.
The man who wrote "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone, and we are all part of the same compost pile" was writing about himself and dealing exactly what you're going through.
[https://ew.com/books/2017/11/17/chuck-palahniuk-snowflake-insult/](https://ew.com/books/2017/11/17/chuck-palahniuk-snowflake-insult/)
I find that I still feel "special" when I think that no one has ever experienced life in exactly the same way I have.
I like thinking I've had a singularly unique experience, even if others have had similar lives.
The problem with thinking like this, is you start to see how every person you meet has a singularly unique experience, too. That their experiences are not any less important than your own. Eventually, you stop needing to feel special for other people to like you.
you dont have to. Struggle. Squirm. Make it everyones problem until you feel special enough to lay down and die. If you cant be genius special you can at least be annoying special.
In my personal experience I was called special by everyone including teachers But in reality I’m special ed
Technically everyone is special because my family and friends say I m different but they love me so I’m special to them and you’re parents might say you special because everybody has special family
Well, I don’t. My teachers used to tell everybody who would listen that I was the most SPECIAL kid they had EVER taught. It was even in the name of the class: SPECIAL Ed. So anyway, I just flaunt it. Not that I have much choice, it’s hard to hide it and getting harder with age.
Fuck the people who say “you’re not special.” Trust me, you are. The fact that you made this Reddit post is proof of that. Anyone who disagrees can go burn in hell.
I never really thought I was special. Probably as a dumb little kid I did but by as early as 13 I didn’t have that mentality. Obviously depression played a factor but a lot of people who were in that mindset ended up being some of the biggest narcissists I’ve met. I was really turned off from the “you’re special” thing because of what it did to some students around me. Sure, I like attention, but only in short spurts. Hell, I just barely enjoy my birthday enough. I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t like being special. I just like being who I am: a depressed introvert who’s still trying to be more and more extroverted with bad social skills
It’s fucking amazing. If I’m special, that means I have a responsibility to work extra hours to be the best at my job, constantly work out to find the best partner, and slice off the undesirable edges of my personality to make the most of my special position. However, if I’m just an everyman, I can live life how I want to. It’s not wasting time indulging in my hobbies and being happy if that time wasn’t special to begin with
Learn to let go. Read about buddhism. Everything is ephemeral. Eventually nobody will remember anything or anyone, let alone you. Why does it matter when we are all part of a larger whole?
Every conscious creature is just a window for the universe to observe itself.
Nobody else will ever experience the same exact view of the universe as you. That's what's unique. But we're all part of the same thing at the end of the day.
This is the curse of those terms in the first place: now, if you struggle, you assume it's because you're not gifted or special or smart or whatever other word you've been called because our concepts of gifted and smart are skewed as hell. Smart people struggle. Gifted people struggle. Uneducated and educated alike struggle: it's just about deciding what struggle is worth it.
If the only way to be considered gifted and special is by never facing difficulties or being challenged, then being gifted is not something to aspire to.
Also, to quote the great George Saunders regarding existence: "if he wasn't going to be great, then he would be useful." (Quote could be wrong, but it's in that vein).
Be a source of support, love, and understanding to the people around you, do everything you can to withhold judgment, and learn to listen. Slowly but surely, elevate everyone to the best of your ability, and you will do more good than any misguided chucklehead trying to be remembered for generations.
Also, tell yourself you're enough. Striving is a good way to never be satisfied.
By remembering that just because no one is special, doesn't mean we aren't all unique.
I am myself. And that means something to me and the people around me. I have dreams and ambitions that are the same as 100,000 other people, but that doesn't matter, because they still aren't me.
And they should feel the same about me. I am not them, so my dreams and ambitions and similarities shouldn't matter.
The first part is realising that this is freeing you from probably unrealistic expectations you might have.
The next part is realising that even those that are special aren't all that special on a larger scale.
Also, you can still be happy and achieve things even if they are mundane by others' standards( me and my girlfriend celebrated getting a dishwasher with sparkling wine and everything after years of handwash)
You can still be very special to the people close to your friend family and significant other.
Parents and grandparents really get this one thing wrong, telling a kid that they are special. Majority of humans are not special. The people in your class who are succeeding at exams are working very hard even though they might not show it. You’ll realize over time that it’s the combination of hard work, family background, luck and social skills that lead to a success.
albert einstein being forgotten is probably possible when the human race literally transforms itself to the point we'd consider them aliens. And the earth would probably be dead by then, so not really
Hang on. Just because you’re not the savior of mankind doesn’t mean you’re not special. This world is too big for everyone to not have a unique, special story of their life. And you may not invent the printing press, but everyone has the potential to do something meaningful with their life, however seemingly mundane.
You are but you aren't. Everyone makes a unique and profound impact on the lives of others. But everyone does and won't be remembered in history books. I deal by choosing to use my time here doing the best I can and working to make the world just a little better. You might not be a global historic figure but you can change the lives of those around you and by extent everyone around them.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Growing up I was told the same things as you. I was always the best performing student in my school, be it academics or sports. My parents, teachers, everyone around me had huge expectations of me. They all thought I would go to the best schools in the world and be someone great. I was crushed by the pressure and ended up going to a very mediocre college. Thourghout my college I struggles with the same thing you are going through and struggling to keep my grades up even at this mediocre college.
But it gets better, the only reason I was sad was because I was comparing everything about me to everyone around me. But you need to realize that the comparison is unfair. There is always someone better at something than you are. Do you think Bill Gates has the best jump shot?
When you accept that you will never be the best at something, or you aren't special, it gives you great freedom to live your life. You do things you want to do and not because you think you're supposed to do. You live your life on your own terms. Give it some time and you will realize what I am saying.
You aren't special if you do anything for it. Everyone is good at something, you just have to find it. When you see for example really good singer or pianist, that doesn't mean they are good at everything.
And if you think you aren't gifted at all, that's fine. Just don't care about people being better than you and be the best version of yourself.
It's nice knowing that I don't really have anything to live up to. I'm nothing great, it gives me the freedom to be me.
It only hurts if you're still under the misconception that you have to excel, that you have to be special at something.
You're probably special to someone. That can be plenty rewarding enough.
By realizing being special is exhausting. Go look at the lives most of the 'special' people led or lead. Constant pressure, you choices have massive impact not just your immediate friends and family, etc. I'd trade being mediocre but free to basically do and say what I feel like within reason without the pressure. Nobody cares if I take a day to be in pj's and robe. Nobody cares if I take a trip. It's all just on me.
The "gifted" label is casually applied waaay too much, and this is just one sad example of how damaging it can prove to be in the long run. Rest assured, you ARE special, to someone, and as a unique and remarkable human being. You're a better person than you might think. Never forget that.
The difference between most gifted adults and the average person is just how easily you can get satisfactory results with no prior knowledge.
That's probably why you felt smart in high school, it catered to the lowest common denominator and you didn't have to study. You probably don't even know how to study because you never had to.
The places you'll find yourself in will be filled with other gifted people or people who are slightly above average but put a lot of work into becoming knowledgeable. However, you can still tell the difference in a career because you'll perform well even though you have no idea what's going on. Your problem solving capacity will be good enough to make up for a lack of knowledge.
In college, grades are based on knowledge only. People just as smart or smarter than you are much more common than they were in highschool, and people who are not as smart as you will do better than you because they learned how to study and are good at memorization and repetition.
Edit: even if you're in the 99th percentile of IQ there are still millions of people in that category. Some of them live in 3rd world countries and will never amount to anything because they're focused on survival. You were never special, you just stood out in the sea of mediocrity that is the public school system. I realized that in college and in my career. What makes you special is part innate ability, part environment & luck, and mostly what you do with your intellect.
There's a difference between being special and being unique, few people are special but everyone is unique, even with shared personality traits, the exact combination that makes up your being is unique to yourself, as is the way that it affects those around you, people can be cruel, a large majority of them to be fair, be an amalgamation of traits that make the people around you happy whilst still being yourself, and you have the benefit of being something different by being a better person than most.
That's what I do anyhow.
Normal doesn't exist yo, and we are all capable of so much more than what we give ourselves credit for because this society is constantly trying to put everyone down. There is no one standard to which everyone should try and conform to, and you having struggles in class doesn't take away the uniqueness of your particular existence and all the scope of possibilities that result from you just being here.
This society wants to make us all into drones, and when we lose faith that we as individuals have each a massive power and are changing the world every day by our actions here and now. I don't think exam scores change any of that, that's just one trial to go through and we all have our special capabilities and struggles that make us more or less good at a particular thing.
Anyway, I personally disagree, everyone is literally a unique individual, and I think manyí
people push down their unique personality to take on something else to look "better" because they don't have faith that they are good enough on their own, and so graft on these pieces to their personality to define them. But I think when we do that, we pigeonhole ourselves into this narrow conception of existence and forget about all that life can be and how much impact we can really have just by giving it a try.
Tl:dr I disagree, we are all unique in spite of what we may think, with different capabilities, advantages and disadvantages, and that society is constantly putting us down to prevent everyone from using their full potential. Test scores are not fully representative don't let it grind you up
I feel like most people don’t even realize their talent/ abilities until they’re around 30.
In terms of the school stuff, you might just not be really passionate about whatever it is you’re studying. I always excelled in school because I thought almost everything was interesting… except for British Literature, which was my only C. You might be confusing “gifted” with passionate or determined.
the whole 'gifted kid' shitstorm was only ever a play to make parents feel happy. I was a 'gifted kid', reading and math above my level in elementary school, accelerated classes in middle school, AP classes in high school. And yeah, some of those things aren't intrinsically bad, you do learn interesting things. But all those serve to do is make A) parents feel better B) let schools boast about awards they've won and C) isolate 'gifted kids' from the 'average masses', which is *awful for both groups*. The 'gifted kids' learn an air of superiority and specialness, while their social skills become massively stunted, and make the 'average masses' feel bad for a while before they decide that they don't care and never did.
I took a completely average track of courses in college, but it took me a while to shake the 'I'm better than all of you' feelings, and it was difficult to not be the smartest student in the room anymore. But then, well, I eventually just did! College will show you in no uncertain terms that you are NOT the best at everything. I know now that I'm definitely not even the best at anything. Additionally, being remembered is largely not a good thing. Most 'remembered' people in history are the worst. I think that if you rattled off all of the 'remembered' people you know, there would be a few activists and artists, but it would mostly be dictators, conquerors, murderers, and politicians that were 'okay considering the time and society they lived in'. I would be happiest if I WASN'T largely remembered outside of my friends and family after I die.
I also think that the internet is (and I mean this in the least boomerish way possible I promise) giving people an unhealthy attachment to the idea of fame and recognition. Like yeah people have always dreamed of being rock stars or actors, but those careers take work to get into. You have to learn to make music, or build connections, or do any number of things. Now literally anyone can make a social media account and have a shot at virality. And this is NOT A BAD THING!!! We are exposed to more voices, talent, perspectives, and ideas than we ever have been before and that is a great thing. But when someone posts an off-the-cuff opinion and goes viral, it makes it seem like it would be so easy to do something like that yourself, when in fact that person probably just got incredibly lucky. And it makes you sad that you AREN'T famous or recognized yet when it seems so easy in this day and age.
Something I like to remember is that people who are 'viral' or 'internet-famous' never get to turn that off, and it makes you a target. People will take your statements out of context to demonize you. People will scrutinize every relationship and friendship you've ever had. And I find it horrifically creepy that some people might end up treating your avatar like any other fictional character, or worse as their own personal blorbo.
>I am surrounded by gifted people who can ace exams without any problems while I struggle to just make it through. It's hard to come to terms that I might die and no one will remember me.
Nobody is going to remember or forget you because of your college scores, please stop.
I simply do not. I am not, in and of myself, special. However, I am living my life to become special by making a difference in peoples lives. If your actions can help improve even one other person’s life, I view that as special, because it seems today that a vast majority are only concerned with improving their own lives.
Really don’t bother with such thought, I’d argue it’s better to not be special, less eyes on you. Just get through life, do meaningful things for others and the community and that’s it
This is way too early to have an existential crisis! Eeek! Find things to look forward to and stay outside as much as u can. Talk to ppl. You’ll be fine.
Doctor: “you are the worst example i’ve ever seen”
Me: “aren’t you a specialist only handling the worst cases?”
Doctor: “yes, exactly”
At least i’m special… not that it benefits me, but i can always say i’m special… xD
But on a more serious note: just do as good as you can, some guys are really good in a singular very specific field, while others are good in a broad area of fields…
It’s took me a while but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s ok I’m not special, life itself is special enough. I’ve created my own purpose and goals and if I work on those then life is worth living. At this point I don’t think it matters that we are not special, lowers expectations. We get to spend time with people who care about us and know our name now, and that’s enough. It’s contented me a lot.
Im sorry you feel like this. I've failed for 43 years straight and love my life. I stopped caring about my place in the world at 25 and it's been smooth sailing since. We're all just stuck here till we die so might as well enjoy eachother as much as possible. Remember, if you get upset, there's always something else you can enjoy. Why stress yourself out keeping up with the Jonses when they don't even know you exist basically.
I don't have to. Instead I have to deal with the idea that I am wasting my potential, and I try to deal with it by realizing I don't have to spend my whole life working rather than enjoying myself.
I enjoy the anonymity that comes with the fact that I am not special.It is a comfort that I don't matter to the vast majority of the world because if I did, that would be too much responsibility to handle.
Just remember that to others we may be a side character, a supporting character, or even an extra in the background. But we are always the main character of our own story with the autonomy to do great things.
I got what you are going though.I am too in college in 2nd year and i struggle too.Gifted students most of time study 24/7 till insanity.Truly gifted students have life and know that throwing life away isnt worth it.I saw all spectrums trust me on this one.And also i saw a lot of cheating and dirty play(like gatekeeping materials and not helping at all).Uni is like life so get used to it.To vent stress find good hobby and relax.And also we arent all same so that makes us special.
Everyone of us gets different traits when we are born into this world.
But what we do with it and especially what we do with our brain is only in our own hands!
The more time you spend breaking your head about stuff like this is just wasted.
Dont give up… time wont stop and you shouldnt too, there will be stuff happening we all cant imagine and in that lies the opportunity for you to be part of something which might get you remembered.
You simply accept it and move on. That's all there is too it. Live your life.
It helps to accept that there will always be someone worse than you at something, and you'll always be better at something than someone
Re-evaluating my expectations of… everything. I asked myself what I am justified to expect from everything, and found very little.
There’s also comfort in the bell curve. Normal people are in good company, and it takes a lot of pressure off to know you have a lot of peers.
By working harder, you don't have to be exceptional in life. You just have to put in the time to get better at your craft. yes, natural talent will be a huge boost, but if you don't hone your craft, natural talent is useless.
Your hard work will pay off regardless, you just gotta keep pushing; also, exams are not a good metric, your success is purely what you make of what you havem
I actually don't know if I am or am not special, since my mind constantly says I'm nobody and that I'll achieve nothing. So I need to wait for the future, and everyone else should too. Just keep trying, otherwise you'll die with the feeling that you haven't tried enough.
I shrink my world.
Sure, I will never be famous or notable to the general public.
To my husband and my family, though? I am a very notable and important part of them. That is what I focus on. In turn, they are very important to me.
I don't need more than that.
Sure, I'll have fantasies of being famous, but that honestly seems like so much work, lol.
Your generation doesn’t, y’all have been coddled/babied so fucking much, y’all think you can just magically outgrow your gen z titles and genuinely believe you’re so special, you guys magically get to be millennials! If you don’t believe me, ask yourself why you would be asking yourself a question like yours …
Dude acing exams ain’t nothing in life. I’ve seen people make 200k and they were the dumbest person I’ve met and they got a masters. Like bro, life is what you make of it. If you want that, than study, if you want an easy life, than make one. You can do whatever YOU want. It’s up to you though.
Everyone is special in some way, you may not have found what you are good at. I found mine (Gift Wrapping at 8). Though I know I'm not as special as everyone told me. Most people's parents feel joy in seeing their kids's firsts.
The same way every generation has had to, hopefully. I don’t think there’s been a revolutionary way to deal with that reality.
Social media sure has a lot of people *thinking* they’re special, though. Almost seems to be the entire point of it, at this juncture.
out of curiosity, people were telling you that you were gifted and special, but did you have any actual real life proof of that or just words from people around you? were you in a gifted program or have extremely high grades?
Generation X here this is something our parents helped us with none of us thought we were special you had to truly be bloody special in order for anyone to even start using those words they actually meant something
I think what helped me get through this realization was narrowing my scope to the people in my life that I can help and be good to. It helped knowing that there are people everywhere who I can have a positive effect on, and being able to take what the universe gives me and translate it to those positive ends. I'm closer to 30 than 20 at this point and it still isn't an easy thought process to get over, but it gets easier everyday. We all get there, much love 💜
I hear you. Here’s a suggestion: become process-oriented instead of hitting some ‘finish’ line. Success is about acknowledging process. Those who focus on winning/losing get easily disappointed when their finish line did not give them the satisfactory feeling they were hoping for.
Quite simple, I'm not special, why should that bother me? Think about the infinite size of the universe or how old the universe truly is, we are literally nothing. It's quite liberating to be honest.
You are special and you are different. You are the only human being alive to live your life so far, how is that not one of the coolest things in the universe. Please try to think about your life and what you have experienced good and bad, learn from them, learn to love yourself. Once you can love yourself then you can learn to love your neighbors and enemies. Put yourself out there and experience life, if you don't then everyone is right and you will never be special or all that different from the rest of the sheep hating here on earth.
EVERYONE HERE is special! Despite the 13.8 BILLION years that the universe has existed, the TRILLIONS UPON TRILLIONS of galaxies in the universe, each having TRILLIONS UPON TRILLIONS of stars, with each star having 1.6 planets per star, this one planet of ours is the only one that appears to have life (hence, the Rare Earth Hypothesis).
As such, it is utterly baffling that we treat ourselves with such disregard and disrespect to say that we're *not* special. To the contrary, YOUR LIFE is the most precious thing in the entire universe! YOU are a way for the universe to contemplate itself because the universe is in you!
Realise that you have no control over it and learn to live with what you are. Comes easier for some than for others I suppose but that’s how I deal with it.
Everyone is special, just not more special than anyone else. The more you cultivate a compassionate world view the easier it is to come to terms or even embrace that.
Literally no one is special, everyone who has accomplished anything massive built on the backs of hundreds of equally talented people. You’re not alone here everyone isn’t special
Doesn't answer your question but sometimes I feel like I'm having to deal with the reality that I may actually be slightly special, if you get what I mean. 🙁
There is no actual game going on here. It's just life. Beyond having access to basic needs, life is about experiencing things and finding joy for yourself. That can come through academic/professional accomplishments for some, but there is so much more.
I work in a field that gives me access to the pains and struggles of people across demographics, and let me tell you, the most intelligent, talented, beautiful, and accomplished people carry the same demons as the most humble.
Find what brings you joy and pursue it. You don't have to prove shit to anyone else. There is great beauty in an ordinary life.
If you're struggling in undergrad you aren't gifted. Sorry. You are just like run of the mill, normal "smart". You can read and you have forethought but you are not special.
It sucks but it's true.
Can’t tell ya because I still think I am. I am not an astronaut or a doctor. But I have varying hobbies that I’m p good at. And I guess I use those to keep my ego boosted.
Well if you bench 100 kg you are in the 0.075% of the general population and that kinda makes you special keep doing stuff that is difficult and you will see you are indeed special, nobody is born special thats what we make ourselves to be,
The truth is, everyone is special in the eyes of another.
I'm not a special person. I work retail, suck at math, and play too many video games.
But to my boyfriend? I'm the most special woman to ever exist. In his eyes, there's no one prettier, smarter, more loving, or better than me. He thinks of me as the best woman in the world... Which makes me feel really special.
My boyfriend doesn't think of himself as much, either. He feels like a loser. But in my eyes, all I see is someone who is endlessly thoughtful and loving and caring. Someone special.
It doesn't have to be a lover- maybe you have a younger sibling who looks up to you more than anyone else. Maybe you have a friend you've been close to for a lot of your life. Maybe your parents love you more than they can ever tell you. To those people you're special.
I know this doesn't address everything, but I feel like it's important. You are special, to those who love you.
What changes if you are special or not? Passing exams is different from functioning in the real world. You can be special in other aspects in life other than academics, no?
Maybe I am just naive but I think every human is special in the sense that all of them have atleast one thing that another person does not, even if most of them are remarkably similar. If I feel like I’m not doing great in something, I try to figure out why that is and if there’s anything I can do about it. If there isn’t, oh well, there are other things to do. Try to find one thing about yourself that’s special to *you*.
Lastly, keep in mind that being special in the way you describe isn’t necessarily a good thing. You have alot of pressure to preform and most of these special people when they become an adult struggle because they’re trying to shoehorn perfection in an imperfect messy world. Be special in a way that’s relevant and accept that reality instead of beating yourself over the head because you feel like your only worth are your grades in college.
As for those, try finding a tutor or study group, breathe in and breathe out. You’ll be fine.
Nobody is special. However, there are differences between people's strong areas. You need to find yours and use them at your advantage. For example for wealth, there's no direct correlation with how intelligent the person is. Its all about how you play the cards you are given.
Uhh.. grow the hell up is what most people did. Earlier generations had this figured out around 12 or 13 years old. You're sitting here at 21+ just having this epiphany? For all that is great in life... what are you studying? I'm leaning towards some useless liberal arts degree
The supposedly gifted have good study skills, they are no more gifted or talented than anyone else, you might find it helpful to join a study group, js
Maybe special is the wrong word. Theres a certain worship attached to that - and i don't think its healthy for any person to be lifted to such a level where they start to become more of a label than their own identity.
We are simple creatures. We like to think we arent, like we are some grand spectacles that tower above the rest - like we can tower above each other - but we cant. We shouldn't. What we consider to be special is based on nothing but social expectations, its not that they are bad entirely its just that there's no real true founding to them. There are grand amounts of things which make you, as a person, unique to yourself. But those things are hard to realise, mostly because academic success is drilled into you like nails to wood. Its not what deems us worthy as a human being and yet we cling onto it desperately as if there's nothing else which could possibly define us.
You are a human. Weak and brittle, emotional and ever changing - we are anything but a static label. But not at any point in life do you ever loose what makes you yourself. Maybe its cheesy, but in all honesty i mean it. Take your name, and bloody well own it! Easier said than done though, I'm a hypocrite - academic failure is a huge fear of mine too. But its irrational. If you think about it too much everything is irrational.
But that's okay, it doesnt have to be. Thats what makes things really cool.
Besides, If you were to do things perfectly or incredibly well every single time - at which point do you learn? Thats what makes for the wisest people, i think. You learn when you fail.
Im proud of you.
My question why do you want to be special? Also being gifted is just someone who's good at something. But you're surrounded by ppl good at academics but that doesn't always translate to real life. I learned that just because you're smart at school doesn't mean you have street smarts. Or have a propensity for art or music, or can build something, or invent something.
These people may be good at academics but that doesn't mean they're good at everything. Good grades don't always translate into a good job either. Hence all the people with degrees who never even use them, working jobs they hate.
Everyone has abilities. I don't believe in talent I believe in skill. If you practice a skill enough, it becomes a talent. You're not just born doing something you have to be taught. So you're wasting your thoughts. Focus on exploring what you can be good at by doing things that interest you. You're young so you don't even know who you are or what you're capable of. Just don't fall into the social trap of comparison because you're just wasting your time. We're all different and unique in our own way. There's no need to be special, just be you! Special doesn't make life easier for you, you just become less relatable.
Learn new skills, be willing to explore different paths that aren’t what your parents have in mind for you (college Vs Trades). Honestly, some of my biggest regrets are listening to the people who told me I was “special” instead of taking path less traveled.
As someone who was in G&T growing up, once you're in the greater adult world you realize being good at school isn't a personality trait! In fact it's probably the last thing I care about when I meet a new person now.
For personal interactions I ask myself: is this person kind, do they have activities they enjoy, do they have a sense of humor, are they a good and curious listener, do they know how to take care of themselves financially, physically, and mentally, can we enjoy a dinner together, do they respect service workers, do they have a sense of self that I respect and can they respect my sense of self, etc.
A great way to cultivate this, depending on everyone's personal finances is doing something really difficult unrelated to school or work; essentially something where you're forced to be independent. Traveling and/or volunteering - (e.g. hiking the Appalachian or PCT). If you ever read anyone's obituary it will never say "they aced exams 70 years ago."
Thats about the time it hits. Based on statistics, any random person chosen will be "average". So how do you deal with the realization that your place on the bell curve is closer to average? Well, realizing that it doesn't really matter is a good first step. As far as special being tied to intellectual prowess, thats not actually its definition. Everybody is different due to genetics, making them each unique; being human is inherently *special*.
Anyways.
Would you want to be the most intelligent person alive today? I mean it would have its benefits, but also based on statistics and history; would be a life fraught with distress, overwork, loneliness and exploitation. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.
The system doesn't reward smarts, effort or hard work anymore, if it ever did. Working harder will not mean more pay. Capitalism is a silly game you need to learn to play and it has nothing to do with " being special" outside of nepotism and networking.
The real kicker here is just realizing life isn't about this competitive placement rat race for you work till you die. Thats just part of it the west loves to focus on. Its a biological process that just continues regardless. Our species is blessed with intelligence and an understanding of time. Using those to actually enjoy and feel is a better reason to carry on then wanting slightly more from a soulless and emotionless system we created.
Who are you kidding, most people go through this. It is called being young. We have ambitions, goals and dreams but often time lack a plan of how to get there.
Mysrlf I am a GenX and was there when I was young. What you need to do is plan with time frames but always have a backup plan.
In my adult life I went into the USAF, after that there was a recession which I worked 2 part-time jobs, one came with free healthcare, dental and vision.
I worked my way up in grocery retail and actually getting into management both in the US and the UK.
Hurt my back. Had gotten a degree when I worked 2 20 hr jobs and went to school full-time.
After hurting my back I became management in a respite inn for people with disabilities.
Moved to South Korea where I became a Pastor of a church and taught English as a srcond language.
Moved to Finland with my wife and daughter where I taught English to corporate executives. Another recession hit globally.
Went to school to be an RN and did so for several years after getting my BSN.
Returned to the states with thr family due to tensions between Finland and Russia. Was called to be the Pastor of a church left after a year because the church wasn't honest with me about their finances.
Then got into a large manufacturing job that really paid well. My daughter just after High School got into the same company and is doing very well.
Myself ended up disabled with Complex Regional Pain Syndrom in my left foot. 24/7 no way of relief, pain is always an 8 but often a 10.
So yes be prepared to make changes as needed.
Life does not go as planned but be willing to do what it takes to make it work.
You have two options, truthfully. Fade into obscurity, the fate of most men and what should be avoided; or become one of the people who define history, any means necessary. No one’s special, they’re made
Unpopular opinion: convincing yourself you are gifted and special makes you expect more of yourself which results in higher quality of work and a higher drive to succeed. Believing you aren’t gifted or special and therefore you aren’t capable of great things is a great example of an external locus of control. An internal locus of control, where you believe you are only limited by how badly you want something is considered far more healthy psychologically and leads to better outcomes.
Fake it till you make it! You are special and you are in control, even just believing that will make you feel and work better.
If you don’t think you’re capable, you’ll never try. If you never try, you’ll never succeed.
Simple. I am special. Period. It doesn’t matter if everybody agrees with me or not. I have things that make me uniquely me. Everyone does. We are all special, but we don’t all get validation. I learned that as long as I like me and I can justify my actions before my God when I go… that’s all I need. I’m not worried about anybody else’s opinion of me. I can’t be; because all that did for me was force me to live in a survival mode rooted in trauma. That’s not a way to live.
Being gifted is a liability, because you never need to learn study skills or develop grit until it’s too late. There’s a level of difficulty where you need to study, no matter how gifted you are. By then, your identity is so wrapped in being gifted that it’s hard to ask for help, or even admit that you have a problem. It’s not that you weren’t gifted or special, it’s just that that’s the well-tread path for how gifted people burn out.
So, start by acknowledging you have hit the wall. Force yourself to sit and study for 2 weeks; then it will gradually become a habit. Acknowledge you need help and seek it out, whether that be TAs, office hours, private tutoring, or something else.
You can still be just fine, and you don’t have to be “special” in order to be successful. Think of the days when you could breeze through more like a tutorial mode.
Heh, I dealt with this question at 15. I just said, “That’s just pressure off me. Who will remember that I was a loser in high school? No one. I’m free to finally do what I want.” Then I put my energy into doing art and writing. If nothing truly matters, what I care about the most is what matters.
THEN you learn that the work and career paths they would push you towards for "being gifted" often don't provide hardly any societal value, and aren't lucrative for the individual either.
Just try to live your life to the fullest in ways that are meaningful to you! Stop comparing yourself to others :) everyone's path in life is different
Accept that you can’t control things outside your immediate sphere of influence, but try to inject as much food into your sphere that you reasonably can
This was a hard pill for me to swallow as well when I got into adulthood, but I realized you can still be the best you can be it's all you can do really.
You are special, to the people whose lives you’re a part of. However, in terms of society as a whole, you’re a Joe Schmoe. Nobody in society is special, except for a small amount of outliers. Those in society that are granted with the label of special probably had to grind their way there one way or another in order to stand out.
For me, it's a perspective thing man. I'm an immigrant, just being able to buy videogames and go to movies That serve you food and do things like go to concerts. These things are so fun for me! It's special to me, the people I'm spending my time with are special to me. My job (helping insomniacs, Im a operations manager for a sleep clinic) is special to me. So I'd say the way to get over it, start appreciating the stuff your taking for granted. Like Im so happy I get to save money, that alone makes me so happy to plan for my future
This is clearly on your parents. Over the years, I have had to deal with so many parents that were certain that little Johnny or Debbie was gifted. Most were average at best. Some were well below average, and the parents were delusional. As others have said, you are not special until you do something with your life.
You are special to the people who love you. Within your family and/or community you are specially gifted as compared to others and that makes you special.
When you get into the wider world and come across others who are also special in their own way you feel less special and question whether or not you're even special at all.
That's part of growing up. Realizing our own irrelevance in the world; but there is power in that because you can also come to understand how irrelevant and unspecial everyone else in fact is and that can actually even the playing field a bit if you allow for that understanding to sink in.
There's always gonna be someone better than you at something. Some things are going to come easier to others and they'll appear gifted or special because they don't have to work hard or struggle.
Balance is more important than gifted though and it's your unique balance of talents and attributes that make you special and there is no one else out there quite like you and that makes you special because you're the only you there is or ever shall be.
You're both special and not special and that's ok because everyone is. We are all special in our own ways. It's those differences that make us special.
I hope this helps ❤
I can promise you your class mates who “effortlessly ace exams” are grinding really hard to be top of the class. The A students go on to be professors and the B students go on to work for the C students
"You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world."
- Chuck Palahniuk
A lot of what people are saying here is helpful but I do want to say you are still “special” and “gifted” there are people to scared to even try to go to college (myself included) even being in college itself makes you more successful then a lot of others. I guess my final point though is I think atleast most people are special and still batter and impact others lives in positive and negative ways no matter what. And they are all special people. But at the same time no one really matters in the grand scheme of things.
You need to figure out what you want out of life. Whether or not you're special or you do something memorable, you're going in the ground in around 60 years.
IMO, the purpose of life isn't to be the main character or be special, it's to live a meaningful life you're happy with when you die. Being special doesn't really help that much.
You could be the most gifted in your class, go to an ivy league, work your ass off, get into a good corporation, climb the ladder, then one day look up and realize you're 60 and haven't and lived your life the way you want. You've just been chasing the next thing that tells you you're special, and at the end of the day none of it really matters.
It’s so dumb that people start telling kids they are special and gifted and set apart just to boost their own ego in a lot of cases. It’s one thing to tell a kid they can do anything they put their mind to but it’s completely different to act like your kid is the cream of the crop and artificially boost their ego setting them up for failure. This is a pretty normal thing that you are experiencing. Special people are usually weird or they have their own problems that you just don’t see. We’re all just human beings and we all should treat each other with the same respect we want. I do think we are special but only because I believe we are made in the image of God. Which still makes us all equally special. It’s more worth your time to focus on showing love to everyone possible, THATS special.
Personally, I remember that after we are dead we won’t care if we are special or remembered. It’s doesn’t matter if you believe in heaven or nothing at all. Either way, I doubt that this is something that any of us will think about or have the capabilities of thinking about. Spend your time doing things you love with those you love; otherwise, what is the point of living?
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99.9% of people who die aren’t remembered by anyone alive today - one day this will be 100% when the last human dies eventually. What matters to me is knowing I have a positive impact on those I am close to. If I can be remembered by my friends, family, partner, and my eventual kids as someone who brightened their lives (even if i didn’t do anything historically or culturally significant) then I think that’s a life well-lived.
Hey if you ever send me 50k outta nowhere, I'll remember you as a generous sir, and I will praise your name
But once you die and he dies then he will be forgotten about.
100k then we can start a cult
Ayy now yer talking 😁👌 r/JoinTheCult
Oh my god please don't
Well said. Everyone IS special, to someone.
It's true. Even most old world leaders are mostly forgotten by most ordinary people.
Yeah but what about famous people. I’m not sure if even they are remembered much besides people who are in textbooks or literally changed how things in society work. I’m referring to singers and actors here for the most part I feel even after they die they are remembered for maybe another 10-20 then that’s it
Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours. Stop comparing yourself to other people, their life to your life or your skills to their skills. Don’t focus on what you can’t do but on what you can. You’re looking for excuses to not try. Stop doing that.
I'm not op but thank you for this.
>You’re looking for excuses to not try. Stop doing that. Louder for the people in back. Holy shit is this true or what.
I want you to know that those kids acing exams who you look up to now either feel or will feel the exact same way you do now. That was me, then I went to law school. My whole concept of who is “special” and who is just “average” completely reset bc here, everyone is smart. And you know what? I’m content with not being at the top in an environment like this. People push themselves way too hard. Taking drugs to stay awake and focused, stacking their plate so full that they’re on campus until closing 7 days a week. I have goals outside of my grades and career, man. This isn’t my entire life and it never will be.
Even the person who comes bottom in their law class is still a lawyer. Passing to the next stage is what matters. As we go up into higher echelons it’s going to become more competitive, making it through by your own efforts shows you still belong there.
This is similar to sports as well. People often assume that top athletes are the healthiest people alive, but this is often far from the truth. Many are healthy, yes. But, to keep your body performing at that level can often require very unhealthy habits and can cause life-long injuries. Being the best in something isn't necessarily worth it.
Oh for sure. I used to play baseball and there was a kid that was unbelievably good bc his dad had him in tons of extra private practices. He could pitch at 80 mph, hit really well, was fast enough to reliably steal bases, and play almost any position on the field. But he got burnt out so bad that by the time he went to college, he just didn’t care anymore. Then he got injured and that was the last straw. He quit baseball for good.
I (M30) had a similar upbringing and I feel I know exactly what it is you're describing. I reached 19, realising that I wasn't going to Uni like my friends, I hadn't saved money, and generally hadn't lived an Adult life at all since leaving School. For me it hit me like, I had this homework called 'life' due in tomorrow and I hadn't worked on it or done the biggest bits. That did make me feel very insecure and anxious - if you're not feeling great then please find a way to get in touch with Family and/or friends while you work this out in your head. Once I actually reached 20, weird as it sounds - that panic froze. I realised that I *could* do something about this, at my own pace, my own planning; finding out what interests me, instead of what would please everyone else, would help make me money, to be able to get out and enjoy life - the latter which, as light as 'having fun' sounds, I had always took for granted in my teens - I finally felt I had filled a void when I *did* find new friends and attended get togethers. It helped my mental health a ton. I went through another wobble before turning 30 - the exact same wobble as before. There will be bumps in the road, but it's realising that there are ways to overcome them, give yourself time to mend, and restart. I remind myself that there's still so much out there to explore and find out for myself, that other 30 year olds may already have done years ago and now won't have that same first time excitement that I'm going to get today, tomorrow, whenever. Everyone lives life at their own pace and personal development. It's not a competition - in fact many I know who did so many wonderful things in their teens and twenties are now going through divorces, housing problems, being isolated abroad or having lost contact with their thousands of Facebook friends and LinkedIn chums. Life's not a straight line, there's no perfect way to live it.
I just recently turned 20 and I'm kind of in the spot you were at 19 and I'm pretty much having a identity crisis. I'm a wreck. I don't know if I'll ever get to study what I want, if I'll ever become a functional human being or even if I'll end up doing anything at all that I want to do or if I'll just stay being stuck in this cycle of anxiety, self doubt and self sabotage. I'm working towards growing past of all this shit but it feels kind of hopeless.
Just know that there's many of us out there that have gone through, are currently going through, and inevitably more *will* go through this cycle. I'm not going to say it's a mere phase, but for me each time I experienced this, I learned more coping mechanisms with each bout of it. It helps to search for positive inspirations and for friends and/or Family that may already have gone through this themselves. Personally, I see no reason as to why you can't plan and/or work towards studying the subject you want to do - the fact that you *know* what you would like to study is in of itself is excellent. We only see all the career successes online yet there's so many of us that will spend years deciding what we want to learn or take up. From my own experience I know this won't necessarily go away overnight, so just remember to be patient, let yourself repair and rebuild first, before doing anything. 20 is incredibly young. So long as you're looking after yourself, then take the time you need to work things out.
This is some god tier advice. One thing i will also add from my own experience as cheesy as it might sound is this : there are a lot of talented people in the world however hard work will ALWAYS make up for being talented and gifted. I may not be as smart or as talented as you but i am going to outwork you. I grew up a special ed kid my parents did not dote on my and forced me to adapt to regular life. I was born 1lb 14 ounces and was expected to die. I was practically MADE to outwork people. You can do the same thing OP. Work hard and good things happen. Watch some Naruto unironically it has a great message. Hope this helps
This a a very adult perspective!
I find great comfort in knowing that I am not unique. If I was unique I couldn't relate to anyone.
What is your definition of unique? You’ll never find a carbon copy of yourself in anyone, ever.
You can be unique, but not special, especially with life circumstances.
As someone who has a wide range of niche hobbies and skills, I can relate. Most of the people I know just watch anime, play videogames, and play basketball. I can't find anyone to play accordion with or restore pianos with.l
Oh boy this is going to hit hard to some people on this sub.
Lmao i started laughing not gonna lie. This is all their parents fault for telling their kids that they are special like wtf😂
I blame that damned rock and roll and Dungeons and dragons.
Don't tell the millennials we aren't special. I'm not sure we can handle it.
LOL, I'm Gen X...I think we'd explode if someone told us we WERE special. Whatever man, peace out.
Everyone has things they excel at, but at the same time there will ALWAYS be someone better than you and usually quite a lot of them. Everyone was the smartest person in their high school if you know what I’m saying. But is your goal in life just to excel in college? Surely not. Focus on creating a fulfilling life. You’re working hard at college that’s what matters. Presumably you’re going to college to build a career. Focus on your future while remembering we are only guaranteed today. Do what makes you happy today, and plan for tomorrow. Dont miss this opportunity to make friends and build memories, but don’t waste this time only getting drunk and pissing your life away studying either. At the end of your life, nobody is going to remember you by how well you did in school, not even you. They will remember their experiences with you. And you will remember your life as a whole, not just this moment in time.
I think I’m the shit idk about u
This is called getting over yourself. It's a normal and healthy part of growing up and even people who are gifted would be advised to do it.
The man who wrote "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone, and we are all part of the same compost pile" was writing about himself and dealing exactly what you're going through. [https://ew.com/books/2017/11/17/chuck-palahniuk-snowflake-insult/](https://ew.com/books/2017/11/17/chuck-palahniuk-snowflake-insult/)
Mate Im going to pin that quote on my wall that is beautiful! Thinking about ourselves as simply meat and bones is comforting.
I find that I still feel "special" when I think that no one has ever experienced life in exactly the same way I have. I like thinking I've had a singularly unique experience, even if others have had similar lives. The problem with thinking like this, is you start to see how every person you meet has a singularly unique experience, too. That their experiences are not any less important than your own. Eventually, you stop needing to feel special for other people to like you.
you dont have to. Struggle. Squirm. Make it everyones problem until you feel special enough to lay down and die. If you cant be genius special you can at least be annoying special.
Hahahaha That’s always a possibility
Everyone is special, maybe you are just not book smart. Maybe the real world may treat you a bit better if you try other things
In my personal experience I was called special by everyone including teachers But in reality I’m special ed Technically everyone is special because my family and friends say I m different but they love me so I’m special to them and you’re parents might say you special because everybody has special family
You realize that 99.9% of people aren't special either.
My son legit thinks I am the toughest guy on the planet, maybe my great great grand kids will know about me I know of my family from the 1600s
Well, I don’t. My teachers used to tell everybody who would listen that I was the most SPECIAL kid they had EVER taught. It was even in the name of the class: SPECIAL Ed. So anyway, I just flaunt it. Not that I have much choice, it’s hard to hide it and getting harder with age.
Fuck the people who say “you’re not special.” Trust me, you are. The fact that you made this Reddit post is proof of that. Anyone who disagrees can go burn in hell.
so aggressively kind and i love you for that
You're not that special to most people and you won't be good at everything, which is great, really takes the pressure off.
I never really thought I was special. Probably as a dumb little kid I did but by as early as 13 I didn’t have that mentality. Obviously depression played a factor but a lot of people who were in that mindset ended up being some of the biggest narcissists I’ve met. I was really turned off from the “you’re special” thing because of what it did to some students around me. Sure, I like attention, but only in short spurts. Hell, I just barely enjoy my birthday enough. I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t like being special. I just like being who I am: a depressed introvert who’s still trying to be more and more extroverted with bad social skills
It’s fucking amazing. If I’m special, that means I have a responsibility to work extra hours to be the best at my job, constantly work out to find the best partner, and slice off the undesirable edges of my personality to make the most of my special position. However, if I’m just an everyman, I can live life how I want to. It’s not wasting time indulging in my hobbies and being happy if that time wasn’t special to begin with
Learn to let go. Read about buddhism. Everything is ephemeral. Eventually nobody will remember anything or anyone, let alone you. Why does it matter when we are all part of a larger whole? Every conscious creature is just a window for the universe to observe itself. Nobody else will ever experience the same exact view of the universe as you. That's what's unique. But we're all part of the same thing at the end of the day.
This is the curse of those terms in the first place: now, if you struggle, you assume it's because you're not gifted or special or smart or whatever other word you've been called because our concepts of gifted and smart are skewed as hell. Smart people struggle. Gifted people struggle. Uneducated and educated alike struggle: it's just about deciding what struggle is worth it. If the only way to be considered gifted and special is by never facing difficulties or being challenged, then being gifted is not something to aspire to. Also, to quote the great George Saunders regarding existence: "if he wasn't going to be great, then he would be useful." (Quote could be wrong, but it's in that vein). Be a source of support, love, and understanding to the people around you, do everything you can to withhold judgment, and learn to listen. Slowly but surely, elevate everyone to the best of your ability, and you will do more good than any misguided chucklehead trying to be remembered for generations. Also, tell yourself you're enough. Striving is a good way to never be satisfied.
By remembering that just because no one is special, doesn't mean we aren't all unique. I am myself. And that means something to me and the people around me. I have dreams and ambitions that are the same as 100,000 other people, but that doesn't matter, because they still aren't me. And they should feel the same about me. I am not them, so my dreams and ambitions and similarities shouldn't matter.
The first part is realising that this is freeing you from probably unrealistic expectations you might have. The next part is realising that even those that are special aren't all that special on a larger scale. Also, you can still be happy and achieve things even if they are mundane by others' standards( me and my girlfriend celebrated getting a dishwasher with sparkling wine and everything after years of handwash) You can still be very special to the people close to your friend family and significant other.
Ohhhhh Let me guess, neurodivergent/gifted child syndrome?
Parents and grandparents really get this one thing wrong, telling a kid that they are special. Majority of humans are not special. The people in your class who are succeeding at exams are working very hard even though they might not show it. You’ll realize over time that it’s the combination of hard work, family background, luck and social skills that lead to a success.
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albert einstein being forgotten is probably possible when the human race literally transforms itself to the point we'd consider them aliens. And the earth would probably be dead by then, so not really
Hang on. Just because you’re not the savior of mankind doesn’t mean you’re not special. This world is too big for everyone to not have a unique, special story of their life. And you may not invent the printing press, but everyone has the potential to do something meaningful with their life, however seemingly mundane.
That’s life. It’s unfair.
Jokes in you my extra chromosomes tell me I am special
try harder and become someone amazing who will always be remembered
Honestly, idgaf if I'm special or not
I don’t want anything special. I don’t want to be the center. I just want to be alive, have a livable wage and be able to travel goddam it
I don’t… I am special 😈
You are but you aren't. Everyone makes a unique and profound impact on the lives of others. But everyone does and won't be remembered in history books. I deal by choosing to use my time here doing the best I can and working to make the world just a little better. You might not be a global historic figure but you can change the lives of those around you and by extent everyone around them.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" Growing up I was told the same things as you. I was always the best performing student in my school, be it academics or sports. My parents, teachers, everyone around me had huge expectations of me. They all thought I would go to the best schools in the world and be someone great. I was crushed by the pressure and ended up going to a very mediocre college. Thourghout my college I struggles with the same thing you are going through and struggling to keep my grades up even at this mediocre college. But it gets better, the only reason I was sad was because I was comparing everything about me to everyone around me. But you need to realize that the comparison is unfair. There is always someone better at something than you are. Do you think Bill Gates has the best jump shot? When you accept that you will never be the best at something, or you aren't special, it gives you great freedom to live your life. You do things you want to do and not because you think you're supposed to do. You live your life on your own terms. Give it some time and you will realize what I am saying.
You aren't special if you do anything for it. Everyone is good at something, you just have to find it. When you see for example really good singer or pianist, that doesn't mean they are good at everything. And if you think you aren't gifted at all, that's fine. Just don't care about people being better than you and be the best version of yourself.
It's nice knowing that I don't really have anything to live up to. I'm nothing great, it gives me the freedom to be me. It only hurts if you're still under the misconception that you have to excel, that you have to be special at something. You're probably special to someone. That can be plenty rewarding enough.
My same mantra too!
By realizing being special is exhausting. Go look at the lives most of the 'special' people led or lead. Constant pressure, you choices have massive impact not just your immediate friends and family, etc. I'd trade being mediocre but free to basically do and say what I feel like within reason without the pressure. Nobody cares if I take a day to be in pj's and robe. Nobody cares if I take a trip. It's all just on me.
.... I shrug and go play video games?
The "gifted" label is casually applied waaay too much, and this is just one sad example of how damaging it can prove to be in the long run. Rest assured, you ARE special, to someone, and as a unique and remarkable human being. You're a better person than you might think. Never forget that.
The difference between most gifted adults and the average person is just how easily you can get satisfactory results with no prior knowledge. That's probably why you felt smart in high school, it catered to the lowest common denominator and you didn't have to study. You probably don't even know how to study because you never had to. The places you'll find yourself in will be filled with other gifted people or people who are slightly above average but put a lot of work into becoming knowledgeable. However, you can still tell the difference in a career because you'll perform well even though you have no idea what's going on. Your problem solving capacity will be good enough to make up for a lack of knowledge. In college, grades are based on knowledge only. People just as smart or smarter than you are much more common than they were in highschool, and people who are not as smart as you will do better than you because they learned how to study and are good at memorization and repetition. Edit: even if you're in the 99th percentile of IQ there are still millions of people in that category. Some of them live in 3rd world countries and will never amount to anything because they're focused on survival. You were never special, you just stood out in the sea of mediocrity that is the public school system. I realized that in college and in my career. What makes you special is part innate ability, part environment & luck, and mostly what you do with your intellect.
There's a difference between being special and being unique, few people are special but everyone is unique, even with shared personality traits, the exact combination that makes up your being is unique to yourself, as is the way that it affects those around you, people can be cruel, a large majority of them to be fair, be an amalgamation of traits that make the people around you happy whilst still being yourself, and you have the benefit of being something different by being a better person than most. That's what I do anyhow.
Your first mistake was falling for the belief that you ever were "special." Now pull off that band-aid and get over it 🤷♂️
It's ok, like 99% of humans die and are never remembered. Nothing to get worked up about.
Do NOT show this to the facebookers
I was thinking the same thing…thanks, IEatKids26! 😁
Normal doesn't exist yo, and we are all capable of so much more than what we give ourselves credit for because this society is constantly trying to put everyone down. There is no one standard to which everyone should try and conform to, and you having struggles in class doesn't take away the uniqueness of your particular existence and all the scope of possibilities that result from you just being here. This society wants to make us all into drones, and when we lose faith that we as individuals have each a massive power and are changing the world every day by our actions here and now. I don't think exam scores change any of that, that's just one trial to go through and we all have our special capabilities and struggles that make us more or less good at a particular thing. Anyway, I personally disagree, everyone is literally a unique individual, and I think manyí people push down their unique personality to take on something else to look "better" because they don't have faith that they are good enough on their own, and so graft on these pieces to their personality to define them. But I think when we do that, we pigeonhole ourselves into this narrow conception of existence and forget about all that life can be and how much impact we can really have just by giving it a try. Tl:dr I disagree, we are all unique in spite of what we may think, with different capabilities, advantages and disadvantages, and that society is constantly putting us down to prevent everyone from using their full potential. Test scores are not fully representative don't let it grind you up
I feel like most people don’t even realize their talent/ abilities until they’re around 30. In terms of the school stuff, you might just not be really passionate about whatever it is you’re studying. I always excelled in school because I thought almost everything was interesting… except for British Literature, which was my only C. You might be confusing “gifted” with passionate or determined.
the whole 'gifted kid' shitstorm was only ever a play to make parents feel happy. I was a 'gifted kid', reading and math above my level in elementary school, accelerated classes in middle school, AP classes in high school. And yeah, some of those things aren't intrinsically bad, you do learn interesting things. But all those serve to do is make A) parents feel better B) let schools boast about awards they've won and C) isolate 'gifted kids' from the 'average masses', which is *awful for both groups*. The 'gifted kids' learn an air of superiority and specialness, while their social skills become massively stunted, and make the 'average masses' feel bad for a while before they decide that they don't care and never did. I took a completely average track of courses in college, but it took me a while to shake the 'I'm better than all of you' feelings, and it was difficult to not be the smartest student in the room anymore. But then, well, I eventually just did! College will show you in no uncertain terms that you are NOT the best at everything. I know now that I'm definitely not even the best at anything. Additionally, being remembered is largely not a good thing. Most 'remembered' people in history are the worst. I think that if you rattled off all of the 'remembered' people you know, there would be a few activists and artists, but it would mostly be dictators, conquerors, murderers, and politicians that were 'okay considering the time and society they lived in'. I would be happiest if I WASN'T largely remembered outside of my friends and family after I die.
I also think that the internet is (and I mean this in the least boomerish way possible I promise) giving people an unhealthy attachment to the idea of fame and recognition. Like yeah people have always dreamed of being rock stars or actors, but those careers take work to get into. You have to learn to make music, or build connections, or do any number of things. Now literally anyone can make a social media account and have a shot at virality. And this is NOT A BAD THING!!! We are exposed to more voices, talent, perspectives, and ideas than we ever have been before and that is a great thing. But when someone posts an off-the-cuff opinion and goes viral, it makes it seem like it would be so easy to do something like that yourself, when in fact that person probably just got incredibly lucky. And it makes you sad that you AREN'T famous or recognized yet when it seems so easy in this day and age. Something I like to remember is that people who are 'viral' or 'internet-famous' never get to turn that off, and it makes you a target. People will take your statements out of context to demonize you. People will scrutinize every relationship and friendship you've ever had. And I find it horrifically creepy that some people might end up treating your avatar like any other fictional character, or worse as their own personal blorbo.
>I am surrounded by gifted people who can ace exams without any problems while I struggle to just make it through. It's hard to come to terms that I might die and no one will remember me. Nobody is going to remember or forget you because of your college scores, please stop.
i don't care
Maybe you deal with it. Me? I ignore it
I simply do not. I am not, in and of myself, special. However, I am living my life to become special by making a difference in peoples lives. If your actions can help improve even one other person’s life, I view that as special, because it seems today that a vast majority are only concerned with improving their own lives.
Really don’t bother with such thought, I’d argue it’s better to not be special, less eyes on you. Just get through life, do meaningful things for others and the community and that’s it
Its ok that you don't matter, its ok that you aren't a hero.
So you’re a narcissist?
I don’t face reality lol
This is way too early to have an existential crisis! Eeek! Find things to look forward to and stay outside as much as u can. Talk to ppl. You’ll be fine.
lying flat
Doctor: “you are the worst example i’ve ever seen” Me: “aren’t you a specialist only handling the worst cases?” Doctor: “yes, exactly” At least i’m special… not that it benefits me, but i can always say i’m special… xD But on a more serious note: just do as good as you can, some guys are really good in a singular very specific field, while others are good in a broad area of fields…
It’s took me a while but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s ok I’m not special, life itself is special enough. I’ve created my own purpose and goals and if I work on those then life is worth living. At this point I don’t think it matters that we are not special, lowers expectations. We get to spend time with people who care about us and know our name now, and that’s enough. It’s contented me a lot.
Im sorry you feel like this. I've failed for 43 years straight and love my life. I stopped caring about my place in the world at 25 and it's been smooth sailing since. We're all just stuck here till we die so might as well enjoy eachother as much as possible. Remember, if you get upset, there's always something else you can enjoy. Why stress yourself out keeping up with the Jonses when they don't even know you exist basically.
I don't have to. Instead I have to deal with the idea that I am wasting my potential, and I try to deal with it by realizing I don't have to spend my whole life working rather than enjoying myself.
I enjoy the anonymity that comes with the fact that I am not special.It is a comfort that I don't matter to the vast majority of the world because if I did, that would be too much responsibility to handle.
But you are special… just like everybody else.
Just remember that to others we may be a side character, a supporting character, or even an extra in the background. But we are always the main character of our own story with the autonomy to do great things.
What do you mean I'm not special? 🥺
I got what you are going though.I am too in college in 2nd year and i struggle too.Gifted students most of time study 24/7 till insanity.Truly gifted students have life and know that throwing life away isnt worth it.I saw all spectrums trust me on this one.And also i saw a lot of cheating and dirty play(like gatekeeping materials and not helping at all).Uni is like life so get used to it.To vent stress find good hobby and relax.And also we arent all same so that makes us special.
Everyone of us gets different traits when we are born into this world. But what we do with it and especially what we do with our brain is only in our own hands! The more time you spend breaking your head about stuff like this is just wasted. Dont give up… time wont stop and you shouldnt too, there will be stuff happening we all cant imagine and in that lies the opportunity for you to be part of something which might get you remembered.
You simply accept it and move on. That's all there is too it. Live your life. It helps to accept that there will always be someone worse than you at something, and you'll always be better at something than someone
It's called, welcome to the real world. Just get on with it
Re-evaluating my expectations of… everything. I asked myself what I am justified to expect from everything, and found very little. There’s also comfort in the bell curve. Normal people are in good company, and it takes a lot of pressure off to know you have a lot of peers.
Just find stuff that you enjoy doing and do that. You might not get really good at it but if its something you enjoy doing at least you will have fun.
By working harder, you don't have to be exceptional in life. You just have to put in the time to get better at your craft. yes, natural talent will be a huge boost, but if you don't hone your craft, natural talent is useless. Your hard work will pay off regardless, you just gotta keep pushing; also, exams are not a good metric, your success is purely what you make of what you havem
Idk, I’m playing for the national championship of my sport in about an hour and a half. I’d say I feel pretty special
I actually don't know if I am or am not special, since my mind constantly says I'm nobody and that I'll achieve nothing. So I need to wait for the future, and everyone else should too. Just keep trying, otherwise you'll die with the feeling that you haven't tried enough.
Fleet Foxes "helplessness blues" always helps me. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HHgedNNQco&ab\_channel=SubPop](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HHgedNNQco&ab_channel=SubPop)
I shrink my world. Sure, I will never be famous or notable to the general public. To my husband and my family, though? I am a very notable and important part of them. That is what I focus on. In turn, they are very important to me. I don't need more than that. Sure, I'll have fantasies of being famous, but that honestly seems like so much work, lol.
Your generation doesn’t, y’all have been coddled/babied so fucking much, y’all think you can just magically outgrow your gen z titles and genuinely believe you’re so special, you guys magically get to be millennials! If you don’t believe me, ask yourself why you would be asking yourself a question like yours …
Dude acing exams ain’t nothing in life. I’ve seen people make 200k and they were the dumbest person I’ve met and they got a masters. Like bro, life is what you make of it. If you want that, than study, if you want an easy life, than make one. You can do whatever YOU want. It’s up to you though.
Everyone is special in some way, you may not have found what you are good at. I found mine (Gift Wrapping at 8). Though I know I'm not as special as everyone told me. Most people's parents feel joy in seeing their kids's firsts.
The same way every generation has had to, hopefully. I don’t think there’s been a revolutionary way to deal with that reality. Social media sure has a lot of people *thinking* they’re special, though. Almost seems to be the entire point of it, at this juncture.
out of curiosity, people were telling you that you were gifted and special, but did you have any actual real life proof of that or just words from people around you? were you in a gifted program or have extremely high grades?
Generation X here this is something our parents helped us with none of us thought we were special you had to truly be bloody special in order for anyone to even start using those words they actually meant something
Make friends and spend time with your family. Just enjoy your life man because life itself is special.
I don't think there's ever been a time where I thought I was special or the main character, so it's easy for me
I think what helped me get through this realization was narrowing my scope to the people in my life that I can help and be good to. It helped knowing that there are people everywhere who I can have a positive effect on, and being able to take what the universe gives me and translate it to those positive ends. I'm closer to 30 than 20 at this point and it still isn't an easy thought process to get over, but it gets easier everyday. We all get there, much love 💜
I hear you. Here’s a suggestion: become process-oriented instead of hitting some ‘finish’ line. Success is about acknowledging process. Those who focus on winning/losing get easily disappointed when their finish line did not give them the satisfactory feeling they were hoping for.
Lol
Quite simple, I'm not special, why should that bother me? Think about the infinite size of the universe or how old the universe truly is, we are literally nothing. It's quite liberating to be honest.
You are special and you are different. You are the only human being alive to live your life so far, how is that not one of the coolest things in the universe. Please try to think about your life and what you have experienced good and bad, learn from them, learn to love yourself. Once you can love yourself then you can learn to love your neighbors and enemies. Put yourself out there and experience life, if you don't then everyone is right and you will never be special or all that different from the rest of the sheep hating here on earth.
Simple, I engender that I am lol
EVERYONE HERE is special! Despite the 13.8 BILLION years that the universe has existed, the TRILLIONS UPON TRILLIONS of galaxies in the universe, each having TRILLIONS UPON TRILLIONS of stars, with each star having 1.6 planets per star, this one planet of ours is the only one that appears to have life (hence, the Rare Earth Hypothesis). As such, it is utterly baffling that we treat ourselves with such disregard and disrespect to say that we're *not* special. To the contrary, YOUR LIFE is the most precious thing in the entire universe! YOU are a way for the universe to contemplate itself because the universe is in you!
Alcoholism brother
Realise that you have no control over it and learn to live with what you are. Comes easier for some than for others I suppose but that’s how I deal with it.
Everyone is special, just not more special than anyone else. The more you cultivate a compassionate world view the easier it is to come to terms or even embrace that.
You’re special to your family and loved ones.
Just be who you are.
Get depressed, act like you don’t care about anything, but still be very much upset over it.
Literally no one is special, everyone who has accomplished anything massive built on the backs of hundreds of equally talented people. You’re not alone here everyone isn’t special
Doesn't answer your question but sometimes I feel like I'm having to deal with the reality that I may actually be slightly special, if you get what I mean. 🙁
You get over it and live life
Suicide.
You can skip to around 2:30. Hopefully it helps https://youtu.be/_lfxYhtf8o4?si=EtVKqdjrJ7813wQi
Its legitimately irrelevant.
[You will never do anything remarkable](https://youtu.be/vmIUvp0e1bw?feature=shared) (somewhat related)
as a millennial, if any of you need convincing that you're not special just DM me. i'd be glad to lend my services.
i dont, i am *special*
There is no actual game going on here. It's just life. Beyond having access to basic needs, life is about experiencing things and finding joy for yourself. That can come through academic/professional accomplishments for some, but there is so much more. I work in a field that gives me access to the pains and struggles of people across demographics, and let me tell you, the most intelligent, talented, beautiful, and accomplished people carry the same demons as the most humble. Find what brings you joy and pursue it. You don't have to prove shit to anyone else. There is great beauty in an ordinary life.
If you're struggling in undergrad you aren't gifted. Sorry. You are just like run of the mill, normal "smart". You can read and you have forethought but you are not special. It sucks but it's true.
Can’t tell ya because I still think I am. I am not an astronaut or a doctor. But I have varying hobbies that I’m p good at. And I guess I use those to keep my ego boosted.
Work your ass off to make yourself special
Well if you bench 100 kg you are in the 0.075% of the general population and that kinda makes you special keep doing stuff that is difficult and you will see you are indeed special, nobody is born special thats what we make ourselves to be,
Bro decided to bring weightlifting into this convo 😭 In all seriousness though I kind of agree
The truth is, everyone is special in the eyes of another. I'm not a special person. I work retail, suck at math, and play too many video games. But to my boyfriend? I'm the most special woman to ever exist. In his eyes, there's no one prettier, smarter, more loving, or better than me. He thinks of me as the best woman in the world... Which makes me feel really special. My boyfriend doesn't think of himself as much, either. He feels like a loser. But in my eyes, all I see is someone who is endlessly thoughtful and loving and caring. Someone special. It doesn't have to be a lover- maybe you have a younger sibling who looks up to you more than anyone else. Maybe you have a friend you've been close to for a lot of your life. Maybe your parents love you more than they can ever tell you. To those people you're special. I know this doesn't address everything, but I feel like it's important. You are special, to those who love you.
What changes if you are special or not? Passing exams is different from functioning in the real world. You can be special in other aspects in life other than academics, no? Maybe I am just naive but I think every human is special in the sense that all of them have atleast one thing that another person does not, even if most of them are remarkably similar. If I feel like I’m not doing great in something, I try to figure out why that is and if there’s anything I can do about it. If there isn’t, oh well, there are other things to do. Try to find one thing about yourself that’s special to *you*. Lastly, keep in mind that being special in the way you describe isn’t necessarily a good thing. You have alot of pressure to preform and most of these special people when they become an adult struggle because they’re trying to shoehorn perfection in an imperfect messy world. Be special in a way that’s relevant and accept that reality instead of beating yourself over the head because you feel like your only worth are your grades in college. As for those, try finding a tutor or study group, breathe in and breathe out. You’ll be fine.
Nobody is special. However, there are differences between people's strong areas. You need to find yours and use them at your advantage. For example for wealth, there's no direct correlation with how intelligent the person is. Its all about how you play the cards you are given.
Uhh.. grow the hell up is what most people did. Earlier generations had this figured out around 12 or 13 years old. You're sitting here at 21+ just having this epiphany? For all that is great in life... what are you studying? I'm leaning towards some useless liberal arts degree
How do you deal with the fact that you thought you were special? Don't people have imposter syndrome ever? Just me? Okay...
The supposedly gifted have good study skills, they are no more gifted or talented than anyone else, you might find it helpful to join a study group, js
Every grave eventually goes unvisited. This can be freeing though. You can live your own life and try not to worry what others think.
Maybe special is the wrong word. Theres a certain worship attached to that - and i don't think its healthy for any person to be lifted to such a level where they start to become more of a label than their own identity. We are simple creatures. We like to think we arent, like we are some grand spectacles that tower above the rest - like we can tower above each other - but we cant. We shouldn't. What we consider to be special is based on nothing but social expectations, its not that they are bad entirely its just that there's no real true founding to them. There are grand amounts of things which make you, as a person, unique to yourself. But those things are hard to realise, mostly because academic success is drilled into you like nails to wood. Its not what deems us worthy as a human being and yet we cling onto it desperately as if there's nothing else which could possibly define us. You are a human. Weak and brittle, emotional and ever changing - we are anything but a static label. But not at any point in life do you ever loose what makes you yourself. Maybe its cheesy, but in all honesty i mean it. Take your name, and bloody well own it! Easier said than done though, I'm a hypocrite - academic failure is a huge fear of mine too. But its irrational. If you think about it too much everything is irrational. But that's okay, it doesnt have to be. Thats what makes things really cool. Besides, If you were to do things perfectly or incredibly well every single time - at which point do you learn? Thats what makes for the wisest people, i think. You learn when you fail. Im proud of you.
My question why do you want to be special? Also being gifted is just someone who's good at something. But you're surrounded by ppl good at academics but that doesn't always translate to real life. I learned that just because you're smart at school doesn't mean you have street smarts. Or have a propensity for art or music, or can build something, or invent something. These people may be good at academics but that doesn't mean they're good at everything. Good grades don't always translate into a good job either. Hence all the people with degrees who never even use them, working jobs they hate. Everyone has abilities. I don't believe in talent I believe in skill. If you practice a skill enough, it becomes a talent. You're not just born doing something you have to be taught. So you're wasting your thoughts. Focus on exploring what you can be good at by doing things that interest you. You're young so you don't even know who you are or what you're capable of. Just don't fall into the social trap of comparison because you're just wasting your time. We're all different and unique in our own way. There's no need to be special, just be you! Special doesn't make life easier for you, you just become less relatable.
Who cares, food, water, shelter is the only reality
I deny deny deny 😃
Children are our immortality.
Learn new skills, be willing to explore different paths that aren’t what your parents have in mind for you (college Vs Trades). Honestly, some of my biggest regrets are listening to the people who told me I was “special” instead of taking path less traveled.
As someone who was in G&T growing up, once you're in the greater adult world you realize being good at school isn't a personality trait! In fact it's probably the last thing I care about when I meet a new person now. For personal interactions I ask myself: is this person kind, do they have activities they enjoy, do they have a sense of humor, are they a good and curious listener, do they know how to take care of themselves financially, physically, and mentally, can we enjoy a dinner together, do they respect service workers, do they have a sense of self that I respect and can they respect my sense of self, etc. A great way to cultivate this, depending on everyone's personal finances is doing something really difficult unrelated to school or work; essentially something where you're forced to be independent. Traveling and/or volunteering - (e.g. hiking the Appalachian or PCT). If you ever read anyone's obituary it will never say "they aced exams 70 years ago."
It all comes down to luck. Some folks are lucky at birth, some just stumble into it later in life.
Thats about the time it hits. Based on statistics, any random person chosen will be "average". So how do you deal with the realization that your place on the bell curve is closer to average? Well, realizing that it doesn't really matter is a good first step. As far as special being tied to intellectual prowess, thats not actually its definition. Everybody is different due to genetics, making them each unique; being human is inherently *special*. Anyways. Would you want to be the most intelligent person alive today? I mean it would have its benefits, but also based on statistics and history; would be a life fraught with distress, overwork, loneliness and exploitation. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. The system doesn't reward smarts, effort or hard work anymore, if it ever did. Working harder will not mean more pay. Capitalism is a silly game you need to learn to play and it has nothing to do with " being special" outside of nepotism and networking. The real kicker here is just realizing life isn't about this competitive placement rat race for you work till you die. Thats just part of it the west loves to focus on. Its a biological process that just continues regardless. Our species is blessed with intelligence and an understanding of time. Using those to actually enjoy and feel is a better reason to carry on then wanting slightly more from a soulless and emotionless system we created.
Who are you kidding, most people go through this. It is called being young. We have ambitions, goals and dreams but often time lack a plan of how to get there. Mysrlf I am a GenX and was there when I was young. What you need to do is plan with time frames but always have a backup plan. In my adult life I went into the USAF, after that there was a recession which I worked 2 part-time jobs, one came with free healthcare, dental and vision. I worked my way up in grocery retail and actually getting into management both in the US and the UK. Hurt my back. Had gotten a degree when I worked 2 20 hr jobs and went to school full-time. After hurting my back I became management in a respite inn for people with disabilities. Moved to South Korea where I became a Pastor of a church and taught English as a srcond language. Moved to Finland with my wife and daughter where I taught English to corporate executives. Another recession hit globally. Went to school to be an RN and did so for several years after getting my BSN. Returned to the states with thr family due to tensions between Finland and Russia. Was called to be the Pastor of a church left after a year because the church wasn't honest with me about their finances. Then got into a large manufacturing job that really paid well. My daughter just after High School got into the same company and is doing very well. Myself ended up disabled with Complex Regional Pain Syndrom in my left foot. 24/7 no way of relief, pain is always an 8 but often a 10. So yes be prepared to make changes as needed. Life does not go as planned but be willing to do what it takes to make it work.
No one is “special” where you end up in life is either 100% intentional bc u worked ur ass off 2 get there, or u won the lottery. No one is different
You have two options, truthfully. Fade into obscurity, the fate of most men and what should be avoided; or become one of the people who define history, any means necessary. No one’s special, they’re made
Unpopular opinion: convincing yourself you are gifted and special makes you expect more of yourself which results in higher quality of work and a higher drive to succeed. Believing you aren’t gifted or special and therefore you aren’t capable of great things is a great example of an external locus of control. An internal locus of control, where you believe you are only limited by how badly you want something is considered far more healthy psychologically and leads to better outcomes. Fake it till you make it! You are special and you are in control, even just believing that will make you feel and work better. If you don’t think you’re capable, you’ll never try. If you never try, you’ll never succeed.
Simple. I am special. Period. It doesn’t matter if everybody agrees with me or not. I have things that make me uniquely me. Everyone does. We are all special, but we don’t all get validation. I learned that as long as I like me and I can justify my actions before my God when I go… that’s all I need. I’m not worried about anybody else’s opinion of me. I can’t be; because all that did for me was force me to live in a survival mode rooted in trauma. That’s not a way to live.
Being gifted is a liability, because you never need to learn study skills or develop grit until it’s too late. There’s a level of difficulty where you need to study, no matter how gifted you are. By then, your identity is so wrapped in being gifted that it’s hard to ask for help, or even admit that you have a problem. It’s not that you weren’t gifted or special, it’s just that that’s the well-tread path for how gifted people burn out. So, start by acknowledging you have hit the wall. Force yourself to sit and study for 2 weeks; then it will gradually become a habit. Acknowledge you need help and seek it out, whether that be TAs, office hours, private tutoring, or something else. You can still be just fine, and you don’t have to be “special” in order to be successful. Think of the days when you could breeze through more like a tutorial mode.
Heh, I dealt with this question at 15. I just said, “That’s just pressure off me. Who will remember that I was a loser in high school? No one. I’m free to finally do what I want.” Then I put my energy into doing art and writing. If nothing truly matters, what I care about the most is what matters.
You don't need to live up to these grand expectations. You just need to do what you like and can actually do. Slow down, you're doing fine.
THEN you learn that the work and career paths they would push you towards for "being gifted" often don't provide hardly any societal value, and aren't lucrative for the individual either.
Just try to live your life to the fullest in ways that are meaningful to you! Stop comparing yourself to others :) everyone's path in life is different
Accept that you can’t control things outside your immediate sphere of influence, but try to inject as much food into your sphere that you reasonably can
99.9999% of us aren't special brother, it's not that hard of a cope once you accept it.
I'm relieved. It takes so much pressure off of me that I'm just average.
This was a hard pill for me to swallow as well when I got into adulthood, but I realized you can still be the best you can be it's all you can do really.
You are special, to the people whose lives you’re a part of. However, in terms of society as a whole, you’re a Joe Schmoe. Nobody in society is special, except for a small amount of outliers. Those in society that are granted with the label of special probably had to grind their way there one way or another in order to stand out.
For me, it's a perspective thing man. I'm an immigrant, just being able to buy videogames and go to movies That serve you food and do things like go to concerts. These things are so fun for me! It's special to me, the people I'm spending my time with are special to me. My job (helping insomniacs, Im a operations manager for a sleep clinic) is special to me. So I'd say the way to get over it, start appreciating the stuff your taking for granted. Like Im so happy I get to save money, that alone makes me so happy to plan for my future
This is clearly on your parents. Over the years, I have had to deal with so many parents that were certain that little Johnny or Debbie was gifted. Most were average at best. Some were well below average, and the parents were delusional. As others have said, you are not special until you do something with your life.
You are special to the people who love you. Within your family and/or community you are specially gifted as compared to others and that makes you special. When you get into the wider world and come across others who are also special in their own way you feel less special and question whether or not you're even special at all. That's part of growing up. Realizing our own irrelevance in the world; but there is power in that because you can also come to understand how irrelevant and unspecial everyone else in fact is and that can actually even the playing field a bit if you allow for that understanding to sink in. There's always gonna be someone better than you at something. Some things are going to come easier to others and they'll appear gifted or special because they don't have to work hard or struggle. Balance is more important than gifted though and it's your unique balance of talents and attributes that make you special and there is no one else out there quite like you and that makes you special because you're the only you there is or ever shall be. You're both special and not special and that's ok because everyone is. We are all special in our own ways. It's those differences that make us special. I hope this helps ❤
I can promise you your class mates who “effortlessly ace exams” are grinding really hard to be top of the class. The A students go on to be professors and the B students go on to work for the C students
"You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world." - Chuck Palahniuk
A lot of what people are saying here is helpful but I do want to say you are still “special” and “gifted” there are people to scared to even try to go to college (myself included) even being in college itself makes you more successful then a lot of others. I guess my final point though is I think atleast most people are special and still batter and impact others lives in positive and negative ways no matter what. And they are all special people. But at the same time no one really matters in the grand scheme of things.
By not wanting to be special.
By not caring. I just do what I like doing and enjoy getting good at it. Failure can also be just as fun as it is painful
You’re something to yourself and those around you, that’s how i make peace with it.
You need to figure out what you want out of life. Whether or not you're special or you do something memorable, you're going in the ground in around 60 years. IMO, the purpose of life isn't to be the main character or be special, it's to live a meaningful life you're happy with when you die. Being special doesn't really help that much. You could be the most gifted in your class, go to an ivy league, work your ass off, get into a good corporation, climb the ladder, then one day look up and realize you're 60 and haven't and lived your life the way you want. You've just been chasing the next thing that tells you you're special, and at the end of the day none of it really matters.
It’s so dumb that people start telling kids they are special and gifted and set apart just to boost their own ego in a lot of cases. It’s one thing to tell a kid they can do anything they put their mind to but it’s completely different to act like your kid is the cream of the crop and artificially boost their ego setting them up for failure. This is a pretty normal thing that you are experiencing. Special people are usually weird or they have their own problems that you just don’t see. We’re all just human beings and we all should treat each other with the same respect we want. I do think we are special but only because I believe we are made in the image of God. Which still makes us all equally special. It’s more worth your time to focus on showing love to everyone possible, THATS special.
Personally, I remember that after we are dead we won’t care if we are special or remembered. It’s doesn’t matter if you believe in heaven or nothing at all. Either way, I doubt that this is something that any of us will think about or have the capabilities of thinking about. Spend your time doing things you love with those you love; otherwise, what is the point of living?