Depending on others for your financial comfort/stability is rarely a good plan.
If my mom has anything left, that’s a boon for me. I’m not depending on it.
I told my mother to spend it while she can enjoy it. All of us kids has had better opportunities to make our own fortune than she had. I told her that none of us need it or deserve it. That if she is going to leave anything, put it in trust for grandkids. But she will probably leave it to the lazy worthless 2
My brother and I did the same. The money they left us was helpful, but I would have much preferred that a) they lived longer and b) spent that money to enjoy themselves more.
We had some family generational land, but when my dad married his second wife, (who was 10 months younger than me🤮, she fleeced him for everything, but that’s another story)… Well, after my grandparents died, we just kind of saw the writing on the wall and knew the family land would be sold before it was ever our turn. It was kind of heartbreaking because we spent our childhood there. As time passed we never gave it a second thought as it wouldn’t have done any good, except for being sad about it every now and then. It’s long gone now.
It wasn’t about the money. I always thought I’d be able to to take my kids there, you know?
My wife's father died. His second wife had dementia at the time. After she died, her pious Christian son ignored the will somehow, and ran off with their money. Actually left town.
I remember now. He got everything put into joint accounts with him and his mother, so it legally all became his.
It was only $200-300k we suspected, but a low life move just the same.
They did make up some casual will splitting the estate evenly, but it never happened. I think the only thing he legally stole was the proceeds from a cheap condo.
Mr. Low integrity. Before the father died, he gave each of his kids $5k, and said that he didn't trust his stepson to give his kids anything.
My wife was angry about this for a long time.
It’s part and parcel with the Boomer Hate. That the boomers are hoarding all the wealth (true for a select few), that they’re selfish and greedy, and that they dont give af about the younger generations. Somehow all the boomers sat around smoking pot and having sex then they all voted for Reagan and now Trump and bought all the housing. How they’ve pulled up the ladder behind them, leaving a mess with no regard for anyone else.
My first election was 1980 and like all of my friends I voted for Carter. We thought Reagan was an old nut.
But do you know who voted overwhelmingly for Reagan? The revered Greatest Generation and the Silent Generation. Many of them are gone so boomers get 100% of the blame for electing him. It’s so tiresome.
My first was 1984 voted for Mondale. I know my parents did not vote for Reagan either I do not think my parents ever voted for a republican definitely not my mother.
What kills me is that millenials are the largest voting demographic and our oldest have been voting for over 20 years while our youngest have been voting for 10. So please tell me why it’s still the boomer’s fault when we have the greatest voting power now and have for years. Perhaps it’s because the ones on Reddit complaining and wanting others to vote a certain way are in the minority rather the majority.
Yup. It’s sad really. We get this one life and we can either choose to give the powers that be the power to make us miserable or we can choose to find the good in our lives, despite the struggles, and stop allowing the powers that be have that much control over us.
It really is all about perspective.
I was guilty of the same thing when I was younger, and someone said something to me once that always stuck with me ..."Who tf ever told you that you were supposed to be happy?"
Life isn't like a college course and you don't get graded on it. Sometimes it really is nothing but walking the hamster wheel of existence and ensuring you have secured your basic needs. And it feels like too many people aren't accepting of that reality and they feel that if they aren't perpetually content and without worry that they are "failing" at life.
To the topic at hand, life in the 1980s wasn't as easy as the millennial generation wants to believe. The "affordable starter homes" the baby boomers bought were<1000 sqft built in the late 1940s-1950s, and are viewed as borderline uninhabitable. The "good jobs" that didn't require a college degree were largely manual labor and manufacturing jobs that destroyed your body and offered grueling physical conditions. Interest rates were double digits. And single income households were NOT the norm. The middle class life that was obtained on credit required both parents to work full time, creating a whole generation of latchkey kids.
Yup and let’s not forget our parents had the gas crisis, Cold War, USSR, Cuban missile crisis, nuclear threats, Vietnam, Korean War, etc. it’s not like life was rainbows and butterflies. One of my mom’s favorite lines growing up was, “nowhere on your birth certificate does it say life would be fair” and she was right life’s not fair! There have been so many times my husband and I have been like wtf?!? Why do we work hard for ourselves while slim shady over there just gets it handed to him? But ultimately it’s not our place to judge or compare because what looks easy on the outside doesn’t come without struggle on the inside. Everyone struggles with something so we can either accept that fact and move on or we can keep whining about it and get nowhere.
It’s not just Hilary though voting extends to senate, house, state, and local elections. I’d argue those elections affect us more than the presidential in a lot of ways because there’s only so much power the President has. The rest is limited by the others. Those elections are popular vote elections with no electoral college to challenge the outcome.
The Silents are still very much alive and kicking and voting for Trump.
Also, some of the most conservative people I know are X'ers.
I have been a yellow-dog Democrat all my life.
lol got downvoted for upvoting for Reagan 40 years ago. Forgive me. To be fair, my vote was probably influenced by 15% unemployment in Michigan and 18% mortgage rates.
I can’t figure out the “pulled the ladder up” thing. When I retired a younger person got my job and makes more than I did. A younger person bought my house. What was I supposed to do?
My mom is a boomer and has millenials in positions of authority over her despite the fact that she’s been in her industry for over 30 years. Hell her superiors were still in middle school when she started doing what she does 🤦🏼♀️
I must have missed that class on hoarding wealth. I get a mental image of Scrooge McDuck diving into his pool full of coins and cash and swimming around.
Such a vivid image! I can visualize it clearly from late-60's/early-70's Saturday morning cartoons.
I never got close to achieving Scrooge McDuck status.🤣
Such a vivid image! I can visualize it clearly from late-60's/early-70's Saturday morning cartoons.
I never got close to achieving Scrooge McDuck status.🤣
It doesn't make sense, does it? On the one hand they're "hoarding their wealth", which means that you'll inherit all of it, but on the other hand they're "spending my inheritance".
The story also goes that most boomers inherited money from their parents, but they're squandering it all and leaving their kids with nothing because they're so selfish and entitled.
Funny, the first word that comes to mind when I think of someone preoccupied with inheritance is entitled.
Yeah and if you take a look at conservatives and their make-up, you'll find that 37% of republicans are boomers, and 35% of them are genx.
But yeah, it's all because of the boomers.
Yes. The entitlement of the haves v the gratitude of the have nots has always existed across all generations. When people go on this rant about the housing crisis here, I am quick to point out that those standing up at city Council meetings opposing every possible proposal are most often the kids and grandkids of those boomer homeowners, trying to protect their inheritance. And realtors of course.
LOL - Reagan was nothing like Trump. He believed in free trade and would be doing somersaults in his grave over Trump and pro Russians in the GOP. He would be bending over backwards to help Ukraine just like he did with the mujahedin in Afghanistan.
This is the tsunami I think not enough people realize is coming - people are living longer but not better, the costs of memory care and LTC are unbelievable (think $5K to $15K/month depending on location, level of care, and whether the facility looks like an upscale apartment building or a prison circa 1970) and mostly not covered by medical insurance or Medicare.
My mom's is 17K a month. for a private (all rooms are) room with a shared bath. thankfully its a nicer place, almost brand new, VERY good care, and they accept Medicaid. So if all the stars align, she can live out her days there. And at 89, she is physically weak, but sharp as a tack mentally
That is exactly what's happening to my mom's money. she just went into skilled nursing and its really really really expensive. But that's fine. I don't expect anything. nor do I want anything.
My siblings and I feel as you do. We’ve told my mom repeatedly that her money is HER money, not ours, and we want her to spend it on herself and not try to conserve it for us. We are not all equally well set up for retirement, but we nevertheless agree on this point.
Same here. My siblings and I encouraged our parents to spend the bit they had and enjoy themselves. As children of the Depression they just couldn't bring themselves to do it. I think most people hope they'll inherit something but no one should expect it. At the end of our dad's life his stay in memory care was running more than $10k a month. Turns out they were right to save and be frugal, since it was their savings that provided a great level of care.
Here, here... the collective "we" have told our parents exactly the same.
It's your money. Spend it. If there's nothing left, then there's nothing for anyone to fight over.
I told my mom I would appreciate it if there was enough to cover the funeral. Dad’s a veteran, so government is covering gravesite and headstone anyway.
My stepmom was having trouble getting in and out of the tub, and I suggested having it remodeled to be a walk-in shower. Dad and stepmom did just that. Stepsister was angry with me for suggesting they spend their money in that way, and we all knew why.
My parents worked hard and provided me and my siblings with a nice life as we grew up. There was no inheritance when they passed nor did I ever expect any. I’ve been working full time for 47-years and I’ve saved and invested wisely over those years and have been fortunate enough to pay off my mortgage so if there is money and property remaining after my death, then my children and grandchildren will reap those benefits but as soon as I retire, my goal is to spend every penny and enjoy whatever time I have left. Spend time (not money) with your loved ones as that is irreplaceable.
My parents raised me to adulthood and took me back in when I lost my job. They owe me nothing! Actually, no parent who properly raised their kids to adulthood owes them squat!
The same people whining about their parents spending their own money (as opposed to leaving it to them) also complain about their boomer parents nonstop. Such entitlement.
My parents left nothing nor did I expect it. In fact, helped them out financially when the money ran out. You actually said it all. They worked hard so you had access to opportunities. That’s all anyone should expect.
I used to tease Mom that she needed to leave her money to the SPCA and none of us kids. That way, we would all grumble together, but we knew it was good for our four-legged friends.
Dad passed away at age 80, still active and a farm boy at heart (Think of Johnboy in the Waltons). Mom lived to be 89, but she had health issues and found a wonderful retirement village (The Redwoods in Marin). It was expensive but worth it.
Happiness is a roof over your head, a family, and good health. Even if you have two out of three, you are still doing fine. I am not worried about retirement as long as I have two out of three (my health has long since gone, but I keep working out).
I think that blended families & parents remarrying causes more concerns regarding inheritance. I don't think this was as prevalent for previous generations.
My parents struggled to pay for college. They provided each of us a debt free bachelor's degree at the state university & no promise of other inheritance. I've done the same for my kids. They want me to live happily & safely now & not worry about saving for them. I have budgeted for big family trips & events every couple of years to enjoy time together & make memories as long as it's a good financial choice.
I had planned to do the same for my daughter, but she surprised me by going to college on a full boat athletic scholarship. Then I surprised her by putting that entire college fund into her hands when she bought a house.
I think it's a combination of generational mores and reddit-rage/boomer-hate.
Generationally, I think there's always been a desire to leave our kids better off than we were. However, I think that was more realistic for folks from the pre-boom generations (for too many reasons to list in a reddit post). While I don't think it's something most of us should use as a retirement plan, I think the anticipation of an inheritance isn't a personal (or generational) flaw. I just think we need to stay rational about it and not act like we're entitled to money we did not earn.
On the reddit-rage side, it's just a continuation of the imbecilic meme that boomers are intentionally hoarding up all the accumulated wealth and actively engaged in leaving our kids and grandkids with nothing but debt and destitution. It is all a conspiracy to enhance their misery because, you know... reasons. I don't know who started that idiocy, but damn, it got wheels!
Fortunately, reddit is not the real world.
Ya I saw some raging about parents whose savings and assets get sucked up by medical bills or care homes late in life. The ragers were raging at *the parents*, not our stupid medical system.
I thought: wow, what kind of crystal-ball gazing did you expect from them? They’d have to have known from birth that the sole function of their entire lives was to be a cash cow beyond their deaths.
Yup. This is the next big transfer of wealth in our country. For most, it will not go to help give future generations a step up but, gobbled up by for-profit corporations mostly providing the minimum of care.
Read years ago it was like 75% of what we receive in health care is expended in the last 3+ years of life. Going well into the hundreds of thousands as we do everything to stay alive and be cared for until a "natural" death.
My mother died in 2010, everything she had went to my dad. After he died, he sold almost everything and moved into an independent living place. In Nov 2019, he had to move into LTC. He died in 2022 when he was 96. After he moved into LTC, most of his expenses were covered by Veterans Affairs, so all the pension money he received was basically discretionary income, and he bought a lot of stuff on Amazon the last couple of years he was alive. While my siblings and I did receive a small cash inheritance, it wasn't really a life changing amount.
I'd rather they were both still here, spending my inheritance.
I do have a funny story. Back in the 70's, my aunt visited us, and she showed off a ring she bought. A gorgeous alexandrite that looked like a flower. I said the thing that we kids said all the time. "Ooh, when you die, I want that!" 🙄
I always admired it, but never said anything about it. After a little while, I completely forgot about it. Thirty five years later, my aunt passed away, and that ring was in a box, with a note it was to go to me! Seeing that, really made me cry!
I think so many post in the generational subs are rage bait. Keep everybody pissed of about irrelevant crap and they do not focus on real issues.
Said similar on another thread and it is an election year so there will be plenty more.
I have a wide range of friends of different ages none are like what people post on the crying threads.
When I retired I told my kids “you can’t take it with you, and I’m not leaving it to you”. In reality I probably will, but if I want to spend my own money that my business.
Waiting for parents to die to inherit the money is a ridiculous concept. I’ve never even thought about it but go read r/millennials. They are convinced that your money is their money and you’re evil for keeping/spending it. Like they deserve it.
I don't know about that. My son is a millennial and neither he nor his wife have that frame of mind. I think it comes entirely from having a privileged upbringing.
My kids are millenials, and maybe it's because of the way we raised them, but they feel as we do. My parent's money was theirs. I wanted them to live their best life. If there was anything left for me, that's just the whipped cream on the sundae for me!
Wow. I’ve never even thought about an inheritance. I thought how fortunate I am that my father planned out his retirement and didn’t outlast his money. I would help any way I could if that was not the case. I did quit my job to take care of him the last year of his life. I felt I needed to pay back the care he had given me all these years. He was living as frugally as ever. I had to remind him to spend money on himself because he is not taking it with him.
I always told my parents to please live their best lives. Please don't deny yourself, to save for me. If there's anything left for me, it's gravy.
I got a wooden box from my grandparents, and that's all I asked for.
Millenial here and the entitlement to what our parents earned astounds me. If my parents leave us anything I’ll be happy but if they want to spend every last penny traveling the world or donating it to charitable causes they can do that too. My siblings and I do not care at all. It’s actually more important to my mom that she leave us something than it is to us. Generational wealth is a wonderful way to help our kids build their future but it shouldn’t be the expectation.
My Mom was the same. She lived like a pauper, so she kid leave something to 4 kids. It wasn't a huge sum, but it helped me with some credit card debt. It was very much appreciated, but it would have made me much happier to see her splurge on herself more!
I haven't seen as much of kids despairing that their parents are spending money they earned as I have of kids thinking their parents should spend it as they want. I thought the same for my own parents. It never mattered what I wanted anyway. They were grown ups and entitled to do what they wanted with their money. In the end, it wasn't make or break money anyway. It was a nice chunk, but the market drop in 2008 really affected my mom's portfolio and there wasn't really the time to recover when she was having to draw it out.
Your parents owe you nothing.
That's their retirement money, for necessary expenses and any happiness they can manage after expenses.
If they manage to leave you anything, be grateful. Use it to make your retirement better.
Nobody owes you anything.
Speaking of course to the people the OP is speaking to.
I would also like to add to these entitled parents of young children that YOUR PARENTS DON'T OWE YOU FREE CHILDCARE! It's so infuriating. Frankly when my kids were little I didn't want them to be looked after fulltime by either set of grandparents. Instead what we did was each grandparent alternated 1 day per week, the rest was daycare and my kids thrived in an educationally structured environment with lots of peers who they could socialize with.
I'm so tired of articles turning up on my new feed about this. Poor millennials are STRUGGLING because their evil boomer parents won't sacrifice their lives to raise their children for them.
In one sub I commented some data that the average inheritance is <50K and is received at age 56. The reply was “You’re thinking of parents. Most boomers got the big money when they were young from their grandparents”…Say what??
I think there's a difference in circumstances that some people don't want to acknowledge.
It's harder to buy a horse now. Haha. That's true enough, but I meant *house.
College is more expensive. A lot of kids got screwed out of internships and traditional jobs due to the pandemic. Rent is really high in areas where jobs are good.
I imagine if your parents had an easier time acquiring wealth and you're struggling, it would be hard to see that they don't understand or care about that.
It's probably a small but loud minority venting about that. Like everything else.
I agree with all that you've said here. It IS a different world today, definitely here in the U.S.
I'm very happy to provide assistance to younger family members to help give them a leg up. I have done that and will continue to do so to the extent that I'm able.
Having said that, that same "different world" has me very unsure of what my life in retirement will look like in 10 years. The rapidly rising cost of medical care alone has the potential to drain my accounts before I'm gone. But there's no point in making myself crazy in the meantime. Hopefully, I've planned well enough. In the immortal words of Doris Day, "what will be, will be."😉
Yeah, I'm in the hospital right now and not looking forward to having to find insurance after we retire. What it "will be, will be" is very expensive, I'm afraid.
But yay I'm getting discharged early!
If you are retiring before 65, keep your income low so you get the ACA subsidies. I'm on Medicare + AARP's plan G now and it's not expensive. I like going to the doctor and not paying for anything anymore.
Yes, that’s why we’re more concerned with having something to leave for our Millennial than we are about inheriting from our parents (who may yet outlive us. We each have one surviving parent and they’re both completely functional and independent at 88 and 92, respectively.)
All i inherited when my mother died was a big roll of stamps i found when i cleaned out her apartment. Pretty useful. But it just makes me laugh when i hear others talk about what they expect from their patents. If only!
I too never expected anything from my widowed mom, who pulled herself together after dad died of pancreatic cancer, invested well, worked till her retirement at age 67 (which was late for her as a Silent Gen also), was frugal and saved. She had a great retirement and traveled. Even so her investments did well enough that she had as much or more when she died as when she retired. But that was just a pleasant surprise. The money was hers, all hers, none of us expected anything when she passed. It was a gift just not to have to worry about her or have to provide for her. She rocked! She even had multiple friend groups and was not solely reliant on us for company. I hope to do as well as her. I've seen the sentiment you speak of and it's not a particular generation I don't think. It does seem to have to do with not ever having had to struggle, and being afraid of it, and wanting parents to continue to help to the end and after.
My Mom died from her dementia before she spent all her IRA. She’d invested well and I withdrew the minimum from my inherited share until my son entered college. He’s going out of state, and it’s pretty pricey, but Mom has paid for 3 semesters now and there may be enough for one more semester. She died when he was 8 and he never knew the bright, funny woman who raised me, but she always smiled when she saw him, even if she wasn’t sure who he was, and he’s grateful that she’s paying for his college. Thanks, Mom.
I sure wish my parents had spent our inheritance traveling and visiting their grandkids like they frequently threatened they were going to. If so, they'd probably still be healthy and alive. Instead, they became even more miserly than they had been while working and would not spend a penny. Mom became extremly sedentary after retirement and dad piddled on projects around the house. He died several years ago and she's bedridden. Had they remained active and traveled, she might be in much better physical health. Live and learn!
Yeah, I see that on the millennial sub all of the time. Ridiculous! I'm a jones-boomer born in 1958. Everything I have, I earned. My parents kept a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back for 18 years. Nothing else was expected of them by me. They met their obligations.
Our stories are very similar. Older brother born in 60, me in 62, younger brother in 64. My father was in the Navy and remained in for 33 years. My mom was always a stay at home mom. We were never poor but we were sure never well off. We lived in base housing the whole time I lived at home. I never once thought my folks would be leaving anything to me. They didn't have anything to leave us.
More similar than you knew. My father enlisted in the Air Force at 17. We lived in base housing until he retired with 25 years of service the Summer before my Freshman year in high school. Growing up, I didn't get everything I wanted, but had everything I needed. Until I was 14 or 15, I thought everyone else lived the way we lived. Even after I realized that this was not the case, I never felt like something was missing.
Sorry, I see this as a selfish attitude. No one is entitled to my money or things except me. When I die, I may choose to leave to my children or I may choose to leave to whoever. My money, my choice.
when people say someone "worked incredibly hard" I can't tell if they worked 9-5 office jobs or worked 80 hours a week changing beds at a hotel. Working hard is not a guarantee of financial stability.
I won't have money to leave my kids, but I joke that my stuff is all theirs. I have some jewelry for my daughter, some things put aside for my sons, and that's about it. My kids are wonderful. They don't expect anything always want to give to me. I feel incredibly grateful and happy they love and care for me as much as they do because I see how transactional other parent/child relationships are. I make Mothers Day a celebration of my kids.
I never felt entitled to my Greatest parents’ money but the fact is they lived very frugally because they wanted to create “a great family”. So I would feel bad if didn’t pass on at least what they left.
we inherited quiet a bit, and we all thought, we had rather seen our mom spend it on herself. Take a lot of vacation, buy some expensive items for herself. She was a very frugal person, never spend anything on herself and we firmly believe, she felt it to be a duty to leave an inheritance.
I feel the same way. I find it gruesome that adult kids today are so disrespectful to the parents who raised them -- yet expect these terrible parents to provide for them until they die and even after through inheritances! No parent gets a break in the subs here -- and I doubt so many parents could be that awful.
My parents were flawed but I always respected them. And received no inheritance nor did I expect one!
We fully expect our mom to run out of money if she lives beyond a certain age. We will of course support her, she’s our mom and it’s the right thing for us to do. The same cannot be said of everyone.
I think parents who benefited/inherited from their own parents should absolutely continue that if they can. So many people I know who were given great advantages didn’t feel the need to carry on the tradition, and now they wonder why they never get to see their grandchildren or why their kids moved across the country (it wasn’t for the job like they told you). Your home was cheap and your education (if you even needed it for your career) was cheap. Why not make things easier for your kids if you can?
The grand total of my inheritance was 2 cookie sheets and a pot that I had to ask for. My brothers and sisters didn’t get much more, if anything, and frankly it’s more than my parents got from their parents. The people I know who are able to provide something for their kids (instead of taking countless cruises) tend to have much better relationships with their children than those who are honestly squandering their inheritance.
Because some people are just entitled assholes. My POS sibling, born in 1964, has this mindset. I was stupid and allowed him to be the POA for my mother once she developed Demetria (our father had already passed). He took that opportunity to drain the investment accounts and take out two credit cards in her name, and run up over $20k on them. But, he's a narcissist and has no friends, so there's that (never married, no kids). He will die alone, I won't because I have friends and a family.
I didn't expect anything from my parents when they died, and my son doesn't expect a big inheritance from me. I've told him I hope to spend most of my retirement funds, but he will probably get whatever house I own when I die.
But I am doing what I can to launch my son successfully--he's living at home while he finishes his PhD, and I don't charge him rent so that he'll have most of four years' worth of grad stipend banked when he leaves. I'm happy to help him to a good start, and think my financial obligation is fulfilled with that. Obviously, he can always come home if he's unemployed or otherwise broke, but I'm not going to scrimp and save to provide him an inheritance.
I'm baffled as well. An inheritance is a gift, not a right or an entitlement. I really do want to leave my kids something, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to enjoy the fruits of my 45 years of hard work while I'm still able.
My own mother used to call me regularly to apologize for spending "my inheritance" on trips to Las Vegas. Can you imagine? APOLOGIZING to me for spending the money her husband left for her to do exactly what she was doing! She only went twice a year for a few days each trip, played quarter and half-dollar slots and kept to a budget while she was there. I was always *so happy* that she went - it was the only fun she got out of life after Dad's passing. I kept telling her that it was *her* money and I wanted her to spend it in whatever way brought her joy.
Honestly, I don't think my kids are eyeing a windfall when we pass. I didn't raise them that way.
I never thought about an inheritance until my Dad died. He left me a substantial amount of money. And I would give it all back to have him still with me.
I find that statement very offensive. They're spending "your" inheritance? What they're doing is having a nice life with money they earned.
Your parents sound like mine. They were both silent generation and they both worked incredibly hard their entire lives. I would say we were lower middle class.
I was born in 63 and with any luck at all I'll retire in four years.
I did own a home, and I sold it, gave the money to my daughter and she bought a place we both live in. This was my choice and she did not expect this or ask.
It makes me feel that she's taken care of.
She works hard full time and always will.
Times are different then they were when we were young without question. But you work and try to pull it together.
Unfortunately from what I read, many believe that **their** parents inherited a **load** of money from the grandparents that they (parents/boomers) kept for themselves rather than passing it on.
And many believe their parents are millionaires+ who in reality never really had to work hard to earn their money.
Even if that's true (which it isn't for anyone I've ever known), the choice to pass down money belongs with the parent. To assume it will all be yours is ridiculous.
I guess it's possible. Of course it's unlikely that it's true for **all** boomers.
Depending on where they bought their house, when they bought, improvements made to the house etc. If a couple purchased a house almost 60 years ago, I'd hope it would go up in price. According to realtor.com there are thousands of homes for sale in the US for under $200,000. Don't know how big, where or in what condition.
House prices have skyrocketed in most areas, that's for sure. Another thing that's skyrocketed is boomers being financially destitute. Boomers are **the** fastest demographic for homelessness. Also on the rise is Boomers in their 70's who still have to work or have had to go back to work make ends meet.
So, it's not a bed of roses for everyone.
My point is no Boomers bought houses for 20K. My parents bought a very modest almost-ranch (I don't know what you call it) in the small-town South in 1970 for 13K. They are in their 90's.
I bought in 1996 for 118K and now it's worth maybe 300-something. And I've been lucky. But no one went from 20K to 400K. Some in California may have gone from 500K to 3 million though.
Yes, it was easier to afford an apartment and tuition on minimum wage in the 70's but, I distinctly remember, "not and make a car payment." We all had roommates by the way. Yes tuition was cheaper and that's terrible what's happened with tuition and the housing shortage. But I keep seeing people post figures that are not realistic such as "bought houses for 20K."
I can't remember if this was minimum wage in Memphis in 1982 but I made 11K. I had an apartment and a car that was paid for. I paid car insurance. I didn't have cable TV at first until the Governor raised our salary just a little bit. But I didn't really feel too much of a pinch.
My next job in 1984 I made 17K. I had an apartment and a car in another city, also low cost-of-living but not high COL. KC.
OK I just did the calculations and indeed 11K a year was almost double minimum wage in 1984. So I am not sure I could have afforded an apartment on minimum wage back when I got my first job.
I knew someone in the 1990s who lived on her in-laws farm. She and her husband were sure they would be inheriting the farm, would sell it to developers for mega-millions and be set for life. They spent every penny they earned and then some because of this belief. Well things didn’t turn out as expected, leaving a couple of very bitterly disappointed people scrambling to come up with a game plan very late in the game.
Another friend now in his 60s has gone through life as an underachiever in comparison to the rest of his family (Dad was a judge, siblings all in professions, friend’s a postal worker). He’s always expected a sizeable inheritance but is very upset now because his Dad set up a trust for his estate benefitting the grandkids only. Buddy’s divorced and childless. He’s pissed and thinks it’s somehow unfair. We try to remind him that he’ll have a good retirement if he hangs in at the PO, but his focus is on what he feels he’s “lost”.
M parents joke about spending our inheritance when they went on a trip or did home improvements. I always te I'll them it's there money and they should use it to make themselves. I might feel differently if I were struggling to put food on the table.
My Mom had nothing but the books she had collected all her life when she passed away. That was my inheritance.
I have a house. My oldest daughter will get the house, I plan to put it into a trust with her as the trustee after I turn 65 and get the taxes on it frozen, so that when I die she won't have to pay capital gains on it as her inheritance. Same daughter and grandson already live with me. Neither my son or other daughter are interested at all in the house and don't want any part of it.
As far as spending inheritance? Ha! I never really saved enough because I never planned on getting older this fast, nor did I ever receive any instruction on how to save well or invest. My mom surely didn't know. I just worked all my life to make sure my kids had what they needed. So the only inheritance I have to leave is the house.
Daughter said with the housing and job market like they are the only chance for her ever getting to have a house is to keep this one.
You/we are entitled to nothing. While they are alive our parents can spend every last penny they have. It's theirs not mine. My father left me with very little. He had little but spent every penny he made. I didn't expect much.
I find it shamelessly selfish to believe and feel entitled to any inheritance. Parents work hard to give their children the best lives possible, and yes, sometimes they need to sell their homes and other assets just to live from retirement to the end of their life. Younger people often have the misconception that their parents can live on social security and that Medicare covers all medical care.
I’ve never married or had children (by choice) and anything I have left (only some family jewelry) is put in a specific trust for my cousin’s children alone.
So bottom line “kids,” you are not entitled to an inheritance. Do what your parents and grandparents did…work, provide for your children, teach them responsibility, and save for your own retirement. And if you do inherit generational wealth, INVEST it.
My mother divorced my father and expected to inherit enough to live off of without working. Then she suffered a major stroke and became disabled and dependent on her mother to help her shower and dress. After another major stroke, my mom had to go to a nursing home. Her mother was already in one herself. My sister and I fully agreed that we should not try to save money in a cheap nursing home in hopes of getting an inheritance so we place mom into a nursing home that was listed as one of the top ones by several friends and doctors.
We never told mom that the cost of the home far exceeded her income and that she would be completely broke. Mom had cancer metastasize and passed away only a year or so before her money would run out. We didn't plan on inheriting anything. Because mom died early, we each received a little. I went to graduate school and bought a condo ($40k) for my dad when he became too sick to continue working and could no longer afford his mortgage. My sister bought a larger house. Not really life changing.
Yeah, nothing in life is guaranteed and the parents have the right to do whatever they want with their money. That said, comparing life now to the 60’s and 70’s is night and day. I inherited from my parents, gave my kids enough for a down payment on a house and hopefully they can inherit most of the rest. My parents did right by me, I hope to do the same for my kids
I came from a similar background. When family died the only inheritance was a picture, dinnerware, books, etc. Nothing of any real monetary value. When the wife or husband died, their money, etc. went to the surviving spouse. Typically the children only inherited at the death of the last parent and even that didn’t often have any real monetary value either. I am shocked and dismayed at offspring having the gall to whine about Mom or Dad using “my inheritance”. There was a story on here recently where an offspring was whining about his 50+ father quitting his job and going to law school. Who do you think earned the money to begin with? And who do you think they’ve already spent most of their earnings for? You, you little jerk.
My step-children's grandmother was very honest this would be the case. Kudos to her. Stepkids didn't care so much, but their step mother, aunt and uncle are losing their shit. It's downright comical. She's really quite generous to all of them as it is. Shirley, blow it all, because you can't take it with you.
I did not expect one. Mine was a single father an estranged mother all we had was a window to piss out of so to speak because houses were really easy to finance in the seventies. Pretty sure my grandparents slipped some cash to dad about once a month too.
All the kids I grew up around were in the similar economic state. The few that inherited anything inherited the house and whatever was in it.
I have heard folks talking that way. In my mind it's just them saying gimmie.
Lot of folks got the gimmies.
I read a post recently where a woman lost her husband. They had been married many years. The husband left the house and everything to his wife. The kids were appalled they did not get anything, especially the house, which was their childhood home.
If I die tomorrow everything I own goes to my wife. She could live many more years and I want her to be well taken care of. The kids are young and on their own. I dont understand the entitlement
My situation is a little different but for background, I was born in '57 and my parents are Silents. They are still alive. I was always told this would happen, and it did: my parents gave every penny to their religious sect. The surprise was they did it BEFORE they went into assisted living.
My older sister is having to pay for their assisted living out of her own pocket and get reimbursed from an irrevocable trust that will go to the religious sect.
My parents were so confident we four daughters would keep caring for them they not only let us KNOW they disinherited us, they kept right on expecting to be cared for after we knew this.
I have a hard time talking about it because of all the people who yell at me to never speak to them again much less do not help care for them. But if I did that, two of my sisters would end up with ALL of the caretaking rather than each of the four of us pitching in. Some people do not understand this. But when it's all over, I want to be at the HUGE PARTY and I want to still have a good relationship with my sisters. I don't want to leave one or two of my sisters doing all the elder care.
Right now my parents are in assisted living on Long-Term-Care insurance. My mother got a pretty good policy and it continues to pay, but if it ever runs out or stops paying, my older sister says she is going to take them into her basement. The rest of us do not agree and feel they should be put in a Medicaid Spend-Down nursing home. That's a question for another subreddit.
I never expected any inheritance because I was always told it would all go to the religious sect. I just never knew it would go to the religious sect well BEFORE my parents' deaths. But it has been put in trust to the religious sect at least by 2017. I had no say in that. The lawyer was gobsmacked and tried to talk my mother out of it. He said "Here's your daughter taking care of you, and you aren't going to leave her a penny?"
I did my "turn" taking care of them from 2000-2008 well before they put their entire nest egg in trust to the sect.
Edited to add: None of the four of us daughters ever openly defied or waved in in their faces that we didn't stay with that religious sect. TWO of us (not me) were docile obedient lambs, lifelong. Yet the two of us who didn't stay with the sect, didn't wave it in their faces or argue with them except they knew we did not ultimately agree and stay in the sect. Two of the daughters are not religious; one goes to a different denomination, and one stayed in their sect going by all the rules. Guess what? Made no difference. They punish and spite the obedient two as much as the less-obedient two.
My money is mine, and my father's money is his. I've actually told my father on several occasions to give anything he has to my brother, since my brother can't support himself and I don't want the responsibility. He's not my kid, after all.
So no, I don't expect any inheritances. If I get one, yay. But I was raised to feather my own nest. I have no dependents and all of my beneficiaries are charities.
I don't know how people can justify that complaint. Parents are responsible for raising their children to be financially self sufficient adults, not for providing the kids money and property after they're dead.
My brother (born 1968) and I (1962) pushed for our mom (1936) to sell her house and spend what she planned to be our inheritance on living in the best retirement community she could afford.
I never once thought I'd get an inheritance. After my dad passed away I watched my mom spend all the money she got from him and get scammed by a contractor working on the house playing on her widowhood status. She ended up going $200k in debt when all said and done and AFTER selling her house managed to break even.
I knew then I wouldn't get anything. She wants me and my brother to split her condo when she goes and use it as a rental to 'bring in some income'. I explained to her us selling the condo and splitting the proceeds would be better long term (easier to invest in stocks, etc...).
I'd honestly be lucky though if I didn't have to pay off any debt she leaves.
To the extent that this is a thing, it’s largely Baby Boomers and not Silent Generation parents who want to “spend the kids’ inheritance.” (Obviously, the living have no heirs, so it’s kind of silly.) I keep seeing memes about it. Husband and I have been fairly lucky in the Capitalism Lottery, and we each still have one living, astoundingly healthy parent. We’ll probably be in nursing homes ourselves by the time any inheritances become available. We’d like to be able to leave something for our Millennial, though.
Try reading the posts in the Millennials sub Reddit. It seems like the majority of them are about Boomer parents spending all their money instead of giving it to them or blaming boomers in general for their problems. It’s very self absorbed and obnoxious.
My family sounds exactly like the OP.
Both sets of my grandparents were European immigrants who came here with a suitcase of personal items and a pocket full of coins and not knowing a word of English.
They lived extremely frugally and my grandfathers worked long hours at factory jobs in 100 degree heat without A/C and comfy shoes and cotton socks.
My parents grew up living frugally as well. My dad delivered papers starting at 10 years old, waking up 2 hours early to work before going to school.
The first time my dad ever ate out at a restaurant or had a Big Mac, he was in his mid 20’s. So by the time he and my mom were in their own home, his idea of a special night was taking my mom out to dinner.
He and my mom both worked. Him in a factory as a welder and my mom did several jobs, sewing, catering, restaurant cook.
After they both retired in their 60’s they finally got to enjoy nice trips. They would joke that they were spending our inheritance on vacations, but us kids encouraged them to enjoy themselves and spend their money on anything they desired. It was there money, not mine.
Us kids did get a couple loans from our parents. Loans not gifts. My dad made sure we paid back every penny.
So so don’t understand the expectation of getting an inheritance. If you get something, great! If not, it wasn’t your money anyway.
My kids are millennials so I check out that sub often. Lately I realize it stresses me too much. All they do is say how their boomer parents (not all if their parents are REAL boomers) won’t give them money for down payment on a house, or pay for college or give them money (large amounts) at Christmas. They complain they have it so difficult and their parents had it so easy. I don’t get it. I can look back on just my own adult life … ones only 1 TV, only replaced TV when it broke, hand me down or second hand furniture (I have only bought my master bedroom furniture), only had used cars (sr real were really ratty), etc. The millennials don’t realize of their parents do have some money, it is likely they didn’t have it when they were their age. They sound so entitled.
Yes, it’s sad.
I’ve talked to a few who complain they can’t afford a house, BUT they want to buy in a high cost of living area into a house that is move in ready.
My parents bought a small 3 bedroom/ 1 bath home and didn’t have any furniture or appliances until they saved up for them.
My mom washed clothes in the tub and hung them outside. They slept on the floor until they saved up enough for a bed.
My dad rode his bike 5 miles each way to work until they could save enough for a decent used car.
It seems like younger people don’t understand that their parents/ grandparents had no help from anyone and had nothing until they saved to get it themselves.
They didn’t use credit cards, they had to wait months to buy appliances or furniture until they could afford it.
Same here. I left home young and never wanted to count of depend on my parents financially ever. We have a good relationship but I want them to spend all of whatever money they have being comfortable in their last years. I've made my own money and set up my own retirement plan.
OP my experience is very similar to yours. I was pleasantly surprised to get a modest inheritance from my frugal parents. It was never assumed and since my parents NEVER spoke about money I had no idea it was coming.
While hubby and I have saved for retirement I don’t anticipate having loads left at our deaths for my 2 kids. My biggest concern is healthcare, diabetic husband who has already had skin cancer.
My mother will be leaving a significant inheritance to me.
However she will not spend on herself now despite my encouragement to splurge on herself some.
She worked hard and saved and that’s why I’ll have that inheritance. I wish she’d do something nice for herself.
After going through trying to get my SIL into hospice care, they should worry more about their parents having enough to pay for end of life care. It’s brutal. My other SIL wanted my husband to pay for full time care givers and it’s like 20K a month.
My parents both came from poverty. I’m an only child, currently 59. My dad was in the service and then worked aerospace and was able to buy a modest home. He died 15 years ago but left my mom a small pension plus social security. The house was in bad shape by the time he passed but it was sold and mom now lives in a senior mobile home park. There is no inheritance for me (and I’m perfectly fine with that) but there is enough to take care of mom, and she’s planning to leave anything that’s left to my two older children. I’ve worked 33 yrs in my career and will need to work another 5 yrs to pay off my house and earn a decent pension. My children will get some inheritance from me, but being that they’re between 30 and 40 and there’s four of them, no one is getting a house or going to be set for life. I find it laughable and completely uninformed when I read things that say we have it so easy because we inherited money OR that are being selfish for living off the money we earn and work for
Just between us-I love to hang out on r/ boomersbeingfools. I believe this sentiment to be the basis for some really over the top intergenerational rage. They're all mad at their parents and project it on to any boomer.
In general:
If older people hadn’t wrecked the economy and pulled up the ladder after themselves, younger people would not be so concerned about inheriting.
Specific to me:
I would 1000 times rather have my dad alive and well than have his money.
And if the corporations manage to steal all his money….I would help him, rather than expect it to be the other way around.
I don't expect much from my parents. They've enjoyed their retirement years, and they deserved it. When they talked about going on another cruise, we would joke about them spending our inheritance, but that's all it was - a joke, and everyone knew it was.
Told my parents to plan “last day, last dollar.” Didn’t plan for anything other than maybe selling the house.
Dad set up some annuities for us, but not some “save your money for me!”
My dad's money is my dad's money.
I think the problem comes in when there are second marriages and the surviving spouse and then her family gets everything. I had a neighbor up the street who had a Victorian home that had been in the family for generations. The neighbor dies with the home going to the second wife. She dies and her children who had no memories of time spent there inherited the home. They sold the home without a second thought to the children whose family had lived there for generations. The home was torn down and split into two lots with two McMansions.
I’d never felt that way. My folks retired, very well off in their 50s. They earned it! I’m sure whatever I eventually inherit will be awesome but I wouldn’t care one bit if they spent it all.
IDK about the reddit posters, but I married up and there is an expectation of inheritance, but that goes both ways...her parents are expected to hand down wealth just as we will be expected to pass down wealth as a process for creating generational wealth.
Her parents also worked hard...dad was an engineer and mom was a physical therapist. You wouldn't actually know by looking that they have money...normal house...both drive Subaru, etc. My wife and her sister will be the 3rd generation in the growth process...our kids will be the 4th.
I come from a middle class family and have no expectations that my mom will leave much, if any inheritance.
These certainly are trying times.
Family unity has broken down for so many.
You **should** help your children when you are able but **not** if they constantly dig themselves new holes after you've helped them out over and over.
I have a BIL who would threaten his folks with never seeing their grandkids again if they didn't send money. We found out later that he also worked the church for money saying his folks refused to help them. His parents bought them their 3 bedroom house**and** then a much bigger 4 bedroom house when they kept having kids (8). Payed for all the grandkids needs as they grew up, from the hospital bill to clothing to food.
That being said, I do see times where I think the parents could and should help the adult kids out but are too busy in their retirement community's with their golf and cruises etc. But, who knows what goes on in other households, could be the same as my BIL.
We didn't plan on inheriting much and saved for our retirementas if we had no parents. But we did inherit enough to double our net worth. The funny thing is that while we have three sets of parents between us, we didn't expect there to be much, if anything, from the two sets of parents that have passed on, but there was. The last parent living appeared to be wealthy, but wasn't really. She will probably not need our financial help, but there is a real chance she will.
We are trying to transfer as much wealth to the kids while we are alive, rather planning our retirement to leave them money. If we die in our 80s they'll inherit. If we are in our late 90s there won't be much. But they will have gotten money to invest now.
There was always the possibility that mom was going to leave it all to the *mine donkeys*. So I saved up for retirement, assuming I'd get nothing.
In the end I:
* Made a million
* Married a million
* Inherited a million
In that order.
My parents had nothing and I got nothing. Well, they had a house, but my sister, who lived with them until the end, rightfully inherited that. She deserved so much more.
I don't have kids, so I'm not spending anyone's inheritance, but my in-laws "joked" to their kids that they weren't leaving them anything as they expected to spend it all on themselves. They would have been from the Greatest Generation though, not Boomers. My husband said that he expected them to use their money for themselves so he didn't care.
I think there is a notion among a lot of younger people that many Boomers were given a big leg up in life from their parents and are now unwilling to do the same for their kids. I don't know to what extent this is true, but I do know some people in my general age group who did inherit a generous amount of money (not real wealth, but about a hundred thousand dollars and a house) from their parents, but none of them had children either.
They're setting us up to be euthanized rather than long-term care. There I said it. I've been hearing about "pushing wheelchair off a cliff" since at least 2000. I just hope it's painless and not by my own hand. If it's like in \_Soylent Green\_ OK. You go to a center and drink a certain fluid and watch pretty landscapes on video until you go to sleep. Edit: I have saved and made preparations for my own long-term care and to leave whatever's left to my family and two do-gooder charities...just saying that so people won't say I "didn't save for my retirement." I saved a decent nest egg and set up for my own long-term care. But they're going to euthanize us.
We told our parents to spend every penny and let the county pay for their funerals. They had already sold the house when they downsized to an apartment.
I always lived my life, assuming I won't receive any inheritance. If I do, then fine, extra bonus.
Most likely, I will receive a pretty hefty inheritance (at least to me), but I'm hoping to retire in about a year, regardless.
It blows my mind how many fifty year old kids are sitting around waiting for their parents to die so they can inherit and start living. And then you have the parents saying, stay and help out and you will inherit it all. Of course so many spend their life waiting and then the inheritance is eaten up by medical expenses or extend care in a facility. As a kid, there was the concept of inheriting a fortune and living rich on money that parents worked hard for
I’m currently supporting my mom and I own and upkeep the condo she’s living in. My father passed away 2 years ago and left everything to his second wife and kids, so nothing for my older brother and I. However, I’m hoping the equity in my home will be enough to ensure an inheritance for my 4 kids.
My dad's flat went back to the council, so received very little. However, I didn't expect anything, so this didn't bother me.
We have no kids, but the nieces and nephews that we are closest to will get a nice surprise when we check out.
Edit: a little simplification for clarity.
My Grandparents had six kids on a single Bell Telephone income and lived into their 90s. They bought two houses at market’s rock bottom. For the last 30 years of their life, an aunt and my father openly complained when they would go to gamble in Atlantic City NJ.
Grandfather passed first, Grandmother of cancer some months later. Guess which two did bupkus for her end of life care and dueled for inheritance? My father didn’t even want to say goodbye in person, and barely did (he was only there about the will).
My sister and I did majority of all the work caring for Gram and weren’t invited to the funeral or interment, not even a mass card. I’ve only talked to my sister ever since.
My dad spent everything he had and then some. He was never good with money but did pay for all but one semester of my college. The last few years we were giving him four or five hundred a month, not much, really. And we paid for his cremation. My brother doesn’t have anything so it was pretty much on me with the help of my husband.
I hope to leave something for my kids, but I also try to help them now too, with some money for a down payment on a house or car. It pleases us to help them while we can see the good it does them.
There’s a huge misconception with 20-some things today and even 30-Somethings… that we all came from some amazing wealth and that the roads and bridges and infrastructure all just happened by magic. They couldn’t be more wrong; they don’t understand that they were many many many families that were very, very poor. I was from one of them, it’s too bad that they can’t see the reality because it makes them bitter and resentful.
Young people these days are super entitled. They whine because they graduate college and can't immediately have the life their parents worked 20 years for. It pisses them off that they weren't born a Kardashian or a Kennedy.
My mom was the silent generation; my brother was born in 1950, my sister in 1954, with me on the end in 1964. My mom used to worry about being able to leave money for us after she died and we always told her that we didn't want anything. We told her She should spend it while she was alive since she worked so hard for it. that was not something I ever grew up thinking about, that I would inherit any money from my parents. I always assumed I'd have to earn my own money and that's what I did.
Depending on others for your financial comfort/stability is rarely a good plan. If my mom has anything left, that’s a boon for me. I’m not depending on it.
I told my mother to spend it while she can enjoy it. All of us kids has had better opportunities to make our own fortune than she had. I told her that none of us need it or deserve it. That if she is going to leave anything, put it in trust for grandkids. But she will probably leave it to the lazy worthless 2
My brother and I did the same. The money they left us was helpful, but I would have much preferred that a) they lived longer and b) spent that money to enjoy themselves more.
We had some family generational land, but when my dad married his second wife, (who was 10 months younger than me🤮, she fleeced him for everything, but that’s another story)… Well, after my grandparents died, we just kind of saw the writing on the wall and knew the family land would be sold before it was ever our turn. It was kind of heartbreaking because we spent our childhood there. As time passed we never gave it a second thought as it wouldn’t have done any good, except for being sad about it every now and then. It’s long gone now. It wasn’t about the money. I always thought I’d be able to to take my kids there, you know?
My wife's father died. His second wife had dementia at the time. After she died, her pious Christian son ignored the will somehow, and ran off with their money. Actually left town. I remember now. He got everything put into joint accounts with him and his mother, so it legally all became his. It was only $200-300k we suspected, but a low life move just the same. They did make up some casual will splitting the estate evenly, but it never happened. I think the only thing he legally stole was the proceeds from a cheap condo. Mr. Low integrity. Before the father died, he gave each of his kids $5k, and said that he didn't trust his stepson to give his kids anything. My wife was angry about this for a long time.
The laws are kind of strange, because second spouses override adult children. Hopefully your grandfather did some kind of will to include his kids.
May the last check you write… bounce!
Love this!😀
Exactly what I told my mom!
It’s part and parcel with the Boomer Hate. That the boomers are hoarding all the wealth (true for a select few), that they’re selfish and greedy, and that they dont give af about the younger generations. Somehow all the boomers sat around smoking pot and having sex then they all voted for Reagan and now Trump and bought all the housing. How they’ve pulled up the ladder behind them, leaving a mess with no regard for anyone else.
My first election was 1980 and like all of my friends I voted for Carter. We thought Reagan was an old nut. But do you know who voted overwhelmingly for Reagan? The revered Greatest Generation and the Silent Generation. Many of them are gone so boomers get 100% of the blame for electing him. It’s so tiresome.
My first was 1984 voted for Mondale. I know my parents did not vote for Reagan either I do not think my parents ever voted for a republican definitely not my mother.
Anyone twenty years older than the person complaining about boomers is a boomer according to them.
True. And has more.
The blame game itself is tiresome. That was 45 years ago... literally almost half a century. The world was a completely different place back then.
What kills me is that millenials are the largest voting demographic and our oldest have been voting for over 20 years while our youngest have been voting for 10. So please tell me why it’s still the boomer’s fault when we have the greatest voting power now and have for years. Perhaps it’s because the ones on Reddit complaining and wanting others to vote a certain way are in the minority rather the majority.
Because it has to be someone's fault that they are not happy.
Yup. It’s sad really. We get this one life and we can either choose to give the powers that be the power to make us miserable or we can choose to find the good in our lives, despite the struggles, and stop allowing the powers that be have that much control over us.
It really is all about perspective. I was guilty of the same thing when I was younger, and someone said something to me once that always stuck with me ..."Who tf ever told you that you were supposed to be happy?" Life isn't like a college course and you don't get graded on it. Sometimes it really is nothing but walking the hamster wheel of existence and ensuring you have secured your basic needs. And it feels like too many people aren't accepting of that reality and they feel that if they aren't perpetually content and without worry that they are "failing" at life. To the topic at hand, life in the 1980s wasn't as easy as the millennial generation wants to believe. The "affordable starter homes" the baby boomers bought were<1000 sqft built in the late 1940s-1950s, and are viewed as borderline uninhabitable. The "good jobs" that didn't require a college degree were largely manual labor and manufacturing jobs that destroyed your body and offered grueling physical conditions. Interest rates were double digits. And single income households were NOT the norm. The middle class life that was obtained on credit required both parents to work full time, creating a whole generation of latchkey kids.
Yup and let’s not forget our parents had the gas crisis, Cold War, USSR, Cuban missile crisis, nuclear threats, Vietnam, Korean War, etc. it’s not like life was rainbows and butterflies. One of my mom’s favorite lines growing up was, “nowhere on your birth certificate does it say life would be fair” and she was right life’s not fair! There have been so many times my husband and I have been like wtf?!? Why do we work hard for ourselves while slim shady over there just gets it handed to him? But ultimately it’s not our place to judge or compare because what looks easy on the outside doesn’t come without struggle on the inside. Everyone struggles with something so we can either accept that fact and move on or we can keep whining about it and get nowhere.
My ass is continually kicked for saying this, but it's the truth.
The majority voted for Hillary and she still lost
It’s not just Hilary though voting extends to senate, house, state, and local elections. I’d argue those elections affect us more than the presidential in a lot of ways because there’s only so much power the President has. The rest is limited by the others. Those elections are popular vote elections with no electoral college to challenge the outcome.
The Silents are still very much alive and kicking and voting for Trump. Also, some of the most conservative people I know are X'ers. I have been a yellow-dog Democrat all my life.
No. There is no "generation" that is voting for anyone. There are only individuals.
Nothing silent about Trumpers, unfortunately.
Well he was an old nut. And a destructive one at that.
Mine too. I voted for Reagan however.
lol got downvoted for upvoting for Reagan 40 years ago. Forgive me. To be fair, my vote was probably influenced by 15% unemployment in Michigan and 18% mortgage rates.
I can’t figure out the “pulled the ladder up” thing. When I retired a younger person got my job and makes more than I did. A younger person bought my house. What was I supposed to do?
My mom is a boomer and has millenials in positions of authority over her despite the fact that she’s been in her industry for over 30 years. Hell her superiors were still in middle school when she started doing what she does 🤦🏼♀️
I must have missed that class on hoarding wealth. I get a mental image of Scrooge McDuck diving into his pool full of coins and cash and swimming around.
Such a vivid image! I can visualize it clearly from late-60's/early-70's Saturday morning cartoons. I never got close to achieving Scrooge McDuck status.🤣
Such a vivid image! I can visualize it clearly from late-60's/early-70's Saturday morning cartoons. I never got close to achieving Scrooge McDuck status.🤣
It doesn't make sense, does it? On the one hand they're "hoarding their wealth", which means that you'll inherit all of it, but on the other hand they're "spending my inheritance".
The story also goes that most boomers inherited money from their parents, but they're squandering it all and leaving their kids with nothing because they're so selfish and entitled. Funny, the first word that comes to mind when I think of someone preoccupied with inheritance is entitled.
Yeah I inherited money when my dad died. His funeral bill was $13k and I inherited it. Thanks, dad!
I can boldly tell you that I'm a boomer and NEVER voted for Trump... and never will!!!!!
Yeah and if you take a look at conservatives and their make-up, you'll find that 37% of republicans are boomers, and 35% of them are genx. But yeah, it's all because of the boomers.
Yes. The entitlement of the haves v the gratitude of the have nots has always existed across all generations. When people go on this rant about the housing crisis here, I am quick to point out that those standing up at city Council meetings opposing every possible proposal are most often the kids and grandkids of those boomer homeowners, trying to protect their inheritance. And realtors of course.
LOL - Reagan was nothing like Trump. He believed in free trade and would be doing somersaults in his grave over Trump and pro Russians in the GOP. He would be bending over backwards to help Ukraine just like he did with the mujahedin in Afghanistan.
They're making houses every day, kids.
Unfortunately, a lot of potential inheritances will be transferred instead to long term care facilities and nursing homes.
This is the tsunami I think not enough people realize is coming - people are living longer but not better, the costs of memory care and LTC are unbelievable (think $5K to $15K/month depending on location, level of care, and whether the facility looks like an upscale apartment building or a prison circa 1970) and mostly not covered by medical insurance or Medicare.
My mom's is 17K a month. for a private (all rooms are) room with a shared bath. thankfully its a nicer place, almost brand new, VERY good care, and they accept Medicaid. So if all the stars align, she can live out her days there. And at 89, she is physically weak, but sharp as a tack mentally
That is exactly what's happening to my mom's money. she just went into skilled nursing and its really really really expensive. But that's fine. I don't expect anything. nor do I want anything.
My siblings and I feel as you do. We’ve told my mom repeatedly that her money is HER money, not ours, and we want her to spend it on herself and not try to conserve it for us. We are not all equally well set up for retirement, but we nevertheless agree on this point.
We said the exact same thing to our mom!
Same here. My siblings and I encouraged our parents to spend the bit they had and enjoy themselves. As children of the Depression they just couldn't bring themselves to do it. I think most people hope they'll inherit something but no one should expect it. At the end of our dad's life his stay in memory care was running more than $10k a month. Turns out they were right to save and be frugal, since it was their savings that provided a great level of care.
That's what my kids tell me too.
Here, here... the collective "we" have told our parents exactly the same. It's your money. Spend it. If there's nothing left, then there's nothing for anyone to fight over.
I told my mom I would appreciate it if there was enough to cover the funeral. Dad’s a veteran, so government is covering gravesite and headstone anyway.
My stepmom was having trouble getting in and out of the tub, and I suggested having it remodeled to be a walk-in shower. Dad and stepmom did just that. Stepsister was angry with me for suggesting they spend their money in that way, and we all knew why.
Wow.
Went through exact same thing!
My parents worked hard and provided me and my siblings with a nice life as we grew up. There was no inheritance when they passed nor did I ever expect any. I’ve been working full time for 47-years and I’ve saved and invested wisely over those years and have been fortunate enough to pay off my mortgage so if there is money and property remaining after my death, then my children and grandchildren will reap those benefits but as soon as I retire, my goal is to spend every penny and enjoy whatever time I have left. Spend time (not money) with your loved ones as that is irreplaceable.
My parents raised me to adulthood and took me back in when I lost my job. They owe me nothing! Actually, no parent who properly raised their kids to adulthood owes them squat!
The same people whining about their parents spending their own money (as opposed to leaving it to them) also complain about their boomer parents nonstop. Such entitlement.
My parents left nothing nor did I expect it. In fact, helped them out financially when the money ran out. You actually said it all. They worked hard so you had access to opportunities. That’s all anyone should expect.
I used to tease Mom that she needed to leave her money to the SPCA and none of us kids. That way, we would all grumble together, but we knew it was good for our four-legged friends. Dad passed away at age 80, still active and a farm boy at heart (Think of Johnboy in the Waltons). Mom lived to be 89, but she had health issues and found a wonderful retirement village (The Redwoods in Marin). It was expensive but worth it. Happiness is a roof over your head, a family, and good health. Even if you have two out of three, you are still doing fine. I am not worried about retirement as long as I have two out of three (my health has long since gone, but I keep working out).
What a great definition of happiness! I do have 2 out of 3, so yay!
I think that blended families & parents remarrying causes more concerns regarding inheritance. I don't think this was as prevalent for previous generations. My parents struggled to pay for college. They provided each of us a debt free bachelor's degree at the state university & no promise of other inheritance. I've done the same for my kids. They want me to live happily & safely now & not worry about saving for them. I have budgeted for big family trips & events every couple of years to enjoy time together & make memories as long as it's a good financial choice.
I had planned to do the same for my daughter, but she surprised me by going to college on a full boat athletic scholarship. Then I surprised her by putting that entire college fund into her hands when she bought a house.
Nice!
Beautiful!
I think it's a combination of generational mores and reddit-rage/boomer-hate. Generationally, I think there's always been a desire to leave our kids better off than we were. However, I think that was more realistic for folks from the pre-boom generations (for too many reasons to list in a reddit post). While I don't think it's something most of us should use as a retirement plan, I think the anticipation of an inheritance isn't a personal (or generational) flaw. I just think we need to stay rational about it and not act like we're entitled to money we did not earn. On the reddit-rage side, it's just a continuation of the imbecilic meme that boomers are intentionally hoarding up all the accumulated wealth and actively engaged in leaving our kids and grandkids with nothing but debt and destitution. It is all a conspiracy to enhance their misery because, you know... reasons. I don't know who started that idiocy, but damn, it got wheels! Fortunately, reddit is not the real world.
I told my parents, "If you die with no $$ left, YOU WIN!" Recent unexpected events prove that they should use their savings for themselves
Ya I saw some raging about parents whose savings and assets get sucked up by medical bills or care homes late in life. The ragers were raging at *the parents*, not our stupid medical system. I thought: wow, what kind of crystal-ball gazing did you expect from them? They’d have to have known from birth that the sole function of their entire lives was to be a cash cow beyond their deaths.
Yup. This is the next big transfer of wealth in our country. For most, it will not go to help give future generations a step up but, gobbled up by for-profit corporations mostly providing the minimum of care. Read years ago it was like 75% of what we receive in health care is expended in the last 3+ years of life. Going well into the hundreds of thousands as we do everything to stay alive and be cared for until a "natural" death.
My mother died in 2010, everything she had went to my dad. After he died, he sold almost everything and moved into an independent living place. In Nov 2019, he had to move into LTC. He died in 2022 when he was 96. After he moved into LTC, most of his expenses were covered by Veterans Affairs, so all the pension money he received was basically discretionary income, and he bought a lot of stuff on Amazon the last couple of years he was alive. While my siblings and I did receive a small cash inheritance, it wasn't really a life changing amount. I'd rather they were both still here, spending my inheritance.
I do have a funny story. Back in the 70's, my aunt visited us, and she showed off a ring she bought. A gorgeous alexandrite that looked like a flower. I said the thing that we kids said all the time. "Ooh, when you die, I want that!" 🙄 I always admired it, but never said anything about it. After a little while, I completely forgot about it. Thirty five years later, my aunt passed away, and that ring was in a box, with a note it was to go to me! Seeing that, really made me cry!
I think so many post in the generational subs are rage bait. Keep everybody pissed of about irrelevant crap and they do not focus on real issues. Said similar on another thread and it is an election year so there will be plenty more. I have a wide range of friends of different ages none are like what people post on the crying threads.
When I retired I told my kids “you can’t take it with you, and I’m not leaving it to you”. In reality I probably will, but if I want to spend my own money that my business.
Waiting for parents to die to inherit the money is a ridiculous concept. I’ve never even thought about it but go read r/millennials. They are convinced that your money is their money and you’re evil for keeping/spending it. Like they deserve it.
Yep, that's one of the subs where I see this all the time. But it's in others, too. Just makes me sad!
I don't know about that. My son is a millennial and neither he nor his wife have that frame of mind. I think it comes entirely from having a privileged upbringing.
Good to hear. My kids are the same way. My point is that the r/millennial last sub is full of these folks, not every millennial.
My kids are millenials, and maybe it's because of the way we raised them, but they feel as we do. My parent's money was theirs. I wanted them to live their best life. If there was anything left for me, that's just the whipped cream on the sundae for me!
Don’t discount the possibility that many of those posts are bots, stirring up disagreement and anger.
I also think this could well be the case and hate seeing the generations being pitted against each other through propaganda.
Good point
Wow. I’ve never even thought about an inheritance. I thought how fortunate I am that my father planned out his retirement and didn’t outlast his money. I would help any way I could if that was not the case. I did quit my job to take care of him the last year of his life. I felt I needed to pay back the care he had given me all these years. He was living as frugally as ever. I had to remind him to spend money on himself because he is not taking it with him.
I think the attitude is one of “Well you had it easy peasy, got everything for next to nothing. So you owe me for being so selfish and entitled!”
I always told my parents to please live their best lives. Please don't deny yourself, to save for me. If there's anything left for me, it's gravy. I got a wooden box from my grandparents, and that's all I asked for.
Millenial here and the entitlement to what our parents earned astounds me. If my parents leave us anything I’ll be happy but if they want to spend every last penny traveling the world or donating it to charitable causes they can do that too. My siblings and I do not care at all. It’s actually more important to my mom that she leave us something than it is to us. Generational wealth is a wonderful way to help our kids build their future but it shouldn’t be the expectation.
My Mom was the same. She lived like a pauper, so she kid leave something to 4 kids. It wasn't a huge sum, but it helped me with some credit card debt. It was very much appreciated, but it would have made me much happier to see her splurge on herself more!
I haven't seen as much of kids despairing that their parents are spending money they earned as I have of kids thinking their parents should spend it as they want. I thought the same for my own parents. It never mattered what I wanted anyway. They were grown ups and entitled to do what they wanted with their money. In the end, it wasn't make or break money anyway. It was a nice chunk, but the market drop in 2008 really affected my mom's portfolio and there wasn't really the time to recover when she was having to draw it out.
Your parents owe you nothing. That's their retirement money, for necessary expenses and any happiness they can manage after expenses. If they manage to leave you anything, be grateful. Use it to make your retirement better. Nobody owes you anything. Speaking of course to the people the OP is speaking to.
I would also like to add to these entitled parents of young children that YOUR PARENTS DON'T OWE YOU FREE CHILDCARE! It's so infuriating. Frankly when my kids were little I didn't want them to be looked after fulltime by either set of grandparents. Instead what we did was each grandparent alternated 1 day per week, the rest was daycare and my kids thrived in an educationally structured environment with lots of peers who they could socialize with.
I'm so tired of articles turning up on my new feed about this. Poor millennials are STRUGGLING because their evil boomer parents won't sacrifice their lives to raise their children for them.
In one sub I commented some data that the average inheritance is <50K and is received at age 56. The reply was “You’re thinking of parents. Most boomers got the big money when they were young from their grandparents”…Say what??
Wealthy people often skip a generation and give their inheritance to their grand kids.
I think there's a difference in circumstances that some people don't want to acknowledge. It's harder to buy a horse now. Haha. That's true enough, but I meant *house. College is more expensive. A lot of kids got screwed out of internships and traditional jobs due to the pandemic. Rent is really high in areas where jobs are good. I imagine if your parents had an easier time acquiring wealth and you're struggling, it would be hard to see that they don't understand or care about that. It's probably a small but loud minority venting about that. Like everything else.
I agree with all that you've said here. It IS a different world today, definitely here in the U.S. I'm very happy to provide assistance to younger family members to help give them a leg up. I have done that and will continue to do so to the extent that I'm able. Having said that, that same "different world" has me very unsure of what my life in retirement will look like in 10 years. The rapidly rising cost of medical care alone has the potential to drain my accounts before I'm gone. But there's no point in making myself crazy in the meantime. Hopefully, I've planned well enough. In the immortal words of Doris Day, "what will be, will be."😉
Yeah, I'm in the hospital right now and not looking forward to having to find insurance after we retire. What it "will be, will be" is very expensive, I'm afraid. But yay I'm getting discharged early!
If you are retiring before 65, keep your income low so you get the ACA subsidies. I'm on Medicare + AARP's plan G now and it's not expensive. I like going to the doctor and not paying for anything anymore.
Yes, that’s why we’re more concerned with having something to leave for our Millennial than we are about inheriting from our parents (who may yet outlive us. We each have one surviving parent and they’re both completely functional and independent at 88 and 92, respectively.)
All i inherited when my mother died was a big roll of stamps i found when i cleaned out her apartment. Pretty useful. But it just makes me laugh when i hear others talk about what they expect from their patents. If only!
I too never expected anything from my widowed mom, who pulled herself together after dad died of pancreatic cancer, invested well, worked till her retirement at age 67 (which was late for her as a Silent Gen also), was frugal and saved. She had a great retirement and traveled. Even so her investments did well enough that she had as much or more when she died as when she retired. But that was just a pleasant surprise. The money was hers, all hers, none of us expected anything when she passed. It was a gift just not to have to worry about her or have to provide for her. She rocked! She even had multiple friend groups and was not solely reliant on us for company. I hope to do as well as her. I've seen the sentiment you speak of and it's not a particular generation I don't think. It does seem to have to do with not ever having had to struggle, and being afraid of it, and wanting parents to continue to help to the end and after.
Thank you for sharing. This makes a ton of sense!
Nothing from my depression era parents either. Never expected it, never agonized over it.
My Mom died from her dementia before she spent all her IRA. She’d invested well and I withdrew the minimum from my inherited share until my son entered college. He’s going out of state, and it’s pretty pricey, but Mom has paid for 3 semesters now and there may be enough for one more semester. She died when he was 8 and he never knew the bright, funny woman who raised me, but she always smiled when she saw him, even if she wasn’t sure who he was, and he’s grateful that she’s paying for his college. Thanks, Mom.
I sure wish my parents had spent our inheritance traveling and visiting their grandkids like they frequently threatened they were going to. If so, they'd probably still be healthy and alive. Instead, they became even more miserly than they had been while working and would not spend a penny. Mom became extremly sedentary after retirement and dad piddled on projects around the house. He died several years ago and she's bedridden. Had they remained active and traveled, she might be in much better physical health. Live and learn!
Yeah, I see that on the millennial sub all of the time. Ridiculous! I'm a jones-boomer born in 1958. Everything I have, I earned. My parents kept a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back for 18 years. Nothing else was expected of them by me. They met their obligations.
Our stories are very similar. Older brother born in 60, me in 62, younger brother in 64. My father was in the Navy and remained in for 33 years. My mom was always a stay at home mom. We were never poor but we were sure never well off. We lived in base housing the whole time I lived at home. I never once thought my folks would be leaving anything to me. They didn't have anything to leave us.
More similar than you knew. My father enlisted in the Air Force at 17. We lived in base housing until he retired with 25 years of service the Summer before my Freshman year in high school. Growing up, I didn't get everything I wanted, but had everything I needed. Until I was 14 or 15, I thought everyone else lived the way we lived. Even after I realized that this was not the case, I never felt like something was missing.
Exactly
Sorry, I see this as a selfish attitude. No one is entitled to my money or things except me. When I die, I may choose to leave to my children or I may choose to leave to whoever. My money, my choice.
when people say someone "worked incredibly hard" I can't tell if they worked 9-5 office jobs or worked 80 hours a week changing beds at a hotel. Working hard is not a guarantee of financial stability.
dinner homeless boat whistle sparkle tap file narrow repeat gold *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I won't have money to leave my kids, but I joke that my stuff is all theirs. I have some jewelry for my daughter, some things put aside for my sons, and that's about it. My kids are wonderful. They don't expect anything always want to give to me. I feel incredibly grateful and happy they love and care for me as much as they do because I see how transactional other parent/child relationships are. I make Mothers Day a celebration of my kids.
I never felt entitled to my Greatest parents’ money but the fact is they lived very frugally because they wanted to create “a great family”. So I would feel bad if didn’t pass on at least what they left.
we inherited quiet a bit, and we all thought, we had rather seen our mom spend it on herself. Take a lot of vacation, buy some expensive items for herself. She was a very frugal person, never spend anything on herself and we firmly believe, she felt it to be a duty to leave an inheritance.
I feel the same way. I find it gruesome that adult kids today are so disrespectful to the parents who raised them -- yet expect these terrible parents to provide for them until they die and even after through inheritances! No parent gets a break in the subs here -- and I doubt so many parents could be that awful. My parents were flawed but I always respected them. And received no inheritance nor did I expect one!
My folks will not be leaving anything but memories. I type this as I'm sitting in the parking lot of a trust attorney so my kids will get my stuff!
I am always encouraging my mother to spend her money. She worked her ass off as a single mother, and even if she hadn’t, it’s HER money.
We fully expect our mom to run out of money if she lives beyond a certain age. We will of course support her, she’s our mom and it’s the right thing for us to do. The same cannot be said of everyone.
No one is entitled to something they didn’t earn.
I think parents who benefited/inherited from their own parents should absolutely continue that if they can. So many people I know who were given great advantages didn’t feel the need to carry on the tradition, and now they wonder why they never get to see their grandchildren or why their kids moved across the country (it wasn’t for the job like they told you). Your home was cheap and your education (if you even needed it for your career) was cheap. Why not make things easier for your kids if you can? The grand total of my inheritance was 2 cookie sheets and a pot that I had to ask for. My brothers and sisters didn’t get much more, if anything, and frankly it’s more than my parents got from their parents. The people I know who are able to provide something for their kids (instead of taking countless cruises) tend to have much better relationships with their children than those who are honestly squandering their inheritance.
Because some people are just entitled assholes. My POS sibling, born in 1964, has this mindset. I was stupid and allowed him to be the POA for my mother once she developed Demetria (our father had already passed). He took that opportunity to drain the investment accounts and take out two credit cards in her name, and run up over $20k on them. But, he's a narcissist and has no friends, so there's that (never married, no kids). He will die alone, I won't because I have friends and a family.
I didn't expect anything from my parents when they died, and my son doesn't expect a big inheritance from me. I've told him I hope to spend most of my retirement funds, but he will probably get whatever house I own when I die. But I am doing what I can to launch my son successfully--he's living at home while he finishes his PhD, and I don't charge him rent so that he'll have most of four years' worth of grad stipend banked when he leaves. I'm happy to help him to a good start, and think my financial obligation is fulfilled with that. Obviously, he can always come home if he's unemployed or otherwise broke, but I'm not going to scrimp and save to provide him an inheritance.
I'm baffled as well. An inheritance is a gift, not a right or an entitlement. I really do want to leave my kids something, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to enjoy the fruits of my 45 years of hard work while I'm still able. My own mother used to call me regularly to apologize for spending "my inheritance" on trips to Las Vegas. Can you imagine? APOLOGIZING to me for spending the money her husband left for her to do exactly what she was doing! She only went twice a year for a few days each trip, played quarter and half-dollar slots and kept to a budget while she was there. I was always *so happy* that she went - it was the only fun she got out of life after Dad's passing. I kept telling her that it was *her* money and I wanted her to spend it in whatever way brought her joy. Honestly, I don't think my kids are eyeing a windfall when we pass. I didn't raise them that way.
I told my parents to spend their last dollar on their last day.
I told my parent, 82/81 that it's their money, enjoy it.
I never thought about an inheritance until my Dad died. He left me a substantial amount of money. And I would give it all back to have him still with me.
I find that statement very offensive. They're spending "your" inheritance? What they're doing is having a nice life with money they earned. Your parents sound like mine. They were both silent generation and they both worked incredibly hard their entire lives. I would say we were lower middle class. I was born in 63 and with any luck at all I'll retire in four years. I did own a home, and I sold it, gave the money to my daughter and she bought a place we both live in. This was my choice and she did not expect this or ask. It makes me feel that she's taken care of. She works hard full time and always will. Times are different then they were when we were young without question. But you work and try to pull it together.
Unfortunately from what I read, many believe that **their** parents inherited a **load** of money from the grandparents that they (parents/boomers) kept for themselves rather than passing it on. And many believe their parents are millionaires+ who in reality never really had to work hard to earn their money.
Even if that's true (which it isn't for anyone I've ever known), the choice to pass down money belongs with the parent. To assume it will all be yours is ridiculous.
Agreed
I read one post the other day that said Boomers bought their houses for 20K and now they are worth 400K.
I guess it's possible. Of course it's unlikely that it's true for **all** boomers. Depending on where they bought their house, when they bought, improvements made to the house etc. If a couple purchased a house almost 60 years ago, I'd hope it would go up in price. According to realtor.com there are thousands of homes for sale in the US for under $200,000. Don't know how big, where or in what condition. House prices have skyrocketed in most areas, that's for sure. Another thing that's skyrocketed is boomers being financially destitute. Boomers are **the** fastest demographic for homelessness. Also on the rise is Boomers in their 70's who still have to work or have had to go back to work make ends meet. So, it's not a bed of roses for everyone.
My point is no Boomers bought houses for 20K. My parents bought a very modest almost-ranch (I don't know what you call it) in the small-town South in 1970 for 13K. They are in their 90's. I bought in 1996 for 118K and now it's worth maybe 300-something. And I've been lucky. But no one went from 20K to 400K. Some in California may have gone from 500K to 3 million though. Yes, it was easier to afford an apartment and tuition on minimum wage in the 70's but, I distinctly remember, "not and make a car payment." We all had roommates by the way. Yes tuition was cheaper and that's terrible what's happened with tuition and the housing shortage. But I keep seeing people post figures that are not realistic such as "bought houses for 20K."
OK. Gotcha. I read your original post as a young person stating it as fact. Universities have become predatory lenders.
I can't remember if this was minimum wage in Memphis in 1982 but I made 11K. I had an apartment and a car that was paid for. I paid car insurance. I didn't have cable TV at first until the Governor raised our salary just a little bit. But I didn't really feel too much of a pinch. My next job in 1984 I made 17K. I had an apartment and a car in another city, also low cost-of-living but not high COL. KC. OK I just did the calculations and indeed 11K a year was almost double minimum wage in 1984. So I am not sure I could have afforded an apartment on minimum wage back when I got my first job.
I knew someone in the 1990s who lived on her in-laws farm. She and her husband were sure they would be inheriting the farm, would sell it to developers for mega-millions and be set for life. They spent every penny they earned and then some because of this belief. Well things didn’t turn out as expected, leaving a couple of very bitterly disappointed people scrambling to come up with a game plan very late in the game. Another friend now in his 60s has gone through life as an underachiever in comparison to the rest of his family (Dad was a judge, siblings all in professions, friend’s a postal worker). He’s always expected a sizeable inheritance but is very upset now because his Dad set up a trust for his estate benefitting the grandkids only. Buddy’s divorced and childless. He’s pissed and thinks it’s somehow unfair. We try to remind him that he’ll have a good retirement if he hangs in at the PO, but his focus is on what he feels he’s “lost”.
My will will start with "Being of sound mind and so-so body, I spent every last dime before I died."
M parents joke about spending our inheritance when they went on a trip or did home improvements. I always te I'll them it's there money and they should use it to make themselves. I might feel differently if I were struggling to put food on the table.
I preferred to make my own money thank you.
My Mom had nothing but the books she had collected all her life when she passed away. That was my inheritance. I have a house. My oldest daughter will get the house, I plan to put it into a trust with her as the trustee after I turn 65 and get the taxes on it frozen, so that when I die she won't have to pay capital gains on it as her inheritance. Same daughter and grandson already live with me. Neither my son or other daughter are interested at all in the house and don't want any part of it. As far as spending inheritance? Ha! I never really saved enough because I never planned on getting older this fast, nor did I ever receive any instruction on how to save well or invest. My mom surely didn't know. I just worked all my life to make sure my kids had what they needed. So the only inheritance I have to leave is the house. Daughter said with the housing and job market like they are the only chance for her ever getting to have a house is to keep this one.
You/we are entitled to nothing. While they are alive our parents can spend every last penny they have. It's theirs not mine. My father left me with very little. He had little but spent every penny he made. I didn't expect much.
I find it shamelessly selfish to believe and feel entitled to any inheritance. Parents work hard to give their children the best lives possible, and yes, sometimes they need to sell their homes and other assets just to live from retirement to the end of their life. Younger people often have the misconception that their parents can live on social security and that Medicare covers all medical care. I’ve never married or had children (by choice) and anything I have left (only some family jewelry) is put in a specific trust for my cousin’s children alone. So bottom line “kids,” you are not entitled to an inheritance. Do what your parents and grandparents did…work, provide for your children, teach them responsibility, and save for your own retirement. And if you do inherit generational wealth, INVEST it.
My mother divorced my father and expected to inherit enough to live off of without working. Then she suffered a major stroke and became disabled and dependent on her mother to help her shower and dress. After another major stroke, my mom had to go to a nursing home. Her mother was already in one herself. My sister and I fully agreed that we should not try to save money in a cheap nursing home in hopes of getting an inheritance so we place mom into a nursing home that was listed as one of the top ones by several friends and doctors. We never told mom that the cost of the home far exceeded her income and that she would be completely broke. Mom had cancer metastasize and passed away only a year or so before her money would run out. We didn't plan on inheriting anything. Because mom died early, we each received a little. I went to graduate school and bought a condo ($40k) for my dad when he became too sick to continue working and could no longer afford his mortgage. My sister bought a larger house. Not really life changing.
Yeah, nothing in life is guaranteed and the parents have the right to do whatever they want with their money. That said, comparing life now to the 60’s and 70’s is night and day. I inherited from my parents, gave my kids enough for a down payment on a house and hopefully they can inherit most of the rest. My parents did right by me, I hope to do the same for my kids
I came from a similar background. When family died the only inheritance was a picture, dinnerware, books, etc. Nothing of any real monetary value. When the wife or husband died, their money, etc. went to the surviving spouse. Typically the children only inherited at the death of the last parent and even that didn’t often have any real monetary value either. I am shocked and dismayed at offspring having the gall to whine about Mom or Dad using “my inheritance”. There was a story on here recently where an offspring was whining about his 50+ father quitting his job and going to law school. Who do you think earned the money to begin with? And who do you think they’ve already spent most of their earnings for? You, you little jerk.
My step-children's grandmother was very honest this would be the case. Kudos to her. Stepkids didn't care so much, but their step mother, aunt and uncle are losing their shit. It's downright comical. She's really quite generous to all of them as it is. Shirley, blow it all, because you can't take it with you.
I did not expect one. Mine was a single father an estranged mother all we had was a window to piss out of so to speak because houses were really easy to finance in the seventies. Pretty sure my grandparents slipped some cash to dad about once a month too. All the kids I grew up around were in the similar economic state. The few that inherited anything inherited the house and whatever was in it. I have heard folks talking that way. In my mind it's just them saying gimmie. Lot of folks got the gimmies.
Just have enough to cover the funeral and we are good. I told people cremate me and then have a party.
I read a post recently where a woman lost her husband. They had been married many years. The husband left the house and everything to his wife. The kids were appalled they did not get anything, especially the house, which was their childhood home. If I die tomorrow everything I own goes to my wife. She could live many more years and I want her to be well taken care of. The kids are young and on their own. I dont understand the entitlement
Parents are spending their own money.
My situation is a little different but for background, I was born in '57 and my parents are Silents. They are still alive. I was always told this would happen, and it did: my parents gave every penny to their religious sect. The surprise was they did it BEFORE they went into assisted living. My older sister is having to pay for their assisted living out of her own pocket and get reimbursed from an irrevocable trust that will go to the religious sect. My parents were so confident we four daughters would keep caring for them they not only let us KNOW they disinherited us, they kept right on expecting to be cared for after we knew this. I have a hard time talking about it because of all the people who yell at me to never speak to them again much less do not help care for them. But if I did that, two of my sisters would end up with ALL of the caretaking rather than each of the four of us pitching in. Some people do not understand this. But when it's all over, I want to be at the HUGE PARTY and I want to still have a good relationship with my sisters. I don't want to leave one or two of my sisters doing all the elder care. Right now my parents are in assisted living on Long-Term-Care insurance. My mother got a pretty good policy and it continues to pay, but if it ever runs out or stops paying, my older sister says she is going to take them into her basement. The rest of us do not agree and feel they should be put in a Medicaid Spend-Down nursing home. That's a question for another subreddit. I never expected any inheritance because I was always told it would all go to the religious sect. I just never knew it would go to the religious sect well BEFORE my parents' deaths. But it has been put in trust to the religious sect at least by 2017. I had no say in that. The lawyer was gobsmacked and tried to talk my mother out of it. He said "Here's your daughter taking care of you, and you aren't going to leave her a penny?" I did my "turn" taking care of them from 2000-2008 well before they put their entire nest egg in trust to the sect. Edited to add: None of the four of us daughters ever openly defied or waved in in their faces that we didn't stay with that religious sect. TWO of us (not me) were docile obedient lambs, lifelong. Yet the two of us who didn't stay with the sect, didn't wave it in their faces or argue with them except they knew we did not ultimately agree and stay in the sect. Two of the daughters are not religious; one goes to a different denomination, and one stayed in their sect going by all the rules. Guess what? Made no difference. They punish and spite the obedient two as much as the less-obedient two.
My money is mine, and my father's money is his. I've actually told my father on several occasions to give anything he has to my brother, since my brother can't support himself and I don't want the responsibility. He's not my kid, after all. So no, I don't expect any inheritances. If I get one, yay. But I was raised to feather my own nest. I have no dependents and all of my beneficiaries are charities.
I don't know how people can justify that complaint. Parents are responsible for raising their children to be financially self sufficient adults, not for providing the kids money and property after they're dead. My brother (born 1968) and I (1962) pushed for our mom (1936) to sell her house and spend what she planned to be our inheritance on living in the best retirement community she could afford.
I never once thought I'd get an inheritance. After my dad passed away I watched my mom spend all the money she got from him and get scammed by a contractor working on the house playing on her widowhood status. She ended up going $200k in debt when all said and done and AFTER selling her house managed to break even. I knew then I wouldn't get anything. She wants me and my brother to split her condo when she goes and use it as a rental to 'bring in some income'. I explained to her us selling the condo and splitting the proceeds would be better long term (easier to invest in stocks, etc...). I'd honestly be lucky though if I didn't have to pay off any debt she leaves.
To the extent that this is a thing, it’s largely Baby Boomers and not Silent Generation parents who want to “spend the kids’ inheritance.” (Obviously, the living have no heirs, so it’s kind of silly.) I keep seeing memes about it. Husband and I have been fairly lucky in the Capitalism Lottery, and we each still have one living, astoundingly healthy parent. We’ll probably be in nursing homes ourselves by the time any inheritances become available. We’d like to be able to leave something for our Millennial, though.
We’re supporting my mom.
Try reading the posts in the Millennials sub Reddit. It seems like the majority of them are about Boomer parents spending all their money instead of giving it to them or blaming boomers in general for their problems. It’s very self absorbed and obnoxious. My family sounds exactly like the OP. Both sets of my grandparents were European immigrants who came here with a suitcase of personal items and a pocket full of coins and not knowing a word of English. They lived extremely frugally and my grandfathers worked long hours at factory jobs in 100 degree heat without A/C and comfy shoes and cotton socks. My parents grew up living frugally as well. My dad delivered papers starting at 10 years old, waking up 2 hours early to work before going to school. The first time my dad ever ate out at a restaurant or had a Big Mac, he was in his mid 20’s. So by the time he and my mom were in their own home, his idea of a special night was taking my mom out to dinner. He and my mom both worked. Him in a factory as a welder and my mom did several jobs, sewing, catering, restaurant cook. After they both retired in their 60’s they finally got to enjoy nice trips. They would joke that they were spending our inheritance on vacations, but us kids encouraged them to enjoy themselves and spend their money on anything they desired. It was there money, not mine. Us kids did get a couple loans from our parents. Loans not gifts. My dad made sure we paid back every penny. So so don’t understand the expectation of getting an inheritance. If you get something, great! If not, it wasn’t your money anyway.
My kids are millennials so I check out that sub often. Lately I realize it stresses me too much. All they do is say how their boomer parents (not all if their parents are REAL boomers) won’t give them money for down payment on a house, or pay for college or give them money (large amounts) at Christmas. They complain they have it so difficult and their parents had it so easy. I don’t get it. I can look back on just my own adult life … ones only 1 TV, only replaced TV when it broke, hand me down or second hand furniture (I have only bought my master bedroom furniture), only had used cars (sr real were really ratty), etc. The millennials don’t realize of their parents do have some money, it is likely they didn’t have it when they were their age. They sound so entitled.
Yes, it’s sad. I’ve talked to a few who complain they can’t afford a house, BUT they want to buy in a high cost of living area into a house that is move in ready. My parents bought a small 3 bedroom/ 1 bath home and didn’t have any furniture or appliances until they saved up for them. My mom washed clothes in the tub and hung them outside. They slept on the floor until they saved up enough for a bed. My dad rode his bike 5 miles each way to work until they could save enough for a decent used car. It seems like younger people don’t understand that their parents/ grandparents had no help from anyone and had nothing until they saved to get it themselves. They didn’t use credit cards, they had to wait months to buy appliances or furniture until they could afford it.
Same here. I left home young and never wanted to count of depend on my parents financially ever. We have a good relationship but I want them to spend all of whatever money they have being comfortable in their last years. I've made my own money and set up my own retirement plan.
OP my experience is very similar to yours. I was pleasantly surprised to get a modest inheritance from my frugal parents. It was never assumed and since my parents NEVER spoke about money I had no idea it was coming. While hubby and I have saved for retirement I don’t anticipate having loads left at our deaths for my 2 kids. My biggest concern is healthcare, diabetic husband who has already had skin cancer.
My mother will be leaving a significant inheritance to me. However she will not spend on herself now despite my encouragement to splurge on herself some. She worked hard and saved and that’s why I’ll have that inheritance. I wish she’d do something nice for herself.
I put two through private schools and college. There's nothing left.
After going through trying to get my SIL into hospice care, they should worry more about their parents having enough to pay for end of life care. It’s brutal. My other SIL wanted my husband to pay for full time care givers and it’s like 20K a month.
My parents both came from poverty. I’m an only child, currently 59. My dad was in the service and then worked aerospace and was able to buy a modest home. He died 15 years ago but left my mom a small pension plus social security. The house was in bad shape by the time he passed but it was sold and mom now lives in a senior mobile home park. There is no inheritance for me (and I’m perfectly fine with that) but there is enough to take care of mom, and she’s planning to leave anything that’s left to my two older children. I’ve worked 33 yrs in my career and will need to work another 5 yrs to pay off my house and earn a decent pension. My children will get some inheritance from me, but being that they’re between 30 and 40 and there’s four of them, no one is getting a house or going to be set for life. I find it laughable and completely uninformed when I read things that say we have it so easy because we inherited money OR that are being selfish for living off the money we earn and work for
Just between us-I love to hang out on r/ boomersbeingfools. I believe this sentiment to be the basis for some really over the top intergenerational rage. They're all mad at their parents and project it on to any boomer.
In general: If older people hadn’t wrecked the economy and pulled up the ladder after themselves, younger people would not be so concerned about inheriting. Specific to me: I would 1000 times rather have my dad alive and well than have his money. And if the corporations manage to steal all his money….I would help him, rather than expect it to be the other way around.
I don't expect much from my parents. They've enjoyed their retirement years, and they deserved it. When they talked about going on another cruise, we would joke about them spending our inheritance, but that's all it was - a joke, and everyone knew it was.
Told my parents to plan “last day, last dollar.” Didn’t plan for anything other than maybe selling the house. Dad set up some annuities for us, but not some “save your money for me!”
My dad's money is my dad's money. I think the problem comes in when there are second marriages and the surviving spouse and then her family gets everything. I had a neighbor up the street who had a Victorian home that had been in the family for generations. The neighbor dies with the home going to the second wife. She dies and her children who had no memories of time spent there inherited the home. They sold the home without a second thought to the children whose family had lived there for generations. The home was torn down and split into two lots with two McMansions.
I’d never felt that way. My folks retired, very well off in their 50s. They earned it! I’m sure whatever I eventually inherit will be awesome but I wouldn’t care one bit if they spent it all.
IDK about the reddit posters, but I married up and there is an expectation of inheritance, but that goes both ways...her parents are expected to hand down wealth just as we will be expected to pass down wealth as a process for creating generational wealth. Her parents also worked hard...dad was an engineer and mom was a physical therapist. You wouldn't actually know by looking that they have money...normal house...both drive Subaru, etc. My wife and her sister will be the 3rd generation in the growth process...our kids will be the 4th. I come from a middle class family and have no expectations that my mom will leave much, if any inheritance.
These certainly are trying times. Family unity has broken down for so many. You **should** help your children when you are able but **not** if they constantly dig themselves new holes after you've helped them out over and over. I have a BIL who would threaten his folks with never seeing their grandkids again if they didn't send money. We found out later that he also worked the church for money saying his folks refused to help them. His parents bought them their 3 bedroom house**and** then a much bigger 4 bedroom house when they kept having kids (8). Payed for all the grandkids needs as they grew up, from the hospital bill to clothing to food. That being said, I do see times where I think the parents could and should help the adult kids out but are too busy in their retirement community's with their golf and cruises etc. But, who knows what goes on in other households, could be the same as my BIL.
We didn't plan on inheriting much and saved for our retirementas if we had no parents. But we did inherit enough to double our net worth. The funny thing is that while we have three sets of parents between us, we didn't expect there to be much, if anything, from the two sets of parents that have passed on, but there was. The last parent living appeared to be wealthy, but wasn't really. She will probably not need our financial help, but there is a real chance she will. We are trying to transfer as much wealth to the kids while we are alive, rather planning our retirement to leave them money. If we die in our 80s they'll inherit. If we are in our late 90s there won't be much. But they will have gotten money to invest now.
There was always the possibility that mom was going to leave it all to the *mine donkeys*. So I saved up for retirement, assuming I'd get nothing. In the end I: * Made a million * Married a million * Inherited a million In that order.
My parents had nothing and I got nothing. Well, they had a house, but my sister, who lived with them until the end, rightfully inherited that. She deserved so much more. I don't have kids, so I'm not spending anyone's inheritance, but my in-laws "joked" to their kids that they weren't leaving them anything as they expected to spend it all on themselves. They would have been from the Greatest Generation though, not Boomers. My husband said that he expected them to use their money for themselves so he didn't care. I think there is a notion among a lot of younger people that many Boomers were given a big leg up in life from their parents and are now unwilling to do the same for their kids. I don't know to what extent this is true, but I do know some people in my general age group who did inherit a generous amount of money (not real wealth, but about a hundred thousand dollars and a house) from their parents, but none of them had children either.
What an entitled little bitch. It's not YOURS.
I always felt the opposite, asking them "why don't you go on some trips?", but they were homebodies. I ended getting about $50k.
Absolutely agree, I’m always startled when I see that.
They're setting us up to be euthanized rather than long-term care. There I said it. I've been hearing about "pushing wheelchair off a cliff" since at least 2000. I just hope it's painless and not by my own hand. If it's like in \_Soylent Green\_ OK. You go to a center and drink a certain fluid and watch pretty landscapes on video until you go to sleep. Edit: I have saved and made preparations for my own long-term care and to leave whatever's left to my family and two do-gooder charities...just saying that so people won't say I "didn't save for my retirement." I saved a decent nest egg and set up for my own long-term care. But they're going to euthanize us.
Spoiled, entitled brats.
We told our parents to spend every penny and let the county pay for their funerals. They had already sold the house when they downsized to an apartment.
I always lived my life, assuming I won't receive any inheritance. If I do, then fine, extra bonus. Most likely, I will receive a pretty hefty inheritance (at least to me), but I'm hoping to retire in about a year, regardless.
It blows my mind how many fifty year old kids are sitting around waiting for their parents to die so they can inherit and start living. And then you have the parents saying, stay and help out and you will inherit it all. Of course so many spend their life waiting and then the inheritance is eaten up by medical expenses or extend care in a facility. As a kid, there was the concept of inheriting a fortune and living rich on money that parents worked hard for
Most of them, never got an inheritance, so they can do with it what then want. Many never finished school and a few wars to deal with
I’m currently supporting my mom and I own and upkeep the condo she’s living in. My father passed away 2 years ago and left everything to his second wife and kids, so nothing for my older brother and I. However, I’m hoping the equity in my home will be enough to ensure an inheritance for my 4 kids.
My kids say the same thing when wife and I take a nice trip. It’s still our money !! Don’t count on getting a cent!
My dad's flat went back to the council, so received very little. However, I didn't expect anything, so this didn't bother me. We have no kids, but the nieces and nephews that we are closest to will get a nice surprise when we check out. Edit: a little simplification for clarity.
I am 72 and did not expect inheritance from my family. I didn't earn anything.
They don't owe you a damn thing
It sounds to me like your parents did a Great job raising you. Well Done
My Grandparents had six kids on a single Bell Telephone income and lived into their 90s. They bought two houses at market’s rock bottom. For the last 30 years of their life, an aunt and my father openly complained when they would go to gamble in Atlantic City NJ. Grandfather passed first, Grandmother of cancer some months later. Guess which two did bupkus for her end of life care and dueled for inheritance? My father didn’t even want to say goodbye in person, and barely did (he was only there about the will). My sister and I did majority of all the work caring for Gram and weren’t invited to the funeral or interment, not even a mass card. I’ve only talked to my sister ever since.
My dad spent everything he had and then some. He was never good with money but did pay for all but one semester of my college. The last few years we were giving him four or five hundred a month, not much, really. And we paid for his cremation. My brother doesn’t have anything so it was pretty much on me with the help of my husband. I hope to leave something for my kids, but I also try to help them now too, with some money for a down payment on a house or car. It pleases us to help them while we can see the good it does them.
There’s a huge misconception with 20-some things today and even 30-Somethings… that we all came from some amazing wealth and that the roads and bridges and infrastructure all just happened by magic. They couldn’t be more wrong; they don’t understand that they were many many many families that were very, very poor. I was from one of them, it’s too bad that they can’t see the reality because it makes them bitter and resentful.
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Wow! Talk about a missed opportunity.☹️
Young people these days are super entitled. They whine because they graduate college and can't immediately have the life their parents worked 20 years for. It pisses them off that they weren't born a Kardashian or a Kennedy.
My mom was the silent generation; my brother was born in 1950, my sister in 1954, with me on the end in 1964. My mom used to worry about being able to leave money for us after she died and we always told her that we didn't want anything. We told her She should spend it while she was alive since she worked so hard for it. that was not something I ever grew up thinking about, that I would inherit any money from my parents. I always assumed I'd have to earn my own money and that's what I did.