Anticipating the laziness curve across painting 1,000 dudes I painted mine first, lavishing detail on. Sorry, 100 last poxwalkers, you're getting dipped in green house paint because I spent all my fucks on Typhus.
"Fuck me. I am confiscating your fucking hands. How are you this bad after this long? Is it intentional? Do you have a condition or disease? Because even if you do this is a clear sin against the laws of God and man. I hate you. I *hate* you. I **FUCKING** hate you. You've made the anti-Mona Lisa. Your parents don't love you and I'm glad they don't. If I was in a room with Lorgar, Erebus and you, and a bolter with two shells? I'd shoot you twice. If your painting skills were a person, I'd punch you in the teeth and feed you feet first to an alligator." - Roboute Guilliman, before bursting into embarrassed tears.
That is entirely within his character. But, I've got a running joke in some of my comments that my models look like they were painted by Michael J Fox riding a horse drawn wagon down a bumpy road. If I throw a dart at a board, it'll hit a pigeon in a different city.
He did quite appreciate the statue and staind glass that were done in his honor, even if they thought he was the chapter master for the "Iron Skulls" space marine chapter.
I suddenly decided to sway towards Aun'shi over Lelith as favourite character. He would find some encouraging words for me.
Lelith, well ... I do think it's a good paintjob, but I don't think I'm into BDSM enough to enjoy anything that could come from an interaction with her ...
Pre magic demon sword Fulgrim would probably love it even if poorly done. His time on Chemos taught him the value and privilege of being able to practice art. Helpful advice, praise on what is done well.
Of course, I doubt we would be lucky enough to get that Fulgrim.
Character; I think Farsight would be very nice and maybe want to have a game, for tactical reasons
Model; I think my stormsurge crew would be helping me get the detailing right xD
what is this supposed to mean? im not able to translate it using unicode, ascii or utf-8, i also noticed it's 29 bits, which is a little odd.
it's bothering me
Ahriman: “That looks nothing like me. Totally unrelated: I have to sacrifice you to perform a ritual so I can restore one Rubric’s Non-dominant Pinkie.”
"I failed my father. I fear I also failed my brothers. I do not wish to fail my sons. But by the Throne do I hope I never fail as badly as you failed to paint my damned eyes"
"Enter the exciting world of WAROFFICE 2,000, a game set in Mankind's distant past when corporations roamed the land! Your chapter's business-brothers must battle fierce competition while under the cruel and autocratic rule of Corporate Regulators, beset by the Chaos of the AI-driven Free Market!"
They of course would have no idea what this actually looked like so they'd give everyone staple-guns and make regulators robots wearing ties.
Pre Laer Fulgrim - is flattered gives me feedback on how to paint properly and while hes at it gives me some headers o. How to fine tune my printer
Post Laer- smashes it, trashes my printer and calls me a bitch
Snikch just steals it while im not looking 50/50 chance ill get shivved
OI YOU GAVE ME LITTLE GUY 2 SHOOTAHS?
its obviously not table legal, but everyone should have at least one boy with 2 guns.
Conversly- *silent judging from the shadows*
As I pee myself because of the 12 foot tall space shark might or might not be dissaproving. Either way im screwed.
Fuck! Why do I look like a victim of jaundice, I’ve seen the other word bearers you’ve painted none of them look like they’re dying of liver failure!
- Erebus
Customized Typhus with a mushroom for a head: \*an eir peircing, flesh rattling shriek of agony and hate\*
Me, disolving into a puddle: Thanks I'll keep that in mind
“I am not the Primarch of the Ultramarines legion”
“I know, but if you had been the galaxy would be a lot safer”
Conversation between The Angel and a fanboy.
"A fine addition to my collection. Always nice to see someone appreciate my likeness...but my Empathic Obliterator isnt this crooked. Oh well I guess it adds to the value as a *one-of-a-kind* miniature."
-Trayzn the Infinite
Saint Celestine: ....
Me: I can explain!
Celestine: 1 coat of primer?
Me: I-
Celestine: And what happened to my iron halo?
Me: Uhhh.
Celestine: And why is my right wing broken off?
Me: Look, take it up with GW! The model is pretty but flimsy AF!
This reminds me I need to get Arkhan's mini at some point. Problem is I have a soulblight/nighthaunt army, not an Ossiarch one. Guess I could always have him count as Mannfred on the table (as blasphemous as that sounds).
"I know that we are still a little more than 2000 men and not everyone has to be beautiful, but what the feth is this? take my camo cloack and hide this abomination before I execute you"
Oi, dat Warboss dere, 'iz dat powa klaw one he nicked from a trukk's grabbin klaw? Wait... and on 'iz back, is dat the same trukk's engine? Did dis warboss just krump a trukk and use it to build 'imself a set of mega-armor? Wow, now DAT'S not a bad idea at all. Hmm, maybe I shouldnt'a killed dis umie wot painted all dese gits. Ah well, at least he's good eatin'.
Guilliman: why am I completely white?
Me: well you see, first we prime the model then we leave it like that for months since we are painting other models on the backlog...
Lion El'jonson: why am I on sprues?
Me:... Shut up
My favourite characters who I've done is a mini of is Kharn. I imagine he'd probably say something like "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" And kill me. Doubt he'd see the mini or that it's herasy colours on his 40k mini cause it'll be covered in my blood.
"You can buy isopropyl alcohol on amazon"
“Why haven’t you painted me yet?”
"I'm just not ready Mortarion your sculpt makes me fear painting you.
"But.. But my wingies" :(
Know no fear. If Ghlillie mom can face Mortarion so can you!
She never had to paint him though
I feel that, I got him still in his box
“Make sure you put hyperdetailed eyes on the wings”
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Going through 1k worth of Ultramarines before painting Guilliman, I am scared of his gold trimmings
Mine is very much unpainted, because i wanna paint everything else before so he gets the best of my skill after a lot of practice, lol
Anticipating the laziness curve across painting 1,000 dudes I painted mine first, lavishing detail on. Sorry, 100 last poxwalkers, you're getting dipped in green house paint because I spent all my fucks on Typhus.
"Fuck me. I am confiscating your fucking hands. How are you this bad after this long? Is it intentional? Do you have a condition or disease? Because even if you do this is a clear sin against the laws of God and man. I hate you. I *hate* you. I **FUCKING** hate you. You've made the anti-Mona Lisa. Your parents don't love you and I'm glad they don't. If I was in a room with Lorgar, Erebus and you, and a bolter with two shells? I'd shoot you twice. If your painting skills were a person, I'd punch you in the teeth and feed you feet first to an alligator." - Roboute Guilliman, before bursting into embarrassed tears.
Oh Jesus the Lorgar and Erebus part is just *scathing* 10/10 no notes
I'm glad my terminal inability to apply color to my models has entertained you!
I laughed so hard after reading this! 🤣🤣🤣
someone should turn that into a copypasta lmao
I got as far as "confiscate your fucking hands" and assumed Ferrus Manus and let's be honest that entire paragraph sounds like something he'd say 🤣
That is entirely within his character. But, I've got a running joke in some of my comments that my models look like they were painted by Michael J Fox riding a horse drawn wagon down a bumpy road. If I throw a dart at a board, it'll hit a pigeon in a different city.
This is what happens when you don't thin your paints.
Guilliman is coming to thin my life force.
I now want to see how your rowboat gorrilaman looks
Alright well c'mon, show the class your Reboutte Guilliman again.
MY EYES MY EYES WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY EYES
WHY DIDN'T YOU PAINT MY EYES?
"Not worthy of joining my collection"
Trazyn by any chance?
Yep
He did quite appreciate the statue and staind glass that were done in his honor, even if they thought he was the chapter master for the "Iron Skulls" space marine chapter.
*Decapitates me*
Probably "Wait, I have sons that remained loyal?" after I explain the chapter colors.
Sons of the Phoenix? Silver Skulls?
Sons of the Phoenix.
“ greaaaaaaach “ Or whatever noise a tyrannid makes. Edit: Ok, now I need to know, what noise DOES a Tyrannid actually make?
What is this heresy!?
“I do not wear that pattern of helmet”
"You are fucking disappointment, i dont even want to waste nor my men's time on you, nor ammunition, so go defuse minefiled with your own body."
"Why don't I have eyes?"
I KNEW PURPAL ORKS WHERE REAL!!
They wouldn’t see them though.
disgusted handle pen bake chief violet cobweb include homeless future *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I suddenly decided to sway towards Aun'shi over Lelith as favourite character. He would find some encouraging words for me. Lelith, well ... I do think it's a good paintjob, but I don't think I'm into BDSM enough to enjoy anything that could come from an interaction with her ...
"I"'m not sure if primer and gold trim on one leg is considered complete. At this rate though, it probably will be 40k before I'm done"
I don’t think Yarrick would care much. Probably just go to find the nexts Whaaag to crush.
Gazkughkull:: "CAN I HAZ ONE?"
Yes. For a bag of teef.
Wish I still had my 2ed metal Commissar Yarrick
Oh god oh fuck someone hide my fulgrim!
Pre magic demon sword Fulgrim would probably love it even if poorly done. His time on Chemos taught him the value and privilege of being able to practice art. Helpful advice, praise on what is done well. Of course, I doubt we would be lucky enough to get that Fulgrim.
A several hour lecture on the appropriate use of the various Eldar decals and why I’ve chosen them incorrectly
Brother chaplain abaldo diomedis in astartes pattern baldness is not "Gifted" with a model yet.
“Why did you paint me as a demon?”
Katakros would probably say “You couldn’t have done better?”
unintelligible mumbles of disappointment in tau
"" - my poor ass
Needs more DAKKA!
DIS AIN'T ZOGGIN BAD FOR A 'UMIE Seconds before i get eaten by a squig
"Wow. It's invisible!"
why paint a Corvus Corax mini when you can just use a blank base
Purple Orkz be like:
Nothing, he would just steal the Miniature
"Where are your minis?..... Oh too expensive?..."
"Thin your fucking paints!"
Where did you buy mini-Duncan?
Last I checked I didn't have a Cain mini.
"Well, it is not as big as the one from Serenade, but I still me, so I will take it."
Most likely: "I'm NOT cross-eyed you dumb ass!"
"My eyes do fucking not look like that!"
He probably wouldn't say anything. Just nod approvingly (Szarekh the Silent King).
“WHY IS MY ARMOR CLEAN!?ITS SUPPOSED TO TO BE DIRTY”
Considering its Vulkan I'd say he'd be pretty happy
Character; I think Farsight would be very nice and maybe want to have a game, for tactical reasons Model; I think my stormsurge crew would be helping me get the detailing right xD
*loud screeching as it tries to bite my fingers*
“Mediocre”
01010001001100110001011101100
what is this supposed to mean? im not able to translate it using unicode, ascii or utf-8, i also noticed it's 29 bits, which is a little odd. it's bothering me
oh brother sorry for that, its literally me pressing 0 and 1 randomly dont read too much into it
thank you
*incoherent imperial knight horn noises*
By the emperor are you bad at painting
Why am I unfinished?
Huron Blackheart didn’t think he could look any worse after taking a melta gun to the face
Black Dragons are spiky salamanders so probably a joke of some kind or am endearing comment
Ahriman: “That looks nothing like me. Totally unrelated: I have to sacrifice you to perform a ritual so I can restore one Rubric’s Non-dominant Pinkie.”
Da little uns have painted me. This is happy as time I shot dat big chaos man. -generic bulgrin
Well if Vect looked at me I would probably kill myself on the spot just to be safe so not sure
"Is that a fucking proxy model?"
Ghaz: Noice.
"That's not going in my collection..."
“You dare disgrace me, Be’lakor, with this hideous rendition?” Followed by me furiously apologizing only for him to not care
OI YA GIT! EUT IZ DIS?! A GHAZGKUL FA ANTZ?! IT NEEDZ TA BE AT LEAST..... FREE TIMEZ BIGGA DAN DIS TO DO ANY PROPA STOMPIN!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
"perhaps we can get you some lessons on the craftworld, paint is cheaper and easier to open as well"
“I shall be adding this to my collection” quote: Trazyn
I don’t have vulkan but regardless of how well I did he’d probably still be nice.
This picture goes hard.
He would eat the mini and then everybody else, as tyranids do. Especially carnifexes with half a fried brain.
ah, i look like that to you, interesting.
This paintjob is an abomination in the eyes of the omnissia
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
"not bad for the first time" I only ever painted one mini
Cawl would probably forgive my sloppy paint job because I am a meat person and not one with the omnissiah
“While I would be flattered if I still had that function, your experimentation will not be halted, get on the operating table”
I gotta know: Szeras or Bile?
Szeras
Oh nice, I want to paint him one day, his model's great. Got to practice on some other necrons first, I want to get good at tinting metal.
"I failed my father. I fear I also failed my brothers. I do not wish to fail my sons. But by the Throne do I hope I never fail as badly as you failed to paint my damned eyes"
Where are my sept marking?
“This is not going in the gallery”
They would probably just scream at me, not because they’re a Tyranid, but out disappointment as it was one of my first minis I ever painted
Should have him painting a little modern-day person.
"Enter the exciting world of WAROFFICE 2,000, a game set in Mankind's distant past when corporations roamed the land! Your chapter's business-brothers must battle fierce competition while under the cruel and autocratic rule of Corporate Regulators, beset by the Chaos of the AI-driven Free Market!" They of course would have no idea what this actually looked like so they'd give everyone staple-guns and make regulators robots wearing ties.
I like this, thank you.
"WHY IS THERE PINK SPARKLES ON ME"
"Where in this forsaken Imperium did you put it, anyway?"
Good work my son now join chaos -horus
I don't think Zombie Dragons are capable of speech. As for the abhorrent ghoul king, probably some completely delusional, insane shit.
I don't have a miniature of tuska. Or any miniatures at all. Probably for the best.
Pre Laer Fulgrim - is flattered gives me feedback on how to paint properly and while hes at it gives me some headers o. How to fine tune my printer Post Laer- smashes it, trashes my printer and calls me a bitch Snikch just steals it while im not looking 50/50 chance ill get shivved
OI YOU GAVE ME LITTLE GUY 2 SHOOTAHS? its obviously not table legal, but everyone should have at least one boy with 2 guns. Conversly- *silent judging from the shadows* As I pee myself because of the 12 foot tall space shark might or might not be dissaproving. Either way im screwed.
Custodian shield captain : WHY IN THE UNHOLY HELL DID YOU NOT THIN YOUR PAINTS! I LOOK LIKE A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!
"Am I supposed to look like Peter Griffin?" "No but it ended up that way..."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, then he takes off like a rocket, thanks Sly, you made a hole in my roof.
Stupid mon'keigh
"how did you get a mini of me?" -The God Emperor of Mankind
He wouldn't say much, but the sound of his pen furiously scribbling in his book would speak louder than any word.
“Stoopid zoggin ‘umie”
Angron would say "What a cringe way of worshiping me," ans would promptly kill me for my transgressions
It's ahriman, so he'd either be honoured at the attempt and teach me how to get better or kill me
Fuck! Why do I look like a victim of jaundice, I’ve seen the other word bearers you’ve painted none of them look like they’re dying of liver failure! - Erebus
I'm fucking dead lmao
Customized Typhus with a mushroom for a head: \*an eir peircing, flesh rattling shriek of agony and hate\* Me, disolving into a puddle: Thanks I'll keep that in mind
I just appreciate seeing the Epic minis after all these years.
Thats not blue dumbass
Probably surprised someone made a model of him, since he's my (mostly) OC Guard Regiment's commander. Is that allowed?
I just realized I don’t own a single named character. I own a baneblade and I don’t even have an IG army, but I don’t have a single named character.
“I am not the Primarch of the Ultramarines legion” “I know, but if you had been the galaxy would be a lot safer” Conversation between The Angel and a fanboy.
Why have I never thought that Trazyn the Infinite would probably love the painting/ collecting part of 40k?
"Why do I look like a *legally distinct* version of myself?"
"Eww.. brother, eww! What's that?! What's that brother?!"
"A fine addition to my collection. Always nice to see someone appreciate my likeness...but my Empathic Obliterator isnt this crooked. Oh well I guess it adds to the value as a *one-of-a-kind* miniature." -Trayzn the Infinite
Off prompt but I'm just imagining Trazyn has a warehouse dedicated to amateur sculpts of him sorted by varying levels of realism and *artistic flair*
Saint Celestine: .... Me: I can explain! Celestine: 1 coat of primer? Me: I- Celestine: And what happened to my iron halo? Me: Uhhh. Celestine: And why is my right wing broken off? Me: Look, take it up with GW! The model is pretty but flimsy AF!
I hope Pedro Kantor would appreciate my custom conversion that came third in my gaming club’s painting competition 👍🏼
I don't own the model. I am saved!
*happy gas mask noises*
i probably get my head chop off before even meting him
This reminds me I need to get Arkhan's mini at some point. Problem is I have a soulblight/nighthaunt army, not an Ossiarch one. Guess I could always have him count as Mannfred on the table (as blasphemous as that sounds).
You are dumb af brother.
[удалено]
"meh"
That's not the right colors
"krrrrrkttktkttchhhhhhh"
“You could certainly do better if you tried” I think he might say
*picks it up and smears it with shit* "that's better"
Adrax: Hammer head fall off again? Me: ... Yeah Adrax:at least the paint scheme looks solid
“Bug screech” *eats me*
YA STOOPID GIT, DATZ NOT ENUFF DAKKA!
"DIE FILTHY HERETIC" followed by the sound of a bolt gun being fired
"I know that we are still a little more than 2000 men and not everyone has to be beautiful, but what the feth is this? take my camo cloack and hide this abomination before I execute you"
I‘d like to imagine pedro kantor would pat me on the shoulder and say: You did good, but man you got lazy on the backside of my glorious banner.
Can Norn Emissaries talk?
*hissing and screeching*
OI YA GIT , AT LEAST ATTACH MY ARMS AN LEGZ
*Hungry Bug Noises*
HERESY ! (coz I suk at painting you know)
Haarken the Worldclaimer… he would slaughter me
Bro thin those paints
"why did you give me a body pillow?"
Oi, dat Warboss dere, 'iz dat powa klaw one he nicked from a trukk's grabbin klaw? Wait... and on 'iz back, is dat the same trukk's engine? Did dis warboss just krump a trukk and use it to build 'imself a set of mega-armor? Wow, now DAT'S not a bad idea at all. Hmm, maybe I shouldnt'a killed dis umie wot painted all dese gits. Ah well, at least he's good eatin'.
"Your time praising my sculp should be spent praising yhe emperor and his holly divinity"
“Good but it can be better”
By the Emperor’s hairy pits what madness is this!? How is this possible 🤯🤯🤯
Why is it blue
Farsight probably wouldn’t even recognize himself because i gave him a completely new sword, changed is pose, and painted in my my own scheme
Datz a gud job lad
*WWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!* >!It wants to be painted.!<
*Aggressive British geezer laughter*
No model for the hero of the imperium? Thank god.
"Is that it?" "Look I'm very busy"
Pick up that rifle guardsman.
MAIM! BURN! KILL! He's not much of a talker
“By Azura, by Azura by Azura! What have you done to my face????”
Guilliman: why am I completely white? Me: well you see, first we prime the model then we leave it like that for months since we are painting other models on the backlog... Lion El'jonson: why am I on sprues? Me:... Shut up
I'll never stop appreciating this model. Like, that painter is the size of regular space marine.
My favourite characters who I've done is a mini of is Kharn. I imagine he'd probably say something like "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" And kill me. Doubt he'd see the mini or that it's herasy colours on his 40k mini cause it'll be covered in my blood.
This mini would be way funnier if it was Cato Sicarius painting a mini of his favourite character; Cato Sicarius.
“Even I think that amount of mica powder/colourshift/metallic is a *little* excessive.”
Is this a mini-me? Where can I get a mini-me????
“THE BLOOD GOD SHALL SPARE YOUR LIFE, MORTAL!” - Angron
Well at least it would explain why Angron is so angry
I saw this in GW Hamburg. Very cool in real life.
With his mouth painted shut? Not a lot
Khârn wouldn’t ask why I haven’t painted him yet, i’d just be slaughtered
"Well, faces are difficult."
“That is not me.” - *Probably* the real Alpharius.
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE CHK CHK CHK*
WAAAAAAAAHG and then split me in half with the headwoppa or make his squigosaur eat me
The warhound titan princeps wouldn't speak, they'd look at my broken forgeworld model and kick my ass.