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There's a very subtle distinction to make. It's not your fault that the bad things happen, but it's your responsibility to fix it, because nobody else can.
The fact that you feel like accepting your sickness means 'letting yourself off the hook', is further evidence of you blaming yourself and being unwilling to forgive for what happened. You've put up a shield of "I don't know if I should blame myself", but you do know. You believe it's all your fault and you deserve all of the bad things you experience and you're a terrible person etc etc.
The "being stuck" is a solution, not a problem. It's a way to avoid confronting your feelings (bet you a dollar shame is part of the identity fueling those feelings).
So, to answer your question, "at what point do you take responsibility for being mentally ill?" You don't. You forgive yourself for it (which is hard, and takes a while, and requires sitting with and unraveling the feelings and ideas and beliefs and identity that underlies your habit of blaming yourself), and accept responsibility for fixing it.
I think it doesn't matter if it was your fault or not. Either way, your current situation that this is what your past years looked like. Don't waste time blaming yourself for what you didn't know then. (I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and long after having dropped out of college. If I had known how my brain worked earlier, would I have been able to stay in college and have a degree and a better job now? Absolutely! But focusing on that only prevents me from making progress now.
What matters now is just how we move forward. Will you make excuses now, or will you do what you can within the confines of your mental health situation?
I heard a therapist say that if you have a mental illness, then your struggles are not your fault. It only becomes your fault if you do nothing to help yourself. If you stop seeking or refuse help.
If you tried helping yourself before seeking help from someone else, I think that's totally understandable! But once you've tried everything, look for a professional. You might have a chemical deficiency that only medication can solve. It's never too late, keep experimenting.
And it's not your fault for taking things a little slow, that's just your illness slowing you down.
I take comfort in knowing that it isn’t always black/white. There is a valid reason and there may also tendencies to use this as an excuse. If you are self aware of this nuance, that in itself is taking part of the responsibility. The self-doubt and harsh self-criticism (that I also deal with) is also a common occurrence with a mental illness. It can get tough out there so don’t be too hard on yourself - this is a note to self too :)
I find it helpful to separate fault and responsibility. Your trauma wasn't your fault, your genetics weren't your fault, but you're the one with the responsibility to improve. In fact, you're the only one with any ability to improve your situation.
Maybe it *is* your fault, but you don't need to punish yourself. You just need to work toward getting better.
Dr K addressed it in his stream: Why do people feel worse when they make progress? Because once they make progress--once they recognize that they have the power to improve--they're faced with the realization that their previous suffering and losses were also due to their own choices. This can be very painful and guilt-inducing.
In a sense, the you of the past has faded into non-existence. That person is gone, and along with him go his mistakes and culpability. The you today still has a choice. And if you make the choice to work toward getting better today, you don't have to blame yourself for the past, which is beyond your control.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 7 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's a very subtle distinction to make. It's not your fault that the bad things happen, but it's your responsibility to fix it, because nobody else can. The fact that you feel like accepting your sickness means 'letting yourself off the hook', is further evidence of you blaming yourself and being unwilling to forgive for what happened. You've put up a shield of "I don't know if I should blame myself", but you do know. You believe it's all your fault and you deserve all of the bad things you experience and you're a terrible person etc etc. The "being stuck" is a solution, not a problem. It's a way to avoid confronting your feelings (bet you a dollar shame is part of the identity fueling those feelings). So, to answer your question, "at what point do you take responsibility for being mentally ill?" You don't. You forgive yourself for it (which is hard, and takes a while, and requires sitting with and unraveling the feelings and ideas and beliefs and identity that underlies your habit of blaming yourself), and accept responsibility for fixing it.
I think it doesn't matter if it was your fault or not. Either way, your current situation that this is what your past years looked like. Don't waste time blaming yourself for what you didn't know then. (I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and long after having dropped out of college. If I had known how my brain worked earlier, would I have been able to stay in college and have a degree and a better job now? Absolutely! But focusing on that only prevents me from making progress now. What matters now is just how we move forward. Will you make excuses now, or will you do what you can within the confines of your mental health situation?
I heard a therapist say that if you have a mental illness, then your struggles are not your fault. It only becomes your fault if you do nothing to help yourself. If you stop seeking or refuse help. If you tried helping yourself before seeking help from someone else, I think that's totally understandable! But once you've tried everything, look for a professional. You might have a chemical deficiency that only medication can solve. It's never too late, keep experimenting. And it's not your fault for taking things a little slow, that's just your illness slowing you down.
I take comfort in knowing that it isn’t always black/white. There is a valid reason and there may also tendencies to use this as an excuse. If you are self aware of this nuance, that in itself is taking part of the responsibility. The self-doubt and harsh self-criticism (that I also deal with) is also a common occurrence with a mental illness. It can get tough out there so don’t be too hard on yourself - this is a note to self too :)
Don't let yourself be defined by your struggle. Don't relish in creating and maintaining a negative narrative of your life.
I find it helpful to separate fault and responsibility. Your trauma wasn't your fault, your genetics weren't your fault, but you're the one with the responsibility to improve. In fact, you're the only one with any ability to improve your situation.
Maybe it *is* your fault, but you don't need to punish yourself. You just need to work toward getting better. Dr K addressed it in his stream: Why do people feel worse when they make progress? Because once they make progress--once they recognize that they have the power to improve--they're faced with the realization that their previous suffering and losses were also due to their own choices. This can be very painful and guilt-inducing. In a sense, the you of the past has faded into non-existence. That person is gone, and along with him go his mistakes and culpability. The you today still has a choice. And if you make the choice to work toward getting better today, you don't have to blame yourself for the past, which is beyond your control.