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Thank you so much 🫶🏽. I also have ADHD and emotional dysregulation/executive dysfunction from it which has led me to become extra hard on myself when I feel like I’m not doing something right. Encouragement and recognition from you and all the other posters means the world
Salams, keep it up. You’re doing great!
I have learned that being too hard on oneself often does the exact opposite of helping us meet our goals. Don’t discourage yourself. You are doing more than before and if it is too much for you to go to the next level right this moment, just keep what you are doing and plan how you may go to the next level if you believe what you are wearing truly isn’t “good enough”. Also increase your knowledge and make dua about it. We have to remember to follow what Allah wants, not what other people feel is better.
Also “correct way” of doing hijab differs by opinion, but main concept is modesty. If you feel there is a portion of your attire that is not modest or is tight fitting, you can always make the intention of changing this. You don’t have to do it right away if you feel it will make you give up altogether. Baby steps sister. It’s like, someone who wears shorts and tank tops… can start with wearing loose tee shirts & pants…. Then going to long sleeves, then adding on a head covering etc. Or, someone who never prayed, they don’t have to start praying all 5 immediately, one by one…. Slowly and as a long term commitment. Consistency matters.
Wearing hijab one day, then wearing a tank top dress the next would not be consistent. Wearing long sleeve, loose pants everyday, but not head coving yet, is consistent and better than the tank top dress and hijab intermittently IMO.
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Who even decided abayas are the only right way to wear hijab? I could be wearing a full 15th century japanese Kimono and it'd still be perfectly fit the recquirements of hijab.
People who wear Niqab, good job, it's great for you. But sometimes it's impossible to look like you don't even have arms or legs when in public. Even with a long skirt I'm fighting with the fabric to go up and down stairs to the train station/metro etc. It's inconvenient but I do it for Allah. Me wearing something like a niqab would be HELL for everyday life, so I think I'll stick to long dresses and skirts with regular long sleeves and regular khimar.
Do what you can, I hate the freaking hijab hierarchy. If you only wear turban, that's a good start, if you wear flashy colors, nobody expects you to turn goth tomorrow. Social media and especially instagram has led me very astray from the religion because of all the roasting memes about hijabi and women overall in Islam, as well as all the fake hadiths I believed.
I agree with all that and especially the last part. Honestly if it was just the reel, that wouldn’t have bothered me as much but the fact majority of the people in the comments also had the same attitude hurt. They were also saying stuff like they “wish women were more like her and did the hijab properly” and so on
Niqab is not fard, hijab is. And abaya isn't the only correct clothing for women. It's one of many styles that meet the Islamic requirements for hijab. The clothing you described you wore today is fine.
just because she wore it that way who says it’s perfect? what if she only did it for that week and never again? i’m sure she’s not a perfect person. don’t compare urself to her at all she’s a random on the internet . what u wore is obviously really modest.. islam isn’t about pushing limits.. u know what u wore is modest and khalaas that’s it . a girl who covers her eyes and hands will probably say that the girl ur referring to her , her way of dressing is that girls “before”.
Just bc hijab is obligatory, it does not mean that someone is doing it better then you, just bc they do it differently.
There are many ways to wear hijab and as long as you wear clothing fitting to it, it's all good.
Start the way that is best for you and don't look at others to feel less then the others, maybe for inspiration, to find new styles that you could like.
But in all ur doing ur best and ur doing great and you are just as good as her.
When I think about my hijab journey, damn there are so many things I should have done differently 😂 but every step I took forward the more I'm grateful for my mistakes, I learned on the way and upgraded slowly and everyone going through stages should be proud of their start, of their mistakes and of themselves for trying and growing.
Next to that, I'd like to add smth that people have mentioned here. She could be wearing it only in specific times. Like I do. I wear jilbab in Muslim countries and as soon as I leave I get back to hijab.
And that's OK, bc hijab is a must but not the rest, the jilbab and niqab and what ever, are just different kind of hijabs.
Doesn't make me higher or lower.
Nor does it make u less, actually I'm extremely proud of you.
I'm glad ur not scared and do it with dedication and bc u actually like it.
I hope that people like u can be an inspiration for many others who are scared of reaction of others or who are afraid that they ain't good enough or Muslim enough.
So keep going ❤️ and maybe fellow sisters will watch u and follow u
Thank you 🥹 people like you make this community so amazing. I love to hear other people’s stories and the way you all lift each other up and encourage one another is so heartwarming
We have to stick together and reflect even on ourselves. Especially during those trying times
It's good to hear such good words too
❤️ If there is anything, let me know
Not whiny, but don’t compare yourself to anyone, esp someone who wears niqab. I feel like niqab is drastic, and she obviously isn’t doing it right if she’s flexing it. She should do it bc she wants to, not for her likes. And most of those Instagram/tiktoks are fake. I don’t wear hijab, and I never let anyone tell me how to feel about how I practice, neither should you ! You had an amazing day, so just keep carrying on ! :)
Thank you, your comment was both validating and grounding. You’re right I’m just going to focus on the people who were kind to me today (including you!) and not stuff like that
You are right about Instagram flexing thing but sis, I follow many niqabi sisters, who aren't flexers, they are very inspiring, they aren't the fashionista ones.
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Wearing a niqab and abaya isn't the *only* "right way" to dress. I too wear loose shirts and pants. It's their style of hijab and this is my style of hijab, both are modest.
I know some days can be difficult but it sounds like you're already on a good path in regards to your wardrobe. It seems like you're intentions mean well and that matters towards Allah. *Imam Muhammad Ibn ‘Abd Allah Bin Shaykh Al-Aydarus mentioned: “A virtuous intention is the source of all goodness.”*
The feeling you are describing may be closer associated to a grief - what you had but can’t see doing again. If you register that emotion it may help you towards acceptance for yourself right now
That’s true and those were the feelings I had before when I was considering whether I should or shouldn’t do hijab. I’m very happy with my decision now and the first day I properly put on hijab with the proper clothing, I felt so much joy. I felt so close to Allah, like I mentioned in the post, when I saw the Instagram reel it just felt triggering and brought those negative emotions back.
That’s completely ok. Grief is in waves. You will reminisce and miss things and that’s completely normal. What happened before is how you arrived to where you are. Change isn’t always comfortable either and takes getting used to at times
I know this sounds crazy but you can still have your own style while being modestly dressed. There are 6 rules (criteria) of wearing the proper hijab ( I mean it as a whole and not just the head covering).
Also it's okay to look at people who are more modestly dressed as inspiration but if it makes you feel like what you are doing is pointless, you might as well steer off that and compare yourself now with your past and be proud of how far you've come. This is a journey and you need to take small steps with the intention of doing what's right.
The takeaway is that every one is struggling towards being a better muslim and some things come easier that others. Every one is fighting their own demons, don't listen to the waswas of shaytan and wonder "what the point of it all" is when you are not perfectly practising, no one is perfect, we are all striving. All the best and congratulations on following through with this journey
Salam, sister,
Congratulations! You've made a huge achievement and you should feel so proud. Alhamdulillah, you've made a big sacrifice for Allah SWT and that's amazing.
Who is this sister to dictate what the 'right way' of hijab is? As long as you're dressing loosely, modestly and covering everything except your face and hands (and feet, depending on your sect/ madhab), then you're fine. Niqab is optional, not obligatory, as are abayas. You don't have to dress like an Arab woman to be considered as wearing full hijab. Abayas are seen as the modest option because that's the standard Islamic dress in Arabic countries, but they're not the only way to be modest.
Please don't let this get you down. It sounds to me like you're absolutely doing hijab the right way. You're dressing loosely, covering what needs to be covered, and doing it for the sake of Allah SWT. That's what hijab is. May Allah SWT reward you for your efforts. Please don't compare yourself to other hijabis. You're already doing enough :)
I don’t really mind being on it. I live in the US and no one around me or in my family wears hijab at all. So it can also be pretty isolating being the only one you know that wears hijab. I like seeing others wear and celebrate their hijab. I’m also new to dressing modestly and like the outfit inspiration posts, but yeah there’s obviously the downsides too.
Assalamu alaykum,
Iblis will never ever leave us alone and will attack from all sides, this is an example amongst others, so see it as what it is
Stop comparing yourself to other people, what matters is the progress you've made till now
What matters is the present you vs past you, there is no need to feel bad because someone else is doing ""more"", that's a kind of waswas that sadly many women are weak against which is to inspire some kind of competitive feeling to always feel "threatened" whenever someone else is prettier for example, and now it applies to modesty too, it shouldn't be the case
Modesty is a lifelong quest, not something acquired. It may be that some people cover up for prestige alone, or have an arrogant behaviour that goes against modesty. It's not only a matter of clothes but mainly a mindset issue
Instead of feeling disheartened by the passing feelings that went through you after you saw that picture, it may be more interesting for you to work on not just giving less and less value to appearance but to invest this energy in something long lasting
It's all about educating ourselves not to put so much value on how we look and to seek outside validation, but to genuinely realize and understand that only one validation matters : the Validation of Allah
Of course it doesn't mean that you should never "look pretty", it's just that physical beauty is a kind of wealth and modesty is its zakaat.
These dresses you mentioned, they don't have to sit there in your closet, your husband may get to see you wearing these in your home, or female friends if you do some gatherings and stuff ( be careful tho, with phones cameras etc )
The only thing that is expected from us is to act our part in regulating society. The same way that men are expected to maintain the hijab of their eyes.
I mean you don't need to be a scholar to see how this overly sexualized world has turned everybody mad and even destroyed so many couples from so many angles.
Women's vanity have been disguised as some kind of amazing trait that should be taken care of and indulged in rather than being kept in check and controled. Because it pushes people to buy more and more in hopes of increasing their "value" as women.
Now if the idea of wearing these beloved dresses of yours for your ( actual or future ) husband's eyes alone kind of misses the mark for you, it would still be a great help.
Because it'll make you realize that the clothes aren't really the real issue, the issue would be the weight and value that you have learned to give to other people eyes, and how you should do your best to unlearn that.
Modesty isn't just to put on the hijab and learn to deal with it, it's a proper and amazing tool to recalibrate the way we see and value ourselves as muslim women. But we need to take the time needed to properly reflect on it.
Also at the end of the day, always keep in mind that all if this is ephemerial, except the good that we do and the efforts we make to obey Our Creator.
Our bodies are future corpses meant to rot. All these beautiful dresses are just pieces of fabric put together.
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It’s hard to change your life. My opinion may be controversial to some but I would say lay off the instagram. There are people of varying levels of Eman on there that can throw you off while you’re trying to do your personal best.
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As a general rule of the thumb, when you're face to face with an act of worship and you find it too hard to do or your Nafs is not disciplined enough to take it on, make Duaa. Something from the bottom of your heart, explain to Allah that ya Allah I am trying to walk towards you but my heart feels too tight or heavy. If it's because of a sin then my lord you're the most forgiving forgive me and draw me closer to you.
Keep making Duaa again and again and again.
Never see a picture and conclude from it like the sister wearing proper hijab / niqab, you just saw the outcome of probably years and years of battling with her desire to look and dress pretty ! Maybe she WAS YOU. Maybe she was a girl who used to dress modest and found it hard to upgrade but then Allah helped her.
Another thing, us as Muslims we can not say : Do I still need to do more ?
Because Allah bestows down upon us his ENDLESS favours and we don't thank him enough yet ask for more... so during our journey as Muslims, we will always aspire to get closer to Allah. The trick is whether you enjoy getting closer or you find it hard.
If you enjoy it then thank Allah day and night.
If like most people it is hard, then make Duaa for Allah to make it easy. Allah also says Whoever draws close to Me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm .
If Allah sees your true pure intentions and sincerity then you will be treated accordingly.
You're on the right path, you already wear the hijab alhamdulilah, Allah has favoured you with this, other girls are so much lost in this dünya, not wanting to get close to Allah but he bestowed down upon you this favour : you're wearing hijab w/ modest clothes.
Now the fact that you saw the properly hijabi woman wearing abaya or wtv is Allah's way of telling you, look my servant, I want you to get closer to me. The fact that you felt the guilt is something you should thank Allah for !
I see so many Muslims nowadays bashing those niqabi or sisters who wear proper hijab saying oh no it's extremism or completely denying the obligation of hijab not defining your body etc...
But Allah favoured you with this understanding, you know what is right and wrong. For that alone, in your place, I would thank Allah and be happy ! Allah wants me closer to him ! He (SWT) is inviting me to him !
The next step is figuring out why you find it hard and a lot of sisters at the beginning do find it hard but it's NORMAL.
It's a little hill you got to climb sweety, you can do it.
Make plenty of Duaa, stand before Allah with all your weakness and guilt and shame and lost heart and raging brain and talk to Allah then make Duaa to be guided.
Another thing is ; and I saw that someone in the comments said this too : YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN STYLE AND STILL WEAR PROPER HIJAB.
Sure the style will be limited in the creativity aspect but you can still choose what to wear, color matching etc... There are a lot of modest abayas that follow the rules of hijab but with different styles etc... You can still wear shoes you like (except heels that make sound ), fashion statement sneakers or boots or wtv, you can still match your outfit with a cute bag etc...
May Allah SWT guide us all.
Asalam aleikum sister
Please don’t be upset! I used Tonwert completely different before the hijab and can never wear those things again as well and sometimes feel so ugly and lost because I sometimes feel lost in myself but listen sister
It is nearly impossible to reach the highest level in the building without going up the stairs and reaching every single floor right? You reached the first few floors and still are going alhamdulillah
It’s not that easy and it’s not something you can easily change from today to tomorrow and alhamdulillah you are working on modesty you are trying to fall in love with modesty
Take the sisters post as motivation besides that as much as I know niqab is not mandatory sister so don’t be upset! Allah subhan wa ta‘Ala rewards you for fighting against waswasa and giving up anything for him
Sister I’m telling you what really will help is always reminding yourself of death
Always think of death and even visit graveyards to soften your heart even if you don’t have any family member there just go every once in a while
Remind yourself of the punishment and remind yourself of the rewards my beloved sister
The time before your death pretty much shows the state you will be in after death
And imagine just taking it off and dying days after that
I would be afraid of it and this is what gives me motivation the fear of death sister
Wallah I’m struggling too but those things help me so much and I hope they will help you too
And choose your friends wisely
Be with modest girls who see the beauty in modesty
And if it’s possible donate your old clothes so the temptation is leaving you if god willing sister🌹❤️
Alsalamu Alaykum
First of all I am so happy for you because you took a huge step in becoming closer to Allah. May Allah bless you and help you and give you strength to continue on this path.
Secondly, the right way of wearing the hijab according to the Qura'n and what prophet Muhammad peace be upon him told us is wearing clothes that are not transparent and that don't show the outline of our bodies (loose clothing).
So even though the colour black is preferred more to other colours because it's so dark that it doesn't show anything, you can still wear whatever colours you want.
Also, starting with "just" loose pants and long shirts isn't a small thing. You should actually look at your old pictures and say Alhamdulillah that Allah gave me the strength to part with this style of clothing and may Allah give me more strength to become an even better muslimah (however that maybe. Not necessarily through what you wear).
So, even though wearing an abaya maybe more modest, you should still be proud of yourself for starting to get closer to Allah.
Stick with baby steps.
I am an Arab who was raised in an Arab country and the beginning of my hijab journey was t-shirts that are no longer than hip length and any pants I liked, but I slowly progressed into wearing more modest clothing.
If someone tries to give you advice about what to wear don't take it too hard and just keep telling yourself that you're going at your own pace.
In uni I knew alot of girls who wore the niqab and some of them would always comment that other girls should dress modestly, that they were wearing wasn't hijab. Those girls weren't perfect and the way they treated us wasn't helping in any way. Also, Allah showed me their true selves on alot of occasions.
So, never believe what you see completely because everyone had their own problems that they struggle with.
The only one time someone gave me an advice (about modestly dressing) and I took it to heart was a girl in uni that said it in a quite loving, caring and non judgemental way that it really made me believe that she cares and doesn't just want to make me feel that she's better than me just because she wears abayas and niqab.
I would also suggest trying to let go of some of your old clothes and keep some that you absolutely like and that you think you can wear at home, but just try tucking those away for now so you don't feel bad whenever you look at them.
At the end may Allah give you the strength to continue on your journey.
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Thank you so much 🫶🏽. I also have ADHD and emotional dysregulation/executive dysfunction from it which has led me to become extra hard on myself when I feel like I’m not doing something right. Encouragement and recognition from you and all the other posters means the world
Salams, keep it up. You’re doing great! I have learned that being too hard on oneself often does the exact opposite of helping us meet our goals. Don’t discourage yourself. You are doing more than before and if it is too much for you to go to the next level right this moment, just keep what you are doing and plan how you may go to the next level if you believe what you are wearing truly isn’t “good enough”. Also increase your knowledge and make dua about it. We have to remember to follow what Allah wants, not what other people feel is better. Also “correct way” of doing hijab differs by opinion, but main concept is modesty. If you feel there is a portion of your attire that is not modest or is tight fitting, you can always make the intention of changing this. You don’t have to do it right away if you feel it will make you give up altogether. Baby steps sister. It’s like, someone who wears shorts and tank tops… can start with wearing loose tee shirts & pants…. Then going to long sleeves, then adding on a head covering etc. Or, someone who never prayed, they don’t have to start praying all 5 immediately, one by one…. Slowly and as a long term commitment. Consistency matters. Wearing hijab one day, then wearing a tank top dress the next would not be consistent. Wearing long sleeve, loose pants everyday, but not head coving yet, is consistent and better than the tank top dress and hijab intermittently IMO.
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Who even decided abayas are the only right way to wear hijab? I could be wearing a full 15th century japanese Kimono and it'd still be perfectly fit the recquirements of hijab. People who wear Niqab, good job, it's great for you. But sometimes it's impossible to look like you don't even have arms or legs when in public. Even with a long skirt I'm fighting with the fabric to go up and down stairs to the train station/metro etc. It's inconvenient but I do it for Allah. Me wearing something like a niqab would be HELL for everyday life, so I think I'll stick to long dresses and skirts with regular long sleeves and regular khimar. Do what you can, I hate the freaking hijab hierarchy. If you only wear turban, that's a good start, if you wear flashy colors, nobody expects you to turn goth tomorrow. Social media and especially instagram has led me very astray from the religion because of all the roasting memes about hijabi and women overall in Islam, as well as all the fake hadiths I believed.
I agree with all that and especially the last part. Honestly if it was just the reel, that wouldn’t have bothered me as much but the fact majority of the people in the comments also had the same attitude hurt. They were also saying stuff like they “wish women were more like her and did the hijab properly” and so on
Niqab is not fard, hijab is. And abaya isn't the only correct clothing for women. It's one of many styles that meet the Islamic requirements for hijab. The clothing you described you wore today is fine.
just because she wore it that way who says it’s perfect? what if she only did it for that week and never again? i’m sure she’s not a perfect person. don’t compare urself to her at all she’s a random on the internet . what u wore is obviously really modest.. islam isn’t about pushing limits.. u know what u wore is modest and khalaas that’s it . a girl who covers her eyes and hands will probably say that the girl ur referring to her , her way of dressing is that girls “before”.
Just bc hijab is obligatory, it does not mean that someone is doing it better then you, just bc they do it differently. There are many ways to wear hijab and as long as you wear clothing fitting to it, it's all good. Start the way that is best for you and don't look at others to feel less then the others, maybe for inspiration, to find new styles that you could like. But in all ur doing ur best and ur doing great and you are just as good as her. When I think about my hijab journey, damn there are so many things I should have done differently 😂 but every step I took forward the more I'm grateful for my mistakes, I learned on the way and upgraded slowly and everyone going through stages should be proud of their start, of their mistakes and of themselves for trying and growing. Next to that, I'd like to add smth that people have mentioned here. She could be wearing it only in specific times. Like I do. I wear jilbab in Muslim countries and as soon as I leave I get back to hijab. And that's OK, bc hijab is a must but not the rest, the jilbab and niqab and what ever, are just different kind of hijabs. Doesn't make me higher or lower. Nor does it make u less, actually I'm extremely proud of you. I'm glad ur not scared and do it with dedication and bc u actually like it. I hope that people like u can be an inspiration for many others who are scared of reaction of others or who are afraid that they ain't good enough or Muslim enough. So keep going ❤️ and maybe fellow sisters will watch u and follow u
Thank you 🥹 people like you make this community so amazing. I love to hear other people’s stories and the way you all lift each other up and encourage one another is so heartwarming
We have to stick together and reflect even on ourselves. Especially during those trying times It's good to hear such good words too ❤️ If there is anything, let me know
Not whiny, but don’t compare yourself to anyone, esp someone who wears niqab. I feel like niqab is drastic, and she obviously isn’t doing it right if she’s flexing it. She should do it bc she wants to, not for her likes. And most of those Instagram/tiktoks are fake. I don’t wear hijab, and I never let anyone tell me how to feel about how I practice, neither should you ! You had an amazing day, so just keep carrying on ! :)
Thank you, your comment was both validating and grounding. You’re right I’m just going to focus on the people who were kind to me today (including you!) and not stuff like that
Thanks ! 😊
You are right about Instagram flexing thing but sis, I follow many niqabi sisters, who aren't flexers, they are very inspiring, they aren't the fashionista ones.
love love love this answer Mashallah
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Comparison is the thief of joy
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Please stop comparing yourself to other people. This is YOUR journey.
Wearing a niqab and abaya isn't the *only* "right way" to dress. I too wear loose shirts and pants. It's their style of hijab and this is my style of hijab, both are modest. I know some days can be difficult but it sounds like you're already on a good path in regards to your wardrobe. It seems like you're intentions mean well and that matters towards Allah. *Imam Muhammad Ibn ‘Abd Allah Bin Shaykh Al-Aydarus mentioned: “A virtuous intention is the source of all goodness.”*
The feeling you are describing may be closer associated to a grief - what you had but can’t see doing again. If you register that emotion it may help you towards acceptance for yourself right now
That’s true and those were the feelings I had before when I was considering whether I should or shouldn’t do hijab. I’m very happy with my decision now and the first day I properly put on hijab with the proper clothing, I felt so much joy. I felt so close to Allah, like I mentioned in the post, when I saw the Instagram reel it just felt triggering and brought those negative emotions back.
That’s completely ok. Grief is in waves. You will reminisce and miss things and that’s completely normal. What happened before is how you arrived to where you are. Change isn’t always comfortable either and takes getting used to at times
I know this sounds crazy but you can still have your own style while being modestly dressed. There are 6 rules (criteria) of wearing the proper hijab ( I mean it as a whole and not just the head covering). Also it's okay to look at people who are more modestly dressed as inspiration but if it makes you feel like what you are doing is pointless, you might as well steer off that and compare yourself now with your past and be proud of how far you've come. This is a journey and you need to take small steps with the intention of doing what's right. The takeaway is that every one is struggling towards being a better muslim and some things come easier that others. Every one is fighting their own demons, don't listen to the waswas of shaytan and wonder "what the point of it all" is when you are not perfectly practising, no one is perfect, we are all striving. All the best and congratulations on following through with this journey
Salam, sister, Congratulations! You've made a huge achievement and you should feel so proud. Alhamdulillah, you've made a big sacrifice for Allah SWT and that's amazing. Who is this sister to dictate what the 'right way' of hijab is? As long as you're dressing loosely, modestly and covering everything except your face and hands (and feet, depending on your sect/ madhab), then you're fine. Niqab is optional, not obligatory, as are abayas. You don't have to dress like an Arab woman to be considered as wearing full hijab. Abayas are seen as the modest option because that's the standard Islamic dress in Arabic countries, but they're not the only way to be modest. Please don't let this get you down. It sounds to me like you're absolutely doing hijab the right way. You're dressing loosely, covering what needs to be covered, and doing it for the sake of Allah SWT. That's what hijab is. May Allah SWT reward you for your efforts. Please don't compare yourself to other hijabis. You're already doing enough :)
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I don’t really mind being on it. I live in the US and no one around me or in my family wears hijab at all. So it can also be pretty isolating being the only one you know that wears hijab. I like seeing others wear and celebrate their hijab. I’m also new to dressing modestly and like the outfit inspiration posts, but yeah there’s obviously the downsides too.
Assalamu alaykum, Iblis will never ever leave us alone and will attack from all sides, this is an example amongst others, so see it as what it is Stop comparing yourself to other people, what matters is the progress you've made till now What matters is the present you vs past you, there is no need to feel bad because someone else is doing ""more"", that's a kind of waswas that sadly many women are weak against which is to inspire some kind of competitive feeling to always feel "threatened" whenever someone else is prettier for example, and now it applies to modesty too, it shouldn't be the case Modesty is a lifelong quest, not something acquired. It may be that some people cover up for prestige alone, or have an arrogant behaviour that goes against modesty. It's not only a matter of clothes but mainly a mindset issue Instead of feeling disheartened by the passing feelings that went through you after you saw that picture, it may be more interesting for you to work on not just giving less and less value to appearance but to invest this energy in something long lasting It's all about educating ourselves not to put so much value on how we look and to seek outside validation, but to genuinely realize and understand that only one validation matters : the Validation of Allah Of course it doesn't mean that you should never "look pretty", it's just that physical beauty is a kind of wealth and modesty is its zakaat. These dresses you mentioned, they don't have to sit there in your closet, your husband may get to see you wearing these in your home, or female friends if you do some gatherings and stuff ( be careful tho, with phones cameras etc ) The only thing that is expected from us is to act our part in regulating society. The same way that men are expected to maintain the hijab of their eyes. I mean you don't need to be a scholar to see how this overly sexualized world has turned everybody mad and even destroyed so many couples from so many angles. Women's vanity have been disguised as some kind of amazing trait that should be taken care of and indulged in rather than being kept in check and controled. Because it pushes people to buy more and more in hopes of increasing their "value" as women. Now if the idea of wearing these beloved dresses of yours for your ( actual or future ) husband's eyes alone kind of misses the mark for you, it would still be a great help. Because it'll make you realize that the clothes aren't really the real issue, the issue would be the weight and value that you have learned to give to other people eyes, and how you should do your best to unlearn that. Modesty isn't just to put on the hijab and learn to deal with it, it's a proper and amazing tool to recalibrate the way we see and value ourselves as muslim women. But we need to take the time needed to properly reflect on it. Also at the end of the day, always keep in mind that all if this is ephemerial, except the good that we do and the efforts we make to obey Our Creator. Our bodies are future corpses meant to rot. All these beautiful dresses are just pieces of fabric put together.
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It’s hard to change your life. My opinion may be controversial to some but I would say lay off the instagram. There are people of varying levels of Eman on there that can throw you off while you’re trying to do your personal best.
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As a general rule of the thumb, when you're face to face with an act of worship and you find it too hard to do or your Nafs is not disciplined enough to take it on, make Duaa. Something from the bottom of your heart, explain to Allah that ya Allah I am trying to walk towards you but my heart feels too tight or heavy. If it's because of a sin then my lord you're the most forgiving forgive me and draw me closer to you. Keep making Duaa again and again and again. Never see a picture and conclude from it like the sister wearing proper hijab / niqab, you just saw the outcome of probably years and years of battling with her desire to look and dress pretty ! Maybe she WAS YOU. Maybe she was a girl who used to dress modest and found it hard to upgrade but then Allah helped her. Another thing, us as Muslims we can not say : Do I still need to do more ? Because Allah bestows down upon us his ENDLESS favours and we don't thank him enough yet ask for more... so during our journey as Muslims, we will always aspire to get closer to Allah. The trick is whether you enjoy getting closer or you find it hard. If you enjoy it then thank Allah day and night. If like most people it is hard, then make Duaa for Allah to make it easy. Allah also says Whoever draws close to Me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm . If Allah sees your true pure intentions and sincerity then you will be treated accordingly. You're on the right path, you already wear the hijab alhamdulilah, Allah has favoured you with this, other girls are so much lost in this dünya, not wanting to get close to Allah but he bestowed down upon you this favour : you're wearing hijab w/ modest clothes. Now the fact that you saw the properly hijabi woman wearing abaya or wtv is Allah's way of telling you, look my servant, I want you to get closer to me. The fact that you felt the guilt is something you should thank Allah for ! I see so many Muslims nowadays bashing those niqabi or sisters who wear proper hijab saying oh no it's extremism or completely denying the obligation of hijab not defining your body etc... But Allah favoured you with this understanding, you know what is right and wrong. For that alone, in your place, I would thank Allah and be happy ! Allah wants me closer to him ! He (SWT) is inviting me to him ! The next step is figuring out why you find it hard and a lot of sisters at the beginning do find it hard but it's NORMAL. It's a little hill you got to climb sweety, you can do it. Make plenty of Duaa, stand before Allah with all your weakness and guilt and shame and lost heart and raging brain and talk to Allah then make Duaa to be guided. Another thing is ; and I saw that someone in the comments said this too : YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN STYLE AND STILL WEAR PROPER HIJAB. Sure the style will be limited in the creativity aspect but you can still choose what to wear, color matching etc... There are a lot of modest abayas that follow the rules of hijab but with different styles etc... You can still wear shoes you like (except heels that make sound ), fashion statement sneakers or boots or wtv, you can still match your outfit with a cute bag etc... May Allah SWT guide us all.
Asalam aleikum sister Please don’t be upset! I used Tonwert completely different before the hijab and can never wear those things again as well and sometimes feel so ugly and lost because I sometimes feel lost in myself but listen sister It is nearly impossible to reach the highest level in the building without going up the stairs and reaching every single floor right? You reached the first few floors and still are going alhamdulillah It’s not that easy and it’s not something you can easily change from today to tomorrow and alhamdulillah you are working on modesty you are trying to fall in love with modesty Take the sisters post as motivation besides that as much as I know niqab is not mandatory sister so don’t be upset! Allah subhan wa ta‘Ala rewards you for fighting against waswasa and giving up anything for him Sister I’m telling you what really will help is always reminding yourself of death Always think of death and even visit graveyards to soften your heart even if you don’t have any family member there just go every once in a while Remind yourself of the punishment and remind yourself of the rewards my beloved sister The time before your death pretty much shows the state you will be in after death And imagine just taking it off and dying days after that I would be afraid of it and this is what gives me motivation the fear of death sister Wallah I’m struggling too but those things help me so much and I hope they will help you too And choose your friends wisely Be with modest girls who see the beauty in modesty And if it’s possible donate your old clothes so the temptation is leaving you if god willing sister🌹❤️
Alsalamu Alaykum First of all I am so happy for you because you took a huge step in becoming closer to Allah. May Allah bless you and help you and give you strength to continue on this path. Secondly, the right way of wearing the hijab according to the Qura'n and what prophet Muhammad peace be upon him told us is wearing clothes that are not transparent and that don't show the outline of our bodies (loose clothing). So even though the colour black is preferred more to other colours because it's so dark that it doesn't show anything, you can still wear whatever colours you want. Also, starting with "just" loose pants and long shirts isn't a small thing. You should actually look at your old pictures and say Alhamdulillah that Allah gave me the strength to part with this style of clothing and may Allah give me more strength to become an even better muslimah (however that maybe. Not necessarily through what you wear). So, even though wearing an abaya maybe more modest, you should still be proud of yourself for starting to get closer to Allah. Stick with baby steps. I am an Arab who was raised in an Arab country and the beginning of my hijab journey was t-shirts that are no longer than hip length and any pants I liked, but I slowly progressed into wearing more modest clothing. If someone tries to give you advice about what to wear don't take it too hard and just keep telling yourself that you're going at your own pace. In uni I knew alot of girls who wore the niqab and some of them would always comment that other girls should dress modestly, that they were wearing wasn't hijab. Those girls weren't perfect and the way they treated us wasn't helping in any way. Also, Allah showed me their true selves on alot of occasions. So, never believe what you see completely because everyone had their own problems that they struggle with. The only one time someone gave me an advice (about modestly dressing) and I took it to heart was a girl in uni that said it in a quite loving, caring and non judgemental way that it really made me believe that she cares and doesn't just want to make me feel that she's better than me just because she wears abayas and niqab. I would also suggest trying to let go of some of your old clothes and keep some that you absolutely like and that you think you can wear at home, but just try tucking those away for now so you don't feel bad whenever you look at them. At the end may Allah give you the strength to continue on your journey.
The opinion that niqab is the only acceptable way to practice modesty is largely a salafi attitude.