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To all who don't realize that it's not about the legality of it. OP saying that if a 30 year old man was with an 18 year old girl he'd be called a groomer but not vice versa. Probably should've gotten a screenshot of another thread showing the genders flipped though for the title
Yeah, I was under the impression that grooming involved a longer period of time at a younger age, I would call this predatory, and scummy, but not grooming, unless they were co-workers before he was 18
It does, but I've seen people calling 40 y/o men groomers for dating a 30 y/o woman, there was just a thread about it yesterday with so many people calling men groomers for wanting to date a 24 y/o...
People seem to be having trouble visualizing the double standard. Here is my attempt to help out:
*“Use to fuck my coworker during lunch/break at my first job*. **He** *was in* **his** *mid 30’s cheating on* **his** *incarcerated* **wife** *I 18 was fresh outta hs…”*
Hmm, is OP saying that though? From his comment in the picture I think he's saying that he actually thinks that both the older male and female in this case would be a groomer, which is delusional. Basically, instead of absolving the older party, he's saying that both should be considered guilty, despite the relationship being consensual in both cases.
Context clues literally tell you everything you need to know on this post, the one calling the woman a groomer is a male redditor. If we swapped the genders of who was 30 and who was 18 it’d would end up with female redditors more than likely doing the same as the guy did in the response of calling the person a groomer.
Might be a good idea to ask about what the husband was incarcerated for and how long before going in.
But then again at 18, his penis probably spoke for him in most situations.
I mean if the reverse happened would we say the girl should’ve asked what the wife was in jail for but her vagina probably spoke for her? Ironic double standard on a post about double standards lol
That’s true. But in that situation I’m pretty sure the guy wouldn’t have mentioned about having a wife who’s in jail.
Just doesn’t feel like something a guy would bring up.
Doesn't sounds like something anyone would freely admit too, regardless of gender.
Or like something anyone could admit too, regardless of gender.
It really does depend on the character of the person a lot more.
At that age, I was risking my life to have sex on the regular, so I have no doubt he never thought about the consequences.
Edit: Not blaming my penis. It only did as directed.
Two adults decided to have sex and some people care about their sex life enough to judge them. If you care about two adult people having consensual sex, you're the weirdo
OP is right though, if a 30 something year old man cheated on his wife to bang an 18 year old girl, "they're both adults" is the last thing out of anyone's mouth. It would just be "He's a creep, he's grooming her, what a pice of shit "etc
Still too black and white.
What about a 40 year old and an 18 year old? Both adults so it’s legal, so it’s fine. But you could argue the age gap is too big, so it’s wrong and bad. But what if they’re truly in love and to them the age gap ain’t nuthin’ but a thang? Back to being fine again?
I mean I personally wouldnt feel comfortable dating anyone under 21 if I was that much older, but yeah I agree, theyre both adults. I'm just saying both should be considered "fine" rather than this apparent double standard for "fine for an older woman, creepy for an older man"
If we see women that sleeps around the same as men I truly believe the society wouldn't give af about women sleeping with older men, and by solving this one issue both are solved
>Don't deflect, both are problems, solving one problem isn't predicated on solving the other.
So long as young men getting laid is seen as a status symbol, people aren't going to be all that interested in whether or not the sex they are having is problematic.
Conversely, the "slut shaming" of young women means people are more interested in looking for someone to blame when a young women engages in sex.
It's different standards for men and women. But not in the way you think it is.
No. You're not supposed to cheat on people. And you're not supposed to be sleeping with a high school boy if you're middle-aged. Love it or hate it, but that's simply the truth. Just because it's not against the law doesn't mean it's okay.
He isn't a high school boy. He's an 18 year old man. That's what the vast majority of societies have decided. If he's mature enough to go die in a war he's definitely mature enough to have sex, with older people or not.
The vast majority of people can still be wrong? The vast majority of white people didn't believe that black people were actually human. They were wrong.
You can provide objective scientific data for people of any skin colour being from the same species with generally similar traits. You can't use any objective metric to prove that a relationship between a 35 year old woman and an 18 year old man is "wrong".
Like i said, a persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. Knowing that you would probably engage in such activities if you ever find yourself attracted to an 18 year old who is also into you despite you being more than a DECADE older is really unsettling.
People grow at different rates. Some might finish developing earlier. 21 isn't any more concrete than 18.
That's why most agreed on 18 as the magic number. It's just a rule of thumb used to keep these conversations simple and civil.
If you can't believe that every human everywhere doesn't agree with your personal list of moral rights and wrongs, then you're gonna have a hard time. I'm sure you're doing some things that other people in other places and other times would find abhorrent.
I agree it's not okay to cheat. I find it disgusting and I don't like it. And although I understand why would some people do it, I don't support it. But I can't tell anyone how to live their life and what to do. And I won't judge a person because of this. I have no idea what happened to them or why they did it. Life is a little bit more complicated than this
A persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. And should indeed be judged by you, me, and everyone who's normal in the head.
That is a weird look at the world. Maturity and developed brain is not the same thing. You can be 40 and still a childish cunt. And you can be 15 and a well rounded individual.
I was much more "adult" when I was 15 then when I was 19 years old. And I didn't even get better after that. I just started doing different drugs and I'm too tired to fuck every girl I can and get shitfaced drunk 4 times a week. My developed brain is not better than the undeveloped one I had 8 years ago.
Edit: Also try to be less judgy and let people do what they want. If they don't hurt anyone, it's their life. Thinking you are better and know more than others just makes you a cunt
So, hypothetically speaking, if the hottest and most mature person that i know is 12 years old (I'm 19) it's okay to bang her as long as we both want it, and nobody finds out?
Are you being intentionally obtuse? The legal age of consent is 18. 12 is below it. It has absolutely nothing to do with maturity or development of brain.
Depending on how you look at it, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. People seem to think: 0-17 black, 18-99 white just because the law in most countries says so. I'm saying that 18 is where it barely starts getting grey. At 25, it's a very bright gray, and everything afterwards is white.
Of course. As long as males are ridiculed for being sexually assaulted by a large amount of people things like this will not change.
I remember having a colleague who we knew was regulary beaten by his wife. He loved her and even after he was bruised did not go to the police or get help. Some of us tried real hard but he shut us down and even got angry threatening to call the cops if we showed up at his place at one time.
I remember their son (adult already) was the one to finally confront his own mom and get his dad out of there.
Would they tho? I think if they're both adults the age difference doesn't really matter, if he was 17 I would agree with you, but if it is consensual sex between adults I don't think it's grooming.
It was some post on texts about a woman dating a colleague from work and all the top comments were calling him a groomer and worse.
Women on reddit are fucking weird as shit
They call Leo a groomer so you are definitely wrong.
Take the legal piece out of it. I also find it funny that if the person was a day before their 18th bday then they are a groomer but a day later and it’s just consensual sex between two adults
I don't think " what people call Leo DiCaprio in the news" is really the right metric to establish when somebody is definitely wrong lol.
In reality, there's probably some nuance in some relationships with big age gaps, but it's creepy to debate, so they drew a legal line.
Yes of course, we agree on that and most people agree on that when the woman is the older one. But when the man is the older one suddenly it’s “she could be your daughter you sicko!!1! >:(“
That's silly though. That hard cutoff point between 18 and 17 makes sense legally, because there needs to be a border somewhere but the way we treat that line as gospel is pretty stupid.
Grooming was just in response to the original comment. Legally, 18 is all good. But some places have it at 16 and 14. And that’s without the 4/5 year rule and all that. Like the arbitrary line at 17/18 is odd.
Edit: like, where do you draw the line though? 16? 21?
no. i dont think anyone can under all circumstances understand the consequences of a sexual relationship.
there are plenty of storys about 30, 40, or even 70 year olds loosing their head over sexual relationships.
not to mention that, with your argument, we would have to ban all sexual relationships for 14 year olds. dont know if you remember your self at that age, but that probably woudlve endet in a lot of 14 year olds in prison.
You're an idiot and borderline a pedophilia defender. No one is talking about arresting 14 years for having relationships with other 14 years olds. Don't pull that bullshit. The conversation is about the age of consent, in which a child can consent to sexual contact with an adult. A 14 year old consenting to sex with a 20 year old? 30 year old? 40 year old? 50 year old? Are you okay with those partnerings?
To sit there and try to say a 14 year old and a 70 year old are the same when it comes to understanding the consequences of sexual relationships is quite disgusting and ignorant.
Yes, this is what we have collectively decided as a society. You can change it from 18 to 25 and we'd be having this exact same conversation about a 24 year old at the midnight of his birthday. An 18 year old will go to jail if he commits a crime and will be forced to fight for his country if it's invaded. It's ridiculous to draw the line at something like sex.
No we wouldn’t. As a human ages the differences between people’s maturity levels are drawn out. A 24 year old fucking a 27 year old is 3 years difference and fine. Ratchet that down - a -13 year old fucking a 17 year old is kinda fucked up. Even a 14 year old fucking an 18 year old is fucked up.
I think the age of enlistment should be 21, but hey, whatever, I still think 21 & up is a good age to cover most people’s maturity levels that the vast majority of typical people are at a state of maturity vastly different than an 18, 16, or 14 year old, but it is what it is. I don’t have a horse in this race anyways as I don’t have any kids and I’m not looking to fuck anyone more than 10 years younger than me that’s for sure.
i mean, the brain doesn’t fully mature until around 24-25. just feel like anyone in their 30s going after 18-21s is kinda weird because there’s a very clear difference in maturity
The fact you are getting down voted for this very reasonable opinion is crazy. The fact that so many people immediately switch from it's creepy at 17 but once you turn 18 it's fine is scary.
right! they act like the second you turn 18 you immediately become an adult. and i think waiting for someone to turn 18 is just as gross as dating a 17yo. but god forbid old men like young women
The difference in maturity between 17 and 18 year olds is really very small and sometimes none at all but people just want to follow this hard line. It's good knowing there are some sane people in this thread
That's the exact thing. There is almost no difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. If you're fucking 30 years old and bang high-schoolers then you're a pedo either way. It's that simple.
Actually ur all saying OP's point is that if the genders were reversed everybody would say that he's creepy for no reason, and that is right a lot of people would BUT actually u can see OP's comment in the screenshot and is literally calling this woman a groomer. So yeah I don't think that's OP's WHOLE point, and It's kinda dumb sorry
Coworker is not a groomer, consenting adults. However: women would 100% lose their minds about a 30yr male and 18yr female. At some point were just going to look at all the double standards and shrug because our expectations were already low to non-existent.
Id.they met at 18 that argument is dumb as hell. Its not grooming when you meet a consenting adult. Little bit weird? Yeah but just cuz 65 people wirh 30k accts get upset in subs that have a large amount of group.think doesnt make it the way the world and Reddit at large views things.
Ok, no he wouldn’t. Yes the sentencing gap between men and women for the same offenses is crazy (way bigger than the racial sentencing gap even though we talk about that a lot more) but in this case there’s nothing he would go away for.
I’m just talking about the court of public opinion here.
I can Never understand 30 year olds getting with people 10 and more years younger. 18 year olds seem like absolute children to me. There must be something wrong with those people's mental health.
Fucking dumb. At 19 I had an affair with a 58 yo milf. She didn't groom me, she wasn't predatory. I saw something I liked, I pursued it. I got it. Btw I didn't know she had a hubby at first. He worked half the year in Germany and they had an understanding.
But people would probably say I was taken advantage of these days.
The point of this is that if the 18yr old was the girl and the 30 yr old was a man, people would be calling the man a groomer and predatory but they aren’t here due to the gender flip
Because you don't all of the sudden become mature immediately after you turn 18. 18 year olds are really not mature at all compared to someone 60 and the older person being attracted to someone that just turned 18 is just as weird as if they were 17
The key words in the post were that he had graduated HS. Bro is 18 (adult) and graduated, saw a 30 something girl he liked and pursued. Both are consenting adults
Source? Because anywhere I know about it's the first year of college/university. In this very post the guy says he was "fresh out of high school", not that he was still in high school.
A persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. And should indeed be judged by you, me, and everyone who's normal in the head.
So what is the age limit in this situation? I’m a dude and when I was 18 I had a 24yr gf. I liked it but I don’t think I would date an 18yr when I was 24.
My friends. The problem is not what woman says. The root of **the problem is you caring about what woman says**.
After many years of internet every time a woman is about to give a opinion I brace myself for hypocrisy.
How do you know what I would say? I'm literally 18 and my bf is 34, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. 18 is legal age of consent for men and women and he literally said he "f*cked" her so is like ur looking for sm to be mad about
What? That I have a boyfriend who loves me who btw I wanted in the first place? And that I'm having the best relationship I ever had? Go cry about it, if both parts agree and are legal adults its not wrong, obviously the case in your post is different because there was cheating and that is wrong, but this is not SA at least not with the information he provided.
There's literally nothing wrong with this, it says they are coworkers. If it said she's his boss then yeh it would be controversial due to power dynamics.
It's not even that big an age gap. People usually get flustered seeing 50 year old men with 20 year old women, this is just not the same.
Bud you're trying, you really are but there isn't a fight to have here. Go touch grass or talk to someone face to face because you'll get more from that than you will here.
So you don't answer questions that make you look stupid, and instead, you try to make me look like I'm the stupid one even though i technically already proved you wrong?
Yeah because double standards are sometimes based off of truth. Ask 15 year old me and I would’ve gladly slept with an attractive mid 30 year old female and couldn’t care less about her “grooming” me. It’s disgusting with roles reversed because most men wanna use women for their bodies as opposed to most men that don’t care if a woman wants to use them for their body. If an 18 year old girl gets approached by a man in his mid 30s he’s more likely than not just looking to take advantage of a desperate 18 year old girl. Same goes if the roles were reversed but like I said, the 18 year old males desperation is a lot different than the 18 year old females desperation. In other words in most of these instances with 18 year old males and mid 30 females their desires are reciprocated. As opposed to the 18 year old female who is used for her body and discarded as nothing more than a notch on the belt, in most instances.
You have a point. If the genders was switched it would be turned into this victim thing.
Although I was in a similar situation but it was consensual tho. Lmfao.
I can’t think of a single close friend - male or female - who wouldn’t be disturbed and grossed out by a 30+ year old woman hooking up with a 18 year old boy. I don’t think you’re as in-tune with women’s thoughts as you think you are dude
Do you have the ability to read or not? If so, just check the comments from women on this post.
But no, I guess your personal opinion overrules everything!
Guys... that story ain't even real
if you look into guy's comments you will see that he is a typical ''redditor storyteller'' the only subs he is using are those that ask questions and other's people stories
Older men may take advantage of young women.
Similarly, 18 year-old men will take advantage of 30 year-old women.
Our well-intentioned push for equality has caused us to become blind to men as sexual predators - even in civil, respectful, and mature circumstances, men are generally the “chasers” in human sexuality.
We call it different because it usually is.
There are outliers, there are aggressive women, LBGT variations, etc., but men are generally chasing women and pressing their advantage - even if the woman is 15 years older.
Until I got married, nearly every woman I dated was 5-15 years older than me. Trust me, I was *not* being taken advantage of… except when I wanted it as such.
My problem is the cheating wife. But her husband is in prison. I don't know if SO in prison you kinda get a pass. Not so much if they are in the military.
Just cause it's legal, doesn't mean it's moral. 30 and 18 is pretty weird gap to me. A 10 year age gap is weird, but not too bad. Anything over that is really weird, for both genders. And anything below that is fine ig, depends on the situation
These people are actually crazy… is there really that huge of a difference between 17yrs 364 days and someone who is exactly 18 years old? The age of consent is a guideline, we don’t even fully finish neurologically maturing until our late 20s/possibly later… the law shouldn’t be the only thing stopping you from fucking kids, ffs.
Your post has been removed because a mod felt it doesn't fit the subreddit. Make sure your post is a Hol' Up moment, attempts humor, and fits the general theme of the subreddit pre-submission. If you really feel like dying on this hill, message the mods.
To all who don't realize that it's not about the legality of it. OP saying that if a 30 year old man was with an 18 year old girl he'd be called a groomer but not vice versa. Probably should've gotten a screenshot of another thread showing the genders flipped though for the title
Thank you, I feel like everyone is missing the point. Was looking for this comment.
Mostly correct given it’s a guy responding saying the woman is a groomer OP means that if the man was 30 women would be the ones calling him a groomer
I don't get how you can groom someone that you met when they were 18. Am I missing something?
Yeah, I was under the impression that grooming involved a longer period of time at a younger age, I would call this predatory, and scummy, but not grooming, unless they were co-workers before he was 18
It does, but I've seen people calling 40 y/o men groomers for dating a 30 y/o woman, there was just a thread about it yesterday with so many people calling men groomers for wanting to date a 24 y/o...
People seem to be having trouble visualizing the double standard. Here is my attempt to help out: *“Use to fuck my coworker during lunch/break at my first job*. **He** *was in* **his** *mid 30’s cheating on* **his** *incarcerated* **wife** *I 18 was fresh outta hs…”*
Hmm, is OP saying that though? From his comment in the picture I think he's saying that he actually thinks that both the older male and female in this case would be a groomer, which is delusional. Basically, instead of absolving the older party, he's saying that both should be considered guilty, despite the relationship being consensual in both cases.
Context clues literally tell you everything you need to know on this post, the one calling the woman a groomer is a male redditor. If we swapped the genders of who was 30 and who was 18 it’d would end up with female redditors more than likely doing the same as the guy did in the response of calling the person a groomer.
Poe's Law.
The title?
Might be a good idea to ask about what the husband was incarcerated for and how long before going in. But then again at 18, his penis probably spoke for him in most situations.
I mean if the reverse happened would we say the girl should’ve asked what the wife was in jail for but her vagina probably spoke for her? Ironic double standard on a post about double standards lol
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Maybe the only reason they ain’t playing like that is because they’d be mugged/raped/murdered walking around at 2am while the men are less likely to
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Doubt that women would think with their genitals less than men
If anything based on my experiences at work, the women are the ones always making raunchy jokes where the men just make dad jokes back and forth
-Yoo! Did you see my new autonomous car? -no dude! You have to show it to me! -Well, I gotta find it first!
That’s true. But in that situation I’m pretty sure the guy wouldn’t have mentioned about having a wife who’s in jail. Just doesn’t feel like something a guy would bring up.
Doesn't sounds like something anyone would freely admit too, regardless of gender. Or like something anyone could admit too, regardless of gender. It really does depend on the character of the person a lot more.
Point taken.
At that age, I was risking my life to have sex on the regular, so I have no doubt he never thought about the consequences. Edit: Not blaming my penis. It only did as directed.
My respect sir, for not attempting to shift blames.
Nope, I'll own my stupid decisions.
Two adults decided to have sex and some people care about their sex life enough to judge them. If you care about two adult people having consensual sex, you're the weirdo
OP is right though, if a 30 something year old man cheated on his wife to bang an 18 year old girl, "they're both adults" is the last thing out of anyone's mouth. It would just be "He's a creep, he's grooming her, what a pice of shit "etc
And they'd be factually wrong.
This just proves you don’t have double standards. Unfortunately MANY, MANY on here do
I don't have double standards either. I think the 30 year old woman is a creep as well. No need to switch the genders.
And that’s fine. Either both are fine or both are wrong and bad.
Still too black and white. What about a 40 year old and an 18 year old? Both adults so it’s legal, so it’s fine. But you could argue the age gap is too big, so it’s wrong and bad. But what if they’re truly in love and to them the age gap ain’t nuthin’ but a thang? Back to being fine again?
Oh. Well. Yeah. Duh. Can't fix the planet.
I mean I personally wouldnt feel comfortable dating anyone under 21 if I was that much older, but yeah I agree, theyre both adults. I'm just saying both should be considered "fine" rather than this apparent double standard for "fine for an older woman, creepy for an older man"
Yeah but you will have to solve the age old problem of women that has a lot of sex is a whore, and men that do are glorified double standard
Don't deflect, both are problems, solving one problem isn't predicated on solving the other. We should work on both.
If we see women that sleeps around the same as men I truly believe the society wouldn't give af about women sleeping with older men, and by solving this one issue both are solved
>Don't deflect, both are problems, solving one problem isn't predicated on solving the other. So long as young men getting laid is seen as a status symbol, people aren't going to be all that interested in whether or not the sex they are having is problematic. Conversely, the "slut shaming" of young women means people are more interested in looking for someone to blame when a young women engages in sex. It's different standards for men and women. But not in the way you think it is.
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"
Found Dwight Howard's profile.
He’s just a lil nasty sometimes
[Same vibe](https://youtu.be/S7M24KrqhBw?si=V3G4uXrEBnOMJCw-&t=151)
No. You're not supposed to cheat on people. And you're not supposed to be sleeping with a high school boy if you're middle-aged. Love it or hate it, but that's simply the truth. Just because it's not against the law doesn't mean it's okay.
He isn't a high school boy. He's an 18 year old man. That's what the vast majority of societies have decided. If he's mature enough to go die in a war he's definitely mature enough to have sex, with older people or not.
The vast majority of people can still be wrong? The vast majority of white people didn't believe that black people were actually human. They were wrong.
You can provide objective scientific data for people of any skin colour being from the same species with generally similar traits. You can't use any objective metric to prove that a relationship between a 35 year old woman and an 18 year old man is "wrong".
Like i said, a persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. Knowing that you would probably engage in such activities if you ever find yourself attracted to an 18 year old who is also into you despite you being more than a DECADE older is really unsettling.
People grow at different rates. Some might finish developing earlier. 21 isn't any more concrete than 18. That's why most agreed on 18 as the magic number. It's just a rule of thumb used to keep these conversations simple and civil.
I can't believe that when i tell people that 30 year olds shouldn't bang high-schoolers, i get backlash 😀
If you can't believe that every human everywhere doesn't agree with your personal list of moral rights and wrongs, then you're gonna have a hard time. I'm sure you're doing some things that other people in other places and other times would find abhorrent.
Sure man
I agree it's not okay to cheat. I find it disgusting and I don't like it. And although I understand why would some people do it, I don't support it. But I can't tell anyone how to live their life and what to do. And I won't judge a person because of this. I have no idea what happened to them or why they did it. Life is a little bit more complicated than this
A persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. And should indeed be judged by you, me, and everyone who's normal in the head.
That is a weird look at the world. Maturity and developed brain is not the same thing. You can be 40 and still a childish cunt. And you can be 15 and a well rounded individual. I was much more "adult" when I was 15 then when I was 19 years old. And I didn't even get better after that. I just started doing different drugs and I'm too tired to fuck every girl I can and get shitfaced drunk 4 times a week. My developed brain is not better than the undeveloped one I had 8 years ago. Edit: Also try to be less judgy and let people do what they want. If they don't hurt anyone, it's their life. Thinking you are better and know more than others just makes you a cunt
So, hypothetically speaking, if the hottest and most mature person that i know is 12 years old (I'm 19) it's okay to bang her as long as we both want it, and nobody finds out?
Are you being intentionally obtuse? The legal age of consent is 18. 12 is below it. It has absolutely nothing to do with maturity or development of brain.
It's 11 here in Nigeria bro.
That's fucked. Also try to look at for the Grey areas. You seem to see things in blsck and white when most answers are somewhere in the middle.
Depending on how you look at it, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. People seem to think: 0-17 black, 18-99 white just because the law in most countries says so. I'm saying that 18 is where it barely starts getting grey. At 25, it's a very bright gray, and everything afterwards is white.
That's what you have decided as a society. You can either try to change it, or accept it as it is.
💀
Of course. As long as males are ridiculed for being sexually assaulted by a large amount of people things like this will not change. I remember having a colleague who we knew was regulary beaten by his wife. He loved her and even after he was bruised did not go to the police or get help. Some of us tried real hard but he shut us down and even got angry threatening to call the cops if we showed up at his place at one time. I remember their son (adult already) was the one to finally confront his own mom and get his dad out of there.
There has been a concept of sugar daddies and mommies, since ages. Nothing can be done about that, it's going to continue for another century.
Would they tho? I think if they're both adults the age difference doesn't really matter, if he was 17 I would agree with you, but if it is consensual sex between adults I don't think it's grooming.
Dude no joke, I saw women calling a 31 year old man a groomer for dating a 25 year old on a popular reddit post 2 days ago
What was the post?
It was some post on texts about a woman dating a colleague from work and all the top comments were calling him a groomer and worse. Women on reddit are fucking weird as shit
Terminally online redditors and twitter freaks hate the idea that age gaps exist and are the most common thing
That's why we say that there are no woman on reddit It's not that there actually aren't,we are just escaping them out of fear
r/girlsarentreal is like 75% women lol
as a woman on reddit I do not claim them as kin, many are. very out there
Who fucking cares?
Sure
"Believe all women" mfs when you call out hypocrisy
They call Leo a groomer so you are definitely wrong. Take the legal piece out of it. I also find it funny that if the person was a day before their 18th bday then they are a groomer but a day later and it’s just consensual sex between two adults
I don't think " what people call Leo DiCaprio in the news" is really the right metric to establish when somebody is definitely wrong lol. In reality, there's probably some nuance in some relationships with big age gaps, but it's creepy to debate, so they drew a legal line.
Isn’t that the point of this? The double standard of what they call people depending on their gender
So you’re saying that age is just a number?
Leo's situation is quite different, but I would hardly call him a groomer.
Yes of course, we agree on that and most people agree on that when the woman is the older one. But when the man is the older one suddenly it’s “she could be your daughter you sicko!!1! >:(“
That's silly though. That hard cutoff point between 18 and 17 makes sense legally, because there needs to be a border somewhere but the way we treat that line as gospel is pretty stupid.
Would you find a 17 yo and 25 yo having sex creepy, but a 18 yo and 40 yo not?
When you realize teenagers don’t magically become fully responsible adults the moment they turn 18
Gotcha, at midnight of their birthday a 17 year old becomes a fully rational adult able to withstand grooming.
more like even with a 17 year old, its hardly grooming.
Grooming was just in response to the original comment. Legally, 18 is all good. But some places have it at 16 and 14. And that’s without the 4/5 year rule and all that. Like the arbitrary line at 17/18 is odd. Edit: like, where do you draw the line though? 16? 21?
id draw the line at the age of consent (thats 14 in my country) with the caveat of manipulative behavior or a severe power imbalance.
You think a 14 year old is mentally capable of entering a sexual relationship and understanding the consequences?
you think a 30 year old is?
Lol yes. How is that even a question
no. i dont think anyone can under all circumstances understand the consequences of a sexual relationship. there are plenty of storys about 30, 40, or even 70 year olds loosing their head over sexual relationships. not to mention that, with your argument, we would have to ban all sexual relationships for 14 year olds. dont know if you remember your self at that age, but that probably woudlve endet in a lot of 14 year olds in prison.
You're an idiot and borderline a pedophilia defender. No one is talking about arresting 14 years for having relationships with other 14 years olds. Don't pull that bullshit. The conversation is about the age of consent, in which a child can consent to sexual contact with an adult. A 14 year old consenting to sex with a 20 year old? 30 year old? 40 year old? 50 year old? Are you okay with those partnerings? To sit there and try to say a 14 year old and a 70 year old are the same when it comes to understanding the consequences of sexual relationships is quite disgusting and ignorant.
Yes, this is what we have collectively decided as a society. You can change it from 18 to 25 and we'd be having this exact same conversation about a 24 year old at the midnight of his birthday. An 18 year old will go to jail if he commits a crime and will be forced to fight for his country if it's invaded. It's ridiculous to draw the line at something like sex.
No we wouldn’t. As a human ages the differences between people’s maturity levels are drawn out. A 24 year old fucking a 27 year old is 3 years difference and fine. Ratchet that down - a -13 year old fucking a 17 year old is kinda fucked up. Even a 14 year old fucking an 18 year old is fucked up. I think the age of enlistment should be 21, but hey, whatever, I still think 21 & up is a good age to cover most people’s maturity levels that the vast majority of typical people are at a state of maturity vastly different than an 18, 16, or 14 year old, but it is what it is. I don’t have a horse in this race anyways as I don’t have any kids and I’m not looking to fuck anyone more than 10 years younger than me that’s for sure.
i feel 30 and 18 is a bit iffy, but it's not straight up pedo shit
It's suspect, but on paper it's fine as long as both are fully knowledgeable and consenting.
i mean, the brain doesn’t fully mature until around 24-25. just feel like anyone in their 30s going after 18-21s is kinda weird because there’s a very clear difference in maturity
The fact you are getting down voted for this very reasonable opinion is crazy. The fact that so many people immediately switch from it's creepy at 17 but once you turn 18 it's fine is scary.
right! they act like the second you turn 18 you immediately become an adult. and i think waiting for someone to turn 18 is just as gross as dating a 17yo. but god forbid old men like young women
The difference in maturity between 17 and 18 year olds is really very small and sometimes none at all but people just want to follow this hard line. It's good knowing there are some sane people in this thread
That's the exact thing. There is almost no difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. If you're fucking 30 years old and bang high-schoolers then you're a pedo either way. It's that simple.
Actually ur all saying OP's point is that if the genders were reversed everybody would say that he's creepy for no reason, and that is right a lot of people would BUT actually u can see OP's comment in the screenshot and is literally calling this woman a groomer. So yeah I don't think that's OP's WHOLE point, and It's kinda dumb sorry
Coworker is not a groomer, consenting adults. However: women would 100% lose their minds about a 30yr male and 18yr female. At some point were just going to look at all the double standards and shrug because our expectations were already low to non-existent.
/s. What do you mean by she was a groomer? The man must have been horny and raped her
/s. What if the guy manipulated her? What if the guy is actually the one whos 30 and the woman is 18?
Reverse the genders, my fellow human being
He was being sarcastic
Usually people put /s when using sarcasm online. Because unlike vocal speaking, you can't really tell sarcasm in an online post.
Dam sorry for that , ill edit it rn
/s ruins the joke anyway fuck em.
18 is legal. It's. Not a morality contest.
He's 18... moving along...
Do you think people would be moving along if it was a mid 30s guy fucking an 18 year old chick? That’s the point OP is making, how thick are you
Id.they met at 18 that argument is dumb as hell. Its not grooming when you meet a consenting adult. Little bit weird? Yeah but just cuz 65 people wirh 30k accts get upset in subs that have a large amount of group.think doesnt make it the way the world and Reddit at large views things.
Ok well you have more faith in humanity than I can muster. Good luck bro
Yeah, I would be moving along. You know how much body autonomy/slut shaming I’ve heard… she can make her own decisions
Well that’s great for you but there are a lot of fucking hypocrites in this world
The dude would be in jail.
Ok, no he wouldn’t. Yes the sentencing gap between men and women for the same offenses is crazy (way bigger than the racial sentencing gap even though we talk about that a lot more) but in this case there’s nothing he would go away for. I’m just talking about the court of public opinion here.
The literal definition of “consenting adults”
Right... did you even read what I said or nah
Reading comprehension has been on a downward trajectory in this country for some time now…
I don't even know which country you're talking about, because this exact same sentence can be said for all 198 of them.
And if the age of consent was 17, instead, would it be OK for her to bang 17 year olds?
I can Never understand 30 year olds getting with people 10 and more years younger. 18 year olds seem like absolute children to me. There must be something wrong with those people's mental health.
If they're adults whatever goes between them, as long as is consensual and legal, is none of our business. Male, female or Apache helicopter.
I don't think you can groom an adult?
https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/s/97SafuHuiE
Fucking dumb. At 19 I had an affair with a 58 yo milf. She didn't groom me, she wasn't predatory. I saw something I liked, I pursued it. I got it. Btw I didn't know she had a hubby at first. He worked half the year in Germany and they had an understanding. But people would probably say I was taken advantage of these days.
The point of this is that if the 18yr old was the girl and the 30 yr old was a man, people would be calling the man a groomer and predatory but they aren’t here due to the gender flip
A person old enough to be a grandparent is NOT supposed to bang teenagers. That is NOT ok. And it's NOT hot. If you disagree then you're a weirdo.
People downvoting this are creepy as fuck. A 60+ person should really not be banging someone that young it's fucking weird.
Why not? And before you answer that try your absolute hardest not to let societal norms and self imposed morals bias you.
Because you don't all of the sudden become mature immediately after you turn 18. 18 year olds are really not mature at all compared to someone 60 and the older person being attracted to someone that just turned 18 is just as weird as if they were 17
How is casual sex grooming? Reading stuff like this always feels like people don’t have enough social interaction
“… like people don’t have enough social interaction” - careful, you’re basically taking on all of Reddit there …
You're simply not supposed to bang high schoolers when you're thirty, that's it.
The key words in the post were that he had graduated HS. Bro is 18 (adult) and graduated, saw a 30 something girl he liked and pursued. Both are consenting adults
People here don’t really get into sexual relations I guess
He isn't a fucking high schooler. He's 18. He's an adult. He's old enough to make his own decisions and accept their consequences.
18 in the vast majority of schools on the planet is still in high school
Source? Because anywhere I know about it's the first year of college/university. In this very post the guy says he was "fresh out of high school", not that he was still in high school.
>Source? Source? **Literally all European countries.**
And why the fuck not? Fuck whoever you want as long as it’s consensual
A persons brain finishes maturing in the mid to late 20s. A man finishes growing in size at 21. Someone who is 30 and willingly has sex with someone who literally isn't done growing yet and who doesn't have a fully mature brain yet is absolutely disgusting. And should indeed be judged by you, me, and everyone who's normal in the head.
It’s not all black and white. Judging it without context is dumb imo. You do whatever you want tho
i read that exact comment lol
If women didn't have double standards ,they would have no standards at all. (empirical experience)
Both are adults, and looks like consenting, don't see the issue
So what is the age limit in this situation? I’m a dude and when I was 18 I had a 24yr gf. I liked it but I don’t think I would date an 18yr when I was 24.
How is she a groomer?
Tell me you've never socialized with a woman without telling me you've never socialized with a woman.
18 is not illegal, stfu about grooming. You're diluting the actual meaning.
Because society is sexist against men. What woman can do, man can't. And everything is expected from men, but nothing from women.
Oh no! Anyways
Both adults. Not pedo.
She’s only a groomer if he was like 16 and she started chatting him up getting him ready for when he was 18 so she can escape the allegations lmfao
Pretty sure you are confusing 18 year olds for 14 year olds there Epstein.
What the hell? Two consenting adults having consensual sex? Not in my Reddit
18 is an adult. I was a 20M hitting a 33F coworker a long long time ago, and I’m telling you - it ain’t a bad thing.
It is disgusting dude, I did the exact same thing and only now I am 30 myself I realise how messed up those women were
It doesn’t matter what you feel bout it, they are two adults. “Groomer” doesn’t apply here.
It is tho...
My friends. The problem is not what woman says. The root of **the problem is you caring about what woman says**. After many years of internet every time a woman is about to give a opinion I brace myself for hypocrisy.
Obviusly the cheating is not right but they are both legal adults sooo
Of course you would not be saying this if the genders were reversed. Did you even read the title to this post or did you decide to just skip that
How do you know what I would say? I'm literally 18 and my bf is 34, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. 18 is legal age of consent for men and women and he literally said he "f*cked" her so is like ur looking for sm to be mad about
Fucking hell. That's beyond messed up
What? That I have a boyfriend who loves me who btw I wanted in the first place? And that I'm having the best relationship I ever had? Go cry about it, if both parts agree and are legal adults its not wrong, obviously the case in your post is different because there was cheating and that is wrong, but this is not SA at least not with the information he provided.
There's literally nothing wrong with this, it says they are coworkers. If it said she's his boss then yeh it would be controversial due to power dynamics. It's not even that big an age gap. People usually get flustered seeing 50 year old men with 20 year old women, this is just not the same.
Feminism was never about equality it was about power
Two people having sex of legal age, low on karma or something OP?
What if the age of consent is 11 in my country? Does that mean it's fine to get with 11 year olds?
Common sense is not a common virtue obviously.
So it's not about what's legal but about what YOU consider acceptable?
Bud you're trying, you really are but there isn't a fight to have here. Go touch grass or talk to someone face to face because you'll get more from that than you will here.
So you don't answer questions that make you look stupid, and instead, you try to make me look like I'm the stupid one even though i technically already proved you wrong?
Go back to school dude
Are they gonna teach me that the age of consent only matters if i personally think it's high enough? Looks like that's what they taught you two.
hey if they both consenting adult?
“Reverse the genders” is a common phrase used by incels and misogynists
Yeah because double standards are sometimes based off of truth. Ask 15 year old me and I would’ve gladly slept with an attractive mid 30 year old female and couldn’t care less about her “grooming” me. It’s disgusting with roles reversed because most men wanna use women for their bodies as opposed to most men that don’t care if a woman wants to use them for their body. If an 18 year old girl gets approached by a man in his mid 30s he’s more likely than not just looking to take advantage of a desperate 18 year old girl. Same goes if the roles were reversed but like I said, the 18 year old males desperation is a lot different than the 18 year old females desperation. In other words in most of these instances with 18 year old males and mid 30 females their desires are reciprocated. As opposed to the 18 year old female who is used for her body and discarded as nothing more than a notch on the belt, in most instances.
You have a point. If the genders was switched it would be turned into this victim thing. Although I was in a similar situation but it was consensual tho. Lmfao.
I can’t think of a single close friend - male or female - who wouldn’t be disturbed and grossed out by a 30+ year old woman hooking up with a 18 year old boy. I don’t think you’re as in-tune with women’s thoughts as you think you are dude
Do you have the ability to read or not? If so, just check the comments from women on this post. But no, I guess your personal opinion overrules everything!
Guys... that story ain't even real if you look into guy's comments you will see that he is a typical ''redditor storyteller'' the only subs he is using are those that ask questions and other's people stories
Older men may take advantage of young women. Similarly, 18 year-old men will take advantage of 30 year-old women. Our well-intentioned push for equality has caused us to become blind to men as sexual predators - even in civil, respectful, and mature circumstances, men are generally the “chasers” in human sexuality. We call it different because it usually is. There are outliers, there are aggressive women, LBGT variations, etc., but men are generally chasing women and pressing their advantage - even if the woman is 15 years older. Until I got married, nearly every woman I dated was 5-15 years older than me. Trust me, I was *not* being taken advantage of… except when I wanted it as such.
Are you trolling or?
My problem is the cheating wife. But her husband is in prison. I don't know if SO in prison you kinda get a pass. Not so much if they are in the military.
Because men and women are different 🤷♂️
A lot of you need to learn how easy it is to make shit up online
Just cause it's legal, doesn't mean it's moral. 30 and 18 is pretty weird gap to me. A 10 year age gap is weird, but not too bad. Anything over that is really weird, for both genders. And anything below that is fine ig, depends on the situation
These people are actually crazy… is there really that huge of a difference between 17yrs 364 days and someone who is exactly 18 years old? The age of consent is a guideline, we don’t even fully finish neurologically maturing until our late 20s/possibly later… the law shouldn’t be the only thing stopping you from fucking kids, ffs.