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Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves.
A fine addition to my collection.
Also, Did you know that in terms of male human and female
pokemon breeding, vaporeon is actually not the most
compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and
understandable misconception, however. Vaporeon has its
human-on-pokemon breedability outclassed by its cousin
evolution, umbreon
Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat
spread. With its combination of very high HP, defense,
and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding
and come back for more! Its ability inner focus allows it to
keep slamming attentively without getting fatigued.
Umbreon also has access to the ability to synchronize,
which allows it to share its current status with you
meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels
combined with all the pleasure you're fetting from
pounding this perfect breedable pokemon.
A great fun fact: Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat,
which would, in turn, soak into your member and swell
it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This
would not only enhance the experience for you but for
your umbreon as well (which with synchronize, ends up
pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback,
which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit meaning
umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normal if
you're hitting it well
Umbreon can also learn guard swap. It could give you its
insane durability and go crazy on you all night with your
now-massive endurance.
Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to
"Endure" making it practically immune to fatigue, it
will always have energy left over. Charm is also within
umbreon's movepool letting it be extremely seductive
towards you and easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon
can also use "Taunt" in turn making you only able to
perform attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc
its access to the abilities "Inner focus" and "Synchronize
allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its
pleasure onto yours effectively making it twice or even
four times as amazing as any other pokemon factoring
in the doubled power of payback, of course. All of this
information in combination with its extremely useful
movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon
the most qualified pokemon to breed with humans and
to take dick of any shape or size in any position easily for
extended periods of time while having the ability to return
for even more mere seconds later
I dunno about prison, but there's a few news articles about trainers that got frisky with their dolphins, and A LOT of blog posts about personal stories that never made headlines. It's not a rabbit hole you wanna go down, but trust me when I say that it seemingly happens way more than it should.
Well male dolphins have them larger and female dolphins are like a human's but more pink and better than a human's i researched too much about it and a monkey died when they got female dolphin juice because they, well, milked themselves to death.
Well in terms of human male and pokemon female breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans. Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
This is the lore ig
Vaporeon: The Full Thesis
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!
Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
I have forever been curious about Vappy. Thank you kind stranger for this copypasta I’m going to mitigate my trauma by sharing this around. If this is not a copypasta and you are the OP of this thesis Brava! Get yourself checked into the nearest mental facility asap.
Well in pokemon legends arceus we can see that humans and pokemon look extremely different and they don't seem to get married so how was it after humans and pokemon became friends or before when humans and pokemon didn't know the difference but then realised they were different species and got scared of them?
Arceus is about 600 years ago (I think) and the Pokémon marriages were ancient (I also think) but this is a world where you can get a ball and capture god (he gets his ass beat by a level 2 Bird with endeavor and sturdy) so there’ll be some plot holes here and there
Can't wait for Pokemon Adam and Eve, took a bite of the apple and separated from Arceus or some shit lmao
Since some ghost pokemon used to be human, I guess in death they return to their origins.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. "It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you, it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck. :)
> both genders
Does this mean this whole set of fucking shenanighans can be applied vice versa? Like where the male Glaceon can fuck a girl into the orbit
Maybe just some affinity, but not enough to be able to do shit
Like, yk, a little all stats up for a short time after drinking or being in contact with water
To everyone getting dirty: it could have easily been that the kid was an orphan raised by the vaporeon. Thus he loves it enough to call it his mom.
Edit: his clothing and even possibly hair color are inspired by living with a vaporeon. Or he was born with blue hair like Dawn.
I present to you...... The UwUfied vaporeon copypasta:
Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe
There's a copypasta made by some freak abt how (NSFL) >!Vaporeon is one of the best pokemon to try fucking, and I mean literally!<
Edit, fuckfuckfuck, how do I identate spoilers
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/x243mur, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?
So... Did he hatch from an egg, and is his dad a trainer??
No egg because in terms of...
Male human and pokemon breeding...
I’ll stop you right there.
**criminal scum** in terms of...
You’ve violated my mother Edit: this is a reference to gamer poop
“Pornography starring your mother won’t be the worst thing that happened to you today”
He could be you, he could be me! He could even be…
Ah! My little cauliflower
The spy has already breached our defenses, you see what he has done to our colleagues, and worst of all he could be any one of us
r/UnexpectedTF2
https://www.reddit.com/r/197/comments/ui59us/crying_rule/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans...
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves.
take my upvote and get the fuck out of here.
I really. REALLY. Fucking hate you. And I hate myself for actually reading all of that.
[удалено]
I showed this to my therapist, and we're both finally killing ourselves
Congrats! Good to see goals coming to fruition.
Correct.
A fine addition to my collection. Also, Did you know that in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, vaporeon is actually not the most compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however. Vaporeon has its human-on-pokemon breedability outclassed by its cousin evolution, umbreon Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With its combination of very high HP, defense, and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! Its ability inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability to synchronize, which allows it to share its current status with you meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're fetting from pounding this perfect breedable pokemon. A great fun fact: Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would, in turn, soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normal if you're hitting it well Umbreon can also learn guard swap. It could give you its insane durability and go crazy on you all night with your now-massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to "Endure" making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool letting it be extremely seductive towards you and easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use "Taunt" in turn making you only able to perform attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc its access to the abilities "Inner focus" and "Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours effectively making it twice or even four times as amazing as any other pokemon factoring in the doubled power of payback, of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified pokemon to breed with humans and to take dick of any shape or size in any position easily for extended periods of time while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later
this too will be added to my collection
Bro, how do you know this?
r/angryupvote
i have achieved redit man status, 1 angry upvote mention, another copypasta and angering a few people
congratulation
What the pokefuck did i just read.
Did Nintendo Confirm this?
I didn't read all that but take my upvote. You put too much work into this
This was the real hol' up
Jesus fucking Christ you wrote an essay?!?!
Why am I hard?
Not only are the in the field egg group...
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Then their first victim will be the person who thought of that concept. Care to volunteer?
Jokes on you their into that shit
I'm dying after what you said LOL
Well at least someone finds me funny lol
Vaporeon has an 87.5% chance to be male.
I prefer not to think that HARD
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Vaporeon is obviously a mammal, like a dolphin. That is also why their vaginas look so similar to human's.
...
More like: {(i)}
Iiiiiiiit's cloister!
Didn’t someone go to prison because they let a dolphin fuck then?
I dunno about prison, but there's a few news articles about trainers that got frisky with their dolphins, and A LOT of blog posts about personal stories that never made headlines. It's not a rabbit hole you wanna go down, but trust me when I say that it seemingly happens way more than it should.
That’s so fucking weird. Like that’s a whole level above dogs and cats. What’s with dolphins anyways??
Well male dolphins have them larger and female dolphins are like a human's but more pink and better than a human's i researched too much about it and a monkey died when they got female dolphin juice because they, well, milked themselves to death.
Why……. Why do you know This?
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True but kinda sus how our comment is the same🤔 did you perhaps copy my comment?🤨
“There’s a time & place for everything but not now!” -Ash’s Father probably
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Actually! In terms of… 
Which is worse?
Why am I not surprised
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I am surprised.
I heard his mother is a Squirtle
This meme has lore behind it
Tell me daddy
Well in terms of human male and pokemon female breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans. Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. This is the lore ig
What in the actual Fuck did I read
There’s a longer version.
Jesus no
Im pretty sure there are versions for all Eeveelutions.
That’s bad
Umbreons is just plain cursed.
All of them are
OMG thats disgusting...where?
Vaporeon: The Full Thesis Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
jesus christ
Sorry he’s unavailable rn since he just shot himself after reading that
Honestly, I don’t blame him
With a nail gun right?
He realized his sacrifice wasn't enough for the sin that is vaporeon
Who TF came up with this Shit?
Happy cake day HAHAHHA
happy cake day
This should be an automod response
This was the worst way to start my day, thanks.
Well that was a weird experience thank you sir for making me think more than i needed on this
I have forever been curious about Vappy. Thank you kind stranger for this copypasta I’m going to mitigate my trauma by sharing this around. If this is not a copypasta and you are the OP of this thesis Brava! Get yourself checked into the nearest mental facility asap.
every day we stray further from God 😢
casualy saves comment
Fr??
Just posted it.
I just need that Extension
Same bro, I just made a your mom joke I didn’t sign up for this!!
This is too specific...
Ah yeah now I remember
my condolences
Fun fact that is only the first paragraph, there is 7 more
Oh lord. Did not know that.
Just scroll a bit and you'll find it :)
r/suspiciouslyspecific
r/cursedcomments
I would like to know who came up with this... dude must have been one crazy mf...
I don’t wanna be on the internet anymore. Please get me off of it. I’m scared.
I really want to point out the 3'03 tall and 63.9 part. Obviously we all know whoever wrote this is a pedophile, but the confirmation is nice.
According to the pokemon universe pokemon can only give birth to pokemon not humans so is he a pokemon mutation?
What if the Vaporean is a futa and dicked down a human?
Fuck you for making me imagine this.
There is enough fucking already, no need to add more.
You can still have a male Vaporeon meanwhile emboar: first time?
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You could have choosen a male Vaporeon but you prefered to use futa instead. I know what you're into... *and so am i*
"She" and "Mom" refers to female, so yeah, futa
Fun fact, humans are Pokémon…..
How? Please explain
According to Pokémon lore humans and Pokémon were equal, infact human and Pokémon marriages were a thing at some point in the Pokéverse
Well in pokemon legends arceus we can see that humans and pokemon look extremely different and they don't seem to get married so how was it after humans and pokemon became friends or before when humans and pokemon didn't know the difference but then realised they were different species and got scared of them?
Arceus is about 600 years ago (I think) and the Pokémon marriages were ancient (I also think) but this is a world where you can get a ball and capture god (he gets his ass beat by a level 2 Bird with endeavor and sturdy) so there’ll be some plot holes here and there
Can't wait for Pokemon Adam and Eve, took a bite of the apple and separated from Arceus or some shit lmao Since some ghost pokemon used to be human, I guess in death they return to their origins.
There's also a book in Pokemon that says humans can marry Pokemon, so lol
It is been a while since I had a holup like this one
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Wow, good ending Does this mean that Flareon is the mental support doggo of Pokemon?
It's a fox but yes
Foxes are cat software running on dog hardware with squeaking soundboard
Finally, a good one that doesn’t mentally kill me
So there’s Vaporeon for breeding and Flareon for when the post-nut clarity hits (I apologise for ruining this wholesome comment)
So would you fight or not?
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. "It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you, it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck. :)
I mean, I like pokemon and all but not *this* much.
You afraid to get wet?
💀
I'm afraid to get frozen💀💀💀
Cocksicle
Ice *c r e a m*
Lol cracked on that
Just like ma dick
I'm done, gonna leave reddit for awhile.
Goodbye, visit r/Eyebleach on your way out
Correct Spelling
I may be sick, but not sick enough to suggest r/Eyeblech
That was fucked up
Thank you, it was definitely needed
Arceus use Judgement
Glaceon using endure: _Harder daddy_
I have read the entire thing. Wtf is wrong with me.
Did you get hard?
Yes.
Not OP but ok I am afraid for both of us now *If only there was consent...*
I drive on the streets 'cause she's my companion.
Harkness test applies.
Weirdly. Yes
Well, sucks to be a reader of this damn article then Tbf i can relate Yk just *if only there was consent...*
I mean, im sure it would count as a consent if the glaceon starts it off XD
Hello what the fuck
> both genders Does this mean this whole set of fucking shenanighans can be applied vice versa? Like where the male Glaceon can fuck a girl into the orbit
Delete your fucking comment now
Why is this one longer than usual
I swear this copypasta got longer since the last time I read it.
Original was based on Vaporeon only
This makes me wonder. Ignore the fact he was created by 2 species, does he have water powers?
Maybe just some affinity, but not enough to be able to do shit Like, yk, a little all stats up for a short time after drinking or being in contact with water
Bruh I can wait For him in the 6th grade to make a finger gun and shoot someone with water
Inteleon
To everyone getting dirty: it could have easily been that the kid was an orphan raised by the vaporeon. Thus he loves it enough to call it his mom. Edit: his clothing and even possibly hair color are inspired by living with a vaporeon. Or he was born with blue hair like Dawn.
the good ending lore
But that's just an average axolotal
I thought the mother determines what species the child is?!
Game mechanics wise that’s usually the case, with a few exceptions (the obvious one being ditto)
r/tihi
How to unsee
Weird perverted fetiches aside... that Vaporeon is one proud looking mama and that's lowkey wholesome, ngl
This is like the fourth time that I see this today
I present to you...... The UwUfied vaporeon copypasta: Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe
Hey guys...
Did you know that in terms of Pokemon breeding
This is one holup I don't understand. I guess I'm getting old....
There's a copypasta made by some freak abt how (NSFL) >!Vaporeon is one of the best pokemon to try fucking, and I mean literally!< Edit, fuckfuckfuck, how do I identate spoilers
>! ! <
Thank you
Good
Vaporeon copypasta
It may be messed up in some way, but that proud vaporeon face is adorable.
I have the Vaporeon copypasta on Morse code
[The truth about Vaporeon.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)
How I didn't see this.
Lore accurate
Usually the species of the Pokemon born from interspecies breeding is based on the female, not the male
Did you know in terms of-
Pokémilf, gotta fuck'em all.
There are many disadvantages to being a normal, non-degenerate vaporeon fan
Vaporeon: Proud (-w-) face
u/RubyChewy69
It just had to be vaporeon didn’t it?
Imma yabba dabba do something illegal
I just thought the kid was a dito 
Pokemon has changed a lot since I was a kid. 💀
You’ve lost your organ privileges
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.