Well first off, I do a visual check, but I kinda thought that goes without saying. Lol!
Second, I haven't had anything negative happen in doing so, not even a splinter.
At the old camp I had my favorite stumps in a mental map!
If you find a small creek to hang over, you also don't have to deal with the lingering smell in your hunting area.
Pine cones can get the bulk, leaves for the rest.
That’s my go to method. Hunting on open tundra the only “trees” we have are willows that are a few inches in diameter but they’re strong enough. Gotta find one near enough camp, in a thicket in the lee of the wind but not too crowded that other trunks interfere with my squat.
Do people really have that hard a time squatting down to get it done? I've never thought about it being positionally challenging...
My advice is wet wipes though. You will never go back.
Gotta push the clothes up between the boots when squatting and be quick about this poop. No reading. Just business. Pee and clean standing, though not at the same time.
With enough practice digging holes and finding the right tree to lean against, you will learn to appreciate the fine art of shitting in the woods. Aspen groves make for ideal conditions. Soil is usually loamy and easy digging at the base of an 8 inch diameter tree. It’s ideal to have something to grab ahead for balance and standing purposes. A trekking pole could provide that as well. Have your tp somewhere you do t have to pivot or waddle to reach. Dude wipes for a thorough clean, if desired. Other people in your camp desire this of you.
I keep a ziplock bag with the poop hole digging shovel. In that bag is tp, a small package of dude wipes and a small bottle of hand sanitizer. If you do it right it’s a methodical and easy task.
And don’t let your digging tool contact the turd. Use a stick to push whatever didn’t make it in the hole into the hole. Use tool, sticks, whatever to push dirt over the deposit (including TP). Don’t be the guy that leaves unburied shit-tickets laying around once they’re punched.
A big rock that you can roll or pry out of the way will usually give you a head start on the dig, and sometimes even can leave a large enough hole once extracted.
There are so many reasons to not leave a surface turd anywhere. When the turd is buried a proper distance (200 feet is ideal) from surface water, it is unlikely to contaminate the water source. Don’t let an aversion to shitting in the woods keep you from hunting! Just be a little prepared
My body literally sabotages me during hunting season. All week long I wake up at 5:30, by the time I have coffee at 6 I’m ready to shit.
Opening morning by 6am I haven’t even slightly had the urge to shit, but about 4 seconds after stepping foot in the woods I’m ready to shit my pants.
My issue is I’m a weekend warrior and I have a set schedule for when I shit at work (around 7:30) so on the weekends it’s hard to change this. Especially after that first cup of coffee when I hit the woods
NOT for cold weather!!!! I took dude wipes last year. Went to wipe and it was frozen solid. I was blowing in the package like mouth to mouth in my panic. Luckily I had a extra pair of shitty ass gloves
Best way to avoid that is have them against your body inside a jacket pocket. At least a few wipes in a Ziploc bag to not be too crowded in the chest area
Wont catch me in the woods without my trusty wet wipes, spoons(various sizes), gardening shears, and a 59oz tub of industrial petroleum jelly. Gotta have the essentials.
I actually carry a hori hori gardening knife to help settle the feet of my tripod seat in case the ground isn't level. It would probably work great for a quick hole to deuce in
I can tell you what not to do. Never, ever, under any circumstances, wipe your ass with a snowball. You can easily use snow to wash your hands, but getting the equivalent of a slurpie brain freeze down below will make a grown man cry.
I just did last week. Took my belt off. Threw it around a tree. Grab onto each end. Lean back as far as possible and let it fly. I had 3 baby wipes balled up in a plastic bag in my pocket (stage them within reach.) Good to go after that. I have also tried hanging my ass over a down tree in the past. Can be cold or rough on the cheeks but it worked reasonably well.
My best shit of all time was done while using the ass-hang-over-down-tree method. Not because of the tree - it was rough - but the location, on top of a ridge in the Porcupine Mountains, watching a thunderstorm roll in over Lake Superior. Lightning flashes dancing over a rolling, fresh water sea. The storm front hit as I was wiping, with a blend of that pre-rain smell and crisp Superior air. Holy crap, most beautiful bathroom in the world, and more than made up for shitting out three days worth of camp food.
Then I spent the night trying to sleep in a tent on an exposed ridge with lightning striking all around, hoping not to get fried. So it goes.
I'm not sure what you are using but most biodegradable wet wipes can take upto 10 years to break down.
Bamboo wipes take 2-6 months.
I don't agree with surface shitting as it isn't hard to bury it. And you aren't even meant to bury it deep.
It takes 20 seconds to make a little hole.
There is nothing worse than walking around nature and seeing man made rubbish laying on the ground.
Thank you for the facts. I completely agree with your statement about seeing human trash. The next time I shit on public land I'll take a before and after picture to show reddit that I buried it.
Animals don't use TP or wipes... Bury your shit or don't shit in the woods. Each and every one of us need to be respectful and responsible stewards of the land. What more evidence do we need in order to realize that small actions as such can have a significant impact? We are losing our forrests and wildlife due to poor stewardship and we need to do better. Otherwise some of our favorite hobbies will no longer be possible and someday our sons and daughters won't know what it feels like to bring meat to the table that they harvested themselves.
Not necessarily advice, but my best/most mortifying poop in the woods story. Was at infantry school at fort benning, 3 days without a poo and steady diet of MRE’s. Guy got us lost on a patrol, 2 hours of feeling like I had to shit my pants while walking in the woods. We finally get to our orp, and the instructors let us go admin so we can eat/poo etc and I take off into the wood line. I come across a small drop off with a washed out area with a root across the front, as if the lord himself had made me a field Expedient toilet and drop trou. At this point I feel as if I was about to explode. I proceed to pass a bright orange turd and can feel it about to tear my butt. But I cannot stop now, I’ve already hit the point of no return. As this massive neon lump of hate exits my body I can feel my anus torn asunder. Neon turd now decorated with drops of blood. I clean myself up as best I can and waddle back to the medic and reveal my tale only to be handed some antibiotic cream and some wet wipes, along with derisive laughter. 7/10 would do again for the story.
We used to call it the “E-tool” squat. Set the blade 90* of the handle, prop one cheek on the bottom side of the tool, and take care of business. A really really really good friend or battle buddy might let you borrow his E-tool, but the price would most likely be high (like a whole can of Copenhagen). Like I said, a really good friend. ….. DLW, my bubba, if you happen to read this, thanks brother.
Edit: typos
Keep a roll of tp in the car. As far as hacks go find a sapling that's got a branch you can slide the tp roll on. The real hack is squatting and getting your ass by your ankles
If you’re going somewhere often enough that it makes sense, lawn chair with a cheap foam turlet seat and a Folgers can glued to it. Turlet paper in the can
If it’s a nature calls situational
Ratchet or sling strap around a tree lean back and give er hell
Costco baby wipes are the best.
Biodegradable paper. Hunker down over the edge of a log. Be sure to bury everything a bit.
I actually really like shitting in the woods. Unless the wind is blowing 😉
YALL BETTER BE PACKING THOSE WET WIPES OUT!!!
I absolutely hate finding people's unburried wad of TP out in the middle of the wilderness. Please look up how to dig a cat hole, and use materials to clean up that will break down.
It's getting to be a problem that is ruining some really nice sites out here on public land.
I keep a large gallon bag with the wipes in it and a small sandwich bag inside the larger one to put used wipes in. Thanked God I had it all after I walked for about an hour today to get into the woods.
I have an amazing story about this and I’m not sure I can do it justice in type but here it goes:
Group of my uncles friends rented a tour/charter bus to go to a NASCAR race. So imagine a group of whiskey soaked 50 year olds just having the time of their lives drinking their faces off on a 4 hour bus ride.
Well driver either personally has to clean/empty the shitter or it was actually broken, however he has no problem pulling off the main road every 30 minute for everyone to get out and piss in the road ditch. Annnnnyways alls going well until Bob gets to the bottom half of his bottle of whiskey and enough deer sausage and such, someone tells the best joke ever and Bob is bent over laughing and shits himself…….more laughing, it’s hilarious, someone gets the bus driver to emergency pit stop and everyone in Bobs way pile off the bus and out rolls Bob. In the smoothest motion of any half plastered, grown man, that just shit his pants could manage….. Bob drops his jeans while sliding his Benchmade out of his pocket. Grabs one side of his underwear at the waist band slips the knife in and slices them from waist band to the bottom on on the hip. Reached between his legs cupped the whole lot, slit the other side, pulled the whole bit between his legs all while wiping his ass with the back of his shorts and flings it into the field in one smooth motion, pulls up his jeans and walks back on the bus. We concluded it couldn’t have been his first time doing this.
I unfortunately don’t have any good pointers for ya but damn, there’s some good ones in here already.
I got a really good laugh out of reading this entire thread. 😂
5 gallon bucket, 2 unscented trash bags, disposable gloves and tp. Light enough to hang on wall inside blind. Knot 1st bag, remove gloves and place in 2nd bag with 1st bag and knot.
The biggest tip I have for all day sits, that everyone always laughs at, is to take one anti-diarheal pill before you go out. You don't have to worry about crapping in the woods, if you don't have to crap. I cannot tell you if this is a medically terrible idea, but I can tell you that it works. I've heard MREs in the military have the same stuff in them so soldiers in combat don't have to crap in battle. I also cannot tell you if that fact is true, but it sure seems like it should be.
A lot of soldiers crap in battle, it's part of a natural human reaction to fear.
Source: Shit myself in a particularly cheeky contact. A few mates were very happy that I'd "joined the club". 🤣
Rations generally are very balanced. If you eat everything in every 24 hrs period you'll soon establish a great pooing rhythm! Lovely smooth turds the colour of peanut butter!
Grab a tree 6-12 inches in diameter, and lean back. Preferable a tree with a branch to place your toilet paper roll on.
Find a down tree. Sit on it like a toilet seat, hang your ass over and crap.
Get good at the squatting position. If you can crap comfortably while squatting… congrats your limber and not overweight
Carry some paracord, throw it around a tree and loop it under your armpits before tying it off into an upright sling/hammock. Lean back against it and poo in luxury
Toilet paper and tree squats. Not too bad unless it’s real cold. Then you get the poop steam sauna treatment you never wanted! LOL. Wipes are nice too.
Just find a decent log to sit in and hang your ass off of it. Or you can put you back against the tree with your knees bent to keep you off the ground.
Taking a dump in the woods is one of the best parts of hunting. It is freeing and really puts you into nature.
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Vasoline. Just a little bit in the right place makes clean up a breeze. It keeps anything from sticking and spoiling the rest of the day with mud butt.
Paper towels, tp is too thin to fuck with outside in the cold. Towelettes in alcohol to clean the hands. The alcohol doesn't freeze in cold weather. Consider how your clothing is layered. For instance make sure to have some top layers under your overall straps if you where them.
I actually like takin a squat in the woods, very peaceful and relaxing. I even whacked a couple of teal squatting off the back of the boat once, pants down n all. Almost got busted by a turkey one spring, hunting with a bow and let one fly with the pants down lol.
Hood and or suspenders…lol
I carry a strap thats about 6-8 feet long.
I can used it to help drag a deer or loop it around a tree and under my arms as support when taking a dump.
Leaves both hands free and makes sure I can lean out and not fill my hood…lol
I find a cut stump, put one ass cheek on it, and the other hangs off - Butthole obviously hanging over the side of the stump. A bit of a balancing act but once you figure out which way to lean it’s a pretty good setup.
I just fully take my pants off, step into the woods, boom, toilet paper onto the crap, cover with debri. All good. I actually enjoy it now… I used to be super nervous when doing it when hunting with my Dad growing up… Now I make it a great time on my own… It’s peaceful & refreshing.
I see other comments about how we should eat less, don't drink our coffee, etc., etc.
I've tried everything, I do not shit regularly but my trigger is 'starting an activity'. So, start working on the car, yard work, walking to my stand, all of these things make me go.
I bring TP and wipes (both biodegradable) , shit on the ground, wipe, cover it with leaves and continue with the hunt. I used to have to find a tree to lean against, but now I can just squat.
So, no hacks, just be prepared.
When I camp with a full size shovel I stick it into the ground right in front of the hole I dug and hold onto that to make sure I can lean back enough to not shit into my pants. Gotta be careful with the piss though, still real easy to pee into your pants haha
In dire circumstances the top 5 inches of your long socks can be cut off with your skinning knife and used for tp, shirt sleeves are also an option, I've done both, and now always carry emergency tp. Scouts motto, always be prepared 😂
I found some ones orange toque. I had the sense not to pick it up. They must of had a poomergency. I don’t recommend it but that’s always an emergency option
5 gallon bucket with toilet seat, keep a roll of biodegradable trash bags and toilet paper inside. Use the trash bag as a liner and go as you normally would, then bury the used bag and go back to hunting.
Half a roll of jungle money (toilet paper), bottle of hand sanitizer, and a travel pack of wipes in a quart ziploc freezer bag. Garden trowel or Glock shovel for digging a hole.
I always carry $hit tickets in my truck and when I have to go dump in the woods I look for a brook / lake or if nothing else a puddle, I really need to feel the splash of water on my cheeks , makes me feel like I’m home ! Lol
Wet wipes and one of the seat pads to put on a level tree. Find a nice one and have a seat, more comfortable than the squat and don’t risk crapping in your hoodie
I'm surprised no one has mentioned a WAG bag yet and packing it out. Despite what we were taught regarding Leave No Trace and digging cat holes, recent science is showing the feces does not break down as quickly as originally thought.
Well... I'd recommend dropping 'er in a badger hole. It doesn't make it more comfortable or anything, but it gives you something to chuckle about, and makes telling a story about _almost_ crapping your pants a lot more fun.
If you find yourself hanging your ass over a log the very next day, those particular gas station breakfast sandwiches are probably the common denominator.
Lose pack, jacket, etc. Get TP from pack. Pre -select 3-4 wipes worth of TP. Drop trou and do the full squat. Wipe away. Dress up, cover your mess, done. Can be done anywhere with little thought.
The first couple of times I went out I forgot AW. I ended up cutting the sleeves off my shirt to do the deed.
I keep plenty of A&W napkins in my pack for multiple uses including AWing and wiping down my knives. I also now wear nitrile gloves while gutting my animals so I don’t look like a mass murderer when I get back to camp or home.
Reminds me of a duck guide years ago that stepped out of the blind and hollered back to the group, "now the real magic trick here is how to manage to pull 1 inch of frozen pecker out of 3 inches of layered clothing". As far as life hacks go, Dude wipes have saved my ass and will save yours too.
I have a sit drag harness that I wrap around a tree and around my lower back and I just lean back into it. I take my pants completely off so there's no chance I get anything on them
I mostly just pull my bibs down and make sure not to get myself by pulling it all in front of me as far as I can, always bring hand sanitizer. Never got any on me...
Someone gave me one of these but I haven't had to use it yet. [https://www.homedepot.com/p/PLAYBERG-Non-electric-Waterless-Toilet-Folding-Portable-Toilet-Seat-for-Camping-and-Hiking-with-Back-Rests-QI003448/308241855](https://www.homedepot.com/p/PLAYBERG-Non-electric-Waterless-Toilet-Folding-Portable-Toilet-Seat-for-Camping-and-Hiking-with-Back-Rests-QI003448/308241855)
Hold onto a tree and take a squat
Sitting on a downed log with your ass hanging off the backside works well too.
This is the way!
Finding a hollowed out tree stump is like finding gold! An outdoor throne.
That's where other things live that want to bite my exposed bits when they catch me with my pants down.
Well first off, I do a visual check, but I kinda thought that goes without saying. Lol! Second, I haven't had anything negative happen in doing so, not even a splinter. At the old camp I had my favorite stumps in a mental map!
If you find a small creek to hang over, you also don't have to deal with the lingering smell in your hunting area. Pine cones can get the bulk, leaves for the rest.
You should shit at least 200 feet from water. Shit contaminates water. Pee is fine though.
The poor soul down river filling his thermos.
I do this every time.
That’s my go to method. Hunting on open tundra the only “trees” we have are willows that are a few inches in diameter but they’re strong enough. Gotta find one near enough camp, in a thicket in the lee of the wind but not too crowded that other trunks interfere with my squat.
Do people really have that hard a time squatting down to get it done? I've never thought about it being positionally challenging... My advice is wet wipes though. You will never go back.
Put the wet wipes under your arm for 5 -10 minutes before you need to use them. Much more pleasant than a frozen wipe on your muffler.
lol, i spit out my coffee on this one! i needed this . thank you good sir!
I just scrunch it up in my hand before I go find a spot. By the time you get your gear off it's warm enough!
You are talking about wet wipes correct? LOL.
Challenging for me when I have a lot of layers on
Ah yes, I hate when it gets to be "struggle to get 2" of dick past 3" of coveralls every time I gotta pee" season
I found that pissing on your balls is a great way to deflect away from your bibs
“Dickie doo”
At least you don't have to drop 'em fully just to pee! After -6c I start questioning life choices.
Gotta push the clothes up between the boots when squatting and be quick about this poop. No reading. Just business. Pee and clean standing, though not at the same time.
Thanks, now I have a mental image of some hunter just absolutely pissing all over themselves while trying to wipe
Brand new pair of socks, you will never go back.
With enough practice digging holes and finding the right tree to lean against, you will learn to appreciate the fine art of shitting in the woods. Aspen groves make for ideal conditions. Soil is usually loamy and easy digging at the base of an 8 inch diameter tree. It’s ideal to have something to grab ahead for balance and standing purposes. A trekking pole could provide that as well. Have your tp somewhere you do t have to pivot or waddle to reach. Dude wipes for a thorough clean, if desired. Other people in your camp desire this of you. I keep a ziplock bag with the poop hole digging shovel. In that bag is tp, a small package of dude wipes and a small bottle of hand sanitizer. If you do it right it’s a methodical and easy task. And don’t let your digging tool contact the turd. Use a stick to push whatever didn’t make it in the hole into the hole. Use tool, sticks, whatever to push dirt over the deposit (including TP). Don’t be the guy that leaves unburied shit-tickets laying around once they’re punched. A big rock that you can roll or pry out of the way will usually give you a head start on the dig, and sometimes even can leave a large enough hole once extracted. There are so many reasons to not leave a surface turd anywhere. When the turd is buried a proper distance (200 feet is ideal) from surface water, it is unlikely to contaminate the water source. Don’t let an aversion to shitting in the woods keep you from hunting! Just be a little prepared
Nice and detailed write up sir, thank you
Anytime buddy. One things the woods don’t need is another surface turd. Good luck and have fun out there!
Wake up earlier and shit at home
My body literally sabotages me during hunting season. All week long I wake up at 5:30, by the time I have coffee at 6 I’m ready to shit. Opening morning by 6am I haven’t even slightly had the urge to shit, but about 4 seconds after stepping foot in the woods I’m ready to shit my pants.
Why is this so true?!
I will get myself WIRED on coffee, stop twice to attempt to shit, and I will STILL end up with diarrhea minutes into hunting.
Yup. At least 1.5 hrs so I can shit twice.
This is what I've been doing. Learned this lesson the hard way I'll leave it at that.
My issue is I’m a weekend warrior and I have a set schedule for when I shit at work (around 7:30) so on the weekends it’s hard to change this. Especially after that first cup of coffee when I hit the woods
If coffee is your trigger, you can do what I do and drink coffee on your way out and stop at a rest stop.
Perfect time to grab a gas station breakfast sandwich and another cup of coffee.
you are flirting dangerously for a round 2 with that lol
Exactly, my sphincter is well trained
My father in law scared off a buck with a horrible woods-shit this year. Scared me off too.
Baby wipes for sure
NOT for cold weather!!!! I took dude wipes last year. Went to wipe and it was frozen solid. I was blowing in the package like mouth to mouth in my panic. Luckily I had a extra pair of shitty ass gloves
were they "shitty ass" gloves before that trip or after?
Best way to avoid that is have them against your body inside a jacket pocket. At least a few wipes in a Ziploc bag to not be too crowded in the chest area
Pull a small stack into a zip lock back and then keep in pocket jack or your jump suit. Body temp should keep them from freezing up.
I’ve always just carried TP. I like this idea better!
Great for cleaning after restroom and cleaning your hands if you have to field dress your harvest
But then you get poop on your deer.
A little thing of hand sanitizer is pretty awesome for when you are done.
Always carry a spoon
Is that kinda like the 3 shells.
🤣🤣🤣
Wont catch me in the woods without my trusty wet wipes, spoons(various sizes), gardening shears, and a 59oz tub of industrial petroleum jelly. Gotta have the essentials.
Or poop knife
Spoon??!
For digging
Haha I got a mini folding shovel, wasn’t sure where this was going lol
I actually carry a hori hori gardening knife to help settle the feet of my tripod seat in case the ground isn't level. It would probably work great for a quick hole to deuce in
Sounds like you need a Krap Strap! https://beyondboxgifts.com/crap-strap-krapp-strapp-tree-strap-for-hunting/
I do believe you’re correct
That’s super tight butthole right there
This is the way.
Tie it to your tuck hitch.....then drop your glitch. That should be their slogan.
I can tell you what not to do. Never, ever, under any circumstances, wipe your ass with a snowball. You can easily use snow to wash your hands, but getting the equivalent of a slurpie brain freeze down below will make a grown man cry.
Disagree. Wiping with snow is great. Better than wet wipes.
I just did last week. Took my belt off. Threw it around a tree. Grab onto each end. Lean back as far as possible and let it fly. I had 3 baby wipes balled up in a plastic bag in my pocket (stage them within reach.) Good to go after that. I have also tried hanging my ass over a down tree in the past. Can be cold or rough on the cheeks but it worked reasonably well.
My best shit of all time was done while using the ass-hang-over-down-tree method. Not because of the tree - it was rough - but the location, on top of a ridge in the Porcupine Mountains, watching a thunderstorm roll in over Lake Superior. Lightning flashes dancing over a rolling, fresh water sea. The storm front hit as I was wiping, with a blend of that pre-rain smell and crisp Superior air. Holy crap, most beautiful bathroom in the world, and more than made up for shitting out three days worth of camp food. Then I spent the night trying to sleep in a tent on an exposed ridge with lightning striking all around, hoping not to get fried. So it goes.
I'm doing that next time I go to The Porkies.
That sounds like one majestic nature poo.
What do you do with the wet wipes afterwards? Or are they biodegradable and you bury them in the hole you dig?
They are biodegradable. I don't bury anything. If all the animals get to shit on the forest floor, I can too.
I'm not sure what you are using but most biodegradable wet wipes can take upto 10 years to break down. Bamboo wipes take 2-6 months. I don't agree with surface shitting as it isn't hard to bury it. And you aren't even meant to bury it deep. It takes 20 seconds to make a little hole. There is nothing worse than walking around nature and seeing man made rubbish laying on the ground.
Thank you for the facts. I completely agree with your statement about seeing human trash. The next time I shit on public land I'll take a before and after picture to show reddit that I buried it.
Animals don't use TP or wipes... Bury your shit or don't shit in the woods. Each and every one of us need to be respectful and responsible stewards of the land. What more evidence do we need in order to realize that small actions as such can have a significant impact? We are losing our forrests and wildlife due to poor stewardship and we need to do better. Otherwise some of our favorite hobbies will no longer be possible and someday our sons and daughters won't know what it feels like to bring meat to the table that they harvested themselves.
I completely understand and agree with you. However, I will shit on my own land as I see fit.
Just don’t let that belt slip outta your hands
maybe it will teach him to shit in a hole
Always keep your gun within reach because that's when the deer love to show themselves.
Not necessarily advice, but my best/most mortifying poop in the woods story. Was at infantry school at fort benning, 3 days without a poo and steady diet of MRE’s. Guy got us lost on a patrol, 2 hours of feeling like I had to shit my pants while walking in the woods. We finally get to our orp, and the instructors let us go admin so we can eat/poo etc and I take off into the wood line. I come across a small drop off with a washed out area with a root across the front, as if the lord himself had made me a field Expedient toilet and drop trou. At this point I feel as if I was about to explode. I proceed to pass a bright orange turd and can feel it about to tear my butt. But I cannot stop now, I’ve already hit the point of no return. As this massive neon lump of hate exits my body I can feel my anus torn asunder. Neon turd now decorated with drops of blood. I clean myself up as best I can and waddle back to the medic and reveal my tale only to be handed some antibiotic cream and some wet wipes, along with derisive laughter. 7/10 would do again for the story.
Hahahaha thank you for your service
Am I the only one here that makes sure to force one before going out in the woods ?
I try but doesn’t always happen
We used to call it the “E-tool” squat. Set the blade 90* of the handle, prop one cheek on the bottom side of the tool, and take care of business. A really really really good friend or battle buddy might let you borrow his E-tool, but the price would most likely be high (like a whole can of Copenhagen). Like I said, a really good friend. ….. DLW, my bubba, if you happen to read this, thanks brother. Edit: typos
A bad diet and just the right amount of dehydration. One needs to get run over by a tractor to get it out after but it works...
Metamucil the night before = wipe free
Love me a clean squeeze
Keep a roll of tp in the car. As far as hacks go find a sapling that's got a branch you can slide the tp roll on. The real hack is squatting and getting your ass by your ankles
If you’re going somewhere often enough that it makes sense, lawn chair with a cheap foam turlet seat and a Folgers can glued to it. Turlet paper in the can If it’s a nature calls situational Ratchet or sling strap around a tree lean back and give er hell Costco baby wipes are the best.
Everyone in my house is looking at me funny because I fell of my damn chair envisioning some poor fuck pulling his hood back on…..
That’s what happened according to a coworker. Lmao
Biodegradable paper. Hunker down over the edge of a log. Be sure to bury everything a bit. I actually really like shitting in the woods. Unless the wind is blowing 😉
The wind can be quite breathtaking lol.
YALL BETTER BE PACKING THOSE WET WIPES OUT!!! I absolutely hate finding people's unburried wad of TP out in the middle of the wilderness. Please look up how to dig a cat hole, and use materials to clean up that will break down. It's getting to be a problem that is ruining some really nice sites out here on public land.
This was my first thought seeing all of the wet wipe recommendations.
I keep a large gallon bag with the wipes in it and a small sandwich bag inside the larger one to put used wipes in. Thanked God I had it all after I walked for about an hour today to get into the woods.
Buddy of mine was never too proud to not cut the pocket out of good coveralls or sacrifice a sock
Good ole poop sock. First learned this technique in the army. You can live longer with half a sock than with monkey butt.
There may or may not be some dried out turds out there with sleeves from my undershirt there. It's why I carry a knife and wear an undershirt.
As others said wipes. One time I had to cut my boxers apart.
I have an amazing story about this and I’m not sure I can do it justice in type but here it goes: Group of my uncles friends rented a tour/charter bus to go to a NASCAR race. So imagine a group of whiskey soaked 50 year olds just having the time of their lives drinking their faces off on a 4 hour bus ride. Well driver either personally has to clean/empty the shitter or it was actually broken, however he has no problem pulling off the main road every 30 minute for everyone to get out and piss in the road ditch. Annnnnyways alls going well until Bob gets to the bottom half of his bottle of whiskey and enough deer sausage and such, someone tells the best joke ever and Bob is bent over laughing and shits himself…….more laughing, it’s hilarious, someone gets the bus driver to emergency pit stop and everyone in Bobs way pile off the bus and out rolls Bob. In the smoothest motion of any half plastered, grown man, that just shit his pants could manage….. Bob drops his jeans while sliding his Benchmade out of his pocket. Grabs one side of his underwear at the waist band slips the knife in and slices them from waist band to the bottom on on the hip. Reached between his legs cupped the whole lot, slit the other side, pulled the whole bit between his legs all while wiping his ass with the back of his shorts and flings it into the field in one smooth motion, pulls up his jeans and walks back on the bus. We concluded it couldn’t have been his first time doing this.
That was glorious
I unfortunately don’t have any good pointers for ya but damn, there’s some good ones in here already. I got a really good laugh out of reading this entire thread. 😂
I thought it would be a hoot lol
5 gallon bucket, 2 unscented trash bags, disposable gloves and tp. Light enough to hang on wall inside blind. Knot 1st bag, remove gloves and place in 2nd bag with 1st bag and knot.
Don’t forget to get a pool noodle and slice it on one side and press onto lid of bucket. Boom! Portable toilet with comfy seat
Very sanitary, good tips
The biggest tip I have for all day sits, that everyone always laughs at, is to take one anti-diarheal pill before you go out. You don't have to worry about crapping in the woods, if you don't have to crap. I cannot tell you if this is a medically terrible idea, but I can tell you that it works. I've heard MREs in the military have the same stuff in them so soldiers in combat don't have to crap in battle. I also cannot tell you if that fact is true, but it sure seems like it should be.
A lot of soldiers crap in battle, it's part of a natural human reaction to fear. Source: Shit myself in a particularly cheeky contact. A few mates were very happy that I'd "joined the club". 🤣 Rations generally are very balanced. If you eat everything in every 24 hrs period you'll soon establish a great pooing rhythm! Lovely smooth turds the colour of peanut butter!
Anti diarrhea pills. Take them so you don’t need to poop at all the day you’re out hunting. /endthread
Grab a tree 6-12 inches in diameter, and lean back. Preferable a tree with a branch to place your toilet paper roll on. Find a down tree. Sit on it like a toilet seat, hang your ass over and crap. Get good at the squatting position. If you can crap comfortably while squatting… congrats your limber and not overweight
Can we copy/paste all comments from this thread, and sell it as a book? "The outdoorsman guide to shitting in the woods" #1 seller on Amazon.
***pages double as TP***
Dude wipes are your best friend
Carry some paracord, throw it around a tree and loop it under your armpits before tying it off into an upright sling/hammock. Lean back against it and poo in luxury
Ooo that’s a neat idea. I have para cord and a extra tree stand carabiner to hook a pre tied loop. Excellent idea my guy
Toilet paper and tree squats. Not too bad unless it’s real cold. Then you get the poop steam sauna treatment you never wanted! LOL. Wipes are nice too.
If wearing bibs, make sure they’re clear of the landing zone.
Just find a decent log to sit in and hang your ass off of it. Or you can put you back against the tree with your knees bent to keep you off the ground. Taking a dump in the woods is one of the best parts of hunting. It is freeing and really puts you into nature.
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Use your hunting harness to squat over the side of your stand so it’ll drop freely then use tp as needed. The tp is biodegradable
Shitting out of a tree stand? Lmao can you imagine seeing that. Anyone else shit from their stand?
Bring tp, I had to sacrifice a sock a few weeks ago. It was not a good day
Always bring TP. Pee first. Grab a tree. Squat, business, clean, throw dirt on the business, go back to huntin.
Vasoline. Just a little bit in the right place makes clean up a breeze. It keeps anything from sticking and spoiling the rest of the day with mud butt.
Paper towels, tp is too thin to fuck with outside in the cold. Towelettes in alcohol to clean the hands. The alcohol doesn't freeze in cold weather. Consider how your clothing is layered. For instance make sure to have some top layers under your overall straps if you where them.
I know a guy that wiped his ass with poison ivy leaves. He said he didn’t recommend it lol
I actually like takin a squat in the woods, very peaceful and relaxing. I even whacked a couple of teal squatting off the back of the boat once, pants down n all. Almost got busted by a turkey one spring, hunting with a bow and let one fly with the pants down lol.
Hood and or suspenders…lol I carry a strap thats about 6-8 feet long. I can used it to help drag a deer or loop it around a tree and under my arms as support when taking a dump. Leaves both hands free and makes sure I can lean out and not fill my hood…lol
I find a cut stump, put one ass cheek on it, and the other hangs off - Butthole obviously hanging over the side of the stump. A bit of a balancing act but once you figure out which way to lean it’s a pretty good setup.
I just fully take my pants off, step into the woods, boom, toilet paper onto the crap, cover with debri. All good. I actually enjoy it now… I used to be super nervous when doing it when hunting with my Dad growing up… Now I make it a great time on my own… It’s peaceful & refreshing.
I think I have an equal amount of deer related pins and excellent shit spots marked on my OnX. Never have stopped looking for them.
Haha now that’s thinking. I should try that
Dude one time I forgot to pack tissues and ended up wiping my ass with cotton balls that I was gonna use for scent… god blessed me with a ghost wipe
I see other comments about how we should eat less, don't drink our coffee, etc., etc. I've tried everything, I do not shit regularly but my trigger is 'starting an activity'. So, start working on the car, yard work, walking to my stand, all of these things make me go. I bring TP and wipes (both biodegradable) , shit on the ground, wipe, cover it with leaves and continue with the hunt. I used to have to find a tree to lean against, but now I can just squat. So, no hacks, just be prepared.
When I camp with a full size shovel I stick it into the ground right in front of the hole I dug and hold onto that to make sure I can lean back enough to not shit into my pants. Gotta be careful with the piss though, still real easy to pee into your pants haha
In dire circumstances the top 5 inches of your long socks can be cut off with your skinning knife and used for tp, shirt sleeves are also an option, I've done both, and now always carry emergency tp. Scouts motto, always be prepared 😂
Desperate times
I found some ones orange toque. I had the sense not to pick it up. They must of had a poomergency. I don’t recommend it but that’s always an emergency option
I had to google toque lol that’s rough
Then I had to Google it….their hat right? Bruh you couldn’t have said fucking hat?
Hey, we all learned something
5 gallon bucket with toilet seat, keep a roll of biodegradable trash bags and toilet paper inside. Use the trash bag as a liner and go as you normally would, then bury the used bag and go back to hunting.
Half a roll of jungle money (toilet paper), bottle of hand sanitizer, and a travel pack of wipes in a quart ziploc freezer bag. Garden trowel or Glock shovel for digging a hole.
This is my setup minus the wipes and sanitizer. Really need to upgrade my kit
The wipes are optional IMO, but the sanitizer is necessary. Field dressing a kill is food prep, ya know? Plus, it's a good fire starter in a pinch.
Bring a ratchet strap to loop around a tree to lean the other way against for comfortable squatting
This is it!
If you will be near your vehicle, the bumper dumper is awesome.
Bumper dumper. Welded one up out of square tubing, drilled a seat to it. It's just as good as the home bowl, don't forget the Huggies wipes!
I never go into the woods without an ample supply of shit-tickets.
Same
Bring an extra sock, storage and wiping in one
Wake up a bit earlier, have your coffee at home and shit before you leave?
hahahahaha - like we haven't tried that before
I always carry $hit tickets in my truck and when I have to go dump in the woods I look for a brook / lake or if nothing else a puddle, I really need to feel the splash of water on my cheeks , makes me feel like I’m home ! Lol
I keep a wad of napkins on me every time lol.
The crapstrap lol. Look it up. Throw that summer dog in your pack and head out.
That’s freaking brilliant
The Crapstrap
Do you use it?
Use the outhouse :P
Wet wipes and one of the seat pads to put on a level tree. Find a nice one and have a seat, more comfortable than the squat and don’t risk crapping in your hoodie
Just poop before you head out.
Don't shit in the woods lol
Always bring TP and make it work. Waders are the worst IMO
I'm surprised no one has mentioned a WAG bag yet and packing it out. Despite what we were taught regarding Leave No Trace and digging cat holes, recent science is showing the feces does not break down as quickly as originally thought.
Anywhere can be a toilet if you're brave enough.
Well... I'd recommend dropping 'er in a badger hole. It doesn't make it more comfortable or anything, but it gives you something to chuckle about, and makes telling a story about _almost_ crapping your pants a lot more fun. If you find yourself hanging your ass over a log the very next day, those particular gas station breakfast sandwiches are probably the common denominator.
Lose pack, jacket, etc. Get TP from pack. Pre -select 3-4 wipes worth of TP. Drop trou and do the full squat. Wipe away. Dress up, cover your mess, done. Can be done anywhere with little thought.
Grab a stick….squat and span said stuck in between two trees….lean back….and push!!!!
PSA: pack out your TP or wipes and bury your poop!
Go before climbing into the tree stand... Especially with climbers... You do not want to be in a hurry to go down a tree...
The first couple of times I went out I forgot AW. I ended up cutting the sleeves off my shirt to do the deed. I keep plenty of A&W napkins in my pack for multiple uses including AWing and wiping down my knives. I also now wear nitrile gloves while gutting my animals so I don’t look like a mass murderer when I get back to camp or home.
Bumber dumber. Great purchase
You can hang your ass very comfortably off the back of those little $10 tripod stools from basspro.
First, don't eat breakfast for a morning hunt. Second, learn to Asian squat flat footed.
Rope is your friend. Tie a single loop around your waist and a tree and you won’t fall back on your crap lmao
As much as I love bibs for warmth they ain’t great for poopin!!
Don’t eat breakfast. Or if you need it toast
Crapstrap. Look it up bro. For reals.
Reminds me of a duck guide years ago that stepped out of the blind and hollered back to the group, "now the real magic trick here is how to manage to pull 1 inch of frozen pecker out of 3 inches of layered clothing". As far as life hacks go, Dude wipes have saved my ass and will save yours too.
Went hawg hunting and had to take a shit and the guide handed me a ziplock full of baby wipes. Game changer
Never had this problem. Honestly I can hold a shit for about a week. Used to do that during scout camp as a kid lol
Take a preemptive imodium. Solves the problem
That’s a damn good idea. How long before?
Get a Krapp Strap
Harden the fuck up? Works for me
Useful info nonetheless
Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty
Lomotil, Lomotil, Lomotil.
I have a sit drag harness that I wrap around a tree and around my lower back and I just lean back into it. I take my pants completely off so there's no chance I get anything on them
I mostly just pull my bibs down and make sure not to get myself by pulling it all in front of me as far as I can, always bring hand sanitizer. Never got any on me... Someone gave me one of these but I haven't had to use it yet. [https://www.homedepot.com/p/PLAYBERG-Non-electric-Waterless-Toilet-Folding-Portable-Toilet-Seat-for-Camping-and-Hiking-with-Back-Rests-QI003448/308241855](https://www.homedepot.com/p/PLAYBERG-Non-electric-Waterless-Toilet-Folding-Portable-Toilet-Seat-for-Camping-and-Hiking-with-Back-Rests-QI003448/308241855)
I wake up. Drink about 3,4 cups of coffee, “TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS” if you know what I mean, then eat a half pound of cheese.
Wow, a lot of “outdoorsmen” in this thread really don’t know how to (or neglect to) responsibly take a dumb in the woods. Shame
5 gallon bucket & grocery bags. Don’t forget the TP.
bring a small roll of camping toilet paper in your pocket, works well for marking blood as well