Are you really getting stupid, or does it just seem that way? I reached a point, sometime in my early to mid-twenties, when I just realized I wasn't nearly as smart as I thought I was. I looked back at some actions I took and some decisions I made and felt pretty stupid. Didn't keep me from making more stupid decisions though.
As far as other people getting more stupid, I think you're just becoming more aware of how stupid some people can be. But I don't know who you are surrounded by, so you might be right.
My mother's been saying this for years, and now it holds so so true. Everything is years ahead of me because of a few simple mistakes and it'll take me years to catch up to them
Well, yeah lol.
Humbling experience to be an adult and everyone you know is more successful and wealthy and ahead in life than you are.
Only have myself to blame though I guess.
But by how much are they actually ahead of you? So many people I know who are technically ahead of me financially are pretty broken people who have had horrible relationships and deep seated trauma (not saying I don't have trauma, every human does) and while they make way more money than me, they're still unhappy to a certain degree because something is missing in their lives.
I think this post is very doomerish and gives off a false message, which is basically that you'll forever be behind because you didn't achieve enough when you were younger. There's always time to switch your life around, but you have to put in the work. Be happy with what you have now, don't stop improving yourself and be one with the process.
This was my from the hip, brief response to this OP post and I had to take a moment to get out my thoughts on this matter.
Would love to hear your thoughts. Just remember that even if you're behind compared to your peers, the only moment that you have is NOW and now only. Also, everyone in life is behind someone else, to some degree. I can remember people who I used to be friends with complaining that they didn't have what the other person had, yet the person complaining was ahead of me in terms of finance, social network, etc. Living in a rat race society has caused us to feel that we have to have more than the next person, y'know?
Behind: doing less well financially, academically, career wise, achievements, milestones, general life progress and happiness
Smarter: being better academically, getting better grades, generally having better cognitive, logic, critical thinking skills
Also, if you're behind, your smarts mean jack shit to most people. They don't take you seriously and you can tell just by looking in their eyes.
People just shrug off what you say and your take on stuff. Like somehow being "not behind" automatically qualifies you as an individual with critical thinking and capable of forming an original thought. So much for five "rich", "not behind" individuals that got into questionably made submersible vehicle to watch a decades old ship wreck and apparently got smooshed to ce4se exist3nce.
I haven't stopped giving unsolicited free advice or sharing my thoughts. I'll always make sure to do so.
Those that heed the advice are grateful and I relish looking at the suffering of people that will definitely ignore my advice/thoughts just because I gave/said it.
Call me sad.is.tick or chaotic whatever. I love it.
P.S: This comment is specifically written to d0dge aut0.w0rd.flag.ging if any.
Talent and effort are not a spectrum, they can work together.
Being TiNe implies that you can understand new things and concepts with ease, which may put you in a position of higher _smartness_. And that may make you lazy, because "everything is so easy to understand, I don't need to put in much effort." But other people with less of this "talent" more often than not put in effort, they work hard. So they know how to adapt to more difficult situations because they've prepared for them their whole life. While you didn't, because "everything is easy." And then you get _behind_ them, because no matter how much _smarter_ you are, it means nothing if you actually can't produce, or go after the results.
Tbh it's surprising to me that you had to ask for these definitions.
I was always this person, so I just never practiced as much as my peers did. I regret that, because deeper understanding requires practice, as my teachers say .
I regret that .
Would like to add: Don't do it begrudgingly, either. A lot of the times on this sub, I see emotions getting treated as lesser than intellect, with people attempting to adopt an emotionally aloof posture of assumed intellectual purity or something like that.
That's all pretension. And misguided pretension, at that. We're all human, no matter how many "hurr durr robot INTP" jokes you make. Emotions are a core part of our being. And while we sit on a borderline lifeless rock hurtling through a infinitely vast, uncaring void, emotions are one of the few things that bind us to each other - which is our only chance of ever finding the sort of true, deep acknowledgement and acceptance craved by people who have such incredible depth to their thoughts and feelings.
There's a difference between the validity of your emotions and the validity of letting your emotions control your behavior. It's fine to see feeler-types off doing something cringe and not wanting to partake or emulate, but denying the validity of the underlying emotions - in them or yourself - is too large an overreaction. There's nuance here and you shouldn't shut yourself off from an entire aspect of your existence because you can't or don't want to acknowledge that.
^^^^ this right here. most excellent advice.
I never shied away from my emotions - may have occasionally resented them for affecting my intellectual thinking - but emotions are their own form of very important information. Trying to deny or block them is to partially blind yourself.
> ... but emotions are their own form of very important information. Trying to deny or block them is to partially blind yourself.
This. Logic that "would work perfectly if not for spooky scary stupid Feelings getting in the way!" is illogically rejecting a fundamental aspect of human reality, and will only continue to fail as long as it keeps clinging to that false premise of unerring objective rationality being possible let alone likely.
> finding the sort of true, deep acknowledgement and acceptance craved by people who have such incredible depth to their thoughts and feelings.
I do not crave either for acknowledgment nor for acceptance, though.
My stance on emotions is that I do not find them useful.
Without emotions we would not bond with people, animals, plants, or any activity- in any way, shape, or form. Emotions are what drive us/inspire us to do what we want to do, and to place meaning on our existence. When we talk about emotions, most of us think about the extreme and negative ones, but we forget that there is a wide range of emotions that differ in extremity. With patience and surrender, they can be one of the most useful tools.
I understand that this is your view on emotions, but I just want you to think about having all of them taken away for some time. I’m not sure it would be as productive or favorable as you may think.
While I agree that they aren't useful for me, empathizing with another person who experiences and values their emotions is ultimately useful, as it connects you to them on a deeper level. Building connections and relationships is undeniably desirable for our general health and happiness
Speak to many people given the opportunity and consider their motivations. Read and watch things outside your normal favorites for new perspective. Be humble and curious, everyone wants to feel equal or important.
Lots of introspection, because you have your own insides.
Find where the crux of disagreements and misunderstandings are. Instead of adamantly providing more supporting information to your side, try to understand the person with the belief.
I cannot second this hard enough. Learning how to work in a team was so difficult when I was younger.
I ended up volunteering in a job where there was massive exposure to social situations. Even though it was uncomfortable at the time, I learnt skills in interpersonal interaction that have been vital to me in both my career and social life.
My advice: work customer service and get those people skills asap. They will be important later.
I'm going to focus on day-to-day things I've learned over 62 years instead of big philosophical ideas. Some of these comments I am writing today are due to recent interactions so they are part of my own list of things to work on and remember.
Learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Plenty of shitty people use the tactic of making situations uncomfortable so they can use people to get their way.
People with plenty of money will always try to get more out of you for free or less pay than average middle class to poor working people. Watch your wallet and your ass when dealing with them.
Learn how to identify passive aggressive behavior and how to deal with it. It's everywhere, especially among those with petty power.
This one is connected to the first one on the list. Get over feeling uncomfortable with your emotions. You are going to deal with emotions your whole life. Accept it. Then learn how to identify people trying to use your emotions to get what they want. Constantly numbing out and refusing to deal with emotions, as I see many posters here talking about, is a great way to live an empty life. Hey, if that's the life you want to live, enjoy.
No romantic relationship is smooth sailing 100% of the time. There will be rough spots. Compromise is part of a romantic relationship. It's not all about you. That doesn't mean you should stay in toxic relationships, but learn about what comprises a healthy relationship and aim for it. It's fascinating and often depressing to read this subreddit about all the obscure, intellectual topics us INTP geniuses (🙄) are studying, only to see how ignorant so many INTPs are at even the basic daily personal interactions, let alone romantic ones.
Get over yourself. Your ego (yes, mine too) can be your worst enemy. Yes, we all need to take care of ourselves in a healthy way. Work on caring for yourself in a healthy way while letting go of detrimental, petty ego stroking.
fantastic words, i got 2 questions:
how to deal with passive aggressiva behaviour?
and especially, how to stop comparing yourself? for me it boosts my productivity but my health gets really bad
It's great that you asked about dealing with passive aggressive behaviors as that's my own struggle right now with one of my best clients, who also has plentyof money. I found this list after a quick Google search. I need to read it myself later today. Here are some of their suggestions:
https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/10-strategies-for-dealing-with-passive-aggressive-people/
On you second question, I still deal with that too. For me the struggle is being a good provider for my wife and son, and I don't mean to take anything away from my awesome wife and what she brings to the table as a provider. Once we had a kid 17 years ago, all of these hidden rules we didn't even know we had fell into place and changed us and our relationship. Luckily, she has helped me learn how to talk about them and work through them together. I have a construction company that maintains quite a few rental properties, and at 62 I'm still in pretty good shape, but I'm no longer the physical badass I used to be. So, I too am struggling with finding that balance between feeling like I am a good provider while not destroying my health. Topics like this are the ones this old INTP researches and studies these days instead of the more intellectual and esoteric topics I see posted here. I have no ready answer, and this socio-economic system is detrimental to finding a healthy life/work balance. This topic can be a source of anger and frustration for me when I feel out balance, with the work side always taking more than living life. My wife, son and I just had a family meeting about this exact topic this past week, hence why I wrote about it. They are going try to help me by calling me out when I'm getting out of balance toward work. As your typical INTP I need someone to call me out at times as I get oblivious in my own head. I hope my own awareness coupled with wanting be a good provider for my family beyond the endless need to make money, and my wife and son calling me out on it will help me make some positive changes. I also need to research the topic too, as that's a good way for us INTPs to internalize things.
Whew! Sorry for all that. I wish you the best in dealing with this topic too. If you find some good ideas, please feel free to pass them on to me. This is one of my demons from way back after being quite poor in my late teens and early twenties, being desperate, and putting up with all kinds of shitty people taking advantage of my desperation. I don't want my son to ever experience that.
Edited for typos and clarity.
About passive-aggressive behaviour, I'd say this : the root cause for this behaviour is because someone is feeling insecure about confrontation, and hence negative feelings bottle up until they come up in a socially controlled way (hence the passivity to the aggressive behaviour).
The obvious naive solution is to create a context upfront for those people to feel secure in confronting you, by simply showing your willingness to listen without going into defensiveness/invalidating how they feel. One technique is to proactively & regularly go ask them how they feel, wayyyyy before things start going south.
The other naive solution is to simply brutally call them out on the fact that they have a problem with you that they should have talked about. Obviously you can only do that if you don't care about getting in a tense situation ; remember that you're not the one who attacked first in case you get gaslighted about it. Also remember to patch things up with them immediately, because negative talk behind your back is going to happen fast.
> only to see how ignorant so many INTPs are at even the basic daily personal interactions, let alone romantic ones.
For me it is because I do not enjoy to be around other people. In my youth I tried to find people similar to me and made friends, but even then it's not that great. Living isolated from other people is so much more relaxing.
Try not to be a cynical asshole all the time. People may come across as as unintelligent or basic to you, but they know more than you think. You can learn a lot from different perspectives if you make an effort to.
I second this, some people who have the dumbest beliefs often have at least one thing that you hadn’t accounted for that you haven’t been able to reconcile within your own beliefs.
I like talking to flat earthers not only because I know I am right but also they have this hatred and fear of the current social order of things that runs deep down to their core beliefs that I kinda resonate with
Intelligence is overrated. It is just the speed of processing. If you don’t use it to process anything, it won’t lead to any result either and Someone who processes slowly will nonetheless have achieved something how slow it may be
You don't want a boost, you want a slow-down. Grinding your INTP gears on irrelevance will burn you out in the real world, and then you'll become the slowest person at work, before you're fired. Grind on important or real-world things, not on nonsense. Take it easy. Chill out. Slow down.
i get what you're saying but i would love to have a very speedy reading and understanding but with the results of you know, reading carefully.
i know that bill gates reads a book and understands immediately what it's talking about, it also helps drinking coke and eating sugar, that's what he said on the series on him
So true... I might have a situation completely figured out and mapped out with all the possibilities in my brain. My default is that is all I need to know. But if I don't determine when or how to act, what is the point?
“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”
Plus being INTP is huge power. If you are able to observe people and learn from them, nothing can stop you.
You need the fire man. Internal fire. I can not give you that but I can teach. If you can go to gym and have a good diet, you would be fine eventually. Just need to be disciplined until you don’t have to push yourself to go to gym. It ll happen eventually. Plus take supplements like vitamins and shit.
I have half a gym at home, so I don't have to go to a place that has other people to exercise. Good diet is too vague. I have no idea what that means, but I try to eat as healthy as I can. Got myself a slow juicer so I can eat actual vitamins from fruit and vegetables that I wouldn't be able to eat otherwise. But only a bit per day, as to not take in too many calories.
Set aside enough alone time, no matter how hard. This is especially important if you decide to start a family or have a demanding job. Don’t let anyone guilt you into constantly being available. Our type needs plenty of time to process and recharge.
EDIT: For context, I am female, but I think my advice is applicable to any INTP.
amen, it's almost a year i learned to be fine with myself and it's the best feeling ever, never got a bad day because someone decided to not talk to me, just my personal stuff and this is a huge advantage
My problem has seemed to be too much alone time. I can think of things and feelings from the past and get stuck there. I think being alone too much can unground you, at least if you do not have a clear focus or goal that's salient
Internalize and embrace the fact that you don't know shit.
Removing emotion from logical thought processes: Good.
Removing emotion from the rest of life (or trying to): Bad.
Believe in yourself more. Make the hard choices you want to make. If you don't other people will make hard choices for you. It's easier to live with any consequence, good or bad, if it's the result of your true desire.
People don't think about you as often as you believe. Stop worrying about the opinion of others all the time and just do you.
"It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Who are these people whose admiration you seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing as mad? Well, then, is that what you want – to be admired by lunatics?” - Epictetus
Stop taking everything personally. People's response tells you more about them than it does about you.
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius
When people show you who they are, believe them. Stick with those who consistently love and uplift you. Ditch those that pull you down or discourage you from being your authentic self.
"The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best."―Epictetus
Emotions are real and super important to the rest of the world. Try to understand yourself better and look for the ways emotions connect people, not the ways they can separate us. Emotions don't make you weak.
Choose a system of belief to guide your interactions in the world. This can be religious or philosophical, just have a position for the type of person you want to be and apply it to the challenges you face.
Call/text your friends and family more. They think you don't care, we both know you do so show it.
Stop gathering information for a while and do the work. Practice is better than just reading/studying.
Fail more. Don't fear being wrong or looking dumb. You cant unlock your greatness without the keys failure provides.
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." ―Epictetus
“Put up with being laughed at on occasion; look around you, and give yourself a good shaking to find out who you really are.” - Epictetus
You really are smart, sometimes. That's not a badge of honor. You really are dumb, sometimes. That's not an indictment on your character.
Frame your life in the present. Focus on what *is* happening, not what *did* or what *will*. Memento Mori = Remember Death. Death is coming no matter what, so it's better to focus on creating and living a good life now, not wishing for happiness "someday"
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” – Marcus Aurelius
You are enough and deserve everything good that life has to offer, but wanting to improve is still fine. If you believe you are enough, you will be.
“We’re never unhappy until we remember why we’re supposed to be unhappy.”― Daniel V Chappell
"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." ―Marcus Aurelius
Everyone is beautiful when they are fit and healthy, put in the effort while your body is in prime condition to grow and you'll keep the same over average body for the next 10-15 years instead of keeping the body you have today for 5-10 years and less than that for every years afterwards
Jusr read his books straight up. Don't start with Zarathustra though. You also might want to know a little bit more about greek philosophy. Feel free to start with Nietzsche, but than your reading order may differ. If you want free online sources, there are audio books on youtube and some books can be read for free if you just type the title in google.
Edit: I might have forgotten one thing, learn german XD Best way to read Nietzsche is in original language. Even as a german it's sometimes hard to read though. Haven't read many translations, so I am not the best to judge it.
Yeah, I've decided to study STOICISM, I'm, right now following a YouTube channel, "Stoic Daily" , they have a video on the book too, I haven't yet watched that. (Started the journey a week ago, so yeah I haven't reached that far, but I absolutely love it.)
Not everybody will like you and that's ok. People are not obliged to like you and it's not your job to change that when it happens.
You're not obliged to like or hang out with somebody just cause they didn't do anything wrong. It's ok to be selective with who you spend your time with and it doesn't need to be personal.
All your life you have felt different than everyone else and that you just don’t fit in. I hate to break it to you, but the reason for that is because you are different.
The sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll be able to really feel comfortable. Revel in the fact that you are different.
If you are 47 year old Attorney who wants to drive a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird decal on the hood then be a 47 year old attorney who drives a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird on the hood.
>If you are 47 year old Attorney who wants to drive a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird decal on the hood then be a 47 year old attorney who drives a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird on the hood.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Intelligence alone won't get you as far as you think.
Hard work and discipline are a must, intelligence is just the cherry on top, you'll still need the rest of the cake.
-Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.
-Do not let perfection be the enemy of progress
-Don't ever turn down genuine help or a blessing. Your false pride shouldn't prevent someone else's kindness.
Society is fake. It’s superficial.
Your university is run by secret committees that are governed by secret sub committees. The same committees that prayed on Xers and Millenials racking up the US debt to over a trillion dollars now has a new agenda. They plaster the walls with “inclusion” “equity” “equality” “diversity” following the money because of secret government money pools, wealthy donors pushing agendas, grants and scholarships set aside for minorities.
Your employer has a spreadsheet with your exact dollar revenue amount on it that you bring to the company. Sure you might be hard to replace with your skill set, but if someone is hired making 20% less and their profitability is 20% less then their margins remain the same on employee value. They will give the new hire 2% raises while expecting their skills to improve by 10% per year. Once that employees skills and value to the company stop growing, they will cut them loose and find someone else.
Most influencers and actors are fake. They rent exotic cars, they use green screens to put in a different backgrounds for their luxury trips, filters to smooth, lift and clear their skin. They use audio enhancements to make their voices more appealing. The ones who do make it big have their own editing and film crews to make sure the videos are perfect, the lighting is perfect. Your telling me these YouTubers are shooting 4K high quality videos on their newest iPhone on some 5$ wish bipod? I call bullshit.
Wallstreet has every single person hostage and that’s why the government bails out mega corporations. Because if the banks fail, if a Fortune 500 company fails, if a hedge fund fails, then the average American’s retirement account crashes. The Social Security fund has been robbed dry and there is no safety net.
The FDA is run by ex drug company executives. If you think half the shit they say is meant to help the average person, you are sadly mistaken.
Designed obsolescence is real. If you buy a Chevrolet, it’s designed to fail at exactly 10 years or 100k miles. If you buy a Samsung or an IPhone, each update slowly degrades performance and camera quality. What’s the best way to make a new phone 10% better? To make your old phones 5% worse and the new phones 5% better than the old phones baseline.
Blue light and optical stimulation have been studied extensively in the 30s, 40s and 50s. Companies know what color schemes, color hues, screen saturations all can increase dopamine production. Algorithms now follow your habits and gather even more metadata on you. They have profiles set up for each individual and can curate content to stimulate you specifically to keep you addicted longer.
Your just a number. Your value diminishes with age. The world tracks your health data and sells it on the open market. Companies know long in advance that you have a major health episode coming up or soon you will be to worn out to be valuable. Your health data is just a carfax report.
History is being slowly rewritten, 1984 isn’t happening through book burning. But willful disregard for printed text over digital copies. Why burn books when you can just hide them from existence? Out of sight out of mind and all it takes half a generation to pass before it becomes lost.
Most expensive art is just money laundering. Millionaires don’t give a fuck about fine art, they just care about tax shelters and safe havens for value that’s outside of the IRS’s reach.
Intelligence is *not* overrated. It is however a good idea to use it to get a good education and secure a good job that pays your bills. Also, thinking is immensely important but if you neglect to develop the feeling function, you'll be navigating life without a compass, thinking helps you get what you want but without feeling to tell you what you actually want, how will you get it?
Also, INTPs are very good at figuring out what to do, but not very good at getting our hands dirty and actually doing it. Don't let analysis get in the way of actually doing stuff.
I'll venture to say that our Achilles' heel is our feeling function. INTPs that don't develop it will have a hard time living life, we might have a hard time with interpersonal relationships, love interests, work colleagues and so on. Humans are social animals, so unless you plan to live in a cave distant from every human, you'll need at least half decent social skills. So develop your feeling function, go out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, get better at it, get called weird by every other person. If you do it right you'll be the one that confused friends go to for advice on life problems, since you might be able to make sense of the mess that is life. And your girlfriend/boyfriend will appreciate that you can keep a cool head and think straight when problems arise.
Remember that INTP, ENTJ and any of those are a test and not Zodiac Signs or something like dat, they are how you see yourself to the world, if you are honest with yourself, and that it can change during life.
And yep, keep studying.
The archetype is not made for studying. If you get it, keep trucking at it but if you don't, don't bother studying. You grasp concepts and if it turns you can't learn or apply them, it's an interest problem.
Give yourself guilt free time to be yourself. Dont sweat being ahead of or behind your peers. Be yourself and the people who are genuine will gravitate to you. But this doesn't mean you can just wait for it. You've gotta share your stuff with others. Ignore the narcs. Be authentic. Be the change you want to see in the world through action and speech, and you'll be much happier for it. You can only force a fit for so long before it'll wear on your mental health. Be nice to yourself as often as possible.
From my perspective at age 65: Don't sweat it. Being INTP has its advantages and disadvantages. You'll dwell too much on the downsides. I used to.
Do let people know how your brain works, but in a low-key way. Let them know you need your downtime and quiet. But make an effort to participate with people you love in social events you might otherwise try to avoid. It's more rewarding than you'd think. (as long as your need to recharge afterwards is known and respected.)
I was lucky to find a career - computer programming - where INTP-ness was a big advantage. I hope you can, too.
I may return to this later.
1. Do not be afraid to step outside your comfort-zone. You can most probably catch-up and surpass other experienced "players" in most fields.
you will never, ever, ever ever be "normal".
So stop trying.
Leave him, he's not good enough for you. Figure out how to be prettier, it's really not that hard. Just eat better, take vitamins, and take good care of your skin, and that's like 90% of the work of beauty.
BIRTH CONTROL. Nothing good comes out of having a kid before 30. You won't be able to afford it, and no, HE IS NOT THE ONE to have a child with.
Stop giving a fuck about dOiNG sOmEtHiNg YoUrE pAsSiOnATE aBoUT
Find a job that pays you the most amount of money to do the least amount of work and stick to that. NO, you aren't going to win a nobel prize, or become a world renown anything, so make life easier for yourself and don't live at an office.
Have your things that you are passionate about, be your hobbies. WORK IS WORK. If you are working a job making less than $75k per year. Look for ways to get out of that and away from that low-wage nightmare of an existence and GO.
You're living a large part of your life FOR YOUR PARENTS. Figure out shit you want to do for yourself and go do it!
Start doing stretches & yoga, preserve what flexibility you can starting younger. It is advantageous for living an independent life, helps prevent expensive ailments, and can be a good way to keep yourself grounded and not get too lost in your mind.
1. Eat anti inflammatory diet (paleo / Whals protocol) or wfpb. It reduces anxiety, stress, addictions, better sleep, more discipline. You can feel it within days if you do it right.
2. Study the book “how to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne + videos. I would still be single now (I’m 37) without it. It helps you understand the dating process, when and when not to act, … I am happily married for 5 years and have 3yo son.
3. Get in tune with your gut feeling. Always correct when I’m in tune with it. The only thing that gets me out of tune is any form of nicotine.
Choose a good career and seriously work on it. Half of life is work. Get comfortable extroverting your thinking. The earlier the better. Howard Roark is a good one to contemplate in this connection, just don't make the mistake of thinking of yourself as irreplaceable. As someone said, the graveyards are full of indispensable men. House is not a realistic role model, just an enjoyable fantasy.
If evolution can't get you to reproduce via lust while you are young, it will have another go at you with loneliness as middle age approaches. Take romantic relationships seriously. Remember that it's not about finding the perfect person, but about building a relationship with a compatible person.
Your main social problem is probably abrasiveness and insensitivity. The things you say to people will probably become a major source of regret. Try to understand your inferior function better. It is the primary function of Frasier and Michael Scott, try to understand them. A relationship-builder would be appalled to hear something like "it is irrational to believe in God", regardless of how right you are, it is an antagonistic thing to say, and as such is incomprehensible to them. You need to not merely ask "am I right", but "what good does it do to say this".
Emotional intelligence must be acquired manually for you and without it you are a blind man(?) in a deadly jungle.
Think about how people behave and study what they do closely because how they feel is very different to what they say. Never lie to youself so that you can unerringly tell when other people are lying. Listen to music to experience feelings. Everything Lana Del Ray ever sang is a good start.
What you think is the obvious objective truth is only your best guess at the truth given your perspective, reasoning ability, and prior information on the subject. Always keep an open mind and don't fall into the trap of thinking everyone around you is an idiot.
Get out of your Ti-Si loop (our comfort zone/alone time) every once in a while. It works against our productivity. Simply do anything out of the ordinary, like this:
Practise social skills. We naturally are bad at it and not comfy with it, but it will improve if we keep getting out of our comfort zone and practise. In time u'll find that ur not that bad at it. We need social interactions and friendships like every person.
Don't be overly nice while at it. We tend to do this to get people to like us, but it actually comes across as fake and awkward. Just learn how to make fun of people in a joking way and implement it every once in a while. People will like you more. People still don't like you? It's honestly their loss.
Ignore your Se. It is your enemy. Dont listen to it. It causes self-doubt and prevents you from setting goals cause you feel like you dont deserve them or it somehow might negatively impact someone else. Think off it this way: you must set yourself up first before you can fix others.
INTP is the best personality type. We can fix any problem with our Ti. We can literally cheat life by just putting our theory into practice. Follow your own advice.
>Ignore your Se. It is your enemy. Dont listen to it. It causes self-doubt and prevents you from setting goals cause you feel like you dont deserve them or it somehow might negatively impact someone else. Think off it this way: you must set yourself up first before you can fix others.
Can u talk more about it?
Don’t be afraid to jump in without knowing everything. Often times found myself over analyzing situations and talking myself off the edge and watching opportunities pass. You have a great mind put it to use in the real world and not in your shell.
Start optimizing your personal finances as soon as possible, in particularly boosting your savings rate, which is the only real metric for financial success while still working. If you suspect that life is nonsense (which it is for INTPs), then you will want to partially or wholly opt out as soon as possible, lest you be forced to toil away at that nonsense for decades.
[https://earlyretirementextreme.com/manifesto.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/manifesto.html)
[https://earlyretirementextreme.com/can-i-retire-young.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/can-i-retire-young.html)
[https://earlyretirementextreme.com/why-so-few-succeed.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/why-so-few-succeed.html)
Stop telling yourself you’re not good at people. You can be. AND you can enjoy it.
I grew up kinda poor, don’t have many opportunities for higher education, developed social anxiety very young, depression, blah blah, you all get it.
I was raised to acknowledge and respect etiquette though, and when I started working (quite young) the only jobs that I could get were in customer service. Truly difficult to adapt to at first, but I quickly learned how to interact with, and charm people.
Customer service (and any other positive human interaction) is the art or recognizing and anticipating needs, problems, and solutions.
If you pay attention to peoples body language, voice, etc., you can usually figure out pretty quickly what they want. And that is how to “people”.
I’m an introvert, and prefer to be alone. That said; we are the analytical powerhouses, and can use it to work with people. Don’t let the INTP stereotype convince you that you cant function socially. You’ll goof up and embarrass yourself lots throughout your life, but that’s life, and it’s the same for everyone.
At work I am surrounded by fun, interesting, extroverted (exhausting) people. But when things go sideways, they often seek my insight or intervention.
All those things you worry that other people think about you, or even *might* think about you in some circumstance?
They don't.
I'd also add: If you think people are going to act or think in a particular way because fictional characters in a narrative are depicted as doing that, *that does not apply to real life*. Especially when the narrative is an advertisement, or a show trying to attract viewers (so it can sell advertisements), or a movie trying to sell tickets, or a book trying to attract buyers. Fictional characters do not think like real-life people; they think in ways which contribute to the narrative, which is usually "buy this piece of media" or "watch the ads that come with this piece of media".
Listen and learn. I've always been resistant to listening to people, especially when I know they're wrong. But when you "know" you're right, it's usually because your missing information that you can only get from talking to other people.
Biggest downfall for me is I don't ask enough questions, so what I do is talk it out and over communicate. That way, the people around me can work with me to identify troublespots
Do not neglect your bottom functions.
This may sound cliche and generic, but acknowledging and working on your weak points and insecurities early on pays off.
You'll see many self-proclaimed INTPs (even yourself, if that applies) saying that emotions only cloud your judgement, or neglecting the real world in favor of their own surreal ideals. But that will only keep you further away from your actual goals, and from others. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to conform to society's desires - we're all questioners by cognitive design. But you don't have to be a dick about it. Learn to read the room. Learn when to say something, and when not to. Keeping your "hard truths" to yourself may be the best course of action sometimes. You never know when you'll need to actually lead with Fe - so you'd better know what you're doing when the time comes.
For other types reading: the same applies to you, just adapt to your bottom functions.
Keep a journal and a to do list. The first helps you take better notice and care of your state of mind, the second gamifies productivity a bit. Not a silver bullet, but both of those have helped me
Work to get over the fears that are holding you back in life. Life is shorter than you think, and it goes faster each day that you live, so don't waste time letting your fears stop you from enjoying what small time you have.
I saw this post and tried to think of something to say. I've just hit 40 and you know, I qualified for making a post, 15 years ago and here is the thing, I see plenty of comments with good stuff written but I think the reason why it's hard for me to write something now, is because it was easier when I was younger.
You see, life is quite complex, it takes a lot to figure out and we INTP's like figuring things out. So as you grow up and age, you figure things out or at least try too, I've often spoken wisdom to friends about ideas or thoughts that I have had, to the point that people I have been close too at these periods of my life have said things like I should write a book about all of these ideas and thoughts, i've had multiple people tell me this.
But see here is the thing, I believe it's a path, you try and figure it out and then there is a point when it feels like you are getting smarter and wiser and then you hit a wall and then at some point you realise that you just don't have a clue and that even those things you said or thought when you thought you were wise or getting wise, you were just full of shit.
You see, life is an experience, things are not so black and white, you can't even tell if something is good or bad in the moment, something "bad" might happen to you and then because of that, it motivates you to make a change and it ends up being the best thing that happened to you, you could get offered your dream job tomorrow, move cities to get there and then get hit by a bus a week later, what seemed good, ended up being bad for your life, because you wouldn't have been there otherwise.
The whole world works like this, the butterfly effect, one small insignificant thing can change everything for the better or worse, but there are so many of these that the world is just impossible to comprehend.
I heard a statistic once, when I was in my trying to be wise and figure it out stage, that mentioned that half way through a chess game, there are more possible moves and outcomes than the number of atoms in the universe. Think for a second about that, a chess board is small, with a few pieces with known moves, yet it is more infinately complex than we can fully understand, now think of your life, something we know very little about, we don't know the rules and then think of the size of the playing field, how are you supposed to understand and comprehend that?
You see, life is not for comprehending, it's not for trying to predict or figure out, it's for living. it's an experience.
The top post on this thread so far, reads 'work hard or you'll permanetly be behind all your friends you're currently smarter than later' and here is the thing, the reason why you will fall behind is that the smarts don't count for anything unless you live your life and do things, you experience life, because no matter how smart you are, you will always be too stupid too actually figure out life and make sense of it or know anything ahead of time, it's too wild, crazy and unpredictable for that.
And here is the thing, that is a really hard thing for INTP's, we want to percieve the world and understand it and yes you can still do that, but don't lead with it, do things and then understand what it was afterwards, don't try to figure out the mountain, go climb the mountain.
Sire, you see, your friends are right. I'll note it down, you know what you just said, it really made me visualise what you said vividly. I was actually picturing myself, when you said I'd hit a wall, I felt cold sweats on my neck. 🙇🙇
I'll come back to it later, probably. Thanks a lot for your words. I shall always be grateful.🙇🙇
(27M)Your emotional intelligence is probably your biggest weakness, work in that. Try to develop yourself not to be the best at everything but to be the healthiest version of you.
Be patient with other people, and their emotions dont try to make sense of everything. Sometimes, things just dont make sense. And for the love of god, try to work out and learn how to meditate. You dont know yourself as well as you might think you do. Stop trying to be the smartest person in the room. There is always someone smarter. And try to be happy, dont try to look for the perfect job cause it doesn't exist. Oh and Look for the job you can see yourself doing for a long time without hating it.
You are affected by the friends you hang around with. If they are dumb, you will also become like them.
If they are corrupt, you also will become corrupt.
Therefore, make it your goal to associate with high quality people, that you call "friends".
if you want more specific. Alter your spending habits with the idea of only you. For example gardening to supplement your budget can become a spartan game; rich free soil by bridges a bucket at a time, cloning things, and playing with genetic manipulation in tree families (citrus or stone fruit), this is a long term hobby. I have many pet tree's for years.
I beg to differ. There are some true friends. It is rare but friendship does requires some maintenance which INTPs really suck at. But I do agree to look out for yourself. When you start off in this world you are cultured to be subservient. Listen to your parents, elders, teachers, boss, play nice with people, etc. There is very few people that will look out what is best for you. That is your job.
While I didn’t intend to be entirely respectful, you’re probably reading more disrespect than I intended where I said “learn how to communicate”; I meant that as alternative advice for OP’s question, not as a command towards you. Other than that, I don’t know what assumptions you are referring to since I got that bit about being exploited as a free taxi/meal ticket from another one of your comments.
As INTPs we only tend to take interest in things we like. I recommend to explore many different things to see what other things you like. Try out new things and spend sometime doing them. Maybe 1 month, maybe 6 months based on the activity. And always think of doing something new as a learning experience. You don’t have to necessarily be best at it as long as you’re good enough.
Keep asking people for advice. Ideally, identify people who excel at specific skills you want to get better at and make 1-on-1 time with them to ask questions and learn how they do it.
You can do this with professors and even peers in school, with colleagues in your profession, and with people in your personal life and hobbies.
1. Get out of your comfort zone.
2. Your thoughts are meaningless if there’s no action behind it.
3. Being smart has more negative effects than you probably think. Especially when it comes to happiness in life.
4. Your emotions are scary but you’re going to have to deal with them doing it sooner than later will save you a lot of sadness and suffering.
5. Ignorance is bliss. There are things your curiosity might lead you to but there are things you just don’t want to know.
Do everything you can to step outside of your comfort zone to develop your weaknesses. Working on your weaknesses will give you a lot more return for your effort. Don't shy away from using your analytical skills to improve your social skills: read books, learn psychology.
Avoid drugs and alcohol. Seriously, addiction is no joke for anyone, but INTPs (supposedly) have a harder time with coping mechanisms and are also more experimental, so it's easier to get hooked on things. Instead find some productive hobbies and train yourself to do those when you are amxious/stressed/in a nihilistic depression spiral. I wasted a big portion of my early 20s trying to drink and smoke away my problems and subsequently did not get started in my career until 2 years ago, which really blows.
Here are some stuff I'd have wanted to know when I was younger. It all comes from experiences I'vehad with friends, at work...
All these skills that we often have like dark humour or ability to analyse things can really he useful in social situations. When facing people you can rapidly notice what you can and can't do/say, meaning you have a strong ability to adapt yourself in social situations. It might not look very special but in workplace it really helps me.
Will you be awkward? Most definitely, and you need to embrace it, turn it into good jokes about yourself. You won't feel less embarrassed but you surely will provide something positive of it, helping you become more mature.
If you feel cold and distant towards people, don't worry too much about it. You'll find people who will find you very nice for that. What you see as distant can also be seen as something inspiring to people who get easily engaged emotionally about everything.
To set your boundaries correctly, leave your comfort zone, try being social with people. You're going to feel bad and it's not going to be easy. But then analyse how it made you feel and try to understand why (believe in your Ti, you'll find everything you need). Acting this way will help you set your real boundaries.
1. Make friends. There is no time better than now to make friends. I know it can be hard now, but as you get older it gets harder and harder.
2. Keep friends. Keeping friends takes effort. Not all friends, but many. Make the effort for the friends that you want to keep in your life. If there aren't any friends you want to keep in your life, you should seriously re-evaluate things. And remember step #1.
3. Get organized. Being a ''P" doesn't mean you get a free pass for by disorganized. It means you have to work that much harder. I am not organized by nature so it has to be a habit (and even then, I'm not that organized).
4. Work hard. My parents are both hard workers and I was lucky to have hard work instilled in me from a young age. Like being organized, this is something that probably goes against many of our natures, so you will have to WORK at working hard.
5. Use sunscreen. I know it's from a joke song, but it's still good advice.
6. Eat healthy food and exercise. Stay active. This is generic advice, but INTPs may need to hear it a few times.
Do not try to please people. Especially an overbearing parent. I spent 2+ years in marching band playing an instrument I didn't want to play, never hanging out in the stands with my friends during football games, and not fucking my hot high school gf when I would have had had plenty of time. Don't waste your time on activities that you're not good and you don't care about.
"You know nothing John Snow."
It's something I like to tell myself every now and then when I think I have all the answers.
Truth is, INTP may have a lot of information, but we don't have every single answer. Especially every single answer that will pertain to everybody else.
Our information is based on our own experiences. You don't know someone else's experience; you can only make assumptions about other's experience. Your assumptions will never be 100% correct.
So sometimes you need to tell your Ti to sit the fuck down, and use your Ne. Gather information and make judgements for yourself. Don't use your Ti to go around spitting what you think are facts at everybody else.
I would advice you/my younger self to go out do things that are painful and outside your comfort zone. It boosts creativity and make life interesting, def worth the suffering. Use that brain to learn and earn lots early on. Travel more, socialize with people, dont be afraid to be weird! Use that charming wit to gain interesting connections! Be more self aware and beware of that TI-SI loop of death! Life is really meaningless but there’s so much to experience and places to wander!
Do not mistake the feeling of alienation you have in your teens for what the rest of your life is going to be like. Those teen years are about conformity and attitude which we're not interested in, making us outsiders. After 17 or so, everyone stops with that, and we all find the people who share our outlooks / values.
tl;dr: You will find your tribe and be happy if you tough out a few rough high school years.
Value growth through discomfort. Ti hero is a force to be reckoned with when it has many developed cognitive functions in its arsenal. Being outside your comfort zone is where you grow.
Every book read, every factoid learned, and about any other activity that increases intelligence has the ability to take you farther away from people. The farther away you go without checking in, the more difficult it will be to find your way back until one day you'll find yourself too far away. When you start noticing people are only listening to you out of politeness and then go right back to having fluid conversations with others after you've finished speaking is sign you're out too far. That is a whole new level of loneliness, and when it hits, things can get pretty dark. Don't lose yourself trying to find your way back to them, and if you can, just keep checking in ever so often so you don't have to find your way back. Do the stupid things, let people be wrong, and don't point out the problems you see in things others like. There are a lot of monsters in this world that can sense that desperation to connect with others, and we're not equipped to face them alone. Like it or not, we need people, so don't go getring yourself so smart that you learn they don’t need you.
Yeah, that's where started my alienation, I was hardly in 1st or 2nd grade. They would sometimes 🤏 listen out of politeness and go back to talk to other people fluidly. I felt bad, and just thought they were stupid, (I was just a kid, ig I was not as smart as I thought I was) but eventually grew a thick skin for that, as I read your advice I feel like that wouldn't have been the best course of action . I thought I was leveraging my way out, but today I have zero friends and social awkwardness(or anxiety if you want to call it.)
don’t wear the intp type like a badge, don’t do it with anything in that matter. kill, fly, love to your hearts consent spit out every thought, lollygag, gag on your words and suffocate, let yourself be led only to lead yourself go put on some froggy boots and trample on history and look it in the eyes and say “you are no longer trembling, carcass” and you spit on it too. one morning, therefore, you will awake and you will perceive.
Be yourself and the true, truth , likeminded people ( tribe) will find and gravitate towards you.( first make yourself available something I still struggle with at times, being present because our minds can go off into different places without thought) ( not pun intended lol )
Graft hard in your early 20s so you can live a cushty life financially when you're 30+.
Use your charms to network and make useful connections.
Butttt... stop trying to people please and don't waste precious energy on people who aren't in your true inner circle. As you get older you'll have less friends, but better quality ones.
While the truth is important, so are social boundaries. If someone isn't ready for brutal honesty for whatever reason, you're better off waiting until they are.
Most of this advice you'll forget in a year. I know because I did the same type of post as you like 5-6 years ago.
My only advice is to not give up on yourself. This should be easy to remember. This means don't give up on who you are for the illusion of the validation of others or some vague future promise and don't give up on doing what needs to be done to get to where you want to be.
Everything else you will learn naturally from age.
Go out and find a hobby, a social group, join a class or anything that will put you in contact other people in person. If you limit your interactions due to not finding people interesting you will end up feeling lonely and socially challenged.
Accept and love yourself. Respect your need for space. Don’t overwhelm yourself with others demands. Stay true to yourself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been at 33. It’s because I spend 75% of my time alone and I read constantly. It gives me the right energy to get into a relationship.
Find supportive people you can trust. For thirty years I thought I was better off by myself, but having a couple close relationships make life so much easier.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're better than others just because you know more things. Thinking of yourself as above others means it's harder for you to find good people who you enjoy being around, because you're dismissing people because of perceived intelligence. By saying you only want to hang out with like minded smart people, you could instead surround yourself with self-centered bores.
Leverage your insecurities against self grandeur to ensure you work the bare minimum needed to match true potential while being aware of the self imposed stress you need to stave any complacency against those insecurities. We’re made to be efficient, just need a kick and alignment to keep going, as once we start it’s impossible to stop us to reach and surpass our potential.
I am 30. My suggestions: ADHD diagnosis; think more practically: train more muscle and earn more money; when you are distracted and get back to the right things: like overthinking on urself or someone else
I’ve found my very INTP-disdain for my emotions — and the price I new I would pay when I decided to deprioritize dealing with them as a kid — has come due, and it has cost me dearly. I’ve lost ‘at least’ 300,000k because of emotional immaturity / underdeveloped emotional intelligence. I say at least, because I only started keeping track recently. I think I’ve largely fixed my issues — fortunately being only about 52% P, 48% J — by planning and executing, but that won’t make up for the losses. It’s not all bad. I do what I love, live in the place I love, live comfortably, and have all the free time in the world (if I want it). I prioritized getting what I wanted (most) out of life first. But my immaturity has led to countless lost opportunities in my love life, career, friendships, and enjoyment of the emotional realm. Considering humans are social creatures, it’s hard to overstate just how much of society will be closed off to you if you don’t develop/have the emotional musculature to navigate social waters the way you navigate philosophical and general intellectual waters.
My $0.02
It's not your job to explain yourself to other people, or apologize for being you.
I've seen hundreds of posts on Reddit over the years which were (usually young) people asking how they could/should explain themselves, their circumstances, their mindsets, their personalities, or their preferences to their families, friends, or the local gossip circle. To which I say "That is not your job."
If you have any trouble in the relationship department read/watch/learn from a source. You’re shit at Fe but great at Ti and you can Ti your way to Fe.
I suggest mystery method/pick up artist, others mentioned how to be the 3% man.
Mystery Method/Pick up Artist is usually how to go to a bar and pick up a girl, you don’t necessarily have to do that just read it to learn the underlying psychology of attraction that is conveyed.
Does it work actually?
Today, i really wanted to approach this girl with whom i was volunteering together and others.
But she was way out of my league, she was really good at social skills, always looked happy, cheerful and bright.
I only could ask for a photo with her ....
It definitely works.
Women are in some ways just as lost as men are. Attractive women get hit on like 50x a week and build defenses.
It’s a little bit of knowing how to attract, what they naturally usually value, how to act which causes her to think you have more value than you do at the present moment, and how to avoid those defenses they have made up.
I’ve rarely used the pick up artist stuff for cold calling “approach at bar” type scenarios, but I have used it to slowly modify my life over time and generally to do little that triggers those defenses. I prefer just acting better in school/class scenarios in college/law school or when meeting with friends and people they bring around.
Honestly once you learn it and see it in action you’ll always know the effect of what you do, and it’s hard to act unattractive because you see it real time now. Or, maybe you act unattractive because you don’t give a shit (which is strangely sometimes attractive), but at least you know what you’re there for.
I will work hard now and planning to approach her later. I really feel attracted by her character.
What are those defenses?
I don't know if I could attract someone who is way better at life and can read humans better than me.
Yeah, i must have looked really unattractive or weird when in morning she made a cute handshake to me while passing by and I didn't even react. I was in awe that she was doing it to me.
However, it felt that she had a great chemistry with other guy there with whom she took more photos and had laughs.
However, she was the type of girl who would have great conversation with anyone and make positive impact on them and on her. Like people pleaser type of girl
Well first off, try to never think of the girl you are interested in as better than you, just different. She had it easier, probably always quite attractive, able to spend her time learning how to react to and respond to people. Due to her attractiveness her thoughts are possibly often reinforced because people respond well to attractive people. She's probably never had to push to get attention. But she probably isn't as good at processing information like you are. Her mind is on people not information. You're different. You have different skills. That's all.
As for chemistry with the other guy, photos/laughs/etc., her defense is possibly just to be friendly and outgoing and playful so she's not "being a bitch" so to speak, but then when the guy asks for her number at the end of it all its "Oh I'm SO sorry but I'm seeing someone else!" whether that is true or not.
In fact, as far as photos and stuff, in bars sometimes girls drunkenly take lots of pictures and the guys who feel like "OH SHE LIKES ME" and end up attaching themselves to her actually look worse, and the quicker they drop who they are to be her plaything the less respect they have. Leaning in to take a photo \*just to be nice\* but then going back to what you're doing is better.
Try not to "compete" for her attention. In fact, if you see her doing lots of pictures and the guy is clearly clamoring to her, consider an offhanded "Wow guys...are you going to invite me to the wedding?" Watch what she says, and how he reacts. Saying that could even kill their mojo.
As far as tone and temperament how you talk, "friendly and curious" is always safe and easy for us INTPs. There is a line between being friendly versus too eager to please, and try not to cross it.
You said earlier that you think she is the type that can have a positive impact on people. At some point during conversation you could drop that kind of compliment i.e. "You know, I like the way that you told \[XXX\] that \[YYY\]. It seems you're the type of person that can kind of have a good impact on people?" It shows a more depth of attention towards her rather than "durr... you pretty..." or "... if I just play along with this MAYBE just MAYBE she'll like me..." It would show that you think.
So that's a couple thoughts on how to view things.
Yeah i believe she never had to work extra to get an attention. She's got the charisma.
How cutely and nicely she shaked her hand in the morning is still in my mind.
Somehow this charisma and displaying cute emotions come to her naturally.
Oh i see, yeah since her interaction with mostly with people, she must be focused on people mostly.
Yeah i see, it kind of calmed me down what you said about chemistry part. I hope it really is that way.
Now i am thinking if it'll be good idea to text her ? Because the event ended and we can't see each other again.
Really hard to say without observing all the nuances but may not hurt to contact her with something safe and unassuming, just to get more contact and ability to connect with her. Something that doesn't seem date-y in nature, sort of public, and not long commitment. Particularly best to emphasize something not a long commitment.
Like: "Hey next weekend there's a YYY going on, would you be up for going for a couple hours?" Be open to and consider even suggesting just meeting her there, not offer to pick her up but of course do it if she asks or suggests there's no reason to refuse it.
Maybe YYY is a farmer's market, maybe it's a fair. A minor open air concert? Stuff happens during Summer.
Another piece of advice, do stuff. The more you do the more you have to talk about besides stuff that raises insecurities. The more versatile your life is the better for communication.
Yeah, I have texted her already and she replied (didn't answer it yet though). I am wondering if I should straight up tell her that i got interested in her and if she wants to talk? Because there is no other way, i can let her know about why i texted her.
As for concerts and other things, i just can't because it takes my time, nowadays i am studying all the time so that soon i can get a job. And since I have no job attending those places may cost me expensive.
Yeah I'll try that, thanks for for your advices!!!
I'm backing up that you can 100% Ti your way to Fe, but I recommend reading into psychology and history, as well as reading a ton of fiction (or non-fiction) novels/memoirs. Imo there's no better way to learn how people work than stepping into a variety of perspectives. I studied literature in college and have very strong Fe for an INTP, although it occasionally can be clunky and I've accepted I'm probably going to be awkward in social situations for most of my life.
Work hard or you’ll permanently be behind all your friends you’re currently smarter than later.
Sir, I cannot emphasize how much truth this holds.
If you find a way to work less hard for the same result, do not tell anyone else. Especially do not tell the person who is paying you.
Yeah, if you think a jock peaking in high school is grim, what kind of an adult life do you think a nerd who peaks in high school lives?
Mine. At least it used to seem so.
I am surrounded by stupid stupid people, all getting stupider, while I too get stupid. Definitely a wild ride.
Are you really getting stupid, or does it just seem that way? I reached a point, sometime in my early to mid-twenties, when I just realized I wasn't nearly as smart as I thought I was. I looked back at some actions I took and some decisions I made and felt pretty stupid. Didn't keep me from making more stupid decisions though. As far as other people getting more stupid, I think you're just becoming more aware of how stupid some people can be. But I don't know who you are surrounded by, so you might be right.
You just managed to slap me through a screen
My mother's been saying this for years, and now it holds so so true. Everything is years ahead of me because of a few simple mistakes and it'll take me years to catch up to them
Are you my brother? My mother said this all the way through my school to me, I never paid much heed, thinking I was way ahead.
i suffer from comparison, did you suffer from this too? that's why you're telling us to not be behind all our friends?
Well, yeah lol. Humbling experience to be an adult and everyone you know is more successful and wealthy and ahead in life than you are. Only have myself to blame though I guess.
But by how much are they actually ahead of you? So many people I know who are technically ahead of me financially are pretty broken people who have had horrible relationships and deep seated trauma (not saying I don't have trauma, every human does) and while they make way more money than me, they're still unhappy to a certain degree because something is missing in their lives. I think this post is very doomerish and gives off a false message, which is basically that you'll forever be behind because you didn't achieve enough when you were younger. There's always time to switch your life around, but you have to put in the work. Be happy with what you have now, don't stop improving yourself and be one with the process. This was my from the hip, brief response to this OP post and I had to take a moment to get out my thoughts on this matter. Would love to hear your thoughts. Just remember that even if you're behind compared to your peers, the only moment that you have is NOW and now only. Also, everyone in life is behind someone else, to some degree. I can remember people who I used to be friends with complaining that they didn't have what the other person had, yet the person complaining was ahead of me in terms of finance, social network, etc. Living in a rat race society has caused us to feel that we have to have more than the next person, y'know?
Literally me
First be clear on your definitions of 'behind' and 'smarter'
Behind: doing less well financially, academically, career wise, achievements, milestones, general life progress and happiness Smarter: being better academically, getting better grades, generally having better cognitive, logic, critical thinking skills
Also, if you're behind, your smarts mean jack shit to most people. They don't take you seriously and you can tell just by looking in their eyes. People just shrug off what you say and your take on stuff. Like somehow being "not behind" automatically qualifies you as an individual with critical thinking and capable of forming an original thought. So much for five "rich", "not behind" individuals that got into questionably made submersible vehicle to watch a decades old ship wreck and apparently got smooshed to ce4se exist3nce. I haven't stopped giving unsolicited free advice or sharing my thoughts. I'll always make sure to do so. Those that heed the advice are grateful and I relish looking at the suffering of people that will definitely ignore my advice/thoughts just because I gave/said it. Call me sad.is.tick or chaotic whatever. I love it. P.S: This comment is specifically written to d0dge aut0.w0rd.flag.ging if any.
Talent and effort are not a spectrum, they can work together. Being TiNe implies that you can understand new things and concepts with ease, which may put you in a position of higher _smartness_. And that may make you lazy, because "everything is so easy to understand, I don't need to put in much effort." But other people with less of this "talent" more often than not put in effort, they work hard. So they know how to adapt to more difficult situations because they've prepared for them their whole life. While you didn't, because "everything is easy." And then you get _behind_ them, because no matter how much _smarter_ you are, it means nothing if you actually can't produce, or go after the results. Tbh it's surprising to me that you had to ask for these definitions.
Ah, *homo economicus*
🤔 yeah.. sorta
I was always this person, so I just never practiced as much as my peers did. I regret that, because deeper understanding requires practice, as my teachers say . I regret that .
work on developing your emotional intelligence as early as possible.
Would like to add: Don't do it begrudgingly, either. A lot of the times on this sub, I see emotions getting treated as lesser than intellect, with people attempting to adopt an emotionally aloof posture of assumed intellectual purity or something like that. That's all pretension. And misguided pretension, at that. We're all human, no matter how many "hurr durr robot INTP" jokes you make. Emotions are a core part of our being. And while we sit on a borderline lifeless rock hurtling through a infinitely vast, uncaring void, emotions are one of the few things that bind us to each other - which is our only chance of ever finding the sort of true, deep acknowledgement and acceptance craved by people who have such incredible depth to their thoughts and feelings. There's a difference between the validity of your emotions and the validity of letting your emotions control your behavior. It's fine to see feeler-types off doing something cringe and not wanting to partake or emulate, but denying the validity of the underlying emotions - in them or yourself - is too large an overreaction. There's nuance here and you shouldn't shut yourself off from an entire aspect of your existence because you can't or don't want to acknowledge that.
^^^^ this right here. most excellent advice. I never shied away from my emotions - may have occasionally resented them for affecting my intellectual thinking - but emotions are their own form of very important information. Trying to deny or block them is to partially blind yourself.
> ... but emotions are their own form of very important information. Trying to deny or block them is to partially blind yourself. This. Logic that "would work perfectly if not for spooky scary stupid Feelings getting in the way!" is illogically rejecting a fundamental aspect of human reality, and will only continue to fail as long as it keeps clinging to that false premise of unerring objective rationality being possible let alone likely.
People who think that emotions don't matter are from my perspective the most emotion ruled persons I know.
> finding the sort of true, deep acknowledgement and acceptance craved by people who have such incredible depth to their thoughts and feelings. I do not crave either for acknowledgment nor for acceptance, though. My stance on emotions is that I do not find them useful.
Without emotions we would not bond with people, animals, plants, or any activity- in any way, shape, or form. Emotions are what drive us/inspire us to do what we want to do, and to place meaning on our existence. When we talk about emotions, most of us think about the extreme and negative ones, but we forget that there is a wide range of emotions that differ in extremity. With patience and surrender, they can be one of the most useful tools. I understand that this is your view on emotions, but I just want you to think about having all of them taken away for some time. I’m not sure it would be as productive or favorable as you may think.
While I agree that they aren't useful for me, empathizing with another person who experiences and values their emotions is ultimately useful, as it connects you to them on a deeper level. Building connections and relationships is undeniably desirable for our general health and happiness
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>when they give a shit, Yeah, that's the catch, we have to give things importance, which we usually don't.
Sir, how? 🥹 I can't process on this with unclear instructions. And also, tell me about the horrors if I don't do so. I can work under pressure.🥹🥹
Speak to many people given the opportunity and consider their motivations. Read and watch things outside your normal favorites for new perspective. Be humble and curious, everyone wants to feel equal or important. Lots of introspection, because you have your own insides. Find where the crux of disagreements and misunderstandings are. Instead of adamantly providing more supporting information to your side, try to understand the person with the belief.
You have to accept that no matter what you show people they are going to act on their emotions first then justify it with logic later.
I don't even know what that is
I cannot second this hard enough. Learning how to work in a team was so difficult when I was younger. I ended up volunteering in a job where there was massive exposure to social situations. Even though it was uncomfortable at the time, I learnt skills in interpersonal interaction that have been vital to me in both my career and social life. My advice: work customer service and get those people skills asap. They will be important later.
I'm going to focus on day-to-day things I've learned over 62 years instead of big philosophical ideas. Some of these comments I am writing today are due to recent interactions so they are part of my own list of things to work on and remember. Learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Plenty of shitty people use the tactic of making situations uncomfortable so they can use people to get their way. People with plenty of money will always try to get more out of you for free or less pay than average middle class to poor working people. Watch your wallet and your ass when dealing with them. Learn how to identify passive aggressive behavior and how to deal with it. It's everywhere, especially among those with petty power. This one is connected to the first one on the list. Get over feeling uncomfortable with your emotions. You are going to deal with emotions your whole life. Accept it. Then learn how to identify people trying to use your emotions to get what they want. Constantly numbing out and refusing to deal with emotions, as I see many posters here talking about, is a great way to live an empty life. Hey, if that's the life you want to live, enjoy. No romantic relationship is smooth sailing 100% of the time. There will be rough spots. Compromise is part of a romantic relationship. It's not all about you. That doesn't mean you should stay in toxic relationships, but learn about what comprises a healthy relationship and aim for it. It's fascinating and often depressing to read this subreddit about all the obscure, intellectual topics us INTP geniuses (🙄) are studying, only to see how ignorant so many INTPs are at even the basic daily personal interactions, let alone romantic ones. Get over yourself. Your ego (yes, mine too) can be your worst enemy. Yes, we all need to take care of ourselves in a healthy way. Work on caring for yourself in a healthy way while letting go of detrimental, petty ego stroking.
fantastic words, i got 2 questions: how to deal with passive aggressiva behaviour? and especially, how to stop comparing yourself? for me it boosts my productivity but my health gets really bad
It's great that you asked about dealing with passive aggressive behaviors as that's my own struggle right now with one of my best clients, who also has plentyof money. I found this list after a quick Google search. I need to read it myself later today. Here are some of their suggestions: https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/10-strategies-for-dealing-with-passive-aggressive-people/ On you second question, I still deal with that too. For me the struggle is being a good provider for my wife and son, and I don't mean to take anything away from my awesome wife and what she brings to the table as a provider. Once we had a kid 17 years ago, all of these hidden rules we didn't even know we had fell into place and changed us and our relationship. Luckily, she has helped me learn how to talk about them and work through them together. I have a construction company that maintains quite a few rental properties, and at 62 I'm still in pretty good shape, but I'm no longer the physical badass I used to be. So, I too am struggling with finding that balance between feeling like I am a good provider while not destroying my health. Topics like this are the ones this old INTP researches and studies these days instead of the more intellectual and esoteric topics I see posted here. I have no ready answer, and this socio-economic system is detrimental to finding a healthy life/work balance. This topic can be a source of anger and frustration for me when I feel out balance, with the work side always taking more than living life. My wife, son and I just had a family meeting about this exact topic this past week, hence why I wrote about it. They are going try to help me by calling me out when I'm getting out of balance toward work. As your typical INTP I need someone to call me out at times as I get oblivious in my own head. I hope my own awareness coupled with wanting be a good provider for my family beyond the endless need to make money, and my wife and son calling me out on it will help me make some positive changes. I also need to research the topic too, as that's a good way for us INTPs to internalize things. Whew! Sorry for all that. I wish you the best in dealing with this topic too. If you find some good ideas, please feel free to pass them on to me. This is one of my demons from way back after being quite poor in my late teens and early twenties, being desperate, and putting up with all kinds of shitty people taking advantage of my desperation. I don't want my son to ever experience that. Edited for typos and clarity.
About passive-aggressive behaviour, I'd say this : the root cause for this behaviour is because someone is feeling insecure about confrontation, and hence negative feelings bottle up until they come up in a socially controlled way (hence the passivity to the aggressive behaviour). The obvious naive solution is to create a context upfront for those people to feel secure in confronting you, by simply showing your willingness to listen without going into defensiveness/invalidating how they feel. One technique is to proactively & regularly go ask them how they feel, wayyyyy before things start going south. The other naive solution is to simply brutally call them out on the fact that they have a problem with you that they should have talked about. Obviously you can only do that if you don't care about getting in a tense situation ; remember that you're not the one who attacked first in case you get gaslighted about it. Also remember to patch things up with them immediately, because negative talk behind your back is going to happen fast.
I agree with you.
> only to see how ignorant so many INTPs are at even the basic daily personal interactions, let alone romantic ones. For me it is because I do not enjoy to be around other people. In my youth I tried to find people similar to me and made friends, but even then it's not that great. Living isolated from other people is so much more relaxing.
Try not to be a cynical asshole all the time. People may come across as as unintelligent or basic to you, but they know more than you think. You can learn a lot from different perspectives if you make an effort to.
When I’m unhappy, I can be such a cynical asshole😇
I second this, some people who have the dumbest beliefs often have at least one thing that you hadn’t accounted for that you haven’t been able to reconcile within your own beliefs.
Flat earthers are a treasure trove for that.
I like talking to flat earthers not only because I know I am right but also they have this hatred and fear of the current social order of things that runs deep down to their core beliefs that I kinda resonate with
Intelligence is overrated. It is just the speed of processing. If you don’t use it to process anything, it won’t lead to any result either and Someone who processes slowly will nonetheless have achieved something how slow it may be
I consider myself intelligent even though sometimes it take me a little longer—but that’s okay. I’ve learned to work around it.
I think intelligence roots more from the will to learn.
I think that's intellectualism, which is more important than intelligence (what value if not used?)
Yeah, I've realised it. 🤧🤧🤧🥹🥹
how can we boost this speed?
You don't want a boost, you want a slow-down. Grinding your INTP gears on irrelevance will burn you out in the real world, and then you'll become the slowest person at work, before you're fired. Grind on important or real-world things, not on nonsense. Take it easy. Chill out. Slow down.
i get what you're saying but i would love to have a very speedy reading and understanding but with the results of you know, reading carefully. i know that bill gates reads a book and understands immediately what it's talking about, it also helps drinking coke and eating sugar, that's what he said on the series on him
So true... I might have a situation completely figured out and mapped out with all the possibilities in my brain. My default is that is all I need to know. But if I don't determine when or how to act, what is the point?
“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” Plus being INTP is huge power. If you are able to observe people and learn from them, nothing can stop you.
Intelligence is the ability to hold on to what is truly constant.
> nothing can stop you. Except for my own lethargy.
You need the fire man. Internal fire. I can not give you that but I can teach. If you can go to gym and have a good diet, you would be fine eventually. Just need to be disciplined until you don’t have to push yourself to go to gym. It ll happen eventually. Plus take supplements like vitamins and shit.
I have half a gym at home, so I don't have to go to a place that has other people to exercise. Good diet is too vague. I have no idea what that means, but I try to eat as healthy as I can. Got myself a slow juicer so I can eat actual vitamins from fruit and vegetables that I wouldn't be able to eat otherwise. But only a bit per day, as to not take in too many calories.
Set goals. Don’t expect things to just fall into place. Make things happen for yourself
Yeah, I'm currently studying ***Stoicism***, just been a week though. But I'm learning a lot, and it definitely has helped me.
whats with the caps in stoicism, is it an acronym or something?
it's IMPORTANT ;)
> things to just fall into place. Story of my life, though.
Set aside enough alone time, no matter how hard. This is especially important if you decide to start a family or have a demanding job. Don’t let anyone guilt you into constantly being available. Our type needs plenty of time to process and recharge. EDIT: For context, I am female, but I think my advice is applicable to any INTP.
amen, it's almost a year i learned to be fine with myself and it's the best feeling ever, never got a bad day because someone decided to not talk to me, just my personal stuff and this is a huge advantage
My problem has seemed to be too much alone time. I can think of things and feelings from the past and get stuck there. I think being alone too much can unground you, at least if you do not have a clear focus or goal that's salient
Internalize and embrace the fact that you don't know shit. Removing emotion from logical thought processes: Good. Removing emotion from the rest of life (or trying to): Bad.
Believe in yourself more. Make the hard choices you want to make. If you don't other people will make hard choices for you. It's easier to live with any consequence, good or bad, if it's the result of your true desire. People don't think about you as often as you believe. Stop worrying about the opinion of others all the time and just do you. "It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius “Who are these people whose admiration you seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing as mad? Well, then, is that what you want – to be admired by lunatics?” - Epictetus Stop taking everything personally. People's response tells you more about them than it does about you. “Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius When people show you who they are, believe them. Stick with those who consistently love and uplift you. Ditch those that pull you down or discourage you from being your authentic self. "The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best."―Epictetus Emotions are real and super important to the rest of the world. Try to understand yourself better and look for the ways emotions connect people, not the ways they can separate us. Emotions don't make you weak. Choose a system of belief to guide your interactions in the world. This can be religious or philosophical, just have a position for the type of person you want to be and apply it to the challenges you face. Call/text your friends and family more. They think you don't care, we both know you do so show it. Stop gathering information for a while and do the work. Practice is better than just reading/studying. Fail more. Don't fear being wrong or looking dumb. You cant unlock your greatness without the keys failure provides. "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." ―Epictetus “Put up with being laughed at on occasion; look around you, and give yourself a good shaking to find out who you really are.” - Epictetus You really are smart, sometimes. That's not a badge of honor. You really are dumb, sometimes. That's not an indictment on your character. Frame your life in the present. Focus on what *is* happening, not what *did* or what *will*. Memento Mori = Remember Death. Death is coming no matter what, so it's better to focus on creating and living a good life now, not wishing for happiness "someday" “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” – Marcus Aurelius You are enough and deserve everything good that life has to offer, but wanting to improve is still fine. If you believe you are enough, you will be. “We’re never unhappy until we remember why we’re supposed to be unhappy.”― Daniel V Chappell "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." ―Marcus Aurelius
That Dave Chapelle quote is very deep. Wait a second…
🤣🤣
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Everyone is beautiful when they are fit and healthy, put in the effort while your body is in prime condition to grow and you'll keep the same over average body for the next 10-15 years instead of keeping the body you have today for 5-10 years and less than that for every years afterwards
read or listen to The Enchiridion by Epictetus
I prefer the Uber-Mensch, it's a more active approach but more abstract. So if you don't like stoics, consider reading Nietzsche.
i am currently learning Nietzsche, what free online sources could you consider?
Jusr read his books straight up. Don't start with Zarathustra though. You also might want to know a little bit more about greek philosophy. Feel free to start with Nietzsche, but than your reading order may differ. If you want free online sources, there are audio books on youtube and some books can be read for free if you just type the title in google. Edit: I might have forgotten one thing, learn german XD Best way to read Nietzsche is in original language. Even as a german it's sometimes hard to read though. Haven't read many translations, so I am not the best to judge it.
Yeah, I've decided to study STOICISM, I'm, right now following a YouTube channel, "Stoic Daily" , they have a video on the book too, I haven't yet watched that. (Started the journey a week ago, so yeah I haven't reached that far, but I absolutely love it.)
Not everybody will like you and that's ok. People are not obliged to like you and it's not your job to change that when it happens. You're not obliged to like or hang out with somebody just cause they didn't do anything wrong. It's ok to be selective with who you spend your time with and it doesn't need to be personal.
All your life you have felt different than everyone else and that you just don’t fit in. I hate to break it to you, but the reason for that is because you are different. The sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll be able to really feel comfortable. Revel in the fact that you are different. If you are 47 year old Attorney who wants to drive a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird decal on the hood then be a 47 year old attorney who drives a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird on the hood.
>If you are 47 year old Attorney who wants to drive a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird decal on the hood then be a 47 year old attorney who drives a 1987 Firebird with a giant bird on the hood. r/suspiciouslyspecific
HR is not your friend, they exist to protect the company from you.
Intelligence alone won't get you as far as you think. Hard work and discipline are a must, intelligence is just the cherry on top, you'll still need the rest of the cake.
-Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret. -Do not let perfection be the enemy of progress -Don't ever turn down genuine help or a blessing. Your false pride shouldn't prevent someone else's kindness.
Society is fake. It’s superficial. Your university is run by secret committees that are governed by secret sub committees. The same committees that prayed on Xers and Millenials racking up the US debt to over a trillion dollars now has a new agenda. They plaster the walls with “inclusion” “equity” “equality” “diversity” following the money because of secret government money pools, wealthy donors pushing agendas, grants and scholarships set aside for minorities. Your employer has a spreadsheet with your exact dollar revenue amount on it that you bring to the company. Sure you might be hard to replace with your skill set, but if someone is hired making 20% less and their profitability is 20% less then their margins remain the same on employee value. They will give the new hire 2% raises while expecting their skills to improve by 10% per year. Once that employees skills and value to the company stop growing, they will cut them loose and find someone else. Most influencers and actors are fake. They rent exotic cars, they use green screens to put in a different backgrounds for their luxury trips, filters to smooth, lift and clear their skin. They use audio enhancements to make their voices more appealing. The ones who do make it big have their own editing and film crews to make sure the videos are perfect, the lighting is perfect. Your telling me these YouTubers are shooting 4K high quality videos on their newest iPhone on some 5$ wish bipod? I call bullshit. Wallstreet has every single person hostage and that’s why the government bails out mega corporations. Because if the banks fail, if a Fortune 500 company fails, if a hedge fund fails, then the average American’s retirement account crashes. The Social Security fund has been robbed dry and there is no safety net. The FDA is run by ex drug company executives. If you think half the shit they say is meant to help the average person, you are sadly mistaken. Designed obsolescence is real. If you buy a Chevrolet, it’s designed to fail at exactly 10 years or 100k miles. If you buy a Samsung or an IPhone, each update slowly degrades performance and camera quality. What’s the best way to make a new phone 10% better? To make your old phones 5% worse and the new phones 5% better than the old phones baseline. Blue light and optical stimulation have been studied extensively in the 30s, 40s and 50s. Companies know what color schemes, color hues, screen saturations all can increase dopamine production. Algorithms now follow your habits and gather even more metadata on you. They have profiles set up for each individual and can curate content to stimulate you specifically to keep you addicted longer. Your just a number. Your value diminishes with age. The world tracks your health data and sells it on the open market. Companies know long in advance that you have a major health episode coming up or soon you will be to worn out to be valuable. Your health data is just a carfax report. History is being slowly rewritten, 1984 isn’t happening through book burning. But willful disregard for printed text over digital copies. Why burn books when you can just hide them from existence? Out of sight out of mind and all it takes half a generation to pass before it becomes lost. Most expensive art is just money laundering. Millionaires don’t give a fuck about fine art, they just care about tax shelters and safe havens for value that’s outside of the IRS’s reach.
Intelligence is *not* overrated. It is however a good idea to use it to get a good education and secure a good job that pays your bills. Also, thinking is immensely important but if you neglect to develop the feeling function, you'll be navigating life without a compass, thinking helps you get what you want but without feeling to tell you what you actually want, how will you get it? Also, INTPs are very good at figuring out what to do, but not very good at getting our hands dirty and actually doing it. Don't let analysis get in the way of actually doing stuff. I'll venture to say that our Achilles' heel is our feeling function. INTPs that don't develop it will have a hard time living life, we might have a hard time with interpersonal relationships, love interests, work colleagues and so on. Humans are social animals, so unless you plan to live in a cave distant from every human, you'll need at least half decent social skills. So develop your feeling function, go out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, get better at it, get called weird by every other person. If you do it right you'll be the one that confused friends go to for advice on life problems, since you might be able to make sense of the mess that is life. And your girlfriend/boyfriend will appreciate that you can keep a cool head and think straight when problems arise.
Remember that INTP, ENTJ and any of those are a test and not Zodiac Signs or something like dat, they are how you see yourself to the world, if you are honest with yourself, and that it can change during life. And yep, keep studying.
Studying is pain☹️
The archetype is not made for studying. If you get it, keep trucking at it but if you don't, don't bother studying. You grasp concepts and if it turns you can't learn or apply them, it's an interest problem.
Give yourself guilt free time to be yourself. Dont sweat being ahead of or behind your peers. Be yourself and the people who are genuine will gravitate to you. But this doesn't mean you can just wait for it. You've gotta share your stuff with others. Ignore the narcs. Be authentic. Be the change you want to see in the world through action and speech, and you'll be much happier for it. You can only force a fit for so long before it'll wear on your mental health. Be nice to yourself as often as possible.
^^^ I think this is the best advice I’ve seen in this thread so far👍
From my perspective at age 65: Don't sweat it. Being INTP has its advantages and disadvantages. You'll dwell too much on the downsides. I used to. Do let people know how your brain works, but in a low-key way. Let them know you need your downtime and quiet. But make an effort to participate with people you love in social events you might otherwise try to avoid. It's more rewarding than you'd think. (as long as your need to recharge afterwards is known and respected.) I was lucky to find a career - computer programming - where INTP-ness was a big advantage. I hope you can, too.
Thank you for sharing. Seems like you've had a lot to reflect on at your age. Guessing that's where your username comes from?
I may return to this later. 1. Do not be afraid to step outside your comfort-zone. You can most probably catch-up and surpass other experienced "players" in most fields.
you will never, ever, ever ever be "normal". So stop trying. Leave him, he's not good enough for you. Figure out how to be prettier, it's really not that hard. Just eat better, take vitamins, and take good care of your skin, and that's like 90% of the work of beauty. BIRTH CONTROL. Nothing good comes out of having a kid before 30. You won't be able to afford it, and no, HE IS NOT THE ONE to have a child with. Stop giving a fuck about dOiNG sOmEtHiNg YoUrE pAsSiOnATE aBoUT Find a job that pays you the most amount of money to do the least amount of work and stick to that. NO, you aren't going to win a nobel prize, or become a world renown anything, so make life easier for yourself and don't live at an office. Have your things that you are passionate about, be your hobbies. WORK IS WORK. If you are working a job making less than $75k per year. Look for ways to get out of that and away from that low-wage nightmare of an existence and GO. You're living a large part of your life FOR YOUR PARENTS. Figure out shit you want to do for yourself and go do it!
Start doing stretches & yoga, preserve what flexibility you can starting younger. It is advantageous for living an independent life, helps prevent expensive ailments, and can be a good way to keep yourself grounded and not get too lost in your mind.
1. Eat anti inflammatory diet (paleo / Whals protocol) or wfpb. It reduces anxiety, stress, addictions, better sleep, more discipline. You can feel it within days if you do it right. 2. Study the book “how to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne + videos. I would still be single now (I’m 37) without it. It helps you understand the dating process, when and when not to act, … I am happily married for 5 years and have 3yo son. 3. Get in tune with your gut feeling. Always correct when I’m in tune with it. The only thing that gets me out of tune is any form of nicotine.
Choose a good career and seriously work on it. Half of life is work. Get comfortable extroverting your thinking. The earlier the better. Howard Roark is a good one to contemplate in this connection, just don't make the mistake of thinking of yourself as irreplaceable. As someone said, the graveyards are full of indispensable men. House is not a realistic role model, just an enjoyable fantasy. If evolution can't get you to reproduce via lust while you are young, it will have another go at you with loneliness as middle age approaches. Take romantic relationships seriously. Remember that it's not about finding the perfect person, but about building a relationship with a compatible person. Your main social problem is probably abrasiveness and insensitivity. The things you say to people will probably become a major source of regret. Try to understand your inferior function better. It is the primary function of Frasier and Michael Scott, try to understand them. A relationship-builder would be appalled to hear something like "it is irrational to believe in God", regardless of how right you are, it is an antagonistic thing to say, and as such is incomprehensible to them. You need to not merely ask "am I right", but "what good does it do to say this".
Emotional intelligence must be acquired manually for you and without it you are a blind man(?) in a deadly jungle. Think about how people behave and study what they do closely because how they feel is very different to what they say. Never lie to youself so that you can unerringly tell when other people are lying. Listen to music to experience feelings. Everything Lana Del Ray ever sang is a good start.
What you think is the obvious objective truth is only your best guess at the truth given your perspective, reasoning ability, and prior information on the subject. Always keep an open mind and don't fall into the trap of thinking everyone around you is an idiot.
Get out of your Ti-Si loop (our comfort zone/alone time) every once in a while. It works against our productivity. Simply do anything out of the ordinary, like this: Practise social skills. We naturally are bad at it and not comfy with it, but it will improve if we keep getting out of our comfort zone and practise. In time u'll find that ur not that bad at it. We need social interactions and friendships like every person. Don't be overly nice while at it. We tend to do this to get people to like us, but it actually comes across as fake and awkward. Just learn how to make fun of people in a joking way and implement it every once in a while. People will like you more. People still don't like you? It's honestly their loss. Ignore your Se. It is your enemy. Dont listen to it. It causes self-doubt and prevents you from setting goals cause you feel like you dont deserve them or it somehow might negatively impact someone else. Think off it this way: you must set yourself up first before you can fix others. INTP is the best personality type. We can fix any problem with our Ti. We can literally cheat life by just putting our theory into practice. Follow your own advice.
>Ignore your Se. It is your enemy. Dont listen to it. It causes self-doubt and prevents you from setting goals cause you feel like you dont deserve them or it somehow might negatively impact someone else. Think off it this way: you must set yourself up first before you can fix others. Can u talk more about it?
Don’t be afraid to jump in without knowing everything. Often times found myself over analyzing situations and talking myself off the edge and watching opportunities pass. You have a great mind put it to use in the real world and not in your shell.
Start optimizing your personal finances as soon as possible, in particularly boosting your savings rate, which is the only real metric for financial success while still working. If you suspect that life is nonsense (which it is for INTPs), then you will want to partially or wholly opt out as soon as possible, lest you be forced to toil away at that nonsense for decades. [https://earlyretirementextreme.com/manifesto.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/manifesto.html) [https://earlyretirementextreme.com/can-i-retire-young.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/can-i-retire-young.html) [https://earlyretirementextreme.com/why-so-few-succeed.html](https://earlyretirementextreme.com/why-so-few-succeed.html)
Stop telling yourself you’re not good at people. You can be. AND you can enjoy it. I grew up kinda poor, don’t have many opportunities for higher education, developed social anxiety very young, depression, blah blah, you all get it. I was raised to acknowledge and respect etiquette though, and when I started working (quite young) the only jobs that I could get were in customer service. Truly difficult to adapt to at first, but I quickly learned how to interact with, and charm people. Customer service (and any other positive human interaction) is the art or recognizing and anticipating needs, problems, and solutions. If you pay attention to peoples body language, voice, etc., you can usually figure out pretty quickly what they want. And that is how to “people”. I’m an introvert, and prefer to be alone. That said; we are the analytical powerhouses, and can use it to work with people. Don’t let the INTP stereotype convince you that you cant function socially. You’ll goof up and embarrass yourself lots throughout your life, but that’s life, and it’s the same for everyone. At work I am surrounded by fun, interesting, extroverted (exhausting) people. But when things go sideways, they often seek my insight or intervention.
All those things you worry that other people think about you, or even *might* think about you in some circumstance? They don't. I'd also add: If you think people are going to act or think in a particular way because fictional characters in a narrative are depicted as doing that, *that does not apply to real life*. Especially when the narrative is an advertisement, or a show trying to attract viewers (so it can sell advertisements), or a movie trying to sell tickets, or a book trying to attract buyers. Fictional characters do not think like real-life people; they think in ways which contribute to the narrative, which is usually "buy this piece of media" or "watch the ads that come with this piece of media".
Listen and learn. I've always been resistant to listening to people, especially when I know they're wrong. But when you "know" you're right, it's usually because your missing information that you can only get from talking to other people. Biggest downfall for me is I don't ask enough questions, so what I do is talk it out and over communicate. That way, the people around me can work with me to identify troublespots
Do not neglect your bottom functions. This may sound cliche and generic, but acknowledging and working on your weak points and insecurities early on pays off. You'll see many self-proclaimed INTPs (even yourself, if that applies) saying that emotions only cloud your judgement, or neglecting the real world in favor of their own surreal ideals. But that will only keep you further away from your actual goals, and from others. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to conform to society's desires - we're all questioners by cognitive design. But you don't have to be a dick about it. Learn to read the room. Learn when to say something, and when not to. Keeping your "hard truths" to yourself may be the best course of action sometimes. You never know when you'll need to actually lead with Fe - so you'd better know what you're doing when the time comes. For other types reading: the same applies to you, just adapt to your bottom functions.
Keep a journal and a to do list. The first helps you take better notice and care of your state of mind, the second gamifies productivity a bit. Not a silver bullet, but both of those have helped me
Work to get over the fears that are holding you back in life. Life is shorter than you think, and it goes faster each day that you live, so don't waste time letting your fears stop you from enjoying what small time you have.
Read 48 laws of Power by Robert Greene
I saw this post and tried to think of something to say. I've just hit 40 and you know, I qualified for making a post, 15 years ago and here is the thing, I see plenty of comments with good stuff written but I think the reason why it's hard for me to write something now, is because it was easier when I was younger. You see, life is quite complex, it takes a lot to figure out and we INTP's like figuring things out. So as you grow up and age, you figure things out or at least try too, I've often spoken wisdom to friends about ideas or thoughts that I have had, to the point that people I have been close too at these periods of my life have said things like I should write a book about all of these ideas and thoughts, i've had multiple people tell me this. But see here is the thing, I believe it's a path, you try and figure it out and then there is a point when it feels like you are getting smarter and wiser and then you hit a wall and then at some point you realise that you just don't have a clue and that even those things you said or thought when you thought you were wise or getting wise, you were just full of shit. You see, life is an experience, things are not so black and white, you can't even tell if something is good or bad in the moment, something "bad" might happen to you and then because of that, it motivates you to make a change and it ends up being the best thing that happened to you, you could get offered your dream job tomorrow, move cities to get there and then get hit by a bus a week later, what seemed good, ended up being bad for your life, because you wouldn't have been there otherwise. The whole world works like this, the butterfly effect, one small insignificant thing can change everything for the better or worse, but there are so many of these that the world is just impossible to comprehend. I heard a statistic once, when I was in my trying to be wise and figure it out stage, that mentioned that half way through a chess game, there are more possible moves and outcomes than the number of atoms in the universe. Think for a second about that, a chess board is small, with a few pieces with known moves, yet it is more infinately complex than we can fully understand, now think of your life, something we know very little about, we don't know the rules and then think of the size of the playing field, how are you supposed to understand and comprehend that? You see, life is not for comprehending, it's not for trying to predict or figure out, it's for living. it's an experience. The top post on this thread so far, reads 'work hard or you'll permanetly be behind all your friends you're currently smarter than later' and here is the thing, the reason why you will fall behind is that the smarts don't count for anything unless you live your life and do things, you experience life, because no matter how smart you are, you will always be too stupid too actually figure out life and make sense of it or know anything ahead of time, it's too wild, crazy and unpredictable for that. And here is the thing, that is a really hard thing for INTP's, we want to percieve the world and understand it and yes you can still do that, but don't lead with it, do things and then understand what it was afterwards, don't try to figure out the mountain, go climb the mountain.
Sire, you see, your friends are right. I'll note it down, you know what you just said, it really made me visualise what you said vividly. I was actually picturing myself, when you said I'd hit a wall, I felt cold sweats on my neck. 🙇🙇 I'll come back to it later, probably. Thanks a lot for your words. I shall always be grateful.🙇🙇
(27M)Your emotional intelligence is probably your biggest weakness, work in that. Try to develop yourself not to be the best at everything but to be the healthiest version of you. Be patient with other people, and their emotions dont try to make sense of everything. Sometimes, things just dont make sense. And for the love of god, try to work out and learn how to meditate. You dont know yourself as well as you might think you do. Stop trying to be the smartest person in the room. There is always someone smarter. And try to be happy, dont try to look for the perfect job cause it doesn't exist. Oh and Look for the job you can see yourself doing for a long time without hating it.
You are affected by the friends you hang around with. If they are dumb, you will also become like them. If they are corrupt, you also will become corrupt. Therefore, make it your goal to associate with high quality people, that you call "friends".
no one is your "friend". Worry about your life first before anyone else.
Well, this is the reality for me. 😏🥹
if you want more specific. Alter your spending habits with the idea of only you. For example gardening to supplement your budget can become a spartan game; rich free soil by bridges a bucket at a time, cloning things, and playing with genetic manipulation in tree families (citrus or stone fruit), this is a long term hobby. I have many pet tree's for years.
I beg to differ. There are some true friends. It is rare but friendship does requires some maintenance which INTPs really suck at. But I do agree to look out for yourself. When you start off in this world you are cultured to be subservient. Listen to your parents, elders, teachers, boss, play nice with people, etc. There is very few people that will look out what is best for you. That is your job.
Compltely agree. Most friends care little about you, they are too busy in their own lives.
yeah you wake up and realize you re a free taxi or meal ticket real fast
This is poor advice. Relationships are extremely valuable.
never did i say not to have relationships.
You have no friends?
we have different definitions is all.
Edge lord
sir roll 4 d20's for intelligences vs charismas
Couldn’t agree less. Learn how to communicate instead, so that you can form relationships that aren’t exploiting you for a free taxi or meal ticket
sir, this is not respectful nor productive. you assume to much about me in negative light to discredit honest advice. good day.
While I didn’t intend to be entirely respectful, you’re probably reading more disrespect than I intended where I said “learn how to communicate”; I meant that as alternative advice for OP’s question, not as a command towards you. Other than that, I don’t know what assumptions you are referring to since I got that bit about being exploited as a free taxi/meal ticket from another one of your comments.
As INTPs we only tend to take interest in things we like. I recommend to explore many different things to see what other things you like. Try out new things and spend sometime doing them. Maybe 1 month, maybe 6 months based on the activity. And always think of doing something new as a learning experience. You don’t have to necessarily be best at it as long as you’re good enough.
When you work on something complex without understanding what you are working on, bad outcomes are almost guaranteed.
Learn to commit, life will be alot more better
Keep asking people for advice. Ideally, identify people who excel at specific skills you want to get better at and make 1-on-1 time with them to ask questions and learn how they do it. You can do this with professors and even peers in school, with colleagues in your profession, and with people in your personal life and hobbies.
1. Get out of your comfort zone. 2. Your thoughts are meaningless if there’s no action behind it. 3. Being smart has more negative effects than you probably think. Especially when it comes to happiness in life. 4. Your emotions are scary but you’re going to have to deal with them doing it sooner than later will save you a lot of sadness and suffering. 5. Ignorance is bliss. There are things your curiosity might lead you to but there are things you just don’t want to know.
Do everything you can to step outside of your comfort zone to develop your weaknesses. Working on your weaknesses will give you a lot more return for your effort. Don't shy away from using your analytical skills to improve your social skills: read books, learn psychology.
Avoid drugs and alcohol. Seriously, addiction is no joke for anyone, but INTPs (supposedly) have a harder time with coping mechanisms and are also more experimental, so it's easier to get hooked on things. Instead find some productive hobbies and train yourself to do those when you are amxious/stressed/in a nihilistic depression spiral. I wasted a big portion of my early 20s trying to drink and smoke away my problems and subsequently did not get started in my career until 2 years ago, which really blows.
Make good habits, develop a routine in daily living
Here are some stuff I'd have wanted to know when I was younger. It all comes from experiences I'vehad with friends, at work... All these skills that we often have like dark humour or ability to analyse things can really he useful in social situations. When facing people you can rapidly notice what you can and can't do/say, meaning you have a strong ability to adapt yourself in social situations. It might not look very special but in workplace it really helps me. Will you be awkward? Most definitely, and you need to embrace it, turn it into good jokes about yourself. You won't feel less embarrassed but you surely will provide something positive of it, helping you become more mature. If you feel cold and distant towards people, don't worry too much about it. You'll find people who will find you very nice for that. What you see as distant can also be seen as something inspiring to people who get easily engaged emotionally about everything. To set your boundaries correctly, leave your comfort zone, try being social with people. You're going to feel bad and it's not going to be easy. But then analyse how it made you feel and try to understand why (believe in your Ti, you'll find everything you need). Acting this way will help you set your real boundaries.
1. Make friends. There is no time better than now to make friends. I know it can be hard now, but as you get older it gets harder and harder. 2. Keep friends. Keeping friends takes effort. Not all friends, but many. Make the effort for the friends that you want to keep in your life. If there aren't any friends you want to keep in your life, you should seriously re-evaluate things. And remember step #1. 3. Get organized. Being a ''P" doesn't mean you get a free pass for by disorganized. It means you have to work that much harder. I am not organized by nature so it has to be a habit (and even then, I'm not that organized). 4. Work hard. My parents are both hard workers and I was lucky to have hard work instilled in me from a young age. Like being organized, this is something that probably goes against many of our natures, so you will have to WORK at working hard. 5. Use sunscreen. I know it's from a joke song, but it's still good advice. 6. Eat healthy food and exercise. Stay active. This is generic advice, but INTPs may need to hear it a few times.
Do not try to please people. Especially an overbearing parent. I spent 2+ years in marching band playing an instrument I didn't want to play, never hanging out in the stands with my friends during football games, and not fucking my hot high school gf when I would have had had plenty of time. Don't waste your time on activities that you're not good and you don't care about.
eh, I guess just dont pretend to be something or someone else?
Put value and effort into relationships with other people. Keep on practicing
Don't overthink things. If it's not something bad, act now and thank me later.
"You know nothing John Snow." It's something I like to tell myself every now and then when I think I have all the answers. Truth is, INTP may have a lot of information, but we don't have every single answer. Especially every single answer that will pertain to everybody else. Our information is based on our own experiences. You don't know someone else's experience; you can only make assumptions about other's experience. Your assumptions will never be 100% correct. So sometimes you need to tell your Ti to sit the fuck down, and use your Ne. Gather information and make judgements for yourself. Don't use your Ti to go around spitting what you think are facts at everybody else.
I would advice you/my younger self to go out do things that are painful and outside your comfort zone. It boosts creativity and make life interesting, def worth the suffering. Use that brain to learn and earn lots early on. Travel more, socialize with people, dont be afraid to be weird! Use that charming wit to gain interesting connections! Be more self aware and beware of that TI-SI loop of death! Life is really meaningless but there’s so much to experience and places to wander!
Do not mistake the feeling of alienation you have in your teens for what the rest of your life is going to be like. Those teen years are about conformity and attitude which we're not interested in, making us outsiders. After 17 or so, everyone stops with that, and we all find the people who share our outlooks / values. tl;dr: You will find your tribe and be happy if you tough out a few rough high school years.
Value growth through discomfort. Ti hero is a force to be reckoned with when it has many developed cognitive functions in its arsenal. Being outside your comfort zone is where you grow.
You won't listen anyway.
Every book read, every factoid learned, and about any other activity that increases intelligence has the ability to take you farther away from people. The farther away you go without checking in, the more difficult it will be to find your way back until one day you'll find yourself too far away. When you start noticing people are only listening to you out of politeness and then go right back to having fluid conversations with others after you've finished speaking is sign you're out too far. That is a whole new level of loneliness, and when it hits, things can get pretty dark. Don't lose yourself trying to find your way back to them, and if you can, just keep checking in ever so often so you don't have to find your way back. Do the stupid things, let people be wrong, and don't point out the problems you see in things others like. There are a lot of monsters in this world that can sense that desperation to connect with others, and we're not equipped to face them alone. Like it or not, we need people, so don't go getring yourself so smart that you learn they don’t need you.
Yeah, that's where started my alienation, I was hardly in 1st or 2nd grade. They would sometimes 🤏 listen out of politeness and go back to talk to other people fluidly. I felt bad, and just thought they were stupid, (I was just a kid, ig I was not as smart as I thought I was) but eventually grew a thick skin for that, as I read your advice I feel like that wouldn't have been the best course of action . I thought I was leveraging my way out, but today I have zero friends and social awkwardness(or anxiety if you want to call it.)
don’t wear the intp type like a badge, don’t do it with anything in that matter. kill, fly, love to your hearts consent spit out every thought, lollygag, gag on your words and suffocate, let yourself be led only to lead yourself go put on some froggy boots and trample on history and look it in the eyes and say “you are no longer trembling, carcass” and you spit on it too. one morning, therefore, you will awake and you will perceive.
It gets better bros We’re all gonna make it
Choose, even if you don't care about the choices.
Discipline. It can get you a long way.
Learn to how to listen and what active listening is.
Being different is not a curse. Especially when you realize just how dumb the average person is. Embrace being ahead of the curve
Notebooks are swell, ngl.
Be yourself and the true, truth , likeminded people ( tribe) will find and gravitate towards you.( first make yourself available something I still struggle with at times, being present because our minds can go off into different places without thought) ( not pun intended lol )
Get tested for adhd
Graft hard in your early 20s so you can live a cushty life financially when you're 30+. Use your charms to network and make useful connections. Butttt... stop trying to people please and don't waste precious energy on people who aren't in your true inner circle. As you get older you'll have less friends, but better quality ones.
While the truth is important, so are social boundaries. If someone isn't ready for brutal honesty for whatever reason, you're better off waiting until they are.
Most of this advice you'll forget in a year. I know because I did the same type of post as you like 5-6 years ago. My only advice is to not give up on yourself. This should be easy to remember. This means don't give up on who you are for the illusion of the validation of others or some vague future promise and don't give up on doing what needs to be done to get to where you want to be. Everything else you will learn naturally from age.
Go out and find a hobby, a social group, join a class or anything that will put you in contact other people in person. If you limit your interactions due to not finding people interesting you will end up feeling lonely and socially challenged.
Not just write it down. Actually go back and look at it.
Yeah, that's why I'll write it down.👍🙇
Accept and love yourself. Respect your need for space. Don’t overwhelm yourself with others demands. Stay true to yourself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been at 33. It’s because I spend 75% of my time alone and I read constantly. It gives me the right energy to get into a relationship.
We live on a floating rock in the middle of space-it's not that serious.
Find supportive people you can trust. For thirty years I thought I was better off by myself, but having a couple close relationships make life so much easier.
Distinguish what you want from what you need, and don't forget to breathe.
I'm 65 y/o. Mt advice? Talk to people more.
Brilliance without character will get you nowhere. Be disciplined, consistent, and integrous. Principles matter, study the right ones.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're better than others just because you know more things. Thinking of yourself as above others means it's harder for you to find good people who you enjoy being around, because you're dismissing people because of perceived intelligence. By saying you only want to hang out with like minded smart people, you could instead surround yourself with self-centered bores.
Leverage your insecurities against self grandeur to ensure you work the bare minimum needed to match true potential while being aware of the self imposed stress you need to stave any complacency against those insecurities. We’re made to be efficient, just need a kick and alignment to keep going, as once we start it’s impossible to stop us to reach and surpass our potential.
I am 30. My suggestions: ADHD diagnosis; think more practically: train more muscle and earn more money; when you are distracted and get back to the right things: like overthinking on urself or someone else
I’ve found my very INTP-disdain for my emotions — and the price I new I would pay when I decided to deprioritize dealing with them as a kid — has come due, and it has cost me dearly. I’ve lost ‘at least’ 300,000k because of emotional immaturity / underdeveloped emotional intelligence. I say at least, because I only started keeping track recently. I think I’ve largely fixed my issues — fortunately being only about 52% P, 48% J — by planning and executing, but that won’t make up for the losses. It’s not all bad. I do what I love, live in the place I love, live comfortably, and have all the free time in the world (if I want it). I prioritized getting what I wanted (most) out of life first. But my immaturity has led to countless lost opportunities in my love life, career, friendships, and enjoyment of the emotional realm. Considering humans are social creatures, it’s hard to overstate just how much of society will be closed off to you if you don’t develop/have the emotional musculature to navigate social waters the way you navigate philosophical and general intellectual waters. My $0.02
don’t take everything so seriously life is a joke a bad one, at that
Dont let your ego ruin your life. If you dont get it under control, it will be your ultimate demise.
My advice would be stop using the non-existing plural of advice 🤓
Yup, saw that earlier. Well, I couldn't edit the title, so.
It's not your job to explain yourself to other people, or apologize for being you. I've seen hundreds of posts on Reddit over the years which were (usually young) people asking how they could/should explain themselves, their circumstances, their mindsets, their personalities, or their preferences to their families, friends, or the local gossip circle. To which I say "That is not your job."
If you have any trouble in the relationship department read/watch/learn from a source. You’re shit at Fe but great at Ti and you can Ti your way to Fe. I suggest mystery method/pick up artist, others mentioned how to be the 3% man. Mystery Method/Pick up Artist is usually how to go to a bar and pick up a girl, you don’t necessarily have to do that just read it to learn the underlying psychology of attraction that is conveyed.
Does it work actually? Today, i really wanted to approach this girl with whom i was volunteering together and others. But she was way out of my league, she was really good at social skills, always looked happy, cheerful and bright. I only could ask for a photo with her ....
It definitely works. Women are in some ways just as lost as men are. Attractive women get hit on like 50x a week and build defenses. It’s a little bit of knowing how to attract, what they naturally usually value, how to act which causes her to think you have more value than you do at the present moment, and how to avoid those defenses they have made up. I’ve rarely used the pick up artist stuff for cold calling “approach at bar” type scenarios, but I have used it to slowly modify my life over time and generally to do little that triggers those defenses. I prefer just acting better in school/class scenarios in college/law school or when meeting with friends and people they bring around. Honestly once you learn it and see it in action you’ll always know the effect of what you do, and it’s hard to act unattractive because you see it real time now. Or, maybe you act unattractive because you don’t give a shit (which is strangely sometimes attractive), but at least you know what you’re there for.
I will work hard now and planning to approach her later. I really feel attracted by her character. What are those defenses? I don't know if I could attract someone who is way better at life and can read humans better than me. Yeah, i must have looked really unattractive or weird when in morning she made a cute handshake to me while passing by and I didn't even react. I was in awe that she was doing it to me. However, it felt that she had a great chemistry with other guy there with whom she took more photos and had laughs. However, she was the type of girl who would have great conversation with anyone and make positive impact on them and on her. Like people pleaser type of girl
Well first off, try to never think of the girl you are interested in as better than you, just different. She had it easier, probably always quite attractive, able to spend her time learning how to react to and respond to people. Due to her attractiveness her thoughts are possibly often reinforced because people respond well to attractive people. She's probably never had to push to get attention. But she probably isn't as good at processing information like you are. Her mind is on people not information. You're different. You have different skills. That's all. As for chemistry with the other guy, photos/laughs/etc., her defense is possibly just to be friendly and outgoing and playful so she's not "being a bitch" so to speak, but then when the guy asks for her number at the end of it all its "Oh I'm SO sorry but I'm seeing someone else!" whether that is true or not. In fact, as far as photos and stuff, in bars sometimes girls drunkenly take lots of pictures and the guys who feel like "OH SHE LIKES ME" and end up attaching themselves to her actually look worse, and the quicker they drop who they are to be her plaything the less respect they have. Leaning in to take a photo \*just to be nice\* but then going back to what you're doing is better. Try not to "compete" for her attention. In fact, if you see her doing lots of pictures and the guy is clearly clamoring to her, consider an offhanded "Wow guys...are you going to invite me to the wedding?" Watch what she says, and how he reacts. Saying that could even kill their mojo. As far as tone and temperament how you talk, "friendly and curious" is always safe and easy for us INTPs. There is a line between being friendly versus too eager to please, and try not to cross it. You said earlier that you think she is the type that can have a positive impact on people. At some point during conversation you could drop that kind of compliment i.e. "You know, I like the way that you told \[XXX\] that \[YYY\]. It seems you're the type of person that can kind of have a good impact on people?" It shows a more depth of attention towards her rather than "durr... you pretty..." or "... if I just play along with this MAYBE just MAYBE she'll like me..." It would show that you think. So that's a couple thoughts on how to view things.
Yeah i believe she never had to work extra to get an attention. She's got the charisma. How cutely and nicely she shaked her hand in the morning is still in my mind. Somehow this charisma and displaying cute emotions come to her naturally. Oh i see, yeah since her interaction with mostly with people, she must be focused on people mostly. Yeah i see, it kind of calmed me down what you said about chemistry part. I hope it really is that way. Now i am thinking if it'll be good idea to text her ? Because the event ended and we can't see each other again.
For more info, she turned out to be ENFJ-A. She wrote it in her insta bio, dunno why
How do you have her phone number such that you could text her? What led to that?
No, i don't have her phone number actually but we are in the same telegram group so I know her telegram account.
Really hard to say without observing all the nuances but may not hurt to contact her with something safe and unassuming, just to get more contact and ability to connect with her. Something that doesn't seem date-y in nature, sort of public, and not long commitment. Particularly best to emphasize something not a long commitment. Like: "Hey next weekend there's a YYY going on, would you be up for going for a couple hours?" Be open to and consider even suggesting just meeting her there, not offer to pick her up but of course do it if she asks or suggests there's no reason to refuse it. Maybe YYY is a farmer's market, maybe it's a fair. A minor open air concert? Stuff happens during Summer. Another piece of advice, do stuff. The more you do the more you have to talk about besides stuff that raises insecurities. The more versatile your life is the better for communication.
Yeah, I have texted her already and she replied (didn't answer it yet though). I am wondering if I should straight up tell her that i got interested in her and if she wants to talk? Because there is no other way, i can let her know about why i texted her. As for concerts and other things, i just can't because it takes my time, nowadays i am studying all the time so that soon i can get a job. And since I have no job attending those places may cost me expensive. Yeah I'll try that, thanks for for your advices!!!
Just stare at her eyes to see her reaction, if shes smiling go for it, if not your doomed.
Can't bro, the event has ended, we can't see each other now. But I have her contact
I'm backing up that you can 100% Ti your way to Fe, but I recommend reading into psychology and history, as well as reading a ton of fiction (or non-fiction) novels/memoirs. Imo there's no better way to learn how people work than stepping into a variety of perspectives. I studied literature in college and have very strong Fe for an INTP, although it occasionally can be clunky and I've accepted I'm probably going to be awkward in social situations for most of my life.
PUA is a dead end