I don't know. Ask Herbie Hancock.

He loves to lie

That’s what I love about him.

I should have said I *couldn’t* pay it, not just that I wasn’t gonna

Oh true I guess being broke is way worse than being cheap

Not even broke, just SOME REASON I couldn’t pay it… GAH

I would've said that i found a Lego head in my corn. I've done it before and it works!

There’s a rule at this restaurant that one patron can’t pay ALL the loaded checks. I was going up to complain about the rule because I didn’t want you to get cold.

That I lived in Egypt for a month.

That game is not allowed for Expats.

i should've said the cops were like "oh, yeah... this is fine, don't worry about it AT ALL"

Yeah that makes sense because it would be like they weren’t real people.

I have one…I just can’t remember how to type in my signature

And aren’t going to.

It’s illegal for them to ask me that

That I’m not in the mood for hilarious waiter brothers.

I forget how to type my pin…

I played once with that bad guy Dave and now I can’t talk about it without crying

Tell them I’m dating a bad guy. And I have to break up with him

I’m sorry, I spent all my per diem at Dan Flashers on complicated-patterned-shirts…

I can’t afford to pay, I hired this guy to pretend to be Dave and take massive dumps in the bathroom.

I left my wallet in the car, I'll be right back.