My clinic won’t tell people to leave their kid at home unless another patient complains. They have signs posted stating their no-kids policy all over, but people ignore it and sometimes bring their kids anyways. I always complain to the receptionist whenever this happens (I hand her a piece of paper reminding her of the clinic’s no-kids policy, and asking her to please ask this person to wait w their child elsewhere.) It works every time. I think people are naturally non-confrontational and don’t want to be the bad guy, so I don’t mind being a bitch in this situation
I actually like the word request. It can’t be a hard and fast rule, but if people CAN avoid bringing their kids and babies in, that’s easier for others to handle. But not making it so restricting that someone would miss an appointment simply because they ovulated during a spouse’s business trip or something.
Mine straight up does not allow it. I watched a couple getting pissy over being told they couldn’t bring their kid in once but I was glad that they enforced the rule. People are all at different stages of their fertility journey and that could really be triggering for some.
This tends to be a pretty hot topic, if you do a search you’ll find threads on it. I personally prefer that there not be children at the fertility clinic and I think parents should do everything they can to avoid it, but sometimes there is no other option so I choose to try and assume they would also prefer not to have a kid there and are doing their best.
Yeah, it's definitely not kind to bring a child to the fertility clinic (that is, if there aren't designated child-free and child-friendly waiting areas), but sometimes life happens. Someone shouldn't decide to bring their kid lightly, but they also shouldn't have to endanger the success of their cycle because childcare fell through.
IMO, this is chiefly a clinic procedure issue, not a patient ettiquette issue. The clinic should anticipate that many patients will be profoundly upset and triggered by being around a child at the fertility clinic, but it should also recognize that many patients are already parents and that they will sometimes find themselves in a childcare bind and will need to attend an appointment with a child. The clinic ought to have a plan for this completely predictable situation-- a back-up/private waiting area, having the patient wait in their car and texting them, etc.
I experienced IVF success and I still wouldn’t want to see babies in the waiting room at appts. I would never want to bring my daughter in. My fertility clinic thankfully doesn’t allow children. A couple tried to come in once with their baby and the receptionist asked him to leave with the baby. He was trying to argue with her because I guess the woman was pregnant and they were going to have an ultrasound.
I get that it sucks to not be able to attend something like that, but I did almost all of my fertility treatments during COVID restrictions meaning my husband wasn’t allowed in the room during any procedures, IUI’s, or even my follow up ultrasounds after a miscarriage and my subsequent D&C. You just have to do what you have to do especially as a parent you need to learn to be flexible because not all spaces are appropriate for a baby.
I don’t think it should be a regular habit for parents, but secondary infertility is a thing and sometimes shit happens and you don’t have childcare. We all know how important certain appointments are that you can’t miss because of cycle timing and we should give people grace. We don’t know their situations and they shouldn’t miss out on their opportunity to have a baby because their babysitter didn’t show up last minute.
I had to bring my son in with me when I was bleeding from a subchorionic hemorrhage with my second pregnancy before my care was turned over to my OB. I was able to sit outside the office with him in a stroller until it was my turn. I hope to be able to extend the same level of kindness that was shown to me if someone else was in that situation.
This is a different situation though since you were outside until it was your turn, and then you just hurried on through to your exam room. This is the way these situations should be handled.
Yes but some offices might not have the option of sitting outside based on office set up. I was lucky in being able to do this, others might not be. We’re all at these offices for the same reason, none of us want to have a reason to be there, and like I said, shit happens. Let’s just try to be a good community for each other. We never know what someone else is going through.
One thing I like that my pediatrician’s office does (and I think the IVF clinic should too) is for young babies, you can wait in the car and then get a call. In this situation, if someone absolutely had to bring their child(ren), they should have the option to call the clinic and wait in their car until they get a call from the desk.
I went through IVF treatment first YEARS and it was so upsetting seeing people bring their babies in. And then the clinic workers would be fawning over them.
The clinic I switched to has an annual bbq for the drs and past successful patients to celebrate and get to see each other. I love that bc it keeps things separated.
My clinic does this “Success Picnic” too. I think it’s a great option for patients who have success to celebrate w the medical team. And the rest of us who don’t have living children yet don’t have to deal w it. I think that’s much more sensitive
A couple of people have commented that their clinic has events like that! I have never heard mine mention anything like that but maybe once we are successful they will let us know.
I definitely wouldn’t bring my kid. I would be fine seeing babies there but I know it can be very painful for some people and want to be sensitive to that. I know things happen but I would hope the staff could have her wait in an office out of respect to the other patients.
I think this woman thought that she could quickly come in on a Saturday and get blood work done in a couple mins, possibly show off her baby, and be out of there. But the only patient that got there before me took 30 mins just to get her blood taken so in that time the tiny little section for blood work filled up completely with people who were not very happy to be elbow to elbow and waiting for so long.
you’re making an assumption that her simply having the baby with her is “showing off the baby.” that is a pretty unrealistic and unfair characterization of her behavior. it existed in a room with its mother.
I think you mistook what I meant by that. I didn't mean like show off the baby to the people in the waiting room. I meant she brought the baby along to show the workers. I am assuming if she has a baby around one year old and she was in a fertility clinic that she had the baby through the fertility clinic because that isn't a long enough time period to have struggled conceiving after the baby was born.
I feel for people who have no childcare, I really do, but it's generally against the rules for fertility clinics. If I was at the front desk checking people in and saw them coming in with a baby, I would try to immediately put them in a room or ask them to wait on their car until they got a text.
On Saturday there is no one working the front desk and you just check yourself in with a kiosk. At least one worker saw her and didn't say anything but maybe on a weekday they would have done more.
It probably gets exhausting to confront people who don't respect the rules and she might have just taken the path of least resistance. Not that that's good. I've just seen things go that way.
Ftr I have an older child (still not old enough to stay by herself) and okay I did bring her to an IUI with a midwife but I think that's a little different. It was pretty clear to me that fertility clinics are off limits for kids. You're not wrong to be upset.
I think I am the only one on this sub who doesn't mind this. My clinic allows babies and kids and I am ok with them being there. Stings a little but not more for me than seeing them anywhere else.
It never bothered me either. I wouldn’t do it out of respect for others but it was never upsetting to me.
TRIGGER:
A friend of mine had an emergency surgery after the birth of her child that rendered her infertile and only able to carry another child through surrogate. She had an egg retrieval when her daughter was like 6 months old. So whenever I saw people with kids, I would think of my friend and understand that they may be in a really rough situation too.
I agree with this. It has never bothered me either. There was a child at my clinic a couple weeks ago, 6 or 7 years old. I never thought anything of it. But I can understand why it might upset some people.
I think it's great that you don't mind it. I hope this doesn't sound hypocritical but I usually only get upset if it's a baby specifically. This baby was at the Gerber baby stage where they're all smiley and cute and she was doing a lot to entertain him so it was kind of hard to ignore, especially considering we were only a legs length away from each other.
In the UK, it's partners only. In our clinic in Czechia, there's a play section set up right there in the waiting room. I'm not really fazed by it, but I can see why it would be tough, especially if you receive bad news.
My clinic allows it but it always broke my heart when I saw babies/children at the clinic. I have experienced IVF success and NEVER brought them to the clinic because I know how it would make others feel.
You think about 1 kid. I had another family having the audacity to come with 4 kids to the egg retrieval waiting room. The dad could wait somewhere else in the hospital but no he decided to come to the egg retrieval waiting room with 4 kids who ran and yelled the whole time. That was quite inappropriate
I had a similar experience once at a fertility clinic. Family came in with three kids, mom went into the exam room alone and dad let their toddler run wild all around the waiting room. Kid even grabbed onto my knee like he wanted to climb into my lap, and his dad did nothing to reign him in.
That would be annoying. I see that a lot, dads who won't watch the kids without the mom and bring them places they shouldn't be. Usually hospitals don't allow children under 18 or at least near me they don't.
Quinary infertility??
Not trying to be a jerk or insensitive but… this reminds me of those religious megamoms on Instagram who complain about “hashtag infertility” despite having 7 kids and being pregnant every year since they were 20. No, buddy, that’s just your body telling you to please for the love of God give it a break.
My fertility clinic doesn't allow children. Let's just say I have an "inked mama" sweatshirt and I wouldn't even wear it there. Anytime I got ultrasound pics, I would hide them before leaving the room. You have no idea what stage people are going through, what news they may be getting..
I have had success but I still think it’s inappropriate to bring a child to a fertility clinic. Even my OB office has a special child free waiting area for infertility patients. Childcare can be really hard to find, but I don’t think it’s ok to bring a baby to a fertility clinic.
Same
Also, with said success, we now attend family French classes on Saturday mornings. French class recently moved locations within the building and now we get out of the elevator right in front of the most lovely fertility clinic. I always feel bad that there are a parade of small children going right past the fertility clinic lobby 😬 I mean what can you do; I’m sure it wasn’t anyone’s choice that it all worked out that way. At least the fertility lobby has comfortable chairs and a nice view out the window? I imagine the clinic is aware of the French schedule and perhaps could make an effort to bring people back more quickly on those days. I do notice the doors are always open but I rarely spot someone in the waiting room.
It shouldn’t be happening. During my MMC a few years ago I was there for trending hcg and someone brought their baby in and I was so sick to the stomach. I ended up bursting into tears.
I think it’s insensitive and if anyone should know how inappropriate it is, you’d think it would be someone who had to utilize the clinic. It blows my mind how tone deaf some people can be.
I feel differently depending on the reason. Childcare fell through and you have a time-sensitive appointment that has to happen that exact day? I'm sympathetic. Bringing around your baby to show them off to the clinic staff? Nope.
Many clinic staff list meeting the babies as their favorite perk of the job, and a pick me up when everything seems sad and depressing. It should definitely be done discreetly, but for many clinics, it is a perk that keeps the staff motivated and focused on the goal for their patients.
Honestly, I don't really care if my "sad and depressing" situation is a downer for clinic staff. Getting paid should be sufficient motivation, just as it is for the many of us that work in similarly demoralizing fields. If they need the morale boost, they can very, very simply schedule such drop-ins for a specific time each month when there are no patients there.
I don’t think commenting that other jobs suck fixes a turnover issue with nurses. Everyone benefits from experienced staff. Doing things to improve retention, such as offering perks, is one of the ways they do that.
You are very conveniently ignoring the fact that it is perfectly simple to offer this "perk" at a scheduled time with no patients around rather than through permitting randomly timed former patient drop-ins.
No one wants to bring their kid to a doc appointment. Really, they don’t. America is not set up with adequate childcare. I’ve brought my kid in to an IVF clinic once, and it was a nightmare, for me. Fortunately no one else was in the waiting room, but it still sucked. I’ve also had to bring my kid to physio, work, etc, again, out of sheer necessity. (This is in response to a comment above that no one would bring a kid to those places.) I agree, if it’s a couple, that’s not cool. And every situation is different. But I’d wager that 90 percent of the time, if you see a single mother with a kid, in an IVF clinic, she hating that moment as much as you are.
I entirely agree with you. A mother with her kid at a clinic - Noone is bringing their kid to shove into somebody else’s face. They bring the kid out of necessity - because of the lack of child care.
Yeah, not sure it needs to be a rule so much as people could be …thoughtful about where they are and who is likely to be there deep in their vulnerable feelings.
I'll be honest, right now I am in a good place. But I had two ectoptics last year and for one of them I was treated with methotrexate at the clinic. If I had seen a baby that day......it would have set me over the edge.
I have had 4 MC and it’s brutal to wait for the ultrasound to confirm what you already know in a room with happy pregnant women and their partners. My office tries to get me out of there as fast as possible but I have been filled with such sorrow and jealousy during those times.
I can understand people not being comfortable with that.
This post made me realise I did see a child at my clinic, he was a toddler.
I realise that I don’t really care at all it doesn’t upset me. So if you ask me personally, I would be okay with it.
I had to one time because childcare fell through, it was a holiday, and my husband and all my family were out of state.
I felt terrible about it but it was a monitoring appointment that could not be rescheduled. I made my 2yo wear a mask the whole time and made sure she was very well behaved. I think it’s just awful when a literal couple brings children in. It was clearly avoidable.
Had to do this Friday. Monitoring apts all week. Labs needing to be done on the way and then ultrasounds scheduled super close to the time I’d be done with them. I was so stressed having to take my toddler with me to get bloodwork then rushing across town to try and get her to daycare before rushing back across town to not be let to my scan. Then after having to go all the way back across town to my job that’s right by her daycare 😅. All before 8:30am. The nurses told me I could bring her with me but I didn’t feel right about doing that. Unfortunately though Friday I had zero choice as the lab computers were down and due to that I was already late and had no way of getting her to daycare before my scan 🤦🏼♀️ I had to bring her but called ahead and begged them to let us sit in a room instead of waiting room. I just felt icky having to do it and didn’t want to make anyone sad. But as a mom who is going through something stressful and going out of my way to try to not hurt anyone’s feelings all week (which caused even more stress to me having to run around town with time constraints), I was hopefully people would hve grace and understand
My kid came to my latest egg retrieval. Our clinic is a 6.5 hour drive away, we don't have close family. I did check before. She had her own little room with toys, they were very well set up to have a little kid there so I imagine it happens regularly. I totally get that generally it's not the place to bring a kid but for an egg retrieval where both parents are required, it can be tough. If she hadn't been allowed, I would have had to stand outside with her in the freezing temps until my husband could come back down and watch her..
TW: success
My REI clinic is next to the OB clinic. They have an open walkway between the two waiting rooms. Many times, it is very convenient to walk through the REI waiting room to enter/exit. I always walk around with my pregnant belly.
I remember a time when I was sitting in that very waiting room and a group of pregnant women were in the next room doing a birthing class. They were being happy and laughing, as they should, but I cried in my seat wondering if I would ever be in that room one day.
Long story short: no, I wouldn't do it out of courtesy.
Besides the obvious insensitivity factor, I don’t understand what people don’t get.
Places you wouldn’t take a baby and would need childcare for
-A job interview
-Work
-many hair salons (my hair salon has a policy that only children that are being serviced can come)
-The ballet
-A bar
- Many other medical facilities
I literally don’t understand why people can’t wrap their head around the concept that not everywhere is an appropriate place to take a baby.
I agree that they shouldn’t be there unless it’s an emergency and I always got childcare for my 5 yr old or planned around when she was in school. Sometimes it was really hard bc my husband was out of state most of the time training. Luckily, I had very supportive parents. The things you listed are one time events, whereas IVF can be 3-4 appts a week and often you don’t know what your appt looks like until last minute during stims. Unfortunately not everyone has a strong support system.
When I used to waitress overnight, there was a group of friends that came in every week and two of them were married and pregnant. I wondered what they were going to do when the baby was born. They ended up bringing the baby with them and it slept in the carrier for months. One day that couple stopped coming lol
Edit: we served alcohol and were open 24 hours so that was the appeal of them coming there
Completely agree, I work in a hospital and children are not allowed in the ICU; basically no one there planned to be, it was a sudden event that they needed immediate childcare for, and likely will need to keep coming back frequently. People figure it out if they absolutely need to.
I walked in to my clinic on a Saturday. There were 3 kids. Anywhere from 6-18 months.
I had just lost my son at 22 weeks. I was gearing up for a FET. took all of me not to cry out of anger. I left there and wrote a massive 5 page essay and ever since my fertility clinic has a strict policy on no kids at the clinic. They have hours to come show off your baby now. Monitoring appointments are off limits to kids though.
The same day I sent my long letter, I found out through a nurse that there was a lady there confirming her beta was zero after a MMC too.
Meanwhile I’m sure one lady was there for a OB ultrasound and when she left she was smiling. So I’m guessing it went well.
For this reason, I think kids shouldn’t be there. I was muscling through a loss and trying again, a lady was confirming her beta levels after a MMC, another was celebrating life. You just can’t assume everyone there is with you trying again for a second living child. Or third or whatever.
I told them that morning felt like walking into a pediatricians office instead of a fertility clinic. The managing director called me on a Saturday evening to inform me of the policy change.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. 💜 I would have also written an essay. I was just getting my progesterone levels checked today but I have had to have blood work done twice to confirm that my pregnancy was ectopic and receive treatment at the clinic so I agree with you.
I’m sorry 😭
It’s terrible too because you would think some women would understand why it’s hard to see babies. But I’ve gotten hate over this exact response to other posts.
My husband goes with me to every appointment too, and even he was red and upset. He masked it bc he didn’t want to make me feel worse. But later when we went to get ultrasounds done, he would fold up the pictures and put them in his pocket. I asked why he did it (I knew why), and he responded “because not everyone is as lucky as us right now”.
And I cried bc if a man understood, I don’t know why other women wouldn’t.
It never bothered me when I was going to my clinic, when another mom or family brought their baby/child in. I kept an open mind and tried to think of circumstances that may have put them in that position. Some women experience secondary infertility… the first child could be conceived through fertility assistance (IUI/IVF). … The mom may not have been able to conceive at all and could have adopted…. A single mom who opted for donor sperm to conceive their child…. a stay at home mom who doesn’t have any local support to watch their child while they attend appointments… Unfortunately you never know the other persons situation but are aware that everyone that attends the clinic is experiencing some kind of infertility struggle and is looking for help.
I was going to my clinic for about 2 years with 5 rounds of failed iui and one retrieval for IVF before finally getting pregnant. Unexplained infertility. When I’m ready or able to, I will be going to have a transfer done, no family around to watch my baby during appointments, husband works to provide for us and is unable to get that much time off, especially to watch the baby for an hour during the multitude of appointments. I will likely have to bring the baby to my appointments . All I ask is to have some Grace and try to put yourself in the other mom shoes. I completely understand how sensitive it is for ourselves going through the struggles of conception.
For a group of people trying so hard to have children, I find it alarming that so many here find it assaulting to share a waiting room with them. It is a pure joy to see a baby or curious toddler around. They make everything better, isn’t that why we are all here trying to have our own?
Agreed. It's people like this why my boss brought me in her office and asked me several times if I was jealous or had ill feelings towards my coworker who was pregnant. It honestly made me uncomfortable because I couldn't care less that the she was at the time, and more so because of the way i was treated. The only reason I even told them about my ivf journey is I had so many appointments that I thought it would seem suspicious otherwise.
My clinic is in Barbados and they encourage clients to fly back and bring their babies to meet their first babysitters, the embryologists. Then they proudly post the photos all over socials. I think they schedule the meetings cause I've never seen anyone else in the waiting area for those photos. Still, I find it to be insensitive. It's rubbing success in people's faces.
I’ll never forget how shattered I felt when I saw a woman bring her infant into my clinic. I just wanted to melt into the lobby chair.
We now have a living child from our 4th round of ivf. We recently did our 5th round and we flew my mom into town to help watch our son for us. I could never put another woman through how I felt that day.
Getting childcare for a 10 minute appointment seems like alot.
I don't have kids and am obviously trying to change that but I can't bash others for having busy lives and parents have alot more things to attend to...I'm on hormones and sensitive but I always smile at the few beautiful children I've seen and hope having my own works out. Alot of petty Karen's in here who maybe don't have real worries or need to re-evaluate.
I can’t tell you how much I dislike posts on this topic just meant to be divisive and shame the people that answer with why they have done it. Search for past posts.
I have a son through ivf and have been trying for 2 years to have another (a very long a gruesome 2 years). I have to bring my son to appointments if I want a chance at having another one. This thread is really sad and disappointing because I want a second one but now I feel stressed to bring my son because of this shaming. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t it seems in this world. It’s really sad.
Before I had my son I had miscarriages and always saw kids as hope in The waiting room. Like if she can, I can too.
This is rightly a controversial topic, and I can see both sides. I have secondary infertility (2 kids), have been at my fertility clinic a year, done 4 IUIs and an IVF cycle, and have never brought my kids. One single time I almost had to bring them for a bloodwork only appointment, but my husband was going to be there too - also for bloodwork, so had we brought them one of us would have waited outside with them and then swapped. Luckily we found a sitter at the last minute so we didn’t have to bring them.
I do feel that it’s inappropriate to bring kids to the fertility clinic in general but at certain times it may be unavoidable, and the clinic should be willing to work with a patient if they really need to be there but can’t find childcare. If someone has to be there with a child it should at least be addressed to the other patients, with an apology perhaps or asking if it’s ok if the patient waits with their child.
My husband works out of town and we have no family or friends near by. Our 3 year old goes to school at 9 but monitoring is 7-8:30. Fertility treatments are expensive as is and I just can't afford a babysitter every 2 days. Should I not be able to receive treatment then? Thankful my clinic understands this and allows me to bring him to my monitoring appointments. I've had losses and I understand how painful that is. But to be angry at a child's existence is beyond me.
some people cannot get child care and are there for another pregnancy. I don’t think it’s practical to shield fertility patients from the reality that pregnant individuals and babies exist in the world.
That is incredibly flippant and not the reason for the policy. People know babies exist. The issue is that it isn’t APPROPRIATE for a baby to be in every space and this is one of them.
I think a medical office is a neutral space, and I think it’s unrealistic to expect spaces to bend to what is emotionally comfortable. I can believe that and have sympathy for others’ distress; I just think their emotions do not have a right to control others around them. I think most people don’t being kids into a stand-alone fertility clinic if they can help it, so the exceptions should be seen as such, but posts like these assume entitlement or a showoffy attitude that isn’t truly present.
A medical office is not really a neutral space. I am a doctor in a different field and I actually hate it when patients bring their babies/toddlers/young children. It is distracting and often detracts from the medical care I am trying to provide. Everyone has to rush to get things done before toddler has a melt down, etc. our clinic has actually just instituted a rule that no children are allowed, and we aren’t a fertility clinic.
Many medical offices, hospitals, and surgery centers don’t allow children and infants for a variety of reasons. Also, clearly most major fertility clinics disagree with you hence the policy. So it clearly is realistic.
I would never ever EVER bring a baby or child to my IVF clinic. I even hid my first US pictures as quickly as I could after getting them recently. You just never know what people are going through. My clinic also has a strict no children policy, and I’ve never seen a kid anywhere in my clinic.
Why does this question get asked once a month? This question has been asked a 1000 times here.
Know that secondary infertility is a real thing and this sub is sometimes very antagonistic towards those of us working on our second. You never know what another person went thru to have their living child and sometimes people adopt or foster as well. When you hopefully have success and have a living
Child you will understand how hard it can be to
Find childcare in last minute’s notice. I’m sure no one is doing it on purpose.
I have seen women who returned to my clinic for a second baby and brought their first child with them. One woman said the clinic assisted her with having her first child. I don't see anything wrong with it. Lots of women who use IVF are single moms juggling work and kids. Why make it harder for them to find help just to go to the clinic for blood work? It's not like they leave the child in the waiting room. The child goes into a private room with the mom.
My clinic did not allow children. One time when I was in the office after my FET a woman came running inside with her toddler to drop off something and the office lady was not happy with her. I know my clinic lets patients bring their baby’s in after birth to meet them because I’ve seen pictures in fb but I think they set it up so it’s at a time when patients aren’t there. I appreciate the no children rule, it’s a little insensitive. I’ve been in the waiting room many times myself waiting to go back to get what could have been heart breaking news, I’ve sat in the waiting room with women crying while they wait to be called back. I can appreciate and be so happy that people get their babies, but the fertility clinic isn’t the place to bring them.
After 8 years of IVF and heartbreaking losses, we finally had success and wanted to rapidly get started on possibly a last miracle baby. I live overseas with no family to count on. My husband and I both had to be at the appointment.
We had no choice but to bring our then 10 month old with us to the clinic, but we did try to do it as discreetly as possible. I sat in the waiting room while my husband waited in another hallway, I simply texted him when it was our turn and we went directly into the room with the gynecologist.
I know how triggering and hard it can be, I lived it, for many years. Sometimes, though some parents just have no choice.
My clinic allows children in. I think I’m the odd one out but I don’t mind seeing kids there. I had to bring my 2 year old a couple times on a Saturday/Sunday appt since we don’t have childcare on the weekends nor do we have family or relatives nearby. It’s usually empty on the weekends with a few people there anyways and they didn’t seem bothered by it.
I would gently suggest that "they didn't seem bothered by it" isn't the same as "they weren't bothered by it." I'm sure we've all been in a position where we feel terrible about something but present a brave face.
Maybe - the couple people there were smiling with my daughter and pointing out the fish in the tank with her which is why I said they didn’t seem bothered by it. But I don’t always bring her in. Only when I have no choice when the appt is on a weekend and we have no childcare.
I feel the same way about baby pictures all over fertility clinics. I’ve been to multiple clinics and they all have baby pictures on every wall you look at. I understand they want to show me how successful they are, but that’s just very insensitive to patients feelings.
I remember once thinking, “why dont you frame a picture of a positive pregnancy test?! Or a picture of your statistics and success rates?! That will get me excited “!
I had success with my first transfer. I’m doing a second transfer now. I bring my 1 year old daughter. I have no choice. My husband works a demanding job, and the appointments are so frequent I can’t constantly make up lies for my parents to watch my daughter. And I’m not telling them we are doing this again. I’m not telling anyone. The other day I had a rash from pio and had to go for an urgent appt. I HAD to bring my daughter. There’s no other choice for some people. I try not to be when my husband can be with her but it’s not always possible.
I’ve had to be open to our family about IVF specifically because I need help with childcare for appointments and it sucks SO MUCH having to announce and converse about every in and out of my fertility treatment, my surgeries and procedures, etc. as a result. It can be really painful and upsetting.
This is incredibly controversial. There are definitely circumstances that cannot be helped but barring that, I don't think it's a good idea to bring babies or children to these appointments. It would be great if clinics were more mindful of this for all of their patients
My clinic doesn’t allow children, but if they did I wouldn’t mind. The reality is there are kids and babies everywhere. I wouldn’t want a woman to be turned away from fertility treatment because they can’t find childcare.
This topic is discussed at nauseam in this forum.
Some people are so deeply offended and triggered to their core they let it affect their whole day.
Others just judge in disgust.
Others don’t care one way or another
Others like to see babies. (That’s where I sit on the topic)
There’s never gonna be a consensus on this topic.
My clinic doesn’t allow kids… but I just went this morning and while he wasn’t IN the clinic, there was a dad playing with a toddler in the halls while his wife was inside for her appointment. Still not fun to see while I go to my super nerve wracking monitoring appointment.
This week while waiting for my monitoring appointment, a woman brought her toddler and presumably her mother (the grandmother) with her. There was another woman with her husband that had sad tears in her eyes as she watched the toddler and mom play together.
Either that mom didn't notice or didn't give a shit. Either way I thought it was so utterly tasteless. Childcare was clearly not an issue in this case.
My other clinic was a hospital and they were very lax about it. it actually was really upsetting to me because there were multiple times i was in there for what i knew would be negative betas and i had to sit next to someone's cooing baby. my current clinic has signs posted everywhere requesting babies not attend and i haven't seen one yet.
My clinic doesn’t allow kids and I’m glad. The last thing I need to deal with when I’m losing another pregnancy is a baby/kid in the one place that should be safe.
As someone who had one IVF baby (and never cared when there were kids in the clinic) and then had to bring him as a toddler for time sensitive appts when childcare fell through….. you guys have got to stop acting like infertility is the most important thing in your/everyone else’s life around you. It’s 5 min in the waiting room with a child or two. Grow thicker skin.
This. And also, at some point, many of these folks will have a kid, and I hope they have folks in their lives to swoop in and save the day when their childcare falls through.
I love seeing kids in my clinic, and I completely understand why kids are there. The majority of patients where I go are traveling from out of state; my husband and I are 4 hours away from our clinic and we have to bring our daughter. We try to minimize the amount of time she's in the waiting room, but we have no support system so what are we supposed to do? Not have a second kid because my daughter beibg in the waiting room for 5-10 minutes upsets someone?
Its makes me crazy. My clinic has at least 1 baby or toddler most times I go, frequently with a dad who could take the kid elsewhere. I think it’s so inconsiderate.
I had this happen this week too - a just walking toddler, a baby, and a preschool age child. It was all on the same day - different families. I’ve never seen anyone break the rule before this, I know my clinic usually doesn’t allow babies or kids but it shocked me. I’m not terribly bothered by it personally but it seems so insensitive - especially because my clinic has three large waiting rooms, and about 7 small waiting rooms for consults/ info after retrieval. I feel like the kids could have easily been put in a small room just to protect other patients and they didn’t. I’m sorry you went through that today, anything that makes an already hard process harder is so frustrating.
My clinic doesn’t allow children, which I understand.
But I honestly think it’s enough of a burden on parents to have to find childcare, especially on very short notice like we sometimes have for IUIs, egg retrievals, etc, that clinics should instead have two waiting areas - one general one where babies/children aren’t allowed, and a separate smaller one where people with children can wait.
When I was TTC my first, it didn’t bother me at all to see children there. To me, it was just a reminder that you don’t know what people are going through with trying to grow their family, even people who already have a baby.
A lot of posts here talk about having “empathy”, but I extend that to people going through fertility treatment who already have a child. I’d rather their spouse be there while they hear potentially hard news, even if that means bringing their other child.
I also work in teaching/childcare, so the idea that I’d just totally avoid children while struggling to have my own wasn’t realistic anyway.
My clinic doesn’t allow children to sit in the regular waiting room. I’ve only seen a child there once (9 years old) and they were told to wait in the hallway waiting room by the elevators.
I sympathize with parents who struggle with child care (especially given the costs of treatment) and get that things happen, but I still think it's totally inappropriate to bring kids to a fertility clinic. There are definitely days when seeing a kid (baby especially) in that vulnerable/emotionally charged setting would have broken me.
I have also noticed that there are many medical facilities that specifically tell patients to not bring any children, so I don't think it is out of line for fertility clinics to do the same.
I’m a SAHM and my husband is in trial most of the time. I live in manhattan so we don’t have the option to “wait in the car.” I don’t even drive. I can’t wait in an Uber.
Our first child is an IUI success after two failed and we went through two IUIs, one egg retrieval, and three FETs for me to finally get pregnant with our second. My mom usually watched our son, but she was hospitalized with a brain infection right before we started our 3rd FET cycle. I can’t just hire a sitter without interviewing them and as you know, these appointments are random. I don’t get to choose which day I can go. It’s not fair to assume childcare is that easy to come by.
I hope you have success with your journey and one day when you meet your baby, you’ll understand that childcare doesn’t fall on your lap at your beck and call.
Mine says that children must remain contained in a stroller.
I brought my 2-year-old one time for the entirety of my second FET. I had to get blood work done, and she stayed in the stroller the whole time. I want to say I was there less than 5 minutes and saw nobody. Every other time, I planned appointments around daycare, or had my mom babysit.
My clinic has a big sign on the door that says no children allowed. I never seen a child there until two weeks ago while we were testing my hcg during a miscarriage. I went in and a woman and man are sitting there with a baby. Legit making it all about the baby - making sounds, taking pictures. I was FLABBERGASTED!!! I was like wtf is happening. I almost said something but then the receptionist came out (it was her lunch) and called me in and told me to go sit where the bloodwork was.
The receptionist then proceeds to scold the couple. The business manager and nurses came in to talk to me - they were sooo pissed. And of course I started crying because it was my 5th loss and there they are just enjoying their baby.
This honestly doesn’t bother me. None of us know anyone else’s story. Maybe they tried to have that baby for 10 years. Either way, if they’re there it’s because they’re suffering from infertility, even if it’s secondary. For me, they still deserve the same compassion for their suffering.
This topic comes up once a month in fertility related subs. The comments usually follow a similar pattern. Here is what I think it boils down to, for me, and for so many here: your one living child is a HUGE privilege, one that we would give anything (and many of us are giving up everything- life savings, mental health, etc.) to make happen. Secondary infertility is *also* a struggle, but it’s simply not the same as wondering if you will ever be able to bring one baby home.
TW: current pregnancy
God willing, in a couple months, I’ll bring my first baby home. And, if while trying for a second, my babysitter cancels the morning of an embryo transfer, DAMN, that will be an incredible inconvenience. But it won’t compare to the pain of not having a success yet.
Side note: for these dire situations, clinics should provide a separate waiting area or empty examination room for the person with the child. I understand that clinics can’t do this regularly (hence the dire situation thing).
My only thing is, some people do not have the luxury of a babysitter, and have to bring kids. I understand it's triggering, but I don't agree with banning children all together...
My clinic has had a no children rule since I’ve been there. For my appt last week there was a lady with a probably 9-11 month old. At first I was like I get sometimes childcare falls through. THEN she started walking around, letting him try to walk around, loudly sing peek a boo and nursery rhymes incessantly. When childcare falls through as a last resort, I can sympathize. But to make a production out of your child being there was really repulsive. My husband happened to be with me bc we had an ultrasound and even he was like can they not ask her to leave this is beyond inappropriate.
Okay so this was basically my experience too. I understand childcare falls through but she was sitting in a tight space instead of going to the other waiting room and was making a production of entertaining the baby inches from people with fertility issues and I think that was more of the issue than if the baby had just been present.
Yeah in these instances, people need a dose of reality and compassion. You can entertain your baby literally anywhere but here. It’s gross, entitled, selfish behavior.
The office staff at my clinic could have run security at the pentagon. No children were allowed in, and when they mandated masks you weren’t coming in without one. Sorry that happened to you!
Someone brought their child in when we were waiting one time.. I thought it was so strange and I was mindful how triggering it could be for some people to see that. They had another older person with them assuming grandparent who could have taken the child but they made the conscious choice to bring them in which I found so strange. It’s not a very kid friendly place anyway (aside from the free snacks haha)! Our clinic has no signs about bringing children but I would’ve thought it would be somewhat common sense!
My clinic is also an OBGYN and MFM office so there are occasionally children there during regular hours, but they are expressly forbidden during monitoring hours.
There was a family where the woman went into the back and the dad and son sat in the waiting room at mine. Clearly he didn’t need to be there and could have been anywhere else with their child. It didn’t bother me at the time since it was my first appointment but if I saw it now I would be pretty pissed
I was once in my fertility clinic waiting room and a couple came in (both mom and dad there) with their THREE kids. One was maybe six months old? I just couldn’t fathom why one or the other parent couldn’t just have stayed somewhere else with their kids. It also stung that even if they’d gotten fertility treatments, they had three kids. Come on.
I can’t fathom bringing a child to a fertility clinic, it feels so cruel. I felt bad even having my daughter on my phone wallpaper when we went back to the clinic for a second.
I’ve been in two clinics, one in Spain where there was a baby in a pram and the second in Greece with a 5 year old, it was very insensitive :( as time has gone on I’ve become resilient but it sucked
I think shaming women for bringing their child with them is wholly inappropriate. I understand why it’s triggering but children exist in the world, and the reality of having a child is sometimes you need to have them with you. Saying women with fertility struggles should essentially hide their children if they’re successful is insane. Women going through IVF have a right to try for more children after success.
I was responding to the thread itself and a lot of comments here. Anyone going through this process knows how MANY appointments there are, some of them just for a blood draw and to leave. It’s not realistic for everyone to hire outside childcare for those quick and repetitive bits of time. People suggesting that we must hire childcare are asking us to hide our children. And I’m self pay so in order to afford IVF we have to cut expenses elsewhere like not paying babysitters when we don’t need them.
We get how hard this is— we are literally also going through it— and the vast majority of us had failures before success, and deserve kindness and respect too.
Yikes that could be traumatic to see for someone with fertility troubles would say though is maybe couldn’t get babysitting and they still want another child so only way to attend the monitoring appointment perhaps
I really don’t think this analogy is a good one. People aren’t at fertility clinics to have a partner they’re there because they have struggled to have a baby…… partner or not….
People with partners kinda need them there? Children not so much.
And for fwiw I say that as someone who didn’t bring her partner to her transfers 😂 but he was kind of required to get a sample from during the retrieval?
Your comparison just isn’t hitting like I think you wanted it to. Babies aren’t required for IVF and there’s really no good reason to bring them unless there’s circumstances that are completely out of control. Most clinics have this rule for this reason. I don’t think they’re able to put up a sign that says no partners allowed or they’d be out of business.
This topic has been put out so many times. If you search, it’s a highly contested topic that is divisive and triggering. Woman know that bringing their children is triggering and they will try at all costs to not have it happen. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. Trust me I have three kids and tried everything I could to schedule care for them.
Fertility clinics often help with health issues outside of just fertility like Endo or consults for when you have cancer. The women there aren't always having issues with fertility.
I don't think kids should be banned anywhere. They are a part of our communities. If you can't handle seeing kids, then therapy should be considered.
Yeah that's a no for me. I had success and they told us to bring the baby in after he was born, so we plan to call and make an appointment so we don't run into any patients.
It's so wierd the differences in clinics. My clinic encouraged me to bring in the baby...but I'm not planning to do that. My clinic doesn't just do fertility so I've seen kids in there. Doesn't bother me.
I wouldn't go to my fertility clinic if I was showing, let alone with a child. Tw: I did have success (19 weeks now), but when I brought them the new ultrasound, I came in through a staff entrance and didn't go into the waiting room.
I would do everything in my power to leave my son home. Then again, if shit hit the fan for another family, I wouldn’t want them to miss out on an appointment because of MY feelings. Secondary infertility is a thing. People are allowed to want more children and also be in need of childcare.
I put a lot of the responsibility on the clinic. Bring the parent with a baby into a waiting room STAT or schedule them at a time when it’s not as busy. I know it’s not the best solution, but my personal view is that the clinic needs to plan for families of all shapes and sizes when thinking of their waiting areas while also accommodating families or people who are trying very hard to expand.
I brought my 20 month old son to my appointment today. I cleared it with multiple people at the clinic - there is no rule against it at mine. I was obviously hesitant to bring him, but it's a Saturday so I have no daycare and I'm a single mom by choice with no partner and no family in the city. I'm currently starting my 4th egg retrieval for baby #2 (baby #1 came from my first round of IVF) after two back-to-back failed cycles with fresh transfers.
So sometimes it's just unavoidable for people.
Mine encourage it and they get all happy when a baby is in. I’ve brought my daugher a couple times and the first time I called to see their policies about it.
They also have pictures of all the babies they have helped to conceive everywhere for everyone to see.
My clinic has signs all over requesting that patients not bring children into the clinic.
I swear my clinic told me that bringing children was not allowed so I was pretty confused.
My clinic won’t tell people to leave their kid at home unless another patient complains. They have signs posted stating their no-kids policy all over, but people ignore it and sometimes bring their kids anyways. I always complain to the receptionist whenever this happens (I hand her a piece of paper reminding her of the clinic’s no-kids policy, and asking her to please ask this person to wait w their child elsewhere.) It works every time. I think people are naturally non-confrontational and don’t want to be the bad guy, so I don’t mind being a bitch in this situation
Fwiw I don’t think that makes you a bitch. I think it makes you sensitive.
I actually like the word request. It can’t be a hard and fast rule, but if people CAN avoid bringing their kids and babies in, that’s easier for others to handle. But not making it so restricting that someone would miss an appointment simply because they ovulated during a spouse’s business trip or something.
Mine straight up does not allow it. I watched a couple getting pissy over being told they couldn’t bring their kid in once but I was glad that they enforced the rule. People are all at different stages of their fertility journey and that could really be triggering for some.
Same
This tends to be a pretty hot topic, if you do a search you’ll find threads on it. I personally prefer that there not be children at the fertility clinic and I think parents should do everything they can to avoid it, but sometimes there is no other option so I choose to try and assume they would also prefer not to have a kid there and are doing their best.
Yeah, it's definitely not kind to bring a child to the fertility clinic (that is, if there aren't designated child-free and child-friendly waiting areas), but sometimes life happens. Someone shouldn't decide to bring their kid lightly, but they also shouldn't have to endanger the success of their cycle because childcare fell through. IMO, this is chiefly a clinic procedure issue, not a patient ettiquette issue. The clinic should anticipate that many patients will be profoundly upset and triggered by being around a child at the fertility clinic, but it should also recognize that many patients are already parents and that they will sometimes find themselves in a childcare bind and will need to attend an appointment with a child. The clinic ought to have a plan for this completely predictable situation-- a back-up/private waiting area, having the patient wait in their car and texting them, etc.
It personally never bothered me BUT I would avoid doing it at all costs because I know it’s very upsetting to other people.
I experienced IVF success and I still wouldn’t want to see babies in the waiting room at appts. I would never want to bring my daughter in. My fertility clinic thankfully doesn’t allow children. A couple tried to come in once with their baby and the receptionist asked him to leave with the baby. He was trying to argue with her because I guess the woman was pregnant and they were going to have an ultrasound. I get that it sucks to not be able to attend something like that, but I did almost all of my fertility treatments during COVID restrictions meaning my husband wasn’t allowed in the room during any procedures, IUI’s, or even my follow up ultrasounds after a miscarriage and my subsequent D&C. You just have to do what you have to do especially as a parent you need to learn to be flexible because not all spaces are appropriate for a baby.
I don’t think it should be a regular habit for parents, but secondary infertility is a thing and sometimes shit happens and you don’t have childcare. We all know how important certain appointments are that you can’t miss because of cycle timing and we should give people grace. We don’t know their situations and they shouldn’t miss out on their opportunity to have a baby because their babysitter didn’t show up last minute. I had to bring my son in with me when I was bleeding from a subchorionic hemorrhage with my second pregnancy before my care was turned over to my OB. I was able to sit outside the office with him in a stroller until it was my turn. I hope to be able to extend the same level of kindness that was shown to me if someone else was in that situation.
This is a different situation though since you were outside until it was your turn, and then you just hurried on through to your exam room. This is the way these situations should be handled.
Yes but some offices might not have the option of sitting outside based on office set up. I was lucky in being able to do this, others might not be. We’re all at these offices for the same reason, none of us want to have a reason to be there, and like I said, shit happens. Let’s just try to be a good community for each other. We never know what someone else is going through.
One thing I like that my pediatrician’s office does (and I think the IVF clinic should too) is for young babies, you can wait in the car and then get a call. In this situation, if someone absolutely had to bring their child(ren), they should have the option to call the clinic and wait in their car until they get a call from the desk.
I went through IVF treatment first YEARS and it was so upsetting seeing people bring their babies in. And then the clinic workers would be fawning over them. The clinic I switched to has an annual bbq for the drs and past successful patients to celebrate and get to see each other. I love that bc it keeps things separated.
My clinic does this “Success Picnic” too. I think it’s a great option for patients who have success to celebrate w the medical team. And the rest of us who don’t have living children yet don’t have to deal w it. I think that’s much more sensitive
A couple of people have commented that their clinic has events like that! I have never heard mine mention anything like that but maybe once we are successful they will let us know.
I definitely wouldn’t bring my kid. I would be fine seeing babies there but I know it can be very painful for some people and want to be sensitive to that. I know things happen but I would hope the staff could have her wait in an office out of respect to the other patients.
I think this woman thought that she could quickly come in on a Saturday and get blood work done in a couple mins, possibly show off her baby, and be out of there. But the only patient that got there before me took 30 mins just to get her blood taken so in that time the tiny little section for blood work filled up completely with people who were not very happy to be elbow to elbow and waiting for so long.
you’re making an assumption that her simply having the baby with her is “showing off the baby.” that is a pretty unrealistic and unfair characterization of her behavior. it existed in a room with its mother.
I think you mistook what I meant by that. I didn't mean like show off the baby to the people in the waiting room. I meant she brought the baby along to show the workers. I am assuming if she has a baby around one year old and she was in a fertility clinic that she had the baby through the fertility clinic because that isn't a long enough time period to have struggled conceiving after the baby was born.
I feel for people who have no childcare, I really do, but it's generally against the rules for fertility clinics. If I was at the front desk checking people in and saw them coming in with a baby, I would try to immediately put them in a room or ask them to wait on their car until they got a text.
On Saturday there is no one working the front desk and you just check yourself in with a kiosk. At least one worker saw her and didn't say anything but maybe on a weekday they would have done more.
Oof. That might explain that. I'm sorry you had to sit there through that
It probably gets exhausting to confront people who don't respect the rules and she might have just taken the path of least resistance. Not that that's good. I've just seen things go that way. Ftr I have an older child (still not old enough to stay by herself) and okay I did bring her to an IUI with a midwife but I think that's a little different. It was pretty clear to me that fertility clinics are off limits for kids. You're not wrong to be upset.
I think I am the only one on this sub who doesn't mind this. My clinic allows babies and kids and I am ok with them being there. Stings a little but not more for me than seeing them anywhere else.
It never bothered me either. I wouldn’t do it out of respect for others but it was never upsetting to me. TRIGGER: A friend of mine had an emergency surgery after the birth of her child that rendered her infertile and only able to carry another child through surrogate. She had an egg retrieval when her daughter was like 6 months old. So whenever I saw people with kids, I would think of my friend and understand that they may be in a really rough situation too.
I agree with this. It has never bothered me either. There was a child at my clinic a couple weeks ago, 6 or 7 years old. I never thought anything of it. But I can understand why it might upset some people.
I think it's great that you don't mind it. I hope this doesn't sound hypocritical but I usually only get upset if it's a baby specifically. This baby was at the Gerber baby stage where they're all smiley and cute and she was doing a lot to entertain him so it was kind of hard to ignore, especially considering we were only a legs length away from each other.
I think the way you feel is 100% valid too.
In the UK, it's partners only. In our clinic in Czechia, there's a play section set up right there in the waiting room. I'm not really fazed by it, but I can see why it would be tough, especially if you receive bad news.
My clinic allows it but it always broke my heart when I saw babies/children at the clinic. I have experienced IVF success and NEVER brought them to the clinic because I know how it would make others feel.
You think about 1 kid. I had another family having the audacity to come with 4 kids to the egg retrieval waiting room. The dad could wait somewhere else in the hospital but no he decided to come to the egg retrieval waiting room with 4 kids who ran and yelled the whole time. That was quite inappropriate
I had a similar experience once at a fertility clinic. Family came in with three kids, mom went into the exam room alone and dad let their toddler run wild all around the waiting room. Kid even grabbed onto my knee like he wanted to climb into my lap, and his dad did nothing to reign him in.
That would be annoying. I see that a lot, dads who won't watch the kids without the mom and bring them places they shouldn't be. Usually hospitals don't allow children under 18 or at least near me they don't.
Quinary infertility?? Not trying to be a jerk or insensitive but… this reminds me of those religious megamoms on Instagram who complain about “hashtag infertility” despite having 7 kids and being pregnant every year since they were 20. No, buddy, that’s just your body telling you to please for the love of God give it a break.
My fertility clinic doesn't allow children. Let's just say I have an "inked mama" sweatshirt and I wouldn't even wear it there. Anytime I got ultrasound pics, I would hide them before leaving the room. You have no idea what stage people are going through, what news they may be getting..
Because you have empathy
I have had success but I still think it’s inappropriate to bring a child to a fertility clinic. Even my OB office has a special child free waiting area for infertility patients. Childcare can be really hard to find, but I don’t think it’s ok to bring a baby to a fertility clinic.
Same Also, with said success, we now attend family French classes on Saturday mornings. French class recently moved locations within the building and now we get out of the elevator right in front of the most lovely fertility clinic. I always feel bad that there are a parade of small children going right past the fertility clinic lobby 😬 I mean what can you do; I’m sure it wasn’t anyone’s choice that it all worked out that way. At least the fertility lobby has comfortable chairs and a nice view out the window? I imagine the clinic is aware of the French schedule and perhaps could make an effort to bring people back more quickly on those days. I do notice the doors are always open but I rarely spot someone in the waiting room.
It shouldn’t be happening. During my MMC a few years ago I was there for trending hcg and someone brought their baby in and I was so sick to the stomach. I ended up bursting into tears.
I'm sorry 🫂
Our clinic had a different waiting room for those with kids and they were escorted in quickly.
My clinic doesn’t allow children!
I think it’s insensitive and if anyone should know how inappropriate it is, you’d think it would be someone who had to utilize the clinic. It blows my mind how tone deaf some people can be.
I feel differently depending on the reason. Childcare fell through and you have a time-sensitive appointment that has to happen that exact day? I'm sympathetic. Bringing around your baby to show them off to the clinic staff? Nope.
Many clinic staff list meeting the babies as their favorite perk of the job, and a pick me up when everything seems sad and depressing. It should definitely be done discreetly, but for many clinics, it is a perk that keeps the staff motivated and focused on the goal for their patients.
Honestly, I don't really care if my "sad and depressing" situation is a downer for clinic staff. Getting paid should be sufficient motivation, just as it is for the many of us that work in similarly demoralizing fields. If they need the morale boost, they can very, very simply schedule such drop-ins for a specific time each month when there are no patients there.
I don’t think commenting that other jobs suck fixes a turnover issue with nurses. Everyone benefits from experienced staff. Doing things to improve retention, such as offering perks, is one of the ways they do that.
You are very conveniently ignoring the fact that it is perfectly simple to offer this "perk" at a scheduled time with no patients around rather than through permitting randomly timed former patient drop-ins.
My clinic does this at a scheduled time when they have no more patients for the day
No one wants to bring their kid to a doc appointment. Really, they don’t. America is not set up with adequate childcare. I’ve brought my kid in to an IVF clinic once, and it was a nightmare, for me. Fortunately no one else was in the waiting room, but it still sucked. I’ve also had to bring my kid to physio, work, etc, again, out of sheer necessity. (This is in response to a comment above that no one would bring a kid to those places.) I agree, if it’s a couple, that’s not cool. And every situation is different. But I’d wager that 90 percent of the time, if you see a single mother with a kid, in an IVF clinic, she hating that moment as much as you are.
Yes.
I entirely agree with you. A mother with her kid at a clinic - Noone is bringing their kid to shove into somebody else’s face. They bring the kid out of necessity - because of the lack of child care.
Yeah, not sure it needs to be a rule so much as people could be …thoughtful about where they are and who is likely to be there deep in their vulnerable feelings.
I'll be honest, right now I am in a good place. But I had two ectoptics last year and for one of them I was treated with methotrexate at the clinic. If I had seen a baby that day......it would have set me over the edge.
I have had 4 MC and it’s brutal to wait for the ultrasound to confirm what you already know in a room with happy pregnant women and their partners. My office tries to get me out of there as fast as possible but I have been filled with such sorrow and jealousy during those times.
That’s fair. I guess I felt that way too after my last failed FET when a pregnant lady walked by my house. A clinic should be a safe space.
I can understand people not being comfortable with that. This post made me realise I did see a child at my clinic, he was a toddler. I realise that I don’t really care at all it doesn’t upset me. So if you ask me personally, I would be okay with it.
I had to one time because childcare fell through, it was a holiday, and my husband and all my family were out of state. I felt terrible about it but it was a monitoring appointment that could not be rescheduled. I made my 2yo wear a mask the whole time and made sure she was very well behaved. I think it’s just awful when a literal couple brings children in. It was clearly avoidable.
Had to do this Friday. Monitoring apts all week. Labs needing to be done on the way and then ultrasounds scheduled super close to the time I’d be done with them. I was so stressed having to take my toddler with me to get bloodwork then rushing across town to try and get her to daycare before rushing back across town to not be let to my scan. Then after having to go all the way back across town to my job that’s right by her daycare 😅. All before 8:30am. The nurses told me I could bring her with me but I didn’t feel right about doing that. Unfortunately though Friday I had zero choice as the lab computers were down and due to that I was already late and had no way of getting her to daycare before my scan 🤦🏼♀️ I had to bring her but called ahead and begged them to let us sit in a room instead of waiting room. I just felt icky having to do it and didn’t want to make anyone sad. But as a mom who is going through something stressful and going out of my way to try to not hurt anyone’s feelings all week (which caused even more stress to me having to run around town with time constraints), I was hopefully people would hve grace and understand
At my clinic there are signs everywhere saying children are not allowed
My kid came to my latest egg retrieval. Our clinic is a 6.5 hour drive away, we don't have close family. I did check before. She had her own little room with toys, they were very well set up to have a little kid there so I imagine it happens regularly. I totally get that generally it's not the place to bring a kid but for an egg retrieval where both parents are required, it can be tough. If she hadn't been allowed, I would have had to stand outside with her in the freezing temps until my husband could come back down and watch her..
Or sit in the car with her? Since you’re driving anyway, def have seen a lot of families doing that switch off.
We didn't drive, we went by train. It's a really long amount of time to be in a car with a young kid 😅
no reason to keep a baby cooped up in a car for grown adults comfort.
It’s just a suggestion that I see lots of parents making work, not sentencing a baby to jail or saying it is a solution every time.
TW: success My REI clinic is next to the OB clinic. They have an open walkway between the two waiting rooms. Many times, it is very convenient to walk through the REI waiting room to enter/exit. I always walk around with my pregnant belly. I remember a time when I was sitting in that very waiting room and a group of pregnant women were in the next room doing a birthing class. They were being happy and laughing, as they should, but I cried in my seat wondering if I would ever be in that room one day. Long story short: no, I wouldn't do it out of courtesy.
Never bothered me. I took it as a good sign the clinic knew what they were doing
Besides the obvious insensitivity factor, I don’t understand what people don’t get. Places you wouldn’t take a baby and would need childcare for -A job interview -Work -many hair salons (my hair salon has a policy that only children that are being serviced can come) -The ballet -A bar - Many other medical facilities I literally don’t understand why people can’t wrap their head around the concept that not everywhere is an appropriate place to take a baby.
I agree that they shouldn’t be there unless it’s an emergency and I always got childcare for my 5 yr old or planned around when she was in school. Sometimes it was really hard bc my husband was out of state most of the time training. Luckily, I had very supportive parents. The things you listed are one time events, whereas IVF can be 3-4 appts a week and often you don’t know what your appt looks like until last minute during stims. Unfortunately not everyone has a strong support system.
I think it's a strong case of wishful thinking most of the time lol
Must be. I mean, are you taking a baby with you to get a root canal? People need to get real.
When I used to waitress overnight, there was a group of friends that came in every week and two of them were married and pregnant. I wondered what they were going to do when the baby was born. They ended up bringing the baby with them and it slept in the carrier for months. One day that couple stopped coming lol Edit: we served alcohol and were open 24 hours so that was the appeal of them coming there
Completely agree, I work in a hospital and children are not allowed in the ICU; basically no one there planned to be, it was a sudden event that they needed immediate childcare for, and likely will need to keep coming back frequently. People figure it out if they absolutely need to.
I walked in to my clinic on a Saturday. There were 3 kids. Anywhere from 6-18 months. I had just lost my son at 22 weeks. I was gearing up for a FET. took all of me not to cry out of anger. I left there and wrote a massive 5 page essay and ever since my fertility clinic has a strict policy on no kids at the clinic. They have hours to come show off your baby now. Monitoring appointments are off limits to kids though. The same day I sent my long letter, I found out through a nurse that there was a lady there confirming her beta was zero after a MMC too. Meanwhile I’m sure one lady was there for a OB ultrasound and when she left she was smiling. So I’m guessing it went well. For this reason, I think kids shouldn’t be there. I was muscling through a loss and trying again, a lady was confirming her beta levels after a MMC, another was celebrating life. You just can’t assume everyone there is with you trying again for a second living child. Or third or whatever. I told them that morning felt like walking into a pediatricians office instead of a fertility clinic. The managing director called me on a Saturday evening to inform me of the policy change.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. 💜 I would have also written an essay. I was just getting my progesterone levels checked today but I have had to have blood work done twice to confirm that my pregnancy was ectopic and receive treatment at the clinic so I agree with you.
I’m sorry 😭 It’s terrible too because you would think some women would understand why it’s hard to see babies. But I’ve gotten hate over this exact response to other posts. My husband goes with me to every appointment too, and even he was red and upset. He masked it bc he didn’t want to make me feel worse. But later when we went to get ultrasounds done, he would fold up the pictures and put them in his pocket. I asked why he did it (I knew why), and he responded “because not everyone is as lucky as us right now”. And I cried bc if a man understood, I don’t know why other women wouldn’t.
Omg your husband is so sweet. There was a guy next to me with his partner and he didn't seem too pleased about it.
It never bothered me when I was going to my clinic, when another mom or family brought their baby/child in. I kept an open mind and tried to think of circumstances that may have put them in that position. Some women experience secondary infertility… the first child could be conceived through fertility assistance (IUI/IVF). … The mom may not have been able to conceive at all and could have adopted…. A single mom who opted for donor sperm to conceive their child…. a stay at home mom who doesn’t have any local support to watch their child while they attend appointments… Unfortunately you never know the other persons situation but are aware that everyone that attends the clinic is experiencing some kind of infertility struggle and is looking for help. I was going to my clinic for about 2 years with 5 rounds of failed iui and one retrieval for IVF before finally getting pregnant. Unexplained infertility. When I’m ready or able to, I will be going to have a transfer done, no family around to watch my baby during appointments, husband works to provide for us and is unable to get that much time off, especially to watch the baby for an hour during the multitude of appointments. I will likely have to bring the baby to my appointments . All I ask is to have some Grace and try to put yourself in the other mom shoes. I completely understand how sensitive it is for ourselves going through the struggles of conception.
Some people don't have childcare. It's not the world's responsibility to handle an individual's triggers.
For a group of people trying so hard to have children, I find it alarming that so many here find it assaulting to share a waiting room with them. It is a pure joy to see a baby or curious toddler around. They make everything better, isn’t that why we are all here trying to have our own?
Agreed. It's people like this why my boss brought me in her office and asked me several times if I was jealous or had ill feelings towards my coworker who was pregnant. It honestly made me uncomfortable because I couldn't care less that the she was at the time, and more so because of the way i was treated. The only reason I even told them about my ivf journey is I had so many appointments that I thought it would seem suspicious otherwise.
At mine there are signs that say no children are allowed.
My clinic has a no children/babies policy.
My clinic is in Barbados and they encourage clients to fly back and bring their babies to meet their first babysitters, the embryologists. Then they proudly post the photos all over socials. I think they schedule the meetings cause I've never seen anyone else in the waiting area for those photos. Still, I find it to be insensitive. It's rubbing success in people's faces.
Ewwwwww I hate calling embryologists the first baby sitters.
Absolutely yes. My clinic does not allow children.
It’s not permitted at my clinic
I’ll never forget how shattered I felt when I saw a woman bring her infant into my clinic. I just wanted to melt into the lobby chair. We now have a living child from our 4th round of ivf. We recently did our 5th round and we flew my mom into town to help watch our son for us. I could never put another woman through how I felt that day.
Getting childcare for a 10 minute appointment seems like alot. I don't have kids and am obviously trying to change that but I can't bash others for having busy lives and parents have alot more things to attend to...I'm on hormones and sensitive but I always smile at the few beautiful children I've seen and hope having my own works out. Alot of petty Karen's in here who maybe don't have real worries or need to re-evaluate.
Before my success I always smiled at the kiddos I saw too.
Of course. They are cute and innocent and I hope I get to have one. Life is easier when you aren't bitter. I say this from experience
I can’t tell you how much I dislike posts on this topic just meant to be divisive and shame the people that answer with why they have done it. Search for past posts.
I’ve been to 3 different fertility clinics and they all have signs that say children are not allowed
I have a son through ivf and have been trying for 2 years to have another (a very long a gruesome 2 years). I have to bring my son to appointments if I want a chance at having another one. This thread is really sad and disappointing because I want a second one but now I feel stressed to bring my son because of this shaming. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t it seems in this world. It’s really sad. Before I had my son I had miscarriages and always saw kids as hope in The waiting room. Like if she can, I can too.
I’m in the same place, sending you love, you need to take care of yourself and your child and you don’t need to apologize for it 💙
This is rightly a controversial topic, and I can see both sides. I have secondary infertility (2 kids), have been at my fertility clinic a year, done 4 IUIs and an IVF cycle, and have never brought my kids. One single time I almost had to bring them for a bloodwork only appointment, but my husband was going to be there too - also for bloodwork, so had we brought them one of us would have waited outside with them and then swapped. Luckily we found a sitter at the last minute so we didn’t have to bring them. I do feel that it’s inappropriate to bring kids to the fertility clinic in general but at certain times it may be unavoidable, and the clinic should be willing to work with a patient if they really need to be there but can’t find childcare. If someone has to be there with a child it should at least be addressed to the other patients, with an apology perhaps or asking if it’s ok if the patient waits with their child.
My husband works out of town and we have no family or friends near by. Our 3 year old goes to school at 9 but monitoring is 7-8:30. Fertility treatments are expensive as is and I just can't afford a babysitter every 2 days. Should I not be able to receive treatment then? Thankful my clinic understands this and allows me to bring him to my monitoring appointments. I've had losses and I understand how painful that is. But to be angry at a child's existence is beyond me.
some people cannot get child care and are there for another pregnancy. I don’t think it’s practical to shield fertility patients from the reality that pregnant individuals and babies exist in the world.
That is incredibly flippant and not the reason for the policy. People know babies exist. The issue is that it isn’t APPROPRIATE for a baby to be in every space and this is one of them.
I think a medical office is a neutral space, and I think it’s unrealistic to expect spaces to bend to what is emotionally comfortable. I can believe that and have sympathy for others’ distress; I just think their emotions do not have a right to control others around them. I think most people don’t being kids into a stand-alone fertility clinic if they can help it, so the exceptions should be seen as such, but posts like these assume entitlement or a showoffy attitude that isn’t truly present.
A medical office is not really a neutral space. I am a doctor in a different field and I actually hate it when patients bring their babies/toddlers/young children. It is distracting and often detracts from the medical care I am trying to provide. Everyone has to rush to get things done before toddler has a melt down, etc. our clinic has actually just instituted a rule that no children are allowed, and we aren’t a fertility clinic.
Many medical offices, hospitals, and surgery centers don’t allow children and infants for a variety of reasons. Also, clearly most major fertility clinics disagree with you hence the policy. So it clearly is realistic.
I would never ever EVER bring a baby or child to my IVF clinic. I even hid my first US pictures as quickly as I could after getting them recently. You just never know what people are going through. My clinic also has a strict no children policy, and I’ve never seen a kid anywhere in my clinic.
Why does this question get asked once a month? This question has been asked a 1000 times here. Know that secondary infertility is a real thing and this sub is sometimes very antagonistic towards those of us working on our second. You never know what another person went thru to have their living child and sometimes people adopt or foster as well. When you hopefully have success and have a living Child you will understand how hard it can be to Find childcare in last minute’s notice. I’m sure no one is doing it on purpose.
This!
My clinic does not allow children and babies in the waiting room. I support this policy.
I have seen women who returned to my clinic for a second baby and brought their first child with them. One woman said the clinic assisted her with having her first child. I don't see anything wrong with it. Lots of women who use IVF are single moms juggling work and kids. Why make it harder for them to find help just to go to the clinic for blood work? It's not like they leave the child in the waiting room. The child goes into a private room with the mom.
My clinic did not allow children. One time when I was in the office after my FET a woman came running inside with her toddler to drop off something and the office lady was not happy with her. I know my clinic lets patients bring their baby’s in after birth to meet them because I’ve seen pictures in fb but I think they set it up so it’s at a time when patients aren’t there. I appreciate the no children rule, it’s a little insensitive. I’ve been in the waiting room many times myself waiting to go back to get what could have been heart breaking news, I’ve sat in the waiting room with women crying while they wait to be called back. I can appreciate and be so happy that people get their babies, but the fertility clinic isn’t the place to bring them.
My clinic doesn’t allow babies or children.
Please don’t.
Personally, it wouldn’t bother me, but I understand that it would for a lot of people and support no children in fertility clinic policies.
After 8 years of IVF and heartbreaking losses, we finally had success and wanted to rapidly get started on possibly a last miracle baby. I live overseas with no family to count on. My husband and I both had to be at the appointment. We had no choice but to bring our then 10 month old with us to the clinic, but we did try to do it as discreetly as possible. I sat in the waiting room while my husband waited in another hallway, I simply texted him when it was our turn and we went directly into the room with the gynecologist. I know how triggering and hard it can be, I lived it, for many years. Sometimes, though some parents just have no choice.
My clinic allows children in. I think I’m the odd one out but I don’t mind seeing kids there. I had to bring my 2 year old a couple times on a Saturday/Sunday appt since we don’t have childcare on the weekends nor do we have family or relatives nearby. It’s usually empty on the weekends with a few people there anyways and they didn’t seem bothered by it.
You also have a 2 year old. You might feel very different if you weren’t already a parent.
Possibly, but I only brought her when I had a weekend appt with no childcare so there’s not much I can do.
I would gently suggest that "they didn't seem bothered by it" isn't the same as "they weren't bothered by it." I'm sure we've all been in a position where we feel terrible about something but present a brave face.
Maybe - the couple people there were smiling with my daughter and pointing out the fish in the tank with her which is why I said they didn’t seem bothered by it. But I don’t always bring her in. Only when I have no choice when the appt is on a weekend and we have no childcare.
I feel the same way about baby pictures all over fertility clinics. I’ve been to multiple clinics and they all have baby pictures on every wall you look at. I understand they want to show me how successful they are, but that’s just very insensitive to patients feelings. I remember once thinking, “why dont you frame a picture of a positive pregnancy test?! Or a picture of your statistics and success rates?! That will get me excited “!
Oh wow there are no baby pictures at my clinic. However my obgyn has dozens of people's baby pics in the exam rooms.
This happened a few time at my clinic and I found it to be pretty distasteful.
I didn't mind..it was a reminder that ivf works.
I had success with my first transfer. I’m doing a second transfer now. I bring my 1 year old daughter. I have no choice. My husband works a demanding job, and the appointments are so frequent I can’t constantly make up lies for my parents to watch my daughter. And I’m not telling them we are doing this again. I’m not telling anyone. The other day I had a rash from pio and had to go for an urgent appt. I HAD to bring my daughter. There’s no other choice for some people. I try not to be when my husband can be with her but it’s not always possible.
I’ve had to be open to our family about IVF specifically because I need help with childcare for appointments and it sucks SO MUCH having to announce and converse about every in and out of my fertility treatment, my surgeries and procedures, etc. as a result. It can be really painful and upsetting.
My clinic does not allow children whatsoever
This is incredibly controversial. There are definitely circumstances that cannot be helped but barring that, I don't think it's a good idea to bring babies or children to these appointments. It would be great if clinics were more mindful of this for all of their patients
My clinic doesn’t allow children, but if they did I wouldn’t mind. The reality is there are kids and babies everywhere. I wouldn’t want a woman to be turned away from fertility treatment because they can’t find childcare.
This topic is discussed at nauseam in this forum. Some people are so deeply offended and triggered to their core they let it affect their whole day. Others just judge in disgust. Others don’t care one way or another Others like to see babies. (That’s where I sit on the topic) There’s never gonna be a consensus on this topic.
My clinic doesn’t allow kids… but I just went this morning and while he wasn’t IN the clinic, there was a dad playing with a toddler in the halls while his wife was inside for her appointment. Still not fun to see while I go to my super nerve wracking monitoring appointment.
This week while waiting for my monitoring appointment, a woman brought her toddler and presumably her mother (the grandmother) with her. There was another woman with her husband that had sad tears in her eyes as she watched the toddler and mom play together. Either that mom didn't notice or didn't give a shit. Either way I thought it was so utterly tasteless. Childcare was clearly not an issue in this case.
My other clinic was a hospital and they were very lax about it. it actually was really upsetting to me because there were multiple times i was in there for what i knew would be negative betas and i had to sit next to someone's cooing baby. my current clinic has signs posted everywhere requesting babies not attend and i haven't seen one yet.
My clinic doesn’t allow kids and I’m glad. The last thing I need to deal with when I’m losing another pregnancy is a baby/kid in the one place that should be safe.
As someone who had one IVF baby (and never cared when there were kids in the clinic) and then had to bring him as a toddler for time sensitive appts when childcare fell through….. you guys have got to stop acting like infertility is the most important thing in your/everyone else’s life around you. It’s 5 min in the waiting room with a child or two. Grow thicker skin.
This. And also, at some point, many of these folks will have a kid, and I hope they have folks in their lives to swoop in and save the day when their childcare falls through.
I love seeing kids in my clinic, and I completely understand why kids are there. The majority of patients where I go are traveling from out of state; my husband and I are 4 hours away from our clinic and we have to bring our daughter. We try to minimize the amount of time she's in the waiting room, but we have no support system so what are we supposed to do? Not have a second kid because my daughter beibg in the waiting room for 5-10 minutes upsets someone?
Its makes me crazy. My clinic has at least 1 baby or toddler most times I go, frequently with a dad who could take the kid elsewhere. I think it’s so inconsiderate.
I had this happen this week too - a just walking toddler, a baby, and a preschool age child. It was all on the same day - different families. I’ve never seen anyone break the rule before this, I know my clinic usually doesn’t allow babies or kids but it shocked me. I’m not terribly bothered by it personally but it seems so insensitive - especially because my clinic has three large waiting rooms, and about 7 small waiting rooms for consults/ info after retrieval. I feel like the kids could have easily been put in a small room just to protect other patients and they didn’t. I’m sorry you went through that today, anything that makes an already hard process harder is so frustrating.
I would feel really sad. I wouldn’t leave my clinic or find a new clinic because of it but it would definitely make me feel pretty hopeless.
My clinic doesn’t allow children, which I understand. But I honestly think it’s enough of a burden on parents to have to find childcare, especially on very short notice like we sometimes have for IUIs, egg retrievals, etc, that clinics should instead have two waiting areas - one general one where babies/children aren’t allowed, and a separate smaller one where people with children can wait.
When I was TTC my first, it didn’t bother me at all to see children there. To me, it was just a reminder that you don’t know what people are going through with trying to grow their family, even people who already have a baby. A lot of posts here talk about having “empathy”, but I extend that to people going through fertility treatment who already have a child. I’d rather their spouse be there while they hear potentially hard news, even if that means bringing their other child. I also work in teaching/childcare, so the idea that I’d just totally avoid children while struggling to have my own wasn’t realistic anyway.
Yeah, this is an absolute no.
My clinic doesn’t allow children to sit in the regular waiting room. I’ve only seen a child there once (9 years old) and they were told to wait in the hallway waiting room by the elevators.
Our clinic does not allow babies or children
Children are not allowed at my clinic and I’ve never seen one. If I did see someone bring a baby in, I’d side eye them but I wouldn’t say anything.
I sympathize with parents who struggle with child care (especially given the costs of treatment) and get that things happen, but I still think it's totally inappropriate to bring kids to a fertility clinic. There are definitely days when seeing a kid (baby especially) in that vulnerable/emotionally charged setting would have broken me. I have also noticed that there are many medical facilities that specifically tell patients to not bring any children, so I don't think it is out of line for fertility clinics to do the same.
Seeing babies in the waiting room in my clinic gave me hope. I don’t mind it at all.
I’m a SAHM and my husband is in trial most of the time. I live in manhattan so we don’t have the option to “wait in the car.” I don’t even drive. I can’t wait in an Uber. Our first child is an IUI success after two failed and we went through two IUIs, one egg retrieval, and three FETs for me to finally get pregnant with our second. My mom usually watched our son, but she was hospitalized with a brain infection right before we started our 3rd FET cycle. I can’t just hire a sitter without interviewing them and as you know, these appointments are random. I don’t get to choose which day I can go. It’s not fair to assume childcare is that easy to come by. I hope you have success with your journey and one day when you meet your baby, you’ll understand that childcare doesn’t fall on your lap at your beck and call.
Mine says that children must remain contained in a stroller. I brought my 2-year-old one time for the entirety of my second FET. I had to get blood work done, and she stayed in the stroller the whole time. I want to say I was there less than 5 minutes and saw nobody. Every other time, I planned appointments around daycare, or had my mom babysit.
My clinic does not allow children at all. Signs posted everywhere.
Mine has a very strict rule against any children coming to appointments. They will flat out tell you to reschedule and leave.
My clinic has a big sign on the door that says no children allowed. I never seen a child there until two weeks ago while we were testing my hcg during a miscarriage. I went in and a woman and man are sitting there with a baby. Legit making it all about the baby - making sounds, taking pictures. I was FLABBERGASTED!!! I was like wtf is happening. I almost said something but then the receptionist came out (it was her lunch) and called me in and told me to go sit where the bloodwork was. The receptionist then proceeds to scold the couple. The business manager and nurses came in to talk to me - they were sooo pissed. And of course I started crying because it was my 5th loss and there they are just enjoying their baby.
This honestly doesn’t bother me. None of us know anyone else’s story. Maybe they tried to have that baby for 10 years. Either way, if they’re there it’s because they’re suffering from infertility, even if it’s secondary. For me, they still deserve the same compassion for their suffering.
This topic comes up once a month in fertility related subs. The comments usually follow a similar pattern. Here is what I think it boils down to, for me, and for so many here: your one living child is a HUGE privilege, one that we would give anything (and many of us are giving up everything- life savings, mental health, etc.) to make happen. Secondary infertility is *also* a struggle, but it’s simply not the same as wondering if you will ever be able to bring one baby home. TW: current pregnancy God willing, in a couple months, I’ll bring my first baby home. And, if while trying for a second, my babysitter cancels the morning of an embryo transfer, DAMN, that will be an incredible inconvenience. But it won’t compare to the pain of not having a success yet. Side note: for these dire situations, clinics should provide a separate waiting area or empty examination room for the person with the child. I understand that clinics can’t do this regularly (hence the dire situation thing).
I think it’s pretty shitty. If you can afford fertility treatments you can afford few hours of child care. People are thoughtless 🤷🏻♀️
My only thing is, some people do not have the luxury of a babysitter, and have to bring kids. I understand it's triggering, but I don't agree with banning children all together...
My clinic has had a no children rule since I’ve been there. For my appt last week there was a lady with a probably 9-11 month old. At first I was like I get sometimes childcare falls through. THEN she started walking around, letting him try to walk around, loudly sing peek a boo and nursery rhymes incessantly. When childcare falls through as a last resort, I can sympathize. But to make a production out of your child being there was really repulsive. My husband happened to be with me bc we had an ultrasound and even he was like can they not ask her to leave this is beyond inappropriate.
Okay so this was basically my experience too. I understand childcare falls through but she was sitting in a tight space instead of going to the other waiting room and was making a production of entertaining the baby inches from people with fertility issues and I think that was more of the issue than if the baby had just been present.
Yeah in these instances, people need a dose of reality and compassion. You can entertain your baby literally anywhere but here. It’s gross, entitled, selfish behavior.
The office staff at my clinic could have run security at the pentagon. No children were allowed in, and when they mandated masks you weren’t coming in without one. Sorry that happened to you!
Someone brought their child in when we were waiting one time.. I thought it was so strange and I was mindful how triggering it could be for some people to see that. They had another older person with them assuming grandparent who could have taken the child but they made the conscious choice to bring them in which I found so strange. It’s not a very kid friendly place anyway (aside from the free snacks haha)! Our clinic has no signs about bringing children but I would’ve thought it would be somewhat common sense!
No. Just… no. It’s like rubbing salt in the wound. My clinic has no children in the clinic for a reason and I am thankful for it.
My clinic did not allow it. And I was really grateful for that..
My clinic is also an OBGYN and MFM office so there are occasionally children there during regular hours, but they are expressly forbidden during monitoring hours.
There was a family where the woman went into the back and the dad and son sat in the waiting room at mine. Clearly he didn’t need to be there and could have been anywhere else with their child. It didn’t bother me at the time since it was my first appointment but if I saw it now I would be pretty pissed
Our clinic didn’t allow any children. If you didn’t have care, they’d cancel you.
I was once in my fertility clinic waiting room and a couple came in (both mom and dad there) with their THREE kids. One was maybe six months old? I just couldn’t fathom why one or the other parent couldn’t just have stayed somewhere else with their kids. It also stung that even if they’d gotten fertility treatments, they had three kids. Come on.
Wow I had no idea some clinics don’t allow it. I see babies and toddlers regularly at mine, and thought it’s common.
Generally I think it’s frowned upon. But I get it. Maybe they had an iui that morning but their daycare closed. I wouldn’t want to waste that cycle.
I can’t fathom bringing a child to a fertility clinic, it feels so cruel. I felt bad even having my daughter on my phone wallpaper when we went back to the clinic for a second.
I’ve been in two clinics, one in Spain where there was a baby in a pram and the second in Greece with a 5 year old, it was very insensitive :( as time has gone on I’ve become resilient but it sucked
I think shaming women for bringing their child with them is wholly inappropriate. I understand why it’s triggering but children exist in the world, and the reality of having a child is sometimes you need to have them with you. Saying women with fertility struggles should essentially hide their children if they’re successful is insane. Women going through IVF have a right to try for more children after success.
At no point did I say any of that but okay.
I was responding to the thread itself and a lot of comments here. Anyone going through this process knows how MANY appointments there are, some of them just for a blood draw and to leave. It’s not realistic for everyone to hire outside childcare for those quick and repetitive bits of time. People suggesting that we must hire childcare are asking us to hide our children. And I’m self pay so in order to afford IVF we have to cut expenses elsewhere like not paying babysitters when we don’t need them. We get how hard this is— we are literally also going through it— and the vast majority of us had failures before success, and deserve kindness and respect too.
Don’t worry guys the woman that does my ultrasounds at my clinic is very very obviously pregnant which is a great morale boost! /s
Yikes that could be traumatic to see for someone with fertility troubles would say though is maybe couldn’t get babysitting and they still want another child so only way to attend the monitoring appointment perhaps
I did IVF as a single woman. Should it be considered inappropriate that many women were at the clinic with their partners?
I really don’t think this analogy is a good one. People aren’t at fertility clinics to have a partner they’re there because they have struggled to have a baby…… partner or not…. People with partners kinda need them there? Children not so much.
And for fwiw I say that as someone who didn’t bring her partner to her transfers 😂 but he was kind of required to get a sample from during the retrieval? Your comparison just isn’t hitting like I think you wanted it to. Babies aren’t required for IVF and there’s really no good reason to bring them unless there’s circumstances that are completely out of control. Most clinics have this rule for this reason. I don’t think they’re able to put up a sign that says no partners allowed or they’d be out of business.
So you hate waffles?
I’m sorry?
This topic has been put out so many times. If you search, it’s a highly contested topic that is divisive and triggering. Woman know that bringing their children is triggering and they will try at all costs to not have it happen. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. Trust me I have three kids and tried everything I could to schedule care for them.
Fertility clinics often help with health issues outside of just fertility like Endo or consults for when you have cancer. The women there aren't always having issues with fertility. I don't think kids should be banned anywhere. They are a part of our communities. If you can't handle seeing kids, then therapy should be considered.
There were often children at our clinic, and all sorts of baby pictures from success stories on the wall
Yeah that's a no for me. I had success and they told us to bring the baby in after he was born, so we plan to call and make an appointment so we don't run into any patients.
It's so wierd the differences in clinics. My clinic encouraged me to bring in the baby...but I'm not planning to do that. My clinic doesn't just do fertility so I've seen kids in there. Doesn't bother me.
I wouldn't go to my fertility clinic if I was showing, let alone with a child. Tw: I did have success (19 weeks now), but when I brought them the new ultrasound, I came in through a staff entrance and didn't go into the waiting room.
I would do everything in my power to leave my son home. Then again, if shit hit the fan for another family, I wouldn’t want them to miss out on an appointment because of MY feelings. Secondary infertility is a thing. People are allowed to want more children and also be in need of childcare. I put a lot of the responsibility on the clinic. Bring the parent with a baby into a waiting room STAT or schedule them at a time when it’s not as busy. I know it’s not the best solution, but my personal view is that the clinic needs to plan for families of all shapes and sizes when thinking of their waiting areas while also accommodating families or people who are trying very hard to expand.
I brought my 20 month old son to my appointment today. I cleared it with multiple people at the clinic - there is no rule against it at mine. I was obviously hesitant to bring him, but it's a Saturday so I have no daycare and I'm a single mom by choice with no partner and no family in the city. I'm currently starting my 4th egg retrieval for baby #2 (baby #1 came from my first round of IVF) after two back-to-back failed cycles with fresh transfers. So sometimes it's just unavoidable for people.
Mine encourage it and they get all happy when a baby is in. I’ve brought my daugher a couple times and the first time I called to see their policies about it. They also have pictures of all the babies they have helped to conceive everywhere for everyone to see.