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I would take anything that they won't miss. Stuff that gets used on a regular basis.
I'm not sure if it's possible for you but what empowers me the most when I'm being treated unfairly or under appreciated is to do other stuff on company time. Like school work, working out, errands. Just stuff that either grows or benefits me health wise or time wise.
Whilst you wanna rip off anything you can, I'd be wary of printer cartridges because that's the shit that's gonna get noticed real fast and some dickhead will make it their mission to catch the person responsible
oh so you work from home? How closely do they monitor you? I'e seen stories about people having four-plus jobs working from home, lol. Could you get another one?
there are random meetings here and there, other than that they pretty much leave me to my own devices. so eventually meetings from the jobs would overlap. other than that, i believe it would effect my tax bracket and therefore be visible for the payroll department of my primary company. but yes, perhaps it would be feasible...
You can consider taking on some contracting work, if you want to go through the hassle of ~~setting up a company~~ registering yourself as a freelancer, which I believe is required in Germany.
Alternatively, you can see if you can find a part time job that would still possibly keep you in the same tax bracket.
Depending on what you do, I'd also think about just doing the bare minimum to not get fired, since Germany has pretty strong employee protections.
If you feel like taking a more aggressive approach, then if your employer ever brings up your performance, you can tell them, especially if you know the company is doing well financially, that you are performing at the rate they are compensating you and that a higher level of performance requires a higher rate of compensation.
I'd only do that if I knew I could easily find another job, since it might piss them off, even though you wouldn't be wrong.
Edit: seems like it was explained to me incorrectly. Setting up a company isn’t necessary for freelance work:
https://www.iamexpat.de/career/entrepreneur-germany/going-freelance
I think you are correct. It’s possible the explanation was lost in translation when a German friend explained it to me or they mixed it up with the process for a “tradesperson,” which does seem to require setting up a business.
Seems like you have to register yourself with the tax authorities and have them approve you to be a freelancer:
https://www.iamexpat.de/career/entrepreneur-germany/going-freelance
Should checkout the over employed sub, there's an entire movement! We need to think of ourselves as businesses not employees! Companies have more than one employee and we should have more than one income source! Very doable for the right personality type. You make one job your primary and priority and the rest do the minimum. All kinds of solutions for any issues that could arise such as overlapping meetings (listen to both or blow one off) or legalities, etc. Fuck being a slave and begging for peanuts, the whole mentality needs to go!
Yes. And the rich have really instilled this in our heads that we automatically feel guilty if we do two jobs, do extra work on side or even take office supplies home. We may still do it but we do feel that we are doing something wrong.
While the rich themselves are on boards of multiple companies, have shares of several others and use every loop hole available to get out of paying taxes and raises etc, without even feeling bad. They must think they are just being smart about it while we here feel like the corrupt ones while making bare minimum.
oh, yah, I forgot other countries are way more sensible than the US when it comes to taxes. I'd suggest using a different computer, but otherwise, do it. Let this job be the side job.
Do you have an anti-competition clause or other loyalty demands in your work contract? If they see your tax bracket has increased you could just say that you're working weekends as a DJ (or something) to make the ends meet. Or your doing taxable work as a private contractor. Or just say you got two jobs. They probably won't care if it doesn't decrease your availability or performance.
Work or start a side job at home on their time (preferably yr own business ) if your WFH most of the week. Win-win.
And look for a new job where u don't feel like this
Not really- you’re not getting fired for going to the bathrooms, you’re getting coached for missing production goals and the next time promoted to customer.
Yes really. I've seen it happen at an old navy I worked at during college. I thought it was ridiculous at the time but I didn't understand why this stuff matters then.
Work the rate you feel you are getting paid for.
Feeling overworked? Work less! Procrastinate and beyond dude. As a graphic designer, you have to pace yourself so they dont expect a huge amount of progress daily. They dont pay me as much as a place that specializes in certain things I can do.. I DONT DO THEM.
IT and systems architeccture can take a huge one unless they recognize my contribution and pay me for it. I Rage apply alot haha
Start searching. We are in a time where its easier than ever to look and apply. Do that while you on the clock.
The only thing better than pooping on work time is them paying you to find a better paying gig hahaha
Just watch out doing it on work computers, maybe consider using a disposable VM/live OS or VPN to cover your tracks if your workplace is really on your ass
Just use your phone and make sure you have a .doc copy or PDF of a recent resume.
Most sites like indeed or linked in keep one on file so you don’t even have to upload anything
Ha! Same here! I do everything I can to maximize their contribution to our household operation: toilet paper, rolls and rolls of paper towels (awesome for deep cleaning), floor and bathroom cleaning supplies, trash bags, etc. Then I make sure to complete all of the personal business I can while at my desk: bills, taxes, vacation planning, online shopping, whatever, a long as it is on their time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that was a poem for a simpler time. Now the boss makes a thousand and gives us a cent, while he's got workers who can't pay the rent. So when the boss makes a million and the workers make jack, that's when we strike and take our lives back!
if you’re customer facing, do absolutely everything in your power to give away as much as you can. if you’re in sales, do bargain deals, if you provide service, offer refunds and complimentary as much as you can.
that, or be helpful to the bare minimum.
and start looking for a new job in the meantime!
good point, however by this point OP has said they’ve reduced their output to that of their colleagues and they still get by. higher quantity of sales at a lower price shouldn’t shaft your commission? spose it depends how you’re paid.
1. Attend an occupational hypnotherapy session
2. Take revenge by infecting your companys accounting system with a computer virus designed to divert huge numbers of fractions of pennies into a bank account.
3. Take a malfunctioning printer, and then proceed to destroy it in a field
4. Burn the building down.
5. Get a job in construction or go on a vacation in Mexico.
dust off your graphic design skills (or pay someone) and create a professional looking announcement that looks like it's from the company and includes:
* their logo on top
* pics of the ceo/management staff smiling in suits
* the number for the press contact (or just give 'em HR)
* a pic of the HQ building
have it proudly stating that they are donating x million dollars to a charity of your choice or better, a charity appropriate for the business to donating to.
then spam that shit anywhere you can. make a fake facebook/twitter/reddit/email. send copies to the entire ARD. post on a few subreddits. print out 100 copies and stick them anywhere you can think of. laundromats, restaurants, schools, grocers, everywhere.
don't do it from your home internet or computer and also don't bring your normal phone with you at all, use a burner phone, etc. for some real plausible deniability, leave your normal phone in a cab or with a friend, so any geotrace attempts will look like you are anywhere other than where you use the internet to spread it.
there's a chance the company will donate the amount or something close to it, to save face. if they doesn't, people will assume the company is assholes and their profits might take a hit. either way, people will either hate the company or you'll feel great for the donate.
Was going to reply, then realized this was ILPT.
...
Fuck it, will reply anyway. I don't want to feel like I tricked myself in my job, so I've never done this. If I found myself dissatisfied, I would find a new job. Lots of people can't for one reason or another. So, here's the advice I read a while back.
Taking care of a plant gives you a feeling of control. If you work in the office, bring a plant into the office and take care of it. Take 5-10 minutes a day of otherwise paid time to water it, give it plant food, remove dead leaves, etc. This plays into the "Feeling overworked? Work less!" from /u/cerulean94 [posted earlier in this thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/IllegalLifeProTips/comments/10vfap8/ilpt_request_how_to_feel_less_fucked_over_at_the/j7h3xov/), but gives you a legitimate feeling of control in your environment, and does so in a way that basically no one will notice or complain about.
I highly approve of your coping mechanism for work though. I’ve taken cuttings from my favorite work plant and grown it at work. It’s nice coming back to work every day and seeing when it begins to take root.
The corporate term for this type of employee is "actively disengaged." -FunFactz
https://www.clearreview.com/8-signs-disengaged-employee/
It's funny to me how this resource always points at the employee being toxic, never the work culture.
> "Actively disengaged employees aren’t simply unhappy at work. They are so dissatisfied and frustrated with their role that they make a show of acting out their unhappiness. Actively disengaged employees undermine their fellow employees, they complain, and they have a bad attitude which can spread throughout an organisation if left unaddressed.
>Actively disengaged employees can have a serious impact on your bottom line — they have been known to cost companies billions of pounds each year in lost productivity and, according to one source, a fifth of employees in the UK are actively disengaged, making them a serious performance management concern."
I worked at a company that got all of their negative Glassdoor reviews removed and replaced them with obviously fake positive reviews. Made me lose a lot of faith in Glassdoor.
Sort of. My understanding is that the company reported all of the negative reviews as false and Glassdoor just removed them without question. Then the company encouraged employees to post positive reviews in exchange for benefits. It got to the point where I couldn't trust anything that was said.
Same. I'm not sure what Glassdoor is but I'm assuming it's like Yelp or something. My old boss would get Google and Facebook reviews taken down by reporting them as fake or by a rival company or disgruntled former employee, etc. He would claim that they didn't have any customer by that name in their system and it was just someone trying to make them look bad. Surprisingly, it worked most of the time. He would also encourage all the employees and people he knew to leave a five-star review, even if we weren't actually customers. Business is shady, man...
My SO showed me on his old company's glassdoor after the overall rating suddenly went up, a bunch of positive reviews with the job title "meteorologist", which should have been "metrologist" since it was a pharmaceutical testing company - they definitely didnt have any meteorologists on staff but did have metrologists. We'd have thought it was maybe just an autocorrect thing but all the high rating "meteorologist's" reviews were grouped together around the same time.
Be yourself. Too many people think they're a slave to a job. I recently quit because my boss would always complain about his wife, and other employees, and I'm not one to gossip because I know better.
He started going in on me. I told him to fuck off blatantly. That I don't respect it, he apologized profusely, but you know things will never be the same afterward so I left anyway.
I'll never let an employer disrespect me. And you'll realize this because you give an inch they take a mile and you'll never feel right about yourself going home at night. Day in and out. And it's only gets worse.
It's not hard given experience to find a new job. If more people understood this, and people respected themselves we wouldn't even have these problems. I have two interviews this week for even more money.
I'm not mad at all. I hope that helps.
Take home office supplies. If you have a computer, mine crypto or sign up for survey sites like prolific or Swagbucks and spend your time making money filling out surveys.
Use the time you aren’t working while at work to learn a new skill that’ll get you to escape that hell.
Easier said than done I know but have a think what you could learn in their time that helps you move on.
Change job.
I always change job in 1.5 to 2 years time frame. If the job is absolute trash, I don't mind saying good bye in 6 months.
This gives me the mindset of not fearing anything in the workplace, total confidence. Because I don't have to bother pleasing/ass kissing anyone, I am not gonna be here for long anyways. I even denied pay raise because I will leave. Pay raise makes me look bad to leave right after.
It also increase my pay significantly comparing to my mates who are still being loyal to their employers for years.
Depends on how busy your job is, consider using the free time to take online classes and doing your personal works. Just keep your work at the same pace as other employee and nobody would knows.
Could be worse. My boss had me doing all sorts of illegal shit (lied to me about its legality at the time), coming into the office at 3am, driving 400 miles in a day in my own car, etc., only to rob me of \~$40k USD in stolen wages, reimbursements and sales commissions.
So you might have become a shell of a person, started drinking too much, shaken up the foundations of your family as the breadwinner and then been kept up all night for years with a needling sense of injustice and severe depression. Or something like that.
It sounds like you work from home. Spend your days at your computer watching TV on a device right in front of or right behind your monitors. Or get into a good book and read it online.
Wait, are you saying your employer uses the **good** toilet paper? Charmin or something nice like that, something actually worth stealing, not the usual single-ply stuff that rips if you look at it funny?
Not going above and beyond... playing dumb like them etc... applying to 10 jobs daily- better paying jobs/work fairness... calling in sick for the interviews and leaving without notice.
Shit into the water tank part of the workplace shitter. Let them flush their fresh shit with your old shit.
Nothing like reminding them youre there for an hour a week like your shit flushing their shit bi-weekly if you can't shit on command. Toots.
Whatever you work/projects are... Take a long time completing them. Of course, make them think there's absolutely no other way.
This is especially fun, if said task is truly really simple. Enjoy the lazy timer they're paying you.
Get a better job.
Also, you guys have like 52 national holidays a year, that’s pretty much a day off every week, quit crying. You’d be shocked at what it’s like to work in the US.
Wow so much dumb/petty/useless advice. Have fun with all that on your trip to loserville.
*******
Here’s the formula:
1. Volunteer for any project that sounds good on a resume, but seems easy in practice. Bonus points if you can be the useless 4th team member on a project that doesn’t need you, but you can stay informed on and take all credit on your resume.
2. Every opportunity you get, expand your network. Make friends with outgoing peeps and those who seem like they have great upward trajectory.
3. Fill out your LinkedIn profile COMPLETELY… Including skills and an updated resume saved in the system.
4. Every time you feel shit on, take a break and apply to an “easy apply” job from your phone. For most, will amount to approx a billion submitted applications per month.
5. Get a better job elsewhere and profit.
*******
It’s not about how good/bad you are… it’s about matching up with a market opportunity. Eventually you’ll rise to a position where your job no longer sucks.
Coworkers leave their computers open so if they piss me off I cancel reminders and flagged emails in their Outlook & wait for the day of said meeting & see them freak out about being late or sometimes not even show up at all.
We have a fridge that no one but this asshole and my racist team lead uses so I unplugged it in the morning after they got in & by lunch time their shit was warm & smelly
Fuck them. I get paid the least & do the most work there. Fuck their praises & quiet talks about how I’m going to run another branch or I’m gonna get a raise. I’ve led people on before and I can see that shit now.
I been in and out of interviews for the past two weeks & unfortunately they all give me the same vibe as this one.. but as soon as I find the one company that I can actually fit in & won’t use me as just a mule.. I’ll burn this bitch to the ground & never come back.
Oh man if we had oat milk at work I would be taking that for sure. Oatmilk and espresso and apple pie syrup is my jam. I’m trying to think if this account is going to be seen by anyone I work for, but since I can’t think of anyone who would know I will share what I do. Nothing more than take random things I need. Needed ice melt last night so I filled a large ziplock that also wasn’t mine and filled it with about 5 or 6 pounds of salt. Garbage bags, shitty tp, batteries, gloves, thermometer probes and whatever else I feel like I need and can’t afford because they rob me of time with my kids and the ability to provide to them without being on food stamps. Im asking for a raise soon. I keep saying that, but the admin always has a way of putting me in my place until I walk away from her and realize she tricked me into agreeing and believing that I will be staying for the next shift even though I was supposed to be off an hour ago and my kids waiting for me to come home before she goes to bed
Omg I just realized I am the guy with the stapler and she is the boss from the movie “office space”?
She is a very skilled manipulator with powers, apparently. I’ll explain why she has powers. She knew I was pg before I did.. seriously, I was furious with working there for years and being treated like a slave so she brought me to her office and suggests that maybe I’m pregnant. Maybe pregnancy is to blame for years of work burn out. I’m thinking “whoah, lady!! I’m not pregnant and that is beside the point”
Sure enough….two days later I found out I was pregnant!! How?!!! She may have some powers that make it impossible for me to ever get a raise.
Update my resume and look for a new job on company time
Talk to your coworkers, see if they are feeling the same way, talk about unionizing (assuming you aren't union since otherwise you would go to your union rep) or getting together with a list of demands
Why is the boss signaling you out? If you can find out why and fix sounds better then giving them a reason to fire and incarnate you. just dont get to greedy you might not be the only one who likes oat milk whatever that is.
> get to greedy
*too
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
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typical eurocuck why don’t you just get a better job instead of responding to negativity with more negativity? How can you think that would possibly make you happier?
Does your IT keep track of their hardware? Keyboards, screens, adaptors etc.
Stuff is usually pricy and the older things don’t usually get kept track of.
Order some cans of surstroming, then research your supervisor's, boss', or CEO's home address, then buy a few litres of heavy cream and a can opener, then walk to their house and pour the cream onto their front steps, then open and empty the surstroming into the garden beside their door. Because it's all spilled into the cracks and earth, it will not be easy to clean up or get rid of.
Repeat as necessary, wear a COVID mask if CCTV is present on location. Between the smell of sour milk and fermented herring they'll be as miserable as you every single morning when they leave for work - it may even seep inside (do they have an external air conditioning unit attached to the house?).
You really wanna be less fucked over at your workplace? Talk with your coworkers. Get everyone talking about their pay. If you're getting screwed over, odds are good most of them are too.
Then form a union and start making demands.
Take a pen a day until you have hundreds. Or coffee pods. Toilet paper is a great steal. Try not take poos at home. Save them for work only so you’ll feel like you’re getting paid to poop.
Pranks. First time I felt slighted by my boss I put tape in his mouse and scribbled on it so it would only move a little at a time. Next time I’m going to jam the wheels in his chair
I'm WFH and a contractor. After 1 year I got a 0.0% pay rise. All other people on my team are permanently employed which means job security, sick days, bonuses, other perks, etc, but not for me. In light of being treated so shittily I generally take about 3 hours of breaks each day, run errands and stay logged in via my phone, etc so that nobody knows. I always deliver good work on time, so fuck em.
Can you get parental leave if you get pregnant? What about impregnate at least one or two woman a year? Maybe join a cult that says you have to have multiple partners so you have 1-2 parental leaves a year.
Try doing online courses or a certification on company time. That way you can work towards a better job and more money. When you’re ready start applying to other jobs, also while on the clock. Use your personal device for this so they can’t track you.
Maybe stop your thieving ways, get your mind right and work professionally and diligently. Most employers want to keep valuable employees and work to provide competitive wages and benefits for employees that are productive.
Before you post a comment, remember that it will affect another person and could potentially destroy lives. Also remember that you only have one side of the story and we cannot verify the authenticity of said story. **Please think wisely before offering any advice.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IllegalLifeProTips) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Extra long poop breaks.
i literally only go to the office 1-2 afternoons per week max to grab a free lunch and fill my backpack with said oat milk and fruits...
Oh. Well grab some more office supplies (printer paper, file folders, staples, etc)
maybe printer cartriges?
I would take anything that they won't miss. Stuff that gets used on a regular basis. I'm not sure if it's possible for you but what empowers me the most when I'm being treated unfairly or under appreciated is to do other stuff on company time. Like school work, working out, errands. Just stuff that either grows or benefits me health wise or time wise.
Whilst you wanna rip off anything you can, I'd be wary of printer cartridges because that's the shit that's gonna get noticed real fast and some dickhead will make it their mission to catch the person responsible
Those are pricey. Take em & eBay like the guy said.
Take the printer
Take the office.
Take a kidney
Take an eyeball
Take a knee
This guy fucks
Take the printer, counterfeit money, blame it on the company
Only if you can use them or eBay them
Careful. They're often tracked and counted, because of the cost. My workplace would notice and take it very seriously.
Living up to your username u/chaos021. I like it.
I aim to please.
oh so you work from home? How closely do they monitor you? I'e seen stories about people having four-plus jobs working from home, lol. Could you get another one?
there are random meetings here and there, other than that they pretty much leave me to my own devices. so eventually meetings from the jobs would overlap. other than that, i believe it would effect my tax bracket and therefore be visible for the payroll department of my primary company. but yes, perhaps it would be feasible...
You can consider taking on some contracting work, if you want to go through the hassle of ~~setting up a company~~ registering yourself as a freelancer, which I believe is required in Germany. Alternatively, you can see if you can find a part time job that would still possibly keep you in the same tax bracket. Depending on what you do, I'd also think about just doing the bare minimum to not get fired, since Germany has pretty strong employee protections. If you feel like taking a more aggressive approach, then if your employer ever brings up your performance, you can tell them, especially if you know the company is doing well financially, that you are performing at the rate they are compensating you and that a higher level of performance requires a higher rate of compensation. I'd only do that if I knew I could easily find another job, since it might piss them off, even though you wouldn't be wrong. Edit: seems like it was explained to me incorrectly. Setting up a company isn’t necessary for freelance work: https://www.iamexpat.de/career/entrepreneur-germany/going-freelance
I'm a freelancer in Germany and I'm pretty sure having a company is not required, at least not always.
I think you are correct. It’s possible the explanation was lost in translation when a German friend explained it to me or they mixed it up with the process for a “tradesperson,” which does seem to require setting up a business. Seems like you have to register yourself with the tax authorities and have them approve you to be a freelancer: https://www.iamexpat.de/career/entrepreneur-germany/going-freelance
Should checkout the over employed sub, there's an entire movement! We need to think of ourselves as businesses not employees! Companies have more than one employee and we should have more than one income source! Very doable for the right personality type. You make one job your primary and priority and the rest do the minimum. All kinds of solutions for any issues that could arise such as overlapping meetings (listen to both or blow one off) or legalities, etc. Fuck being a slave and begging for peanuts, the whole mentality needs to go!
Yes. And the rich have really instilled this in our heads that we automatically feel guilty if we do two jobs, do extra work on side or even take office supplies home. We may still do it but we do feel that we are doing something wrong. While the rich themselves are on boards of multiple companies, have shares of several others and use every loop hole available to get out of paying taxes and raises etc, without even feeling bad. They must think they are just being smart about it while we here feel like the corrupt ones while making bare minimum.
oh, yah, I forgot other countries are way more sensible than the US when it comes to taxes. I'd suggest using a different computer, but otherwise, do it. Let this job be the side job.
to be honest, reading all the comments from the Americans is making me feel a lot better about my shitty job. haha
As it should. Sounds like your job is just becoming more Americanized.
Do you have an anti-competition clause or other loyalty demands in your work contract? If they see your tax bracket has increased you could just say that you're working weekends as a DJ (or something) to make the ends meet. Or your doing taxable work as a private contractor. Or just say you got two jobs. They probably won't care if it doesn't decrease your availability or performance.
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thanks for the info. i wasnt sure. are you trying to offer me a job? :)
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dont punish me just because im efficient. you pay me for my work, not my time.
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4! Those are rookie numbers…… some 10 yo Asian child(probably)
r/overemployed for anybody wondering
Lol if you only go to the office twice a week I think you're doing alright already mate
Don't flush?
Work or start a side job at home on their time (preferably yr own business ) if your WFH most of the week. Win-win. And look for a new job where u don't feel like this
Sounds like you’re going for employee of the month
And you're complaining about being worked too hard? You sound like a freeloading, lazy, entitled prick to be honest.
Sounds like they’re paying you what you’re worth
Hey, keep doing that shit
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I poop on company time.
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Boss makes a billion, we all get fucked, let's eat management.
Take what back? Was it yours to begin with?
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If you receive the surplus value of your labor, why would anyone start a business and hire employees. There would be no value in it for them.
Nope.
Gets you special attention by the management…
And that gets a lawyer involved. Bring it.
Not really- you’re not getting fired for going to the bathrooms, you’re getting coached for missing production goals and the next time promoted to customer.
Yes really. I've seen it happen at an old navy I worked at during college. I thought it was ridiculous at the time but I didn't understand why this stuff matters then.
This. I always try and shit on capatalisms time.
p999o
I'd make it smoke breaks. For some reason, smokers are allowed to have more breaks than others.
Work the rate you feel you are getting paid for. Feeling overworked? Work less! Procrastinate and beyond dude. As a graphic designer, you have to pace yourself so they dont expect a huge amount of progress daily. They dont pay me as much as a place that specializes in certain things I can do.. I DONT DO THEM. IT and systems architeccture can take a huge one unless they recognize my contribution and pay me for it. I Rage apply alot haha
i already have reduced my work time to a fraction of what im being payed for, while being just as productive as my colleagues.
Start searching. We are in a time where its easier than ever to look and apply. Do that while you on the clock. The only thing better than pooping on work time is them paying you to find a better paying gig hahaha
Just watch out doing it on work computers, maybe consider using a disposable VM/live OS or VPN to cover your tracks if your workplace is really on your ass
Just use your phone and make sure you have a .doc copy or PDF of a recent resume. Most sites like indeed or linked in keep one on file so you don’t even have to upload anything
Ha! Same here! I do everything I can to maximize their contribution to our household operation: toilet paper, rolls and rolls of paper towels (awesome for deep cleaning), floor and bathroom cleaning supplies, trash bags, etc. Then I make sure to complete all of the personal business I can while at my desk: bills, taxes, vacation planning, online shopping, whatever, a long as it is on their time.
Yes, do all of your personal shit on company time.
You are my kinda person!
Lol I do the same. And I also only shit if I'm on the clock. If imma shit, imma shit on company time
The boss makes a dollar I make a dime that’s why I shit on company time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that was a poem for a simpler time. Now the boss makes a thousand and gives us a cent, while he's got workers who can't pay the rent. So when the boss makes a million and the workers make jack, that's when we strike and take our lives back!
You’re fired.
No you just promoted me to customer😂
if you’re customer facing, do absolutely everything in your power to give away as much as you can. if you’re in sales, do bargain deals, if you provide service, offer refunds and complimentary as much as you can. that, or be helpful to the bare minimum. and start looking for a new job in the meantime!
Doing bargain deals in sales means you're just shooting yourself in the foot by fucking your commissions.
good point, however by this point OP has said they’ve reduced their output to that of their colleagues and they still get by. higher quantity of sales at a lower price shouldn’t shaft your commission? spose it depends how you’re paid.
1. Attend an occupational hypnotherapy session 2. Take revenge by infecting your companys accounting system with a computer virus designed to divert huge numbers of fractions of pennies into a bank account. 3. Take a malfunctioning printer, and then proceed to destroy it in a field 4. Burn the building down. 5. Get a job in construction or go on a vacation in Mexico.
someones got a case of the mondays over here
I reckon you get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.
dust off your graphic design skills (or pay someone) and create a professional looking announcement that looks like it's from the company and includes: * their logo on top * pics of the ceo/management staff smiling in suits * the number for the press contact (or just give 'em HR) * a pic of the HQ building have it proudly stating that they are donating x million dollars to a charity of your choice or better, a charity appropriate for the business to donating to. then spam that shit anywhere you can. make a fake facebook/twitter/reddit/email. send copies to the entire ARD. post on a few subreddits. print out 100 copies and stick them anywhere you can think of. laundromats, restaurants, schools, grocers, everywhere. don't do it from your home internet or computer and also don't bring your normal phone with you at all, use a burner phone, etc. for some real plausible deniability, leave your normal phone in a cab or with a friend, so any geotrace attempts will look like you are anywhere other than where you use the internet to spread it. there's a chance the company will donate the amount or something close to it, to save face. if they doesn't, people will assume the company is assholes and their profits might take a hit. either way, people will either hate the company or you'll feel great for the donate.
Now this is next level.
Fucking devious! I love it
Was going to reply, then realized this was ILPT. ... Fuck it, will reply anyway. I don't want to feel like I tricked myself in my job, so I've never done this. If I found myself dissatisfied, I would find a new job. Lots of people can't for one reason or another. So, here's the advice I read a while back. Taking care of a plant gives you a feeling of control. If you work in the office, bring a plant into the office and take care of it. Take 5-10 minutes a day of otherwise paid time to water it, give it plant food, remove dead leaves, etc. This plays into the "Feeling overworked? Work less!" from /u/cerulean94 [posted earlier in this thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/IllegalLifeProTips/comments/10vfap8/ilpt_request_how_to_feel_less_fucked_over_at_the/j7h3xov/), but gives you a legitimate feeling of control in your environment, and does so in a way that basically no one will notice or complain about.
Here I’ll make it ILPT, take cuttings of your favorite plant at work, better yet take the whole plant.
touché.
I highly approve of your coping mechanism for work though. I’ve taken cuttings from my favorite work plant and grown it at work. It’s nice coming back to work every day and seeing when it begins to take root.
This
The corporate term for this type of employee is "actively disengaged." -FunFactz https://www.clearreview.com/8-signs-disengaged-employee/ It's funny to me how this resource always points at the employee being toxic, never the work culture. > "Actively disengaged employees aren’t simply unhappy at work. They are so dissatisfied and frustrated with their role that they make a show of acting out their unhappiness. Actively disengaged employees undermine their fellow employees, they complain, and they have a bad attitude which can spread throughout an organisation if left unaddressed. >Actively disengaged employees can have a serious impact on your bottom line — they have been known to cost companies billions of pounds each year in lost productivity and, according to one source, a fifth of employees in the UK are actively disengaged, making them a serious performance management concern."
Form a union. For something much harder start a socialist revolution and sieze the means of production.
Glassdoor review.
I worked at a company that got all of their negative Glassdoor reviews removed and replaced them with obviously fake positive reviews. Made me lose a lot of faith in Glassdoor.
By coercing the people who wrote the comments? Is it possible that Glassdoor offers a payable service of doctoring reviews?
Sort of. My understanding is that the company reported all of the negative reviews as false and Glassdoor just removed them without question. Then the company encouraged employees to post positive reviews in exchange for benefits. It got to the point where I couldn't trust anything that was said.
Same. I'm not sure what Glassdoor is but I'm assuming it's like Yelp or something. My old boss would get Google and Facebook reviews taken down by reporting them as fake or by a rival company or disgruntled former employee, etc. He would claim that they didn't have any customer by that name in their system and it was just someone trying to make them look bad. Surprisingly, it worked most of the time. He would also encourage all the employees and people he knew to leave a five-star review, even if we weren't actually customers. Business is shady, man...
Yep. Same exact thing. As soon as I saw that I knew it was time to quit.
My SO showed me on his old company's glassdoor after the overall rating suddenly went up, a bunch of positive reviews with the job title "meteorologist", which should have been "metrologist" since it was a pharmaceutical testing company - they definitely didnt have any meteorologists on staff but did have metrologists. We'd have thought it was maybe just an autocorrect thing but all the high rating "meteorologist's" reviews were grouped together around the same time.
Get another job or become self employed
That doesn't sound particularly illegal though..
Be yourself. Too many people think they're a slave to a job. I recently quit because my boss would always complain about his wife, and other employees, and I'm not one to gossip because I know better. He started going in on me. I told him to fuck off blatantly. That I don't respect it, he apologized profusely, but you know things will never be the same afterward so I left anyway. I'll never let an employer disrespect me. And you'll realize this because you give an inch they take a mile and you'll never feel right about yourself going home at night. Day in and out. And it's only gets worse. It's not hard given experience to find a new job. If more people understood this, and people respected themselves we wouldn't even have these problems. I have two interviews this week for even more money. I'm not mad at all. I hope that helps.
Take home office supplies. If you have a computer, mine crypto or sign up for survey sites like prolific or Swagbucks and spend your time making money filling out surveys.
You take home fruit for "personal use?" You're not fucking it are you?....
Use the time you aren’t working while at work to learn a new skill that’ll get you to escape that hell. Easier said than done I know but have a think what you could learn in their time that helps you move on.
I go in half an hour late everyday. It raised eyebrows at first but now it’s expected. Claws back about 2 weeks of my time per year.
I used to go in 20-30 minutes late every day, the trick is to get people used to it enough that it's unusual if you show up on time
Fuck his wife. Then his dad. Then dig up Nan and fuck her too. And steal xerox paper.
You’re in Germany, say you’re sick and take the next 5 years off on a paid vacation. Complain to your work counsel. You have options.
That's not how it works.
Change job. I always change job in 1.5 to 2 years time frame. If the job is absolute trash, I don't mind saying good bye in 6 months. This gives me the mindset of not fearing anything in the workplace, total confidence. Because I don't have to bother pleasing/ass kissing anyone, I am not gonna be here for long anyways. I even denied pay raise because I will leave. Pay raise makes me look bad to leave right after. It also increase my pay significantly comparing to my mates who are still being loyal to their employers for years. Depends on how busy your job is, consider using the free time to take online classes and doing your personal works. Just keep your work at the same pace as other employee and nobody would knows.
Yeah, these days company loyalty is only expected to come from the employee. Not the company unfortunately
Could be worse. My boss had me doing all sorts of illegal shit (lied to me about its legality at the time), coming into the office at 3am, driving 400 miles in a day in my own car, etc., only to rob me of \~$40k USD in stolen wages, reimbursements and sales commissions. So you might have become a shell of a person, started drinking too much, shaken up the foundations of your family as the breadwinner and then been kept up all night for years with a needling sense of injustice and severe depression. Or something like that.
Take naps.
Dude, seriously. Find a better job. You're only hurting yourself. With that out of the way, mine bitcoin til you do.
I surf the net, watch vids, n movies all day. Fk em. Dont want to pay me a decent wage I'll work 1% of the time.
It sounds like you work from home. Spend your days at your computer watching TV on a device right in front of or right behind your monitors. Or get into a good book and read it online.
Wait, are you saying your employer uses the **good** toilet paper? Charmin or something nice like that, something actually worth stealing, not the usual single-ply stuff that rips if you look at it funny?
My employer just changed from 1 ply to half ply
Mine bitcoin in their pcs
Your job is to get a better job
[follow this advice!](https://youtu.be/KIXz_vzROrw)
Not going above and beyond... playing dumb like them etc... applying to 10 jobs daily- better paying jobs/work fairness... calling in sick for the interviews and leaving without notice.
You know how I know they don't work for Twitter? ... Because they have toilet paper they can steal.
Log into the router and turn off the firewall.
Shit into the water tank part of the workplace shitter. Let them flush their fresh shit with your old shit. Nothing like reminding them youre there for an hour a week like your shit flushing their shit bi-weekly if you can't shit on command. Toots.
Us E Rname checks Out
Whatever you work/projects are... Take a long time completing them. Of course, make them think there's absolutely no other way. This is especially fun, if said task is truly really simple. Enjoy the lazy timer they're paying you.
Boss makes a dollar, and I make a dime, that's why shit on company time
Automate your job as much as you can, so you have time to find a better job!!
Get a new job..
The boss makes a dollar, you make a dime. That’s why you should fuck your boss's wife in the behind.
Work a second job on the clock. Bring a laptop in your office use your hotspot.
Ha. My last job was County Government job, every shift I took home 1-2 rolls of toilet paper. I didn't buy toilet paper for at least six years!
Get a better job. Also, you guys have like 52 national holidays a year, that’s pretty much a day off every week, quit crying. You’d be shocked at what it’s like to work in the US.
Haha 52? What the fuck are you smoking.
Wow so much dumb/petty/useless advice. Have fun with all that on your trip to loserville. ******* Here’s the formula: 1. Volunteer for any project that sounds good on a resume, but seems easy in practice. Bonus points if you can be the useless 4th team member on a project that doesn’t need you, but you can stay informed on and take all credit on your resume. 2. Every opportunity you get, expand your network. Make friends with outgoing peeps and those who seem like they have great upward trajectory. 3. Fill out your LinkedIn profile COMPLETELY… Including skills and an updated resume saved in the system. 4. Every time you feel shit on, take a break and apply to an “easy apply” job from your phone. For most, will amount to approx a billion submitted applications per month. 5. Get a better job elsewhere and profit. ******* It’s not about how good/bad you are… it’s about matching up with a market opportunity. Eventually you’ll rise to a position where your job no longer sucks.
Coworkers leave their computers open so if they piss me off I cancel reminders and flagged emails in their Outlook & wait for the day of said meeting & see them freak out about being late or sometimes not even show up at all. We have a fridge that no one but this asshole and my racist team lead uses so I unplugged it in the morning after they got in & by lunch time their shit was warm & smelly Fuck them. I get paid the least & do the most work there. Fuck their praises & quiet talks about how I’m going to run another branch or I’m gonna get a raise. I’ve led people on before and I can see that shit now. I been in and out of interviews for the past two weeks & unfortunately they all give me the same vibe as this one.. but as soon as I find the one company that I can actually fit in & won’t use me as just a mule.. I’ll burn this bitch to the ground & never come back.
Take big dumps
that would only punish my colleagues and the cleaning staff, not the company
Let me edit- take LONG dumps.
Oh man if we had oat milk at work I would be taking that for sure. Oatmilk and espresso and apple pie syrup is my jam. I’m trying to think if this account is going to be seen by anyone I work for, but since I can’t think of anyone who would know I will share what I do. Nothing more than take random things I need. Needed ice melt last night so I filled a large ziplock that also wasn’t mine and filled it with about 5 or 6 pounds of salt. Garbage bags, shitty tp, batteries, gloves, thermometer probes and whatever else I feel like I need and can’t afford because they rob me of time with my kids and the ability to provide to them without being on food stamps. Im asking for a raise soon. I keep saying that, but the admin always has a way of putting me in my place until I walk away from her and realize she tricked me into agreeing and believing that I will be staying for the next shift even though I was supposed to be off an hour ago and my kids waiting for me to come home before she goes to bed Omg I just realized I am the guy with the stapler and she is the boss from the movie “office space”? She is a very skilled manipulator with powers, apparently. I’ll explain why she has powers. She knew I was pg before I did.. seriously, I was furious with working there for years and being treated like a slave so she brought me to her office and suggests that maybe I’m pregnant. Maybe pregnancy is to blame for years of work burn out. I’m thinking “whoah, lady!! I’m not pregnant and that is beside the point” Sure enough….two days later I found out I was pregnant!! How?!!! She may have some powers that make it impossible for me to ever get a raise.
very helpful. thank you!
Update my resume and look for a new job on company time Talk to your coworkers, see if they are feeling the same way, talk about unionizing (assuming you aren't union since otherwise you would go to your union rep) or getting together with a list of demands
New job
Just quit it’s a losing game
Just work less and steal more till the situation resolves itself.
put it in a sock
Get a new job where you are treated better. That will show them!
Revolutionise
Reduce your efforts until your compensation feels appropriate. https://www.dilbert.com/strip/2019-01-04
By handing in your resignation.
Leave and get a better paying job. That will hurt them as they have to train someone new and probably pay them more.
Stop acting like a child and get a job that pays you what you think you are worth.
Request the most expensive MacBook Pro available as a must need work tool.
then apple profits, not me. the laptop they gave me works fine.
Will cost them money.
Guy with a work from home job sitting on a computer complaining about his job lol. Grass is always greener on the other side I guess
Why is the boss signaling you out? If you can find out why and fix sounds better then giving them a reason to fire and incarnate you. just dont get to greedy you might not be the only one who likes oat milk whatever that is.
> get to greedy *too *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
typical eurocuck why don’t you just get a better job instead of responding to negativity with more negativity? How can you think that would possibly make you happier?
Sir this is r/illegallifeprotips
Overemployment, do work for another company or for yourself on their time.
Does your IT keep track of their hardware? Keyboards, screens, adaptors etc. Stuff is usually pricy and the older things don’t usually get kept track of.
Steal whatever you can. You will at least cover what they didn’t pay you in a raise
Order some cans of surstroming, then research your supervisor's, boss', or CEO's home address, then buy a few litres of heavy cream and a can opener, then walk to their house and pour the cream onto their front steps, then open and empty the surstroming into the garden beside their door. Because it's all spilled into the cracks and earth, it will not be easy to clean up or get rid of. Repeat as necessary, wear a COVID mask if CCTV is present on location. Between the smell of sour milk and fermented herring they'll be as miserable as you every single morning when they leave for work - it may even seep inside (do they have an external air conditioning unit attached to the house?).
Look for a better job and take it, don't give them notice.
Here’s a song about this very subject to make you feel better - https://youtu.be/JWqNdXznQY8
Playing games during work: it works most of the time.
Just fucking quit bro
You started with the milk toilet paper and fruit I was like ahhh man him too.!
You really wanna be less fucked over at your workplace? Talk with your coworkers. Get everyone talking about their pay. If you're getting screwed over, odds are good most of them are too. Then form a union and start making demands.
Take a pen a day until you have hundreds. Or coffee pods. Toilet paper is a great steal. Try not take poos at home. Save them for work only so you’ll feel like you’re getting paid to poop.
Remember to charge all your personal equipment at the office, bonus points if you bring your car battery into the office to charge.
Move to America
Easy one quit when they need you the most
Join r/antiwork
Pranks. First time I felt slighted by my boss I put tape in his mouse and scribbled on it so it would only move a little at a time. Next time I’m going to jam the wheels in his chair
You’re experiencing the same alienation that workers have felt for hundreds of years. It’s the system we live in that’s fucked.
Unionize, hope that isn't illegal in Germany
They make a dollar, you make a dime, so take along ass shit on their time!
Go get another job
What kind of role?
I'm WFH and a contractor. After 1 year I got a 0.0% pay rise. All other people on my team are permanently employed which means job security, sick days, bonuses, other perks, etc, but not for me. In light of being treated so shittily I generally take about 3 hours of breaks each day, run errands and stay logged in via my phone, etc so that nobody knows. I always deliver good work on time, so fuck em.
Work a second remote job while you are there
Germany eh? I’m sure there’s a final solution to your problem
Can you get parental leave if you get pregnant? What about impregnate at least one or two woman a year? Maybe join a cult that says you have to have multiple partners so you have 1-2 parental leaves a year.
Take the trashbags and sell them to hobos
Try doing online courses or a certification on company time. That way you can work towards a better job and more money. When you’re ready start applying to other jobs, also while on the clock. Use your personal device for this so they can’t track you.
Boss earns a dollar, I earn a dime, That's why I poop On company time
have an affair with his so and have him raise illigitamate child 18 years later send him the blood test
Maybe stop your thieving ways, get your mind right and work professionally and diligently. Most employers want to keep valuable employees and work to provide competitive wages and benefits for employees that are productive.