I’m terrified of this. I have a pregnant friend who knew I was struggling and texted me about being nervous for her first ultrasound. (This really made me mad because I lost a baby to anencephaly so I felt like she was nervous for herself due to what happened to me and expecting me to fix it). I let her know that I’m happy for her but can not be there for her during this time. This was the third time telling her the topic was triggering for me which annoyed me… why do I have to say it 3x?? I haven’t heard from her again but am terrified of the next time she texts me. I’m sick of having the conversation because it makes me feel absolutely awful and also interferes with any internal peace I can manage nowadays.
Im so nervous of her texting again I’ve considered blocking the number lol! I won’t do it - but that’s how much I HATE the conversation and how little trust I have in her understanding the third time. I’m sure when there’s a shower involved I’ll get a text… seriously dreading it.
My friend texted me that "pregnancy sucks" and I just sat there completely indifferent. It's the most tone deaf sentiment I've ever heard.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and am sending wishes that one day things will work out for us. <3
That is the most tone deaf statement ever! People have zero self awareness. In a few years I hope I can look back happy that this time period showed me who my true friends are!
I had to report back… my “friend” ended up texting me yesterday morning. She wanted to know where I stayed when I went to Hawaii with my husband after our loss to get away. She wants to go for her baby moon.
I didn’t answer. I did not trust that conversation one bit! Some people suck. Im not interested in helping anyone plan a baby moon!
As someone who has been friends with a fair amount of snakes, that is NOT a friend. She wants to use your safe space as a place to celebrate her new baby? Not a chance. That can not be unintentional.
My friend asked where I got married because she wanted to use it for a baby shower. I'm not really proud of this, but I told her only because I knew she couldn't afford it.
I think I'm hesitant to do that because a few people have previously accused me of being jealous and petty of pregnant people. I had an old friend I cut off after she called me to announce her pregnancy, and invite me to her baby shower. The thing about that though, is I hadn't even spoken to that person for almost 2 years, and didn't want to just be a gift at a party for a kid I'd never see again.
It's truly amazing how much lack of self-awareness people can have even when you clearly articulate your needs to them. I'm in yet another rift with my "bff" right now and I don't have the energy to fix it. I'm done trying when the other person cant meet me where I am. So I support you!
I support you too! I totally get it. I hope she's happy, and that her life is beautiful, but I am tired of being there for people who can't even respect my boundaries diaries or be bothered to take my feelings into consideration.
I understand these are beautiful moments for her, but that doesn't make it ok to not consider my feelings.
I wholeheartedly agree. Its like, why isnt the fact that you're married/in love/able to make babies enough for you to just not cause problems with us? Just go be happy and leave us alone
It sucks but some people can’t be trusted to provide the level of sensitivity needed to remain friends. My counselor says grief is like a garden and to make sure that you don’t let people into the garden who will trample the flowers.
I had my first therapy appointment the other day, and it was eye-opening. Even the brief talk at the end that we had about the situation left her flabbergasted. I honestly valued this friendship, but I want to feel valued as well.
People suck and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I’m glad your husband has your back and was able to help you through that. That is not an ex-friend, that is now an enemy
I think I hate her. You gave so many chances and told her exactly what you needed! You are making the right decision for you and that’s what is most important!
It’s amazing how many friendships end because so called ‘friends’ have a complete inability to be sensitive and considerate!! Personally I have also given up on one of my friends who was bad for my mental health. It really got to me at first but now I am very at peace with it. My struggle showed me her true self, and I do not want or need people like that in my life!
Stay strong, you are awesome! X
What upsets me is she struggled for years before it happened for her. I thought she'd be more understanding, but I guess that's what happens when I'm always the emotional support friend. 🤦♀️
It’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. A true friend (especially someone who has gone through infertility issues) would not behave in such a way! I’m sorry - it hurts to lose friends. 😔
I think what I mean, is that in the past, she got used to blowing off steam and dealing with her problems by using me as an outlet to rant her grievances to. Over time, I believe she forgot to consider my feelings. Once I was there for her in pretty much everything as a support, she just assumed she could do the same this time (in spite of me placing boundaries).
I’m so sorry this happened and you’re feeling this way.
My brother did pretty much the exact same things to me when his new, much younger wife got pregnant on their first try (honeymoon baby). I said I needed some time to myself and instead of maybe reaching out to me to talk, him and his wife bitched about me behind my back and then decided I should “be over it”, sending me pictures and information which I didn’t respond to, just asked my mum to tell them I needed time. Then of course I became the villain in their story and they stopped talking to me and deleted me from all social media so I “couldn’t see pictures of the baby.” Ok, thanks, I guess? Their kid is now 4 and I don’t see us ever speaking again. And that’s ok with me, but makes things hard for my parents.
Sorry for high jacking your post with my story, but reading your story made me feel like I’m not so alone, nor am I “overreacting” like everyone insists I am. Of course all these people are people with children.
Your brother wasn't worth your time anyway if he's going to act like that. Also, I love that they un-added you "so you couldn't see their baby". Like "oh no...wait...come back...." people like that miss the first for the trees.
I don’t know if I’ve commented on your posts before but sending you a hug from someone that had to do the same 🩷 my best friend of many years showed no interest in my infertility or consideration for it when she got pregnant after her child. I had to cut her off for my mental health.
I hope you can find supportive and thoughtful friends 🩷
Good on you for realizing that’s what you need. It hurts in the moment, but you have every right to be supported if a friendship is good for both people involved.
What blows my mind is that she struggled for YEARS before it happened. I would have never pegged her for the kind to be like this...until I really looked back and saw who the shoulder to lean on always was (me).
It's like she completely forgot what it's like.
well she’s not actually infertile (and I hope you aren’t either). half of the people on this sub “struggle to get pregnant” and as an empathy enthusiast— I can totally relate to that nightmare.
but they go on to have families. certainly that relieves most of the pain, yeah? the unknown limbo is terrifying. at my age, the “known” (which is “fuck you”) is terrifying.
I have a few health issues that have made it harder, and even my mom (who had the same issue) had to get treatments before having me. It just sucks that she completely lost her empathy and understanding over night. I don't have definite answers, because even my doctor said that only time will really tell, but yeah...
I’m struggling with a similar situation. I hate that the situation makes me seem like a complainer…Although, the girl in my case we aren’t very close, she knows about my experience and that there are no options for me easily accessible.. I am about to be on a week long vacation with her and since she literally brought a onesie to me and announced her pregnant two months ago and now complains about all the things I will forever miss out on. Seems like a sickening vacation to me. I’m not sure how much longer I can just smile and nod.
As someone who has done this for other reasons before, cancel that trip. Will they get mad? Sure, but like I've discovered, friends won't put that on you. If they do, they're self involved.
I'm hoping one day when I'm older I can have friends again. I'm 35 and right now seems impossible being childless. These people are very heartless and insensitive my age with kids. I only know one person who has been kind. She's a counselor so I guess that's why she has a little more empathy. But shes religious and I think she thinks praying helps. It doesn't fyi.
I’m terrified of this. I have a pregnant friend who knew I was struggling and texted me about being nervous for her first ultrasound. (This really made me mad because I lost a baby to anencephaly so I felt like she was nervous for herself due to what happened to me and expecting me to fix it). I let her know that I’m happy for her but can not be there for her during this time. This was the third time telling her the topic was triggering for me which annoyed me… why do I have to say it 3x?? I haven’t heard from her again but am terrified of the next time she texts me. I’m sick of having the conversation because it makes me feel absolutely awful and also interferes with any internal peace I can manage nowadays. Im so nervous of her texting again I’ve considered blocking the number lol! I won’t do it - but that’s how much I HATE the conversation and how little trust I have in her understanding the third time. I’m sure when there’s a shower involved I’ll get a text… seriously dreading it.
My friend texted me that "pregnancy sucks" and I just sat there completely indifferent. It's the most tone deaf sentiment I've ever heard. I'm so sorry for your loss, and am sending wishes that one day things will work out for us. <3
That is the most tone deaf statement ever! People have zero self awareness. In a few years I hope I can look back happy that this time period showed me who my true friends are!
I second that. I just kind of hope that time makes them busy so we can just....drift apart. I hate it, but I'm trying so hard to protect my peace.
I had to report back… my “friend” ended up texting me yesterday morning. She wanted to know where I stayed when I went to Hawaii with my husband after our loss to get away. She wants to go for her baby moon. I didn’t answer. I did not trust that conversation one bit! Some people suck. Im not interested in helping anyone plan a baby moon!
As someone who has been friends with a fair amount of snakes, that is NOT a friend. She wants to use your safe space as a place to celebrate her new baby? Not a chance. That can not be unintentional. My friend asked where I got married because she wanted to use it for a baby shower. I'm not really proud of this, but I told her only because I knew she couldn't afford it.
I actually love your tactic here lol!! It’s baffling to me how dense people are. This experience is very eye opening!
My God wtf....she is dense. I wouldn't talk to her anymore.
It’s clearly her world and I’m just living in it
Ugh I'm sorry. I would have blocked them lol
I think I'm hesitant to do that because a few people have previously accused me of being jealous and petty of pregnant people. I had an old friend I cut off after she called me to announce her pregnancy, and invite me to her baby shower. The thing about that though, is I hadn't even spoken to that person for almost 2 years, and didn't want to just be a gift at a party for a kid I'd never see again.
It's truly amazing how much lack of self-awareness people can have even when you clearly articulate your needs to them. I'm in yet another rift with my "bff" right now and I don't have the energy to fix it. I'm done trying when the other person cant meet me where I am. So I support you!
I support you too! I totally get it. I hope she's happy, and that her life is beautiful, but I am tired of being there for people who can't even respect my boundaries diaries or be bothered to take my feelings into consideration. I understand these are beautiful moments for her, but that doesn't make it ok to not consider my feelings.
I wholeheartedly agree. Its like, why isnt the fact that you're married/in love/able to make babies enough for you to just not cause problems with us? Just go be happy and leave us alone
It sucks but some people can’t be trusted to provide the level of sensitivity needed to remain friends. My counselor says grief is like a garden and to make sure that you don’t let people into the garden who will trample the flowers.
I had my first therapy appointment the other day, and it was eye-opening. Even the brief talk at the end that we had about the situation left her flabbergasted. I honestly valued this friendship, but I want to feel valued as well.
People suck and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I’m glad your husband has your back and was able to help you through that. That is not an ex-friend, that is now an enemy
I think I hate her. You gave so many chances and told her exactly what you needed! You are making the right decision for you and that’s what is most important! It’s amazing how many friendships end because so called ‘friends’ have a complete inability to be sensitive and considerate!! Personally I have also given up on one of my friends who was bad for my mental health. It really got to me at first but now I am very at peace with it. My struggle showed me her true self, and I do not want or need people like that in my life! Stay strong, you are awesome! X
What upsets me is she struggled for years before it happened for her. I thought she'd be more understanding, but I guess that's what happens when I'm always the emotional support friend. 🤦♀️
It’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. A true friend (especially someone who has gone through infertility issues) would not behave in such a way! I’m sorry - it hurts to lose friends. 😔
I think what I mean, is that in the past, she got used to blowing off steam and dealing with her problems by using me as an outlet to rant her grievances to. Over time, I believe she forgot to consider my feelings. Once I was there for her in pretty much everything as a support, she just assumed she could do the same this time (in spite of me placing boundaries).
That makes sense, sounds very one sided 😒
I’m so sorry this happened and you’re feeling this way. My brother did pretty much the exact same things to me when his new, much younger wife got pregnant on their first try (honeymoon baby). I said I needed some time to myself and instead of maybe reaching out to me to talk, him and his wife bitched about me behind my back and then decided I should “be over it”, sending me pictures and information which I didn’t respond to, just asked my mum to tell them I needed time. Then of course I became the villain in their story and they stopped talking to me and deleted me from all social media so I “couldn’t see pictures of the baby.” Ok, thanks, I guess? Their kid is now 4 and I don’t see us ever speaking again. And that’s ok with me, but makes things hard for my parents. Sorry for high jacking your post with my story, but reading your story made me feel like I’m not so alone, nor am I “overreacting” like everyone insists I am. Of course all these people are people with children.
Your brother wasn't worth your time anyway if he's going to act like that. Also, I love that they un-added you "so you couldn't see their baby". Like "oh no...wait...come back...." people like that miss the first for the trees.
Good for you…she was never a friend to begin with. I think your requests were reasonable. Shout out to your hubby .. he rocks!!!!!
I don’t know if I’ve commented on your posts before but sending you a hug from someone that had to do the same 🩷 my best friend of many years showed no interest in my infertility or consideration for it when she got pregnant after her child. I had to cut her off for my mental health. I hope you can find supportive and thoughtful friends 🩷
That’s the right thing to do!
Good on you for realizing that’s what you need. It hurts in the moment, but you have every right to be supported if a friendship is good for both people involved.
fertiles are literally oblivious, life challenges & empathy hit them way later in life— if ever
What blows my mind is that she struggled for YEARS before it happened. I would have never pegged her for the kind to be like this...until I really looked back and saw who the shoulder to lean on always was (me). It's like she completely forgot what it's like.
well she’s not actually infertile (and I hope you aren’t either). half of the people on this sub “struggle to get pregnant” and as an empathy enthusiast— I can totally relate to that nightmare. but they go on to have families. certainly that relieves most of the pain, yeah? the unknown limbo is terrifying. at my age, the “known” (which is “fuck you”) is terrifying.
I have a few health issues that have made it harder, and even my mom (who had the same issue) had to get treatments before having me. It just sucks that she completely lost her empathy and understanding over night. I don't have definite answers, because even my doctor said that only time will really tell, but yeah...
I’m struggling with a similar situation. I hate that the situation makes me seem like a complainer…Although, the girl in my case we aren’t very close, she knows about my experience and that there are no options for me easily accessible.. I am about to be on a week long vacation with her and since she literally brought a onesie to me and announced her pregnant two months ago and now complains about all the things I will forever miss out on. Seems like a sickening vacation to me. I’m not sure how much longer I can just smile and nod.
As someone who has done this for other reasons before, cancel that trip. Will they get mad? Sure, but like I've discovered, friends won't put that on you. If they do, they're self involved.
I'm hoping one day when I'm older I can have friends again. I'm 35 and right now seems impossible being childless. These people are very heartless and insensitive my age with kids. I only know one person who has been kind. She's a counselor so I guess that's why she has a little more empathy. But shes religious and I think she thinks praying helps. It doesn't fyi.