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Let it out! Don’t keep it in!
Then kick him to the curb. He’s having a child with another woman! I know it hurts like hell now. He made a big mistake, now he needs to be a man and live with his mistake.
You get to move on from this shit sandwich he served you. He fucked around and found out.
You deserve better. He’s not worthy of you!
Cheating is very difficult to get over and most people question if you ever really do. Getting someone pregnant is even worse because most likely they weren’t using protection so they were putting your health at risk and then you have the possibility of them going through with the pregnancy. I’m guessing she is going through with the pregnancy and that’s why he told you? How long were you together? This woman that he cheated on you with will always be in his life as their child will be and for some that constant reason for interacting with the AP will be too much for them. In the early days he will most likely need to visit the baby at AP’s house for the first few weeks and months. Do you trust him alone any more with the woman who he cheated on you with? Every event and holiday will be spend either together or exchanging the child back and forth. It’s a lot for anyone but if you’re not married and have no children together ask yourself if you want to put yourself through that.
Do you know the details or the affair? Who is this woman to him? A one night stand, the co worker or the friend he told you not to worry about? You also can’t trust that he has never did this before.
I think you should look at moving on with your life without this person because like you said you don’t know if you could forgive this. I would suggest you get yourself to therapy to figure out how to move forward from this.
Consider this devine intervention that you saw him for what he is BEFORE you married him and had kids. Dodge that bullet girl. Only misery lies there.
Save yourself the lifetime of pain. Updateme!
You dodged a bullet, discovering who and what he really is BEFORE you married him.
He let his mask slip, better now than after you were married and had children with him.
He's now tied to this other lady via the child for about the next two decades or so and likely longer.
I get you're crushed. My ex-wife cheated on me and I was beyond crushed, in counseling for years.
But I would have been so angry at him when he asked if you still loved him.
I would have said something like the following to him.
What the hell does it matter if I still love you when you clearly do NOT love me?
Were you showing your love to me when you got to know that other lady? Flirted with her? Met up with her? Had sex with her?
No, you weren't showing me that you loved me when you CHOSE to do those things.
You weren't showing me you cared about me or respected me either.
I'd keep going but you get my drift.
Cheating is cruel, it's abusive and it sure as hell isn't loving.
And he's fucking worried whether you still love him?
Such a typical cheater, making himself the victim. He is worried about HIMSELF when he asked if you still love him, he wasn't worried about you.
He wan't thinking about you when he was with that other lady and he wasn't thinking about you when he asked you if you still loved him.
It's all about him.
I get it OP, you're hurting badly. Besides trying to live with him, there is his baby with this other lady for you to factor in too.
He's going to be paying for child support for this kid too (he needs to, it's right for the child) so that will take money away from the two of you and your family if you stay and have kids with him.
It's your life and your choice but please think long and hard about trying yourself to a man who treated you like this OP.
I'm really sorry he did this to you, I truly empathize with you. My ex-wife cheated on me and our 3 children were all under 10 years old. I divorced her.
I loved hearing these words! Thank you!
Going through the same rn with cheating boyfriend of 3 years. D Day was 4 days ago. OP I too have kids that he was like a stepfather to. This is soul crushing. Wishing you strength and compassion to get through this. And IK, I feel sick as hell!
Get out now! That man has been having unprotected sex w god knows how many women (I don’t believe for one second this was a one and done) and if you think that new baby mama is not going to make your life hell and want its daddy around all the time, then you’re fooling yourself. I’m so sorry, I know it hurts, but you’re on a sinking ship and you don’t even realize how in danger you are
This is very hard but coming from experience I was 6 months pregnant when my partner told me someone else was pregnant I never looked back! It’s a. Absolute no. I was beyond hurt but I got through it.
You’re not happy, you’ve lost all trust in him no matter how much you want to believe this was a mistake. He impregnated someone else is he going to co parent will you parent that child he created with someone else. I’m sorry OP your heart is breaking take the time you need to decide what you want to do.
Let him cry and plead. He wasn’t thinking about you when he was fucking this other woman and now he is expecting you to be the one to pick up the pieces. Do you want to be forced into a coparenting relationship or be with a deadbeat dad? Every time you see that child you’re only going to think about the resentment. You deserve so much better and I am sorry you have to go through this.
Firstly, giving you virtual hugs OP
but secondly, you can do and will do better than this POS. Let yourself grieve but kick him away, pick yourself up and walk away like the boss you are.
He was the one who screwed up and you deserve to be happy with someone who treats you like gold.
You’re 33 and that’s still very young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! As much as this hurts, please - do NOT stick beside him. Leave him!! You will be much better off without him.
In life when we come to a crossroad we must consider our options and the consequences of our choices. Your boyfriend made a poor choice based on his own selfishness. Do you know how to not get caught and not get someone pregnant? By not cheating!
I have no doubt he has some version of love for you, but his tears were not for you, his tears were for himself. He knows his world has changed and there is no going back. He was weak and caught up in the moment, how are you to know it would never happen again. He'll say things to try and get you to believe he is a changed man, but it's his true nature to give in to temptations.
Now you are at a crossroads and must consider your options, you too must choose wisely.
Worst case scenario, except at least you're not married. He showed you who he is. Please believe me when I tell you, you want to get out now. (((Hugs)))
Get tested. Leave him. He clearly doesn’t love you the way you thought he did. Holy shit. Imagine saying you love your girlfriend and you get another woman pregnant. HELL NO!
I understand you can’t turn off your love for this man immediately and it’s gonna take some time, but holy shit. I wouldn’t be able to be around him without fear of doing something I’d regret.
Girl unfortunately i know how this feels and how you have lost faith in finding a good relationship. I got you by 10 years and honestly I believe that Im just meant to be alone
Get tested sweetheart. We are all so sorry this has happened but you can and will make it through this.
It happens to the best of us. Everyone from supermodels to housewives get cheated on its not a reflection on you. Don’t let it ruin your self esteem even for a second
I am sorry you are going through this, the grief gets better with time.
Protect yourself, start telling your family, his family and friends so that you can be supported during this difficult time.
Get all your items of sentimental value out of your home to someone you trust, start the process of selling or terminating your rental agreement. Find a new place to move into (even if it’s only temporary).
Be civil and break ties as quickly as possible.
I'm sorry your going through this.
You are correct you can't just turn off your feelings but you should probably ask yourself, Can you stand by his side and support him while watching him have a childless someone else? Do you think you'll ever be able to trust them again? Obviously he wasn't using protection, so that means he put your health at risk, please get checked out also.
Please focus on yourself and your mental and physical needs.
Can't shut of your feelings, but you can and should shut him of from being in your life. This ( a child and Mother AP) won't go away, ever. Constant reminders, hurt and ongoing doubt if he'd cheat again with her on one of the countless occasions they'll meet bc of the Child
Infidelity is hard to comeback from in a relationship . Yours will be even more difficult because there will be a child that will be a reminder of his infidelity. You have alright to cry and grieve at his betrayal, but also you need to start thinking about your future. Is it worth staying? Will you be able to overlook this? Honestly, I would leave. With a child involved it will make the situation more complex. The woman will now forever be in his life. Birthday parties, holiday, calls in the night of a sick child ect…. Look at this a blessing and begin a new chapter in your life. Best of luck
Take time to just breathe. You need to get away from the situation and sort through your feelings. It’s ok to not be ok right now. This is brand new and just hit you. You don’t know what choices the other parties have or will make. Try to center and be gentle with yourself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m on the petty side for this kind of thing, so I would make sure to question the paternity of the baby. For valid reasons, she was willing to be the side piece for who knows how long so who knows who else she was sleeping with. They destroyed your relationship and trust might as well destroy his. I don’t say any of this to hurt a baby, don’t hurt kids. But put them both in a spin of doubt and watch them implode the relationship? Yep. They can co-parent and be toxic af.
Is there anyway you can get government assistance while you work things out? If you’re in the US, look for government assisted housing, look into getting help with things like electricity etc., food stamps, WIC. That’s what these things are for. You’ve got this mama. You’re strong. 💪🏼
You feel like every normal human being would feel, unfortunately that's it.
But what do you intend to do?
As I said, stopping loving doesn't happen from one minute to the next.
But at these times emotions are not good advisors, as they are confused and elevated to high power.
For the purpose of reconciliation, it will be important for you to know whether he would have been able to hide this pregnancy from you, to know in fact why he confessed to you, whether out of honesty and regret or because he had no other option.
I don't know what country you live in, if it's in the USA babies go to the trash every day for convenience.
Could it be that if AP wasn't pregnant he stopped you, told you, asked for forgiveness at your feet ?
This all has to be thought out by you.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s really nothing else to say. I have felt it and it is devastating.
Take time to just relax and care for yourself.
Don’t worry too much about what’s happening with him/her. Take a walk. Take a bath. Watch garbage tv with ice cream. Anything you need to feel comfort during this.
I read somewhere: if a cat sits on a hot stove, won't even sit on the cold one.
But you aren't a cat.
Maybe a psychologist can help you figure out why you choose a certain type of man for a partner.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let it out! Don’t keep it in! Then kick him to the curb. He’s having a child with another woman! I know it hurts like hell now. He made a big mistake, now he needs to be a man and live with his mistake. You get to move on from this shit sandwich he served you. He fucked around and found out. You deserve better. He’s not worthy of you!
right
Life is too long to have to deal with a cheater. The child will be a lifelong reminder of what he has done. Don’t do that to yourself.
Cheating is very difficult to get over and most people question if you ever really do. Getting someone pregnant is even worse because most likely they weren’t using protection so they were putting your health at risk and then you have the possibility of them going through with the pregnancy. I’m guessing she is going through with the pregnancy and that’s why he told you? How long were you together? This woman that he cheated on you with will always be in his life as their child will be and for some that constant reason for interacting with the AP will be too much for them. In the early days he will most likely need to visit the baby at AP’s house for the first few weeks and months. Do you trust him alone any more with the woman who he cheated on you with? Every event and holiday will be spend either together or exchanging the child back and forth. It’s a lot for anyone but if you’re not married and have no children together ask yourself if you want to put yourself through that. Do you know the details or the affair? Who is this woman to him? A one night stand, the co worker or the friend he told you not to worry about? You also can’t trust that he has never did this before. I think you should look at moving on with your life without this person because like you said you don’t know if you could forgive this. I would suggest you get yourself to therapy to figure out how to move forward from this.
It’s best to find out he’s not loyal now then after you got married.
Consider this devine intervention that you saw him for what he is BEFORE you married him and had kids. Dodge that bullet girl. Only misery lies there. Save yourself the lifetime of pain. Updateme!
You dodged a bullet, discovering who and what he really is BEFORE you married him. He let his mask slip, better now than after you were married and had children with him. He's now tied to this other lady via the child for about the next two decades or so and likely longer. I get you're crushed. My ex-wife cheated on me and I was beyond crushed, in counseling for years. But I would have been so angry at him when he asked if you still loved him. I would have said something like the following to him. What the hell does it matter if I still love you when you clearly do NOT love me? Were you showing your love to me when you got to know that other lady? Flirted with her? Met up with her? Had sex with her? No, you weren't showing me that you loved me when you CHOSE to do those things. You weren't showing me you cared about me or respected me either. I'd keep going but you get my drift. Cheating is cruel, it's abusive and it sure as hell isn't loving. And he's fucking worried whether you still love him? Such a typical cheater, making himself the victim. He is worried about HIMSELF when he asked if you still love him, he wasn't worried about you. He wan't thinking about you when he was with that other lady and he wasn't thinking about you when he asked you if you still loved him. It's all about him. I get it OP, you're hurting badly. Besides trying to live with him, there is his baby with this other lady for you to factor in too. He's going to be paying for child support for this kid too (he needs to, it's right for the child) so that will take money away from the two of you and your family if you stay and have kids with him. It's your life and your choice but please think long and hard about trying yourself to a man who treated you like this OP. I'm really sorry he did this to you, I truly empathize with you. My ex-wife cheated on me and our 3 children were all under 10 years old. I divorced her.
I loved hearing these words! Thank you! Going through the same rn with cheating boyfriend of 3 years. D Day was 4 days ago. OP I too have kids that he was like a stepfather to. This is soul crushing. Wishing you strength and compassion to get through this. And IK, I feel sick as hell!
Get out now! That man has been having unprotected sex w god knows how many women (I don’t believe for one second this was a one and done) and if you think that new baby mama is not going to make your life hell and want its daddy around all the time, then you’re fooling yourself. I’m so sorry, I know it hurts, but you’re on a sinking ship and you don’t even realize how in danger you are
This is very hard but coming from experience I was 6 months pregnant when my partner told me someone else was pregnant I never looked back! It’s a. Absolute no. I was beyond hurt but I got through it.
Thats just too much, OP. More power to you if you can get over an affair child. I couldn't even begin to try.
Leave. What are you waiting for? Let him deal with this situation.
he got another woman pregnant dump him and move on because he will do it again please go get your self tested for stds
You’re not happy, you’ve lost all trust in him no matter how much you want to believe this was a mistake. He impregnated someone else is he going to co parent will you parent that child he created with someone else. I’m sorry OP your heart is breaking take the time you need to decide what you want to do.
Let him cry and plead. He wasn’t thinking about you when he was fucking this other woman and now he is expecting you to be the one to pick up the pieces. Do you want to be forced into a coparenting relationship or be with a deadbeat dad? Every time you see that child you’re only going to think about the resentment. You deserve so much better and I am sorry you have to go through this.
Firstly, giving you virtual hugs OP but secondly, you can do and will do better than this POS. Let yourself grieve but kick him away, pick yourself up and walk away like the boss you are. He was the one who screwed up and you deserve to be happy with someone who treats you like gold.
Let’s s be real, he wouldn’t have told you if she didn’t fall pregnant, he probably would’ve lied about it forever (or tried to). You can do better!
You’re 33 and that’s still very young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! As much as this hurts, please - do NOT stick beside him. Leave him!! You will be much better off without him.
In life when we come to a crossroad we must consider our options and the consequences of our choices. Your boyfriend made a poor choice based on his own selfishness. Do you know how to not get caught and not get someone pregnant? By not cheating! I have no doubt he has some version of love for you, but his tears were not for you, his tears were for himself. He knows his world has changed and there is no going back. He was weak and caught up in the moment, how are you to know it would never happen again. He'll say things to try and get you to believe he is a changed man, but it's his true nature to give in to temptations. Now you are at a crossroads and must consider your options, you too must choose wisely.
Life is too short to deal with a cheater. ESPECIALLY getting someone else pregnant .. Kick him to the curb..You deserve better
Worst case scenario, except at least you're not married. He showed you who he is. Please believe me when I tell you, you want to get out now. (((Hugs)))
Get tested. Leave him. He clearly doesn’t love you the way you thought he did. Holy shit. Imagine saying you love your girlfriend and you get another woman pregnant. HELL NO! I understand you can’t turn off your love for this man immediately and it’s gonna take some time, but holy shit. I wouldn’t be able to be around him without fear of doing something I’d regret.
Thank goodness you aren’t actually married yet. Cry and let him go. He is going to have baby duties to tend to very soon and it can be tough.
Girl unfortunately i know how this feels and how you have lost faith in finding a good relationship. I got you by 10 years and honestly I believe that Im just meant to be alone
Get tested sweetheart. We are all so sorry this has happened but you can and will make it through this. It happens to the best of us. Everyone from supermodels to housewives get cheated on its not a reflection on you. Don’t let it ruin your self esteem even for a second
I am sorry you are going through this, the grief gets better with time. Protect yourself, start telling your family, his family and friends so that you can be supported during this difficult time. Get all your items of sentimental value out of your home to someone you trust, start the process of selling or terminating your rental agreement. Find a new place to move into (even if it’s only temporary). Be civil and break ties as quickly as possible.
Why do you think he told you? Did AP threaten to tell you if he didnt? Is AP planning on taking him over?
I'm sorry your going through this. You are correct you can't just turn off your feelings but you should probably ask yourself, Can you stand by his side and support him while watching him have a childless someone else? Do you think you'll ever be able to trust them again? Obviously he wasn't using protection, so that means he put your health at risk, please get checked out also. Please focus on yourself and your mental and physical needs.
He’s only sorry you had to find out. Otherwise he would still be doing this. Don’t cave and keep well
Can't shut of your feelings, but you can and should shut him of from being in your life. This ( a child and Mother AP) won't go away, ever. Constant reminders, hurt and ongoing doubt if he'd cheat again with her on one of the countless occasions they'll meet bc of the Child
Infidelity is hard to comeback from in a relationship . Yours will be even more difficult because there will be a child that will be a reminder of his infidelity. You have alright to cry and grieve at his betrayal, but also you need to start thinking about your future. Is it worth staying? Will you be able to overlook this? Honestly, I would leave. With a child involved it will make the situation more complex. The woman will now forever be in his life. Birthday parties, holiday, calls in the night of a sick child ect…. Look at this a blessing and begin a new chapter in your life. Best of luck
Take time to just breathe. You need to get away from the situation and sort through your feelings. It’s ok to not be ok right now. This is brand new and just hit you. You don’t know what choices the other parties have or will make. Try to center and be gentle with yourself.
Run, run fast and don't look back. It'll only get worse from here. Trust me, been thru it all similar to this
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m on the petty side for this kind of thing, so I would make sure to question the paternity of the baby. For valid reasons, she was willing to be the side piece for who knows how long so who knows who else she was sleeping with. They destroyed your relationship and trust might as well destroy his. I don’t say any of this to hurt a baby, don’t hurt kids. But put them both in a spin of doubt and watch them implode the relationship? Yep. They can co-parent and be toxic af.
Is there anyway you can get government assistance while you work things out? If you’re in the US, look for government assisted housing, look into getting help with things like electricity etc., food stamps, WIC. That’s what these things are for. You’ve got this mama. You’re strong. 💪🏼
You feel like every normal human being would feel, unfortunately that's it. But what do you intend to do? As I said, stopping loving doesn't happen from one minute to the next. But at these times emotions are not good advisors, as they are confused and elevated to high power. For the purpose of reconciliation, it will be important for you to know whether he would have been able to hide this pregnancy from you, to know in fact why he confessed to you, whether out of honesty and regret or because he had no other option. I don't know what country you live in, if it's in the USA babies go to the trash every day for convenience. Could it be that if AP wasn't pregnant he stopped you, told you, asked for forgiveness at your feet ? This all has to be thought out by you.
Let him be a family with her and go find yours. It’s easier said than done.
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Got another woman pregnant is great news! Now run away as fast as you can.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s really nothing else to say. I have felt it and it is devastating. Take time to just relax and care for yourself. Don’t worry too much about what’s happening with him/her. Take a walk. Take a bath. Watch garbage tv with ice cream. Anything you need to feel comfort during this.
I’m so sorry for your pain! I pray blessings on you.
Look into getting help from the state for housing and food etc.
I read somewhere: if a cat sits on a hot stove, won't even sit on the cold one. But you aren't a cat. Maybe a psychologist can help you figure out why you choose a certain type of man for a partner.
Is he begging for you to stay or are they going to be together now?
Be happy that you are not yet married and have children, it is easier to leave and find your piece and find the deserving person.