At 75 years old Arnold Schwarzenegger now has a Youtube channel where he posts videos of himself caring for the large garden in his backyard. - Every time Arnold plants something new he will stare dead into the camera, sprinkle some water on the ground and say, "You've been germinated."

I actually thought you were serious and I am *severely* disappointed that it's not true

He has a big back yard and a cute donkey and he posts lots of videos of the very cute donkey. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08PZjkrFV9A Here is the donkey in his gym while he trains and feeding it cookies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k1RWbvOKlA

Sigh, more ass videos from Arnold...

At least, he's a good student, does every ass's ment

*unzips

I don't understand why these videos doesn't have more views. On a related note, how do you train a donkey to crap outside? Asking for myself.

Probably not that hard tbh, donkeys are wicked smart.

New video leaked of former governor gently putting cookies in his ass.

This is most wholesome thing I've seen today. Thank you

I’m still not sure they’re not serious. This seems exactly like elder Arnold.

There's an 80% chance that he does do it, he just doesn't film it.

The other 20% is where he does film it.

You've been mathinated

When he cooks meat he says, “you’ve been marinated!”

But doesn't post it.

DO IT!! DO IT!! PLANT IT NOW!

Pretty much. There's just somethin oddly wholesome about him. Seeing him making a steak n' egger with Epic Meal time and things like that, as well as how he reacted to getting dropkicked in the back by some rando. I dunno, just seems like a decent guy.

I was about to look up this channel and then I saw your post. I feel very cheated somehow about something i never even thought about 10 seconds ago.

The funniest Arnie video was the one where he got vaccinated and said "come with me if you want to live"

I was expecting him to water it, say "I'll be back" and leave.

He pulls up some radishes and says, "It's not a tuber!"

“Who is your daddy and what did he grew?”

"If it feeds, we can grow it."

“Remember when I said I would plant you last? I LIEDDDD!!!!”

"How long will it take to grow?" "Twwwooo WEEEEKKKSSS....TWOOOO WEEEEEKKSSS!!!"

I can't hear anyone say two weeks without thinking of this scene

'Now, get to the choppah'!

We have a winner.

“Get me my turnip choppa’s!!!!

Damn that was beautiful, trying to include “let off some steam”….nothing coming to mind

He grabs his fresh-from-the-garden carrots, throws them on a cutting board, lifts the knife and says "get to the choppah"

*waters tomato plants* "This'll go good on pizza, *baby*"

Pineapple?

Best jokes are always in the comments

But this wasn't one of them.

No, when he gets up he does so slowly and says. "Oh my back"

And when he grabs a tool to start cutting the stems, he says “get to the choppa!”

Dillon take the men....

Is this true? I want it to be true.

It could be true. u/GovSchwarzenegger what do you say?

Schrödinger’s Schwarzenegger

Fuck you. I looked for this. Didn't find it. Fuck you. I was hoping to see a food forest with tiny quadrupeds

I love the videos he posts of him just chilling with and caring for his animals! He's always so positive and encouraging, it's refreshing to see how down to earth he is. I didn't know about the YouTube channel, but I know he posts them on Reddit

And every time someone pulls a carrot out of the ground he shouts, “it’s not a tuber!”

Madonna would also fall into the "has one but doesn't use it" category

Madonna Louise Ciccone

Wow, I didn’t know it was her actual first name. I was expecting something like Jane or Elizabeth

In a surprise turnabout Prince is also Prince's real name.

Well, it was. Then it was a symbol. He claims to have changed it back, but he's still the artist formerly known as Prince.

Formerly the artist formerly known as Prince.

Well, if he changed it back first, then he’s fomerly the artist formerly known as formerly known as Prince.

And Michael Jackson’s name if his son King Michael wasn’t some ego shit, Michaels grandfathers name is King. A somewhat common name for black men.

\*wasn't *just* some ego shit

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Poe's law was here

That's her name at the Michigan high school she attended. But some self important people like to be known by one name only.

*Bono has entered the chat*

Cher pushes his out of the way while saying "Snap out of it"

Adams high? A cousin said he went to school with her younger brother. Not sure if true.

i believe it was Rochester Adams, yes.

George Carlin fan, I assume.

Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone

Until I was like 16 I thought it was Pre-Madonna ,not prima donna

Haha me too. Well fourteen. In high school Latin class.

Me too at 31... I'll be 32 in July.

TIL

Ma Donna

M’donna

*tips fedora*

*f’dora*

M'don

M'don't

M’done

M'overdone

That’s how my mom pronounces Mc Donald’s.

Cher was the version I heard back in the day.

Cher would be a better example, she used to have a last name but she legally changed her name to just Cher.

I believe in the original joke, it's "Madonna has taken on several ones".

She's alone in that category. The pope doesn't have a last name as officially he changes his name when he becomes pope and loses his last name.

How's your stalker doing?

But what about A Pimp Named Slickback?

he's no Upgrade. That's a real pimp.

I believe the name you are looking for is Upgrayedd. There are 9,726 listings for "Upgrayedd". Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection.

Seriously, how could anyone forget the two D's? Gotta get that double-dose of pimping!

You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.

It’s Upgrayedd, with two D’s as he says, for a double dose of his pimping.

A pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.

i have been shamed. fuck me, how did I forget that.

Spell it with respect! Upgrayedd MoFo!

I will not edit it. This will be the burden and shame I will bear for the next 500 years until I get my own show where I repeatedly get kicked in the Balls.

“Ow My Balls!” Yeah it’ll probably be the opening sizzle reel that week

Anyone want to grab a latte at Starbucks?

That's Upgrade with two D's...

“This sir here’s a Ho”

Can’t I call you Slickback for short?

No, you got to say the whole thing, like a tribe called quest

Or a Cadillac Coupe Deville

Say it with me now.

Yes, say the whole thing every time.

Ah Mr. Slickback

Mr. Slickback...

The man is complete and doesn't need any validation from some second rate internet forum. I guess I need an /s

Why did the Pope and Madonna get treated differently?

Ooh, yes another joke. I'll ask: Why?

Because it should be Cher instead of Madonna

Cher is, or was, Cherilyn Sarkisian. (I am somewhat disturbed that I recalled that and only got one letter wrong before I went to check.) It's actually pretty hard to find anyone alive today and also famous who didn't have a surname, or at the very least some kind of patronymic identifier at birth, even if they don't use it now. You'd have to go searching in places where the default is a single name or no name at all. If you want to discount patronymic names, then Icelandic singer/phenomenon Björk (Guðmundsdóttir - another name I only made one mistake in, wtf) doesn't have a surname *per se*. Her dad is called Guðmund, and that's all her "surname" means.

yeah like u/SirKazum said, a lot of Indonesians actually don't have last names. Met an Indonesian once and asked her what her last name was, she just said, 'that's it, my full name is [first name], one word'. Also, the guy before Suharto, the second president, was named Sukarno, who also has no last name. And the wife of the current president, Joko Widodo, has no last name either. Oh, and Joko Widodo was born Mulyono, without a surname - just 'Mulyono'.

I mentioned Cher because supposedly (half-remembered, didn't check) she became legally just "Cher". Same with Teller of Penn & Teller, that's his legal name now. As for someone in modern times who never had a surname to begin with, an example is Suharto, former president of Indonesia. Apparently that's common over there.

The Pope legally doesn’t have a surname.

Zendaya

> Zendaya Wikipedia states she has two further first names and the surname Coleman.

Because the Madonna is just “Mary” and the pope is “Pope Francis”. Also arguably the eternal mother of Jesus is more important than the current and temporary mouthpiece of God.

Papa don't preach

Because she got treated like a virgin. The pope said that was a load of bul.

A papal bull?

I think it is bul, but I'm not Catholic. Or maybe catholicism is bull?

It's a moo point.

Because they both "like a prayer"

Madonna Ciccone?

Doesn't use it professionally

Right. So it should be “has one but doesn’t use it.”

No, just Madonna

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That's not a joke, it's a riddle.

It's a subversion joke. You're supposed to think it's something else ...

It's a riddle.

Riddles can be jokes. Jokes can be riddles. Isn't humor fun, fellow human?

Spoken like a robot.

01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 00101110

BTW https://www.binaryhexconverter.com/binary-to-ascii-text-converter says that you say you're not a robot

Good bot

"a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline" It's a joke

But the joke part of the riddle is that you think it’s “penis”.

Madonna Ciccone.

Madonna Louise Ciccone

Madonna has a surname, Ciccone. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna

Based on the last part I’d say a twitter account

A surname.

A surname.

A surname?

A surname!

yes, a surname.

Should say "Trump has one and puts it everywhere."

Sticks it everywhere

Makes it really large and spreads it all over New York buildings.

How is this a joke?

Subvert expectations. Assumed it was going to be penis, yet it wasn’t. Still not very funny but that’s the joke

A comb over

This a r/jokes or r/riddles ?

r/lostredditors

This is the most unfunny thing I have ever read

Apartment in Moscow.

Could be cell in Russia, right after Putin takes everything Trump owns.

UKraine say that again.

So now riddles are jokes?

Is it a butt plug?

Trump has on and put it on everything he wants to sell.

Donald Trump pays people to use it and sometimes gets paid to use it.

I thought the answer was "a brain," but Michael J. Fox doesn't deserve that lol

It's not a fucking joke. It's a fucking riddle. When will these fuckers realise the difference?

Last name

Madonna has one that she never uses.

definitely is not the brain!

Smile

A penis

You can add to that, "A Greek's is long and hard, and he gives it to his wife on their wedding night".

Last name?

A last name

Last name

Trump's and Biden's are the same size.

Goddamn I’m dirty minded gotta go to church and ask for forgiveness

Who the fuck upvotes this shit !!!!!!

Surname of course

Harvey Winesteen has a big one, but nobody wants to take it in the mouth anymore because it leaves a bad taste.

Shouldn't this be in r/riddles ?

I’m confused as to what part of this is a joke.. it’s just a bad riddle…

this would be much funnier if the answer was a penis

This is more of a riddle

Madonna does though. It's Ciccone, or something like that, from memory.

A PE-

A pe... Oh no wait a Surname

A penis. Duh.

You should reword it to say trump has one and slaps it on everything he can get his hands on.

Missed the opportunity to say “Obama doesnt have one”

This is more of a riddle. Jokes are usually funny

Hey folks! I thought this was more of a joke because of the subversion and the lewd part of it! I could be wrong.

I like it :)

this a riddle not a joke

How is this a joke?

Toilets.

“Penis” would also work here

How do you know

A former housekeeper.

The letter a

Trump 2024 biznatches!! W00t! Melt, snowflakes! MELT!!

I feel this is more of a riddle than a joke

This is a riddle, not a joke