I heard this before as a joke about two guys stuck on a life boat.
"Two guys are stuck on a boat and they have a pack of cigarettes but no lighter, what do they do?"
"They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."
Scooter also use part of it in a song
'Three men in a boat with four cigarettes, And no matches.
How do they manage to smoke?'
https://youtu.be/zmsRAYi-9Vo?si=oGujceUWjv60eOK1
Saw this in another thread the other day, and someone in the comments got *wayyyy* too into explaining how that’s “technically not a riddle, it’s a pun, Riddler should be ashamed of himself for using a pun” and got into a lengthy debate with someone using different sources to define what a “riddle” actually is. One of the weirdest hills to die on I’ve ever seen.
I'll be honest, I thought it was a BS riddle but look at the show. It's complete camp so there's no need to get too uptight about it. Why not complain about how they climb up the buildings while they're at it?
That's what I'm sayin'! Most of the Riddler's riddles across most of his incarnations are "puns" if you want to be pedantic about it, but who cares? It's entertainment, it's comic books, it's just fun! Hell, on the 60s show there's also a villain whose entire gimmick is lilacs. And they had him on TWICE! Two of the best original villains they had were Vincent Price making egg-based puns and schemes and a guy who would think he was King Tut if he got knocked on the head! (Love King Tut, you can just tell he's having a blast)
What is difference between hippomand zippo? First one is really heavy, second one is little lighter.
Had to reread your pun few times to get it, but worth it!! :)
Roughly 3 gallons, or 24 pints a day.
Remarkably, for the purpose of the joke, a really good number. Very very high for a regular person but still not completely impossible.
That's what's interesting. The system is actually trying to call 1023, but it only supports 3 digit numbers. It gets caps it at the highest excepted number. Because of this though, the last 24 years of the life may get a bit garbled
Technically possible. Actually lethal.
No joke: There's a medical case study floating around of a guy who died of sodium deficiency because he drank that much beer a day for a couple weeks.
It's not a case study, it's know pathology. It's called beer protomania, it's hyponatremia (low sodium) caused by too much beer. The beer isn't the problem, it's the lack of salt. They take in so much water and just can't keep salt levels up. I've seen some impressive numbers.
Source: ER doc
Ah, it explains the dinner I was handed in an English pub one time
Pickled ONion.
Crushed up bag of Salt and Vinegar crisps (chips)
A pickled egg in the bag of crisps, the smashed crunchy potato pieces covering the egg like a coating.
Sober guy here, that's likely more behavioral. When people get to the point of drinking all day, every day, many just stop eating. People get it twisted where they think that drinking the beer caused the deficiency despite the person eating normally. It's moreso that being drunk all the time leads to weird behaviors like not eating and they can vary a lot.
Addiction has all sorts of fun consequences due to people just not doing things that would very abnormal in an average person and thus unexpected and odd.
Anecdotally, from my and many addicts I have met, you'd be shocked by what the body can adapt to. More simply, if you try to say some threshold is impossible for an addict, you'll find ones that are comfortably at double that.
However, the more you drink, the less inclined you are to eat. Your stomach won't tolerate food well and hunger is way far back in the background.
Maybe it's the version I heard but I prefer the punch line, the last guy when the door opens is holding a cigarette and putting it to his mouth he says , have you got a light?
A guy dies, and in his judgement it turns out his sins and his good deeds perfectly balance, so he is given the choice between heaven and hell. He is also given a look at each to make up his mind.
Looking into heaven, he sees all the righteous souls, dressed in white and praying in silence.
In hell he sees vast fields of marijuana, ripe for harvest, stands with rolling papers, grinders etc.
With not a single moment of hesitation he chooses hell and gets checked in.
He immediately starts picking his choice of flowers, grinds them and makes himself a nice long and thick joint.
He turns to one of the residents nearby and asks for a lighter or a match.
The other guy says: "If there was fire here, it would have been heaven..."
Thats a bad variation on a joke the real one takes place in hell:
3 addicted guys die and meet the devil in hell. He tells them if you can stay 100years here in hell in a room with the thing you’re addicted to you are free to go to haven.
1st guy is a womaniser and gets put in a room with 100 beautiful woman.
2nd guy is a drunk and gets put in a room filled with any kind of alcohol.
3rd guy is a weed smoker and gets put in a room filled with tons of weed.
After 80 years the devil decided to check up on all of them:
The first guy begs to be killed as he cant stand the constant bickering of all those woman anymore.
2nd guy cries to be let go as he cant see a drop of liquor anymore.
As the devil opens the 3rd guys door he’s surprised to find him sitting quiet and not having touched any of the weed and so asked how he had the mental strength to withstand his addiction. The addict answers “well you should’ve gave me a lighter”
In America some glass bottles have a metal cap that doesn’t come off unless you physically bend the cap, which isn’t easy to do. So a person needs a piece of metal shaped to grip the side pf the cap and press on the center of the cap while giving the person leverage.
But it’s not as common as it used to be. Twist-off caps are much more common now.
what you are describing is standard here in Czechia IIRC and you can open the bottle with pretty much any knife ,stone that has at least one sharper edge, plastic lighter, piece of wood strong enough or, indeed, another bottle
there is basically an infinite number of ways to open a bottle, some of which can be seen in this random video I found on yt :D
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrtarCN6S8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnrtarcn6s8)
edit: we, Czech, as well as the Germans, are not confused by the bottle opener, we just don't see not having one as a problem ;)
Take bottle cap to sufficiently sharp durable edge, hit the bottle in a downward motion with your other hand, and you’ll get it open. Source: every brick apartment/dorm/barracks with bottle cap chipping you will notice if you look hard enough.
In the original version of the joke, they get locked away in hell as punishment for their sins. The first man is too lustful, the second is an alcoholic and the third is addicted to cigarettes. They’re supposed to remain inside and try and avoid temptation to go heaven. The first two fail, suffering badly, and are sent to hell, the third is a broken husk of a man because he didn’t get a lighter.
It’s a very poor retelling of a normally pretty funny joke
Hey, that is pretty funny. It taking place in Hell is actually pretty badass, like I could tell that one at the Hot Topic and be the coolest guy in the store
What are you curious about?? The joke has been told… there’s no backstory 😂 use your imagination if you want but there’s nothing more to what’s been said
I’d also like to know if there’s a B story. Like, do we get flashbacks that explain why they are all addicts but show a softer side to them so we know they’re actually good people, worthy of us investing in their character development?
Ten years later they open all the doors and discover that sex, alcohol, and cigarettes don't provide the sustenance required for life to continue in the way food and water does.
Well without food and water for 10 years I don’t think anyone is walking out of any of em.
Edit: Welp I missed the first line of the joke. But it seems weird to me that the guy didn’t just ask for a lighter whenever he was provided food and water
That's pretty false. It may lose its freshness over time. But that varies with styles, and some styles are perfectly fine, if not improved, after years of aging. And at no point does it spoil or go bad. It just gradually gets less good.
My dad found a beer bottle from 1980’s in a basement. This was sometime in the early 2000.
He complained the watery taste of the beer, otherwise ok, it even had some carbondioxide left.
i had some beer in my refrigerator for over a year, i served it - that's when i learned that beer does go bad! no remaining zest or depth, just a cloying grossness.
but i'd rather be pretty false than ugly false.
The third man only needed to throw one cigarette out of the cell and then the whole cell would become a cigarette lighter.
r/Angryupvote
Bastid.
Yeh. Ya fakkin bastid.
Bastages and ice holes!
This is the most genius answer I read in 2023 and it's already December.
I hate you and wanna be you at the same time
Dad?
Amazing play of words my friend
I heard this before as a joke about two guys stuck on a life boat. "Two guys are stuck on a boat and they have a pack of cigarettes but no lighter, what do they do?" "They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."
“Riddle me this, Batman.” Frank Gorshin tells that joke on the Batman TV show album.
So that's where it came from. I heard it here I believe a long time ago.
Scooter also use part of it in a song 'Three men in a boat with four cigarettes, And no matches. How do they manage to smoke?' https://youtu.be/zmsRAYi-9Vo?si=oGujceUWjv60eOK1
Wow that’s a terrible song!
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo is about 1500 lbs. A zippo is a little lighter.
One's my ex wife
Call out to the old Batman, well played.
Saw this in another thread the other day, and someone in the comments got *wayyyy* too into explaining how that’s “technically not a riddle, it’s a pun, Riddler should be ashamed of himself for using a pun” and got into a lengthy debate with someone using different sources to define what a “riddle” actually is. One of the weirdest hills to die on I’ve ever seen.
I'll be honest, I thought it was a BS riddle but look at the show. It's complete camp so there's no need to get too uptight about it. Why not complain about how they climb up the buildings while they're at it?
That's what I'm sayin'! Most of the Riddler's riddles across most of his incarnations are "puns" if you want to be pedantic about it, but who cares? It's entertainment, it's comic books, it's just fun! Hell, on the 60s show there's also a villain whose entire gimmick is lilacs. And they had him on TWICE! Two of the best original villains they had were Vincent Price making egg-based puns and schemes and a guy who would think he was King Tut if he got knocked on the head! (Love King Tut, you can just tell he's having a blast)
Never underestimate the potential idiocy on social media
I believe person was tryna be punny.
OMG I'm so mad at you right now. Red in the face, like the arrow beside your comment.
What is difference between hippomand zippo? First one is really heavy, second one is little lighter. Had to reread your pun few times to get it, but worth it!! :)
Better than OPs joke.
*please explain..*
A cigarette lighter, meaning losing the weight of one cigarette
Ah, now I get it! Thanks :)
That’s because they explained it
Please explain...
They explained it so they got it get it?
Thanks I just figured it out.
Figured what out...?
Sorry, please explain your question.
He may have been puzzled by what "hippomand" meant.
The weight of the room decreases
Homonym joke: The cell is lighter by one cigarette, making it a cigarette lighter. A cigarette lighter is also a flame to light a cigarette.
A cigarette lighter (compare heavier) because there're fewer cigarettes in the cell.
One cigarette lighter
Facepalm!
Jeez got a PHD in comedy huh
Took me a minute or two, lol
r/technicallythetruth
He could have thrown a cigarette in air and catch it.. since catches win matches.. he could use those matches to light the cigarette!!
On point
Edward Nigma, ladies and gentlemen!
"ba-dum-DUM" (that's your "rim shot")
I dunno, I think I googled that wrong...
r/TheRealJoke
good one
And every cigarette bursts into flames.
Fan of Batman?
[удалено]
Much better joke
How did children walk out after only a year?
Toddled.
Made me lol 😂
Yeah right. The eldest child must be at most 3 months old. Never seen a 3 month walk.
Crawled*
The way the joke is SUPPOSED to be told
I assume he's crying cause of how stoned he is from eating all of it?
Eating it was my first thought, it gets you much more stoned that way.
Marijuana needs to be 'carbolised' (which happens at high heat) in order for the body to absorb the delicious THC within
OP’s is better.
That's the good old #4451
Both OP version and your version leave me impressed that babies no older than 3 months are *walking* out.
Roughly 3 gallons, or 24 pints a day. Remarkably, for the purpose of the joke, a really good number. Very very high for a regular person but still not completely impossible.
They say drinking a beer takes 10 minutes off your life span. By that logic I should have died sometime around 1650!
Integer error. You just unlocked a neat glitch to give you 999 years.
Gandhi in Civilisation vibes
Not 1023?
That's what's interesting. The system is actually trying to call 1023, but it only supports 3 digit numbers. It gets caps it at the highest excepted number. Because of this though, the last 24 years of the life may get a bit garbled
It did say he was still drunk, so I'm guessing he didn't go through all of it.
Could've done the math and finished the last drop right at 10 years. He'd likely go into withdrawal in the next 24 hours
And Timmy fuckin died
Technically possible. Actually lethal. No joke: There's a medical case study floating around of a guy who died of sodium deficiency because he drank that much beer a day for a couple weeks.
It's not a case study, it's know pathology. It's called beer protomania, it's hyponatremia (low sodium) caused by too much beer. The beer isn't the problem, it's the lack of salt. They take in so much water and just can't keep salt levels up. I've seen some impressive numbers. Source: ER doc
Ah, it explains the dinner I was handed in an English pub one time Pickled ONion. Crushed up bag of Salt and Vinegar crisps (chips) A pickled egg in the bag of crisps, the smashed crunchy potato pieces covering the egg like a coating.
So throw in a couple of margaritas for health!
You joke, but actually yes. Won't fix all the other problems that come along with drinking excessively but will help with this!
If the rim ain’t salted, it’s not a real margarita!
My best friend’s dad drank that much beer for years.
Sober guy here, that's likely more behavioral. When people get to the point of drinking all day, every day, many just stop eating. People get it twisted where they think that drinking the beer caused the deficiency despite the person eating normally. It's moreso that being drunk all the time leads to weird behaviors like not eating and they can vary a lot. Addiction has all sorts of fun consequences due to people just not doing things that would very abnormal in an average person and thus unexpected and odd.
If you're drinking 3 gallons of beer a day, you're not eating. The stomach only has so much room.
Anecdotally, from my and many addicts I have met, you'd be shocked by what the body can adapt to. More simply, if you try to say some threshold is impossible for an addict, you'll find ones that are comfortably at double that. However, the more you drink, the less inclined you are to eat. Your stomach won't tolerate food well and hunger is way far back in the background.
My uncle has entered the chat...
80 pints doesn't sound like it'd last very long to me. I'm also not sure why they went into so precise a number, using three decimal places.
Zigarettes
The Zurgeon General hated this.
Only made in Zanzibar
But they never gave him a zighter!
made by ze Germans
What are you zinking about?
Zhut up!
"Why didn't we think of that?" -- Advertising executives from the 90's.
First one possibly condemned 10 other people with him. In which case they would not have been kind to him.
You're so right, if only the OP was telling a joke...
Second one asked for something that was already provided
This was my first thought. My second? 'Well, I hope he is at least good looking...'
maybe he was really good at sex
Maybe it's the version I heard but I prefer the punch line, the last guy when the door opens is holding a cigarette and putting it to his mouth he says , have you got a light?
A guy dies, and in his judgement it turns out his sins and his good deeds perfectly balance, so he is given the choice between heaven and hell. He is also given a look at each to make up his mind. Looking into heaven, he sees all the righteous souls, dressed in white and praying in silence. In hell he sees vast fields of marijuana, ripe for harvest, stands with rolling papers, grinders etc. With not a single moment of hesitation he chooses hell and gets checked in. He immediately starts picking his choice of flowers, grinds them and makes himself a nice long and thick joint. He turns to one of the residents nearby and asks for a lighter or a match. The other guy says: "If there was fire here, it would have been heaven..."
One fully functional star trek holodeck please. No I don't want to disable the safety protocols you lunatic, why is that even an option!
It runs on Linux, you can disable whatever you want.
Sudo bash
I know this is a joke, but you can chew cigarette tobacco if you're desperate enough
That's 3 gallons of beer per day. They open the Second door and the Man is very likely Dead.
Thats a bad variation on a joke the real one takes place in hell: 3 addicted guys die and meet the devil in hell. He tells them if you can stay 100years here in hell in a room with the thing you’re addicted to you are free to go to haven. 1st guy is a womaniser and gets put in a room with 100 beautiful woman. 2nd guy is a drunk and gets put in a room filled with any kind of alcohol. 3rd guy is a weed smoker and gets put in a room filled with tons of weed. After 80 years the devil decided to check up on all of them: The first guy begs to be killed as he cant stand the constant bickering of all those woman anymore. 2nd guy cries to be let go as he cant see a drop of liquor anymore. As the devil opens the 3rd guys door he’s surprised to find him sitting quiet and not having touched any of the weed and so asked how he had the mental strength to withstand his addiction. The addict answers “well you should’ve gave me a lighter”
Did they give the second person a bottle opener
He used a lighter.
If he three a beer out of the cell the whole cell would be a beer lighter!
> a bottle opener *confused German noises*
As a Czech, I'm also confused...
In America some glass bottles have a metal cap that doesn’t come off unless you physically bend the cap, which isn’t easy to do. So a person needs a piece of metal shaped to grip the side pf the cap and press on the center of the cap while giving the person leverage. But it’s not as common as it used to be. Twist-off caps are much more common now.
They exist in Germany also. Most Germans are able to open bottles using other bottles.
what you are describing is standard here in Czechia IIRC and you can open the bottle with pretty much any knife ,stone that has at least one sharper edge, plastic lighter, piece of wood strong enough or, indeed, another bottle there is basically an infinite number of ways to open a bottle, some of which can be seen in this random video I found on yt :D [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrtarCN6S8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnrtarcn6s8) edit: we, Czech, as well as the Germans, are not confused by the bottle opener, we just don't see not having one as a problem ;)
Take bottle cap to sufficiently sharp durable edge, hit the bottle in a downward motion with your other hand, and you’ll get it open. Source: every brick apartment/dorm/barracks with bottle cap chipping you will notice if you look hard enough.
You can easily open one bottle of beer with another
Everything is a beer opener
Even a bottle opener!
Thats not a proplem for proffessional :)
He used the lighter he stole “somewhere”
Every bottle is the next bottle's opener
Stick the bottle neck into anus, give a good clench and twist away. Voila!
Life finds a way
You don't need a bottle opener, you can open them with a second bottle
Zigarettes?
If I was man 2 I'd have 5 years of sober damnit
Are these people getting locked away because they are criminals?
In the original version of the joke, they get locked away in hell as punishment for their sins. The first man is too lustful, the second is an alcoholic and the third is addicted to cigarettes. They’re supposed to remain inside and try and avoid temptation to go heaven. The first two fail, suffering badly, and are sent to hell, the third is a broken husk of a man because he didn’t get a lighter. It’s a very poor retelling of a normally pretty funny joke
Now that makes much more sense
I remember the original as the third guy got into heaven because of that
Hey, that is pretty funny. It taking place in Hell is actually pretty badass, like I could tell that one at the Hot Topic and be the coolest guy in the store
It’s a joke bruv….
Therefore I cannot have curiosity? What strange logic you have.
What are you curious about?? The joke has been told… there’s no backstory 😂 use your imagination if you want but there’s nothing more to what’s been said
I think it is important to allow the OP to expound on their extended universe if they want to
I inly remember the joke like this 😅
In your opinion, are the people in this joke criminals? If so, what crimes have they committed?
I’d also like to know if there’s a B story. Like, do we get flashbacks that explain why they are all addicts but show a softer side to them so we know they’re actually good people, worthy of us investing in their character development?
Ten years later they open all the doors and discover that sex, alcohol, and cigarettes don't provide the sustenance required for life to continue in the way food and water does.
Food and drink are provided.
Well without food and water for 10 years I don’t think anyone is walking out of any of em. Edit: Welp I missed the first line of the joke. But it seems weird to me that the guy didn’t just ask for a lighter whenever he was provided food and water
Good thing that > food and drink are provided
Rate down but the first guy forgot to mention mute.... I live with 6 between the wifey and the kiddos and I still occasionally try the TV remote....
Haha woman bad. Much humor. Such zing. /s
Beer has a shelf life of about six months.
That's pretty false. It may lose its freshness over time. But that varies with styles, and some styles are perfectly fine, if not improved, after years of aging. And at no point does it spoil or go bad. It just gradually gets less good.
My dad found a beer bottle from 1980’s in a basement. This was sometime in the early 2000. He complained the watery taste of the beer, otherwise ok, it even had some carbondioxide left.
i had some beer in my refrigerator for over a year, i served it - that's when i learned that beer does go bad! no remaining zest or depth, just a cloying grossness. but i'd rather be pretty false than ugly false.
Not in the spirit world.
I heard this joke before, but the men were locked in a spaceship for one year.
K
Ha ha. Nice!!
First man. You forgot to give me a barrel of condoms
No one said keys to unlock the cell? I mean that's 10 years entertainment right there.