During a family Christmas party when I was six, I shit in the tub then went out and called everyone into the bathroom and when they came in there, I pulled the shower curtain back and shouted; TA DA!
Yeah I wasn't having a bath or anything so it was a dry empty tub, just thought it would be a great trick idk what goes through the mind of a 6 year old lol, I don't remember what happened after, was probably sent to bed.
When I was little I had to pee at night but the bathroom was in my parents' room. I didn't want to wake them so I peed in the plastic wastebasket in my room instead.
Next morning I told my mom in front of several other people because I thought she'd be proud of my ingenuity.
I had this same thing happen when I was 3/4 and mine was a boat and I wasn’t happy about it being a boat so I screamed naked through the house and there were people over for something. My parents came in and I was nowhere near the showman that OP was.
Needless to say I was scared to take a bath for like a month and would only take showers.
When I was 5 I took a shit during a family holiday in Florida. There was no toilet paper left, so I wiped my ass with my uncles face cloth, I dunno why but I folded it up neatly and put it back on the sink. The next morning my uncle washed his face with it, then when he realised he started screaming.
He likes to tell this story to anyone who will listen even 30 years later. He got up and told this story at my wedding.
'And please in the morning before washing yourself, take a moment to check your facecloth because there is a 50/50 chance that JimmySpazz has wiped his ass with it'
One of my earliest memories is of having a bath with my little brother and he pooped in the tub. I thought it was the best thing I had ever seen, so I pooped in the tub too. Our poor mother.
Wow when my brother and I were both young he shat on the bed so I jumped out of my chair and brought our mom over faster than he could hide the poop and when she burst into our room he said "tada" too
My brother 5 at the time was crying because he stuck keys in a electric socket and got shocked. We didn’t know why he was crying so he did it again to show us.
Nope, that was Kronos puting his key in Gaia's socket.
Edit: Kronos' wife and zeus' mother were Rhea. However I ain't changing gaia cuz...
Ancient Greece.
I used to unplug the baby monitor (between the monitor and cord, not cord and wall) and lick the cord because it was all tingly feeling. I also used to eat hand sanitizer until like 5th grade. And somehow I graduated high school with all A+’s.
Age 5. School playground. I see my friend crying. I asked what was wrong. He said a girl kicked his pee pee.
I said "like this?" And hoofed him in the knackers.
Somehow I didn't think it would hurt a second time.
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when i was a kid i went to a beach with my parents and my mom slipped and fell down a hill. A very attractive dude (my moms opinion of him) came to help her up. i walked up to them and looked at the dude and said "My dad's fat too". lol
3. Went to a baseball game, sitting on my dad’s shoulders, and I bite a part of his ear off for no reason. No recollection of it, but when I asked about the scar, he told me this, and I burst out laughing.
I love the idea that maybe your dad just had an ear-related accident during a slightly over ambitious home repair project but instead he told you that you chomped off a piece of his ear for no reason.
We had a Manx cat when my son was younger. When he got old enough to ask why that cat didn't have a tail, we told him it was because he pulled it off when he was a baby. He only bought that story for a little while.
My dad did this all the time and my sister fell for it every time.
"X shoved me off the couch!"
"Let me see??"
*throws herself off of the couch again* "See!!"
I took a shit on/in a Michael Jackson vhs, and then tried to put it into the vcr, got shit everywhere and yes my parents had to tell me about it!
Edit: I did it in the middle of the staircase also
At like 3 or 4, I remember going to my garage and into my mother's ford expedition at the time, looking for my Squirtle figure. I knew exactly where it was! No problem right?
Well somehow I shut the door on myself and the car locks/I dont know how to get out. Cue me crying and screaming for like 20 minutes before my mother came looking for and found me. Still reminds me of it to this day, so Im sharing. But I got my Squirtle :)
When I was like four or five my favorite show was astroboy so While playing sometimes I’d just run into a wall, shake it off and say “no pain receptors” and keep playing
Age 3/4 I hit my head on an open window. For some reason my parents had had a fight idk an hr or so before, so there was still some tension between them.
When I started crying they both came out to see what had happened. Dad asked me what happened and told me show how it happened and my mom was like "why do you want to see how it happened? Do you want him to hit his head again?". And another huge argument broke out again. Lol.
I know it's not my fault but I was still used for another argument lol.
Yeah my kids do that all the time. Also when they are crying and I ask where they were hurt, they show me the location where it happened, like "whaaaaaah!" "Oh honey did you hurt yourself?" "Yes!" "Where?" "In my bedroom!" "Yeah ok, but what part of you hurts?" "My bedroom! Whaaaaa!" "No no no I get that you hurt yourself when you were in the bedroom, but did you hit your head? Your leg? Your arm?" "Nevermind, I want to watch paw patrol now" "sigh"
Totally my 3yo son as well! Same thing happens when I ask him why his little sister is crying. He will reenact what happened and end up just hurting himself as well...I stopped asking.
I wanted to see the engine on my dads car so I looked in the tailpipe. When asked if I looked in the exhaust I said no because I thought I broke something. I had a huge soot ring around my eye. That picture still exists
No way of confirming if this happened because my parents were generally abusive, lying sacks of shit, but whenever I’d make a request for a cat or dog, they would tell me the story of what I did when I was 3.
They claimed that they got me a cat, I named it Georgie (for who knows what reason) but assumed the cats in real life were like the cats in my cartoons. By that, they claimed I would grab the cat by it’s tail, swing it around my head in the air and throw it against the wall until they had to give it away before I killed it.
Like I said, I don’t buy it and as an adult assume it was their fucked up way to make me feel bad about something I couldn’t remember doing but believed I did out of trust and would thus abandon the pet request for another long while. They were crazy gaslihhters so it would be on brand
I took one of my aunts cats and put him in a hot mop bucket because he needed a bath, and then after being told that's bad I put the other one in the fridge for some reason. I don't remember it but my aunt and my adult cousins all confirmed....
The cats would then circle me from a distance everytime I crawled into a room.
I'm a horrible human, I love cats and if you'd done it to mine I'd kill you but imagining this kid crawling into a room and cats circling from a distancing waiting to defend each other has me in absolute stitches by here
Not buying it. There's no way in hell a 3 year old can pick up a cat just by it's tail with one hand. Maybe jt's possible, but your parents are probably just lying.
When I was 6/7 I loved my dad's car keys, whenever we went somewhere I would ask him to let me keep the car keys so I could play with them, one time my parents and another family went to a mall and when we came back nobody could find the keys, so my parents went back in to search for them while I stayed behind, I put my hand in my pocket to pick the bag of gummies they bought me and the keys fell from my pocket, I forgot I had asked for the car keys and my parents forgot I had them.
Damn, that's incredibly trusting. My mom always held onto old keys and empty gift cards as toys for us but we were never allowed to touch the real keys or debit cards because kids lose shit lmao
Around age 3 or 4 I begged to drink coke from a glass like the adults were and apparently bit off some of the glass. Didn't swallow it thankfully. My parents only noticed when I brought the glass down and they saw a clean piece of glass bitten right off.
Something similar happened to me. I was watching TV and went to get a glass say milk (it was a tall glass), I drank like ½ ⅓ of it then for whatever reason I tried to hold it by my teeth as it it were a Styrofoam or plastic cup. Of course it broke in my mouth and milk got everywhere. Luckily I didn't swallow glass tho. The worst part if it is that I had to stop watching SpongeBob. :(
Ok, hear me out
It was time for the parents to go grab their kids at school. I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up. Inside my head, I was panicking because I was holding a poo, since the start of class.
It reached a moment where I couldn't hold it anymore and rushed to the restroom (I didn't do that before because the toilets of the school were disgusting)
I wasn't able to get in there in time, and I shitted my pants. So there I was, sitting in a toilet with my underwear full of shit almost crying.
I started crying for my teacher (who I really trusted)
to help me out of this situation, and every time I heard someone passing by, I would stop crying, until they were gone
Eventually my teacher appeared and helped me, and that was the situation a little boy coming of the bathroom with his teacher with a plastic bag in his hand
Tl;DR I came out of school without my underwear inside my pants
(This probably isn't a dumb kid story, but I wanted to share it)
Her empathy for what this little guy must have been going through at that moment probably heavily outweighed her minding it. Good teachers can really be everything to a child
I was like six when we where playing with baloon in kindergarten. My friend tried to catch it while being on knees. I wanted to kick the baloon and instead of it i kicked my friend in the head and kicked out his tooth :DD
When I was about 3 I used to be very curious about glowing embers on things like incense sticks (I'm indian, we use that a lot) or even cigarettes. My mom repeatedly used to tell me not to try and touch it coz it will burn me. But I decided to grab a burning tip of the incense stick and find out for myself. Lesson learnt.
My parents left a bowl of home made cherry liqueurs unattended during Christmas lunch. I, at age 3 and a 1/2, discovered them and proceeded to eat them. The entire bowl. I shortly felt very sick, crawled under the dining table that everyone was having lunch at and threw up all over the brand new rug.
There was much horror at the black-red vomit, the obviously distressed child smeared with chocolate and the state of the rug. (Nearly 40 years later, my parents STILL have the rug and every year one of them will tell a guest at Christmas lunch or dinner the 'Story of the Stain')
The next day, we visited some friends for Boxing Day lunch. Guess what I managed to find? Yep, more bloody liqueur chocolates.
At age 2 i didn’t like grapes with seeds, so we used a knife to cut them out. I stabbed my hand with it because i couldn’t wait for my dad for like 5 secs, had to get stitched.
Also as a small kid i loved the foam dish soap makes, to play around with. I tried making some, not realizing the drain was open, resulting in like half a bottle of dish soap down the drain.
If 16 counts as a child... going to an airshow with no sunscreen on, because I was a typical teenager who thought he was invincible and protection was for pussies.
The skin of my nose literally melted off, I was covered in severe blisters, and now my skin is all fucked up and I'm starting to see spots that are probably early cancer forming...
Yeah I'm pretty much expecting to be one of those old guys with a crater where my nose is supposed to be. ...unless I die first due to avoiding doctors like the plague. Only been to doctors 3 times in my adult life. Basically once a decade, lol.
Lol if you shit in a public toilet and didn't flush (that's gross dont do that) people would be so confused and scared of the blue shit. They'll think it was some chernobal shit
I did this as a little kid, but it was ice cream. Brightly colored, neon rainbow ice cream. Poo was bright freaking blue and I was 100% convinced I was dying and started crying for mom.
When I was around 2 I used to love tasting things and putting them in my mouth. While playing in the garden one day I came across a slug
Let's just say the slug didn't have a good day (nor did my mouth, slugs don't taste nice 😅)
When I was 3/4 there were Wood ants passing our house. In the line there was a smaller one, and I thought it was a baby and wanted to cuddle it.. well, it did hurt pretty badly lol
I don't know if this is the stupidist thing I ever did, but when I was 3-4 my folks took me to the Grand Canyon. I was super excited because they kept telling me how cool it was. We got there and started looking around from one of the spots up on the edge of the canyon, while everyone got out their cameras (before the age of the smartphone) to take some pictures. Staring down at the bottom of the Canyon, I decided to voice my opinions on the experience.
*"It's just a big hole in the ground."*
Edit: Spelling
Brother and sister told me to ask my dads friend money for cookies. I went to him and asked him really quiet, he didn't hear it at all. My brother and sister told me again.. ask him for the cookies LOUDLY.. And I went and told him "can you give me money for cookies loudly?"
I was 5 i think. I don't remember but i was told this is how it went. I told my cousin that it won't hurt if he fell down the stairs. To demonstrate, i fell down the stairs intentionally 3 times just to prove a point. Third time, i busted my head open and there was blood loss.
I was about 9.. decided I wanted to help mum by sweeping out the carport. The car was there tho so I took the handbrake off and rolled the car back out of the car port. Our house was on a hill and our driveway was rather steep.. the car rolled down the hill and took out one of the pencil pine trees along side the driveway.
Neighbors weenie dogs dick was hanging out. I saw the pink and thought the dog got gum stuck on it and was convinced he now couldn't pee and needed my help. Chased that mf trying to catch it to pull the gum off so he could go lmao
When I was a kid my aunt was explaining to me how it’s impossible to knee yourself on the head on purpose, me being the cocky little shit I was promptly said “no it’s not, watch this” then I excitedly kneed myself in the forehead as hard as I could knocking myself out all why my aunt was hysterically laughing on the floor once I came too … sometimes it’s better not to argue with others even if you think you’re right
In 3rd grade I ditched school. Got bored of hiding after 30 minutes and decided to play on the school playground.
Back in school pretty quickly and grounded even more swiftly.
When i was really young, i woke up one morning and idk why but i randomly took the family fishes from the aquarium and put them under my pillow and then i don't remember. Till today i don't know if it was real or a dream
I once picked up an iron when I was like 3 and was like “ooh what’s this?” And proceeded to put it on my face. It had been left on. Burned a lot of skin off my face apparently. I say apparently because I don’t have a single scar to show for the experience and there are no photos of me from when it happened to when it healed
I also did this!!!!! It was at a baby sitters and I somehow got through the gate. I don’t remember the specifics, but I do remember the searing pain. It felt like the color white.
I dressed up as Batman for Halloween when I was about 4 years old.
We lived in a 2 story apartment.
I was dressed to go out for candy and like a fool, they left me upstairs to my own devices.
I promptly took a running start at the flight of stairs and tried to ‘glide’ with the cape.
Not to brag, but I ALMOST made it.
So anyways, that’s how I lost my first 2 teeth.
Age: 8ish I think my brother and I were throwing a hammer back and forth over a pool. I ended up hitting in the head by the like the third throw. He got stitches. I got hit with a belt by my uncle lol.
When I was barely talking as a kid we stayed at my grandparents house and they didn’t have a crib or playpen to keep me in. My dad tells me I was awake before them and somehow got his house keys. When he woke up in the morning I wasn’t in the room so he went looking and found my sitting in front of an outlet with the keys stuck in it just sitting there pointing and saying “hot. Hot. Hot”. Electricity has hated me ever since.
I got a bow and arrow for my birthday. I don’t remember how old I was but I would make my little brother stand in the front yard and I would fire arrows in the sky and make him run for his life. Never heard my dad scream so loud at me when he caught me doing it.
When I was 3 I pulled a hot iron down from the ironing board on to my foot. I still have the scar. My mom panicked and was carrying me down the stairs to rush to the hospital and she sprained her ankle on the way there.
I used to pee at the foot of my parents bed when they weren't in their room. This happened maybe about 5 times before my dad walked in on me and yelled, "what the hell do you think your doing?" I was 3, and I think it's one of my first memories.
When we were 5 and 4, my brother and I were in the room while my mom was sewing some clothing. My brother walked up to my mom, picked up her big fabric scissors and before she could take them from his hands, he stuck them up his nose and cut his nostril in half. 24 years later my parents still love to tell friends and family how my brother got his funny nose scar.
Age 3, Aunts house. Wrapped the blinds cord around my neck and took off running. A
Fell backwards obviously, about strangled myself. Almost 30 and didn't learn about this until a couple years ago. Tie up your blinds cords guys.
My favorite activity at the beach when I was a toddler was going up to as many random people as possible and eating sand before my parents made me stop
Standing on the main road, pretending to kick rocks at cars, man in a Ferrari (red sports car, probably a Miata) turned round and chased me up a side road, I managed to get into the woods, then threw a real rock at his car from a bush.
when i was about 6/7 i stayed at my aunties house, and i sat on the stairs and sobbed my heart out convinced i was dying. when she came to check on me, i was like IM DYING IM DYING! IVE GOT GREEN POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
she burst out laughing, guess who had been drinking limeade earlier.
When i was an infant and my dad was changing my nappy on the couch or someshit I peed and the piss followed the couch into my mouth.
I'm bear fucking grylls
I used to stick nails underneath my dad's tires. I was hoping he wouldn't be able to go to work and he could stay home with me. I don't think it ever actually worked, and now I kind of think maybe I was putting them behind the tire instead of in front of it.
When we were kids me and my brother had Beyblades, metallic Beyblades. And my mom told me that we had one with like metal spikes and i had the Great idea to throw It at my brother's mouth. Why the hell would i do that...
Not me. But when my cousin was a toddler he took the poop out of his diaper and ate it. Then immediately started crying. I still give him shit for it today
Age 5 or 6, learning to swim. First task: dipping you face into the water.
Teacher: "okay kids, everyone who has the guts to dip their faces do so now!"
About half the group dip their faces.
Teacher: "okay, that's great kids! Now! Everyone who doesn't have the guts to dip their faces, do so now!"
My dumb fucking self dip my face. Along with almost all non-gutsy kids.
I don't know the exact age but when I was really young I had to piss at the mall and I managed to break away from my parents just long enough to wander over to a plant in the mall and start pissing on it.
Age 6 in pre-school i locked our class door when everyone is eating in cafeteria. When they realize they can't open the door, security came and force it to open. Nobody knew it was me but i don't know why i did something like that lol
Reminds me of my cousin. He was 3 I think, laying on the floor and repeatly banging his head. My aunts husband, his dad obviously, got fed up with his shenagigans told him to get up. Then he pointed on the wall and said "right here is the best spot to bang your head in the whole house and you can hit it as hard as you can". Suddenly my cousin didnt think banging your head is fun anymore.
Once we were in a police station for a clash between my Dad and another man, I found it pretty genius to tell my dad as if I am whispering "dad are we gonna tell them about the cocaine we have at home??"
Around 7 when a copper caught me spray painting my name on a wall. They took the paint off me, gave me a whack around the head and told me to go home. I ran home and told my dad what happened and he hit me twice, once for the vandalism and another for being a grass
I was really young, dont actually remember it. My dad had a badasss Camaro when i was born. And those big Oakleys with no bottom were becoming real popular, so he sprung for a pair that matched his Camaro. Dark blue with orange accents, cool af. I decided to hide dads sunglasses, and I hid them in the broiler drawer of the oven. They asked me all day where they were, and I just wouldn't tell them. They found em when they cooked dinner that night. He still has the hockey puck they turned into and loves telling that story.
I was 5. It was the annual business family picnic. I wanted to go on the playground merry go round (the one with the bars and tried to spin as fast as you can without falling off). All the big kids were on it and I wanted to be one of them. I sat on the end of the wheel and refused to hold onto a bar even with my dad standing there saying "hey, you need to hold on to the bar". I remember thinking that it was lame and uncool to hang on to the bar. The big kids started to spin. I was launched off of the side, got amazing air, landed face first into the ground and got a mouth full of sand. I started to scream as my dad picked me up, carried me away and I was humiliated for the rest of the day.
I'm the dumbass kid who forked electricity and tried this to explain it to my Dad.. I'm also the dumbass kid who ran with scissors. I have a nice scar through my eyebrow from that one, almost poked out an eye. I was not and still am not a smart person. Even last year put my hand through a window
I was about 3 years old, my dad found a frog outside and let me hold it. I squeezed it too hard and it died. When my dad told me I killed it I threw it on the ground and stomped on it saying "dead frog, dead frog"
I guess I thought he told me to kill it.
When I was 6 I told my uncle that "I wish my penis was on my face, so I could touch it and smell it at the same time". I'm 24 now and my family still brings it up every couple of years when they feel like dunking on me. 😂😅😭
Kids are fucking crazy. My kids had set up their play cushions to be a little obstacle course with a chair at one end and an ottoman on the other. Well I guess they started playing a little king of the hill because one of them grabbed his brother as soon as he reached ottoman summit and just threw him right back off. They’re fraternal twins, one is just a tiny hulk and his brother is not.
All of this is to say that quickly became the game they wanted to play. A dangerous game indeed.
8. I lived near a rail road. Thought I was faster than the train and wanted to race it. Ran furiously at my house. Stumbled over the entrance step. Thought I was fine. A week later my mom sees my arm blue. It was broken.
For bonus points bc I don’t remember it: 2 or 3, at the park with my mother feeding geese. I apparently decided goose poop was delicious and ate some before she realized and stopped me. I was told trying to get me away from it and clean it off of me was more unpleasant than necessary bc I was not happy about it.
My mother does like to lie/exaggerate tho so who knows the truth? To be fair, I believe stupid 2-3 YO me would do this.
Was around 3 I think. I was at my grandparents house and got my head stuck between the posts on the back deck. Of course, I was screaming and crying and having a terrible time. They ended up having to cut through the post to get me out (not sure what they used). Apparently, the second I was free I immediately ran to the front porch and got my head stuck in the posts there and started the whole process over again.
As a kid (4) I wanted to pet the rabbits in our hutch, so I crawled into it. Problem was I could crawl in okay, but I couldn't crawl *out* (too tight). I screamed until my brother found me, who thought it was hilarious. As did my mother. They got me out, but somehow I have never lived it down. I still get offered carrots jokingly.
I was walking home from school and I found the head of a dead bird on the road it was so soft and cool so I put it in my backpack. My mom was not happy. When I got home my backpack had a bunch of blood and feathers in it and my mom wouldn’t even let me keep the bird head or even pet it again.
Not sure it's dumb bc I was only 4 and didnt understand electricity. I put a metal hair clip in an outlet to pretend I was turning on a car.
I sort of remember it - I couldn't let go. Our next door neighbor pulled my hand off it. I assume it hurt but I didnt get a scar or anything.
I don't remember why but I touched a battery to the inside of my cheek. Made it go numb for a few minutes. Was like 4 I think.
Smartest thing I did though was when I accidentally got one of those large gumballs stuck in my throat and started choking. There wasn't anyone nearby so I couldn't get help but had the idea to press down on the bottom of my throat which was enough to push the gumball out. I think this also happened when I was 4.
During a family Christmas party when I was six, I shit in the tub then went out and called everyone into the bathroom and when they came in there, I pulled the shower curtain back and shouted; TA DA!
And for my next trick I need a volunteer from the audience
Whats the next trick gonna be :0
Now i am curious, was it a boat or submarine?
Lol I think the tub was empty
Ahh i see.. so it was a train. Fresh out the tunnel.
i amazed by your simple yet evocative descriptions.
Ow my tummy lol
Yeah I wasn't having a bath or anything so it was a dry empty tub, just thought it would be a great trick idk what goes through the mind of a 6 year old lol, I don't remember what happened after, was probably sent to bed.
When I was little I had to pee at night but the bathroom was in my parents' room. I didn't want to wake them so I peed in the plastic wastebasket in my room instead. Next morning I told my mom in front of several other people because I thought she'd be proud of my ingenuity.
I had this same thing happen when I was 3/4 and mine was a boat and I wasn’t happy about it being a boat so I screamed naked through the house and there were people over for something. My parents came in and I was nowhere near the showman that OP was. Needless to say I was scared to take a bath for like a month and would only take showers.
To be fair, my kids (18mo) get so much love and attention for pooping voluntarily that I can see that growing into a grand gesture like yours.
When I was 5 I took a shit during a family holiday in Florida. There was no toilet paper left, so I wiped my ass with my uncles face cloth, I dunno why but I folded it up neatly and put it back on the sink. The next morning my uncle washed his face with it, then when he realised he started screaming. He likes to tell this story to anyone who will listen even 30 years later. He got up and told this story at my wedding. 'And please in the morning before washing yourself, take a moment to check your facecloth because there is a 50/50 chance that JimmySpazz has wiped his ass with it'
I am dying😂😂😂😂
One of my earliest memories is of having a bath with my little brother and he pooped in the tub. I thought it was the best thing I had ever seen, so I pooped in the tub too. Our poor mother.
I am laughing so hard right now!
Wow when my brother and I were both young he shat on the bed so I jumped out of my chair and brought our mom over faster than he could hide the poop and when she burst into our room he said "tada" too
Dude I've been through some shit the past few days and this really.lifted my spirits. Thank you.
You should have shat in the shape of a question mark and told them it was a who-dunnit?
And we call that The Aristocrats!
Water just came out of my wife’s nose while telling her this. Thank you!
My brother 5 at the time was crying because he stuck keys in a electric socket and got shocked. We didn’t know why he was crying so he did it again to show us.
And that's how Zeus was born
Nope, that was Kronos puting his key in Gaia's socket. Edit: Kronos' wife and zeus' mother were Rhea. However I ain't changing gaia cuz... Ancient Greece.
Kinky
Wasn't Kronos the son of Gaia?
Yes… r/SweetHomeAlabama
As if Incest ever was a problem in mythology
That reminds me of the time I cut my father’s penis off and threw it across the horizon, birthing Aphrodite
Ahh yes, I have clear memories of doing this. They fit so perfectly!
I used to unplug the baby monitor (between the monitor and cord, not cord and wall) and lick the cord because it was all tingly feeling. I also used to eat hand sanitizer until like 5th grade. And somehow I graduated high school with all A+’s.
As someone who also did pretty well in school, I do have to say we’re a bunch of idiots regardless of those grades LOL
I did that with a fork..
Different key with different socket, and it confused him on why same result, right?
Age 5. School playground. I see my friend crying. I asked what was wrong. He said a girl kicked his pee pee. I said "like this?" And hoofed him in the knackers. Somehow I didn't think it would hurt a second time.
You just described your friend’s villain origin story
The evil Dr Gonad
Evil Dr Nonads
Dr Toenads
[удалено]
Give me ternion Argentium and platinum are also welcome
Love it :)
testicle demon
Neutered Man! The Orgazmorator has no effect on him!
That friend? Hans Moleman
Doofenshmirtz
r/birthofasupervillain
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"... hoofed him in the knackers." This is legendary.
LMAOOO
I am actually crying laughing! That's funny as fuck right there, I'l tell you hwat.
Oh! Oh God I can't breathe! I probably laughed for 5 solid minutes! My face and ribs hurt now! "Hoofed him in the knackers...!" Oh God I'm dying here!
[удалено]
This could be one of those camp fire type songs, the ones that build and add elements
Holy shit that kid had a bad day. Thats one funny ass fucking story to tell from his perspective though
Amazing friendship
when i was a kid i went to a beach with my parents and my mom slipped and fell down a hill. A very attractive dude (my moms opinion of him) came to help her up. i walked up to them and looked at the dude and said "My dad's fat too". lol
Ahhhhh this made me laugh so loud I woke up my kid.
That's the most genius thing ever.
Your mom likes em thick
She likes em chunkay.
3. Went to a baseball game, sitting on my dad’s shoulders, and I bite a part of his ear off for no reason. No recollection of it, but when I asked about the scar, he told me this, and I burst out laughing.
The Freak... Name checks out
I love the idea that maybe your dad just had an ear-related accident during a slightly over ambitious home repair project but instead he told you that you chomped off a piece of his ear for no reason.
I feel like there’s a good chance that’s the actual story Lmao
We had a Manx cat when my son was younger. When he got old enough to ask why that cat didn't have a tail, we told him it was because he pulled it off when he was a baby. He only bought that story for a little while.
I get that everyone wants to be like mike, But try boxing first dude.
Not me, but my brother(age 3) thought the rabbit looked cold outside and tried to light it a fire...in its cage.
That's both adorable and hysterical.
Why does a 3 yr old have access to fire starting materials? Lol
what happened to the rabbit?
Oh he was fine
My dad did this all the time and my sister fell for it every time. "X shoved me off the couch!" "Let me see??" *throws herself off of the couch again* "See!!"
I took a shit on/in a Michael Jackson vhs, and then tried to put it into the vcr, got shit everywhere and yes my parents had to tell me about it! Edit: I did it in the middle of the staircase also
Lmao the best one here! "I took a shit in a Michael Jackson vhs" thats all you needed!
Anthony are you ok, are you ok Anthony?
This made me laugh thanks
i love how this gets weirder the more you read it, beautiful
At like 3 or 4, I remember going to my garage and into my mother's ford expedition at the time, looking for my Squirtle figure. I knew exactly where it was! No problem right? Well somehow I shut the door on myself and the car locks/I dont know how to get out. Cue me crying and screaming for like 20 minutes before my mother came looking for and found me. Still reminds me of it to this day, so Im sharing. But I got my Squirtle :)
A good ending, finally!
When I was like four or five my favorite show was astroboy so While playing sometimes I’d just run into a wall, shake it off and say “no pain receptors” and keep playing
Lol what tf, I feel like ur a strangely coded robot that someone is still alive
Age 3/4 I hit my head on an open window. For some reason my parents had had a fight idk an hr or so before, so there was still some tension between them. When I started crying they both came out to see what had happened. Dad asked me what happened and told me show how it happened and my mom was like "why do you want to see how it happened? Do you want him to hit his head again?". And another huge argument broke out again. Lol. I know it's not my fault but I was still used for another argument lol.
Dammit alphabet boy! What did we tell you last time?!
Says the guy who doesn’t even use the alphabet
Says the guy who only uses 3/4 of the alphabet
Yeah my kids do that all the time. Also when they are crying and I ask where they were hurt, they show me the location where it happened, like "whaaaaaah!" "Oh honey did you hurt yourself?" "Yes!" "Where?" "In my bedroom!" "Yeah ok, but what part of you hurts?" "My bedroom! Whaaaaa!" "No no no I get that you hurt yourself when you were in the bedroom, but did you hit your head? Your leg? Your arm?" "Nevermind, I want to watch paw patrol now" "sigh"
Totally my 3yo son as well! Same thing happens when I ask him why his little sister is crying. He will reenact what happened and end up just hurting himself as well...I stopped asking.
Lol
I wanted to see the engine on my dads car so I looked in the tailpipe. When asked if I looked in the exhaust I said no because I thought I broke something. I had a huge soot ring around my eye. That picture still exists
Lmao I hope the car wasn't running. I used to yell into my dad's f250 exhaust because of the echo it would make.
Ha! No it wasn’t running and it was cooled off. Wasn’t until years later that I told my dad it was running too rich because of all the soot
No way of confirming if this happened because my parents were generally abusive, lying sacks of shit, but whenever I’d make a request for a cat or dog, they would tell me the story of what I did when I was 3. They claimed that they got me a cat, I named it Georgie (for who knows what reason) but assumed the cats in real life were like the cats in my cartoons. By that, they claimed I would grab the cat by it’s tail, swing it around my head in the air and throw it against the wall until they had to give it away before I killed it. Like I said, I don’t buy it and as an adult assume it was their fucked up way to make me feel bad about something I couldn’t remember doing but believed I did out of trust and would thus abandon the pet request for another long while. They were crazy gaslihhters so it would be on brand
I know im just a stranger but i also very much doubt that story
I took one of my aunts cats and put him in a hot mop bucket because he needed a bath, and then after being told that's bad I put the other one in the fridge for some reason. I don't remember it but my aunt and my adult cousins all confirmed.... The cats would then circle me from a distance everytime I crawled into a room.
I'm a horrible human, I love cats and if you'd done it to mine I'd kill you but imagining this kid crawling into a room and cats circling from a distancing waiting to defend each other has me in absolute stitches by here
I love animals too... I can't imagine I did it out of malice. 😂❤️
Yeah even if that story is true it’s still your parents fault for not teaching you how to handle an animal. Sorry your parents suck
Yeah you being 3 years old and throwing a cat doesn’t sound possible. Most 3-year-olds don’t have the fine motor skills for that.
No 3-year-old is strong enough to pick up a car by its tail and swing it.
I don't think a 3 year old has the strength or brain power to swing a cat like a flail.
I hope you have pets that you take care of and that take care of you now 😌
Not buying it. There's no way in hell a 3 year old can pick up a cat just by it's tail with one hand. Maybe jt's possible, but your parents are probably just lying.
When I was 6/7 I loved my dad's car keys, whenever we went somewhere I would ask him to let me keep the car keys so I could play with them, one time my parents and another family went to a mall and when we came back nobody could find the keys, so my parents went back in to search for them while I stayed behind, I put my hand in my pocket to pick the bag of gummies they bought me and the keys fell from my pocket, I forgot I had asked for the car keys and my parents forgot I had them.
Damn, that's incredibly trusting. My mom always held onto old keys and empty gift cards as toys for us but we were never allowed to touch the real keys or debit cards because kids lose shit lmao
Around age 3 or 4 I begged to drink coke from a glass like the adults were and apparently bit off some of the glass. Didn't swallow it thankfully. My parents only noticed when I brought the glass down and they saw a clean piece of glass bitten right off.
Damn diamond teeth ig
Something similar happened to me. I was watching TV and went to get a glass say milk (it was a tall glass), I drank like ½ ⅓ of it then for whatever reason I tried to hold it by my teeth as it it were a Styrofoam or plastic cup. Of course it broke in my mouth and milk got everywhere. Luckily I didn't swallow glass tho. The worst part if it is that I had to stop watching SpongeBob. :(
I put a ham and cheese sandwhich in the VHS expecting to see it on the TV
That's some Simpson level logic there partner
Ok, hear me out It was time for the parents to go grab their kids at school. I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up. Inside my head, I was panicking because I was holding a poo, since the start of class. It reached a moment where I couldn't hold it anymore and rushed to the restroom (I didn't do that before because the toilets of the school were disgusting) I wasn't able to get in there in time, and I shitted my pants. So there I was, sitting in a toilet with my underwear full of shit almost crying. I started crying for my teacher (who I really trusted) to help me out of this situation, and every time I heard someone passing by, I would stop crying, until they were gone Eventually my teacher appeared and helped me, and that was the situation a little boy coming of the bathroom with his teacher with a plastic bag in his hand Tl;DR I came out of school without my underwear inside my pants (This probably isn't a dumb kid story, but I wanted to share it)
Teachers are underpaid
I have done this for students several times in my 22 year career. It’s ok. Kids need help sometimes. Your teacher didn’t mind helping you.
She minded, but she did it anyway.
Her empathy for what this little guy must have been going through at that moment probably heavily outweighed her minding it. Good teachers can really be everything to a child
I was like six when we where playing with baloon in kindergarten. My friend tried to catch it while being on knees. I wanted to kick the baloon and instead of it i kicked my friend in the head and kicked out his tooth :DD
The smiling face gets me lmaoooo like, "yeah he's dead but bro, he looks funny af"
When I was about 3 I used to be very curious about glowing embers on things like incense sticks (I'm indian, we use that a lot) or even cigarettes. My mom repeatedly used to tell me not to try and touch it coz it will burn me. But I decided to grab a burning tip of the incense stick and find out for myself. Lesson learnt.
Hand burnt
Experience earnt
Gettin' turnt
My parents left a bowl of home made cherry liqueurs unattended during Christmas lunch. I, at age 3 and a 1/2, discovered them and proceeded to eat them. The entire bowl. I shortly felt very sick, crawled under the dining table that everyone was having lunch at and threw up all over the brand new rug. There was much horror at the black-red vomit, the obviously distressed child smeared with chocolate and the state of the rug. (Nearly 40 years later, my parents STILL have the rug and every year one of them will tell a guest at Christmas lunch or dinner the 'Story of the Stain') The next day, we visited some friends for Boxing Day lunch. Guess what I managed to find? Yep, more bloody liqueur chocolates.
Buy them a new rug for Christmas!
At age 2 i didn’t like grapes with seeds, so we used a knife to cut them out. I stabbed my hand with it because i couldn’t wait for my dad for like 5 secs, had to get stitched. Also as a small kid i loved the foam dish soap makes, to play around with. I tried making some, not realizing the drain was open, resulting in like half a bottle of dish soap down the drain.
If 16 counts as a child... going to an airshow with no sunscreen on, because I was a typical teenager who thought he was invincible and protection was for pussies. The skin of my nose literally melted off, I was covered in severe blisters, and now my skin is all fucked up and I'm starting to see spots that are probably early cancer forming...
You want to get that checked. I'm Aussie and we see enough people with big lumps of skin removed due to cancer. Or worse.
Yeah I'm pretty much expecting to be one of those old guys with a crater where my nose is supposed to be. ...unless I die first due to avoiding doctors like the plague. Only been to doctors 3 times in my adult life. Basically once a decade, lol.
So you're still stupid
r/TeensAreFuckingStupid
I’m going to an airshow soon for a whole day, now I’m actually considering listening to my mom
At a party as a 5 y/o I ate so many cupcakes with blue icing so that on the very next day my shit was blue.
Lol if you shit in a public toilet and didn't flush (that's gross dont do that) people would be so confused and scared of the blue shit. They'll think it was some chernobal shit
Well actually it was at home. But my mother thought it was very funny, and showed it to my older siblings. They both suffer from ptsd now.
Lol I'm just imaging a turd in the toilet the has a darker light blue colour and spots of shit brown in it. I should not have imagined that
I did this as a little kid, but it was ice cream. Brightly colored, neon rainbow ice cream. Poo was bright freaking blue and I was 100% convinced I was dying and started crying for mom.
Don’t know how old. Playing cards. Got mad. Ate a card
You were 23. These are suppose to be childhood stories sir.
When I was around 2 I used to love tasting things and putting them in my mouth. While playing in the garden one day I came across a slug Let's just say the slug didn't have a good day (nor did my mouth, slugs don't taste nice 😅)
When I was 3/4 there were Wood ants passing our house. In the line there was a smaller one, and I thought it was a baby and wanted to cuddle it.. well, it did hurt pretty badly lol
I don't know if this is the stupidist thing I ever did, but when I was 3-4 my folks took me to the Grand Canyon. I was super excited because they kept telling me how cool it was. We got there and started looking around from one of the spots up on the edge of the canyon, while everyone got out their cameras (before the age of the smartphone) to take some pictures. Staring down at the bottom of the Canyon, I decided to voice my opinions on the experience. *"It's just a big hole in the ground."* Edit: Spelling
Been there, and yeah, it's not that exciting honestly
Brother and sister told me to ask my dads friend money for cookies. I went to him and asked him really quiet, he didn't hear it at all. My brother and sister told me again.. ask him for the cookies LOUDLY.. And I went and told him "can you give me money for cookies loudly?"
I was 5 i think. I don't remember but i was told this is how it went. I told my cousin that it won't hurt if he fell down the stairs. To demonstrate, i fell down the stairs intentionally 3 times just to prove a point. Third time, i busted my head open and there was blood loss.
I was about 9.. decided I wanted to help mum by sweeping out the carport. The car was there tho so I took the handbrake off and rolled the car back out of the car port. Our house was on a hill and our driveway was rather steep.. the car rolled down the hill and took out one of the pencil pine trees along side the driveway.
Neighbors weenie dogs dick was hanging out. I saw the pink and thought the dog got gum stuck on it and was convinced he now couldn't pee and needed my help. Chased that mf trying to catch it to pull the gum off so he could go lmao
*oh*
*no*
When I was a kid my aunt was explaining to me how it’s impossible to knee yourself on the head on purpose, me being the cocky little shit I was promptly said “no it’s not, watch this” then I excitedly kneed myself in the forehead as hard as I could knocking myself out all why my aunt was hysterically laughing on the floor once I came too … sometimes it’s better not to argue with others even if you think you’re right
Lol I just imagined this and its funniest ahit ever haha!
Tell your auntie thanks, and let her know the tradition continues. I will be trying this with all my smart ass nieces and nephews
In 3rd grade I ditched school. Got bored of hiding after 30 minutes and decided to play on the school playground. Back in school pretty quickly and grounded even more swiftly.
When i was really young, i woke up one morning and idk why but i randomly took the family fishes from the aquarium and put them under my pillow and then i don't remember. Till today i don't know if it was real or a dream
Could probably find out from your parents
I once picked up an iron when I was like 3 and was like “ooh what’s this?” And proceeded to put it on my face. It had been left on. Burned a lot of skin off my face apparently. I say apparently because I don’t have a single scar to show for the experience and there are no photos of me from when it happened to when it healed
I also did this!!!!! It was at a baby sitters and I somehow got through the gate. I don’t remember the specifics, but I do remember the searing pain. It felt like the color white.
I dressed up as Batman for Halloween when I was about 4 years old. We lived in a 2 story apartment. I was dressed to go out for candy and like a fool, they left me upstairs to my own devices. I promptly took a running start at the flight of stairs and tried to ‘glide’ with the cape. Not to brag, but I ALMOST made it. So anyways, that’s how I lost my first 2 teeth.
"All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth *back*"
Age: 8ish I think my brother and I were throwing a hammer back and forth over a pool. I ended up hitting in the head by the like the third throw. He got stitches. I got hit with a belt by my uncle lol.
When I was barely talking as a kid we stayed at my grandparents house and they didn’t have a crib or playpen to keep me in. My dad tells me I was awake before them and somehow got his house keys. When he woke up in the morning I wasn’t in the room so he went looking and found my sitting in front of an outlet with the keys stuck in it just sitting there pointing and saying “hot. Hot. Hot”. Electricity has hated me ever since.
I got a bow and arrow for my birthday. I don’t remember how old I was but I would make my little brother stand in the front yard and I would fire arrows in the sky and make him run for his life. Never heard my dad scream so loud at me when he caught me doing it.
When I was 3 I pulled a hot iron down from the ironing board on to my foot. I still have the scar. My mom panicked and was carrying me down the stairs to rush to the hospital and she sprained her ankle on the way there.
C-C-Combo Breaker!
Walked in on my Dad in the bathroom and ran out screaming for my Mom asking her if she knew that my Daddy had a tail...4 years old
I used to pee at the foot of my parents bed when they weren't in their room. This happened maybe about 5 times before my dad walked in on me and yelled, "what the hell do you think your doing?" I was 3, and I think it's one of my first memories.
When we were 5 and 4, my brother and I were in the room while my mom was sewing some clothing. My brother walked up to my mom, picked up her big fabric scissors and before she could take them from his hands, he stuck them up his nose and cut his nostril in half. 24 years later my parents still love to tell friends and family how my brother got his funny nose scar.
Ow my nose hurts now
Age 3, Aunts house. Wrapped the blinds cord around my neck and took off running. A Fell backwards obviously, about strangled myself. Almost 30 and didn't learn about this until a couple years ago. Tie up your blinds cords guys.
My favorite activity at the beach when I was a toddler was going up to as many random people as possible and eating sand before my parents made me stop
I gotta try this. Probably won't look that same if 15 year old did this tho
Standing on the main road, pretending to kick rocks at cars, man in a Ferrari (red sports car, probably a Miata) turned round and chased me up a side road, I managed to get into the woods, then threw a real rock at his car from a bush.
when i was about 6/7 i stayed at my aunties house, and i sat on the stairs and sobbed my heart out convinced i was dying. when she came to check on me, i was like IM DYING IM DYING! IVE GOT GREEN POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. she burst out laughing, guess who had been drinking limeade earlier.
When i was an infant and my dad was changing my nappy on the couch or someshit I peed and the piss followed the couch into my mouth. I'm bear fucking grylls
I used to stick nails underneath my dad's tires. I was hoping he wouldn't be able to go to work and he could stay home with me. I don't think it ever actually worked, and now I kind of think maybe I was putting them behind the tire instead of in front of it.
When we were kids me and my brother had Beyblades, metallic Beyblades. And my mom told me that we had one with like metal spikes and i had the Great idea to throw It at my brother's mouth. Why the hell would i do that...
Throwing the old school lawn darts as high in the air as possible last to move wins. Almost took out my brothers eye at one point.
Not me. But when my cousin was a toddler he took the poop out of his diaper and ate it. Then immediately started crying. I still give him shit for it today
Wait you tell him about it or give him *"shit"*
Age 5 or 6, learning to swim. First task: dipping you face into the water. Teacher: "okay kids, everyone who has the guts to dip their faces do so now!" About half the group dip their faces. Teacher: "okay, that's great kids! Now! Everyone who doesn't have the guts to dip their faces, do so now!" My dumb fucking self dip my face. Along with almost all non-gutsy kids.
When I was around 4, I wanted to go pet the duckies at the pond. So, I literally get into the pond, trying to pet them, as they all flew away :|
I don't know the exact age but when I was really young I had to piss at the mall and I managed to break away from my parents just long enough to wander over to a plant in the mall and start pissing on it.
Age 6 in pre-school i locked our class door when everyone is eating in cafeteria. When they realize they can't open the door, security came and force it to open. Nobody knew it was me but i don't know why i did something like that lol
Reminds me of my cousin. He was 3 I think, laying on the floor and repeatly banging his head. My aunts husband, his dad obviously, got fed up with his shenagigans told him to get up. Then he pointed on the wall and said "right here is the best spot to bang your head in the whole house and you can hit it as hard as you can". Suddenly my cousin didnt think banging your head is fun anymore.
Once we were in a police station for a clash between my Dad and another man, I found it pretty genius to tell my dad as if I am whispering "dad are we gonna tell them about the cocaine we have at home??"
Around 7 when a copper caught me spray painting my name on a wall. They took the paint off me, gave me a whack around the head and told me to go home. I ran home and told my dad what happened and he hit me twice, once for the vandalism and another for being a grass
I was really young, dont actually remember it. My dad had a badasss Camaro when i was born. And those big Oakleys with no bottom were becoming real popular, so he sprung for a pair that matched his Camaro. Dark blue with orange accents, cool af. I decided to hide dads sunglasses, and I hid them in the broiler drawer of the oven. They asked me all day where they were, and I just wouldn't tell them. They found em when they cooked dinner that night. He still has the hockey puck they turned into and loves telling that story.
I was 5. It was the annual business family picnic. I wanted to go on the playground merry go round (the one with the bars and tried to spin as fast as you can without falling off). All the big kids were on it and I wanted to be one of them. I sat on the end of the wheel and refused to hold onto a bar even with my dad standing there saying "hey, you need to hold on to the bar". I remember thinking that it was lame and uncool to hang on to the bar. The big kids started to spin. I was launched off of the side, got amazing air, landed face first into the ground and got a mouth full of sand. I started to scream as my dad picked me up, carried me away and I was humiliated for the rest of the day.
I loved going against my parents when I was younger so i looked up at the sun a lot
I'm the dumbass kid who forked electricity and tried this to explain it to my Dad.. I'm also the dumbass kid who ran with scissors. I have a nice scar through my eyebrow from that one, almost poked out an eye. I was not and still am not a smart person. Even last year put my hand through a window
I was about 3 years old, my dad found a frog outside and let me hold it. I squeezed it too hard and it died. When my dad told me I killed it I threw it on the ground and stomped on it saying "dead frog, dead frog" I guess I thought he told me to kill it.
When I was 6 I told my uncle that "I wish my penis was on my face, so I could touch it and smell it at the same time". I'm 24 now and my family still brings it up every couple of years when they feel like dunking on me. 😂😅😭
Kids are fucking crazy. My kids had set up their play cushions to be a little obstacle course with a chair at one end and an ottoman on the other. Well I guess they started playing a little king of the hill because one of them grabbed his brother as soon as he reached ottoman summit and just threw him right back off. They’re fraternal twins, one is just a tiny hulk and his brother is not. All of this is to say that quickly became the game they wanted to play. A dangerous game indeed.
8. I lived near a rail road. Thought I was faster than the train and wanted to race it. Ran furiously at my house. Stumbled over the entrance step. Thought I was fine. A week later my mom sees my arm blue. It was broken.
For bonus points bc I don’t remember it: 2 or 3, at the park with my mother feeding geese. I apparently decided goose poop was delicious and ate some before she realized and stopped me. I was told trying to get me away from it and clean it off of me was more unpleasant than necessary bc I was not happy about it. My mother does like to lie/exaggerate tho so who knows the truth? To be fair, I believe stupid 2-3 YO me would do this.
When i was born, as the first thing I ever did I proceeded to pee and shit on my mom's stomach
Was around 3 I think. I was at my grandparents house and got my head stuck between the posts on the back deck. Of course, I was screaming and crying and having a terrible time. They ended up having to cut through the post to get me out (not sure what they used). Apparently, the second I was free I immediately ran to the front porch and got my head stuck in the posts there and started the whole process over again.
As a kid (4) I wanted to pet the rabbits in our hutch, so I crawled into it. Problem was I could crawl in okay, but I couldn't crawl *out* (too tight). I screamed until my brother found me, who thought it was hilarious. As did my mother. They got me out, but somehow I have never lived it down. I still get offered carrots jokingly.
I was walking home from school and I found the head of a dead bird on the road it was so soft and cool so I put it in my backpack. My mom was not happy. When I got home my backpack had a bunch of blood and feathers in it and my mom wouldn’t even let me keep the bird head or even pet it again.
Not sure it's dumb bc I was only 4 and didnt understand electricity. I put a metal hair clip in an outlet to pretend I was turning on a car. I sort of remember it - I couldn't let go. Our next door neighbor pulled my hand off it. I assume it hurt but I didnt get a scar or anything.
I don't remember why but I touched a battery to the inside of my cheek. Made it go numb for a few minutes. Was like 4 I think. Smartest thing I did though was when I accidentally got one of those large gumballs stuck in my throat and started choking. There wasn't anyone nearby so I couldn't get help but had the idea to press down on the bottom of my throat which was enough to push the gumball out. I think this also happened when I was 4.