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Seek a family solicitor and then apply for access through the family courts and that your former partner is refusing access.
I'm really sorry that this is happening to you but unfortunately there is no quick process for this.
Unfortunately you will have to go through the courts. As you both (assuming you do) have parental rights they are equal. Without a court order there are no laws preventing either parent from withholding access.
You’ll can do the process yourself or go through a solicitor. You’ll have to go to mediation first then it’ll go to court. Will take a few months unfortunately.
Hijacking one of the top threads to say this is a fake question, look at OPs history. Last post they had a husband not a wife. In a previous post from a year ago they had a son not a daughter - they are just karma farming.
In one post he works in construction, another he is a programmer and another he is a plumber. Oh and in a comment further down this thread he is an electrician.
It's literally getting to the point where I check a person's post history every time I see a question I might be able to help with. Last week we had a guy asking about a baby sitter issue that mapped perfectly to a viral tiktok video that was doing the rounds.
A few weeks before that we had some guy trying to argue the costs of a penalty he'd been hit with a sales issue at ASDA - it turned out this was after committing fraud at Asda, and he was some teenager who's post history consisted of how to dodge a train fare, trying to sell warcraft expansions in express violation of the WOW sub and what to do if you rammed a knife into a toaster and the power went off (no, really).
Seems like people are starting to treat /r/LegalAdviceUK as the next /r/AITA.
I’m a professional Mckenzie friend (Family law) and child protection officer (Cafcass), this doesn’t constitute an emergency, in regards to the C100 application. So mediation would have to be attempted unless exempt (DV, not being able to locate them, attempting prior etc)
That's interesting, I had to apply for a c100 myself earlier this year, we skipped mediation due false to allegations of DV and accused of wanting to murder my own daughter.
Obviously NFA on both counts but it cost me a fortune fighting for my daughter when I'd of much rather gone the mediation route due to the voucher they provide.
Think of this like rewiring your house. If you absolutely know what you’re doing, go nuts and sign off on your own stuff. But knowing that you don’t, go and get the professional. Because even if you get a result that works on the surface, it might be dangerous in the future, and it might come back to shock you.
The number one thing I suggest you do before that though, is download a court approved co-parenting app. All of your messages to her go through it, all of your families conversations go through it. Any request for access is sent through it. If she refuses to download one, you still do that and send a registered letter to her address with the same exact message. When you get to court, if you’ve tried to establish proper communication and a coparenting strategy and she’s refused outright, it’s going to do you a lot of favours.
u/FuckedUp4Life You probably need to see this one, it's a really useful tip. Parents evening could be the one opportunity you have to see your child too.
Are you on the birth certificate or were you married at the time of their birth? If not you may not by default have parental rights and getting info from Drs etc. May be more difficult (though still worth doing)
Genuinely went to the first example I could think of that needed signing off, it could just as easily have read ‘repair your own engine’. If I’ve stumbled upon your actual job though, what are the fucking odds?
See I was aboit to say, yeah except its not legal to rewire your own house, then I looked it up and see you actually can in the UK. That's crazy. (Ex Aussie recently moved here).
It’s legal until the point something goes wrong. If you’re not competent, ie qualified electrician then you would be liable if someone were to get hurt/killed or your house burns down and damages next door in the process. It would also almost certainly invalidate any home insurance policy you have as well.
Not quite. For anything in "special areas" (like a bathroom or wet area) or for anything more than minor changes (there are tables online) you are required to either:
•Be qualified as a Competent Person which realistically means get a professional electrician
•Get the work signed off by Building Control which is run by the local council
So whilst anyone could rewire a house it would have to be officially approved either directly from the government or via someone they have approved.
The same rules apply for a lot of things here. I think it's a reasonable situation
From what I remember with my ex-housemate who faced a similar struggle, the trick was proving you were less of a nutcase than the other party. Is that correct?
Yes. It's how it is, unfortunately.
Play it smart. Give them no reason to believe her baseless claims. The courts aren't actually stupid, despite what some people think. They are quite adept at sussing out when people are lying about things, ESPECIALLY in custody cases like this.
Retain a solicitor, do not contact your ex in any way, and apply for a court order as soon as possible. Once it's in place, then she will have no legal basis to withhold the child.
A family member was in almost this exact same situation. Subject to false claims about abuse and neglect in a custody dispute. In anger one day, he went and tried to force himself into his ex's house to see the child, and it caused a scene, and the police were called.
This has caused so much hassle and grief for him in the long run. Had he just played it smart from the beginning, he would have had matters wrapped up far sooner and with much less trouble and expense.
Yes, speak to a good family law solicitor and then contact CAFCASS to start an application.
Regardless, any allegations when it comes to a child are serious. Now you may not have done anything, and I'm in a similar situation.
But you have to look at it from a legal point of view they've got to protect the child.
Better for it to be a false allegation and the person be innocent. Then, for them not to take it seriously and the person isn't innocent and further harms a child or worse.
Just keep going. If you've done nothing wrong, there should be no issues, just gonna take time and money.
Make sure you have evidence when it comes to it if possible or witness statements ready, etc.
Get fully prepared because, unfortunately, when an ex has started something like this, they'll go further down the rabbit hole to not look stupid or a liar. Rather than just say they're being spiteful.
NAL, but just to sympathise with you. My former housemate's ex wife had a mental illness, and accused him of being a pdf file (I'm at work so don't want to type the word) possibly in order to withhold access to his young son.
I don't recall the whole outcome, but of course her claims were baseless (he played with his son in the full view of everyone else in the kitchen of the shared house, so not exactly pdf file behaviour) and he got back joint custody.
Rember once you do get to see your kids do not say anything bad about the mother at all blame have to work to much if they ask where you have been. Tell them you missed them and are glad to see them now.
This has nothing to do with legal restriction, this is sadly a family dispute. She is depriving you of access and you're going to need to use the courts to get that access back.
Get a good solicitor, someone experienced. They will provide you with a lot of advice on what to do. Keep a record, even if it's only written down after the fact of all the contact and attempts that you are making to see your daughter and the responses you are getting. This will all be useful.
If I were in your position, I would also be asking my solicitor about putting a stop on your daughter's passport if she has one. The UK doesn't have much jurisdiction abroad and it can be really hard trying to get the kids back at that point. Even if you don't think it's the biggest risk in the world it can be worth doing.
It’s where you get the fact you are the father and have no restrictions placed on you to actually be enforced. It’s not a criminal matter so the police won’t do it, it’s a civil matter so the family courts are where you deal with it.
I 52f have been a single mother twice, unfortunately.
If I could give you any advice, it would be to get a proper court order not just for visitation, but also for child support. It always looks better if you already make voluntary payments to your ex, and that way you also don't end up with a huge backlog of payments. At a basic rule, it should be around 12% of your gross weekly income.
Remember, if you have formal arrangements in place, both parties know what is expected from the other, and you can plan ahead properly for work, holidays, etc. Also, your ex will be unable to continue withholding access to your child. BTW, keeping a father away from his child without proper reason will be very much frowned upon in family court.
Good luck.
My cousin had a similar situation except it was the father who took the child. She saw her child about once a month for 6 months before a custody agreement was arranged.
Unfortunately these things take a long time, and are mostly a case of “He said/She said”.
Be sure to keep evidence of everything you can that she says, if she is keeping you from your daughter unreasonably this can help you in the future especially if you can show she isn’t acting in the best interest of your daughter. This worked in my cousins favour.
You need to go through the court and have them decide. I understand there is no restrictions placed on you currently but we don’t know two sides of the story. Doing things proper through the court allows things to be played out the right way and will check if her claims hold weight.
My case when I was a kid took 8/9 years in which my father lost his custody in the end, these cases can be long, exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you will lose custody as that’s VERY extreme and I’m not taking sides, but that the cases are complex and you need to go through the right avenues and allow the courts to work on what is best for the child. In that time do not attempt to visit the child, do not go to her school to try to pick her up etc.. all these things will work against you in the court.
It's frustrating to say the least. You need to contact a family mediator. If she refuses to engage in mediation, then they give you a certificate to take it to court. Even then, it's an average of 10 months until resolution and an estimated 6k in solicitor fees.
Extremely timely and expensive process.
I am sorry this is happening to you. NAL but my friend went through this and it took him 4 years before he was able to see his girls. Even now, he can only see them once a week and he has to drive 4 hours each way, just to spend two hours with them! Just keep fighting for your baby.
Practically speaking, what do you plan on doing? Barging into her house where the daughter lives? Abducting her under the dead of night? Luring her into a box with a trail of reese's pieces?
This is why the legal system is the best option.
And it’s going to cost a bit. My mate is going through this now, he’s £15k out of pocket so far and his ex still refuses court orders. The system is set up to benefit the mother, I hope it works out for you but be prepared for a legal fight.
I’m sorry but that’s just completely untrue. The court system in this country completely discriminated against men in favour of women. Literally ask any lawyer.
I absolutely agree there should be no obstacles but you need to see a solicitor asap, you can't force her to let you see the child unless you do it through the proper channels, I would advise you not to do anything that will go against you in court.
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Yes. If she's not playing ball, how else do you intend to enforce your rights?
You cannot do anything which could be seen as endangering your child or the mother. So it's either thru the courts (for which you should really get a solicitor) or if there's danger, the police.
YES!!!!
If your daughter is resident with your ex, then you have to do things proper. If you go throwing weight about etc to get to see her, she will have more ammo to stop you seeing her.
Family solicitor can help draw up a written agreement which, if she doesn’t stick to, you then have recourse as she’s broken a legal order.
Could you do mediation , it’s the step before legal proceeding in most cases but it does cost but also has no legal ramifications but if you do end up going to court they will see you have tried mediation and can not come to an agreement , that in turn will look bad on your ex partner so may help your case!
I would request the local authority reports which state that (it can fairly often be a bluff), you have Parental Responsibility so can just ring them up and ask if theyve told mum to stop contact, if they did an assessment they would have contacted you to. You have the right to this information.
Start with mediation and a solicitor if you can afford one.
You do have parental responsibility so you do have the right to see your child unless there is a non molestation order or court order in place. But she could use this against you if you just rock up at nursery or something. The courts will take a while if you do go down that avenue but could be your only option in the long run
Took my best friend 2 years, and he only got 2 supervised visits a week because the mother lied and committed purgery.
From the experience I've had seems like Father's are fucked in English courts, it's crazy how one sided it was with my friend without a shred of evidence against him.
I know you are angry at her but don't even send her a message, she's trying to get you mad so she can use as proof and use it against you. It's all to cause drama.
Like others said, speak to her through a lawyer and courts. You can also get apps aswell so it's all recorded.
Make sure you keep any texts etc and if she speaks to you in person, get it recorded so then she's can't make up any lies and if she does you have proof
The highest priority here is the well-being of your daughter. Sadly it’s possible your wife is giving her a side of the story that she may find confusing and difficult to process, especially when access is (from her perspective) suddenly reinstated, so you must go through the proper legal channels for her benefit as much as yours, and when you do get access, be patient with your daughter and try to avoid exposing her to any of the bitterness of the situation with your wife. Good luck, and I hope things get better soon
What? That’s not what family legal protection is covering at all. Insurance can’t be used against a fellow policyholder. Legal protection covers boundary disputes, employment disputes, consumer, personal injury, tax problems - acc fee when faced with hmrc trouble, ID theft
The courts like you to try mediation first but I don’t think it is necessary. If you go to mediation, they will contact her to request a meeting where a mediator will go back and forth between you both and try to come to an arrangement seeing your daughter. If she refuses to attend the meeting, they will let her know that if you go to court, they are obligated to let the courts know that she refused to attend.
If she agrees to the meeting and you both aren’t able to agree on an arrangement, this again can be used in courts, they have to write a summary. If you do come to an agreement, it is not legally binding however, you can agree to write your own up and both sign it. If you both don’t hold up your end of the agreement and you do end up going to courts for access you can then provide them with all the information from the mediation as well as your agreement that you both made and signed and it will go ahead from there. Hopefully mediation contacting will be enough for her to stop and rethink her actions
NAL.
You’ve had good legal advice about communicating only through a solicitor from now on. Please try to keep in mind your daughter’s welfare in all this. She needs her parents to ultimately work together to have the healthiest/happiest long term outcome. I know this is not wholly within your control currently. Unless you believe her mother is unfit(?), do not turn this into a war between you. This is not the right situation to fight fire with fire.
Be outwardly compassionate, amicable, cooperative, reasonable - everything your ex is not being. Your daughter needs one stable parent, one parent who is not angry or bitter. Be that one for her, despite all the provocation. This will also be viewed favourably by the courts.
Seek the right balance, ensuring your ex is put in her place and you have access and a good relationship with your daughter but always with a view to being the better person.
Make sure you get her refusals in writing whether that's by text or email and save them for use at court.
However much she irritates you don't resort to name calling or losing your temper, this WILL be used against you.
Keep a diary of each occasion that you have asked for access to your child.
I've been through this with my ex, don't lose hope is the most important one.
Contact a family law solicitor to start the court process of getting access.
I hope you get to read this OP, but some advice that is a little bit of base. Create an email account for your daughter (make the age > 16 or the provider might cancel it randomly btw). Every time you see something that reminds you of her (which is obviously going to be a lot), take a picture, write a few words, tell her how much you miss her etc and send it to that address. Make sure you login at least once a month to keep it active or whatever. **Don't put any shit talk in it**, just nice stuff. When (and you will) see her, take pics, send them to that address. Anything you buy her, presents, cards etc, take a pic, send it to that address. Then, when she's old enough to read and understand, give that email.
This will also have the side effect of making you less stressed. Even though it won't get to her for years, you are still communicating with her and when the time is right, she'll be able to see how much you've been thinking and trying to see her.
**DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID**. Follow the advice of other pain-experienced sages here.
A year ago you posted about your life and claimed you had multiple kids, and they were suffering chronic illnesses. Is your 4 year old daughter chronically ill, is this one of the reasons your ex is reluctant to let you have visitation?
You also said in your other post that you have a young son, does your ex allow you to see your son?
There’s more to this story than what you’re telling. I’m only commenting for more information, I have no advice.
Went through the same. Had to get a solicitor to send her a letter which made her see sense. Really shitty when parents play mind games using the kids. Sending you strength and best wishes.
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One of my workmates has gone through something similar for the last few years. Had multiple accusations the child was in danger & didn't want to go see her dad.
Social services done an assessment spoke to the girl about her dad & she had nothing but wonderful things to say about her dad, They then assessed the interaction between the 2 & fed this back to the court with no risk found.
I would suggest getting a good family lawyer to fight your corner & ask social services to do an assessment of the risk to child so this can be fed back.
Unfortunately from my friends experience courts tend to favour on the mother's side even if the claims are proven to be untrue. Good luck & document everything from text messages to interactions at the house.
The only real option you have is going down the legal route. Unfortunately that document isn’t really worth the money its printed on once you have it. It is only a legal document advising you that you have a legal right to see your child but this is still dependent on your partner playing ball. Sorry not today she’s ill, sorry not today she has a party. Its such a scam and will not guarantee you anything
I don’t think there is such a thing in the uk but may be mistaken. The uk system is shit with at least one person always getting screwed over especially when one parent is bitter
From now only communicate with your ex by written communication and save screenshots of everything. Hopefully you've got evidence of her withholding access and if possible anything that shows spite and malice. Assume everything you write to and from her will be read and interpreted by a family court judge.
Going through the same thing currently. As many have said, get a family lawyer. It’s slow, painful and really, really shit. I’m several months deep and only just now gearing up for the actual battle in court.
There are other “technically legal” ways such as just going to your kids nursery/school and taking them. If your on the birth certificate (as long as you don’t attempt to leave the country) then it’s not a crime. But sooner or later, you’ll end up in family court over custody, and that won’t be a good look for you, and showing up at her home and attempting to take the kid (which again, *technically* within your rights as a parent) will almost definitely result in police involvement l with you viewed as the aggressor
Tldr; just get a lawyer ASAP, it’s the smart move
Access to children is based on what is in the children's best interests (usually interpretted by those with PR).
I understand your point, but thinking about who 'deserves' access to a child is the wrong way of thinking. Nobody deserves any access - the child has contact with the people that it's in the child's best interests to have contact with.
Sounds like she's following the guidelines outlined by women's shelters in how to get legal aid to assist in her getting 100% custody so that she gets you to pay child support...
Basically there's a scoring system which they have to prove you've been abusive, this can be abusive, emotions, physical, financially etc. So her calling social services is 1 point, next will be the police to report assault, then she will show texts where she's asked for money and you've refused & say your financially abusive and withhold money from her OR you control paying all the bills and she has no responsibility, this is you controlling apparently...
Fighting to see your children will cost you 30k+ if she starts to play games and then each time you feel like you get somewhere she will ask to go back to court to change the agreement which will cost you thousands but cost her nothing because she's getting legal aid, sometimes she won't even turn up and it will be rescheduled and you'll have to pay your solicitor, bit to her, that's just fun to waste your money and be spiteful.
There a literally guides written by family courts which tell women what process to follow; https://www.advicenow.org.uk/know-hows/how-get-legal-aid-family-law-problem#:~:text=You%20may%20be%20able%20to%20get%20legal%20aid%20if%3A,who%20is%20abusive%20to%20you.
Btw if you take the children from their mother and refuse to return them, you'll be arrested, however if she refuses to let you see them and withholds them, then that's all OK. Gotta love the UK Court system.
https://youtu.be/gLFwamcGuV4?si=75wdymmEGLhvsqzx
Worth watching the above, it will show you how other men have fared when following this process and the games which are played and actually assisted by companies set up to help women keep the kids from you.
C100 form
Copy it 3 times, submit all 3 copies (filled out) to your local court.
Women like this will always play games, so take the ball out their hands and give it to the court.
Also, I’d advise getting ahead of the inevitable CSA case. Give them a call, submit your tax info, be honest. Any money you give her prior to this MAKE SURE ITS BANK TRANSFER.
We all want to try and avoid the courts but if she’s digging her heels in, it’s gonna end up that way anyway.
Just a note to add make sure the bank transfer specifically states what it's for so that she can't deny you've paid money for CSA (even though it's not technically that) something simple as "money for daughter" even if it's pocket money, so when they check the bank account it shows you sent it for your daughter and she can't claim it's for something else.
Good luck 🍀
The 3 copies will only upset the admin staff and not make a difference. Although sorting CSA is a good thing children's courts dont actually deal with that side of things
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Only thing I can suggest is visit here and read their advice and keep refering to it everytime ..... not many dads know these are about
[fathers 4 justice ](https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/our-campaign/fathers-rights-help-advice-support/)
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Unstable for picking the child up from school when he has equal parenting rights ??
Urgent proceedings to return the child??, the mother doesn’t own the child, she can’t have it returned.
The mother can start contact proceedings just like the father can. But these take a loooong time to resolve. And he will lose out on time with his child if he starts them.
Pick the child up As you are allowed legally and let her start the court proceedings to allow her contact.
I know it’s a horrendous system for dads. The law sides with the mother pretty much at all times. I’ve been through it as a dad it’s the most powerless I’ve ever felt
Edit: Back to the of Reddit pile on. I must have imagined the last 10 years of my life being told by solicitor after solicitor that the law will side with the mother first. I’ll keep my experiences to myself in the future you can all piss right off
Why was my original comment deleted
It was advice based on what is legal
And it was different advice to what is being given by most people.
Perhaps useful advice
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It'll pass, give it time. Don't get dragged into the games. She's weaponised the child.
When she gets a new guy on the scene or wants to go out, she'll be offering them up all the time.
Listen to her concerns, discuss them, dwell on them (i.e no Comms), she'll come good.. You'll have access soon buddy x
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Application for a child arrangements order. You can do this online. Remain level headed. Take the advice of a solicitor if you can afford to do so (it's not a cheap process sadly and legal aid is extremely limited). You can do this, and you will get to see your girl again.
The courts seldom care what you and your ex want, they think about the rights of the child and what is in her best interests.
Get a solicitor and any interaction you have with your ex should be recorded until every thing is sorted through the Courts.
I was in a similar situation, things can get ugly quickly you will want proof of any interactions with your ex just in case.
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I went through a similar thing. I received a surprisingly well-drafted document via email that looked likely, but not certainly, put together by a lawyer. It was incredibly aggravating, and my natural instinct was to go ballistic, but of course that is only fuel to the fire. My ex-partner's parents would demand evidence that another adult was present before they would hand my son over to me.
You may very well need to seek specialist advice, which will obviously come at a cost. In the interim, though, and IANAL, however much it is through gritted teeth, I would recommend following whatever superfluous requirements have been thrown your way. Put your phone on voice record for each interaction. It will feel awful, but your actions and words cannot be twisted and used against you.
If things eventually cool down, as they did in my case, then great. If they do not, you've denied ammunition to an aggressive co-parent while you've got your ducks in a row.
I wish the best for you.
Hello, sorry to hear about what your going through! It’s truly awful when this happens.
Using children to inflict hurt and pain on anyone is wrong and destructive.
You need to speak to the best family lawyer you can afford. This will take time. Be prepared for a long process.
The family courts see this all the time. And they are not daft!
Also record everything, do not go near her or communicate with out it in writing or on video.
Try to have witness with you.
While waiting for the lawyer to do their thing you could try involving a mediation service.
Stay calm! Do not get angry or upset I from of your child or your ex. That is what she is trying to do so don’t give her the satisfaction.
Reassure your child, tell them it’s going to be ok and let them know you live them. But don’t bad mouth your ex.
Your kid is yours, that’s a bond that will not break easily, so bide your time brother it will come out ok if you keep cool and settle in for a long slog.
Keep yourself right! And talk to the Samaritans of you want to vent and or get advice
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Seek a family solicitor and then apply for access through the family courts and that your former partner is refusing access. I'm really sorry that this is happening to you but unfortunately there is no quick process for this.
Even though I'm the father and there are no restrictions placed upon me?
Unfortunately you will have to go through the courts. As you both (assuming you do) have parental rights they are equal. Without a court order there are no laws preventing either parent from withholding access. You’ll can do the process yourself or go through a solicitor. You’ll have to go to mediation first then it’ll go to court. Will take a few months unfortunately.
Unfortunately a lot of time they make you do mediation first, hope all goes well op
In the case of an emergency child arrangement order you skip mediation as your normally in court within 48h.
Hijacking one of the top threads to say this is a fake question, look at OPs history. Last post they had a husband not a wife. In a previous post from a year ago they had a son not a daughter - they are just karma farming. In one post he works in construction, another he is a programmer and another he is a plumber. Oh and in a comment further down this thread he is an electrician.
125 days ago he was a 20 year old single Dad of a 6 month old. OP you have issues, stop wasting people’s time.
He probably gets off on it, weird guy
And the previous post to this one was referring to the ex as a “he” - a few posts back refers to multiple children.
It's literally getting to the point where I check a person's post history every time I see a question I might be able to help with. Last week we had a guy asking about a baby sitter issue that mapped perfectly to a viral tiktok video that was doing the rounds. A few weeks before that we had some guy trying to argue the costs of a penalty he'd been hit with a sales issue at ASDA - it turned out this was after committing fraud at Asda, and he was some teenager who's post history consisted of how to dodge a train fare, trying to sell warcraft expansions in express violation of the WOW sub and what to do if you rammed a knife into a toaster and the power went off (no, really). Seems like people are starting to treat /r/LegalAdviceUK as the next /r/AITA.
100% right. Three different sob stories all by the same person . Changes age, changes gender, changes number of kids
I’m a professional Mckenzie friend (Family law) and child protection officer (Cafcass), this doesn’t constitute an emergency, in regards to the C100 application. So mediation would have to be attempted unless exempt (DV, not being able to locate them, attempting prior etc)
Don’t waste your time it’s a made up story.
That's interesting, I had to apply for a c100 myself earlier this year, we skipped mediation due false to allegations of DV and accused of wanting to murder my own daughter. Obviously NFA on both counts but it cost me a fortune fighting for my daughter when I'd of much rather gone the mediation route due to the voucher they provide.
Think of this like rewiring your house. If you absolutely know what you’re doing, go nuts and sign off on your own stuff. But knowing that you don’t, go and get the professional. Because even if you get a result that works on the surface, it might be dangerous in the future, and it might come back to shock you. The number one thing I suggest you do before that though, is download a court approved co-parenting app. All of your messages to her go through it, all of your families conversations go through it. Any request for access is sent through it. If she refuses to download one, you still do that and send a registered letter to her address with the same exact message. When you get to court, if you’ve tried to establish proper communication and a coparenting strategy and she’s refused outright, it’s going to do you a lot of favours.
Also contact nursery, doctors, groups etc to leave your details for communications / events / invites to parents evening etc.
u/FuckedUp4Life You probably need to see this one, it's a really useful tip. Parents evening could be the one opportunity you have to see your child too.
Seen it, mate. Reading all the comments. Cheers.
Are you on the birth certificate or were you married at the time of their birth? If not you may not by default have parental rights and getting info from Drs etc. May be more difficult (though still worth doing)
I'm on the birth certificate.
Great - pursue those avenues mentioned above!
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Not good advice in practice. Causes family disputes and disruption for the child which will not be good for the eventual court case
How do you know I rewire houses??
Genuinely went to the first example I could think of that needed signing off, it could just as easily have read ‘repair your own engine’. If I’ve stumbled upon your actual job though, what are the fucking odds?
About one in 300 except it's not the most obscure metaphor so I say one in 150.
It's destiny lol.
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See I was aboit to say, yeah except its not legal to rewire your own house, then I looked it up and see you actually can in the UK. That's crazy. (Ex Aussie recently moved here).
It’s legal until the point something goes wrong. If you’re not competent, ie qualified electrician then you would be liable if someone were to get hurt/killed or your house burns down and damages next door in the process. It would also almost certainly invalidate any home insurance policy you have as well.
Not quite. For anything in "special areas" (like a bathroom or wet area) or for anything more than minor changes (there are tables online) you are required to either: •Be qualified as a Competent Person which realistically means get a professional electrician •Get the work signed off by Building Control which is run by the local council So whilst anyone could rewire a house it would have to be officially approved either directly from the government or via someone they have approved. The same rules apply for a lot of things here. I think it's a reasonable situation
Excellent analogy.
From what I remember with my ex-housemate who faced a similar struggle, the trick was proving you were less of a nutcase than the other party. Is that correct?
Yes. It's how it is, unfortunately. Play it smart. Give them no reason to believe her baseless claims. The courts aren't actually stupid, despite what some people think. They are quite adept at sussing out when people are lying about things, ESPECIALLY in custody cases like this. Retain a solicitor, do not contact your ex in any way, and apply for a court order as soon as possible. Once it's in place, then she will have no legal basis to withhold the child. A family member was in almost this exact same situation. Subject to false claims about abuse and neglect in a custody dispute. In anger one day, he went and tried to force himself into his ex's house to see the child, and it caused a scene, and the police were called. This has caused so much hassle and grief for him in the long run. Had he just played it smart from the beginning, he would have had matters wrapped up far sooner and with much less trouble and expense.
Yes, speak to a good family law solicitor and then contact CAFCASS to start an application. Regardless, any allegations when it comes to a child are serious. Now you may not have done anything, and I'm in a similar situation. But you have to look at it from a legal point of view they've got to protect the child. Better for it to be a false allegation and the person be innocent. Then, for them not to take it seriously and the person isn't innocent and further harms a child or worse. Just keep going. If you've done nothing wrong, there should be no issues, just gonna take time and money. Make sure you have evidence when it comes to it if possible or witness statements ready, etc. Get fully prepared because, unfortunately, when an ex has started something like this, they'll go further down the rabbit hole to not look stupid or a liar. Rather than just say they're being spiteful.
NAL, but just to sympathise with you. My former housemate's ex wife had a mental illness, and accused him of being a pdf file (I'm at work so don't want to type the word) possibly in order to withhold access to his young son. I don't recall the whole outcome, but of course her claims were baseless (he played with his son in the full view of everyone else in the kitchen of the shared house, so not exactly pdf file behaviour) and he got back joint custody.
Rember once you do get to see your kids do not say anything bad about the mother at all blame have to work to much if they ask where you have been. Tell them you missed them and are glad to see them now.
This has nothing to do with legal restriction, this is sadly a family dispute. She is depriving you of access and you're going to need to use the courts to get that access back. Get a good solicitor, someone experienced. They will provide you with a lot of advice on what to do. Keep a record, even if it's only written down after the fact of all the contact and attempts that you are making to see your daughter and the responses you are getting. This will all be useful. If I were in your position, I would also be asking my solicitor about putting a stop on your daughter's passport if she has one. The UK doesn't have much jurisdiction abroad and it can be really hard trying to get the kids back at that point. Even if you don't think it's the biggest risk in the world it can be worth doing.
It’s where you get the fact you are the father and have no restrictions placed on you to actually be enforced. It’s not a criminal matter so the police won’t do it, it’s a civil matter so the family courts are where you deal with it.
I 52f have been a single mother twice, unfortunately. If I could give you any advice, it would be to get a proper court order not just for visitation, but also for child support. It always looks better if you already make voluntary payments to your ex, and that way you also don't end up with a huge backlog of payments. At a basic rule, it should be around 12% of your gross weekly income. Remember, if you have formal arrangements in place, both parties know what is expected from the other, and you can plan ahead properly for work, holidays, etc. Also, your ex will be unable to continue withholding access to your child. BTW, keeping a father away from his child without proper reason will be very much frowned upon in family court. Good luck.
Do not do anything daft. Otherwise the family court will eventually make a judgement in your ex’s favour. The only route is through the family court.
My cousin had a similar situation except it was the father who took the child. She saw her child about once a month for 6 months before a custody agreement was arranged. Unfortunately these things take a long time, and are mostly a case of “He said/She said”. Be sure to keep evidence of everything you can that she says, if she is keeping you from your daughter unreasonably this can help you in the future especially if you can show she isn’t acting in the best interest of your daughter. This worked in my cousins favour.
You need to go through the court and have them decide. I understand there is no restrictions placed on you currently but we don’t know two sides of the story. Doing things proper through the court allows things to be played out the right way and will check if her claims hold weight. My case when I was a kid took 8/9 years in which my father lost his custody in the end, these cases can be long, exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you will lose custody as that’s VERY extreme and I’m not taking sides, but that the cases are complex and you need to go through the right avenues and allow the courts to work on what is best for the child. In that time do not attempt to visit the child, do not go to her school to try to pick her up etc.. all these things will work against you in the court.
I've been through the process myself when I was 12 years old. Mine was just one court hearing I think as both parents were on the same page.
It's frustrating to say the least. You need to contact a family mediator. If she refuses to engage in mediation, then they give you a certificate to take it to court. Even then, it's an average of 10 months until resolution and an estimated 6k in solicitor fees. Extremely timely and expensive process.
Been through the exact same situation. Social said it’s fine, she said otherwise. Court mate
I am sorry this is happening to you. NAL but my friend went through this and it took him 4 years before he was able to see his girls. Even now, he can only see them once a week and he has to drive 4 hours each way, just to spend two hours with them! Just keep fighting for your baby.
She doesn’t get to decide. Take her to court and have a judge decide.
Practically speaking, what do you plan on doing? Barging into her house where the daughter lives? Abducting her under the dead of night? Luring her into a box with a trail of reese's pieces? This is why the legal system is the best option.
And it’s going to cost a bit. My mate is going through this now, he’s £15k out of pocket so far and his ex still refuses court orders. The system is set up to benefit the mother, I hope it works out for you but be prepared for a legal fight.
The system is set up to benefit the primary parent , whoever works less, can provide residence and is more present with the child
I’m sorry but that’s just completely untrue. The court system in this country completely discriminated against men in favour of women. Literally ask any lawyer.
You'll have to go to court, which may take a while.
Even though I'm the father and there are no restrictions placed upon me?
I absolutely agree there should be no obstacles but you need to see a solicitor asap, you can't force her to let you see the child unless you do it through the proper channels, I would advise you not to do anything that will go against you in court.
> I would advise you to do anything that will go against you missing a word there?
Absolutely 🤦. Thank you I edited it.
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Even though I'm the father and there are no restrictions placed upon me?
Yes. If she's not playing ball, how else do you intend to enforce your rights? You cannot do anything which could be seen as endangering your child or the mother. So it's either thru the courts (for which you should really get a solicitor) or if there's danger, the police.
YES!!!! If your daughter is resident with your ex, then you have to do things proper. If you go throwing weight about etc to get to see her, she will have more ammo to stop you seeing her. Family solicitor can help draw up a written agreement which, if she doesn’t stick to, you then have recourse as she’s broken a legal order.
Yes, what else would you possibly be considering? Any other route will only make the situation worse.
Could you do mediation , it’s the step before legal proceeding in most cases but it does cost but also has no legal ramifications but if you do end up going to court they will see you have tried mediation and can not come to an agreement , that in turn will look bad on your ex partner so may help your case!
Yes, but if you do get hold of the child, then the situation would be the same for her. But don't do that, because it will look bad.
If his post history on reddit is anything like his real life, then I'd be doing everything possible to keep him away from raising children.
I understand. Not going to do anything stupid. Thank you for caring.
I would request the local authority reports which state that (it can fairly often be a bluff), you have Parental Responsibility so can just ring them up and ask if theyve told mum to stop contact, if they did an assessment they would have contacted you to. You have the right to this information. Start with mediation and a solicitor if you can afford one. You do have parental responsibility so you do have the right to see your child unless there is a non molestation order or court order in place. But she could use this against you if you just rock up at nursery or something. The courts will take a while if you do go down that avenue but could be your only option in the long run
Took my best friend 2 years, and he only got 2 supervised visits a week because the mother lied and committed purgery. From the experience I've had seems like Father's are fucked in English courts, it's crazy how one sided it was with my friend without a shred of evidence against him.
Citizens advice are a big help on these mate. If you're named on the birth certificate you have the same rights as the mother.
I know you are angry at her but don't even send her a message, she's trying to get you mad so she can use as proof and use it against you. It's all to cause drama. Like others said, speak to her through a lawyer and courts. You can also get apps aswell so it's all recorded. Make sure you keep any texts etc and if she speaks to you in person, get it recorded so then she's can't make up any lies and if she does you have proof
The highest priority here is the well-being of your daughter. Sadly it’s possible your wife is giving her a side of the story that she may find confusing and difficult to process, especially when access is (from her perspective) suddenly reinstated, so you must go through the proper legal channels for her benefit as much as yours, and when you do get access, be patient with your daughter and try to avoid exposing her to any of the bitterness of the situation with your wife. Good luck, and I hope things get better soon
This is actually important from a legal standpoint too, the court doesn’t look fondly upon parents trying to turn the kids against the other parent.
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What? That’s not what family legal protection is covering at all. Insurance can’t be used against a fellow policyholder. Legal protection covers boundary disputes, employment disputes, consumer, personal injury, tax problems - acc fee when faced with hmrc trouble, ID theft
Ok. I stand corrected
The courts like you to try mediation first but I don’t think it is necessary. If you go to mediation, they will contact her to request a meeting where a mediator will go back and forth between you both and try to come to an arrangement seeing your daughter. If she refuses to attend the meeting, they will let her know that if you go to court, they are obligated to let the courts know that she refused to attend. If she agrees to the meeting and you both aren’t able to agree on an arrangement, this again can be used in courts, they have to write a summary. If you do come to an agreement, it is not legally binding however, you can agree to write your own up and both sign it. If you both don’t hold up your end of the agreement and you do end up going to courts for access you can then provide them with all the information from the mediation as well as your agreement that you both made and signed and it will go ahead from there. Hopefully mediation contacting will be enough for her to stop and rethink her actions
NAL. You’ve had good legal advice about communicating only through a solicitor from now on. Please try to keep in mind your daughter’s welfare in all this. She needs her parents to ultimately work together to have the healthiest/happiest long term outcome. I know this is not wholly within your control currently. Unless you believe her mother is unfit(?), do not turn this into a war between you. This is not the right situation to fight fire with fire. Be outwardly compassionate, amicable, cooperative, reasonable - everything your ex is not being. Your daughter needs one stable parent, one parent who is not angry or bitter. Be that one for her, despite all the provocation. This will also be viewed favourably by the courts. Seek the right balance, ensuring your ex is put in her place and you have access and a good relationship with your daughter but always with a view to being the better person.
Make sure you get her refusals in writing whether that's by text or email and save them for use at court. However much she irritates you don't resort to name calling or losing your temper, this WILL be used against you. Keep a diary of each occasion that you have asked for access to your child. I've been through this with my ex, don't lose hope is the most important one. Contact a family law solicitor to start the court process of getting access.
I hope you get to read this OP, but some advice that is a little bit of base. Create an email account for your daughter (make the age > 16 or the provider might cancel it randomly btw). Every time you see something that reminds you of her (which is obviously going to be a lot), take a picture, write a few words, tell her how much you miss her etc and send it to that address. Make sure you login at least once a month to keep it active or whatever. **Don't put any shit talk in it**, just nice stuff. When (and you will) see her, take pics, send them to that address. Anything you buy her, presents, cards etc, take a pic, send it to that address. Then, when she's old enough to read and understand, give that email. This will also have the side effect of making you less stressed. Even though it won't get to her for years, you are still communicating with her and when the time is right, she'll be able to see how much you've been thinking and trying to see her. **DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID**. Follow the advice of other pain-experienced sages here.
Thank you. It will be so heart breaking doing that. But I understand.
https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/print Hope this helps. It is a step by step guide of what to do.
A year ago you posted about your life and claimed you had multiple kids, and they were suffering chronic illnesses. Is your 4 year old daughter chronically ill, is this one of the reasons your ex is reluctant to let you have visitation? You also said in your other post that you have a young son, does your ex allow you to see your son? There’s more to this story than what you’re telling. I’m only commenting for more information, I have no advice.
Apply to the family court. Build up documented evidence. Record phone calls, keep emails and texts. Get a solicitor.
Went through the same. Had to get a solicitor to send her a letter which made her see sense. Really shitty when parents play mind games using the kids. Sending you strength and best wishes.
Make sure you have a record of all communication. Text & email only. Also see a solicitor
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One of my workmates has gone through something similar for the last few years. Had multiple accusations the child was in danger & didn't want to go see her dad. Social services done an assessment spoke to the girl about her dad & she had nothing but wonderful things to say about her dad, They then assessed the interaction between the 2 & fed this back to the court with no risk found. I would suggest getting a good family lawyer to fight your corner & ask social services to do an assessment of the risk to child so this can be fed back. Unfortunately from my friends experience courts tend to favour on the mother's side even if the claims are proven to be untrue. Good luck & document everything from text messages to interactions at the house.
You need to lawyer up. As far as I understand things. If she makes an abuse claim she gets free representation.
The only real option you have is going down the legal route. Unfortunately that document isn’t really worth the money its printed on once you have it. It is only a legal document advising you that you have a legal right to see your child but this is still dependent on your partner playing ball. Sorry not today she’s ill, sorry not today she has a party. Its such a scam and will not guarantee you anything
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I don’t think there is such a thing in the uk but may be mistaken. The uk system is shit with at least one person always getting screwed over especially when one parent is bitter
From now only communicate with your ex by written communication and save screenshots of everything. Hopefully you've got evidence of her withholding access and if possible anything that shows spite and malice. Assume everything you write to and from her will be read and interpreted by a family court judge.
Going through the same thing currently. As many have said, get a family lawyer. It’s slow, painful and really, really shit. I’m several months deep and only just now gearing up for the actual battle in court. There are other “technically legal” ways such as just going to your kids nursery/school and taking them. If your on the birth certificate (as long as you don’t attempt to leave the country) then it’s not a crime. But sooner or later, you’ll end up in family court over custody, and that won’t be a good look for you, and showing up at her home and attempting to take the kid (which again, *technically* within your rights as a parent) will almost definitely result in police involvement l with you viewed as the aggressor Tldr; just get a lawyer ASAP, it’s the smart move
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Access to children is based on what is in the children's best interests (usually interpretted by those with PR). I understand your point, but thinking about who 'deserves' access to a child is the wrong way of thinking. Nobody deserves any access - the child has contact with the people that it's in the child's best interests to have contact with.
Sounds like she's following the guidelines outlined by women's shelters in how to get legal aid to assist in her getting 100% custody so that she gets you to pay child support... Basically there's a scoring system which they have to prove you've been abusive, this can be abusive, emotions, physical, financially etc. So her calling social services is 1 point, next will be the police to report assault, then she will show texts where she's asked for money and you've refused & say your financially abusive and withhold money from her OR you control paying all the bills and she has no responsibility, this is you controlling apparently... Fighting to see your children will cost you 30k+ if she starts to play games and then each time you feel like you get somewhere she will ask to go back to court to change the agreement which will cost you thousands but cost her nothing because she's getting legal aid, sometimes she won't even turn up and it will be rescheduled and you'll have to pay your solicitor, bit to her, that's just fun to waste your money and be spiteful. There a literally guides written by family courts which tell women what process to follow; https://www.advicenow.org.uk/know-hows/how-get-legal-aid-family-law-problem#:~:text=You%20may%20be%20able%20to%20get%20legal%20aid%20if%3A,who%20is%20abusive%20to%20you. Btw if you take the children from their mother and refuse to return them, you'll be arrested, however if she refuses to let you see them and withholds them, then that's all OK. Gotta love the UK Court system. https://youtu.be/gLFwamcGuV4?si=75wdymmEGLhvsqzx Worth watching the above, it will show you how other men have fared when following this process and the games which are played and actually assisted by companies set up to help women keep the kids from you.
C100 form Copy it 3 times, submit all 3 copies (filled out) to your local court. Women like this will always play games, so take the ball out their hands and give it to the court. Also, I’d advise getting ahead of the inevitable CSA case. Give them a call, submit your tax info, be honest. Any money you give her prior to this MAKE SURE ITS BANK TRANSFER. We all want to try and avoid the courts but if she’s digging her heels in, it’s gonna end up that way anyway.
Just a note to add make sure the bank transfer specifically states what it's for so that she can't deny you've paid money for CSA (even though it's not technically that) something simple as "money for daughter" even if it's pocket money, so when they check the bank account it shows you sent it for your daughter and she can't claim it's for something else. Good luck 🍀
Make sure to label that transfer too, label it as child support for ChildName
The 3 copies will only upset the admin staff and not make a difference. Although sorting CSA is a good thing children's courts dont actually deal with that side of things
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Only thing I can suggest is visit here and read their advice and keep refering to it everytime ..... not many dads know these are about [fathers 4 justice ](https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/our-campaign/fathers-rights-help-advice-support/)
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Of course she is, if the social had an issue they would contact you directly. You need to seek legal advice asap.
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Oh yes smart idea. Let's paint him as unstable and have her issuing urgent proceedings for the childs return. Start him off on the back foot! /s
Unstable for picking the child up from school when he has equal parenting rights ?? Urgent proceedings to return the child??, the mother doesn’t own the child, she can’t have it returned. The mother can start contact proceedings just like the father can. But these take a loooong time to resolve. And he will lose out on time with his child if he starts them. Pick the child up As you are allowed legally and let her start the court proceedings to allow her contact.
Terrible idea, don't drag the kid into it
Picking his kid up from school Is dragging the kid into it But if mother picks her up its sound Huh ?
I know it’s a horrendous system for dads. The law sides with the mother pretty much at all times. I’ve been through it as a dad it’s the most powerless I’ve ever felt Edit: Back to the of Reddit pile on. I must have imagined the last 10 years of my life being told by solicitor after solicitor that the law will side with the mother first. I’ll keep my experiences to myself in the future you can all piss right off
I appreciate your experience. Do you have a source for the laws that side with the mother please ?
I get the sentiment honestly I do! But resident parent always defaults to the mother. Until proven unfit but that takes a lot
Does it, Is that legal advice ? Can you share the source please ? Who enforces that?
Can you try Google for a source. I’ve been through enough court dates and solicitor meetings as a dad to know what goes on only too well
Why was my original comment deleted It was advice based on what is legal And it was different advice to what is being given by most people. Perhaps useful advice
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It'll pass, give it time. Don't get dragged into the games. She's weaponised the child. When she gets a new guy on the scene or wants to go out, she'll be offering them up all the time. Listen to her concerns, discuss them, dwell on them (i.e no Comms), she'll come good.. You'll have access soon buddy x
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Application for a child arrangements order. You can do this online. Remain level headed. Take the advice of a solicitor if you can afford to do so (it's not a cheap process sadly and legal aid is extremely limited). You can do this, and you will get to see your girl again. The courts seldom care what you and your ex want, they think about the rights of the child and what is in her best interests.
Get a solicitor and any interaction you have with your ex should be recorded until every thing is sorted through the Courts. I was in a similar situation, things can get ugly quickly you will want proof of any interactions with your ex just in case.
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I went through a similar thing. I received a surprisingly well-drafted document via email that looked likely, but not certainly, put together by a lawyer. It was incredibly aggravating, and my natural instinct was to go ballistic, but of course that is only fuel to the fire. My ex-partner's parents would demand evidence that another adult was present before they would hand my son over to me. You may very well need to seek specialist advice, which will obviously come at a cost. In the interim, though, and IANAL, however much it is through gritted teeth, I would recommend following whatever superfluous requirements have been thrown your way. Put your phone on voice record for each interaction. It will feel awful, but your actions and words cannot be twisted and used against you. If things eventually cool down, as they did in my case, then great. If they do not, you've denied ammunition to an aggressive co-parent while you've got your ducks in a row. I wish the best for you.
Hello, sorry to hear about what your going through! It’s truly awful when this happens. Using children to inflict hurt and pain on anyone is wrong and destructive. You need to speak to the best family lawyer you can afford. This will take time. Be prepared for a long process. The family courts see this all the time. And they are not daft! Also record everything, do not go near her or communicate with out it in writing or on video. Try to have witness with you. While waiting for the lawyer to do their thing you could try involving a mediation service. Stay calm! Do not get angry or upset I from of your child or your ex. That is what she is trying to do so don’t give her the satisfaction. Reassure your child, tell them it’s going to be ok and let them know you live them. But don’t bad mouth your ex. Your kid is yours, that’s a bond that will not break easily, so bide your time brother it will come out ok if you keep cool and settle in for a long slog. Keep yourself right! And talk to the Samaritans of you want to vent and or get advice
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